between the new york rangers and new jersey devils right after they dropped the puck take a look. >> the main event to open a hockey game. >> both sides. >> he's dropped them kevin ball as well, now it's five on five exchanging blows everybody has gloves off at the garden. >> that's awesome i used to play hockey as a kid and you woke snowflakes out there won't like this we fought every day and it made all of those stronger and tougher i know not politically correct but all well that's your loss all the time we have left greg gutfeld sitting down to put a smile on your face next. [ ♪♪ ]

>> greg: happy thursday everyone let's get started the former president bill clinton has a memoir coming out this fall about his life after the white house needless to say it is a pop-up book on the report claims that donald trump's spotify playlist includes suspicious minds by elvis, hello by lionel richie, november rain by guns and roses meanwhile president biden's playlist includes knocking on heavens door by bob dylan going to a friend tiger woods is saying no to sex during preparation on the masters no word if they will be switching to blue balls but not

having sex in order to prepare for the masters apparently some people have been preparing for the masters for eight years new images at a healthcare event revealed visible markings from a cpap machine on biden's face his staff point to this as proof that he is breathing on wednesday joe rogan called the view a rabies infested henhouse the view responded saying clock clock clock [ inaudible ] that's how a hand with rabies sounds thank you know it's okay you don't have to clap thank you tyrus a proposed law in

california would ban your boss from regularly contacting you after work hours and at least two people hope this law comes to new york i would just call you to tell you about my nightmares. >> and movies. >> greg: yes rumours abound that british actress elizabeth hurley took prince harry's virginity but little debate over who took his balls the biden administration is spending $422,000 to treat diabetes with native american healing circles a native american healing circle that's what we are calling blackjack tables?

today is national tell a lie day and by the way great job can't. >> not nice. >> the president of botswana is threatening in germany over a conservation dispute by sending over 20,000 elements the u.s. showing their support and will send over five of their own let's get started diversity equity and inclusion never in the field of human endeavour have so few words done so much harm to so many it is almost as bad as brian kill me this here but di has done it again this seattle public school system phasing out its highly capable cohort schools designed for gifted students who could skip the lessons designed for other kids their age you know, nerds,

but just when you thought seattle couldn't get any dumber they do something literally to do just that and can you guess what that's why it's because it's racist you see those programs have too many students from the bad races last year over 50 percent of the advanced students were white, 60 percent asian and a 34 percent black. there just weren't enough black latino and indigenous alaskan and pacific islander students so i guess we could say goodbye to the nda real soon what's that? we don't use that type of insane reasoning went sports? what strange demarcation, people say don't do that with basketball bullets do it with less important stuff like education these schools got cancelled like it was hosted by don lemon and why? well is not about how smart these kids are not about what is

our fear it's about what's on here it's about what these kids look like when they are in a classroom together it's about embarrassing their teachers and administrators just by being themselves i don't know but that sounds pretty racist to me now instead of putting the brainiacs in their own class with their own teacher and curriculum all those brats are being launched together and the teacher is expected to come up with different lesson plans for different levels okay kids today's vocabulary word is mediocrity does anyone here know what that means? mediocrity is what happens when the people who run our country force us all to lower our standards so the elites can pat themselves on the back for their atrocious beliefs. that is what it is about the continued distraction caused by luxury beliefs which are bad ideas that bestow status on the elites who hold them while inflicting plain -- pain on everyone else who must endure

them you see this with climate activism criminal justice and now hear education and already with housing degrees and two electric cars so immune from their destruction wood god help your kids and in seattle the smart kids will be reading the gutfeld monologues while in the same classroom the slow kids will be reading get it together by jesse watters the kids who are already reading shakespeare are stuck in the same room as the kids still eating boogers and paste in my case it was both glue tastes great now i get to eat the whole horse but today helping kids of all races advance of their own pace is considered inequitable and holding highly intelligent children back is considered

inequitable and yes that includes black kids in facts those who complained about shutting down these schools included black parents and guess what the school board of epa reportedly told them they were being token eyes by the white parents. she was probably in the slow class which is once again mind numbingly racist but to the elites it is as if black parents don't have minds of their own as if they don't have the same hopes and concerns for their children as everyone else to one day be like me rich enough to own a helicopter that can drop porta parties into kill needs assuming pool not only are some of the smartest kids in school being punished for what they look like before the smart kids these dia fanatics going to be helping call me old-fashioned but the only reason kids should be punished for what they look like is if they are chubby the

smartest kid may be black but now he has to sit next to the dumbest kid in school who could be white or asian but probably not asian when i was a kid and we had a test coming up everyone wanted to sit next to the asian kid the only reason that george to kai had friends but sadly liked it or not these kids are learning what modern america is all about is not about living up to your potential as an individual it's about what you look like as part of the herd just part of the group you have no control which is why i quit minuter a and of course anyone who dares question this is racist and that includes black parents who realize their gifted children are being punished and they are exactly right finally something that every race can agree on which is why the idiots who make the rules won't let

let's welcome tonight suggests she's on the five butchery is definitely a tin cohost of five end america's newsroom he is frightened by unfamiliar sounds like applause, actor writer and comedian jamie lasalle she is a vibrant vixen with a voice deeper then nixon the new york times best-selling author and fox news contributor cat to he is immense and intense and won't sit on the fence new york times best selling author and author and comedian former interviewee world champion tyrus you know what kills me about this whole thing they would rather kill the program then admit their policies don't work. >> it's weird because just this

morning we did a story on america's newsroom about how harvard is starting to reject the dea programs as a professor wrote a piece that said look at the applicants in the number of afghan from this era continues to go down by thousands because people don't want to go there anymore because it's insane so corporate america also starting to walk away from dia it is weird that the elementary schools in junior highs of seattle can't figure this out that it's a terrible thing and every person has something special they can do and i mean i don't know what yours is. >> i know, i did some films on it in the eighties in germany. >> those were a bit weird but. >> i'm very flexible if a kid is not in a gifted program and they are upset, which they may not be upset but who is upset is the mom because her kid didn't get in and she had to makes it bad for everybody the only thing they don't have in seattle that they needed school choice

because these parents are trapped in this situation. >> tyrus i have to go to you next because you have children and they are of various different. >> genetics. >> yes does this bother you? this must bother you? >> no because most of my kids are homeschooled for this reason but as a former teacher someone times it can be a benefit to have a gifted kid sitting with kids that are behind because sometimes they help them catch pulp and that happens next to never what usually happens is you get the gifted kid to sit next to really kids and he start stimulating their behaviour and the ones who don't get picked on because if he has the shakespeare book and i have the scratch and sniff popout book i'm going to go out of my way to tease him to make myself feel better so everyone who has the regular book goes after him and

it doesn't stop in the classroom and it stays on social media these days it falls them in recess or whatever if they still have recess anymore the problem is that we just need to call it what it is every time you argue as a parent it's because you're racist or sexist or whatever which means that's what they have done all along they have played those cards so long we all say it in common sense we'll argue about it so they can freely be racist out in the open is that polite racism, hey, black families you are not good at making decisions so were going to make it for you because you are black so don't worry about reading and writing will get you through and here's the deal guess what when you go work at the fast food joint will give you $20 per hour so they just have a layup and its racism in broad daylight but the differences we are still arguing over it every time i disagree with jamie and he's losing the argument he says your white supremacist and i'll say will

arguments over meanwhile the real ones are acting in broad daylight. >> greg: you know jamie your children are gifted in that you are finally out of their lives there and they applauded that. >> that's wild. >> greg: the crowd like that it's a disgusting insult i just directed at you. >> clapping for fatherless children. >> if that's the biggest response i get all night i will be upset i have three children this hits home one of my teachers said to me the other day at an event she said do you have a favourite kid which i thought was such a bizarre question and as parents you know and tyrus will tell you you have a favourite and i'll just tell you it's my neighbours kid i am one of these on the low indicated i really was in school i had trouble in school and i don't think it's good to keep everyone together i was more about no child left behind instead of that i was like don't

wait up it's frustrating it's like go ahead they would take us to another place and we would learn to lose use tools and we went to different stuff and i did better in college i think i approach thing smarter in college scheduling all my classes really early in the morning and that way when i woke up at noon i was done for the day. >> greg: i bet you still have nightmares about college and missing classes. >> i do have nightmares i was not good but there are people we need people that deliver pizzas everyone has their roles i'm not throwing shade these are jobs i have had i'm not saying that's a bad job you will notice it's no coincidence that i did choose jobs that are the guy who gets laid in porno jobs. >> i would guess that you are probably in some gifted classes cap. >> i was good at school.

>> greg: i bet you were, you were precocious. >> i was also in trouble a lot to but this thing blows my mind especially, will make not especially but definitely what the school is saying they are going to do instead assuring parents saying they are going to have an individual lesson plan for each individual student which sounds awesome that would be way better but it also says there won't necessarily be any more teachers there will be a curriculum about how to go about this instructions and unless that curriculum is how to clone yourself 32 times i don't understand how they can get away with saying that and people actually i know we did dolly the sheep or whatever but this seems a lot more advanced i don't know how that wasn't pushed more like okay what are you really going to do because based on how time works you're not going to do that there are going to be kids

who are not going to be challenged and other kids will get the attention they need almost as if they belong in separate classes. >> it's crazy and of course an awful white lady behind this an affluent white liberal. >> walking in broad daylight. >> greg: so smart, and before we go a quick reminder my favourite kind you can come seals on tour i will be in red bank new jersey fort lauderdale durham north carolina thompson we will be there go to our website or tickets up next studies conclusion about gender confusion

>> greg: turns out the trans craze was a phase landmark 15 year study has concluded and tells us what we already knew most gender confused kids grow out of it dutch scientists from the university of groanings and home of the fighting clogs

tracked more than 2700 adolescents, adolescence is from age 11 to the mid-twenties which is pretty impressive i get tired after 12. but they checked in on them every three years gauging their gender or noncontentedness by asking how often they think about wishing to be the opposite sex in the beginning 11 percent of the kids had some level of unhappiness but by the time they were 25 it was down to 4 percent who were unhappy with their gender they also found that girls were more likely to be unhappy then boys, there is a surprise in my right? well i'm a scientist concluded the study authors the results may help adolescents realize it is normal to have doubts about one's gender identity during this age period and that this is also relatively common even i

had doubts about my own masculinity until i met this man so we'll a study from the netherlands finally make an impact here in america and save children from being forced toward the speedy dangerous hormone therapies and irreversible surgeries i'm not holding my breath doctors just can't admit when they are wrong like dr siegel i told him i could get that g.i. joe out on my own i heard your kids identify as someone else's kids. >> while okay. >> if it makes you feel better it's me. >> it's a relief because as a parent you know this is true it's the experts that were full of [ bleep ]

>> i read this article last week because actually subscribed to the journal of no [ bleep ] of course this is what happens my mom just told me recently that when i was seven i wanted to be a fire truck that doesn't even make any sense. >> greg: i know. >> she said i would put on dresses and stuff and dance and you can't jump to conclusions and do something permanent i would put on dresses, spoiler alert the one part they would have removed into being my favourite body part you know? that's the rule of my family no permanent until you're 18 my son just asked me he wanted to get a tattoo and i even think that is too much and this is so much more extreme he wants to get a lord of the rings tattoo on his forearm right here and i said i don't want to say too much body but you see that every single time you roll the dice playing dungeons & dragons.

>> you are a good dad. >> this is disgusting i don't know what you're doing here, cat they found more girls were unhappy with their gender then boys is that just because women are more emotional? so obvious. >> okay. >> i answered the question for you. >> thank you for sharing i don't know, with this, look, i thank of stefan lee a good thing for parents to be aware over thank it's definitely a good thing for parents to talk about with their kids and their doctors i think obviously gender is such an emotional topic such a personal topic i think win topics are like that a good thing to do is to take that part out of it just take the gender part out of it for a second and you can say if there is something medical that can have potentially permanent side effects and a risk of permanent loss of fertility or bone density that should be

treated with the seriousness and gravity that it deserves and it is something so personal and something politics should not be touching at all. >> greg: do no harm as they say in the club that i belonged to, tyrus. >> greg. >> greg: the problem here is it is a social contagion right? it spread, social media put all this attention and made it fashionable and use all of these kids deciding i am this or that and it became cool. >> i can't disagree i don't think it was the kids deciding that's what we need to look at closely it's the parents deciding for the kids it's apparent issue it's like for a while there was a new syndrome where every struggling actress all of a sudden had two trans children in their home or trans parents have been to adopt babies and there aren't

heterosexual kids or gay kids there just kids their piles of clay being moulded you can convince them that a chubby man in a red suit fits down a chimney and brings them gifts and eats, continues to eat sugary carbs and go back up the chimney and do it every year and they believe you and just when you think they couldn't be dumber you then tell them that of bonnie hobbs around bringing them eggs, yeah, how many bunnies it would take to do that and they believe you and they criticize you i've had several times right hear about how santa claus gives great gifts i am to sit there and take it and i'm like i can't wait until you're 13 because their maggots in real [ bleep ] truth so that's the point i myself and my family have dealt with one of my children having literally 16 genders since this thing started to call me up and say i'm by

okay great you still can date until you're 22 weeks later guess what i'm a boy. >> awesome bro can't date until you're 20 and then it was i'm gonna live my life as a horse and that was a talk conversation to let them know no matter how hard they tried they were not going to be accepted and/or society because horses are racist but we got through that i didn't run her down to the vat and say she needs a tale and a mouth bit and some meals -- years and can you brush your hair to the side, can we take her fingers off and put some hopes on here because my little baby wants to be a worse. >> greg: my little pony. >> and when we got done she would say but dad i wanted to be a goat back to the doctor's office, just let them work it out. >> greg: again this is kind of like a luxury belief that adults can deal with but children need some kind of basic foundation when they are young because they are dealing with all of of the stuff like learning how to committee kate how to read you

take away the foundation and it screws them up. >> when i was a kid and i thought about this today i wanted to be kathy wague be the gymnast. >> so that i dancer on, i wanted to be a dancer on solid gold i wanted to be pat benatar, and never wanted to be a boy this never entered my mind and he read all of this and a friend of mine is in new york city and sends her kid to a very fancy girls school it's a private school she told me that during zoom school during covid she was listening and thought what are they doing? and in order to address the class i would have to say greg he and then i could go on and say something but they would put their gender on the zoom call and out of the 43 students on the zoom call 24 of them identified as nonbinary it was nonsense and this study proves it.

>> greg: there you go up next governor takes an ax to a runner tax an add-on treatment for eosinophilic asthma that is taken once every 8 weeks. fasenra is not for sudden breathing problems or other eosinophilic conditions. allergic reactions may occur. don't stop your asthma treatments without talking with your doctor. tell your doctor if your asthma worsens. headache and sore throat may occur. tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. step back out there with fasenra. ask your doctor if it's right for you.

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>> greg: they put the tariff on the marathon new york city was demanding roughly $750,000 from the organizers of the new york city marathon to continue using one of its bridges i know it is boring but we will keep going you remember the new york city marathon the only race where they load the starter pistols with live ammo the city says closing the ridge forerunners cost nearly a million dollars in lost toll revenue not to mention all of the money spent hosing down the feces and thousands of runners crapping themselves buy the end

of the race you have more kids dropped off at the pool than a swim party are kelly's i love how the wave of disgust moved through the audience as much as i hate taxes i love this idea, marathoners come here every year they shut down the tunnels and roads and bridges it's a hassle for everyone for example after it took me forever just to get from eighth street to ninth street and i had four men carrying me of course once these emaciated elitists complained of your governor quarter of the city to stand down on this cash grab it's amazing how fast you can act with people she knows who are upset if only she cared this much about the police officers or the citizens who also spend a lot of time running in this city but not for sport it's for their lives, you and

feel the same way about taxes but we also feel the same way about marrow phones. >> the problem i have with the mta statement is they said new yorkers love marathon sunday and no, we do not not a single one of us and you know what it is so rude and honestly i don't care if i face off marathon runners because you're better than me and that's fine i'm fine with them being better than me i would never do this if you do this you're better than me you're stronger than major in better shape then me you're more dedicated then i am the way years spend your weekend is more noble then i spend mind but that's fine and the way they just are like what's the big deal creating traffic for the people who live and work here all the time it is like we don't love it actually i've never heard a single new yorker be like wow it's marathon sunday, yeah, a. >> greg: what are you going to

do for the marathon? >> it's always like oh, no,, just again they probably don't care because they are probably so happy. >> greg: i'm going to find a very tall watchtower. >> greg: i don't know what that means where you looking at me that way dana i had people text me and say are you going to be in town for the marathon as if i would come cheer them on you don't even know me if you think that. >> they don't know you at all if you win to you would probably just flip them off the entire time. >> greg: i wouldn't throw thumbtacks on the ground. >> there would be no you go girl >> greg: i hope you die girl. >> a couple of thanks come to mind in a second term joe biden may just decide to take this idea on because he was just

taking e-zpass to the migrant forehead as they come across a southern border that's how he will fund more ev credits but i also think that we should be paying the marathon runners this money why? i looked it up, obesity costs new york state $11.8 billion annually 4.3 billion of that is for medicaid these people are not going to need any of that care so therefore they should get the money for running the marathon. >> greg: they're not from here , jamie i don't have an insult for you go for. >> thank you i did healthcare you from eighth to ninth street you know what i hate more than marathon runners? have marathon runners i really do my neighbour won't stop talking about it saying i'm running this half marathon and on them like you know that's pretty cool but you found a goal

in the doing half of that and he said aren't you going to do anything to pat me up and i said, hey, congrats but that's all you get i am saving the whole congratulations for someone who runs the whole thing >> greg: and by the way they [ bleep ] themselves everywhere they say it runs down there leg it's like lemon being squeezed it's disgusting. >> how do you know this if you don't watch, do you that's what the watchtower joke was he sits in a watchtower with binoculars going won't there's the poop there's another one that's number 6 mark m. >> greg: i used to write for a running magazine it's disgusting >> at all your stories the matter what the race is the guy who should win is the guy who pooped first i agree with dana they should be, the marathon is about being healthy take the tariffs and put it on cakes and

pies and sweets and 32-ounce so does there's money that should be there. >> greg: you make me sick both of you make me sick. >> they should have marathon in staten island it. >> greg: yes, they should have it in a basement let's run 27 miles in the city that's easy do it in a basement run around. >> just in a circle the location of it doesn't have to be everywhere. >> greg: do 27 miles in a basement all watch that coming up why a little piggy's name brings shame, someone did that ♪ imagine a future where plastic is not wasted... but instead remade over and over... into the things that keep our food fresher, our families safer, and our planet cleaner.

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>> greg: ozempic mascot cute or cruel a minor-league team called the saints sifted through 2000 and submitted names and settled on ozempic for their pig mascot some people found it mean-spirited and gross what say you? >> it's funny. >> greg: is funny it's very funny. >> and also worth noting hear this big look not even fat is waste is like low key kind of snatched actually. >> is not just a representative he's a member. >> being compared to that pig is not an insult. >> greg: he is adorable pigs are so cute i love bacon and i feel when i add when i eat bacon for a little bit just a little bit i feel bad let's talk about the fact that everyone we know in the media is on ozempic but i was.

>> that's one thing i was thinking about this is perfect for the minor-league because in the major leagues everyone else like us were distilled trying to starve ourselves and become exercise addicts but they need some kind of humour to get them to go to the minor-league game i do feel that there is a weird thing when you look i also heard all these members of congress are on it. >> greg: oh, yeah, that explains it, it being i don't know but it explains it your notice that people never tell you what it is ozempic is a wonder drug but i feel like it's being used on the wrong people we should be using it on high school kids. >> oh. >> greg: put it in their lunch food they all look the size of sumo wrestlers have you seen kids these days? on buses? their massive. >> why are you on buses full of kids? >> he's in that watchtower again

>> greg: i'm doing research for the dutch scientists i'm tracking hundreds of overweight children turns out there fat because they're confused. >> to answer questions no i have not seen a lot of kids lately we have different hobbies, is right this pig looks like he's training for the new york city marathon very lean he makes you not want to eat him that's a good way to go as a pig the lien be cute and then people are like i'm not hungry that's pretty good i don't know why we are attacking ozempic there are so many other do you remember more offensive fat shaming here marrow in minnesota where the minnesota at first i thought you were twins, remember the chicago behar's [ crowd reacts ] >> i was excited for that one, i looked it up are there fat

saints because this is the st. paul saints was by the way very lazy only second is lazy to the st. paul paul's there were fart saint st. thomas aquinas a lard asked by all accounts and seem to offer the fact that an actual guy you know how little confidence your friends have been you that you're going to lose weight and you that they add the facts to your whole name is party your name. >> greg: simple things is very funny and still you about that it's true didn't even have to be a joke just made me laugh. >> a lot of times i do troops. >> greg: up next the local news won't give you the blues in. everybody here really, really make you feel like family and that they love you. our goal with tiktok was to enrich the lives of our residents.

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hello, i am kelly crystal kelley were each guest to share story. >> i like to. bowling -- bowing the airplane think, they paid alaska airlines

$160 million blowout where the exit door, they paid $160 initial compensation or overreacting about the ground airplanes stuffing anything this is nice. a lot more problems if you sit in the room we'll be the first plane. [ shouting ] in denver there was a man who's been doing sports betting. if she was between december and january he had this incredible run and making so much money then all of a sudden like in vegas. they pulled back in the house plans and they say that they are restricting him from placing that's higher than $15. he's not. though i think the story was missing and i were fact checking. the school board is in charge of this because he was too talented >> way to punish a man for success. >> sounds about right.

>> this easter i got easter eggs but they were not from the bunny. my prize pythons laid eggs easter sunday. those are not the eggs you want to put in your bag when you get home. there's another one. >> have a nightmare tonight. >> a proud mom she won't leave her eggs. >> i can look at a single have a nightmare. >> leave that up the rest of the show. >> snow white, sweetheart, she had her first clutch we are excited about it. >> you're scared of snakes. >> this is a big story, south san francisco i lived about 8 miles south of south san francisco. why my telling you this? i don't know. but anyway a woman called the southampton cisco police department because she saw an actual mountain lion but it turned out that it was a cat. and everybody made fun of her, she thought that was a mountain

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>> thank you to jamie and the audience brought to you tonight, i love you america. [ cheering ] >> trace: good evening, 11:00 pm on the east coast, 8:00 here in los angeles an