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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  May 22, 2024 7:00pm-8:00pm PDT

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the truth tells truth incident names name sure my battlefield stories as i'm proud of it and i hope you are as well. also the third episode of outlaws and lawmen which sean hannity is available today exclusively on fox nation third episode following man hunter bass reeves. >> 1 of the first black deputy u.s. marshals in the west he is often viewed with suspicion and outright hostility but over a staggering 30 year career he brings thousands of outlaws to justice and since more than a few to their grace. has got phyllis coming up next have a great evening everybody. [ ♪♪ ]
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>> greg: yes yes! yes okay stop undressing me with your eyes. happy wednesday. while the rnc headquarters was evacuated after getting a package addressed to donald trump to vials of blood's they limit -- eliminated suspects who no longer have any. commerce department wants to add a million construction workers who are women to the industry or just a guy is. they are forced to stop selling a beer in honour of osama on
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their website should have sold vodka so they could honour the terrorist with a shot to the face. and nigerian woman created the whitest week in 12 feet in width is it first sale asks 1 man jesse watters. they want to change the word offender to justice impacted individual illinois people want to change it to a marxist impacted [ bleep ] stain sports rater for the kansas city is star wants harrison but kerr replaced with a female placekicker and we have 1 volunteer tough crowd on this day 1908 the wright brothers
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patented the airplane then they patented the [ bleep ] mail flight attendant a can additive either is retiring also retiring his plumber in 18 anyone today is the first motion picture was shown in thomas edison's lab that same day guy stuck around to see the first porno. man was arrested for assaulting a canadian cop with a block of cheese lucky for him it wasn't sharp. the fact you laugh at that but not at the other stuff that her brilliance makes me sick to my stomach. a climber was found dead after
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falling off with the largest peak in north america they found him at the base of jennifer lopez ass. in new jersey the state with that dirt restaurants not just the dirt it's the small portions said 1 man. >> i try to keep out the fat jokes you guys to see them up. the democratic candidate for the most powerful position on earth gave a speech last night to the naacp where he couldn't say the name of the organization. in fairness to him it is a whole 5 letters. but committed no less than 9 errors later corrected by white house staffers, 9 errors in a single speech. help john federman didn't make that many in a year after his brain blew up like an iranian
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helicopter. what are you guys pro- iran here too soon. you guys are mourning the butcher of baghdad. [ bleep ] ami. so how do we know about these errors they were corrected in plainview otherwise we wouldn't have noticed which made me think when somebody offers you something like he didn't ask for yes to ask yourself what's going on is there seeing a realization as it might be jo's number something here for sheer than nylons after a 2 kilometre walk in the august. >> you guys laughed at it. in case you missed it. don't worry if you did because
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so did joe here's a few of the flubs the weight out corrected. >> when i was vice president things are bad during the pandemic has its truly inspiring. a hundred thousand dollars cracking down on corporate landlords keeping rents down. the mortality rate also. like moms or 3 times more likely to die. donald trump said in november if he loses again there will be bloodshed. >> greg: what the hell. among his gas was the claim the naacp maybe he's afraid if he says that he will actually do that. and sexually the national academy of ambulance compliance and number arms sure that jill biden has on speed dial.
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going to be being vp during the pandemic you missed it by about 4 years and how could you do that and still pertained you are a professor and a drunk driver. as he bragged about winning an oscar for barbie at any city save families $800,000 a year each in insurance premiums if you do the mast he was off only by about $800,000. then there was this 1 where he called the january 6 for rioters erection -ists. >> those who stormed capitol hill patriots. >> maybe he was thinking of his son on a remember fellows if you are 1 for more than 4 hours contact your doctor. wasn't just there that joe was a mess erie is tuesday during a different speech. >> let me close with this after a signed the act into law.
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>> maybe you should enclose with that actually. if you're going to some something out make sure it's words than he gets really weird after that. >> for men of getting married. i did my wife is the oldest of 5 sisters you know why we 1 will always love you not the same 1 mary into a family of 5 daughters what could be the reason? you have a 20% chance during the week somebody will bang you clearly gave the same advice to hunter wells looks at his brother's widow and says i'm going to hit that. you can't even find stories like that in a forum. believe me i looked. and what was his pickup line. all this talk about the hereafter make me wonder are you hereafter.
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it's not like joe suddenly got worse he has been this way quite a while there's an old awesome clip making the rounds with cbs margaret brennan asking whether a video of biden is real or ai watch. >> here's president biden this is what i'm going to ask you about. >> it can't be pro- insurrection and pro- cop can't be pro- insurrection and pro-democracy you can't be pro- insurrection and pro- american. donald trump lacked the courage to act the brave women and men in blue across the nation should never forget that. >> what did you think? >> he didn't blink at all so that suggests it's fake. >> this was actually real. >> it's actually real as if they've never seen a creature having a staring contest with death. that's going to give me nightmares help push out my screams don't wake carlos what's
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going on besides watching the leader of the free world turn into them what wax museum dummy this might be a clue. in april donald trump was beaten does your beat biden for the first time in fundraising many of them being the recent trial about his legit as a leah thomas swim trophy but as the poll shifted trump don't you get the sneaky submission that were not the only 1 noticing. >> the age issue is suffocating him and he needs to bring up these only 4 years older than trump and turn it around so they can complain about his age so waste of time don't do that. >> he gets like that until you feed him mice. i love that he says the age issue that suffocating him not his actual age. life is suffocating him he is a harder time breathing and alvin bragg carrying a pizza up a flight of stairs so maybe
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there's a reason democrats staffers are pointing out there candidate is done that it's about time to shuffle him off the stage because why else would they issue 9 corrections nobody asked for maybe because the speech was followed the next day by this mimic their working round-the-clock to free the remaining hostages just like we freed already and still is not here with as but is being held by hamas. >> greg: what? the guy he's talking about joe thought was in the crowd at the rose garden but he's a hostage in gaza what is it take to get the democrats and media to do the right thing let's ask joe himself. >> come on man i knew the guy wasn't there. i just wanted him there in spirit. sometimes of somebody can't be
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his heir you say they are there in spirit right. i talked to spirits all the time like the guys in the old days, corn pop he might not be there but he's there in spirit right. i got visited last christmas eve by 3 spirits. woke up in the morning there is a kid i said get some turkey it's true change that true story no joke. >> greg: i was in arabia i found a lamp getting a rub in the spirit came out and offered me 3 wishes i didn't even have to think about it. i said daughters daughters daughters just make sure 1 of them loves you lets welcome tonight's guests. [ cheering and applause ] >> he lives on a farm does literal harm,. [ cheering and applause ] >> he once drank be in the movie dumb and dumber and also last weekend at my place most of the harlan highway harlan williams.
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like an iranian helicopter she's down to earth besseling offer an contributor cat tempts and his closet is filled will do with my approval besseling offer comedian and nwa world heavyweight champion formally, tyrus. you don't deserve that audience. all right does it appear's side is acting unilaterally to push him off the stage i would not have known about that speech as i'm not the audience but you know. >> whether they are trying to push you off or not they realize it is a code brown mode of men to for them becoming a real problem on their hands and they love the white house is still trying to correct the stuff he says in his speeches including
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the original text of the transcript that said it spelled the word erection with an in 2 hours the words he's made do they actually spell them out makes no sense what i think is going on is they wanted us to know this that they went to make the corrections because they wanted to be is just a bunch of malapropisms he's a guy you says crazy stuff and that has nothing to do with the problem. the problem is he is fried and the thing about hamas and the hostages that's the problem we have not them misspeaking. >> just the sound i mean we are laughing about the words but this syntax and this alluring he sounds like you. >> on a friday night. but know at this point he's creating his own language it sounds like.
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's african bushmen going over there like they don't even know what he's talking about. and do you remember when they initially started selling this as a stutter could you imagine if he actually did have a stutter and we had to hear this from fraud times in a row he better not win the erection or i'm leaving town. [ cheering and applause ] >> here's what scares me the most he doesn't know where he is he wears these mirrored sunglasses, yeah, have to know he's seeing his own reflection there like a let him in here and now it's you joe. it's you just unreal. >> greg: it's crazy. cat what do you make of the fact this stuff easily flows out there. >> i don't understand how we are calling this correction right the crossed out pandemic with the word recession which makes it accurate but that doesn't
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mean that's what he meant. who knows what he meant what would it look like. are they just going to start doing this like the good that like when he said his uncle is eaten by cannibals they could have just added the word and not. or when he said he had cancer but the word know in front of cancer he meant to say i have no cancer. who knows that's what he meant. >> a correction does nothing to affect the actual meet to of this being. tyrus am i being to conspiracy oriented gimmick we are all making the same mistake watching this car accident going like this and the democrats are like no know he has a seatbelt he'll be fine. i mean the crash test dummies like i'm not getting in the car this [ bleep ] guy what we are
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missing is they are fine with it they are so fine if it they like oh, he meant to say this and this and this perfect example when he was on them view bill mohler said he looked like a cadaver which is painful to hear in some way tells you that it means you look a dead. >> i would be upset. >> i don't care who you are even if you are dead you pay somebody to make you look not so dead when some but he visits you. but they fire back well the brain is still good the democrats don't care. we care we see the house on fire and we're screaming for buckets of water and they sit indian style with a marshmallow going i think it's fine. it's not going to change. he might go to the debate and stare and drool which is why i think he wants the debates to be earlier because they want them as far away from the election as possible hoping people forget. >> they are letting them talk
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freely now so when he says debate let's watch the tape mr president there will be no president. >> when they do the debate to prop them up a little they should hang his degree on the back wall never list of all the people's lives he saved as a lifeguard. remember that [ bleep ] even when he wasn't a lifeguard apparently he saved 8 people from drowning very casual. no matter what conversation we had if i did that i would always say that. >> greg: but now they drown and lies. >> hey, if you get them to upset hell give you the what for he will say the word don't. >> greg: up next a total joke to pretending to be broke. your skin is ever-changing, take care of it with gold bond's age renew formulations of 7 moisturizers and 3 vitamins. for all your skins, gold bond.
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>> i'm so rich but i tell everybody hymn homeless. poor baby. the sob story imploded when they learned mommy and daddy are loaded i speak of a 19-year-old student who is kicked off campus for participating in an anti- israel encampment. weird most colleges give anti- israel protesters a scholarship in the hamas travel mug. she told the philly inquirer this suspension made them homeless because they live in the philippines. is the biggest riches since they were yoga pants. fans of yoga pants as the washington free beacon and covered they are super rich her dad 1 of the philippines most popular talk show hosts. aside from me of course as they
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referred to me as the tall guy. as her grandmother does a grandfather a politician who was in the house of representatives like our old speaker of the house only his face to workers as a president of several international schools when they got in with alec baldwin's gone. the family made no secret about posting about their wealth on social media with caviar on first class flights lavish trips abroad affording to fly on planes where the doris day on. the kid herself posted about a trip to antarctica where the only homeless people there are the penguins. how do they end up crying poor and lying about the background with the entitled rage of young attention seeking affluent classes having everything they
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could want so they have to pretend they are victims. it's the 1 thing they can't buy but it's all histrionics they protect to be a victim for attention and add elation like when kudlow pretends to drown so i given cpr. and i fall for it every time. >> so isn't this amazing. her parents probably going like we pay a hundred grand a year this is what she's doing. >> here's the kicker probably never roughed it outlive thing on the street and attend somewhere and then just kind of trying to rub it in i went on ebay last week i bought a black bear costume for $320 later tonight i will crawl down the sidewalk had to attend and scared the crap out of them. >> greg: don't be a great thing for the show to do but i'm lazy is getting picked up.
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and they will come down and get you in such in the car where they scared me a yes boss they were scared of the. >> not to say your daughter would ever do it week. >> my kids my i did stupid stuff i joined the nation of islam right after i saw them movie i didn't even watch the whole movie. but i think we are missing the point here i'm homeless now because she knows she's got old-school parents. of they rich she's not in any of their fancy travels. they call mom and dad but they been expelled from school if they are old-school parents i guess you have to figure it out. i just going through some hard times or not the good news is her parents have money the worst case scenarios taking a private jet home for the summer. nobody feels sorry for her as
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the virtuous singling there as they are from the philippines and i know nothing about the philippines honestly. i can't stress that enough i didn't go there for a summer and make a movie. it's part of a microcosm of the current state of protest a lot of well-off parents with thousands these students paying full tuition as they are the ones funneling this. pick whatever word you want. >> i don't think there's a lot of students whose parents had this wealthy it's a level of wealth i didn't know existed. as they have a dinosaur a good collection as theirs dinosaur egg egg rich and dinosaur egg collection rich i didn't even know those were available for
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purchase. >> greg: isn't he scared they might hatch. >> apparently not because of all the money he has. i'm sure you are 19 you've never had a problem your whole life all of a sudden you are kicked out of your housing and don't have family here. has a rich doesn't begin to cover it. i've never even heard of anybody this rich. >> greg: dinosaur eggs are the cocaine of the philippines. >> rare dinosaur eggs. >> greg: that's when you know you have too much money you don't spend it on coat you spend it on dinosaur eggs. >> for the second time i have 1. >> i do have to ask when are you going to lay it? >> right after we get done breeding and you are going to like it. >> why dinosaur eggs just go to mcdonald's get an egg mcmuffin what's with these people that's a lot of a good there.
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>> i can feed an entire village. >> i can feed your homeless friends. >> greg: it feels like we're indulging a certain class and i will just say women into believing victim is a proper identity like creating the real housewives of hamas. >> why wouldn't you want to be a victim it is the most celebrated thing as all the product of rich girls who have never had to work for anything they wind up in college that they never thought about as they don't know anything and the worst of all is if i get separated from college at this stage how much fun wood that be. it would be fantastic. >> they know you for 2 credit cards in your wallet as they go and find a hotel she was in a hotel that night. >> without a doubt.
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>> greg: up next illegal'sirt. turn to fake crimes and i desperate times.n any time of the day. what people don't know is that not all dirt is the same. you need dirt with the right kind of nutrients. look at this new organic soil from miracle-gro. everybody should have it. it worked great for us. this is as good as gold in any garden. if people only knew that it really is about the dirt. you're a dirt nerd. huge dirt nerd. i'm proud of it! [ryan laughs]
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>> a story in 5 words. >> greg: illegals paid to be robbed. tyrus this is amazing. 6000 people were charged in a chicago-based fraud scheme which staged arm robberies where participants pretend to be victims in order to apply for visas intended for genuine crime victims so they staged robberies so that they get cut in line. >> apparently in other countries nobody stands in line it's an american thing they aren't having it. the energy it takes to pay the cartel to get that across in find another person to set up fake beatings even 1 accidentally shot how do you
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accidentally shoot somebody the time it took to fill out the paperwork and mail it in to get actual citizenship seems a lot easier and less dangerous with staging and assault for a visa when filling out the [ bleep ] paperwork from where you were at and go for immigration the right way. the road to get citizenship is ridiculous when they are doing it wrong and it never works out so why not take the same injured -- intellect and energy to fill out the paperwork. >> greg: and where do they get the money and what stuff is being robbed. i thought these guys were in total hardship? >> they are terrible with money. you can just get robbed for free right. >> why are you paying somebody to robbie? >> the way you pay for his whatever they then steal rate
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and to chicago right why does this keep happening here. i mean paying they have enough money to be paid to then be robbed with. >> it's like crime upon a crime breaking in as the only have been learning from america trying to get ahead if you want to protect them create a hoax. >> everything they know about america they learned from just cecil smollett. they are wrong including the thing that usually if you seek asylum you seek asylum out of the country where you just got mistreated. with all of this as come to the country become to the country working for free with an
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unlimited amount whether they're paying people's education as the train to help them and hurt the country as they be happy to beat the [ bleep ] out of them. for free. >> i find it interesting that illegals come across the border and at least they would make a humble attempt and wait outside a home depot or something and try to make money so they breaking coming across the border illegally and find work now it will come across interacting classes it's like welcome to the meryl streep hold up class. it's ridiculous the lengths they are going to now it's crazy. >> greg: they will become scientologists. wouldn't that be great. i love science.
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>> a bunch of illegal marine biologists running around here just like what we need. there. they need to move on. taking stock for the love of classic rock. overwhelm ing. ing. so, ask your doctor about botox®. botox® prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they even start. it's the #1 prescribed branded chronic migraine treatment. so far, more than 5 million botox® treatments have been given to over eight hundred and fifty thousand chronic migraine patients. effects of botox® may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. alert your doctor right away, as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. don't receive botox® if there's a skin infection.
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(♪) the best way to solve a problem is to keep it from happening. (♪)
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at evernorth, we combine medical and pharmacy data with behavioral health data to identify members in need of care. predicting and treating behavioral health issues quickly... while lowering costs for plan sponsors and members. that's wonder made possible. evernorth health services >> 5 more words. >> greg: 5 more words classic rock will never leave. cat survey finds for democrats and republicans classic rock is america's favourite type of music. is that this something that unites all of us. >> probably not all of us but i think it often invokes memories there is something you might not listen to on your own if you are
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out but if it plays in a public place you would think i listen to it every day when i wake up. >> it's like when you hear sweet home alabama rubbing a liquor store. like this on before you bully your brains out. as i have a problem with the title classic rock because as we get older classic rock shares the same as in the nineties led zeppelin and the eagles were classic rock which is 20 years ago now it's 2024 about 45 years but then durand durand or soundgarden could be classic rock but that's also 20 years ago do you follow the logic? >> based on the logic we have to change the names of the old bands. rolling stones should be the rolling kidney stones let's change it to rosetta. how about who are some of the
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other ones. neil young how about we call that guide neil old a demented farmer there as was watching wizard of oz the scene where the scarecrow comes to life as it was ziggy pop with fisher it off what is with a gay pop? >> i think he was born that way the letter skin where they lived and floated their whole life as they have letter skin as they sing songs like candy. is there bullying themselves in hot water. is like they have a diabetic fit how about that? squirming around like dolly parton without her bra. [ laughter ] like his skin is getting ready to be treated for an alligator
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and a suitcase. >> charlie the classic rock it didn't matter about the lyrics like smoke on the water amazing rift i didn't even know what that was about. it was about smoke on the water apparently. >> it sounds like a bong. in a lot of cases lyrics make it better but i do agree. it totally unifies the country and we should all gather around classic of rock which is the best and i think the reason is. even the british bands like led zeppelin they were welcomed among american teenagers as their own because they were rebels unlike kids today is even leonard skynyrd looked really scared looking like hippies as they aren't really hippies but
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they look like hippies they thought all hippies were peaceful as the bikers there tyrus could you argue because we just heard charlie heard basically that classic rock as a housekeeper of entitled white men and we can say the survey is racist. >> we could if every rap song didn't sample a song from classic rock. the problem is the reason classic rock doesn't add anything to it because it's classic rock. they wrote it and composed it and saying it everybody in the industry stole it. i wasn't in the rock 'n' roll that much. and then i got about 40 put in led zeppelin for the first time with 1 of her favourite rap song stole from that. all the songs and jingles we
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hear today are stolen from the artists which is white songwriters get treatment so terribly you take any number 1 rap song you will find its roots come from classic rock. all music comes from that classic rock is the bible you don't get a third testament added to it in the fact you say durand durand's classic rock i should have slapped you. >> if you go by the age right in the nineties we said the seventies was classic rock but now you jump to now in 2024. but shouldn't you be adding more in the classic rock? >> no because nothing can fill if it could it would have. if we had some buddy who showed up you could do classic rock right now and it doesn't sound like everybody else they would be there. >> greg: if you listen to a classic rock section you will hear nirvana does that make you feel old? kurt cobain feels old. >> cold maybe.
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too soon? i think she did it. while. as we've gotta move on. this audience don't you dare make fun of kurt cobain or his murderous wife. >> greg: up next spoon hard to fault if you happen to like salt. and see why pods has been trusted with over 6 million moves. don't wait, use promo code 25now to save. book at pods.com today.
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let's experiment baby in the science corner here. >> gary: scientists in japan they have at their charlie invented in electric spoon to enhance the saltiness of bland flute and the goal is to give a feeling of a salty hit without spiking your blood pressure appeared here is one of the patients that they tested it on. while. don't get too close about think i did. would you be comfortable using a rechargeable lithium battery
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spoon? >> i already kind of dabble in this world as i like to really taste my food so i wear one of those zapping dog collars everywhere. [applause] >> gary: do you actually eat at cracker barrel? >> i love it as they have the rocking chairs out front and you go and eat the food and fills you up with so much gas you can sit on the rocking chair in rock for a half an hour with your fee ever touching the ground because you are farting. will you asked. >> trace: >> gary: i did. developed a lick a bull tv screen. what you think of this? you are saying that japanese are very weird people. >> i didn't say that. was that the same way you said i want to punch the crap out of all the immigrants? >> that should be the name of
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the show. >> i'm going to lick your tv. watch out. >> i don't think he's making get up. >> gary: it's like he's trying to win the erection. >> this think is so stupid like the electric fork that makes no sense so salt is good for you. >> gary: you obviously work for the salt industry. >> i don't give a [ bleep ] at this point. if this was so great, why is it not chopsticks? [applause] >> the japanese don't use chopsticks. >> gary: they do and i went to japan. i think i did. >> i went seven times and i asked for a spoon because the chinese and japanese you don't think you can tell them apart
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win your in the same room? >> it's true a lot of people think that you eat sushi with a knife and a fork. [laughter] >> gary: you are the best charlie. i'm just gonna say you are the best. >> he didn't know the asian cultures use chopsticks now i know who sitting next to me at cracker barrel. >> as thin as a chopstick. >> who do you think makes the chopsticks? >> gary: the children. who will save them? >> i don't know about this because we don't think eating too much salt is bad for you but what might also be bad is to electrocute yourself in the face and has the research to prolong
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electrocution to the face? >> you have to understand how long this goes on. talk to anyone in the electric toothbrush industry. they will tell you stories. >> you can read a mile of reddit responses to the story and not a single person would go there. >> i want to know what happens with one of those kids with the train track metal braces and they live like the ghost writer out at panda express. >> gary: we will be right back. ( ♪ ) i thought water would help with these dry spots. that's lawn disease.
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>> gary: out of time. i love you america [speaking quickly]

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