[♪♪] [♪♪] unfortunately that is all the time we have left. you can catch me weekdays at noon right here on the fox news channel. sean "hannity" is back monday. it's a huge newsweek this week. i'm sure it will be an even bigger one next week so tune in next week 9:00 pm. gutfeld next have a great weekend. [♪♪] [♪♪] [♪♪]

>> greg: i know, i'm the real hero. it's friday so you know what that means, let's welcome tonight's guests, if you want to see fireworks, just mention him to his ex-wife, dr, writer and comedian jamie lissow. she just got engaged and she wants you to know it's not jamie lissow, republican strategist erin perrine. she's the toast of the town, jonestown, new york times best-selling officer and fox news contributor kat timpf. and he uses a volcano as a fondue pot, new york times best-selling author, canadian -- comedian... tyrus.

fair enough. before we get to some news stories let's do this. >> announcer: greg's leftovers. >> greg: it's leftovers where i read the jokes we did not use this week and as always it's my first time reading them so if they saw? will dress up joe mackie as a visiting angel and sent him to the white house. it is funny. in an all staff phone call made to alleviate concerns, president biden was heard saying, i'm not leaving. no one was sure if he met the presidency or this mortal coil called earth. don't use that phrase enough. online conspiracy theorists believe joe biden struggled in the debate because he was hit with a directed energy weapon. this is called havana syndrome although doctors said it's more likely he was havana stroke. that was good.

was at my phone? that was funny. now if democrats choose to replace biden, it could come down to gavin newsom versus kamala harris. interesting showdown. one candidate screwed most of california and the other is gavin newsom. she put a lot of people in jail. following the supreme court's immunity decision, some worry it would give a president power to assassinate their enemies. which is why the feds have put stairs, solid food and words in protective custody. because those are his enemies. stairs, right? words. solid food. see now it's funny. keith overman called for cnn to be burned down over the debate

moderators performance. he also called for the execution of the local teenagers who keep bringing his doorbell and running away. an old shot in. according to a democratic insider, joe biden said he will concede to a different candidate if he can't change public opinion over the next few weeks. we don't have that kind of time, said his doctor. according to the new york times, biden's debate prep did not start until 11:00 am and he took a nap every afternoon. while, that's how jesse preps for "the 5". in a new vanity fair article there's a creepy photo appearing to show rfk junior preparing to take a bite out of a barbecued dog. he claims it's not a dog but a goat. who gives a [ bleep ], i've

killed both, says one woman. yesterday everyone celebrated the 4th of july. here in nyc instead of chalk, police are outlining bodies with ballpark franks. thank you. a delta flight from detroit to amsterdam had to make an emergency landing after they fed passengers spoiled food. one concerned man asked, what happened to the rest of the food? every time. every time. jamie, fox has finally broken the silence on the mysterious hospitalization last year, congratulations on the transition. police in new zealand are hunting for a 400-pound woman who assaulted a teenage boy with a medal pole. while on the boss. apparently he threatened her with a small garden solid.

and in san diego, a sealion charged the dozens of beachgoers, terrifying them, so that's why joy wasn't on the view. all right. boo yourself. to yourself. to the news. is it any wonder why hunters is advising the big guy? nbc report hunter biden has been joining white house meetings to stay close to his dad post debate debacle. it's quite a departure from the meetings hunter is usually in, you know, the ones that begin with you don't have vd do you, and that's or looks contagious. so now hunter is a political advisor. why not, he's already a finger painter, amateur pornographer and oil and gas expert, is there anything he can't do that besides getting a real job? but it immediately deflates

another hoax, that joe kept his politics apart and away from hunter biden. nope, turns out hunter is the go to guy not just for his shady finances before his political survival. hunter's presence at meetings has reportedly surprised several top aides who wonder why he's even there and why won't he close his robe. those familiar with the matters at the reaction from some senior white house officials has been, what the hell is happening? but hunter is reportedly one of the loudest voices telling joe to stay in the race, so the future of the free world is right now being influenced by a guy who has done more drugs in a week than aussie osborne did in the 1980s. meanwhile one week after the debate, polls showed does support is slipping faster than joe in a puddle of his own year in. a new cnn poll shows if the election were held today, 49% would vote for trump and

compared to 43% for biden. so unlike the cost of the view, there's daylight between them. the same poll also shows that 75% of democrats would fare better with anyone other than joe as their nominee. with anyone other, including kanye west, kim jong-un and the cast a real housewives of gary, indiana. yeah, gary, indiana. this scares democrats so think about this for a moment. it's the disastrous polling and not the dying president that terrifies them. the fact is, the only democrats calling for joe to step aside are those in danger of losing their elections. the democrats in safe seats aren't saying anything so it's not about joe's function, gets his electability and how that will damage their chances. so what does that tell you? that the democrats only pretend to care about the country when their power, and not the country

itself, is in danger. and the country is in danger thanks to a white house helmed by a brainless, confused mess of a man. now in full damage control earlier today, a president sat down with abc's garden gnome george stephanopoulos. it's pretaped of course, more carefully prepared and planned to than new moon landing. but joe actually gave gutfeld a statement before he sat down with george. it's actually our shows first i'm hearing from him since the debate. >> start bite -- look! look, hunter is a great guy and he knows we can rehabilitate the -the situation. who knows more about rehab then hunter? he's done more rehabs than the property brothers. he said pops, you did not sleep enough, that's all, you need a pick me up. used my medicine of choice. i left a bag of it in the white house for you. i said no thank you, i don't

need it, i don't do the powder, all right? wise man once told me, don't sniff anything smaller than a teenagers hand. then he was eaten by cannibals. >> greg: jamie, it's weird, you and hunter have a lot in common. he keeps failing up, you keep failing. the audience does not like it when i rip on you, jamie, it's really pissing me off. >> his whole family is here tonight. >> they are waiting for you at the door. >> greg: what do you make of this, he's in the white house. >> i feel like hunter being part of meetings at the white house is like when the lead singer of a van let's his girlfriend play the [ bleep ] tambourine. >> greg: yes! >> just up there like. >> greg: it's true." she's really talented, give her

a chance. >> hunter did say he will leave as soon as he finds is okay -- cocaine. you know my favorite thing that he just showed, i hadn't seen until we were on the show, where it said when they were on cnn the graphics said 25% of people want biden and then 75%, it did not say who they wanted, he just said somebody else. just somebody else. imagine if a girl broke up with you and she's like i'm seeing someone and you are like who and she's like i don't know yet. does not you. -- just not you. >> greg: so true. so erin, there are all of these postdebate polls that has trump blowing biden out of the water. what do you think, do you think it will play any role in this, that they will just keep joe, because it's going to become a lot if it's just joe. >> at this point the decision lives with the president whether or not he remains on the ballot in november but a lot of that pressure will come in two points. one from those down ballot

races. if you are in competitive senate races and because of joe biden the map is expanding, new mexico is on the map, virginia is on the map, this is becoming very competitive and hard for him to sustain. two, donors. if people stop giving money, if people say joe, we can't support you anymore, we are not? to put the dollar behind you, that is a cataclysmic political failure as if the debate wasn't enough. i ultimately believe that joe will make the decision and the only people he would listen to about whether or not he would stay in the race is his family. he does not care about his advisors or the white house team, the only people he would actually listen to, and hunter is telling him to stay in, the guys not going anywhere. >> greg: you know, advisors should tell joe they are his family. >> just confuse him. >> greg: yes, hey, it's bit, your brother, been a long time! wears the ten grand you own me? kat, kat, it seems like we've been talking about this forever

and it's only been a week. doesn't it bother you that the democrats only care about the electability, not that we don't have a president right now? >> yeah, that's politics, baby. >> greg: don't call me baby. >> ew. it is interesting that they think that this pretaped interview with solve anything. i mean if it's pretaped it doesn't count. i have a relationship analogy also, jamie. let's say that you get cheated on, your girlfriend cheats on you and then she's like babe i'm going to make a video for you up me not cheating on you. like if you are creating it, you can edit it however you want. it's not hard to edit coherent sentences together. i mean there's a lot of stuff in that debate unsure would have been left on the cutting room floor and play because it does not make sense to the viewer. from an editorial perspective, what's going on there?

you can't take a disaster is performance and say we will show you with a pretaped interview. >> greg: exactly! >> i mean are we supposed to be dumb? >> greg: they are assuming we are. they covered this up now for i don't know how long. tyrus, the defenders of biden keep saying as long as he has important people around him. isn't that saying that it's always been those people in control? >> what i think has happened is they have been running their game pretty well. i'm sure with most things like this historically it's always a group that's behind it, we can get all of our policies, there's so much good we can do. they virtue signal how they are doing the best for the people, whatever. then somebody [ bleep ] up at the debate so then the group decides that person has to go. so i'm pretty sure during the meeting while they were

scrambling at the waffle house trying to figure out whose fault this was oh dr president jill pulled hunter off the bench. i need you to watch them, i need you in the room because they are against us. this is what always happens with these little things. they always end up having too many people and then they start to split and we will -- we've already seen the weird. we know we are starting to see, the players are revealing themselves. by those who stay locked in and those who start going i want out. as this goes on we will see more and more people but hunter is there to protect the interest of his father and jill. so who is the other side? >> greg: he's the rainmaker, remember that, where the money from -- comes from. up next, at misses obama quell the drama? when the sawdust settles and the engine roars the thing you care about is a job well done. but when you get your tools from harbor freight something about the job feels different

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>> announcer: a story in five words. >> greg: is michelle their only hope? all right, erin, you are the political may been. a hypothetical matchup with trump, michelle obama has the best odds of winning. what do you make of that? is this just -- and my just gobbling political junkfood here? >> i don't think it's real but this shows that democrats would have to throw the wildest hail marry at this point to get this campaign back on track. but michelle obama has been clear and she's seen the inner workings of the white house. she's should she's not interested in being president, she doesn't want to be. however politicians lie until they start telling the truth and in this instance she could lie all the way until she's like

website on the stage at the democratic convention and i'm the nominee. >> greg: she said it's not on her -- in her soul. she and joe biden have something in common. she forced kids to eat vegetables and joe is a vegetable. so. that's unnecessary, but thank you. is this story [ bleep ]? >> literally you could take let's just say two of my favorite presidents, george washington in abe lincoln for obvious reasons. thank you. be kind of weird not to include him. because i'd be cleaning this place up instead of sitting here. but if they came out of a time machine right now and said we would run for the democratic party, it would not change the overall message. you lied and can't the american people. no candidate will change that unless you come forward, out the people responsible, and they are

not willing to do that. it doesn't matter who they put in, unless you are just an idiot on the republican campaign, which we've been known to blow a leader too those two, you can't [ bleep ] this up which means we will find a way. >> greg: just because the democrats socks doesn't mean the republicans are great. you have to keep your mind, like, i mean look, lindsay graham. anyway i won't go there. >> make it like a basketball game, republicans will get up 45 on the democrats and then lose by 20 in the fourth. that's just what we do. >> there has to be someone telling trump not to talk right now. >> greg: there is. remember he has four years of experience and he's probably -- he's a different trump so he's just kicking back. maybe they have him bite down on something. >> i was trying to think. does -- is he journaling? >> they are tranquilizing him on

the golf course. nope. >> what if it's just the fact that it's not that big of a deal for trump? like this is just some kind of -- it's like he's playing a videogame. >> when does that matter? but yeah, michelle obama would never do this. why would she wanted to do this? she would be like you know what no thank you tons of netflix money and just hanging out and being famous and having people like me. at like to be scrutinized heavily again. >> greg: you are right, she has the perfect life, she doesn't have to do anything except count the money, hang out , checker kids, make sure they are not smoking again. jamie, what do you make of this? >> it's like a college girl smoking. >> greg: way to send a bad message to children. why don't you just tell them to do heroin, kat? >> that was absurd.

and absurd reaction. >> greg: jamie, michelle obama remember her, mary to barack obama? >> i do i knew because their last names are the same. >> he's quick. >> i heard this one politics professor say we shouldn't spend time on this, is just a fantasy, which is i think the first time anyone has out fantasy involving michelle obama. i'm not trying to be rude, i just think it's true. i don't understand the whole first lady thing, how you get to do stuff because your husband did stuff. you look at the resume and go they says you [ bleep ] that guy, that's it. nothing on the back. like my fiancé is a doctor and

what if tomorrow someone came in and i was like i'm gonna do your iud, she's sick. i've never done it for her, but she's described it over dinner, i think i've got it. in this case, this is not a budget i know, this is our country. >> greg: nicely done. >> and the iud is in the uterus. >> that's why i should not be in charge of doing it. i don't want to get into debate over people having to have an iud, it's racist. right? >> it is racist, no one told me that was an option. >> greg: but jamie does make a good point. we are overlooking the fact that she has never run a business or been in political office but we are just okay with it. we did that with hillary. she was a lawyer.

>> senator. and the secretary of state? >> greg: who? >> hillary,. >> but none of this is coming from michelle obama's camp. [ simultaneous talking ] >> pressing buttons. >> greg: she deserves to be president because of what she did to america's fat kids, which is nothing, because fat kids are jolly and i love dolly kids. >> so wait, to be clear, gets don't smoke but be fat. >> greg: yes, jolly kids. smoke later, lose weight. >> you might as well tell them to take care when then, greg. >> greg: up next, why guestsor who lean right are missing from late night. book your move today at pods.com can neuriva support your brain health? mary, janet, hey!!

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>> announcer: five more words. >> greg: late-night guests our lives. so, kat. according to a new study on

late-night tv shows, a whopping 94% of all guests are liberal. just a conservatives have appeared on "the 5" major shows since october, that's a month, jamie. does this news surprise you? >> no but i also thank it's interesting how you determine it. i think a lot of people might not really be as liberal but they pretend to be or maybe they don't really care one way or another. i don't think there's any way that just because you want to be an actor that also means that you automatically have subscribed to this entire list of beliefs. i think people are more complicated, more nuanced. actor does not equal liberal, it means you just have to pretend to be one. if you are an actor, you probably can. >> if you are a good one. >> greg: you know what though ... >> isn't that all kinds of problems you have, because i'm an actor, your bookings drop

dramatically when you don't show up for their stuff? but apparently i'm good without it. but that's the thing, you shouldn't have to be. how you vote or how you think, are you talented, to people want to here your story? but they are not interested in that. you kind of let the audience a bit wrong. you said major shows, they aren't major shows anymore because of this. they are not getting their [ bleep ] kicked by a conservative show every night. >> greg: now four times the size of the daily show. >> we are the weekly daily show. >> greg: we are the daily daily show. >> the daily week show. but they are bringing every lost and found comedian from the eighties and nineties to host and nothing -- they have to dig george carlin up and put him on there and you know what, he would not go on. he was a real liberal. >> greg: he was. jamie, you perform comedy were so i've been told.

have you ever been asked to do these shows? >> leno was the last show i did. i thought he always did good representing both sides. i remember stephen colbert asked me to be on, what i do five minutes of comedy and he goes no, i want you to dress up as a syringe and dance. i was very surprised to find out stephen colbert was still on the air. nobody watches that [ bleep ]. if you read even further in the article they say almost every guest was liberal, 94%, and then they went on to say the view, they said 100% of their desert portions were very liberal. >> greg: you did that for me. you said i bet greg would like your view joke. >> i assume those won't even make it to air. >> greg: they do, we leave it all in. erin, my theory, these two little munchkins over here about

the number of liberals, it has to do with publicists. >> yes. >> greg: right? remember when roseanne was on and she said all the publicists are socially not case left just female lonely women and they just [ bleep ] pushed the [ bleep ] and the actors, like if they don't do it, they lose a gig. what to say you? i know it's not your forte, but pretend. >> i will pretend. it's clear hollywood has a left-leaning ideology and that will be reflected in more and more people in the industry. is a political communicator, they -- they're used to be a lane for late-night jews to be a different approach to talking to voters in a new audience in any way. everyone remembers bill clinton on or said you. what a great moment that was. that's as not applicable anymore, you will be able to, and if i was giving any conservative candidate my opinion on this, there is no lane for you to go on any of the

shows and be successful unless your brand is knock down drag out fighting and what you want to get into a big brawl on broadcast television. other than that, you will not succeed going on these shows, you will not reach the audience because the hosts are a reflection of the hollywood ideology that is a left-leaning. >> greg: and it's so different from us. we are always nice to everybody, it doesn't matter your political status. >> one quick thing though, the world is changing and it's like a great time to be in comedy because it's no longer just those big shows. we have streaming and we have gutfeld. you don't need it anymore. >> greg: you are welcome. you are welcome, all right? sometimes i don't think you appreciate me enough. i come home you're like hey what's up, i go i got two hit shows and this one's just like yeah, whatever, over there, i'm tired of it. all right, i don't know what i'm talking about. don't go away, we were male is

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>> announcer: you are watching mailing it in. >> greg: mailing it in. it's a segment where we mail it in with your mail. first question to you, tyrus, because you are to my right. california is caught, i don't know what that means, if you could add a new amendment to the constitution, what would it be. >> justifiable homicide. >> greg: justifiable homicide? all right. but is that already kind of okay if it's justifiable? >> no, things like unbelievably annoying, consecutive questions, saying things like "however" "having said that" "it was a cold." people say -- yeah there's freedom of speech but. >> greg: justifiable homicide, interesting. >> aggressive.

>> greg: kat. >> first of all i think it was california scott. i don't know, people don't -- we need to care about the events we have already. i want to bring back the tenth amendment, that's what i would prefer. >> greg: i know what that is, but remind me. >> they can't do it if it's not in there, the government can't do whatever it wants. >> greg: is that with the tenth amendment is? say it for me. >> i just explained it to you. >> way to keep her on her toes. >> if it's not listed, the government doesn't have the right. >> greg: >> greg: you are confusing it. >> this is what i'm talking about. people need to know about the ones that are already there. >> greg: what's your favorite amendment, jamie. >> ten. i believe -- i will explain it

to you. it has to do with sex. it says you can't do it if it's not in there. >> greg: is there an amendment you'd like to add? >> i don't know if this is an amendment but i want to push for a way to get the tv show the view off the air but we have to be sneaky. you'd have to have a weight limit for all cast on the tv show. >> greg: that's really specific. >> very specific. >> greg: erin? >> a campaign-finance amendment that says no reporting and unlimited donations to campaigns, democrats complain about dark money but they play the dark money super pac game better than anybody else. the first amendment says i shouldn't have to tell you what's going on, government shouldn't be in my business. if people want to know, you better talk to your elected officials. i say let's allow some freedom in the campaigns. thank you.

>> greg: i believe we should have time limits for everything. everything. >> well to be fair, my justifiable homicide 12-point plan, that's in there. kristi noem's will be heading that up. >> greg: archangel asked, what thing would you choose if you had the power to make it disappear? of thing that you could just make it disappear, go away. don't look at me that way. >> back to you, greg. >> greg: i'm not a thing, i'm a human being. jamie, is there one thing? >> i feel like everyone will say this, but my ex-wife.

>> greg: erin? >> i was going back and forth. probably middle seats on planes for the kansas city chiefs because i would like the buffalo bills to get to the super bowl. thank you. >> i'm sorry. thinking them going away won't let the bills will win? >> they wouldn't have lost at 13 seconds. >> that would fall under the criteria of my 12-point plan. >> i regret nothing, i will do everything for the bills to win a super bowl. >> i'm just going to say edit that out now. >> i stand by what i said. >> greg: kat? >> laws in violation of the tenth amendment, of which there are many, the government is not supposed to have all of these powers. >> greg: i wanted to say the dmv. but i guess i should just say -- >> that tenth amendment thing would get rid of it. >> greg: all bureaucracy.

>> so would justifiable homicide it's a cure-all. >> greg: i had another one but i can't remember what it is but there's something that also bothers me but it's like i don't know, just rude people, killed them all. with kindness and guns. >> can't keep up with that. >> greg: i know. what if anything, ask speed, reaffirms your belief in the greatness of our nation? erin. >> if i feel down, i put on the george w. bush world series game three first pitch out of yankee stadium right after 9/11, the strike right on the middle of the plate. guys wearing a kevlar vest. derek jeter says don't bounce it, they will boot you. it makes you feel so good, i love that moment. >> greg: jamie, i think she took yours. >> yeah, i was about to say that, now i have to scramble. i was going to say i think the

greatest thing is our freedom of speech. even if it stuff you don't agree with, it even protects kamala harris, speech that only includes five words or it protects biden slurred speech. >> greg: slurred speech is still speech. >> it still is. i think he takes private speaking classes. but i think free speech is the best thing and goes back to not needing the big networks because we have all these places were you can say whatever you want including the show. it's almost like becoming uncountable uncancellable -- >> greg: what reaffirms your greatness -- your belief in the rightness of our nation, tyrus? >> that police officers are still showing up to work. >> greg: that's good. kat, i got your suggestion earlier but i said don't mention

me, so what else do you have? >> i agree with jamie. every day i can run my mouth and not get arrested for what i say. >> greg: that is beautiful. >> it would happen in other places. >> greg: that's true. and just going to go with food. i really like the food and that we can get it all the time. isn't that great? sometimes i just -- i can now go on a laptop and i can order something and it shows up. when i was a kid i used to think there was -- wouldn't it be great to invent a machine and you could -- it would make anything? now we have a, it just involves paying people almost no money to give it to you. that's what america's all about. all right, a great week ends with animal friends.

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[♪♪] >> if you think videos of pets is as good as it gets ♪ ♪ time to celebrate greg's animal friends ♪ >> greg: thank you. fyi, kristi noem's favorite segment. jamie, you go first. >> so i feel like i might have the best video of all time. it's about five or six minutes long so obviously we won't watch the whole thing but let me describe what the men in the video are thinking. they are thinking he's not coming at us. and then this is a cow that comes into a store and now they are thinking this can't get any worse. and then i hope it shows it but there's going to be another cow not joins in this. what makes me feel bad about this. >> greg: i don't believe there's another cow. i will believe it when i see it, jamie. >> he's like oh, i'm in here.

he goes this can't get worse. what is this? and why i feel bad as i read about this story and this is just two cows that wanted to open a shop and didn't understand how to go through the proper channels. six more minutes and he gets better and better. >> greg: i'm going to look that up online. erin. >> i have clips of my own dog ralph whose named after the former buffalo bills owner. this would be the day ralph got neutered. we were sitting at our house and boom, cone of destruction, down goes the whine. he turned into a battering ram and almost got the second one. needless to say that it not last long and you can see a cameo by my fiancée. ralph is quite destructive, the other one is ralph is also a known thief in the community.

we have a hole in the fence between us and our neighbors. that is not our watering can. he stole that from the neighbors house. he has also stolen a broom, a sprinkler and the neighbor dogs collar and this is him just deciding i'm going to do whatever the heck i want and this is now my watering can so that is my eight and a half-month-old 85-pound saint berdoodle. >> is that camera always filming your living room? >> oh yes. >> i would never. >> i would. >> there's some stuff i don't want to watch myself due again. >> i'm not in there watching myself but that dog is. shenanigans and have to keep an eye on that. >> greg: he's a thief, with them to good use. >> is he a thief or is he making suggestions? it's like rake, broom, water the lawn. and i want to new [ bleep ] collar. i don't feel like he's stealing, i feel like he's saying hey, mom, clean this place up.

>> greg: all right, tyrus, what have you got? >> okay so i have pets and kids in every once in a while i get to combine them. my daughter recently wanted to do something, she's like dad i want to be your merchant lady and push her stop for your upcoming shows so i thought okay cool, i'm debuting, i have a new tour that starts in december and so i was like where are we going to get models great she's like that i have the perfect models and she has the perfect slogan, we will try it out and see what you think. how did that get in there? next one. so my tortoises with my drink from my tour because you don't want to be late to the party. what do you think? keeper? and she went around the house and she took all of these pictures. i said no because you can see their back ends, but she took all the tortoises out and took pictures with them and the reason she had to use tortoises

is she gets lost in her mind sometimes and forgets to put things back. and a tortoise, you've got time. >> greg: yes. kat, it was something. >> i have a video also. >> greg: good for you. >> there's the dog and his eyes are moving around. i don't know anything about this dog but i picked this video because it was sent to me and i said yeah, sure, that works. >> greg: that's a great story. >> cute though. or it looks like he just saw wrist genome pop in behind her. >> greg: or rfk. all right, don't go away, wed will be right back. bacteria in your gut? try new align yogurt coated probiotic fruit bites. with a delicious apple and blueberry-flavored fruit center and yogurt coating, each bite is infused with added probiotics, to help promote a healthy digestive system every day. plus, they're packaged in individually-wrapped pouches, for daily digestive support on the go.

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>> i thank you all for joining us. >> a min for trace g