[ ♪♪ ] >> sean: and fortunately that is all the time that we have left this evening. thank you for making this show possible. news any time, every time, all the time. foxnews.com. "hannity".com. in the meantime let not your heart be troubled. greg gutfeld is back to put a smile on your face. have a good night. [ ♪♪ ]

>> greg: yes. yes. all right. okay. thank you. button up your shirts. sir. happy monday, everyone. nancy pelosi is in the news. she says she doubted whether joe biden wrote the letter where he said that he was staying in the race. pelosi noted its telltale absence of drool. during a new interview joe biden said quote, "i can't even say how old i am it is hard for me to get it out of my mouth,". also hard for biden to get out of his mouth? air. in the same interview he said that his son made him promise to

stay engaged in politics. way to blame a dead guy. he should have added, hunter, please do not [beep] my wife. tim walz continues to be criticized for embellishing his rank and service after it came out over the weekend that he once claimed to be an official bikini inspector. tim walz direct superior in the national guard said that he knew that his unit was about to deploy to iraq and went behind the back of his superior officer to resign. when reached for comment he yelled look over there! and then he ran away. although while smac actions look bad, these revelations could really help them win the coward vote. deltas de i officer has spanned the term ladies and gentlemen

from airport announcements. i know. and replaced it with, "dear customers of all gender identities your flight is cancelled and your stewardess has a [beep],". kamala harris said quote, "now was the time to get a cease-fire deal and get the hostage deal done". quotes. she is trying to have it both ways like i do with thermometers. british police are threatening to extradite americans for hate speech. even if what we posted is true like princess diana was a six.

>> a little low. >> greg: who knew 2024 would give us the greatest tribute band of all. kamala harris taking the stage as the donald trump experience. it is true, one decade ago she was indeed. then she became african-american. now she is orange hitler. credit trumps magical power to turn kamala harris into a cackling, magical pantsuit version of himself. because her actual policy points are starting to dribble out. they all come right from the orange guy's handbook. at this point you could call it the art of the steal. she was once cited as the single most liberal member of the u.s. congress. so the baroque bernie was accusing her of stealing his identity and autographed photo of che guevara. now she is feeling all of trumps moves. it is clear that trump is

winning the war of ideas. but kamala harris could win the election by stealing those ideas. it is kind of smart, morphing into donald. she has no policy to speak of. why not just take your competition? she has learned from her husband if you see something you like, help yourself. whether it is an idea or a nanny. the hilarious part? all of those people who call such positions hateful when i embrace them as joyful. >> this is not comfortable, normal, and joyful. that is a powerful thing in campaigns. dynamic joy that we are seeing. that is what they want to distract from by trying to tear these two very possible -- positive, joyful, energetic people down. >> greg: full of joy is just another way of saying full of [beep]. here is kamala harris' latest contortion. >> when i am president we will

continue our fight for working families including to raise the minimum wage. and to eliminate taxes on tips for service and hospitality workers. >> greg: didn't i hear that before? >> hotel workers and people that get tips you were going to be very happy. when i get to office we are going to not charge taxes on tips. people making tips. >> greg: i guess if you spend enough time around joe, biden his plagiarism skills are bound to rub off. then, there was a legal immigration. truck put in so many other executive orders surrounding our southern border he did not need a while he was the wall. board encounters slowed to a fraction of what they had been under obama. we have charts. pretty good? then, of course,, biden took over to welcome and favoured --

invaders he now called newcomers and hunter called potential baby mamas it. not only did he rescind the trump supporter initiative did this. >> she is most qualified to do this to lead our efforts on the mexico northern triangle and the countries that are going to need help stemming the movement of so many folks trying to migrate to the border. >> greg: do not let our brain-dead media tell you otherwise. he made it kamala harris the border official. and had the same effect as name and current mayor of munchkin land. hear are the results. pretty amazing stuff. after saying that she would not treat migrants as criminals, would ban ice, and banned healthcare for criminals, she is

now promising stronger border security. if that is the promise why are you and joe not doing it now while you are still the vp and he is still above the ground. if you are for border security why did you not do it when you had the chance? why not do it now? the fact is she is impersonating, not becoming trump. the minute she can have alec baldwin's shooter in the ear. these days everything that she says is preemptive of trump. remember after trump promised at the debate that if elected he would get hostages home from rock -- russia and suddenly there was a deal. and then kamala harris' position on fracking. she went said that she was banning fracking but one of her campaigns now says that that is a trump falsehood. she knew she would get killed on that issue so her hand those -- her handlers told her to flip. it works. and it now trump is saying that

he is doing nothing but saying that she is stealing my stuff. the media does not care. asked voters if they can trust these people. with democrats get clothes to an election they always turn into republicans because they know to normal voters their policies are more repulsive than a wet two should contest at "the view". how can you trust a party that runs as republicans but then it governs as progressives? you cannot. should you not be voting for the real thing and not a cheap imitation? one of the advantage of trumps gravitational pull is that it can get kamala harris further towards him. for instance, trump could release a plan that lowers taxes on small businesses and the lower class. a month of stuff like that and she will be eating steaks with catch up at mara lago. trump's presence is so compelling he is able to make everybody pay attention, to the right thing, just by looming in the near distance. voters need to remember that

after all of the premises if the democrats when they fall right back into appeasing the french left-wing groups that terrify them. like a boyfriend who swears that he is going to be faithful to get his girlfriend back and as soon he is -- she is back he is right back to banging horse. only this time the horns or us because we will be the one that she is screwing. tonight's guests! the only way he will be lionized as if he is eaten on a safari. commedia jeff dye. i would never sent him back for being too salty, chef and restaurant tour andrew gruel. she has a bun in the oven and a severed head in the bridge. new york times best-selling author fox news contributor kat timpf. conspiracy tear -- theorists say he built the pyramids it. tyrus!

jeff, i do not think it matters that she is taking his policy platforms. what matters is she is pretending to take them and then when she gets into power they revert back to some phony left-wing politician. what say you? >> karma chameleon. >> greg: i did not see that one coming. >> i have been thinking that the last three weeks. it is so fun to watch or become these things. hilarious. when she says i will stop the border there was crime and cartels on it i do not hear anybody coming to racist. protector what? not all mexicans. it is really fun watching her say the things that she was so equity this. and none of this is happening. >> greg: it is true. it would be xenophobic coming from trump. from her it is like how forceful. what a strong woman. >> i think the plan is now that

they are all over her she will close the borders so they cannot leave. >> greg: mr andrew gruel. do you believe that voters will believe this? is this an excuse for people to want trumps policies without trump. >> potentially. i also think that we are to go stories away from kamala harris going out there and saying that she had an affair with stormy daniels. it is the fun your piece. let's take a step away the way the media is covering this. trump came out and said he would remove the tax on tips it was like we're going to these $250 billion to the federal right. this will be absolutely horrible for the government. and then she says that in some anodyne approach this policy is amazing, no problem at all. to be a little bit negative because i know this whole tip thing. just the tip, though. is that what she is going to do is she will remove the tax on tips for the worker and she will double it for the business. trump will eliminate it

altogether. >> greg: interesting. see? it is all a trojan horse. if biden stayed awake during history -- if i stayed awake during history i would know what that means. i say trojan horse and have no idea what a trojan horse is. i thought maybe it was a condom factory. you are positively glowing. >> thank you. i need two to wardrobe. >> greg: positively bursting with the baby. >> yes. >> greg: what do you make of this? doesn't frustrate you to see deliverables all of a sudden parent the opposite knowing it is not real? >> i have always felt like the two parties are different versions of big government. the things that they want to control are just different but they both want control, they both want to spend. it is interesting to see it become the same version. let's just see how dumb we can make this at this point. think about the past month how

ridiculous things have gone make -- cotton. what about the debate she repeats everything that he says it. >> greg: yes. >> i do not think we have had the. >> joe: 's. somebody says something on their platform and the other person says the exact same thing without acknowledging. it would have been one thing if she would've acknowledged that he said it but she did not. i think trump as anybody would know would go legitimately and saying it. what would the media say? look at all these great ideas that he has. >> greg: they can't because then they would have to admit that he was not orange hitler. she got up there and said what he said did go that was brilliant. is this a version of stolen valour? political version? >> it is a really well-run campaign. car to throw rocks but currently i have a [beep] of them to throw. that's do this. first of all, are

deciding vote to make the tips thing a reality? you were the one that cut the head off the tip chicken. sorry. but here is the thing. she is going to do this. she is doing it well. republicans are complaining like collectors not getting their call. all president trump has to do is raise it up. so you were going to take away taxes for tips? low taxes for veterans and first responders. just keep raising it. the art of the deal. just keep on taxing. it will work. >> greg: yes. create a tax-free state. >> just keep doing it. add 10 more to it. whatever it is. >> greg: a sanctuary city for taxes. >> let's call it texas. >> greg: we have to move on. before we go here is a quick reminder. we will be live next week in new york at

11:00 pm. one hour later but live during the democratic national convention. monday august 19th thursday 22nd. we will need a few people in the audience willing to stay up with us and stare at that gorgeous body. >> pyjama party? >> greg: pyjama party it is. >> pyjama party all week! >> greg: where our short rope and you get in free. you get in free no matter what so. go to fox news/gutfeld for ticket information.st omup next. when they are not shots at trump they are coming in to take a dump. treatment of its kind. 93% of adults were healed by two months. of those healed, 79% stayed healed. and voquezna can provide heartburn-free days and nights.

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>> a story in five words.

>> greg: secret service breaks into salon. andrew, this is crazy [beep]. secret service have had to apologize to a massachusetts salon owner of the agents broken to use the bathroom while preparing for a nearby kamala harris fundraiser. they covered up the security camera with tape which they are not allowed to do. other people use the bathroom. and over two hour period. they left the building unlocked afterwards. if they did this to your restaurant what would you do? >> that is exactly what i was thinking. this could happen to my restaurant because this is the type of government they want. emblematic of it all. this is surprisingly because the story about somebody who was clearly about to poop their pants happens after biden leaves office. we thought this would come first. but tim walz, the midwest flavoured bernie sanders jumps on the scene. he is known for being the authoritarian who shut down his entire state. here we are shutting

down salons. i think he brings a little bit of flavour back from covid-19 policy time. what is it with democrats on salons? nancy pelosi breaks into salon to get hair done at the height of covid-19 and now these guys break into salon's to blow number 3 everywhere. it is strange to me. >> greg: number 3. kat, do you think the secret service executives, finally a positive news story about the secret service compared to the last couple? >> yes. the secret service does not care if you have to. if you were to do that you would be shot in the head. it really does speak if there was anything that was still unclear whether the -- with the government did during covid-19 this is how much they care about your business. they will leave the tape on the camera and they believe the business unlocked in case anybody would like to steal and pillage and that also not get caught. and they did not even care that people found out they were doing this because they knew there

would be people would move on. they do not care about you, your business. if i were this business i would sue. >> i would see was well. >> there has to be somebody willing to take up this case. if i were a lawyer i would do it sorry i forgot two to law school. >> greg: i do not think you need to be a lawyer to set you borrow a lawyer. >> let's try it. hi, my name is tyrus, i am a lawyer. >> greg: have you been injured by something that was advertised on fox news? tyrus? >> do feelings count. >> greg: tyrus, does this upset you? >> why are we assuming because they said they were using the bathroom that they were using the bathroom. she could have walked up to the camera and said secret service we need to procure and use your bathroom sorry for the inconvenience we will clean it. not a story. something else is going on. why do we keep believing where is the follow-up question. explained to be the procedure having two

number 3 really bad. >> greg: yes. >> the first thing you do is cover the camera. >> i would know what number 2 is. >> i'm guessing you can afford it. what is it? >> it is a combination. one and two is three. >> one and two. >> i worked at a restaurant once and there was a dishwasher there who would say number 3 would mean something else. he would go and take the personal... with him in the bathroom. >> greg: i used to do a number 4. >> next week's late-night show. >> i am attorney and i am suing you and i am suing you. >> why did we believe this? >> greg: it is true we do not know. >> who covers of the outside to do something on the inside unless you were doing something shady. >> greg: i do that with my laptop camera. >> you were doing something shady that is what you cover it up.

>> greg: i am doing research. there is a lot of sex trafficking going on, jeff. >> greg: do you know what bugs me about this story? the agents took canty out of the candy dish on their desk. anybody who works in offices, you are comedian, you probably don't know what the inside of an office building looks like. people will come by your office and would you have stuff on your desk you think i can take a pen. i will take some candy. no you cannot. no you can't. >> what bothers me about the story is that we even know about it. i am a naïve regular guy. i like to think that the secret service would be able to get in and out without anybody knowing about it. this is some lazy secret service. it looked like kamala harris in the video as well. stood on a chair. >> greg: you are talking about we have lowered the standards. the secret service is not so secret. >> i like to think they

are in my house taking a dump. they are secret in the corner over there just as the camera. >> the poop does not even smell. they have some secret doodad. >> some sloppy service is what this is. >> greg: they should be able to take a dump while standing. more secrets, less service. they could have just asked. anybody with that you went to use the bathroom. >> starbucks on the corner? >> greg: exactly. >> anybody will let you went to use the bathroom especially if you have a gun. >> greg: if this is emblematic of it is not the secret service is every single thing in society right now. we have lowered the standards for everything. and is it like when you see that that secret see that that secret service? >> lazy. >> greg:to upsp next, joe's interview with cbsan proves thad t he is still a mess.

>> it is coming your way. it is video of the day.

[applause] >> greg: he is 90 % dying and 100 % lying. biden does not refute that pelosi gave him the boot. video of the day comes from joe's cbs interview where he fingers nancy pelosi. >> what happened was a number of democratic colleagues in the senate thought that i would hurt them in the races. i was concerned if i stayed in the race that would be the topic. wide nancy pelosi said biden is out. i thought it would be a distraction. when i ran the first time i thought to myself that it was a transition present. i can't even say how old i am it is hard for that to come out of my mouth. >> greg: is joe evne alive? he is so cold to the touch when he has a

scoop of vanilla the ice cream gets a headache. the next time that pelosi scolds republicans on democracy she should look on the mere although i'm not sure she has that kind of relax -- reflection. joe told a lot -- nasty lie about trump and the kkk. >> every time that the ku klux klan has been involved in the cokes it has never been identified. ally... that is how i read it. they knew they had an ally in the white house. >> greg: please take me out of my misery. so much for nondivisive rhetoric. joe of all people should recall that the kkk was formed by southern democrats in 1965. he was a newly elected senator at the time. now he has no reason to live screw unity. to those who have expressed scepticism about how much biden

will be on the trail for the rest of his term what is he stated them? >> to those who have expressed scepticism about how much he will be on the trail or the rest of your term, raised questions about your health what you stated that? >> all i can say is watch. >> greg: watch. watch he says. the dust clucked on his forehead. spiders crawl out of his ears. watch you try to remember your own name. anyway, joe has been extra chassis and reached out to gutfeld. >> i'm still president. armed man... i remember when the clansmen came out of the woods. they did not have their robes on. when you are in decline you have to wear your head. my friend... burke proudly wore his uniform in the funeral. they said you should not speak at the funeral of the grand wizard. he was not a grand

wizard. he was an exalted cyclops in the klan. you have to know the difference. stolen valour. that is why i have decided to run for president. the klan is not wearing their uniform anymore. you have to get out there and vote. january 6. october 7th, excuse me. obama harris. biden. i'm in there somewhere. [applause] >> greg: now he is doing interviews. it does not matter. it is like they put the old guy out there. you can wander around walmart and try to make eye contact with him. he is free to talk. >> he also has all of the time in the world. he is not campaigning. he was speaking openly. i think we would see more of it i would like to see more of a just

for fun. the kardashians are not interesting anymore. let's get the camera guys over there. >> greg: it could be the last months of joe biden. >> the feud between him and nancy pelosi in and of itself is so interesting. she said the most savage thing that anybody can ever say about anyone which is he knows that i love him very much. >> greg: yes. >> that is so manipulative. i love how other politicians pretend that they will be your buddy that you want to get a beer with. i will not drink a beer that nancy pelosi handed to me i respect that about her. but every time somebody says to me kat, you know that i love you very much. that is because i wised up and noticed that pop -- that person did not love me and probably never did. but they get you in the fields and manipulate you to think that maybe she is really sick. it is fun to watch. i would like to watch the two of them have a therapy session therapy session together. >> it turns out my intervention was a lie. >> greg: all right, tyrus.

how can this guy still be a president. >> he is not he has not been for a while. the lady with the face has been running the show. i am trying to understand how the guy with the most powerful job in the world was told by a semi retired host person to get out and he left. and now he is saying that she made me. you could not have made him any weaker and then, a person then they are doing right now and i think this is by design. they are sending joe out there so he can continue to look sloppy, silly. tried to blame everybody else. they will say all of these bad things for the american people. that was joe's fault. he keeps running his mouth they will hit them with that 25 before he goes. that will happen. she is already in ready two. they have played us. we fell for that debate. they are playing us. i think we should all be a little afraid right now. they are playing chess to our checkers and we need to recognize that. >> greg: thank god i do not play chess.

>> or checkers. >> greg: do you think that i mean it six months. six months he doesn't have six months. >> i do think that is a mask. i have become that guy. i think that is not even really him. we have gotten so comfortable with the last four years of just accepting anything that he says as silly joe. the whole thing is with the woods? we don't even think it is crazy. we are kind of talking about how funny and crazy he is but we are used to that. i felt that if i ran i would win too well. so what are you saying. it is normal. it is very scary. i think that is a robot. >> greg: yes. the hall of the presidents. andrew, it is kind of interesting how nonchalantly you can say i was forced out. that is a palace coup.

he says he was forced out he says in the same interview that the pools were even and that he was going to win. the question is if you were going to win why were you forced out. he does not adjust the fact he should not be the president right now. just like tibor said and tyrus is 100 % correct. they are using his body as a cadaver to fill the role in the white house. all the incoming fire which is both friendly and enemy he is absorbing the bullets and that way they can say look at, this guy did all of that and kamala harris is completely detached from the reality of her being the last one in the room when it comes to presidency. it is impressive that right now with that one interview joe huston infinitely more interviews then kamala harris. it is incredible. suddenly he is chatty kathy. they have a moat around her. she is the new joe. she is ripping off trumpet but she is acting like joe. i am confused.h, coming up. will when tim walz pay for

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[ ♪♪ ] >> five more words. >> greg: tim walz commanders on him. >> people are wondering about whether he has done something wrong in service or done something personally to offend you. >> he did something wrong good service. he told me that i am going forward. we will go with the battalion and go from there. he went around me the fact is there was a possibility that he probably would've realized that it is to that you were going forward. we had already received our notification of sources. people out there that people say that he had not been notified yet. he had been notified. >> greg: tyrus. trying to clean this up. but for average people like me who did not serve. thank you. you were so lucky that i

did not serve. >> we would still be negotiating trying to get you home. >> greg: exactly. it is true. >> you would have to deal done and then greg would say some smartass comments. and we would have to start all over again. just one more day. >> greg: i think i need to be interrogated again. >> you cannot change it. the fact that this is not like he just showed up yesterday. it is a governor he has been doing this for a long time. the stolen valour is not this weekend. the best answer that we had is he misspoke -- misspoke. the issue is that the other side does not care. trumped arrangements allow you to be the lowest form. republican, democrat, independent, libertarian, somebody who lied about their service, should not even show up. nobody would vote for that. what we've gotten to the point where we just

allow, to your point, the bottom of the barrel. you can be an inherently dishonest person who would lie about something that men and women in this country have died for generations for those titles. have served this country. you can look us in this phase and say that you misspoke. that scares me. we are arguing about it. they are fine with it and that is the problem. nobody i am saying shame on you, sir. we wanted interview over here because that is what he can get. how do you think that conversation went. with pete? [applause] >> greg: jeff, i was talking to a buddy of mine who is a comedian on the liberal and he was saying this is no big deal. so i said to him i go let's say that there is you see a comedian and he is doing some of your jokes. and that stolen valour as well. he said to me peek a million -- comedian has been around for 25 years and he does it a couple of times. and it is like i do not

think that is the same. >> not with the rules at all. >> i think what is happening is this walz guy he is exactly like my parents and my grandparents. a lot of people they are realizing that we cannot lie anymore. we have an internet. we can check things. there was a database. my parents would just make up stuff. i watch this movie. that is not even a real thing, data. we live in a world with a know it all generation but also we can check these things. you can't just say i was this an commander of it is like when i used to say that i was the gm of blockbuster nobody can check that. >> greg: yes. why did you lying about that? >> be smart when you were lying. i worked at hollywood video and i had to, you know. >> greg: what perks do you get? i am a gm that blockbuster. >> i'm just think if you were going to lie picture nobody can check

at the sky is a demi. >> greg: that is true. is there any stolen valour among chefs? it was the recipes? >> not just recipes but the position they held in the position. -- kitchen. somebody will apply had 19 % -- 19 years old and it is like the executive chef at the royal bahamas. our you kidding me? >> i was a sous chef at burger king. >> bingo, sous chef. they are used the sous chef category. sous chef at applebee's. eating it in the neighbourhood, twice. there was a category of lie inc. that is seemingly small but it is not. it is intellectual and bit of positive and dark. to many it is like misspeaking. but it is deep longing and manipulation and it falls in this category. the reason nobody is mad about this from the left is because they support his login. they like and because he is a liar. but now he is genius level liar. they can say it is just misspeaking went deep down they know this guy is such a bitter

political liar we cannot wait until he gets an office. >> that is funny. >> his title was there he changed three days ago. right next to his pronouns. >> greg: which confused people. >> they were... rights? >> greg: as a proud half a factor in what you make of the situation. is that stolen valour? >> the baby is half veteran because it is half kat. i think there were something psychologically interesting about a person that would talk about their military service so much. talk about it all the time and knowing full well that you left before you would have two to iraq. would actually have to do anything. knowing full well that you have lied about all of these things. that would be like bragging about sleeping with somebody i slept

with this person. knowing full well that when you did you [beep] the bed. you would want to. i would think. >> greg: that is number 4 by the way. [applause] >> i would think that you would want to not tell, like open the door to the story where they know that you behaved horribly. >> greg: exactly. >> he does not care. it is something psychologically interesting i cannot comprehend. >> greg: i have to move on but you do see it -- see it when people say they will mention his service incorrectly and he never corrects them. >> as a veteran on call of duty. i sympathize.( >> greg:♪ thank you for your service. up next, you out will meet a quicker. if you are a two out of 10. lot sale this weekend [♪] your skin is ever-changing,

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on high school yearbook photos. based on what you look like in high school are you concerned about your longevity? >> i was not doing a lot of anything in high school. that would affect my looks. my looks were associated. there was a picture of me right there i looked pretty skinny. not getting a lot of action. i will say i as -- as unattractive adult we do die sooner from all of that extra sex that we are having. >> bat on the heart. >> greg: andrew, you are what is considered chef hot. in the outside world. >> you just invented that. >> greg: my number 3 talk will not help in that category. >> and high school are looked like a mix between annie lennox and jimmy carter. >> a cool looking guy. >> thank you.

>> you were on the cover of the land oh lakes butter. once you. >> that is why i will be voting for elizabeth warren. >> that looks like cnn, andrew. >> i was protesting capitalism before it was cool. >> greg: kat, is it a fact that unattractive people do not have a voice. they are the group that is most bigoted against? >> i have a picture of me in school i think. based on that i should be dead already. [applause] >> interview. >> that was actually the year that i started to get better -looking. you can imagine how i looked at the first couple years. by the way, behind the photo my dad is hugging my sister. you look at me you can understand why. >> usually people gain weight after high school. >> greg: tire risk, is this lifespan different

due to discrimination. that we discriminate against the unattractive? >> we just have to take a page out of women's book. we have to marry ugly people as well. that is why women always very ugly dudes. because he dies and she gets all the money. she does not have to wait. all you do is they are dumb running around like me marrying all these pretty women. to help with that. get you an ugly women who will cook and clean and then she drops off in the sixties and then you can start over. >> greg: that is a beautiful thought. >> that is the worst idea i have ever had. how stupid is that? >> greg: not only do ugly people die sooneratio at opencast the --y we casket funeral as they often placed face down. we will be right back. beating this disease. join us.

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