in that. have a great night. we'll see previously on "jimmy kimmel live" --

>> lou: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, will arnett -- lamorne morris -- melissa mccarthy -- and music from alec benjamin. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. i appreciate it. welcome, welcome. hi, there. how are you doing? i'm jimmy, i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on -- i'm brad you're in a good mood. we had kind of a fun day around the office. we had a little work thanksgiving dinner last night we did karaoke in our parking lot out back. i'll tell ya, you really don't know a co-worker until you've seen him sing a seven-minute and 49 second billy joel song in its entirety.

in a parking space. by the way, that co-worker's name happens to be patrick friend. ♪ it's okay with me these days ♪ ♪ i got a good job i got a good office ♪ ♪ got a new wife got a new life and the family is fine ♪ [ cheers ] >> jimmy: patrick drank a bottle of red and a bottle of white and i think some tequila, too. today in case you didn't know and i'm pretty sure you didn't is national stuffing day. why they have national stuffing day two days before thanksgiving, i don't know. it's like having national jesus day two days before christmas. [ laughter ] but happy national stuffing day, guillermo. are you stuffed right now? >> guillermo: a lot, jimmy, yeah, from last night. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, campbell's, the soup people, released what they call their annual state of the sides report. and the most popular thanksgiving side dish of 2023 is -- [ drumroll ] thank you. mashed potatoes is number one, which i endorse. [ cheers and applause ]

in second place, down from first place last year, is stuffing and dressing. and then there's macaroni cheese, yams/sweet potatoes, whichever the hem is which. [ laughter ] in fifth place, green bean casserole, which is nonsense. even the people who like green bean casserole don't like green bean casserole. [ laughter ] have you ever heard anyone say, "pass the green bean casserole"? never been said. i had an argument up in my office today. some of the guys are like, "i love green bean casserole." and i said "no you don't." what you really like are those little cans of fried onions they dump on. [ laughter ] if you start getting the urge for green bean casserole, open those and shove them right in our your mouth. trust me. you like green bean casserole guillermo? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: have you ever had it? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: it's kind of gray. you know what guillermo's favorite side is? the side of the table his mother-in-law isn't on. [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: thank you. >> guillermo: right, jimmy, yes. >> jimmy: she coming over? >> guillermo: yes, of course.

>> jimmy: you having chicken again for thanksgiving this year? >> guillermo: no, we're making tamales. >> jimmy: no turkey? >> guillermo: no turkey at all. we're making tamales. >> jimmy: they say this could be one of the busiest weeks ever, travel-wise. but gas prices are the lowest they've been in years. gas is so cheap, some people are using it as gravy this year. [ laughter ] the price of gas is now back under $3 a gallon in 11 states. not our state. and i don't know about you, but i for one am excited to see all the republicans who were attacking biden were the gas prices so high, now celebrating him for the low prices. [ laughter ] i'm sure that will be very sweet. it was taylor swift night on "dancing with the stars." which means tonight, millions of americans found out that "dancing with the stars" is still on television. [ laughter ] it's like when you realize you never canceled that gym membership. oh, what is this? taylor herself was not on hand for taylor swift night. but last week she sent in a video message to make her considerable presence felt. >> next week, we've got a celebration of taylor swift. here's a special message.

>> i can't wait to see "dancing with the stars" celebration of my "eras" next week. i wish i could be with you guys but i'll be on tour. i'll be there in spirit. >> we know you'll be watching, taylor. >> jimmy: no, she won't. i'm sorry alfonso, i know it's hard to hear, but taylor just lied to you. [ laughter ] taylor swift is not going to devote two hours of her life to watching ariana from "vanderpump rules" do the cha cha. she's busy, and in love. [ laughter ] in washington, our first lady, dr. jill biden welcomed the arrival of the official white house tree. the tree came in by horse and carriage. which is just the message you want to send when you're trying to make everyone forget you are the oldest president in the history of the united states. [ laughter ] the bidens have not yet revealed their official christmas theme. every year they have a theme. last year, the theme was "we the people." which was a welcome departure from the previous administration's theme -- a "maga christmas in hell." [ laughter ] speaking of maga in hell,

marjorie taylor greene released a book today. it is the first book she's ever written or read. [ laughter ] it's called "mtg" and it's got a little bit of everything. it's got some revisionist history, it's got some conspiracy theories, it's got jewish space lasers, and of course marge's famous recipe for gazpacho police in a peachtree dish. [ laughter ] the book is getting a lot of negative reviews online. which i guess is what happens when you tell your supporters reading makes them gay. [ laughter ] a pr person for the publishing company said, "few individuals have taken congress by storm in the same way she has." which is true. and especially impressive when you consider that most of the people who did take congress by storm are in federal custody right now. [ laughter ] marjorie taylor greene is not a bright woman. she says very stupid things on a daily basis, but her new idea might just be her dumbest yet. >> we need accountability. i call out speaker johnson to create a new january 6th select committee, because we need to

hold the old january 6th accountable, nancy pelosi accountable, subpoena the fbi, the department of justice, and anyone else who was involved in what i would call actually the real big lie. that's the big lie is what happened on january 6th. >> jimmy: oh, so she wants to create a january 6th committee to investigate the january 6th committee and do january 6th all over again, i guess. [ laughter ] it's brilliant. did she need to write a book? couldn't we have given her some crayons and a denny's placemat? [ cheers and applause ] got that out of her system? we are now less than two months out from the republican caucus in iowa, which so far is a race for number two. trump has a big lead, but he may very well be going to prison, and nikki haley's poll numbers are on the rise. in new hampshire nikki haley is polling in second place despite making the mistake of doing some totally unscripted crowd work at a rally in the took of hocksett. >> hi, sweet girl, how are you? >> good. >> i love your hat.

>> thank you. thank you. one of your guys gave to it me for free. [ laughter ] >> i want you to tell me which guy that was, because we don't do things for free. although you look cute in it. >> i don't see him right now, he's probably hiding. >> jimmy: let that girl run for president. "we don't do things for free." that should be the official republican party platform. [ laughter ] but the rise of nikki haley is obviously on trump's radar because he took a break from flushing his toilet or whatever to post a video lashing out at her today. >> fox news gave up on ron desanctimonious, he's turned out to be a disaster. now they're pushing bird brain, you know who that is? nikki haley. >> jimmy: what a message. bird brain. you know who that is? nicky hailly. . strong words from a man whose

hair looks exactly like a bird's nest. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] fraud-horn leghorn was truthing up a storm today. he posted not one, but nineteen videos of himself. look at this. like the worst episode of "hold squares" of all-time. [ laughter ] the trump media and technology group just filed a lawsuit against twenty news organizations for reporting that truth social, his platform, lost $73 million when they say they only lost $31.6 million. so now they're suing for $1.5 billion in damages. getting sued for spreading misinformation by truth social is like getting sued for spreading lyme disease by ticks. [ laughter ] it's ironic. but this latest lawsuit, it's part of trump -- he's trying to break the guinness world record for most consecutive days spent in court, and he's getting there. lawsuits from donald trump are like christmas cards from your real seat agent. they immediately get thrown out. [ laughter ] you never hear about them again.

and then we have the evil "x luthor" elon musk. who is suing the watchdog group "media matters" for informing advertisers that ads they were buying on his site were popping up next to proh-pro-nazi conten. last week musk appeared to endorse an anti-semitic post that claimed jews hate white people and want to flood our country with minorities. he responded to the post by saying "you have said the actual truth." and of course, several major companies, including disney, ibm and apple announced they would pull their ads from x. why they were still running ads on x in the first place i don't know. [ laughter ] but now, they're not. and the only ads left now are for cheech and chong edibles. [ laughter ] that is an especially big problem for a woman named linda yaccarino, who is the ceo of x. she came over from a big career in sales at nbc and now she is overseeing a mess. many of her colleagues are calling on her to step down but she has decided to stay put and i thought it might be interesting to check in with her and see how it's going and how she's holding up. linda, are you there? >> yeah, i'm pretty sure he

didn't say all taiwanese people eat kittens, that would be crazy, let me check. no, he said all taiwanese people eat kittens, okay, thank you so much. >> jimmy: linda, hi, it's jimmy kimmel, i want to check in with you and see is everything going okay over there? i've read a lot of stuff in the news. >> everything's going great, i don't know what you're talking about, everything's going great. >> jimmy: why are you drinking so much wine, then? >> because i already drank all the vodka. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you worried about the fact that major companies are pulling their advertising from your platform? because your boss, elon musk, thought it was a good idea to amplify an anti-semitic message? oh, boy, yeah. >> that is so interesting. what was your question again? >> jimmy: i said, are you concerned that elon's hateful posts are harming your business? >> is a hot dog a sandwich? well, that's a good one. i don't know, i guess it would depend on the shape of the hot dog- >> jimmy: you see, that is not at all what i asked, i was

asking you if you -- yeah. >> aahh! >> jimmy: why are you screaming? >> that's how we say hello here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> excuse me, what? he said hitler is a cool guy? no, no, no, that can't be right, he wouldn't say that he probably meant hitler was chilling -- no, i see it here, "hitler is a cool guy." okay, that's great, thank you so much. >> jimmy: yeah, see, that's what i'm talking about. and people are wondering why you're defending elon, because you've had a very respect be career in television. this makes you look pretty bad. [ laughter ] >> did you just say i look pretty? >> jimmy: i said this makes you look pretty bad, actually. >> listen, elon is outspoken, okay? but i can fix him, you know? i just have to shrink myself down and hide under a chef hat and kind of control everything he does. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, that's the plot of "ratatouille." so i don't think that's -- >> hold on. aahh! i'm sorry, what?

he said that kanye made some good points? okay, all right, yeah, i'll taig take care of it, thank you so much. >> jimmy: he said kanye made some good points, huh? oh, no. that's not really good. are you saying hello again now? >> no, i'm screaming for real, jimmy. >> jimmy: linda, i just want to say good luck with everything and we're all rooting for you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome. enjoy the cake. [ cheers and applause ] linda yaccarino. we thought it might be fun to grant wishes in real life. we did investigating. we got to the bottom of real wishes held by deserving people. teachers, volunteers, and kids from children's hospital. we found out what they wanted for christmas. we sent in a magical genie named melissa to make their wishes come true.

>> oh-oh, let's test it -- oh-oh -- >> i've never seen this. >> come here. ♪ christmas tree ♪ whoa! >> well, hello there, i'm a.i. melissa mccarthy. what is your name, small one? >> i don't sigh yeah. >> who's the giant next to you? >> boomer, big boomer in the building. >> i know you were having trouble with motor transportation with two wheels? >> my bike is flat. >> oh, just like many of the real melissa mccarthy's jokes. ha ha ha! elf downey, show them what we've got. >> oh. oh. >> thank you. >> a bike pump, what is this, 1957, johnny? >> huh? >> johnny, go sober up, go on. hold on. i'll be right back. will you wait for me? >> okay. >> oh.

>> i mean, johnny can't just give you a pump. what do you think? >> oh, oh! >> i got it, i got it, i got it. >> what is your name? >> mason. >> what are some of your hobbies? >> i act and i draw sometimes. >> what's your favorite actor or actress? >> lin-manuel miranda. >> lin's okay, try again. [ laughter ] >> you. [ ding ] >> great answer. listen, kid. is there something in particular you're really hoping you get for christmas? >> nintendo switch. >> nintendo? that's with mature grow, am i right? >> yep. >> i used to date him. a real freak. and his brother. i also dated him. i'm not going to go into details. it wasn't natural. [ laughter ] are you in the mood for a gift? >> yeah. >> i heard you love crackers. [ laughter ]

>> oh my -- >> how about that? >> thank you so much! >> very happy. >> it's a $5,000 gift certificate to target. >> can we use it to go get some starbucks? >> neighbor you should get an electric bike instead. >> no way. >> this is from my very favorite booking.com, this is $50,000. how's that sound? i can keep it. you don't want it, i'll just keep it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, melissa. melissa mccarthy. watch "genie" on peacock starting tomorrow night. we've got a good show for you tonight. lamorne morris is here. we have music from alec benjamin and we'll be right back with will arnett, so stick around!

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year-round tan and a voice like cayenne petter and sex. [ laughter ] you can see him on the big screen in the taika waititi-directed "next goal wins" and watch new episodes of "lego masters" thursday nights on fox. please welcome will arnett. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> whoa! just soaking it in, you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> man. gosh. >> jimmy: you look great. >> thanks, pal. >> jimmy: i feel like i'm being pulled over. [ laughter ]

>> oh, man, i love it. you come out and it's a joke right away, it's unbelievable. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you do look very muscular, you look big. i haven't seen you. the hgh -- you're vaping that, right? [ laughter ] >> yeah, i got a full mainline going. how are you doing, man? >> jimmy: great. are you back to work now? it was a long strike. >> it was a long strike, yeah. it was a long strike, but we're happy to be back. you're happy to have people back, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm of course happy, yeah. able to promote things. >> i don't know if you watched jimmy's show during the strike. it's like," hey, let's roll out another author." [ laughter ] "hey, talk to us more about your book." >> jimmy: we did have a lot of authors. >> i mean, it's just -- you don't want to see -- writers, that's their medium, writing. we don't want to see them talk. [ laughter ] we'll get all your writers out from the show. you're the most handsome one we

got, okay? [ laughter ] think about how how the bar is around here. >> jimmy: have you thought about writing a book? boy -- >> love to. love to, thank you. >> jimmy: love to learn about what guess on inside that head, so many thoughts. >> well, it would -- again, thank you. i'm very complimented by it. i don't know if this is an offer, i don't know who you know in publishing. [ laughter ] i'd be happy to cut you in. we can all wet our beaks on this for sure. >> jimmy: sure, i'd love to be a part of that. >> yeah, i would write some stuff, about my life, how i kind of -- my easy-going nature. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> maybe about my workouts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your humility? >> my world-class humility. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: over the break, over the strike, i guess it's not a break, really, when it's forced on you. >> it's not a -- it's not a break, it's a strike, it's a work stoppage.

a lot of people were obviously very damaged by it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a lot of the -- not just actors and writers but everybody else who works in this town were feeling it, from drivers to hookers to facialists. [ laughter ] so, you know, plastic surgeons. just the people who -- i was going to get a full diamond grille, then the strike happened. [ laughter ] so my dentist. >> jimmy: he's out probably 83,000 bucks. >> 114 grand. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you get to spend time with the family. >> yeah. [ laughter ] i did. >> jimmy: no good? >> i did. let me just say -- my friend said, you know -- look, it's great spending time with people in your life, but you know, my relationship was not made for 24 hours a day. [ laughter ] can't sustain it. >> jimmy: your son denny is 3 now? >> denny is 3. all jokes aside, i was there a lot. i think that my partner, alessandra, i think it was tough for her because i was doing a

lot of the commenting on stuff that i normally wouldn't have noticed. "hey, you going to let him nap for an hour? why don't you let him nap for 90 minutes? the kid's tired." "he's going to stay up all night." i was paying attention to the wrong stuff. >> jimmy: you were paying attention. >> i was paying attention. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: which can be a problem. >> can be a real problem if i'm paying attention. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who were you here with besides louis? do you have a team? >> i've got chappy, who you met. >> jimmy: i met chappy. >> chappy's here. my buddy eli. >> jimmy: eli is here? >> eli is here. don't you know, eli's from canada. he's the most unreliable source for hockey stats of all -- he'll make a sweeping generalization, "oh, yeah, that player, he had four seasons of 100 points, eh?" i'm like, i can check this in one second, it's verifiable. literally as we were talking about it in the dressing room, we talked about how about points brad marchand of the boston

bruins has had in the last five years. "500." just like that. we go, we're going to look it up right now. i had louis add it up. it was 403 points. he goes," that's pretty close." [ laughter ] 97. did that happen for real? that happened. i had some witnesses. >> jimmy: i love your podcast, "smartless." >> thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i enjoy listening to it. you and jason bateman and sean hayes. >> jimmy, you were on the podcast, you did a great job. then you came when we were on tour and did the live show. part of the hard-hitting documentary about our podcast. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. you guys really -- you played it pretty low-key. >> we didn't pull any punch. >> you stayed in the same room. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you guys roomed together. >> we did. >> jimmy: also traveled almost alone on a giant private jet. >> yeah. [ laughter ] oh, i get it. that's not acceptable. yeah. yes, we did do that. >> jimmy: and in a way you're

being honest, but also in another way you're being ridiculous. >> of course. it's ridiculous. anyway, sorry, you had a question. go ahead, jim. >> jimmy: i was going to ask you if you worked -- if one of you stopped doing the podcast. >> right. >> jimmy: would you keep going? >> if jason and sean died tonight? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i -- i would seem so sad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can see you're getting a little choked up, yeah. would you mind taking off your glasses so we can really see how choked up you're getting? >> give me one second. no, not sad about that. hm, it's just a dog -- >> jimmy: which one are you thinking of right now? neither of them, huh? >> she had a long life, that's okay, it's fine. i'm trying to get there. >> jimmy: should we take a break? >> take a break, good idea. >> jimmy: we'll come back to you, you'll be in full tears. will arnett is here. we'll be right back. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you

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this isn't fair. >> fair? you want to know about fair? let me tell you a story, buddy. when i was a kid, i had this dog. i loved this dog. then he got older. i guess he had some anger issues. my dad said we needed to put the dog down. my dad made me take that dog outside and drown him in a pond. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: will arnett in "next goal wins" directed by would waititi. >> michael fassbender, a great group of people. >> jimmy: it's a great story, a real story, true story about the american samoa national football team, we call soccer. they were known as the worst team in the world, right? >> yeah, they'd never scored a goal on the international stage. and this is the story about them just hoping to score a goal. >> jimmy: to score a goal. >> yeah. it's american samoa, it's a beautiful story. it's a true story. >> jimmy: yeah, i said that, yeah. [ laughter ] >> you said that in the preamble? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> god, i knew you were talking because i could see your lips moving. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's the glasses, probably, a little dark. >> i think so. >> jimmy: did you shoot that in -- >> good to be here, jim. >> jimmy: yeah, it's great to have you. [ laughter ] did you shoot that -- >> thank you, jim and laurie in houston.

thank you, ken in new york. thanks, gary. thanks, larry. [ cheers and applause ] will arnett after the break, ken! good? >> jimmy: you know, you did that so well. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i wanted to share something that we found. this is something that one of our producers happened upon. this is from woodstock. the second one, not the first one. >> [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: you worked that gig? you did something with woodstock '94? >> i did, woodstock '94. listen -- yeah. [ laughter ] by the way, thank you. lone clapper. you have given me the strength that i needed. i did -- my friend was producing this thing, and i'd never -- i got a paid job to go up and be an overnight vj. remember vj? >> jimmy: sure. >> i said vj. [ laughter ] cool it. this crowd, huh? like the horniest crowd in l.a. >> jimmy: it's stuffing day. >> is that what's going on? >> jimmy: yeah.

>> so -- so they asked me to come and do this thing. and i'd never done anything like this before but i got paid. it was a paycheck. >> jimmy: do you remember how much you got? >> i think i got 5 grand for the whole weekend. i had to work all night. maybe less. it was -- man, i tell you what, it was -- >> jimmy: whatever it was, you nailed it. >> i'm your host will arnett, and i'm here on the woodstock overnight show here at woodstock ninety-four. shore -- show -- here woodstock 94. today -- tonight, rather -- tonight, we're going to take a look at some bands and some behind-the-scenes stuff. we're also going to give you just an overlook at some of the bands that are going to be playing tomorrow here at woodstock ninety-four. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: even back then we knew you'd become one of our great voice-over and commercial pitchmen. did you want to give it another try? because we got one of the microphones. [ cheers and applause ]

we can erase some demons here. >> right here? >> jimmy: go over to that spot and try to get in that same position. then we'll wipe the internet clean of all the previous -- >> oh, that's pretty good. here we go. let me know when you guys are rolling. [ laughter ] i'm still going to bang out a few more promos. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. >> okay? after this. we haven't said hi to the gang in miami yet. here we go. here we go. >> jimmy: and woodstock '94. >> i'm your host, will arnett, here on the woodstock overnight ho -- show -- show. tonight we're going to take a look at some bands and some behind-the-scene stuff. also just give you overlook at some of the bands that are going to be playing here tomorrow here woodstock 94. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. >> i feel like it was better. >> jimmy: it was so much better.

>> good, right? >> jimmy: so much better. "next goal wins" is in theaters now. watch "lego masters" thursday nights at 9:00 on the fox network. will arnett, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with lamorne morris! detect this: living with hiv, i learned i can stay undetectable with fewer medicines. that's why i switched to dovato. dovato is a complete hiv treatment for some adults. no other complete hiv pill uses fewer medicines to help keep you undetectable than dovato. detect this: most hiv pills contain 3 or 4 medicines. dovato is as effective with just 2. if you have hepatitis b, don't stop dovato without talking to your doctor. don't take dovato if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking dofetilide. this can cause serious or life-threatening side effects. if you have a rash or allergic reaction symptoms, stop dovato and get medical help right away. serious or life-threatening lactic acid buildup and liver problems can occur. tell your doctor if you have kidney or liver problems,

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♪tasty glazed turkeys that won't be forgotten♪ ♪their warm mac and cheese has us feasting like kings♪ ♪these are a few of my favorite things♪ every bite is a celebration with the honey baked ham company [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello, sports fans, and welcome to "excessive celebration tonight" where we count down the most excessive celebrations in america. >> i'm four-time nfl all-pro chad ochocinco. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and i'm jimmy kimmel. let's get to it! coming in hot at number three from washington d.c. it's ray ortman with "license to shrill!" i'm not sure if his team won or his appendix burst.

>> i think this guy loves football more than i do! >> jimmy: he might. we applaud your passion, ray. in the number two spot, all the way from raliegh, north carolina it's jorge carrillo with the dorky dad dance! jorge had just scored concert tickets to see you-know-who for his family and couldn't help but let the windmill go. >> this is a lot. this is a lot extra. >> jimmy: it as lot. >> yes. >> jimmy: some might even say too much, chad. but the number one most excessive celebration comes from deep within the soul of trailan harris who is here from dacula, georgia, with a celebration titled, "no top, won't stop." >> oh, he's getting revved up, getting revved up. >> jimmy: he is. looks like the shirt is coming off! it is, folks. the shirt is now part of the

excessive celebration history. the shirt is off! gentlemen, for your bursting enthusiasm, we are sending you to the only place where excessive celebration is not only encouraged, a petition has been started to support it. the home of this year's super bowl. we're sending you on a three day, two night, all expenses paid trip to las vegas, nevada. [ cheers and applause ] there you have it, folks. four very happy individuals. >> lou: excessive celebration is encouraged at super bowl lviii. support the fight at change.org/celebration. with my psoriatic arthritis symptoms. but just ok isn't ok. and i was done settling. if you still have symptoms after a tnf blocker like humira or enbrel,

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♪ >> jimmy: hey, we have music from alec benjamin on the way. our next guest you know from "new girl." he is now part of a fifth season of the great show "fargo." you can watch new episodes tuesday nights on fx. please welcome lamorne morris. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: please, have a seat. the last time you were here, you guest hosted the show for me. >> i know. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that. >> you're very welcome, you're very welcome.

[ cheers and applause ] i had a flashback, i'm sorry i came directly to the seat. >> jimmy: it's okay. i want to tell you i sometimes feel, when the staff talks about you filling in, that they like you better than they like me. [ laughter ] >> well. >> jimmy: whatever you did. >> i like them too. >> jimmy: i would hope so. they were very fond of you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: then, of course, you did a great job. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you have fun doing it? >> i had a lot of fun. hosting is great. it's fun. the audience is always into it. you can say things like, scream! [ cheers and applause ] a bit of a maestro. >> jimmy: if you were to walk around going, scream! get the [ bleep ] away from me. >> you're hosting the oscars? >> jimmy: i am hosting the oscars, yes, next year. [ cheers and applause ] in march. >> just, you know -- i've been here before, i've done this thing before, you know what i mean? i feel like maybe -- everybody likes me, you said, the whole staff. >> jimmy: yeah? >> possibly, you know, i could be your understudy. >> jimmy: oh, for the oscars?

>> for the oscars. >> jimmy: oh, for the oscars, all right. [ cheers and applause ] it's funny, now that i think about it, why wouldn't there be an understudy? you have understudies at every dinner theater in america. >> exactly, yeah. >> jimmy: the oscars, something happens to me -- >> 100%. you're a rich guy. you might take hot air balloons and stuff like that. >> jimmy: i might get in a hot air balloon and carried away. >> killed by a gorilla. i don't know where you travel to. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: you've nailed it exactly, that's exactly what i like to do. get in a hot air balloon -- >> jimmy, it's -- ♪ all i ever wanted ♪ kidding, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: what's your plan for thanksgiving? spent it at home? >> yeah, going home. >> jimmy: chicago? >> chicago, yeah. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: do you actually live in chicago? you have a place there? >> i do, i have a house in chicago. i bought it this year. a bit of a family house. >> jimmy: nice. >> everybody comes together. this will be kind of like breaking the house in, you know what i mean? >> jimmy: your mom will be there? >> mom will be there.

siblings. some friends. their kids. you know what i mean, the whole group's there. everybody's cooking potluck style. >> jimmy: do you cook as well? >> shut up. [ laughter ] i ain't got no socks on. of course i cook. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that one of the signs? >> yeah. you know? apron or no socks, that's how we get down. >> jimmy: what do you cook? >> world-famous brisket. >> jimmy: brisket for thanksgiving? >> it's been talked about. >> jimmy: everybody oohs and aahs over it. you've done this before? >> done this before. my family's from belize. whoo! [ cheers ] no belizians in the house? >> jimmy: we didn't know they were called belizians until just now. >> belizians. the food is different, it's great food. my mom, my cousins, they're all great cooks. my grandma, she was the one who really passed down her recipes and things like that. >> jimmy: nice.

>> but you know, god rest her soul, my grandma, she's no longer with us. but she would make some [ bleep ] potato salad. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i don't know if it was -- i don't know if it was her. it's not her because everybody else liked it, you know what i mean? i just don't lying potato salad. you guys like potato salad? >> jimmy: would she make you eat the potato salad? >> oh, communist. >> jimmy: would she force you to eat the potato salad? >> she would. she would. my grandmother was old-school. she didn't like us wasting food. what she would do is check the garbage can to make sure we didn't throw anything away. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: she'd go digging through the trash? then what were the ramifications of that? >> ha ha ha. [ laughter ] she old-school. >> jimmy: oh, really? the wooden spoon would come out? >> she had a belt named harry. and i've never gotten hit with harry, that's the funny thing. she would scare us. it had a bell at the end. she would jingle it. we'd go -- [ bleep ], harry's here. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: she had a belt with a

bell at the end of it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and did she ever -- did any of your siblings or cousins ever get harry? >> never. >> jimmy: harry was really just a warning? >> yeah. she would hit the floor a lot. whap! oh, that's going to hurt if it hits me! [ laughter ] we would just chill out, you know. that was smart, though. i still -- obviously i'm a genius. [ laughter ] i came to the conclusion that i got to get around this. you know what i mean? so what i would do is i would take the food -- one time it was potato salad, it was also liver. >> jimmy: kids hate liver. >> hate liver. i thought, can't put it in the trash because she's a detective like that. i'm going to outsmart her go to the bathroom. can't flush it down the toilet because the pipes, they were wonky like that, you know what i mean? so what i did was i would sneak and it hide it under the rug. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: never find it there! >> yeah. >> jimmy: the rug in the bathroom? >> found it quickly. [ laughter ] found it quickly.

needless to say, jingle, jingle, jingle clam. >> jimmy: harry came out to visit. i saw you in "fargo." the show's so good. you're so good in it, too. [ cheers and applause ] i can't wait to see the whole thing. >> i'm excited. >> jimmy: comes out tonight. >> tonight. >> jimmy: two episodes tonight. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're working with jon hamm. >> yes, jon hamm. >> jimmy: did you know jon hamm before this? >> yeah. no, not really. i'd met him once. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> okay, so i'm a drug-free person. >> jimmy: okay. >> i just want to start by saying that. >> jimmy: all right. >> but in this one particular occasion, i may have ingested some shrooms that i found. >> jimmy: okay. >> that i thought was a seasoning or something. so i had -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> all these shrooms. >> jimmy: out there smoking that brisket, yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. i ingested some brisket. i go to this party, get invited to this party at chappelle's. i walk in, dammit, i shouldn't have ingested those shrooms

accidentally. [ laughter ] because, like, these -- in this room, some of my favorite people, my idols and whatever. then i'm sitting next to jon hamm. and i'm clearly the high one in the room, right? i'm clearly just out of my mind because i'd never done it before. and i'm sweating. and i'm being weird. [ laughter ] i'm -- i'm plumb dumb at this point. and jon goes, "maybe you should get some water." and behind him there are these red neon lights. all i heard was, in a deep voice," maybe you should get some water." he sounded like will arnett, you know what i mean? [ laughter ] i'm like, jon hamm is the devil! i get up and i'm tripping out. i literally met satan, he tried to drown me with water. this is what i really thought. i wonder out in the forest and hang out by a tree for a couple of hours. >> jimmy: were you really out by the tree for a couple of hours? >> for a couple of hours yeah. >> jimmy: jon hamm sent you on

some kind of vision kest quest? >> he did. i'm thankful for that, i got familiar with trees. >> jimmy: you have to. >> it's really important. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. glad you survived the woods. the show is called "fargo." if you've not seen it, you must. it's a great show. watch new episodes on tuesday nights a at 10:00 on fx, the next day on hulu. lamorne morris, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] be right back with alec benjamin!

>> jimmy: thanks to will arnett, lamorne morris and melissa mccarthy. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first with the song "different kind of beautiful," alec benjamin! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ you're a different kind of beautiful the kind that makes me scared ♪ ♪ the kind that makes me turn around and act like ♪ ♪ i'm not there the kind that takes my breath away ♪ ♪ and leaves me without air maybe i'm delusional ♪ ♪ you're just that kind of beautiful i grab an hors d'oeuvre and head to the bar ♪ ♪ i place an order a tip in the jar a couple of dollars i had in my car ♪ ♪ i turn the corner

and that's when i see you in the corner there starin' at me ♪ ♪ mind out of order and heart on my sleeve i was hopin' that i'd run into you here ♪ ♪ but now i'm stumblin' and i can't seem to figure this out ♪ ♪ now i'm broken and i'm crumblin' in the open and it's troublin' ♪ ♪ but i ♪ ♪ you're a different kind of beautiful ♪ ♪ the kind that makes me scared the kind that makes me turn around ♪ ♪ and act like i'm not there the kind that takes my breath away and ♪ ♪ leaves me without air maybe i'm delusional you're just that ♪ ♪ kind of beautiful different kind of beautiful ♪ ♪ the kind that makes me fear the kind that makes me turn ♪ ♪ around and act like i'm not here the kind that takes my breath away ♪ ♪ every time you're near maybe i'm delusional you're just that kind of beautiful ♪

♪ i try to speak but i can't find the words knees gettin' ♪ ♪ weak and my speech gettin' slurred hands feelin' heavy and vision is blurred ♪ ♪ i don't even know what i wanted to say didn't expect to be feelin' this way ♪ ♪ you turn your head and then you walk away i was hopin' that ♪ ♪ i'd run into you here but now i'm stumblin' and i can't seem ♪ ♪ to figure this out now i'm broken and i'm crumblin' ♪ ♪ in the open and it's troublin' but i see you and it fills me with doubt ♪ ♪ you're a different kind of beautifulthe kind that makes me scared the kind that makes ♪ ♪ me turn around and act like i'm not there the kind that takes my breath away and ♪ ♪ leaves me without air maybe i'm delusional you're just that kind of beautiful ♪ ♪ different kind of beautiful the kind that makes me fear ♪ ♪ the kind that makes me turn around and act like ♪ ♪ i'm not here the kind that takes my breath away every time you're near ♪ ♪ maybe i'm delusional you're just that

kind of beautiful da-da-da-dum ♪ ♪ da-da-da-dum da-da-da-dum da-da-da-dum ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] tonight, danger in the fields? a chemical so toxic it can kill with a single sip. banned in 50 countries, including where it's manufactured. but used here in the united states. >> we as americans should be