previously on "jimmy kimmel live!" -- >> hello, sir. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- ray romano -- sebastian maniscalco -- and music from paul russell -- with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in hollywood. we are like exactly three weeks from christmas today. four nights into the elf on the shelf if you're the parent of young kids. last night once again, we got into bed, we just start drifting off to sleep and my wife goes oh, we forgot to move the elf. downstairs i went to find a new shelf for the elf, which i'm not sure our kids even buy anymore. my son billy is 6, and the other night he muttered something about it being us moving the elf. why do you think it's me and mom that move it? without even looking up, he said, "because it is." [ laughter ] and yet still i'm running

downstairs in my underwear at midnight to move that thing. it's very easy to forget the elf. so as a reminder and as a service to all the moms and dads out there who are doing this, here is an idea for your elf tonight. it's almost midnight. hopefully the kids are asleep. go get the elf, put him in the medicine cabinet and let him go to town on the latuda or whatever you have in there. [ laughter ] tonight on monday night football, last night taylor swift was in green bay playing the packers. here she is walking into the stadium, all decked out in red with brittany mahomes, the wife of patrick. and here she is leaving the game after the chiefs lost. >> hi. >> jimmy: yeah, you're always safe just saying hi. it's the first time the chiefs have lost with taylor in attendance. i have to say, it wasn't a great performance for swift. her applause was disorganized, especially in the third down situations. [ laughter ] she had a tough time cheering

against the more experienced packers fans. it's easy to forget, she's still a rookie, she still has a lot to learn. whenever taylor swift is in town, it's a big deal. the local nbc station in green bay even had a reporter at the airport. >> taylor, it looks like, has slipped away in a moment in time as the two vehicles that brought her to lambeau field drove right by us here roughly 20 minutes ago. and roughly 10 or 15 minutes ago, we did see her jet taxi right by us, and we also got to meet some young swifties, coming here just to see taylor. >> you know, they're on the plane. so in a way it's sort of like you've seen them, but you haven't. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i mean, not sort of so much as exactly. but yeah. [ laughter ] thanks for driving us here in 14 degrees, dad. speaking of cheeseheads, donald trump was up very late last night, thumbing out a rebuttal to a story in the new book by

former congresswoman liz cheney at 12:56 a.m. he posted," crazy liz cheney, who suffers from trump dera derangement syndrome at a level rarely seen before, writes in her boring new book that kev-en mccarthy said he came to mar-a-lago after the rigged election because the former president was depressed and not eating. that statement is not true. i was not depressed, i was angry, and it was not that i was not eating, it was that i was eating too much." that's why they send kevin in. for once, i believe something he's saying. [ laughter and applause ] why would he even mention this? i guess he can't resist. whatever someone says, he has to say the opposite. he can't help it. call him unstable. call him dumb. he says, "i'm a stable genius." mention his crowd was small, he says it was the biggest in history. say he wasn't eating, he says, "i was eating too much." for no reason! i would like to have some fun with this and see what we can

get them to contradict. [ laughter ] like i say trump looks terrible in women's shoes. and he's like," no one looks better than trump in women's shoes!" [ laughter and applause ] "when i wear pumps, people come up with tears in their eyes, "sir, we've never seen calves as sexy as yours!" [ laughter ] and he went on. "but that's not why keven mccarthy was there. he was at mar-a-lago to get my support, and to bring the republican party together. only good intentions." okay, well, in that case, file that under "wasted trip." [ laughter ] trump misspelled "kevin" twice. the guy who is constantly questioning biden's mental sharpness cannot spell not only one of the most common names in the world, also the name of his co-star in "home alone 2." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] his favorite son. trump was in cedar rapids on saturday where he floated -- it has to be one of his most nonsensical election notions yet. >> in 2016 we ran the whole east coast of the country, and that

made up for california, which i actually believe that if they didn't have rigged elections out there, if they didn't have all the paper. you know, they send out like 36 million ballots, and nobody knows where the hell they're going to or coming from. but i think if you had a real election, and jesus came down and god came down and said i'm going to be the scorekeeper here, i think we'd win there. i think we'd win in illinois, and i think we'd win in new york. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] first of all, if jesus comes down, you're going straight to hell. [ cheers and applause ] that's number one. no white house, no jail. jesus is like, you're out. and number two -- you have about as much chance of winning california and new york as you do of winning an ice dancing medal at the olympics. [ laughter ] zero. these rallies of his have become like professional wrestling. even fox news had to break in this weekend to announce that what he was saying wasn't true. every rally now he complains

about the stolen election, he says windmills are killing whales, he calls chris christie a fat pig. and then closes with his signature female weightlifter routine. >> he got the parents, the sister, everyone is so proud, this young girl, she is a weight lifter. she is a champion. they have a quarter ounce, quarter ounce. she grabs it. "mom, i'm going to make you so proud, mom." and then she gets down. agh! agh! aah! aah! egghh! aah, aah, aah, aah, aah, aah, aah, aah! uh, uhh, ahh, ahh! uhh, ahh, ahh, uhh, ahh! [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, melania is a lucky lady, isn't she?

anyway, hand me those nuclear codes again, will ya? [ laughter ] and a scoop of that metamucil while you're at it. when jesus does come back he's going to impressed by trump's commitment to christmas. the orange messiah has a lot of stuff for sale, including wrapping paper, from his "never surrender" christmas collection. featuring a mugshot photo ironically taken moments after he did surrender, for the tree. you can get a 3d replica of mar-a-lago. you can buy a mini faux gold trump hotel. you can get a cody foster-designed blown glass donald trump head, a handmade trump christmas stocking full of slovenian sudafed. [ laughter ] there is a donald trump elf on the shelf. don't worry kids if you do anything bad, he's done worse. [ laughter ] and finally the greatest donald trump gift of all. >> introducing the one and only original and newly redesigned trumpy bear.

trumpy bear's thumbs-up let everyone know he will always be there for you. just find the secret zipper and pull out the american flag-themed blanket and show your patriotism by proudly displaying trumpy bear in your home. >> jimmy: what comes out of the secret zipper? [ laughter ] you know, if you buy two trumpy bears you get his son, cocaine bear, for free. [ laughter and applause ] [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: thank you. but we are going to need something lovable to hang on to, because george santos is officially a former congressman. on friday, santos was expelled. [ cheers and applause ] by a vote of 311 to 114. so back to stealing puppies from the amish i guess, i don't know. [ laughter ] the house maintenance crew wasted no time changing the locks to his office. [ laughter ] how funny would it be if they opened that door today and 100 purses came tumbling out. [ laughter ] and while it is confusing as to why they'd have to change the

locks on an office he can't go into, apparently, this is crazy -- even though he's been expelled, legally, he still has access to the house floor, the dining room, the cloakroom and the gym, which that won't be awkward at all. you vote him out and you still have to shower with him? [ laughter ] george santos is basically an ex who still has the key to your apartment. [ laughter ] and here is an interesting factoid. you remember that congressman joe wilson from south carolina? the one who shouted "you lie" at president obama during the state of the union address? well, he voted not to expel george santos. i guess his position on lying has evolved. [ laughter ] in the 234 years of the house of representatives - george santos is only the sixth member ever to be expelled. the last congressman to get kicked out was a democrat. james traficant from ohio back in 2002. >> i want you to disregard all the opposing counsel has said. i think they're delusionary. i think they've had something funny for lunch in their meal.

i think they should be handcuffed to a chain-link fence, flogged, and all of their hearsay evidence should be thrown the hell out. and if they lie again, i'm going to go over and kick them in the crotch. thank you very much. [ laughter and moans ] >> jimmy: so santos is in very good company. how long before he's on a reality show? "big brother" and "the masked singer" are gonna be fighting over this guy like nike and adidas trying to sign michael jordan. but for now at least he is out of a job, and we had to fire two of our writers. they have nothing do to do now. [ laughter ] we have honestly grown quite fond of george santos' shenanigans, and he will be missed. he will be missed but he will not ever be forgotten. ♪ i will remember you ♪ >> you're accused of fabricating every single part of your life. ♪ will you remember me ♪ >> george santos, i'm just a regular person, piers. ♪ don't let your life pass you by ♪ >> i'm not a fraud. i'm not a fake.

♪ leave not for the memories ♪ >> rosa parks didn't sit in the back, and neither am i going to sit in the back. >> i'm going give the fashion review of the new lunar suit. >> today i rise to honor the beginning of yom hatmut, israel's independence day. >> you're not jewish. >> well, i never said i am. guys, i'm jew-ish. i'm jew-ish. >> i went to school on a volleyball scholarship. >> i put myself through school and got an maybe. most people lie on their resumes. >> he is george santos. also, anthony devolder. and at least ones a drag queen named k d kitara ravage. >> were you ever a drag queen in brazil? >> i was not a drag queen. i was young and i had fun at a festival. ♪ i will remember you ♪ >> let's go mets! ♪ will you remember me ♪ >> ow, guys, you got to relax.

♪ don't let your love pass you by ♪ >> since i've gotten here, i can chew and walk gum at the same time. i can chew gum and walk at the same time. [ laughter ] ♪ leave not for the memories ♪ ♪ ♪ weep not for the memories ♪ [ cheering and applause ] >> jimmy: i feel like we haven't seen the last of him. all right. we've got a great show for you tonight. sebastian maniscalco is here. we have music from paul russell. and we'll be right back with ray romano. so stick around. okay, when you turn around, you're gonna see someone. may i have a turkey and cheese? let's imagine that ll cool j has a bubble around him.

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♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight a very funny man, his new show on max is called "bookie," sebastian maniscalco is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, from atlanta, he has a big viral hit called, "lil boo thang" which was also what my wife calls me, by the way. [ laughter ] yeah. music from paul russell. [ cheers and applause ] and you'll be hearing me say the words little boo thang a couple more times before the night is over. we have new shows. let's see. this week, we've got new shows with adam levine, bill burr, mahershala ali, lily gladstone, greta lee and halle bailey. with music from grupo frontera, joshua ray walker and atarashii gakko. did i get that right, toshi? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay, great, thanks. are you listening to music in those headphones?

[ laughter ] you like that, huh? [ laughter ] >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: that's right. for once it's not you. >> guillermo: thank god! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: our first guest tonight is beloved by all and has a peabody award to prove it. his new movie marks his directing debut. it's called "somewhere in queens" and can be seen on hulu right now. please welcome ray romano. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? very good to see you. >> hey, thank you. wow, wow, wow. >> jimmy: so talented. i feel like people don't even know. they don't appreciate the depths of how much talent you have. >> i wish my -- i wish my wife watched your show. [ laughter ] so she could hear this. >> jimmy: how you? i know you're in vegas this

weekend. >> i just worked in vegas. i love working there. >> jimmy: the mirage? >> i did, i was there yesterday. i flew back yesterday. had some fun. good fun. clean. you know. >> jimmy: clean fun? [ laughter ] what's your idea of clean fun in las vegas? >> you know, the museum. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: which one? >> we went to the zoo. >> jimmy: there's no zoo. >> there is none, right? i forget you're from there. >> jimmy: i am from there. i know these places. >> they should have a zoo. >> jimmy: they have animals in some of the casinos but no zoo. >> you know, i always feel sorry. here is the thing about a zoo. do you think when that -- when that stupid kid falls in the gorilla pit, the gorillas are going, we're going get shot in the head now, aren't we? [ laughter ] this little [ bleep ]. i got a laser. >> jimmy: yes, i do think that. you know, i think this is the first time you've been here since your little [ bleep ] son -- i should say, no. [ laughter ] is actually very, very nice kid

matt worked here for many years. >> yes. thank you very much. >> jimmy: he was beloved by everyone. he is really a good kid. >> you were very kind to my son. he worked here for a number of years. and he has moved on a little. >> jimmy: yeah? >> he's actually getting married. he's getting married in april. >> jimmy: he is? [ cheers and applause ] wow. >> first one. >> jimmy: wow. >> first one, yeah. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> i never thought it would happen. well, i mean, i shouldn't say that. but, you know, even here there is a picture of him. can we show that picture of when he worked here? look at that. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, there he is. [ laughter ] >> how was that kid going to get married? [ laughter ] how? i don't know. look how hard you tried to keep him a virgin. [ laughter ] and somehow, somehow -- what are you doing? what is that thing? >> jimmy: it was the chanucorn, it's a character for chanukah. i don't know how matt wound up in the costume.

that's my son billy and your son. >> there is a woman marrying that kid there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: does she know she is marrying a furry? [ laughter ] >> i don't think she's seen that. >> jimmy: you might want to run that by her. >> keep from it her, yeah. >> jimmy: have all your kids moved out? or are any still home? >> i have one left. but it's a big house. so we don't see him a lot, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that true? >> well, he sleeps until 12:30 in the afternoon. you know. >> jimmy: do you and your wife anna, have you now rekindled your days of prechildren, your romantic time together, a renaissance, if you will? [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> how long are you married for? >> jimmy: i'm married for ten years. >> okay. i'm not even going to tell you how long i'm married. >> jimmy: okay. >> here's what i'll do. i'll tell you what happens now. >> jimmy: okay. >> and you can guess. you're from vegas. we'll do the over/under.

[ laughter ] i'll tell you what. here is one thing. here is an example. she said this to me the other day. i'm quoting my wife. she just looked at me and said, "you don't talk a lot, but when you do, it's too much." [ laughter ] word for word, word for word. here is another one. here is a better example. a better example. the other day i woke up. i went in the bathroom, and my wife's brushing her teeth, and i walk in, and she turns to me and goes, "another thing that pisses me off." [ laughter ] it's already on. i don't know what happened. >> jimmy: have you hit the time where you maybe have separate beds or maybe even separate bedrooms? >> we don't. i've brought it up. [ laughter ] well, only because -- listen, listen, my wife is the greatest.

she has put up with me and the boys, and she is the greatest. but i annoy her. i sleep with a flashlight. [ laughter ] because she likes to go to bed, i like to read. i have to tell you this story, okay? you're not as old as me. but we're both -- >> jimmy: close. >> we're both getting up there. i don't know if this is an old thing or what, okay. i don't know what it is, but i sleep with a little flashlight. it's this big and it's got a strap. i love it. i read. but the other -- a couple of weeks ago, so i fall asleep reading. i wake up, i can't find it. okay. so i'm like a crazy man, i'm in my underwear running around. i'm obsessed now. i got to find this. and she gets mad at me, my wife. she's like," let it go." i can't let it go. my agent calls, i start telling him about it. [ laughter ] yes. here's what i found out. when you make somebody a lot of money, they have to listen to your disappearing question. he's got to pretend.

[ laughter and applause ] he is pretending he is into it. "did you check the pillowcase?" "of course i checked the pillowcase!" and then i stop. i go, wait a minute. i think i found it. because i looked down. hanging out of the underwear is the strap. listen to me. [ laughter ] i don't know if you're forgetting the part of the story. for 20 minutes, i didn't know. i'm freaking out. what kind of old man numbball disease do i have? [ laughter ] and she's -- no, but listen. am i wrong to be weirded out by it? >> jimmy: yes, you should be troubled by this, yeah. definitely. [ laughter ] >> she is mad at me. i'll give you this. i'll give you this, guys. i'll bet there is -- you could take your pants off at night. i bet there is things you could find in your underwear and be able to shrug it off. like oh, a nickel. hey, i had a nickel. [ laughter ] okay, that. or a cheerio.

how did a cheerio get in my thing? but a flashlight. a flashlight. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not far from a rake, really. >> here is the thing. what if i gave up? what if i got dressed for the day. i remember that day. i was flying to new york. that would have been a fun airport security experience. [ laughter ] right? that would have been the guy on his laptop, "excuse me, sir, you got a weapon in your underwear?" i would have been, "what, a weapon? i don't know, i don't know." [ laughter and applause ] i'm not making this up. i know you got to come across with some comedy. i swear to you -- >> jimmy: i believe you. >> -- this is the truth. and it scared the hell out of me. here's what scares me the most. >> jimmy: go ahead. [ laughter ] >> here is the worst thing about it. because now it's just another place i have to look.

[ laughter ] you know? like if you can't find your keys one day. what? oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you -- i do want to talk about your movie. >> go ahead. thank you. >> jimmy: my wife and i watched it last night, and we absolutely loved it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it is an excellent movie. you wrote it. you directed it. you're starring in it. did you do anything else? produced it, i guess? whatever needed to be done, you did it. you shot it in your hometown in queens. >> queens. >> jimmy: what is that like to now go back to your neighborhood with the big film crew? >> it's fun, but it was a little scary because i have a lot of friends and a lot of relatives there. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yes. i was nervous as hell because i'm directing my first movie. and i know they all wanted to swarm the set. but, listen, there was nothing good about covid except for this. [ laughter ] they weren't allowed. they weren't allowed.

my relatives weren't allowed. the only way i got around it, because my wife wanted to be my manager. is to put them in it. i had to put them in it. then they were allowed to be on the set. in the background of every scene, oh, that's my cousin, that's this guy, but it was fun, man. it was scary but fun. >> jimmy: oh, it came out so good. we're going see a clip from it when we come back. ray romano is here. the movie is called "somewhere in queens." [ cheers and applause ] you can see it on hulu. we'll be right back. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live!" are brought to you by myfitnesspal. the number one global nutrition and food-tracking app.

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come on. come on. sit down. i don't want cake. give that to him. that's got the cherry stuff in the middle. >> leo. >> come on. that's your favorite right there. come on. you love that. >> what? >> you go to a girl's house? >> no. i just said -- no. i told you that. >> i know what you told us. i also know when you're covering up with something you half-assed. >> why are you saying all this? you can't see he is upset? >> yeah, i can see. >> let him eat cake. that's all we're trying here. sit down and we can all calm down, right? and talk about all the good stuff that is happening to him right now. basketball, philadelphia, the cows. >> what? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is ray romano in "somewhere in queens." it's on hulu now. [ cheering ]

>> jimmy: not only did we thoroughly enjoy the whole movie, i stayed through the credits because i wanted to see which members of your family were in it. all three of your sons. your daughter is a producer on the movie. >> my daughter, my poor daughter. she produced with me. we lived in an apartment for the whole time. >> jimmy: the two of you? >> yes. i have the apartment so she stayed. this is a young woman who -- she is living with an old man walking around with a flashlight [ laughter ] in his underwear, you know? she was great. >> jimmy: and sebastian maniscalco. >> sebastian is in it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: plays your brother. which is a i think kind of a great compliment. >> it's a cool night because i do a guest spot on his show. i did a guest spot. >> jimmy: the very first scene of his show. that's pretty fantastic, actually. >> i know. >> jimmy: should we bring him out here? >> you know, there is nothing here, but yes, yes, bring him out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think we could fix that, actually, we could probably do something. >> can you have three italians?

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good to see you. >> what should we do? [ cheering and applause ] >> can we sit? i don't want to sit. >> jimmy: why don't we stand? >> no. to have this many italians on the show and not have proper seating, it's a sin. [ laughter ] so if we can bring out some italian seating, that would be fantastic. bring this out. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, all right. here we go. yeah. would you mind taking that away? thank you so much. >> takes me home to grand am's house, you know? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: perfect. i mean, this is exactly what we need. [ laughter ]

>> yeah! now that's italian! >> jimmy: did either of you grow up in a house where you had one of those rooms? >> i did. >> i had this at my grandmother's house. >> me too. you grew up in chicago? >> grew up in chicago. our family didn't have any plastic. we lived upstairs. but my grandmother, this was like -- and i'm wondering, i don't know if -- by the way, i like the setup here. i like having people out here. it's nice. it's nice. >> jimmy: like the old days. >> yeah. >> we don't want to talk to you all night. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got that also. i didn't want to mention it. >> is it sold with the plastic on it, or is it an upgrade, do we know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is added, i believe. and i think they look at your license, and if your name ends in a vowel, they just go ahead and add $39. [ laughter and applause ] >> well, i tell you one thing about the plastic, because i did

grow up with this. it's okay. but when your parents aren't home and you're 13, it doesn't feel good naked. [ laughter ] >> no, no. >> that's all i'm going say. >> jimmy: how did you guys meet? >> we met on the press tour of "irishmen." we were both in "irishmen." we didn't have any scenes together. that's how i met ray. >> jimmy: you travel around and did the interviews and stay in the same hotel and eat together and all that stuff? with all the guys? was de niro with you? >> they were in a different hotel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, they were, yeah. >> we just hung out together. there was no de niro, pacino, pesci. we just found each other and kind of had our own little group. >> yeah, yeah. we hung out. and the other guy who is in the movie, my friend petey. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, he is great. he used to be on your show all the time. you guys, now how did it come to pass that ray asked you to be his brother in the film? >> so we went golfing together.

and he asked me on the golf course, hey, i'm doing this movie, would you like to play my brother? and here i am. i grew up watching this guy on the show. and now he is asking me to play his brother in a movie. and i'm like, are you kidding me? i go home, you tell everybody, hey, ray romano! [ laughter and applause ] so it was great. >> well, we gambled. i said, if i beat you in this round, will you please do the movie? [ laughter ] it was great. i've been a fan of his. >> jimmy: the actors are great in the movie. there is a scene in the movie where -- this doesn't really spoil anything, but the kid who plays your son, he brings his girlfriend to dinner and the family is kind of evaluating her. and she does really the smartest thing you can do in an italian family is ask for more meatballs, but the grandma has not made enough meatballs. and what happens? >> yeah, she does the wrong

thing at an italian house is to ask for more. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> i hate to take up time. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> this is a bit that's 30 years old. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> i used to do it in my act. i used to brief people when they came over. "if you want more, here's what you have to do. if you want a lot more, you tell her you want a little more. if you want a little more, you tell her you want no more. and if you want no more, you have to shoot her." [ laughter ] [ applause ] and that's kind of the gist of that scene. the gist of that scene is she's got to get more meatballs. >> jimmy: i love having you guys out here together. ray, will you stay for sebastian? >> let's switch it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll switch when we come back. ray romano, sebastian maniscalco, see them both in "somewhere in queens" on hulu now. we'll be right back with the same two guys.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we're back with ray romano and sebastian maniscalco. sebastian, i feel like i should give you a real introduction.

would you mind? >> i'd love one. >> jimmy: circling back? you go back there, i'll do it. ladies and gentlemen, our cavalcade of beloved italian americans continues with a hugely successful comedian. new episodes of his new show "bookie" premieres thursdays on max. please welcome sebastian maniscalco! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so do you guys know each other -- oh, wait, we did that already. [ laughter ] how are you? how old your kids now? >> i got a 6-year-old daughter, a 4-year-old son. >> jimmy: kind of in the same boat. and where are you on like elf on the shelf, santa letters, all that kind of stuff right now? >> so i'm putting my daughter to sleep the other night. she said, "daddy, i think you eat the cookies, you drink the milk, you hide the eggs." and i wasn't ready for this. she is 6. i was thinking 9, 10. i walked out of the room crying. [ laughter ] and i told my wife.

i go, "she don't believe in santa? what's going on in school? are the kids --" you know? so my wife got in a text with all the mothers, and some of the mothers are like, "we can't lie to our kids about santa." and i'm like, lie? that's all i do. [ laughter ] i mean, you know, so -- yeah. i'm thinking of hiring a santa. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a good idea. >> to get in on christmas eve and wake up my kids and go, "santa's here," and they get a glimpse of him. because i'm not ready to let the magic go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, i like that idea. i think that's -- i tell you, one time, i had a friend, his wife, his mother was having visions from jesus, and she went to a hotel and started ordering dinner for jesus every night. we had one of the writers on the show call her and pretend to be jesus and tell her to stop doing it. [ laughter ] and it worked, by god. it worked. so i think that's not a terrible idea. what are you going to do?

do you have a party? do you have people over? what's your plan for christmas? >> we love to throw parties at our house. we had a big christmas party last year. but the problem is no one ever invites us over to their house. >> jimmy: is that true? >> yeah. we get no invitations. wait, one for you. [ laughter ] so i look at the party. we haven't been to anybody's house here. so i put a kibosh on the party this year. i want to see if we get any invitations. and up to this point, nothing. >> jimmy: nothing? [ laughter ] >> yeah, but -- >> jimmy: go ahead. >> would you go to everything you're invited to? no, right? >> if you had a party. >> now be careful. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ray doesn't have parties. you don't have parties, do you? >> i think he invited me over to see the movie, and i couldn't go. >> right. >> i was out of town. is that what you're referring to? >> no, no, no, no. i'm saying -- no, no. [ laughter ]

i'm saying be careful because i'm going give you an invite. >> i'm coming. >> all right. you heard it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are these people who are -- these people you've had to your house who have not extended an invitation, can you name any of them? are there any famous people we can go through? >> listen, i don't hang out with a lot of hollywood types. >> some, though. >> i know you do, okay? however, and i'm not bragging here -- but lionel ritchie came to my party. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: okay, that's big. right. but the way he did it was beautiful. he came in, gave me a nice bottle of champagne. he stayed for 26 minutes. [ laughter ] said "hello" and left. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can i ask you, do you have a piano in your home? >> i do. but it's not lionel richie's piano. >> jimmy: i think when lionel

richie goes to a house and sees a piano, he goes," i am getting out of here before somebody forces me to play that piano for them." >> if i played the piano, i'd be playing it wherever i went. >> jimmy: you're not lionel ritchie. [ laughter ] i know you like to cook. would you cook for these events? >> i gave up cooking, about six years. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. for holidays. for the holidays. >> jimmy: all right. >> i decided to make meat, steak, right, for about 12 of my family members. well, i started to serve the steak. i started getting complaints. "it needs to be medium rare." well, listen. when i cook steak, it's one temperature. this ain't a restaurant, right. [ laughter ] i'm not cooking to order. so my wife was like, "i want it well." i said, "come outside." we got in an argument. i had a santa hat on. [ laughter ] i got so mad i took the santa

hat off and chucked it over the hedge. "you do it!" [ laughter ] and that's the last time we did any type of cooking. >> jimmy: wow, never again. i'm so sorry to hear that. you got this new show. it's very funny. and it really hits close to home, because i have a lot of this kind of bookie activity going on. in my family. i won't mention who, but my cousin sal. [ laughter ] and this guy is a bookie who is struggling, fair to say? >> and navigating the world of kind of legalized gambling. >> jimmy: yes. it's tough to be a bookie nowadays. >> it takes him into a lot of different worlds in los angeles. i'm collecting money from a trust fund kid. i'm a housewife and what have you. so it's kind of fun to go into these different environments. >> jimmy: the first guy we see is ray. >> ray opens it up. he is phenomenal. he was great. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i got confused when i

was watching because i was watching both. wait a minute, i got the wrong one on. i got ray's movie on. i didn't know you were in each other's thing until today. >> he was great. you hear his voice and it's like, oh, god, it's ray romano. >> it's hit-and-run. i'm only on for a minute. >> jimmy: you don't have to distance yourself from sebastian. [ laughter ] >> no, no that's why the show is great. that's why the show is great. >> jimmy: charlie sheen is on the show. >> charlie sheen is in it. it's a chuck lorre project. they're coming together. >> jimmy: that makes it less likely that charlie sheen would be in the show, yet there he is in the show with you. >> it was great. never worked with him before. he was so gracious, such a nice guy. really seasoned actor. >> jimmy: he is a guy if you invite him over, he is not leaving early. he is not going to leave after 26 minutes. [ laughter ] he is going to be there for the night, he's going to be in that piano. >> it's a good balance, lionel and charlie. >> jimmy: and then you have a new stand-up tour that you're preparing? >> it's called "it ain't right." tickets are on sale right now.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can you give us a little it ain't right? >> it ain't right that ray -- >> uh-oh. >> -- is reading with a flashlight in his bed. [ laughter ] i'm listening to this. i go, shouldn't he maybe mount something? on the thing? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how does it work? you're like a cop looking through a house at an intruder. >> you lean back and you rest it on your chest like that. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what to get him for christmas at least. >> maybe we'll get him maybe a kindle? i don't know. [ laughter ] still reading books at night. >> jimmy: have you guys ever thought about going on a tour together? >> after tonight, we're going to do something. >> jimmy: yeah, you can have the couch. [ cheers and applause ] >> he don't need me. he don't need me. this guy sells out the garden. he don't need me. >> jimmy: "the classic seat

cover tour." i can see it now. >> i love it. >> jimmy: well, it's great to have you guys here. you're both great in each other's things. new episodes of "bookie" thursdays on max. and tickets for the "it ain't right" comedy tour on sebastianlive.com. sebastian maniscalco, ray romano, thank you for being here, guys. [ cheering and applause ] >> jimmy: merry christmas, ray. we'll be back with paul russell.

>> jimmy: thanks to ray romano and sebastian maniscalo. apologies to matt damon. first, with the song "lil boo thang," paul russell! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ let's get it y'all hey you my lil boo thang so i don't give a hoot what your dude ♪ ♪ say girl i know you a lil too tame i'll be shootin' that shot like 2k girl ♪ ♪ i know tell 'em i'm tell 'em i'm next tell 'em you found ♪ ♪ a lil somethin' too fresh i know tell 'em i'm tell 'em i'm next ♪ ♪ tell 'em you found a lil somethin' too fresh i know put a lil gold ♪ ♪ in the teeth and the fit good so i took the doors off the jeep okay ♪ ♪ i see a brother holdin' your seat no beef but i'm tryna get to know you at least ♪ ♪ don't take my talkin' to you wrong i can keep it chill like a sauvignon blanc ♪ ♪ i'ma keep it real when your

man long gone if you're lookin' for a friend then you got ♪ ♪ the wrong song baby girl what's good what's with ya if you booked tonight ♪ ♪ that's fiction i'm outside no pictures you want me? go figure to the back to the front ♪ ♪ you a ten baby girl but i'm the one to the back to the front you a ten baby girl ♪ ♪ but i'm the one you my lil boo thang so i don't give a hoot what your dude ♪ ♪ say girl i know ♪ ♪ you a lil too tame i'll be shootin' that shot like 2k ♪ ♪ girl i know tell 'em i'm tell 'em i'm next tell 'em you found ♪ ♪ a lil somethin' too fresh i know tell 'em i'm tell 'em i'm next ♪ ♪ tell 'em you found a lil somethin' too fresh i know girl you got me ♪ ♪ hey sing it with me ohooh ohooh you got the best ♪ ♪ of my love ohooh ohooh you got the best of my my ♪ ♪ ohooh ohooh you got the best of my love ohooh ohooh ♪

♪ and in that dress i'm like you my lil boo thang so i don't give a hoot what your dude ♪ ♪ say girl i know you a lil too tame i'll be shootin' that shot like 2k girl i know ♪ ♪ tell 'em i'm tell 'em i'm next tell 'em you found a lil somethin' too fresh ♪ ♪ i know tell 'em i'm tell 'em i'm next tell 'em you found ♪ ♪ a lil somethin' too fresh i know ♪ [ cheering and applause ] wrong with gypsy rose blanchard, just out of prison for plotting her mother's murder. after years of abuse at her mother's hands, i the murder of her mother after abuse at her mother's hand. >> i didn't want her killed, i didn't want her dead. i just wanted out of my situation. >> byron: the girl everyone thought was sick but wasn't. >> my mother told me and told the doctors that i had everything from leukemia to