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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  January 30, 2024 11:35pm-12:38am PST

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great. but where do i---? order. weathertech.com. sfx: bubblewrap bubble popped sound. i talked to kristen hagen who was enjoying the snow with her dog. >> this snow is no joke. and it's really -- it takes a lot of getting used to, but i'm here for it. >> and if you're thinking about driving today, be prepared and stay cautious, because it's coming down pretty heavy. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!
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tonight -- elisabeth moss -- zach woods -- and music from jacob collier. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. thank you. hi, everybody. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. we were off last night. oh, that's very kind. oh, i want to ask, before we go any further, how was your birthday? >> guillermo: it was great, fantastic. >> jimmy: you liked it, you had fun? >> guillermo: i did. >> jimmy: did your wife allow you to lay beside her in your marital bed? >> guillermo: no, she was sick. >> jimmy: did she get a doctor's
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note? >> guillermo: she did? she presented it to you? >> guillermo: she did. >> jimmy: you had to work this weekend? >> guillermo: puerto rico, yeah. >> jimmy: was it hard? >> guillermo: it was good. >> jimmy: somebody texted me a video. this is guillermo in puerto rico. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: when you're guillermo, that's what a work trip looks like. [ laughter ] what was going on? which half was that? the hard half or the easy half? >> guillermo: the easy half, having fun, yeah. i love puerto rico, it's nice. >> jimmy: yeah. did you share that individual you with your wife? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: you did not? >> guillermo: i deleted it right away. >> jimmy: you opted not to. she won't see the show? >> guillermo: no, i'm going to go home and delete the show too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. well, happy dry january, everyone. it's almost over, guillermo.
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and the happy birthday. >> guillermo: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: your next work trip is to las vegas for the super bowl, right? >> guillermo: i'm excited, jimmy, yes. >> jimmy: we're going together to that one. >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy, we're going to have a lot of fun. >> jimmy: the super bowl is two weekends away. tickets, as we seem to say every year, are the most expensive ever. the average price for a ticket to see the chiefs play the niners right now is a little over $12,000. but here's the thing. it's not just a football game. it's also a live game of "where's waldo?" starring taylor swift. [ laughter ] if you can spot her. have you been following? i don't know if you've seen this. there's some serious crazy talk about taylor swift and joe biden going around right now. this is one of those things you'd expect to hear from a couple of nuts then it disappears. but if anything, it's picking up steam. the not-too-swifties got it started like this. tweets like this. "the nfl is totally rigged for the kansas city chiefs, taylor swift, mr. pfizer, all to spread democrat propaganda. calling it now -- kc wins, goes to super bowl, swift comes out at the halftime
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show and "endorses" joe biden with kelce at midfield. it's all been an op since day one." [ laughter ] they learned the word "op" and they're using it a lot. "i have never been more convinced that the super bowl is rigged. with all the unneeded and unwanted taylor coverage at the games. totally scripted. next, travis and taylor together at the super bowl, appearing happy and in love. they announce their support for joe biden. coincidental? no. bought and paid for. another one. "my prediction -- the super bowl will be rigged just like our elections. it will be kansas city and the 49ers. kansas city will illegally win." even this clown who ran for president, vivek ramaswamy, added his voice to the chorus of cuckoos. "and i wonder if there's a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially culturally propped-up couple this fall. just some wild speculation over here, let's see how it ages over the next --" so let me get this straight. the same people who believe joe biden has dementia and needs kamala harris to feed him
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butterscotch tapioca every night -- [ laughter ] also believe that he has somehow planned and executed a diabolically brilliant scheme to fix the nfl playoffs so that the biggest popstar in the world can pop up on the jumbotron during the super bowl in between a kia and a tostitos commercial -- [ laughter ] to hypnotize her 11-year-old fans into voting for jibe. [ cheers and applause ] makes sense. it makes total sense. these people. these people they think football is fake and wrestling is real. [ laughter ] and it's not just on twitter. this nonsense is now everywhere your angry grandpa goes. >> i think if she's smart, she will stay out of politics altogether. i don't know what the incentive is for her to do this. >> don't get involved. don't get involved in politics. we don't want to see you there. >> taylor swift has made a career off of writing songs about picking the wrong man. so i don't think we should take advice from her now. >> some people think this is a
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massive psy-op. >> we're supposed to pretend we don't see the psy-op? >> could she get the black vote too or are you going to get beyonce? how much are we going to divide the public? >> this is a little what idol tree looks like, and you're not supposed to do that. in fact, if you look it up in the bible, it's a sin! >> the devil surely owns her soul. >> i've seen her songs on stage, i've seen the chants, i've seen the dances. and it reminds me a lot of witchcraft. and that makes sense when it comes to someone so popular. could it be a spell? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know. maybe we should run spell check and find out. [ applause ] could it be a spell? it's incredible. these people who worship a golden pig are warning us about idol tree and spells. [ laughter ] meanwhile, the tanchurian candidate is completely off the rails. if you're wondering whether or not the economy is strong, all you need to know is that trump is trying to take credit for it. he wrote "this is the trump stock market because my polls against biden are so good that
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investors are projecting that i will win, and that will drive the market up. everything else is terrible. watch the middle east! [ laughter ] that's right. chaos in the middle east? biden's fault. r booming economy? all donald trump. three years after he left office. it's incredible. i'm starting to feel like he might be making a lot of this stuff up. [ cheers and applause ] nelson tandela is also very proud of the fact that he is up for a nobel prize. he was nominated by congresswoman claudia tenney of new york for his "efforts to broker peace in the middle east." yeah, he really crushed that one. [ laughter ] it's so peaceful over there. turns out, it's not really an honor to be nominated for a nobel prize. the rules say anybody can be nominated as long as the person nominating them is a member of a government or even just a college professor can write a letter and you're a nominee. the nobel website says -- "to simply be nominated is therefore not an endorsement or extended honor to imply affiliation with the nobel peace prize or its related institutions."
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being nominated -- it's basically a high-end "world's greatest dad" coffee mug. [ laughter ] but to his credit, no one wants to "restore on this planet peace through earth" more than donald trump. >> we will restore on this planet peace to earth. i am the only candidate who can make this promise to you. i will prevent world war iii. and we're very close to world war iii. >> jimmy: see, we are so close to world war iii, he can almost grope it under its pageant gown. [ laughter and applause ] >> there's a 100% chance that there will be a major terrorist attack in the united states. >> jimmy: he's like a magic hate ball. all you have to do is shake him up and something comes out. [ laughter ] can you imagine joe biden ever saying something like that? that there's a 100% -- no, you can't. and you know why? because he's not crazy. but he is nervous. he's not crazy. biden's superpac is said to be planning to spend $250 million on ads in the three months leading up to the election.
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more than has been spent either. and they're getting creative. have you seen these "dark brandon" laser eye ads? >> maybe you should buy this one. i'll ask you nicely. but you won't. [ creepy music ] >> jimmy: that lady who thinks taylor swift is a witch just had a brain aneurysm. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's like he's doing this to drive her over the edge. i guess to push back against the concern that biden is too old, his campaign team is trying to go the other way. maybe too far the other way. they've been posting on instagam, snapchat, the various new media platforms young people use, and they're also also experimenting with ai. there's been a lot of talk lately about how ai might be used to fool voters with deepfake technology. i don't know, it's sometimes hard now to tell what's real and what isn't. but this might be how they plan to fight fire with fire.
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>> hey, folks, it's me. joseph r. biden. the "r" stands for "ripped." i'm strong as a silver-backed gorilla. i've got the muscle in my trouser wowser. wait till dr. jill gets ahold of this. here's the deal. i've just got to look at my poll numbers. it seems that half of you still prefer old connie elastic pants. you've got to be kidding me, man. cut the malarkey, america, and get with the joe-gram. i'm fighting back. we've got a country to save. yee-haw! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: finally, a president with a kung-fu grip. the other big campaign news is about me. as you may know, i am the honorary mayor of a beautiful little town in canada called "dildo." [ laughter ] last week i mentioned on the
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show that there has been a challenge to my mayorship. already up there, it's one of the biggest stories of the year. >> dildo's unofficial and honorary mayor is at it again. this time the late-night host is hitting back after someone on social media challenged jimmy kimmel for the position. but he's not going down without a fight. last night, the crew at "jimmy kimmel live" put together a campaign video. sounds like jimmy's connection to dildo still runs deep. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, not too deep. [ laughter ] medium. like at a reasonable depth. [ laughter ] going out to eat might about to become more expensive or less, depending upon when you do it. a number of businesses are using what they call "dynamic pricing" to charge more when demand is high. like uber does. they've done this at golf courses, bowling alleys and even some restaurants are charging more for like a 7:30 spot. can i interest you in a
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variable-rate quesadilla? [ laughter ] it's an interesting concept and to show you how it might work, we put together a dramatic presentation and here now, we are pleased to bring you "food for thought." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, hello there, how are you tonight? >> well. >> jimmy: i see you have your drinks, are you ready to order? >> yes, i'll have the chicken piccata. >> jimmy: excellent choice that will be. let's see. $24.95. >> says here it's $15.95. >> jimmy: well, it's peak dining hour. >> when is off-peak dining hour? >> jimmy: midnight to 6:00 a.m. [ laughter ] >> you're open that late? >> jimmy: no, we are not. [ laughter ] what can i get for you? >> i will also have the chicken picatta. >> jimmy: yours will be $39.95. >> but -- whenever you asked him, you said it was $24.95. >> jimmy: i know, it's so
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popular right now. [ laughter ] >> okay, forget that then. how much is the ravioli? >> jimmy: $17.95. >> i will have the ravioli. >> jimmy: okay. >> that sounds good. i'll change my order to the ravioli as well. >> jimmy: yours will be $23.95. >> i thought you said $17.95. >> for her it's $17.95. for you it's $23.95. unless you don't want that first ravioli, in which case the price goes down slightly for him. [ laughter ] maybe you would like the dinner pool instead? >> what's a begdinner pool? >> jimmy: when we put all the food in a bucket, and you share it with another table. [ laughter ] >> no, thanks. i think i will just go back to the chicken piccata. >> jimmy: okay, and you? >> now i don't know. what's the least-popular item on the menu? >> jimmy: that would be the salmonella. [ laughter ] >> the salmonella? >> jimmy: uh-huh.
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it's pronounced sam man ella. it's named -- the chef's mother's name was ella, she died the food poisoning. [ laughter ] it's $19.95, in honor of the year she passed away. >> okay, i'll take that. >> guillermo: fresh-ground pepper? you want me to keep going? it is $2. >> we don't have plates. >> jimmy: plates are $3. >> maybe we should leave. >> jimmy: you could to that, but there's a chance sell lation fee of $250, i've already charged that to your card. >> we haven't even canceled yet. >> let's go. >> jimmy: thanks for coming. don't forget to give us five stars. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. thank you, everybody. we've got a good show for you tonight. zach woods is here. we have music from jacob collier. [ cheers and applause ] we have ground pepper. we'll be back with elisabeth
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moss, so stick around!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: so happy. we're back. tonight, a gentleman you know from the shows "the office" and
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"silicon valley." his new stop-motion animation show is called "in the know." zach woods is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later this guy has five grammy awards and he's up for another one. this year his album "djesse volume 4" comes out february 29th. music from jacob collier tonight. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night. samuel l. jackson and jake l. tapper will join us with music from train and reo speedwagon. [ cheers and applause ] so please join us for that. our first guest is an emmy-winner who spent five bonneted seasons on "the handmaid's tale" and her new limited-series is called "the veil."
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "the veil" premieres please welcome elisabeth moss. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hi! >> jimmy: so i feel like i should ask, are you pregnant or just incredibly -- an incredibly committed method actor? >> a little bit of both. >> jimmy: a little bit of both. congratulations. >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: your first? >> yes, my first. >> jimmy: wow. how are you feeling? >> not bad, actually. i've been really lucky. it's been going really well. >> jimmy: good, yeah. >> you have four? >> jimmy: i have four, yeah. >> i was going to ask you. >> jimmy: then guillermo, so
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really it's five for me. >> your favorite, obviously. >> jimmy: i don't like to play -- i love them all equally, but none dance cuter than that one, that's for sure. >> look at that. >> jimmy: everything as good? are people driving you crazy, asking you questions? >> no, i wanted to ask you if you have any advice. >> jimmy: oh. >> things to buy, to bring to the delivery room? >> jimmy: buy everything. all the stuff. you'll get a lot of stuff. everybody who knows you will send you a thing. >> yeah, good. >> jimmy: then you'll have a lot of them. actually, i tell you, my wife got great advice from bill murray. >> really? >> jimmy: when she was pregnant. >> i love that. >> jimmy: he said, "leave him immediately." [ laughter ] no he said -- >> and she didn't listen. >> jimmy: "run." he said, bring christmas lights. >> oh, i like that. >> jimmy: to hang, or beads of some kind. >> i like that. >> jimmy: a night light. >> okay. >> jimmy: he said, bring music which everybody tells you. >> okay. >> jimmy: you want to bring some music. he said, bring candles, which we did bring candles, "you can't
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light candles in here, there's oxygen in in room." bring in battery-operated candles. >> so romantic at the hospital. lights and s s and candles. >> jimmy: the lighting is terrible in this room. it's walmart-style lighting for this blessed event that's going to happen, and you don't want that, right? >> i think that's a really good list, i like that. >> jimmy: where are you on "the handmaid's tale"? >> we're going back to shoot this summer. [ cheers and applause ] our final season. >> jimmy: the last season was, what, 1982 or something, wasn't it? how long ago was it? >> yes, it was 37 years ago. it was last year -- no, 2021? oh, god, i don't even remember. >> jimmy: a long tame ago? >> when was that? >> jimmy: do you hear that from people a lot? >> yes, people are starting to get upset. >> jimmy: are they really? >> yes. >> jimmy: they share that with you? >> especially when i tell them we haven't started shooting yet. "when is it coming back?
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"well --" it isn't until 2025. >> jimmy: have you started blaming that on child? >> i can't wait to start doing that. >> jimmy: you can do it now, you don't have to wait. >> can i? it's the best. >> jimmy: you can get out of anything you do not want to go to. >> i love that. >> jimmy: no one will question it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> it will be great. >> jimmy: then once you have the baby, you actually won't be able to go to the things you want to go to. [ laughter ] so you might as well get something out of it. >> it will be legitimate. >> jimmy: these people, when they -- this show -- people are very, very, very invested in the show. >> yes, they are. >> jimmy: they give you feedback of that type? >> yes. their favorite thing to do is to say lines from the show. and usually yelled at you from the street. >> jimmy: great, like -- >> from a passing car. "praise be." >> jimmy: uh-huh, nice. that's not too bad. >> that's a winner. "blessed be the fruit." "so somebody -- you'll be on
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the street, somebody, "blessed be the fruit!" >> yes, exactly like that, "blessed be the fruit." i don't know what to say back. i'm always like, "you too." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are they going to be even madder now that you have another show that you shot when you should have been finishing the previous show? >> totally cheated on "the handmaid's tale." >> jimmy: you play a spy in "the veil"? >> yes, i play a british spy, an intelligence agent. >> jimmy: that actor you beat up in the clip, is that somebody you got to know? >> he's a stuntman. >> jimmy: a stuntman, yes. >> not a random guy. >> jimmy: i figured that, i didn't think he was one of the guys yelling about fruit as he drives by. [ laughter ] you're sitting there, one minute you're maybe having lunch with the person, and the next minute you're punching them in the face. >> yeah, well it's kind of my job. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but yeah, i have to -- we trained a long time for that fight. he was a great stuntman. we trained for weeks and weeks and weeks. >> jimmy: weeks and weeks and
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weeks? >> yeah. apparently it may not actually have been enough. the first take -- that's the second time, what you saw, that we shot the whole scene. the first take, i went and did the wrong thing. it wasn't anyone's fault. i went up against a wall like this. and actually broke my back. >> jimmy: you broke your back? >> yes. >> jimmy: for real? >> yes, i fractured a vertebra. i know. >> jimmy: then did the scene again? >> yes, six weeks later. we were shooting in the grand bazaar in istanbul, which is incredible, but old. we were six flights up. there's no elevator. >> reporter: why did you lay on the roof for two hours? >> i couldn't move. >> jimmy: they couldn't send a chopper come get you, take you to the hospital? >> no, i had to wait until i could stand up, then i went down these six flights of winding stairs. i went to the hospital. found out it was fractured. anyways. shot the next day, because i had to. because i will do -- i will -- it takes a lot for me to stop shooting. when i was playing on the roof,
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"can't you shoot around me? put a blanket over me with something this" this will be great when your kid doesn't want to go to school. 80 worked with a broken back! the next day i was back on that roof!" >> exactly. >> jimmy: did you then go to the hospital? >> went to the hospital. then we went back to paris, where we were shooting next. i saw a french doctor there, which was fan tas effect. >> jimmy: why was that fantastic? >> just exactly what you want a french doctor to be like. [ laughter ] he arrived, he came to my hotel, and i had my other executive producer there, denise. he came to my hotel. he had his motorcycle helmet in his arm. he was wearing a leather jacket. he smelled like cigarettes. [ laughter ] he was very handsome. you know, asked me to lay down on the couch. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. >> jimmy: are you sure he was a doctor? [ laughter ] >> i promise. i promise. >> jimmy: it wasn't like their version of fonzie stopped by? [ laughter ] >> i think he was a real doctor. >> jimmy: did he do anything to you? >> he sort of poked around, then
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decided it was fine for me to keep shooting. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: so he was one of those movie insurance doctors that doesn't actually care? [ laughter ] >> probably, probably. pyway, moving on. >> jimmy: i hope he's not delivering your baby. [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: you don't want a cigarette to be the first vision that you get. >> no, exactly. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. when we come back, elisabeth moss is with us. we'll be right back. her new show is "the veil." there are many ways to dress your mcdonald's hot, crispy fries.
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to protect the rule of law, or to build affordable housing, or write california's patients bill of rights. but i know adam through the big brother program. we've been brothers since i was seven. he stood by my side as i graduated from yale, and i stood by his side when he married eve, the love of his life. i'm a little biased, but take it from adam's little brother. he'll make us all proud as california senator. i'm adam schiff and i approve this message.
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>> jimmy: we are back with elisabeth moss. her show "the veil" premieres on hulu in april. you started acting when you were very young, correct? >> yeah, about stick. >> jimmy: 6 years old. >> yep. >> jimmy: what was your first big job? >> i did a tv movie of the week with sandra bullock. >> jimmy: wow. >> she played my mom. i never met her, i don't think, because my big scene was finding her dead in the pool. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: whoa. >> yeah. >> jimmy: have you met since? >> i have, but i've never mentioned this. >> jimmy: you haven't? >> no, i'm too shy. i love sandra. >> jimmy: well, yeah, she is your mother. [ laughter ] may she rest in peace. so that's -- well, okay. so that gets me on kind of the subject that i want to get on. >> okay. >> jimmy: because you play typically, not always, but typically, you'll play dark roles. >> yes. >> jimmy: in fact, some might even describe them as stabby roles. >> stabby. >> jimmy: you stabbed a guy with
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a kitchen knife. you stabbed a man with a beer bottle in "the handmaid's tale." you stabbed a man with a pen. you did the same thing on "invisible man." you stabbed yourself in the face with scissors in "us." >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: shot your ex-husband. you've lit yourself on fire. you have -- you feel like that's what -- like when these directors think, who should i get? to stab? >> they're like, "i know, that moss girl." >> jimmy: the moss -- yes, "bring her in." >> "she'll stab someone for us." >> jimmy: i mean, that is -- you've told me that what you would really like to do, your favorite thing are romantic comedies? >> sandra bullock, now she's a big dramatic actress but has some of the classic rom-coms. that's my genre. that's the genre i love, that's what i would love to do, and no one's calling. >> jimmy: who would be your ideal rom-com partner, your counterpart? >> besides sandra bullock?
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>> jimmy: yeah. >> andrew scott. >> jimmy: andrew scott. [ cheers and applause ] why andrew scott? >> i adore him. >> jimmy: oh. >> i think he's so talented, such an amazing actor, also very handsome. >> jimmy: this is going to be perfect, then. this is going to be great. what we have done is isolated -- you're not seeing these, i know. we've isolated some classic lines from classic romantic comedies. >> okay. >> jimmy: you know, i think this is a great opportunity to show that you can do more than just creepy stuff, right? >> yeah, maybe someone will finally call. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay, all right. so this -- i'm not going to read -- this is a line i think everyone knows from "notting hill" starring julia roberts. i'm going to hand it to you. be "rommy" and "comc." >> i'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, i'm feeling like -- >> was that not. >> jimmy: i don't know where the music came from or why, but it seemed a little bit menacing. [ laughter ] >> really, at the end? >> jimmy: a little bit at the very end. >> i no is it was more of a button, no? >> jimmy: it was more like a -- like a sewing needle jabbed into the stomach area. [ laughter ] >> not funny? >> jimmy: no. this is one of billy crystal's lines. >> my favorite movie of all-time. >> jimmy: here you go. >> oh my god. okay. funny, right? romance. >> jimmy: yeah. light. >> light. i came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. [ creepy music ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: again -- >> now -- >> jimmy: i don't know why the piano, like the scary chord --
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yeah. keep your hands in the air. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we only have one more. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i'd really love for you to get this. this is from "sweet home alabama." >> classic. >> jimmy: reese witherspoon. >> okay. >> jimmy: here we go. >> you're the first boy i ever kissed, jake, and i want you to be the last. [ creeping music ] [ applause ] [ cheers ] >> come on. >> jimmy: yeah, i think that works, right? >> i'm going to get a call, right? >> jimmy: it's great to see you. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] i wish you the best of everything. "the veil" premieres in april on how lieu. elisabeth moss, everybody. be back with zach woods! takes you off course. put it in check with rinvoq, a once-daily pill. when i wanted to see results fast, rinvoq delivered rapid symptom relief and helped leave bathroom urgency behind.
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...katie porter's whiteboard is one way she's: [news anchor] ...often seen grilling top executives of banks, big pharma, even top administration officials. katie porter. never taken corporate pac money - never will. leading the fight to ban congressional stock trading. and the only democrat who opposed wasteful “earmarks” that fund politicians' pet projects. katie porter. focused on your challenges - from lowering housing costs to fighting climate change. shake up the senate - with democrat katie porter. i'm katie porter and i approve this message. ♪ (majestic music) ♪ (♪) it's that feeling when you're at disneyland resort. now, kids 3-9 can visit a disneyland resort theme park with a limited-time kids' special ticket offer. (♪) >> lou: this week on "jimmy kimmel live" --
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♪ how many times have i felt this good, ♪ ♪ let me count them for you ♪ ♪ one ♪ ♪ two, three, four, ♪ ♪ five, six, seven, eight, nine, ♪ ♪ ten, eleven, twelve, huh, ♪ ♪ how many times, ♪ ♪ ♪ how many times have i, ♪ ♪ ♪ how many times, ♪ ♪ ♪ how many times have i felt this, ♪ ♪ ♪ how many times have i felt this good ♪ ♪ sure, mcdonald's breakfast is good. ♪ but getting that mcdonald's breakfast two minutes before it stops being served... that tastes even better. ♪ (♪) some people just know that the best rate for you
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is a rate based on you, with allstate. because you know that just because it fits in the cupholder doesn't make it 'to-go'. and you know how to brake, without breaking everything. and you're definitely not doing -okay, i don't even know what this is, but you're definitely not doing that. with allstate you're connected to a rate based on you. (♪) new kinder chocolate. ♪ delicious little bars of smooth milk chocolate with a creamy, milky center. ♪ made for being a kid. let that kid flag fly. i'm peter dixon and in kenya... we built a hospital that provides maternal care. as a marine... we fought against the taliban and their crimes against women. and in hillary clinton's state department...
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we took on gender-based violence in the congo. now extremists are banning abortion and contraception right here at home. so, i'm running for congress to help stop them. for your family... and mine. i approved this message because this is who we are. >> jimmy: hi, there. music from jacob collier is on the way. our next guest is the co-creator and star of a new stop-motion parody of national public radio. it's called "in the know." >> my favorite sport is "the great britain bake-off" because it's so important to show ugly people on television.
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what do you think people enjoy about watching boxing? >> the science. some people are into the science. the technique. some people are truly into the brutality of it. >> hm. did you ever think in the middle of a bout, i wish i could just look my opponent in the eye and say, "i am enough"? >> i do that when i smash his face. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "in the know" is streaming on peacock now. please welcome zach woods. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you, zach? anything you want to announce? are you with child? >> i have a big announcement, actually, no joke. >> jimmy: okay, great. >> i don't think anyone knows this. i'm the first to break this news. elisabeth moss is pregnant. >> jimmy: what? [ drumroll, rim shot ] >> wouldn't it be funny if you
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did the reveal and she didn't want anyone to know? >> i scooped her. >> jimmy: you created the show with mike judge, one of the great comedy brains of after-time, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: beavis and butthead, king of the hill, silicon valley, which you were on, fantastic show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you go to him and say, i have an idea for a show goofing lightly on npr, or vice versa? >> i think i'm a genuinely curious person, so i ask people a lot of questions. he noticed that i tacitly interview people. he also noticed that i was what you could describe as a npr freak. he said, let's monetize that and play a show where you're essentially yourself. i said, okay, sounds good. and a delicate puppet that breaks easily that is being moved by forces beyond his awareness is the character for
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me. >> jimmy: i love stop-motion animation. rankin bass, the old rudolph the red nosed reindeer, those things. it seems very, first of all, time-consuming, expensive, and old-fashioned. >> it is. it's all those things. i think -- the thing that's really beautiful about it is that each character, and i didn't know before i did it, each character is played by 30 different animators. each person puts a little piece of their soul in each of the characters. >> jimmy: 30 for each character? that seems like too many for each character. [ laughter ] >> yeah. eventually i started cutting their benefits and things. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sure, yeah. >> financially untenable. no braces for your kids this year. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you go to the -- where do they make -- >> in portland. there's this amazing company called shadow machine. and i was going to portland. and i had a terrible experience, because we have an episode where they get a lactation station put in the office despite the fact that no one is breast feeding.
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just as a kind of gesture of inclusivity. [ laughter ] and i was talking to the -- i was talking to the production designer, and i was trying to describe what i wanted from a lactation station. i was in l.a.x., there's a lactation station. i have played a lot of creepy characters in my life. off-putting individuals. so i start -- i take out my phone because i want to fake a picture of the lactation station to send to the production designer. i take a picture, as i'm taking the picture i hear someone go, "gabe?" there's a teenage boy and his father watching me take a picture of a lactation station by myself in the airport. oh, they think i'm as creepy as one of the characters i play. "no no, it's for a show!" yeah, it's going to be a show on the dark web. [ laughter ] then i said, "no, if i was a milk fetishist i'd hide go pros in there." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sure, well yeah, makes no sense. >> makes no sense. now i'm going to chloroform your
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dad and get out of here, yeah. >> jimmy: then you mix regular -- well, not regular people. mike tyson is certainly -- did mike have any idea what was going on? [ laughter ] because i'm guessing he didn't -- i'm sure he didn't see puppets. >> well, i don't know. in that particular episode, warren has been diagnosed with passive sperm. which is when the sperm can't penetrate the egg, it can only spoon the egg. [ laughter ] and he was very upset because donating to sperm banks, masturbating is his way of giving back. [ laughter ] so he can't do it anymore. so i had this very weird thing where i was talking to mike tyson about my passive sperm, and he's saying," maybe you should take supplements, it will make it more viscous." and i was thinking, this is what my immigrant ancestors came to america for. [ laughter ] so that one day, their great grandson could talk to the heavyweight champion of the world about the thickness of his sperm. [ laughter ]
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and -- yeah. so the american dream is real, people. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, sure is. who else is on the show? is it all boxers? >> no. we have jorge ken burns, the documentarian. roxanne guy, the the editorialist. a lot of interesting people. it was really fun. >> jimmy: is the character based on -- like is it based on ira glass? it kind of seems -- looks a little bit like. or is it an amalgamation? >> it's a frankenstein of the kind of npr unfortunates who i consider myself one of. it's like -- they all kind of have the same almond-shaped head and the shame -- it's like malcolm gladwell, terry gross, michael barbera, they all are kind of from the same factory of, you know, slightly melted people. again, i say that as a slightly melted person. and me, also me, it's also me, you know? >> jimmy: i get you.
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yeah. there is a certain -- [ laughter ] no, i understand that. there is a certain uniformity to when you shift that fm dial all the way over to the left. there's definitely a -- >> right. >> jimmy: it's like a supernatural calm. like, there would be nothing scarier than one of those guys suddenly losing his mind and screaming at you. [ laughter ] >> i think right behind that very placid exterior, there lurks a beast. [ laughter ] i bet if you catch malcolm gladwell at the right moment, he'll werewolf out on you big-time. i don't know if it's true or not, but that's my sense. you almost picture -- almost if a barnes & noble had sex with a scarf, then they would be born. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you directed a super bowl commercial, which is kind of exciting. >> that's true. >> jimmy: with the cast of "suits"? >> yes. >> jimmy: is that what i read? >> yeah, i've never -- i would say that -- directing -- it's for a cosmetics company called
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elf. directing a cosmetics commercial is as close to participating in football as i will ever come. they even asked, "we're trying to get tickets for the game." i was like, "don't want them." >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, because it's wasted on me. if they'd offered me vip passes to a folk art quilting expo, i would be like, that would be better. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: those aren't $12,000 apiece, though. i think, you know, you could have probably -- >> really? someone upcharged me big-time. but it's nice to direct. i had this thing recently, i like directing because -- again, i get cast in these parts -- i had this thing recently that happened where someone called me, and they said, "we want you --" it was a producer. 80 want you to play this part." i talked to the director, and she had independently decided that you should play this part. and i was like, "that's great, send it to me." and i opened the script. the part was named "client number 2." it was a man who wanted someone
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to requests trait him. but they wouldn't -- he couldn't get anybody to castrate him. then he tried to castrate himself, and it didn't work. and two people independently were like, "you're the man for that." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're the guy. >> you want to be castrated but you're not effective enough to castrate yourself. this is all to say, i like directing better. [ laughter ] i prefer directing, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i get to keep my masculinity intact. >> jimmy: i think step one for you, really turn your life around, you've got to get a bit of sun. [ laughter ] >> you think so? i've gotten sunburns from spray tans. >> jimmy: have you gotten spray tans? >> well, i trood to once. it was really a home -- it was a home kit. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i just looked like i had -- what do they call -- cafe au lait? i looked like a jewish dalmatian. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that could be your superhero. think about it. jewish dalmatian. >> right. [ laughter ] ? i can't wait to see the show. it's called "in the know."
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it's available now on pie cook. zach woods, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with jacob collier. to protect the rule of law, or to build affordable housing, or write california's patients bill of rights. but i know adam through the big brother program. we've been brothers since i was seven. he stood by my side as i graduated from yale, and i stood by his side when he married eve, the love of his life. i'm a little biased, but take it from adam's little brother. he'll make us all proud as california senator. i'm adam schiff and i approve this message.
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growing up, my parents wanted me to become a doctor or an engineer. those are good careers! but i chose a different path. first, as mayor and then in the legislature. i enshrined abortion rights in our california constitution. in the face of trump, i strengthened hate crime laws and lowered the costs for the middle class. now i'm running to bring the fight to congress. you were always stubborn. and on that note, i'm evan low, and i approve this message. >> jimmy: thanks to elisabeth
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moss and zach woods. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, his album "djesse volume 4" comes out february 29th. here with the song "witness me" with some help from tori kelly, jacob collier! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ you tell me you're broken tell me it's over now ♪ ♪ you say you're done hopin' you tell me all ♪ ♪ the light's gone out well maybe you're lost then maybe you're ♪ ♪ far from home if you only keep walkin' you never will walk alone ♪ ♪ when i'm with you
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there's nothin' that i wouldn't do ♪ ♪ you're the one that i've waited for to bring out the best in me ♪ ♪ i'm out in the blue i'm holdin' my hand out to you ♪ ♪ you're the one that i've waited for i'm holdin' on to you ♪ ♪ i'm with you i'm with you i'm with you here ♪ ♪ i'm with you here you're the light i need you're the light i need ♪ ♪ in the dark i see in the dark i see ♪ ♪ i'm with you i'm with you i'm with you here i'm ♪ ♪ with you here you are all i see you are all i see ♪ ♪ you witness me ooh witness me ♪ ♪ i know we haven't seen each other much i've been gone for the ♪ ♪ last six months and life isn't easy so call when you need me ♪ ♪ dad's sick and your brother's not there more drink 'cause ♪ ♪ nobody cares but i believe in
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you deeply ♪ ♪ you know you can lean on me ♪ ♪ i'm here for you in whatever you're goin' through whatever it is ♪ ♪ you can tell me i know you'd do the same ♪ ♪ i'm with you i'm with you i'm with you here ♪ ♪ i'm with you here you're the light i need you're the light i need ♪ ♪ in the dark i see in the dark i see ♪ ♪ i'm with you i'm with you i'm with you here i'm with you here ♪ ♪ you are all i see you are all i see you witness me ♪ ♪ ooh witness me ooh ooh ooh witness me ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh witness me ooh ooh ooh witness me ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh witness me ooh ooh ooh witness me ooh ooh ooh witness me ♪ ♪
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whoo! ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh witness me ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh witness me ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh yeah witness me ♪ ♪ me me me me yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ ooh nah nah whoo ♪ mm mm mm mm mm mm ♪ ♪ oo hch ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> byron: tonight, street soldiers. >> it don't have to be violence everywhere, we can talk it out! >> byron: people known as violence interrupters putting their lives on the line trying to prevent shootings in some of america's most dangerous neighborhoods. >> it's scary out there i'm not going to lie. >> byron: using their

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