tv, amazon fire tv, as well as roku. download the app now so you can start streaming. all right. thank you so much for joining us tonight. i'm ama daetz right now on jimmy kimmel luke bryan. have a great night everyone. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, luke bryan, mike birbiglia, and music from incubus. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! thank you very much. welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.

thank you for coming. thank you for joining us here in beautiful hollywood, california. where i don't know about it, but just about every comedian in the world is gathered here in l.a. this week. netflix is having a big comedy festival here this week. last night, they had a roast of tom brady. a live roast and all the stars were there! >> my prediction, iron mike is going to kill that baby. it will be the only legal abortion in texas. >> jimmy: look at that! guillermo in the audience. was it fun? >> it was great. >> jimmy: good in person? >> it was very good. >> jimmy: tom brady, i don't know why he did this, but he was a pretty good sport. it's hard to believe only 13 years ago, donald trump was the subject of a big celebrity roast. >> people hatin on him because trump is always firing people.

but it's kind of okay because he completely let himself go any way. donald -- hey, chill. you know what, donald? you got the tan, you got the laundry down. but you got to hit the gym, porkchop. but donald, i like how you roll. i've seen pictures of your house. everything in your house is gold. who decorated your house? flavor flav's dentist? >> jimmy: and it all went down hill from there. remember the situation? mike the situation? he was actually in prison with trump's former lawyer michael cohen, who is currently testifying against him. they were at the otisville federal correctional institution at the same time. and maybe trump will be there next! in new york today, the judge in the hush money trial found trump to be in contempt for violating the terms of his gag order again. this is trump's tenth violation, and we're only on day twelve of the trial.

he's already paid $9000 in fines for the first nine, which doesn't sound like a lot, but it is a lot for orange, who won't be getting his allowance this week. the judge is now threatening to put trump in jail if he doesn't stop talking about the case. which means trump is definitely going to jail. he can't stop talking about the case. that's like trying to get a dog to stop licking itself. don't -- ahh. whatever. it's his nature. sending the former president on a trip to bar-a-lago. according to judge merchan, is "the last thing i want to do," which is funny, because it's the first thing i would want to do. it's number one on my list. how would that even work? would they give him a cavity search? god help whoever gets that gig. they might find vivek ramaswamy living up there. like a keester elf. the judge made it very clear today that incarceration is "truly a last resort," but this is getting real. you know, they still haven't figured out what to do about secret service if they have to lock him up. they might have to go to prison too. can you imagine that?

you work your whole life to become a secret service agent, assigned to protecting the president of the united states. somehow you wind up doing 12-hour shifts in a prison cell with count flatula? over the weekend, one of trump's former mistresses, karen mcdougal, the former playboy playmate whose story of a year-long affair with trump was purchased specifically to be buried by the national enquirer, she posted a picture of the book "catch and kill" while she was in a bathtub in what appears to be a private dining room at the cheesecake factory. i don't know. that's gotta make him a little nervous. every time she thinks of their affair, she has to bathe. karen is expected to testify later this month. you know, we've been talking about stormy so much, we forgot about karen, which will be fun for melania. on saturday, trump hosted an event at mar-a-lago for wealthy

donors. it was a luncheon that included around a dozen potential running mates, all of whom are auditioning to be his number two on the exciting new reality competition show "so you think you can pence." only donald trump could end up with a running mate and a cellmate in the same month. but among the poll s are rubio, elise stefanik, jd vance and south dakota governor kristi noem. i love that she thinks she still has a shot. she had a shot, and she used it, on her dog! there's no way trump is going to pick kristi noem. but he wants to keep her around in case one of the other lapdogs stops obeying his commands. kristi can drag 'em to the rock quarry and put 'em down. you know, i've talked about this subject a few times and i always feel like half our audience thinks i'm kidding about the dog killing stuff. i'm not kidding. kristi noem has a book coming out tomorrow, in which she brags about shooting her own puppy. and not just a puppy, this

nomicidal maniac also murdered her goat. >> you put it in a chapter "bad day to be a goat." and then after you shot the dog you realized a, quote, another unpleasant job had to be done. >> jimmy: writing about shooting her puppy, goat and three horses might be the most-damaging unforced error anyone has ever made. not since plaxico burress of the new york giants shot himself in the leg outside a nightclub to end his season and do 20 months in jail has a high-profile human being done this much damage to herself. and now she's trying to spin it like the ghostwriter somehow screwed her over. maybe the ghost writer was the ghost of the goat! we don't know. and not only did she admit to shooting pets, she also lied about meeting kim jong un. >> you talk about meeting some world leaders. quote, i remember when i met with north korean dictator kim jong-un.

i'm sure he underestimated me, having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants. i've been a children's pastor, after all. did you meet kim jong-un? >> well, you know, as soon as this was brought to my attention, i certainly made some changes and looked at this passage, and i've met with many, many world leaders. so i'm glad that this book is being released in a couple of days, and that those edits will be in place, and that people will have the updated version. >> so you did not meet with kim jong-un? that's what you're saying? >> i met with many, many world leaders. many world leaders. i'm not going talk about my specific meetings with world leaders. i am saying that this book is very, very good, and i've met with many world leaders. >> jimmy: that's right. all she is trying to say is the book is very, very good and she's met with many world leaders, none of them being kim jong-un. why would she even claim this? she's like the female george santos. although sometimes george santos is the female george santos. and by the way, it's a shame she

-- [ applause ] -- it's really kind of a shame she didn't meet kim jong-un, because if anyone would be on her side when it comes to dog killing, i mean, that's the guy. so i know, even though she wrote it in her book, she won't say whether or not she met kim jong-un. >> if you have to retract it or parts of it -- >> i'm not retracting anything. >> okay. >> i'm not retracting anything. >> which is interesting, because the publisher announced a the request of governor noem, we are removing a passage regarding kim jong-un. oh wait, is that what "retracting" means? in that case, i guess we are retracting. at churchill downs saturday, they had the running of the 150th annual kentucky derby. a horse won this year, which is cool. it was really a dramatic finish. >> the lead to the final 16th. forever young, sierra leone is coming. down to the wire. who is it going to be?

>> she has to be stopped! [ applause ] this is nothing to do with politics, but back in october you may have seen my wife and i surprised our kids jane and billy, by picking up a hitchhiker named olivia rodrigo on their way to school. they love olivia rodrigo. and it has been the talk of our house ever since. so a friend of mine suggested that it might be funny if we do the same thing and pick him up along the side of the road. as a surprise. now he is not a pop singer, beloved by 9 and 7 year olds. and in fact, my children have no idea who he is at all. but they do now. here is what happened this morning on our way to school. >> and away we go! >> mom, this car would be really god for a road trip. >> i agree. >> it's nice and spacious. >> yeah. >> this guy. >> no way. >> should we pick him up? >> oh my god. >> what? >> you're doing this again!

>> oh my god. >> hey, guys, you mind if i hitch a ride? >> sure. >> come on in. >> hi, how you doing? >> thank you so much. excuse me there, i'm sorry. okay, hold on. >> oh my goodness. >> it's a little tight. it's a little tight. okay. it's a little tight. >> jimmy: no worry. so where you headed? >> my foot is just -- okay. here we go. hey, guys! >> what's so funny, jane? >> how are you guys doing? >> you know what's so funny. >> do you know who this is? >> they're overwhelmed. they say don't meet your heroes. >> jimmy: oh, do they? >> some people, yeah. but i get that. >> are you guys excited? >> you know, i'm in a band. i don't know if you guys. >> jimmy: you guys know his songs, right? >> we've never played. i've got them on my phone if you want to hear them. >> jimmy: you know his name, right? jane?

♪ >> you can sing along. guys, sing along, here we go. ♪ long -- ♪ >> did you like it? >> yes. >> you guys are so nice. >> hey, has this ever happened before? has anyone ever gotten in the car with you before? >> yes. >> it has? who got in the car with you? >> olivia rodrigo. >> what? when i got in, was it sort of the same feeling? >> yeah, a good feeling. >> it was a good feeling. >> your daughter is the nicest person ever. >> jimmy: get to know her a

little more. >> she's being so kind to me. it's unbelievable. >> what time do you normally go to school? >> this time. >> so you guys are up every day at this time? >> oh, yeah. more or less. >> this is our alarm clock right here named billy. wakes up every day. >> we pack them a lunch. >> what did you pack for lunch? what are we dealing with? what do we got? i think -- >> are you eating your lunch? >> i'm licking it. >> you're licking it? it's 8:00. >> what is it? >> oh, lucky. >> you have that too? >> i put a few nerds. >> you put nerds in their lunch? >> yes, i did. >> are you insane? >> only three. three nerds. >> that's like putting cocaine in their lunch. >> do you guys know who this is? >> oh, we didn't tell them who i was yet? >> no, no, not really. >> so my name is jon stewart of

the daily show. but he only works on mondays. because he's very old, and i don't want the say brittle, but if he were to work as my mom and my dad worked, he would turn into a bag of dust. yeah. as you get older, what happens is a lot of the moisture from your body just evaporates. so when you're young, you're a grape. and then you get to be my age, and you're a raisin, and then you can only work mondays. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: today is a monday. >> so i'm working today. >> water! >> oh, do you need water? all this has made me unbelievably hungry. >> jimmy: has it? is this where you want to go? >> i don't want to. but there is something that draws me here. >> jimmy: okay.

yes. >> so have you guys ever heard of a diarrhea factory? >> no. >> jimmy: kids, don't listen to mr. stewart. daddy loves arby's. in fact, i had arby's cater my 30th birthday. >> is that really true? >> that's true. >> that is before i came along. before i came along, of course. >> jane, i would like to work with you some day, or for you. i would like to hire you to taunt my enemies. should we listen to one olivia rodrigo song on our way out? >> sure, you want to? ♪ ♪ i told secrets i shouldn't tell ♪ ♪ i made it worse, each team i step outside ♪ ♪ it's so ♪

>> what is the bad word? >> jimmy: there is no bad >> maybe you shout a bad word and we'll pretend it's in the song. >> okay. bankers. [ applause ] >> no, what is happening? >> jimmy: we have to be more careful about who we let our kids hang around with. >> i think so. >> they've corrupted me. i didn't do anything. i was just sitting here. >> dick! >> jimmy: oh, no. have a great day! >> make good choices. >> i will. be safe. >> who was that? >> i have no idea. ♪ [ cheering ] >> jimmy: oh, hey! thank you!

>> jimmy: my son, jon stewart, everybody. [ cheering ] we've got a great show for you tonight. mike birbiglia is here. >> tremendous! >> jimmy: we have music from incubus. >> what? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i'm excited. >> jimmy: and we'll be right back with luke bryan. jon stewart! ♪ >> lou: abc's "jimmy kimmel live!" brought to you by allstate.

♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight, an exceptionally funny man. you can see him in his new one-man show "please stop the ride." mike birbiglia is with us. [ cheering ] then later, from calabasas, with a new version of their classic album, retitled "morning view

23." it comes out friday. incubus from the don julio outdoor stage. [ cheering ] you can see incubus on tour live starting august 23rd in detroit, michigan. this week, we have new shows with chris pine, josh brolin, nikki glaser, bert kreischer, chris perfetti and david beckham with music from sarah mclachlan, andra day and cage the elephant. [ cheering ] our first guest has a truck-bed full of amas, cmas and whatever other mas there are. you can watch him nurture and crush young talent alongside lionel and katy on "american idol" live sunday nights here on abc. please welcome luke bryan. [ cheering and applause ] ♪ ♪

>> jimmy: you smell like leather. >> it's rich mahogany and leather or something, or leather-bound books. >> jimmy: whatever it is, i'm swooning. how are you? >> i'm good, i'm good. good to see you. >> jimmy: it's good to see you too. you worked live last night. >> yeah, we were here last night. >> jimmy: on cinco de mayo. i was able to prolong a margarita until after the show. >> jimmy: one margarita like your song. >> two margarita, three. you know the drill. and a shot. i didn't do the shot. so i avoided that. work. i have to be polished today. >> jimmy: have you found that on cinco de mayo like monster mash on halloween, that one margarita is something that suddenly gets a spike in listens? >> i would love the route of mariah carey. >> jimmy: yes, all i want for christmas. >> and lee greenwood on fourth of july. >> jimmy: god bless the usa, yes. >> i'd love to see my downloads

skyrocket on cinco de mayo. >> jimmy: cinco de mayo. oh, and by the way, we have mother's day coming up. we have often spoken about your mom. how is your mom doing? >> well, my mother, she's amazing. we got her in the new house. she -- that was her mission of last year is to talk me into moving. she is in a beachtown, mexico beach, florida. >> jimmy: okay. >> there we go. if you know it, you know it. but so, yes. she moved a quarter of a mile down the beach to a much better setup. >> jimmy: a better house. >> at my expense. >> jimmy: of course, yes. >> jimmy: do you worry that she is going to want to move another quarter mile and another quarter mile? >> it's all about upgrades for my mother. it's like when you go online shopping and you add to the cart? >> jimmy: yes. >> she is just clicking the add to the cart.

so now between -- there is an empty lot between her house and the beach. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she's -- her latest push is for me to maybe purchase the empty lot so she can maintain her beach view in case someone ever, you know, builds on top of it. >> jimmy: are you thinking about that? >> well, there is a realtor down there that is probably going to call me in the morning. so she had no trouble. i mean, it's a beachfront lot. it's not cheap. but then she calls me with all this anxiety to purchase four $300 palm trees. and i'm like well, yes. what's that, $1200? yeah, get the palm trees. so i think she baited me with the lot so the $1200 palm trees were oh, as long as you're happy with the palm trees. >> jimmy: let's go to the lot, yeah. and now the lot is going to cost a lot.

ewe t you talked about it and they know you're not interested in the lot. >> yeah, i'm not interested. maybe i am. i don't know. >> jimmy: does she have like a big group of friends down there in florida? >> it's pretty country little town, you know. i call her up, and i'm like well, what are you doing? and she is like well, gator is coming to pick me up, and me and peanut butter and muller are going down to the canal. >> jimmy: are these humans? >> they are not pits. they're actually human beings. >> jimmy: gator? >> gator, peanut butter and mullet. >> jimmy: mullet? is mullet a man? >> mullet is a male >> jimmy: >> i don't know i have. >> jimmy: what about peanut butter? >> these people come and go out of her life because she is a little bit taxing on you. but there is always a new name that comes in. >> jimmy: and never a normal

name like lydia? >> like walter or nothing. >> jimmy: nothing. >> it's always like i don't know, skeeter. skeeter is -- >> jimmy: there is a skeeter? >> got to be. >> jimmy: it sounds like she is putting together a team to like carry out a heist or something. >> oceans 11 of mexico beach, florida, right? they're going to rob the bait and tackle shop. >> jimmy: speaking of bait and tackle. >> and steal some ice. >> jimmy: i have to ask you about something. i cannot believe this is true. i heard that you -- and i know you like fishing. we discussed this before. >> it's a passion, yes. >> jimmy: but i heard that you have a weird allergy that i've never heard of anyone having before. >> i am allergic to bass, touching bass and sun fish. >> jimmy: you're allergic to touching them. what about eating them? >> never seemed to have had a problem. >> jimmy: what happens when you touch a bass? >> so let's just paint the picture. we're down in -- i'm 11 years

old. >> jimmy: you are? geez! >> it's rough growing up in georgia. but the picture is i'm a boy, 11 years old, and i'm catching fish with my dad, you know. well, i'm in the boat, and we're catching fish. you know, you get fish slime and whatever son a bass or whatever. it gets in your eyes and you touch it. and you're getting hooks out of the fish's mouth. my hands are swelling. and my eyes are swelling shut. but we're outside. so my whole life, my dad was just oh, hell, son, it's just the allergies, you know. and then they load me up with benadryl and coca-cola, and i make it through another day, you know. but if i go bass fishing, man, it wrecks me. >> jimmy: are you like allergy to salmon and trout? >> i can trout fish, salmon, trout or anything doesn't bother me. i've never had a problem. it would be like michael jordan

allergic to touching the basketball. >> jimmy: well, yeah, are you that good at fishing? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> hell yeah i am! >> jimmy: luke bryan, everybody. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ engineered to minimize noise. and built for adventure. which can also be your own quiet cabin in the woods. the fully electric q8 e-tron. an electric vehicle that recharges you. how we get there matters. no two bodies are the same. some pads, never got that message. but, always flexfoam did! it protects against different flows for up to zero leaks. and it flexes to fit all bodies, for up to zero feel. feel it yourself with always flexfoam.

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severe stomach pain, or an allergic reaction. serious side effects may include pancreatitis. gallbladder problems may occur. tell your provider about vision problems or changes. taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. side effects like nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. living with type 2 diabetes? ask about the power of 3 with ozempic®. ♪ >> jimmy: we're back with luke bryan. you can see him on "american idol" every sunday night with katy perry and lionel richie. but not with katy perry very long. she is leaving the show.

>> she decided to announce her leaving here. >> jimmy: yeah, she announced it here. >> but you didn't bring me here to fire me or anything. >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> i didn't know if this was like the train station for "american idol" or whatever. >> jimmy: you didn't come here to quit? >> no. not to my knowledge. >> jimmy: katy did break the news on the show. and she told me she hadn't told you or hadn't told lionel. >> she had hinted to me. >> jimmy: oh, she hinted. theb then maybe she h lionel. that possible? >> lionel is such a father figure. you know how it's really hard to sit your dad down and tell him things. >> jimmy: i heard rumor, and these are tabloid rumors that you and lionel are feuding, that you are the next drake and kendrick lamar. is there any truth to that? >> yeah, me and lionel, it's tense on the set. i don't know lionel, how combative he is. >> jimmy: how difficult he is. >> you saw how awful he was on the greatest night in pop. he tried to ruin that whole scenario. >> jimmy: no, i'm not saying

lionel is the problem, i'm suggesting maybe it's you. >> yeah, i read the tabloid. me and lionel in a feud over katy's replacement. yeah. you can't feud with lionel. lionel is like -- he is like apple pie, you know. he's like the most wholesome human. so me and lionel are good. >> jimmy: all you can do is sing to lionel and hope he sings right back. >> right. in a romantic setting. >> jimmy: now, as far as who replaces katy perry, are you guys involved in that decision? >> not really. we let the smart people do that. we just show up and judge the talent and have fun. >> jimmy: have you said -- have you made any suggestions like oh, maybe this person would be great? >> see how he is walking me into this? >> jimmy: yeah. >> maybe peanut butter or maybe -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: mullet might be a nice edition, skeeter. >> mullet's opinion would -- it would be a strong opinion to some. we better leave him in mexico

beach. i think l.a. would be a little -- >> jimmy: i'm a little worried about you. not just because of your bass allergy, which is horrifying. but also, you seem to be falling down a lot. ♪ >> there i go. . >> jimmy: it's happening often, and it happened again just a couple weeks ago in vancouver. >> yeah, this is maybe the best one. >> jimmy: that is a perfect comedy fall. in fact, can we play that again in slow motion? let's have a look here. and what did you fall on? >> i mean, it was -- it was i guess somebody had gotten some water. i keep my water bottles right there. well, first of all, everybody, you check the comments on fans

talking about the fall. >> jimmy: right. >> and there is nine out of ten comments that point to me being drunk. >> jimmy: oh. were you? >> no. >> jimmy: oh. >> but this is my chance to clear the air. >> jimmy: okay. good ahead. >> drinking and fall. listen, i'm kind of -- i'm a 6'2", you know. i'm up there trying to do michael jackson moves in too big of a frame. and when you add water to a stage and slick cowboy boots, you go down hard. >> jimmy: it's a bad combination. >> and it's not alcohol, fans. >> jimmy: it is not alcohol. >> people are like yeah, like they're assuming -- you can't just -- you just can't drink a bottle of vodka and go do a two-hour show. >> jimmy: oh, some do, some do. will you make me one promise? >> what's that? >> jimmy: if it happens again, you're going to start wearing a el helmet. >> jimmy: will you think about that? >> we'll get outfitted. have you seen the new nfl helmets? >> jimmy: yes. wear one of those.

there you go! >> look like r2-d2. >> jimmy: falcons helmet. "american idol" is live sundays coast-to-coast 8:00 eastern, 5:00 pacific right here at abc and the next day on hulu. luke bryan, everybody. thank you, luke. we'll be back with mike birbiglia. [ applause ] depression is a journey. i'd made some progress on my antidepressant... had some daily wins in reducing my symptoms. but i was still masking my depression. so i talked to my doctor. she told me i could build on my wins, without changing my antidepressant. rexulti, when added to an antidepressant, significantly reduced depression symptoms more than an antidepressant alone. and less depression... that's a win. rexulti can cause serious side effects. elderly dementia patients have an increased risk of death or stroke. antidepressants may increase suicidal thoughts and actions and worsen depression in children and young adults. report new or sudden changes in mood, behavior, thoughts, or feelings, or if you develop suicidal thoughts or actions. report fever, stiff muscles, and confusion, which can be life-threatening,

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this week on "jimmy kimmel live," josh brolin, chris pine and david beckham. plus music from sarah mclachlan,

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♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. music from incubus is on the way. no one spins a yarn better than our next guest. he is very funny and has a new one-man show to prove it. it's called "please stop the ride." please welcome mike birbiglia. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: wow! i feel like the way i'm dressed and the way you're dressed, like ewe been called into the principal's office. you have a show tonight, right? >> yeah, yeah. i'm part of the netflix is a joke festival. i was with you and jon stewart at the greek the other night. >> jimmy: that was very fun. >> unbelievable. >> jimmy: you were so funny.

>> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: and everybody was super funny. >> silverman, it was an incredible lineup. i'm doing my new show. my new tour is called "please stop the ride". >> jimmy: how many tours? thinking will be my sixth. thank god for jokes. the new one and the last one on netflix was called "the old man and the pool". >> jimmy: and each one kind of summarizes, but captures a two or three-year period of your life? >> yeah. i work on them for a few years. and my current kind of fascination is my daughter just turned 9 last week. and it's that moment where you realize that you have to answer a lot of questions as a parent. and i don't have a lot of the answers. >> jimmy: i love it. i love seeing your shows. they're really fantastic. the last one was fantastic. "the old man and the pool" was the last one. >> "the old man and the pool". >> jimmy: you will work the show out, put the show on, move the

show to broadway, put the show on netflix, and then you go to the next thing, right? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and yet, i think we have -- what do we have here? tell us what we're seeing here? >> oh my god, this is amazing. okay. people aren't going to believe this. it seems like i'm just making this up. someone performed my show, which was called the new one in mexico in spanish, and that's the poster for it. it was a guy name it is called the new one, but he called it [ speaking in spanish ] "i'm going to be a dad". >> jimmy: did you work with him on this? >> i was not involved. i was not involved or consulted. my wife jenny, who is a wonderful poet, her poems are in the show. she got served an ad for that show in her instagram. and she says that looks familiar, because this is my poster.

>> jimmy: that does look familiar. >> so then she says to me, have you seen this? were you involved? and i go no. so i reached out to the guy over instagram, plutarcho, and we jumped on a zoom, and he was really, really nice. >> jimmy: what did you say to him? >> hey, i'm totally open you performing this. but maybe put my name somewhere in it, say i wrote it, you know. because i think maybe people thought it was his life. >> jimmy: is he doing your life? >> he is doing my life. it's like the ultimate identity theft. it's like he didn't steal my credit card numbers. he stole all of the details and the emotions that i've ever felt. >> jimmy: has your daughter met her mexican daddy? >> well, we all -- we all have a dople ganger in mexico. and if you don't know yours, visit. >> jimmy: wow. >> you should find out. no, no, she knows nothing about this, of course.

and it's completely strange. so now people have been saying this to me for years. and then they publish plays. they reached out the me, we would like to publish your plays. "the old man and the pool" is going to be published with samuel french. again, that's real. and anywhere in the world, high schools or colleges, that i can do monologues. >> jimmy: samuel french, samuel spanish. >> iceland. >> jimmy: last time you were here in town in l.a., you and i had hey, can we go to dinner? and i said yes. we're going to have a mystery guest. and i got a real thrill out of tormenting you with who this mystery guest might be. who -- i never asked you who you imagined the mystery guest might be. >> you built it up so much that i thought it was barack obama. and you're like it's someone

really big. literally, who is this going to be? and then it was one of my comedy heroes, martin short, who i never met. and absolute -- i mean, come on. [ applause ] and i always feel -- >> jimmy: did i oversell martin short? >> no, no, no. but i have to say, even now, i'm self-conscious about everything i said that night. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah, i second guess, should i even be talking? shouldn't it just be you two talking? >> jimmy: because you had like s.e.a.l. team 6 questions prepared and the obama administration health care questions, what not. >> i don't view myself as being in show business. so when people introduce me to these behemoths of show business entertainment, i get -- it's wild. like a couple of years ago, larry david called me. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> which is wild to me. >> jimmy: awesome. >> because i don't even think of him as a person.

i think of him almost as like a mythical comedy being, like a god or something. and he calls and hey, mike, it's larry david. i really like -- my wife and i really like your specials. i just want you to know. oh my god, this is crazy. and so i go do you want to come -- i have a podcast called working it out. you've been a guest. other great comedians where we work out comedy bits would. you want to come on my podcast working it out? and he goes no! what's the upside? i can only lose, you know. which i felt so honored to be rejected by larry, because that's so much of what he does on "curb" is say no to people in funny ways. so i felt like i was in my own "curb" episode. he was if you come to los angeles, reach out, and maybe we can get together. so this week i was coming to

netflix festival, and i texted him, and i was hey, this is off chance, would you want to go to lunch? and i gave him every out, because i know he is reclusive, doesn't like socializing, all this stuff. take any out, you're tired, you're busy, literally anything. i texted them all to him. he wrote back thanks for the outs. i'm going take the outs. which is great. which is like the ultimate larry david thing to write. and then -- and i felt so honored to be rejected in such a funny way. but then i didn't write back, because i was busy with family stuff, some drama with my folks. and so for a couple of days. and a couple of days later, he writes again, "i just realized what i wrote back to you was sort of mean-spirited, and i feel bad about it, and let's go to lunch." >> jimmy: oh. >> and then i realized that i had accidentally been

passive-aggressive to my comedy idol. and it worked. which sort of taught the wrong lesson of the whole thing. >> jimmy: mike birbiglia, "the old man and the pool" is on netflix now, and you get tickets for mike's new show at birbigs.com. we'll be right back with incubus. the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico.

the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. >> jimmy: thanks to luke bryan, mike birbiglia and jon stewart. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. but first their album "morning view 23" comes out friday. here with the song "wish you were here," incubus! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ i dig my toes into the sand ♪ ♪ the ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket ♪ ♪ i lean against the wind pretend that i am weightless and in this moment i am happy happy ♪ ♪ i wish you were here i wish you were here

i wish you were here i wish you were here ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i lay my head onto the sand ♪ ♪ the sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it ♪ ♪ i'm counting ufos i signal them with my lighter and in this moment i am happy happy ♪ ♪ i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here

wish you were here ♪ ♪ ♪ the world's a roller coaster and i am not strapped in ♪ ♪ maybe i should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air saying ♪ ♪ i wish you were here i wish you were ♪ ♪ i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here

wish you were here ♪ ♪ [ cheering and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, the pomp and pageantry of the met gala. >> straight ahead! >> celebrities in full bloom embracing this year's theme, the garden of time. the ensemble that turned a lot of heads. we're with zendaya, j. lo, jeff bezos, and bad bunny, all coming together for the annual fundraiser chaired by "vogue's" anna wintour. plus -- ♪ with a rebel yell she called more, more, more