people are clicking on right now on our website. it's up for you on the top news sidebar at abc seven news.com 122 colleges. >> that is something. all right, a reminder you can watch all our newscasts live and on demand through the abc seven bay area connected tv app available for apple tv, google tv, amazon fire tv. never forget your roku. download the app now so you can start streaming. all right, thanks for watching. i'm ama daetz and i'm dan ashley for sandyha patel, chris alvarez, all of us. >> we appreciate your time right now on jimmy kimmel luke bryan have a great night. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, luke bryan, mike birbiglia, and music from incubus. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel!

[ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! thank you very much. welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for joining us here in beautiful hollywood, california. where i don't know about it, but just about every comedian in the world is gathered here in l.a. this week. netflix is having a big comedy festival. last night, they had a roast of tom brady. a live roast and all the stars were there. >> my prediction, iron mike is going to kill that baby. it will be the only legal abortion in texas. >> jimmy: look at that! guillermo in the audience. was it fun? >> guillermo: it was great. >> jimmy: good in person?

>> guillermo: yeah, it was very good. >> jimmy: tom brady, i don't know why he did this, but he was a pretty good sport. it's hard to believe only 13 years ago, donald trump was the subject of a big celebrity roast. >> people hatin' on him because trump is always firing people. but it's kind of okay because he completely let himself go anyway. donald -- hey, chill. you know what, donald? you got the tan, you got the laundry down. but you got to hit the gym, porkchop. but donald, i like how you roll. i've seen pictures of your house. everything in your house is gold. who the [ bleep ] decorated your house, flavor flav's dentist? >> jimmy: and it all went down hill from there. [ laughter ] remember the situation? mike the situation? he was actually in prison with trump's former lawyer, michael cohen, who is currently testifying against him. they were at the otisville federal correctional institution at the same time. and maybe trump will be there

next! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] in new york today, the judge in the hush money trial found trump to be in contempt for violating the terms of his gag order again. this is trump's tenth violation, and we're only on day twelve of the trial. he's already paid $9000 in fines for the first nine, which doesn't sound like a lot, but it is a lot for eric, who won't be getting his allowance this week. [ laughter ] the judge is now threatening to put trump in jail if he doesn't stop talking about the case. which means trump is definitely going to jail. he can't stop talking about the case. [ laughter ] that's like trying to get a dog to stop licking itself. it's like, don't! ahh, whatever. [ laughter ] it's his nature. sending the former president on a trip to bar-a-lago. [ laughter ] according to judge merchan, is "the last thing i want to do," which is funny, because it's the first thing i would want to do. [ laughter ] it's number one on my list. how would that even work? would they give him a cavity search? god help whoever gets that gig. [ laughter ] they might find vivek ramaswamy living up there.

[ laughter ] like a keester elf. the judge made it very clear today that incarceration is "truly a last resort," but this is getting real. you know, they still haven't figured out what to do about secret service if they have to lock him up. they might have to go to prison too. can you imagine that? you work your whole life to become a secret service agent, assigned to protecting the president of the united states. somehow you wind up doing 12-hour shifts in a prison cell with count flatula? [ laughter ] [ applause ] over the weekend, one of trump's alleged former mistresses, karen mcdougal, the former playboy playmate whose story of a year-long affair with trump was purchased specifically to be buried by trump's buddy at "the national enquirer." she posted a picture of the book "catch and kill" while she was in a bathtub in what appears to be a private dining room at the cheesecake factory. [ laughter ] i don't know. that's got to make him a little nervous. every time she thinks of their affair, she has to bathe.

[ laughter ] karen is expected to testify later this month. you know, we've been talking about stormy so much, we forgot about karen, which will be fun for melania. [ laughter ] on saturday, trump hosted an event at mar-a-lago for wealthy donors. it was a luncheon that included around a dozen potential running mates, all of whom are auditioning to be his number two on the exciting new reality competition show "so you think you can pence." [ laughter ] [ applause ] only donald trump could end up with a running mate and a cellmate in the same month. but among the hopefuls are marco rubio, elise stefanik, j.d. vance, and south dakota governor kristi noem. i love that she thinks she still has a shot. she had a shot, and she used it, on her dog! [ laughter ] there's no way trump is going to pick kristi noem. but he wants to keep her around in case one of the other lapdogs stops obeying his commands. kristi can drag 'em to the rock quarry and put 'em down. you know, i've talked about this

a few times and i always feel like half our audience thinks i'm kidding about the dog killing stuff. i'm not kidding. kristi noem has a book coming out tomorrow in which she brags about shooting her own puppy. and not just a puppy, this nomicidal maniac also murdered her goat. >> you put it in a chapter "bad day to be a goat." and then after you shot the dog you, quote, realized another unpleasant job needed to be done. [ audience moaning ] >> jimmy: writing about shooting her puppy, goat and three horses might be the most damaging unforced error anyone has ever made. not since plaxico burress of the new york giants shot himself in the leg outside a nightclub to end his season and do 20 months in jail has a high-profile human being done this much damage to herself. and now she's trying to spin it like the ghostwriter somehow screwed her over. maybe the ghostwriter was the ghost of the goat! we don't know. [ laughter ] and not only did she admit to shooting pets, she also lied

about meeting kim jong-un. >> you talk about meeting some world leaders. quote, i remember when i met with north korean dictator kim jong-un. i'm sure he underestimated me, having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants. i've been a children's pastor, after all. [ laughter ] did you meet kim jong-un? >> well, you know, as soon as this was brought to my attention, i certainly made some changes and looked at this passage, and i've met with many, many world leaders. so i'm glad that this book is being released in a couple of days, and that those edits will be in place, and that people will have the updated version. >> so you did not meet with kim jong-un? that's what you're saying? >> i met with many, many world leaders. many world leaders. [ laughter ] i'm not going talk about my specific meetings with world leaders. i am saying that this book is very, very good, and i've met with many world leaders. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right. all she is trying to say is the book is very, very good and she's met with many world leaders, none of them being kim jong-un.

[ laughter ] why would she even claim this? she's like the female george santos. although sometimes george santos is the female george santos. [ laughter ] and by the way, it's a shame that -- [ applause ] -- it's really kind of a shame she didn't meet kim jong-un, because if anyone would be on her side when it comes to dog killing, i mean, that's the guy. [ laughter ] so now, even though she wrote it in her book, she won't say whether or not she met kim jong-un. >> if you have to retract it or parts of it -- >> i'm not retracting anything. >> okay. >> i'm not retracting anything. >> jimmy: which is interesting, because the publisher announced, "at the request of governor noem, we are removing a passage regarding kim jong-un." [ laughter ] oh wait, is that what "retracting" means? in that case, i guess we are retracting. [ laughter ] at churchill downs saturday, they had the running of the 150th kentucky derby. a horse won this year, which is cool. [ laughter ] it was really a dramatic finish. >> with the lead to the final

16th, forever young, satisfactorily is coming. these three coming down to the wire. who's it going to be? >> jimmy: she has to be stopped! [ laughter and applause are ] this is nothing to do with politics, but back in october you may have seen my wife and i surprised our kids jane and billy, by picking up a hitchhiker named olivia rodrigo on their way to school. they love olivia rodrigo. and it has been the talk of our house ever since. so a friend of mine suggested that it might be funny if we do the same thing and pick him up along the side of the road. as a surprise. now, he is not a pop singer, beloved by 9 and 7 year olds. and in fact, my children have no idea who he is at all. [ laughter ] but they do now. here is what happened this morning on our way to school. >> and away we go! >> mom, this car would be really god for a road trip. >> i agree. >> it's nice and spacious. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ]

>> this guy. >> no way. >> should we pick him up? >> oh my god. >> what? >> you're doing this again! >> oh my god. >> hey, guys, you mind if i hitch a ride? >> sure. >> come on in. >> hi, how you doing? >> thank you so much. excuse me there, i'm sorry. okay, hold on. >> oh my goodness. >> it's a little tight. it's a little tight. okay. it's a little tight. >> jimmy: we could close that for you no worry. so where you headed? >> my foot is just -- okay. [ laughter ] here we go. hey, guys! >> what's so funny, jane? >> how are you guys doing? >> you know what's so funny. >> jimmy: do you guys know who this is? >> they're overwhelmed. they say don't meet your heroes. >> jimmy: oh, do they? [ laughter ] >> some people, yeah. but i get that. [ laughter ] >> are you guys excited? >> you know, i'm in a band.

i don't know if you guys -- >> jimmy: you guys know his songs, right? >> we've never played. i've got them on my phone if you want to hear them. >> jimmy: you know his name, right? jane? ♪ >> you can sing along. >> jimmy: guys, sing along. >> here we go. ♪ long time ♪ ♪ la la what ♪ ♪ i always pah pah pah ♪ ♪ song -- built this -- ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you like it? >> yes. >> you guys are so nice. hey, has this ever happened before? has anyone ever gotten in the car with you before? >> yes. >> it has? who got in the car with you? >> olivia rodrigo. >> what? when i got in, was it sort of the same feeling? >> yeah, a good feeling. >> it was a good feeling.

your daughter is the nicest person ever. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: get to know her a little more. >> she's being so kind to me. it's unbelievable. what time do you normally go to school? >> jimmy: this time. >> so you guys are up every day at this time? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. more or less. >> this is our alarm clock right here named billy. wakes up every day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we pack them a lunch. >> what did you pack for lunch? what are we dealing with? what do we got? i think -- >> jimmy: are you eating your lunch? >> i'm licking it. >> jimmy: you're licking it? it's 8:00. >> what is it? >> oh, lucky. >> you have that too? >> jimmy: i put a few nerds in. >> you put nerds in their lunch? >> jimmy: yes, i did. >> are you insane? >> jimmy: only three. three nerds in their lunch. >> that's like putting cocaine in their lunch.

>> jimmy: do you guys know who this is? >> oh, we didn't tell them who i was yet? >> jimmy: no. no, not really. >> so my name is jon stewart of "the daily show." but he only works on mondays. [ laughter ] because he's very old, and i don't want to say brittle, but if he were to work as much as my mom and dad worked, he would turn into a bag of dust. yeah. as you get older, what happens is a lot of the moisture from your body just evaporates. [ laughter ] so when you're young, you're a grape. and then you get to be my age, and you're a raisin, and then you can only work mondays. [ laughter ] >> is today a monday? >> jimmy: today is a monday. >> so i'm working today. >> water! >> oh, do you need water? all this has made me unbelievably hungry. >> jimmy: has it? is this where you want to go?

[ laughter ] >> i don't want to. but there is something that draws me here. >> jimmy: okay. yes. >> so have you guys ever heard of a diarrhea factory? [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: kids, don't listen to mr. stewart. daddy loves arby's. in fact, i had arby's cater my 30th birthday. >> is that really true? >> jimmy: that's true. >> that is before i came along. [ laughter ] long before i came along, of course. >> jane, i would like to work with you someday, or for you. i would like to hire you to taunt my enemies. [ laughter ] should we listen to one olivia rodrigo song on our way out? >> jimmy: sure, you want to? ♪ i told secrets i shouldn't tell ♪ ♪ i made it worse, each team i step outside ♪

♪ it's social suicide ♪ ♪ social suicide ♪ >> what is the bad word? >> there is no bad words. >> maybe you shout a bad word and we'll pretend it's in the song. >> okay. [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] >> [ bleep ]. >> no! what is happening? >> jimmy: we have to be more careful about who we let our kids hang around with. >> i think so. >> they've corrupted me. i didn't do anything. i was just sitting here. >> dick! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, no. have a great day! >> make good choices. >> i will. be safe. >> who was that? >> i have no idea. ♪ social suicide ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hey! thank you! my son, jon stewart, everybody. [ cheering ] we've got a great show for you tonight. mike birbiglia is here. >> tremendous! >> jimmy: we have music from incubus. >> what? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i'm excited. >> jimmy: and we'll be right back with luke bryan. jon stewart! inez, let me ask you, you're using head and shoulders, right? only when i see flakes. then i switch back to my regular shampoo. you should use it every wash, otherwise the flakes will come back. tiny troy: he's right, you know. is that tiny troy? the ingredients in head and shoulders keep the microbes that cause flakes at bay. microbes, really? they're always on your scalp... little rascals... but good news, there's no itchiness, dryness or flakes down here!

i love tiny troy. and his tiny gorgeous hair. he's the best. - make every wash count! - little help please. (♪) (♪) sir... would you like a menu? arthritis pain? we say not today. tylenol 8 hour arthritis pain has two layers of relief. the first is fast, the second is long-lasting. we give you your day back, so you can give it everything. tylenol. number one doctor recommended for arthritis pain. isn't it absolutely bonkers that you can walk into a store, hand someone a piece of plastic, and they will willingly hand over reese's cups? forget flying cars. this is it. we're at the pinnacle. and meet reese's distant but delicious cousins. (whisper) air wick. how far would you go to control the fragrance in your home? there's an easier way. try air wick vibrant, with 2x more natural essential oils

for up to 120 days of amazing fragrance per dual pack. now that's a breath of fresh air wick. homequote explorer lets you easily compare coverage options so you don't end up overpaying. now that's a breath good, because we've spent a lot on this kitchen. oh, yeah, really high end stuff. sorry, that's our ghost. he's more annoying than anything. oh, a decal that says "kitchen." good, i forgot where i was for a second.

(♪) heartburn makes you queasy? get fast relief with new tums+ upset stomach & nausea support, and love food back. (♪) (♪) when your clothes come out looking newer, longer... you get to take them for a spin. again... ...and again... ...and again. (♪) the unique formula of persil laundry detergent cleans and helps keep clothes looking newer, longer so you can wear them on repeat. get that new clothes feeling. wash with persil. ugh. nothing works on this acne. hi! who.? i'm a licensed dermatology provider from curology. oh. answer a few

questions, i'll look at your skin, and prescribe you a personalized cream. wow! curology. skincare with a face.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight, an exceptionally funny man. you can see him in his new one-man show "please stop the ride." mike birbiglia is with us. [ cheering ] then later, from calabasas, with a new version of their classic album, retitled "morning view 23." it comes out friday. incubus from the don julio outdoor stage. [ cheering ] you can see incubus on tour live starting august 23rd in detroit, michigan. this week, we have new shows with chris pine, josh brolin, nikki glaser, bert kreischer, chris perfetti and david beckham with music from sarah mclachlan, andra day and cage the elephant.

[ cheering ] our first guest has a truck-bed full of amas, cmas, and whatever other as there are. you can watch him nurture and crush young talent alongside lionel and katy on "american idol" live sunday nights here on abc. please welcome luke bryan. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you smell like leather. >> it's rich mahogany and leather or something, or leather-bound books. >> jimmy: whatever it is, i'm swooning. how are you? >> i'm good, i'm good. good to see you. >> jimmy: it's good to see you too. you worked live last night. >> yeah, we were here last night. >> jimmy: on cinco de mayo.

i was able to prolong a margarita until after the show. >> jimmy: one margarita like your song. ♪ two margarita ♪ you know the drill. and a shot. i didn't do the shot. so i avoided that. work. i have to be polished today. >> jimmy: have you found that on cinco de mayo, like monster mash on halloween, that one margarita is something that suddenly gets a spike in listens? >> i would love the route of mariah carey. >> jimmy: yes, "all i want for christmas." >> and lee greenwood on fourth of july. >> jimmy: "god bless the usa," yes. >> i'd love to see my downloads skyrocket on cinco de mayo. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: cinco de mayo. oh, and by the way, we have mother's day coming up. we have often spoken about your mom. how is your mom doing? >> well, my mother, she's amazing. we got her in the new house. she -- that was her mission of last year is to talk me into moving.

she's in a beach town, mexico beach, florida. [ whoop ] >> jimmy: okay. >> there we go. if you know it, you know it. but so, yes. she moved a quarter of a mile down the beach. [ laughter ] to a much better setup. >> jimmy: a better house? >> at my expense. >> jimmy: of course, yes. do you worry that she is going to want to move another quarter mile and another quarter mile? [ laughter ] >> it's all about upgrades for my mother. it's like when you go online shopping and you add to the cart? >> jimmy: yes. >> she is just clicking the add to the cart. [ laughter ] so now between -- there is an empty lot between her house and the beach. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she's -- her latest push is for me to maybe purchase the empty lot so she can maintain her beach view in case someone ever, you know, builds on top of it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: are you thinking about that? >> well, there is a realtor down there that is probably going to call me in the morning. [ laughter ]

so she had no trouble. i mean, it's a beachfront lot. it's not cheap. but then she calls me with all this anxiety to purchase four $300 palm trees. and i'm like well, yes. what's that, $1200? yeah, get the palm trees. so i think she baited me with the lot. [ laughter ] so the $1200 palm trees were oh, as long as you're happy with the palm trees. >> jimmy: let's go to the lot, yeah. and now the lot is going to cost a lot. you talked about it and they know you're not interested in the lot. >> yeah, i'm not interested. [ laughter ] maybe i am. i don't know. >> jimmy: does she have like a big group of friends down there in florida? >> it's a pretty country little town, you know. i call her up, and i'm like, well, what are you doing? and she is like well, gator is coming to pick me up, and me and peanut butter and mullet are going down to the canal. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are these humans?

>> they are not pits. they're actually human beings. >> jimmy: gator? >> gator, peanut butter and mullet. >> jimmy: mullet? [ laughter ] is mullet a man? >> mullet is a male human. >> jimmy: have you met mullet? >> i don't know if i have. i try to clear them out when i come to down. >> jimmy: what about peanut butter? >> these people come and go out of her life because she is a little bit taxing on you. but there is always a new name that comes in. >> jimmy: and never a normal name like lydia? >> like walter or nothing. >> jimmy: nothing. >> it's always like i don't know, skeeter. skeeter is -- >> jimmy: there is a skeeter? >> got to be. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it sounds like she is putting together a team to like carry out a heist or something. >> "ocean's eleven of mexico beach, florida," right? they're going to rob the bait and tackle shop. [ laughter ] steal some ice. >> jimmy: speaking of bait and

tackle. i cannot believe this. i heard that you -- i know you like fishing, we've discussed this before. >> it's a passion, yes. >> jimmy: but i heard that you have a weird allergy that i've never heard of anyone having before. >> i am allergic to bass, touching bass and sun fish. >> jimmy: you're allergic to touching them. what about eating them? >> never seemed to have had a problem. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what happens when you touch a bass? >> so let's just paint the picture. we're down in -- i'm 11 years old. >> jimmy: you are? geez! [ laughter ] >> it's rough growing up in georgia. but the picture is i'm a boy, 11 years old, and i'm catching fish with my dad, you know. well, i'm in the boat, and we're catching fish. you know, you get fish slime and whatever's on a bass or whatever. it gets in your eyes and you touch it. and you're getting hooks out of the fish's mouth. my hands are swelling. and my eyes are swelling shut. but we're outside.

so my whole life, my dad was just oh, hell, son, it's just the allergies, you know. [ laughter ] and then they load me up with benadryl and coca-cola, and i make it through another day, you know. [ laughter ] but if i go bass fishing, man, it wrecks me. >> jimmy: are you allergic to salmon and trout? >> i can trout fish, salmon, trout or anything doesn't bother me. i've never had a problem. it would be like michael jordan allergic to touching the basketball. >> jimmy: well, yeah, are you that good at fishing? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> hell yeah i am! >> jimmy: luke bryan, everybody. we'll be right back.

marshalls buyers hustle for the latest trends, from fashion... double denim is back. got it! to beauty, so you don't have to. that is a deal! we get the deals, you get the good stuff. marshalls. ♪ on your period, sudden gushes happen. say goodbye gush fears! thanks to always ultra thins... with rapiddry technology... that absorbs two times faster. hellooo clean and comfortable. always. fear no gush.

are the tradeoffs of treating worth it? ubrelvy is another option, it quickly eliminates migraine pain.

do not take with strong cyp3a4 inhibitors. allergic reactions to ubrelvy can happen. most common side effects were nausea and sleepiness. ask about ubrelvy. chipotle's chicken al pastor is back. and it's fire on every level. fresh chicken hot off the grill, mixed with morita peppers, a splash of pineapple and fresh lime. it's where fire meets flavor. chipotle's chicken al pastor, the wait is over. hey! it's your dry skin. every day we lose ceramides i need to seal in moisture. cerave delivers three essential ceramides to help restore my barrier, so i can lock in moisture, feel hydrated, and look healthy. cerave facial moisturizing lotions. hefty, hefty, hefty! whoah... [inhales deeply] how do they get these things to smell so good? hefty, hef- hefty, hefty, hefty! must be magic. hefty ultra strong with fabuloso scent.

>> jimmy: we're back with luke bryan. you can see him on "american idol" every sunday night with katy perry and lionel richie. but not with katy perry very long. she is leaving the show. >> she decided to announce her leaving here. >> jimmy: yeah, she announced it here. >> but you didn't bring me here to fire me or anything. >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ laughter ] >> i didn't know if this was like the train station for "american idol" or whatever. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you didn't come here to quit? >> no. not to my knowledge. >> jimmy: katy did break the news on the show. and she told me she hadn't told you or hadn't told lionel. >> she had hinted to me. >> jimmy: oh, she hinted. then maybe she hadn't lionel. [ laughter ] is that possible?

>> lionel is such a father figure. you know how it's really hard to sit your dad down and tell him things. >> jimmy: i heard rumors, and these are tabloid rumors that you and lionel are feuding, that you are the next drake and kendrick lamar. [ laughter ] is there any truth to that? >> yeah, me and lionel, it's tense on the set. you know lionel, how combative he is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how difficult he is. >> you saw how awful he was on the greatest night in pop. he tried to ruin that whole scenario. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i'm not saying lionel is the problem, i'm suggesting maybe it's you. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i read the tabloid. me and lionel in a feud over katy's replacement. it's like -- yeah. you can't feud with lionel. lionel is like -- he is like apple pie, you know. he's like the most wholesome human. so me and lionel are good. >> jimmy: all you can do is sing to lionel and hope he sings right back. >> right. in a romantic setting. >> jimmy: now, as far as who replaces katy perry, are you guys involved in that decision? >> not really.

we let the smart people do that. we just show up and judge the talent and have fun. >> jimmy: have you said -- have you made any suggestions like oh, maybe this person would be great? >> see how he is walking me into this? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. maybe peanut butter or maybe -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: -- mullet might be a nice addition. skeeter? >> mullet's opinion would -- it would be a strong opinion to some. we better leave him in mexico beach. i think l.a. would be a little -- >> jimmy: i'm a little worried about you. not just because of your bass allergy, which is horrifying. but also, you seem to be falling down a lot. ♪ ♪ >> there i go. ♪ >> jimmy: it's happening often, and it happened again just a couple weeks ago in vancouver.

>> yeah, this is maybe the best one. >> jimmy: that is a perfect comedy fall. in fact, can we play that again in slow motion? [ laughter ] let's have a look here. and what did you fall on? >> i mean, it was -- it was i guess somebody had gotten some water. i keep my water bottles right there. well, first of all, everybody, you check the comments on fans talking about the fall. >> jimmy: right. >> and there is nine out of ten comments that point to me being drunk. >> jimmy: oh. were you? >> no. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] >> but this is my chance to clear the air. >> jimmy: okay. go ahead. >> this drinking and falling -- listen. i'm kind of a -- i'm 6'2", you know. i'm up there trying to do michael jackson moves in too big of a frame. [ laughter ] and when you add water to a stage and slick cowboy boots, you go down hard. >> jimmy: it's a bad combination.

>> and it's not alcohol, fans. >> jimmy: it is not alcohol. [ laughter ] >> people are like, yeah, they're assuming -- you can't just drink a bottle of vodka and do a two-hour show. >> jimmy: oh, some do, some do. [ laughter ] will you make me one promise? >> what's that? >> jimmy: if it happens again, you're going to start wearing a helmet? [ laughter ] will you think about that? >> we'll get outfitted. have you seen the new nfl helmets? >> jimmy: yes. wear one of those. there you go! >> look like r2d2. >> jimmy: falcons helmet. "american idol" is live sundays coast-to-coast 8:00 eastern, 5:00 pacific right here at abc and the next day on hulu. luke bryan, everybody. thank you, luke. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with mike birbiglia. if you're living with hiv, imagine being good to go without daily hiv pills. good to go off the grid. good to go nonstop.

with cabenuva, there's no pausing for daily hiv pills. for adults who are undetectable, cabenuva is the only complete, long-acting hiv treatment you can get every other month. it's two injections from a healthcare provider. just 6 times a year. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic to its ingredients or if you're taking certain medicines which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include allergic reactions, post-injection reactions, liver problems, and depression. if you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms, stop cabenuva and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have liver or kidney problems, mental health concerns, and if you are pregnant, breastfeeding or considering pregnancy. some of the most common side effects include injection-site reactions, fever, and tiredness. with cabenuva, you're good to go. ask your doctor about switching. you have all the ingredients for this in your fridge but ask yourself this... of all the times you've made it at home... has it ever tasted like our mcmuffin?

♪ba da ba ba ba.♪

oh no. running low? with chewy, always keep their bowl full. save 35% on your first autoship order. get the food they love. delivered again and again. (♪) [thud] not flossing well? then add the whoa! of listerine to your routine. new science shows listerine is 5x more effective than floss at reducing plaque above the gumline. for a cleaner, healthier mouth. ahhhhh. listerine. feel the whoa! [ em beihold's "good day" begins] ahhhhh. meet the new target circle three-sixty, with unlimited same-day delivery, so you can get what you need when you need it. better in every way. that's the new target circle three-sixty. [ "good day" ends ]

>> lou: it's time to play, "who's upside down?" one of these people is upside down. blood is rushing to their head, and they very well may pass out. who can it be? >> ahh, refreshing! >> lou: thanks for playing "who's upside down?" i've even got an extra seat. wait! no, no, no, no, no. [ gasps ] [ indistinct chatter ] [ sigh ] let's just wait them out.

the volkswagen atlas with three rows of seating for seven. everyone wants a ride. [ snoring ] ok, get in. [ speaking minionese ] yippee! and see "despicable me 4" in theaters july 3rd. rated pg. my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis held me back... now with skyrizi, i'm all in with clearer skin. ♪ things are getting clearer...♪ ( ♪ ) ♪ i feel free... ♪ ♪ to bear my skin, yeah that's all me. ♪ ♪ nothing is everything ♪ ( ♪) with skyrizi, 3 out of 4 people achieved 90% clearer skin at 4 months. and most people were clearer even at 5 years. skyrizi is just 4 doses a year, after 2 starter doses. serious allergic reactions... ...and an increased risk of infections... ...or a lower ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms,... ...had a vaccine, or plan to. ♪ nothing and me go hand-in-hand, ♪

♪ nothing on my skin, that's my new plan. ♪ ♪ nothing is everything ♪ now's the time,... ...ask your doctor about skyrizi,... ...the number one... ...dermatologist-prescribed biologic in psoriasis. learn how abbvie could help you save. at tj maxx, you can afford to turn your closet into a place of endless expression. with the quality, styles, and prices you love. ♪ oh man... do you stick with plump, juicy raisins? or try something deliciously frosted? best to reallyyyy chew on this one. [chewing] but maybe not so loudly. more delicious ways to bran. ♪ ”fracture (instrumental) by apashe & flux pavilion ♪ ♪ [bird caws] commuter: “whoa” ♪ siri: “continue straight." [bird caws] [commuter groans] siri: “you're still on the fastest route.” [commuter groans] [bird caws] commuter: “aghhh” [music stops] [debris crashing]

[debris crashing] [phone thuds] ♪ [bird caws] ♪ “oh, come on!” this summer's hottest blockbuster isn't a movie. it's a spicy new wrap from jimmy john's starring ghost pepper cheese. and introducing firecracker chips. the reviews are in. this summer. it's gonna be a hot one. jimmy john's new firecracker wrap. sometimes jonah wrestles with falling asleep... ...so he takes zzzquil. the world's #1 sleep aid brand. and wakes up feeling like himself. get the rest to be your best with non-habit forming zzzquil. ♪ ♪ from pep in their step to shine in their coats, when people switch their dog's food to the farmer's dog, the effects can seem like magic. but there's no magic involved. (dog bark) it's just smarter, healthier pet food. it's amazing what real food can do.

oh, my leaffilter? i just scheduled an appointment online and the inspection was a breeze. they explained everything. leaffilter's technology protects your gutters for good! now my home is protected. call 833 leaffilter or visit leaffilter.com ♪ ♪ yeah i'm up on a cloud ain't coming back down ♪ first you hear it. then you feel it. ♪ that's the crunchy, melt-in-your-mouth feeling of ritz toasted chips. ♪ i got a good good, a good feelin' ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. music from incubus is on the way. no one spins a yarn better than our next guest. he is very funny and has a new one-man show to prove it. it's called "please stop the ride." please welcome mike birbiglia. [ cheers and applause ]

♪ >> jimmy: wow! i feel like the way i'm dressed and the way you're dressed, like you've been called into the principal's office. [ laughter ] you have a show tonight, right? >> yeah, yeah. i'm part of the "netflix is a joke" festival. i was with you and jon stewart at the greek the other night. >> jimmy: that was very fun. >> unbelievable. >> jimmy: you were so funny. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: and everybody was super funny. >> silverman, it was an incredible lineup. i'm doing my new show. my new tour is called "please stop the ride." >> jimmy: how many pun-man shows is this? >> this is my sixth. thank god for jokes. the new one and the last one on netflix was called "the old man and the pool." >> jimmy: and each one kind of summarizes, but captures a two or three-year period of your life? >> yeah.

i work on them for a few years. and my current kind of fascination is my daughter just turned 9 last week. and it's that moment where you realize that you have to answer a lot of questions as a parent. [ laughter ] and i don't have a lot of the answers. >> jimmy: i love it. i love seeing your shows. >> thank. >> they're really fantastic. the last one was fantastic. "the old man and the pool" was the last one. >> "the old man and the pool." >> jimmy: you will work the show out, put the show on, move the show to broadway, put the show on netflix, and then you go to the next thing, right? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and yet, i think we have -- what do we have here? tell us what we're seeing here? >> oh my god, this is amazing. okay. people aren't going to believe this. it seems like i'm just making this up. someone performed my show, which was called "the new one" in mexico in spanish. and that's the poster for it. [ laughter ]

it was a guy name plutarco hazah. it's called "the new one" here, but he called it -- [ speaking in spanish ] "i'm going to be a dad." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you work with him on this? >> i was not involved. i was not involved or consulted. my wife jenny, whose poems, she is a wonderful poet, her poems are in the show. the new one. >> jimmy: right. >> she got served an ad for that show in her instagram. she goes, that looks familiar, because this is my poster. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that does look familiar. >> so then she says to me, have you seen this? were you involved? and i go, no. so i reached out to the guy over instagram, plutarco, and we jumped on a zoom, and he was really, really nice. >> jimmy: what did you say to him? >> "hey, i'm totally open to you performing this, but maybe put my name somewhere in it, say i wrote it" you know. >> jimmy: yeah? [ laughter ] >> because i think people maybe

thought it was his life. >> jimmy: is he doing your life? >> he is doing my life. [ laughter ] it's like the ultimate identity theft. [ laughter ] it's like he didn't steal my credit card numbers. he stole all of the details and the emotions that i've ever felt. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: has your daughter met her mexican daddy? [ laughter ] >> well, we all -- we all have a doppelganger in mexico. and if you don't know yours, visit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> you should find out. no, no, she knows nothing about this, of course. and it's completely strange. so now -- people have been saying this to me for years. samuel french, they publish plays. they reached out the me, we would like to publish your plays. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> yes. "the old man and the pool" is going to be published with samuel french. [ cheers and applause ] again, that's real. and anywhere in the world, high schools, colleges, they can do

monologues. >> jimmy: samuel french, samuel spanish. [ laughter ] you can do all the languages. >> iceland. >> jimmy: last time you were here in town in l.a., you and i had said, hey, can we go to dinner? and i said yes. we're going to have a mystery guest. and i got a real thrill out of tormenting you with who this mystery guest might be. who -- i never asked you who you imagined the mystery guest might be. >> you built it up so much that i thought it was barack obama. [ laughter ] you were like, "it's someone really big." >> jimmy: that is true? >> literally i'm like, who is this going to be? and then it was one of my comedy heroes, martin short, who i never met. [ cheers and applause ] and absolute -- i mean, come on. >> jimmy: i mean, yeah. >> and i always feel -- >> jimmy: did i oversell martin short? >> no, no, no. but i have to say, even now, i'm self-conscious about everything i said that night. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah, i second-guess, should i even be talking? shouldn't it just be you two talking? and i listen? >> jimmy: because you had like

s.e.a.l. team 6 questions prepared, obama administration health care questions whatnot? [ laughter ] >> i don't view myself as being in show business. so when people introduce me to these behemoths of show business entertainment, i get -- it's wild. like a couple of years ago, larry david called me. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> which is wild to me. >> jimmy: awesome. >> because i don't even think of him as a person. [ laughter ] i think of him almost as like a mythical comedy being, like a god or something. and he calls and hey, mike, it's larry david. i really like -- my wife and i really like your specials. i just want you to know. oh my god, this is crazy. and so i go, do you want to come -- i have a podcast called "working it out." you've been a guest. countless great xhooel comedians where we work out comedy bits. i go, "would you want to come on

my podcast, working it out?" he goes," lapp lapp "what's the upside? i can only lose." [ laughter ] which i felt so honored to be rejected by larry, because that's so much of what he does on "curb" is say no to people in funny ways. so i felt like i was in my own "curb" episode. he was like, "if you come to los angeles, reach out, maybe we can get together." so this week i was coming to netflix festival, and i texted him, and i was hey, this is off chance, would you want to go to lunch? and i gave him every out, because i know he is reclusive, doesn't like socializing, all this stuff. take any out, you're tired, you're busy, literally anything. i texted them all to him. he wrote back, "thanks for the outs. i'm going to take the outs." [ laughter ] which is great. which is like the ultimate larry david thing to write. and then -- and i felt so honored to be rejected in such a funny way. but then i didn't write back,

because i was busy with family stuff, some drama with my folks. and so -- for a couple of days. and a couple of days later, he writes again, "i just realized what i wrote back to you was sort of mean-spirited, and i feel bad about it, and let's go to lunch." >> jimmy: oh. >> and then i realized that i had accidentally been passive-aggressive to my comedy idol. [ laughter ] and it worked. [ applause ] which sort of taught the wrong lesson of the whole thing. >> jimmy: mike birbiglia, "the old man and the pool" is on netflix now. [ cheers and applause ] and you can get tickets for mike's new show at birbigs.com. we'll be right back with incubus. the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico.

the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. >> jimmy: thanks to luke bryan, mike birbiglia and jon stewart. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. but first their album "morning view 23" comes out friday. here with the song "wish you

were here," incubus! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i dig my toes into the sand ♪

♪ the ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket ♪ ♪ i lean against the wind pretend that i am weightless and in this moment i am happy happy ♪ ♪ i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i lay my head onto the sand ♪ ♪ the sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it ♪

♪ i'm counting ufos i signal them with my lighter and in this moment i am happy happy ♪ ♪ i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here wish you were here ♪ ♪ ♪ the world's a roller coaster and i am not strapped in ♪ ♪ maybe i should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air saying ♪ ♪ i wish you were here i wish

you were ♪ ♪ i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here wish you were here ♪ ♪ [ cheering and applause ] ♪ this is "nightline." >> byron: tonight, diane sawyer's exclusive interview with nicole brown's sisters 30 years after her murder. >> i love you! >> it's the voice of nicole that we way ented to