time right now on jimmy kimmel, maya rudolph, have a great night. >> wonderful weekend. sleep tight, little sea lions >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- maya rudolph, jacob batalon, and music from crowded house. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. thank you.

i appreciate it. thank you, cleto. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in los angeles, california, where i don't know about you, but we are still buzzing from both the recreational cannabis and also from the verdict that was handed down so bigly and beautifully in new york city yesterday. [ cheers and applause ] our one-time commander-in-thief scored the most guilty verdicts of any president ever. [ laughter ] he went 34 and 0. [ applause ] topping the 1971-72 lakers who won 33 in a row. [ laughter ] and trump did it without wilt chamberlain or jerry west. he did it all by himself. it was a day that will be written about in history books. for those of you watching in florida, history books are things you used to have at schools -- [ laughter ]

before ron desantis was governor. the verdict was unanimous on all charges. each juror received a thank you from the judge and a hickory farms gift basket, mysteriously [ laughter ] signed "melania t." melania was not in court when the verdict was read, but she released a strong statement today, posting about how much she loves and supports her husband no matter what the outcome of the trial was -- i'm kidding, she didn't say anything. [ laughter ] she said nothing at all. yep [ cheers and applause ] she was nowhere to be found. she was probably online buying a new summer hat, i don't know. [ laughter ] there are still three other cases against trump, each for more serious crimes. this is the lowest-hanging mushroom of the group. it does feel a bit unsatisfying, given the scope of how many brazenly illegal things he's done that they would start by getting him for this. it's like if o.j. had been convicted for speeding. [ laughter ] "do you know how fast you were going in that bronco?" [ laughter ] you know, it's funny how things work in the upside-down world we live in now. everything is a win.

every one of these trumpers now wants to play this like it's a good thing, like it's great news that their candidate for president was convicted of 34 felonies. the tributes to maga teresa -- [ laughter ] from flowing from great minds like this gentleman who proclaimed, "today was our george floyd moment." [ audience moaning ] is that good? and at one point into asking a.i. to generate an image of donald trump in cornrows do you say to yourself, "i should probably get back to work"? [ laughter ] here's another one from trump's longtime adviser and fellow felon, roger stone. "the only thing trump is guilty of is being the greatest president since abraham lincoln." oh, and 34 felonies. [ laughter ] but not every trump fan was looking for a fight. some, like this guy outside a court in new york, expressed hope that we can come together to get past this. >> not guilty, not guilty! >> i hope this whole country

doesn't burn down. i hope that we can find a way to love each other and to make right this [ bleep ], this -- this prostitution. go [ bleep ] yourself and your mother! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. well, that didn't last long. [ applause ] in new york, that's an affectionate term. and then we have our leaders in the gop who could not care less about americans and how important it is that we have faith in our legal system. they know trump is guilty. they don't even like trump. but they're so scared of him. ted cruz was on our show back in 2016. he said this on television, "if i were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw donald in the backup camera, i'm not confident which pedal i'd push." [ laughter ] okay? but that primal urge to run trump over didn't stop sweaty teddy and all the other pathetic sycophants jockeying for lip space on his big, pimply ass -- [ laughter ] from pretending to be outraged

by this outrageous attack on their beloved baron von shitzenpants. >> an absolute sham trial. when people ask me, what the hell is going on in your country? i'm ashamed. this is the most outrageous travesty ever seen. >> hey, james comer. how about you subpoena judge merchan and his daughter. get to the bottom of this sham trial. >> this is a shameful political stunt perpetrated by joe biden. >> unbelievable. un-frickin'-believable. we, the people, stand with donald trump. >> this will be reversed on appeal. we're doing a special podcast tonight to break it all down. >> jimmy: oh, we won't want to miss that. [ laughter ] if you believe donald trump has been victimized, subscribe to ted cruz's podcast now. [ laughter ] what a snail. and then we heard from maga theresa himself. he held a doozy of a press conference this morning at trump tower. he took no questions at the press conference.

instead, he rambled like the drunken best man at a wedding you know isn't going to work. >> this is a case where, if they can do this to me, they can do this to anyone. >> jimmy: do what? your hair? [ laughter ] you should get your lawyers on whoever did that to you. but in a way, he's right. they can do this to anyone. they can do this to anyone who cheats on his wife with a porn star, then falsifies business records to keep her quiet so he can win a presidential election. congratulations. you finally understand what you were charged with. [ applause ] and then he shifted into complete nonsense mode. >> they want to raise your taxes by four times. they want to stop you from having cars. >> jimmy: that's right. [ laughter ] it's going to be like "the flintstones," folks. [ laughter ] you'll have to use your own feet to go places. but go on, donald. >> the judge allowed them to go into everything i was ever involved in, in the this case,

everything that i was ever involved in. which is a first. in other words, you could go into every single thing that i ever did. was he a bad boy here, was he a bad boy there? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, yes. quote diddy, good move right now. [ laughter ] bad boy for life. and then he went back to the biggest lie of all, one that i can't imagine even his most hardcore supporters believe, his preposterous claim that there was no interlude with stormy daniels at all. >> they were able to use sa slash salacious -- by the way, nothing ever happened. there was no anything. nothing ever happened, and they know it. >> jimmy: yeah, right, she made the whole thing up. you know what she did, stormy daniels. she went back in time, snuck into his hotel room, took off her clothes and slipped in underneath him while he was napping to prevent him from one day being president. it's diabolical. [ laughter ] this woman, i'm going to tell

you something, she's an evil genius. >> hush money, hush money. it's not hush money, it's called a nondisclosure agreement. so it's not hush money, it's a nondisclosure agreement, totally legal, totally common. everyone has it. >> jimmy: that's right. [ laughter ] you guys have them, right? everyone has them. my grandmother had dozens of them. she'd give them out for halloween. that's like saying everyone has a bentley. everyone has -- "gilligan's island," gilligan got hit on the head with a coconut? he'd act crazy for 20 minutes? >> at mcdonald's, you had a man hitting them up with machetes. i ended the russian pipeline. it was dead. begging venezuela for oil. the congo has just released a lot of people from jail. congo, africa. our kids can't have a little

league game anymore. migrants are living in luxury hotels. and i grabbed them around the neck, and he rebuffed me. then i went to the other guy, who i think is a black belt in karate. they're a black belt in karate, they know how to get somebody from around their neck. i'm wired in such a way a lot of people would have gone away a long time ago. oh, we're going to fight. it's actually -- i don't know. thank you very much, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's interesting that he chose to play the insanity card after the trial. he's got so many screws loose, boeing might have to issue a recall. [ laughter ] now that the trial is over comes the sad part. the goodbyes. trump's attorney todd blanche, who is definitely not getting paid, by the way -- [ laughter ] this man was forced to take the opposite of a victory lap on cable news last night. blanche said trump himself helped to direct his defense strategy. which explains why it worked so well. [ laughter ] it was blanche's idea to not put trump on the witness stand, and

it was trump's idea to sleep and fart through the trial. [ laughter ] i get a kick out of todd blanche. he would just stand there, scowling, while trump yelled. wouldn't say anything. he always looked like a guy waiting outside a bathroom stall who really has to go. [ laughter ] who would hire a lawyer named todd? i mean no offense, but we have a dog named todd. i wouldn't hire him as my -- and with the trial now behind us, we put together a short video to honor both todds. >> it's a disgrace to the new york state and city court system. and all of the cases are, frankly, all of them. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: poor mike pence must be so jealous of him now. trump is scheduled to be sentenced on july 11th, which is four days before the republican national convention. also free slurpee day at 7-eleven, which should clear him up. [ laughter ] it's weird that as a convicted felon, probably the only job donald trump could get right now is president of the united states. [ laughter ] his team is milking his legal troubles for all they are worth. his campaign claims they raked in a little more than $34 million yesterday in donations. a million per felony. [ laughter ] had he known that, he would have commit the more of them. trump's people are also working to make sure he's the only one who makes money off this. his campaign manager, a guy,

chris lacivita, issued this warning to candidates who try to jump on the bandit-wagon. [ laughter ] he wrote -- "any republican elected official, candidate or party committee siphoning money from president trump's donors are no better than judge merchan's daughter. we're keeping a list, we'll be checking it twice, and we aren't in the spirit of christmas." [ laughter ] the only person who is allowed to cheat trump's supporters out of their lotto ticket money is donald j. trump himself. "go out and commit your own felonies." [ laughter ] i have to say i'm surprised about the spirit of christmas thing. chris lacivita, he looks like if santa claus got queer eye'd. they are so shameless. on fox news, this is incredible. see if you can follow the thinking here. >> joe biden shamefully is fund-raising off the political persecution of his opponent. that tells you everything you need to know about the current regime in power. support president trump.

stand on the side of democracy. >> jimmy: the and worst part is, she has no idea she said anything weird. [ laughter ] they're too stupid to be hypocrites. [ laughter ] at the white house today, president biden had taylor swift's boyfriend, travis kelce, and the rest of the super bowl champion kansas city chiefs. they gave him a helmet, which he, for some reason, decided to put on. and now he cannot get it off. [ laughter ] going to have to bury him in that thing. he did weigh in on the legal follies today, explaining in very plain terms that the trial was fair and that his opponent will be afforded every opportunity to appeal that's given to every defendant in every court of law. >> after careful deliberation, the jury reached a unanimous verdict. they found donald trump guilty on all 34 felony counts. now he'll be getting the opportunity, as he should, to appeal that decision, as everyone else has that

opportunity. that's how the american system of justice works. and it's reckless. it's dangerous. it's irresponsible for anyone to say this was rigged just because they don't like the verdict. >> jimmy: you know, i didn't know i spoke sign language, but i guess i do. [ cheers and applause ] trump is headed home to his golf house in bedminster for the weekend, then goes out on a big fundraising tour where he will share his message of doom and gloom under anyone but him. you know, back in 2020, he made a lot of dark predictions for what america will be like if joe biden was elected. and it turns out he's much better at losing fortunes than telling them. >> biden's plan will destroy 5 million jobs. >> 353,000 jobs added in the first month of the year, what a blowout report. >> your 401(k)s and money itself will be worthless. >> you might have noticed in the corner of your screen here, the dow has never been higher than

this. >> if biden wins, there will be no fracking, no oil. >> the united states is producing more oil than any country ever in history. >> bankrupt your social security system -- >> senior citizens set to see a big bump in their social security tax. >> you'll be locked out for years. >> the covid-19 public health emergency in this country officially ending at midnight tonight. >> if biden won, china would own the united states. >> trade deficit with china was up under donald trump, under biden, it's finally coming down. >> no school, no graduations, no weddings. >> marriages are back to prepandemic levels. >> no thanksgiving. >> happy thanksgiving. >> no easters. >> happy easter. >> no christmases. >> merry christmas, america. >> no fourth of july. >> happy fourth of july, america. >> other than that, you could have a wonderful life. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we've got a fun show tonight. jacob batalon is here. we have music from crowded house. and we'll be right back with

maya rudolph!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. tonight, a young man you know as spider-man's funny friend. now you can see him playing a funny bloodsucker in "reginald the vampire," jacob batalon is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then, a great band from australia. their new album "gravity stairs" just came out today. crowded house from the don julio stage. [ cheers and applause ] next week, we've got new shows with larry david, magic johnson, cyndi lauper, jo koy, ms. pat, abby elliot, albert brooks, rob reiner. vice president kamala harris will be here. we'll have music from doechii, jt, feist and gaby moreno.

so join us for all that. our first guest is a hugely talented person with five emmys and a closetful of award-winning wigs to prove it. her latest project is called "loot." you can watch it on apple tv plus. please welcome maya rudolph. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i hope it wasn't too much, maya. you know, sometimes people come out here, then they're from a different country, they expect -- >> i went for the double kiss. >> jimmy: i thought i initiated it. >> of course, we're from l.a. >> jimmy: i thought, oh-oh, maybe i kissed too many time. >> i love a double kiss. >> jimmy: thank you, i enjoy the it as well. do you remember where you were on the day you heard that donald trump had been convicted -- [ laughter ]

>> yeah. >> jimmy: -- of 34 felonies? >> don't we all? >> jimmy: i remember vaguely. >> i will tell you where i was. and this sounds like something that's great for a talk show, but it's the truth. i was at my daughter's eighth grade mock trial at a courthouse. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at a real courthouse? >> that's right. i was in a real courthouse. [ laughter ] and somebody's grandparent was there, and their phone was like -- ♪ do do do do do do ♪ like something went off. then people started getting a little buzzy and excited. then my phone started going crazy. and i heard -- i looked at my phone, it said, "bye, bitch." [ laughter ] what's happening? then one said, "felon von shitzenpants." [ laughter ] and i was like, okay. i got all these beautiful, glorious texts. >> jimmy: while the fake trial was happening? >> while the fake trial was -- >> jimmy: while another rigged trial was going on? >> that's right. >> jimmy: what was the trial? >> it was a made-up trial.

my daughter was -- was a police chief. >> jimmy: oh, nice. >> so she was -- she was talking about the murder. and then the murderer was found not guilty. which is really funny, because it was a real judge and the real judge said, the verdict was not guilty, i think you did it. [ laughter ] it's like, i wonder if they do that for real in real cases. "you're not guilty, i think you did it." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's a lot we don't know. i think every time there's one of these high-profile cases we go, oh, that's how it works? we think we know how it works because of tv. >> no, no, no. that's something we should not believe. [ laughter ] but like, i will say -- i don't know if you've been in courthouses that often. >> jimmy: not really. >> but i have not as well. and they make me very nervous. i felt like i was in trouble a lot. >> jimmy: i can see that. you have to go through the metal detectors, right? >> yeah, even at the airport, you give them your bag, "i

didn't do it." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah when you're driving, there's a police officer, you're like, i am going within the speed limit, yet i'm going to slow down a little more. >> i feel like my weed -- my weed. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what? >> i was going to say," trump is filled with weed." >> jimmy: i think we got to the root of our paranoia. [ laughter ] you know, we had yesterday, and i was wondering what your perspective on this was. we had a whole monologue planned, then in the afternoon -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- the verdict was -- it was a surprise -- >> i thought of you immediately. >> jimmy: we're like, "okay, this goes in the garbage, we have to start again." >> did you like that? >> jimmy: i kind of love it. it makes you feel like you're a journalist, like a newspaper reporter or something. >> oh, yeah. by the way, watching you talk about it is so delicious. [ laughter ] it really is. [ cheers and applause ] it's very -- it's very cathartic. >> jimmy: when you were on

"saturday night live" as a regular, did you have that happen frequently? where you -- something would happen in the day time? >> there were times. when it happened, actually, was when i came back to play vice president kamala harris. we were doing a lot of those election shows. you can clap if you want. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she's going to be here on tuesday. this is good practice. >> the one guy was like -- but it was funny because remember the election was so fraught. >> jimmy: yeah, it was. >> somebody -- someone was beam a real drama queen. like, extended it for a while. anyway. so -- so that went on for a while and we were kind of waiting. and we did the dress rehearsal show. and then when biden and harris gave their victory speech, she was wearing a white suit. so the costume department literally whipped me up, like, a brand 90 outfit. like to a "t" i matched. >> jimmy: amazing. >> it was amazing, it was so exciting. >> jimmy: we take for granted.

>> this is what we train for. it was really exciting. like we were truly being a part of history. >> jimmy: you did a great job on mother's day. you hosted the show on mother's day. [ cheers and applause ] i want to ask you about, you had done this once years before. you did an impression of beyonce. [ cheers ] >> that's correct. >> jimmy: does beyonce weigh in? does she know about your impression, and does she like it? >> she knows my impression, yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] she knows about my impression. >> jimmy: you know that for sure? >> yes. no, i did it over the years, there's been so many different times when she was there at the show. i can't remember if it was when she was still in destiny's child. i think she was there as a solo artist is my memory. i can't remember. because i'm getting on in years. >> jimmy: and the trunk full of weed. >> and i have that trunk filled with weed. [ laughter ] but i -- but i believe that fred

robinson wrote a prince show for me to do beyonce while she was there, but i believe she declined. at good nights you have to stand next to the person you just did an impression of. she was very sweet about it. all i said was, "i'm so sorry." it's so embarrassing. she knows that my impression is filled with love and how much i love her, but it's still embarrassing to do anything in front of the person. and she said, "no, it was good." [ laughter ] she was very -- so sweet. >> jimmy: maya rudolph is here. her show is called "loot." we'll be right back. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by tillamook. [ cellphone ringing ] phone call from the boss? sorry. outdoor time is me time. i hear that. that's why we protect all your vehicles here. but hey...nothing wrong with sticking it to the boss. ooooh, flo, you gonna take that? why would that concern me? because you're...the... aren't you the..? huh...we never actually discussed hierarchy. ok, why don't we just stick to letting dave know how much he can save when he bundles his home or auto with his boat or rv. wait, i thought jamie was the boss.

[ laughter ] it's funny because i'm not boss material! my frequent heartburn had me taking antacid after antacid all day long but with prilosec otc just one pill a day blocks heartburn for a full 24 hours. for one and done heartburn relief, prilosec otc. one pill a day, 24 hours, zero heartburn. marshalls buyers hustle for the latest trends, from fashion... double denim is back. got it! to beauty, so you don't have to. that is a deal! we get the deals, you get the good stuff. marshalls.

working can be really fun. plus you get to wear cute little outfits and carry a bind tore the kitchen while looking for a snack. watch it. business, business, business, business. meeting, memo, phone. meeting, memo, phone. hey, girl. walking backwards, backwards, business, business, backwards, business. oh gosh. oh -- there he is. >> jimmy: that is maya rudolph. the show is "loot" on apple tv plus. you play a billionaire. >> yes. >> jimmy: which seems like a fun thing to play, a billionaire. >> so fun. you get to pretend you're super-rich and you can do anything. it's like having a little magic genie. >> jimmy: it is, really. >> rub a lamp. >> jimmy: yeah, the genie -- the genie fairytale is always so

appealing. >> like what would you do with billions upon billions of dollars? >> jimmy: right. >> anything, right? >> jimmy: you could do literally anything. >> what would you -- you do? >> jimmy: what would i do? >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, i don't know. i'd buy -- probably buy disneyland, and guillermo and i would live there and not let any of the kids in. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah perfect. i would like that. just ride the matterhorn over and over. >> jimmy: up in sleeping beauty's castle, just looking around menacingly. you are in a band. and this was a -- you did an event, i know, at netflix's -- this is not joking. >> it's not a joke. >> jimmy: i know you have a great voice. you're in a prince cover band called -- >> princess. >> jimmy: princess. [ applause ] all-female band? >> well, my friend gretchen and i are the singers, and we're females. >> jimmy: and you do the whole prince catalog? >> we just do whatever we want. we started doing it -- i

remember it was after i had my son, it's been like 13 years. and, you know, we love prince so much. we were in a band together in college. it was one of the many things that we had in common was this insane knowledge of prince songs. and we knew we could sing them. backwards part to "darling nicky" in our sleep. after i left "snl," "we should start a prince cover band and call it princess." and we did. we started doing the songs that we like. at the time, prince wasn't really doing a lot of his early stuff because it was kind of dirty. he stopped doing his dirty catalog. >> jimmy: right, he had kind of a religious -- >> yeah, yeah. we just did the early stuff that we grew up with and we loved. >> jimmy: which songs do you do? >> stuff from "dirty mind." "darling nicky" is quite dirty. "head" is very dirty. there's a lot of dirty. >> jimmy: all prince or other

artists as well? >> prince and prince-related things. then we started this tradition where we do a mehdi. prince did this wonderful thing where he had great command of his band. kind of a james brown thing. he would stop on the one and then he'd make you think that he was done, then he'd come back. and so we started a medley where we started just injecting '80s tv theme songs. >> jimmy: oh. >> so, you know, like "golden girls." "family ties." "cheers." stuff like that. it's really fun. >> jimmy: will you do the -- do the whole songs? >> well, the songs -- you know, the theme songs are short. you know. "cheers" is pretty short. >> jimmy: you do "cheers"? >> "cheers," yeah. commercials from the '80s. >> jimmy: do they flow into each other? >> yeah. well, we stop, then we start again. we stop, we start again. it's a 15-minute-long song. >> jimmy: are they related to each other? >> no, no, no. they're just stupid, fun songs.

but i think they're the songs that we -- that are in our brains. >> jimmy: oh, yes, they are. >> from being children. like the shasta cola theme song. or the manche theme ♪ don't give me that so-so soda the same cola ♪ ♪ i want a rock pop pop i want a shasta ♪ remember? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> do you remember that? >> jimmy: i do remember. i didn't realize i remember but i totally remember. >> yeah, remember all that stuff? there's so much data from the 1980s stuck in here. >> jimmy: i realize my head is full. i can't -- there's nothing, there's no room left. >> it's just '80s commercials and weed, right? [ laughter ] right here. >> jimmy: well, your show is very funny. it's called "loot." it's on apple tv plus right now. maya rudolph, everybody. thank you, mayan. we'll be pack with jacob b

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: music from crowded house is on the way. you know our next guest from five marvel movies. now, he becomes the undead with his new show "reginald the vampire." season two airs wednesday nights on syfy. please welcome jacob batalon. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> all right, yeah. >> jimmy: look at you? very dr. dre tonight. >> oh, appreciate you. i'm trying to pull off rapper vibe. >> jimmy: i like it. >> i'm vibing out like that. >> jimmy: you are vibing out. i remember the first time you were here. you were in "spider-man: homecoming."

>> yeah. >> jimmy: you'd never really done anything before. suddenly you would thrust into this huge world of marvel comics. >> it was really crazy. honestly, jimmy, thank you for giving me first shot. and i just wanted -- >> jimmy: yes, and also -- >> i thought for just a hot second that you were mad at me. because i did the other jimmy show. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] you thought i was mad at you for this? >> i thought you were mad at me because i chose the other -- >> jimmy: i'm not even sure which one of us is which. [ laughter ] >> i swear to got, i thought it was jimmy kimmel, i swear to god. >> jimmy: yeah, that happens to us a lot. it's a very, very common -- i don't mind it at all. but -- so the last time -- i want to ask you a couple of spider-man things. >> sure. >> jimmy: i know it's enough already. i love spider-man. ned, doctor strange, put a spell on everybody so they didn't remember who peter parker is. that's how we left it. >> yes. >> jimmy: is there a plan now? i know you can't say anything,

but -- say something. [ laughter ] tell us, what will happen? >> coming out with the big guns, jimmy. >> jimmy: do you know that there's at least a plan to make a movie? >> you know, i think with anyone who works on big movies know, you kind of wait around for a call that might happen. you're kind of on the toilet one day. [ laughter ] you just get a call from a studio head or your agent or someone. they tell you the news. and you hopefully -- they don't know that you're taking a crazy, crazy [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] that's sort of how that goes. in between the hours of -- >> jimmy: you don't tell them that? >> no, hopefully they don't hear it happening, no. it usually happens between the hours of, i don't know, 9:30 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. pacific standard time. that's when everything's open out here. >> jimmy: have you considered maybe getting more raisin bran into your diet? [ laughter ] >> i definitely need more fiber. that's definitely the one. >> jimmy: you took a picture that is a classic photograph. >> oh, yes.

>> jimmy: this is a photograph from the set of "spider-man: no way home." >> yes. >> jimmy: this is the moment -- tell us. >> yeah. whoo. gosh. it still scares me looking at it now. i feel like i might get fired. >> jimmy: andrew garfield, tobey maguire, tom holland. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: these guys do not know you're taking -- >> no, t.h. definitely knew. he was all giddy and happy. zendaya and i were really there for moral support. and zendaya was adamant i shouldn't be taking this picture. >> jimmy: right. >> i said, you only live once. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and the only one that seems to have any spidey sense is tom. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: the other two, i don't know, looks like toby's shooting webs at andrew. >> he was explaining the moralistic reasons of being spider-man. >> jimmy: was he really? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now you're playing a vampire named reginald.

>> yes. >> jimmy: there aren't many vampires named reginald. >> no, definitely not. they definitely don't look like me either. that's fun. >> jimmy: that's a good time. >> there's a lot of blood. >> jimmy: is there? >> it gets in really interesting places on your body. >> jimmy: oh, right. what do they use for fake blood? i assume it's fake blood. >> yeah, they try to use fake blood. but -- there's like a few. there's corn syrup that you put in your mouth. rose water as well. this other one that's a little not safe to put in your mouth. you make sure not to do that. >> jimmy: when you say not safe, what would happen if you put it in your mouth? >> you'd probably have explosive diarrhea. >> jimmy: maybe get another spider-man movie? [ laughter ] >> yeah, i'm saying that's the one. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i know you won't have the answers. why would they even use that one? what's wrong with the corn syrup? >> to just make it look a bit more crazy. sometimes the corn syrup gets too sticky and we get complacent

as actors. >> jimmy: i see. splashier? >> splashier, not sticky. >> jimmy: are you a person who is interested in supernatural monster-type things like vampires? >> i grew up a lot with that with my family. my mom used this filipino demon monster to kind of scare me before. it's called the it kind of eats all your livestock. we watched a movie about it when i was 8 years old. >> jimmy: like the chupacabra. >> basically, yeah. i didn't want to go to church the next day. she basically scared with me that into making me go to church. >> jimmy: how? >> "if you don't come to church with me tomorrow, the is going to come eat all your goats." "mom, we don't have any goats." she scared me into going to

church, and here i am now. >> jimmy: you've got dozens and dozens of goats as a result of that. i've never heard of aufswang. >> a really good thing. >> jimmy: is that something you will teach your kids? >> you know -- >> jimmy: to use against them? >> maybe not use against them. i would hope that they learn to be more responsible than me. i was a very, very wild child. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. as in, like, i would run around during church and spit out the wine and chew up all the -- like the bread of christ. >> jimmy: you would -- yeah you're not supposed to do that. >> no, no, apparently you're not supposed to. >> jimmy: yeah, no, for sure not supposed to. it's good to see you. congratulations on the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: "reginald the vampire." new episodes wednesday nights at 10:00 on syfy. jacob bat that loan, everybody. we'll be back with crowded house. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico.

>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico.

>> jimmy: that was fun. thanks to maya rudolph and jacob batalon. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, their album "gravity stairs" is out now. here with the song "teenage summer," crowded house. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ is it real or a fiction of your mind am i gone in a fraction of your time ♪ ♪ you mistake my real intentions once again want to be near you wanted to hear you ♪ ♪ my words alight like paper drifting in the sky not enough to be a witness of your life ♪ ♪ when all along i was hoping we would come of age walking around you want to surround you ♪ ♪ but i can't

get close enough can't get close enough ♪ ♪ wanted to find you wanted to break through life's imitation i've been away too much ♪ ♪ i've been locking it away too much i'm here tonight and i'm gone again ♪ ♪ baby come on come on wanted to hear you da-dah da-dah ♪ ♪ want to be near you but i can't get close enough da-dah da-dah ♪ ♪ i can't get close enough want to surround you want to be near you da-dah da-dah ♪ ♪ but i can't get close enough

wanted to be near you wanted to care for you ♪ ♪ but i can't get close enough wanted to break through ♪ ♪ life's imitation i've been away too much i've been locking it away too much ♪ ♪ i'm gonna call you life's imitation blue heaven ♪ ♪ are we gonna have some teenage summer are we gonna have some mad new year ♪ ♪ are we gonna have some teenage summer am i gonna have some mad idea ♪ ♪ da-dah da-dah

da-dah da-dah da-dah da-dah da-dah da-dah ♪ ♪ da-dah da-dah da-dah da-dah da-dah da-dah da-dah da-dah ♪ ♪ are we gonna have some teenage summer ♪ ♪ am i gonna have some mad idea ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> juju: tonight, checking in with gypsy rose blanchard. her new look, new life, and new man with millions watching her every move. >> they want a perfect victim, and there is no such thing as a perfect victim. >> juju: five months after being released from prison for her role in her abusive mother's brutal mother. >> i don't hate her. i don't resent her. >> juju: opening