fire tv never forget roku. download the app now and start streaming. all right. thank you so much for watching. i am ama daetz and i'm dan ashley for sandhya patel, larry beil, all of us. >> we appreciate your time as always right now on jimmy kimmel with guest host anthony anderson howie mandel hav >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" with guest host, anthony anderson. tonight --

howie mandel, roy wood jr., and music from the decemberists. with cleto and the cletones. and now, anthony anderson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> anthony: all right! all right! yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! [ cheers and applause ] i see you! all right, sit down. let's calm down. we've got a show to do tonight. welcome to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm your guest host, anthony anderson. [ cheers and applause ] i want you to keep it going, because we have a lot to celebrate tonight. just next door at the "el capitan theater" the emmy

nominations were announced this morning. the most nominated shows this year are "shogun" and "the bear." "the bear" now holds the record for most nominations of a comedy that's not actually a comedy. [ laughter ] but the big news is that "jimmy kimmel live" was nominated for outstanding talk series. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. i've hosted the show for three nights, and we got nominated for a [ bleep ] emmy! [ cheers and applause ] that's some serious star power right there! the show is up for an emmy and so is our director, andy fisher. andy, cut away to yourself. [ cheers and applause ] and congratulations to jimmy's writers who are nominated for their work on the oscars. [ cheers and applause ]

i'd mention them individually, but i don't know any of their [ bleep ] names. [ laughter ] guillermo, can you name any of the writers on the show? >> guillermo: danny, josh, gary, tony, durell, craig -- >> you've only got ten more. >> guillermo: ten more, did i already say durell already? >> anthony: no worries. congratulations to all the emmy nominees. [ cheers and applause ] hopefully the huge hole in the center of your soul is just a little smaller today. [ laughter ] donald trump didn't get nominated for an emmy, but he did get nominated for president at the republican national convention. last night, trump got a vote of confidence from the former governor of south carolina, nikki haley. >> we can't win if donald trump is the nominee. [ laughter ] >> anthony: oops, my bad. that was the wrong clip. [ laughter ] that was from five months ago. this is what she said last

night. >> i'll start by making one thing perfectly clear. donald trump has my strong endorsement, period. >> anthony: and let me make one thing perfectly clear. you are a total sell-out with no spine. period. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] they don't just have speeches at the rnc, they also have entertainment too. you know in past years, the democratic national convention has reached artists like billie eilish, john legend, and katy perry. but at the rnc last night they had a cover band, and whatever this is. ♪ ♪ yeah it's the mayor of magaville baby ♪ ♪ you know who we gonna vote we

voting donald trump baby ♪ ♪ donald trump baby ♪ ♪ america needs saving america needs saving ♪ ♪ vetting trump trump baby trump trump baby ♪ [ laughter ] >> anthony: haven't donald trump's ears been through enough, though? [ laughter and applause ] but i'm looking forward to all the maga rap groups performing this week. run rnc -- [ laughter ] assault and peppa -- [ laughter ] bone spurs and harmony -- [ laughter ] cypress hillary's emails -- [ laughter ] oh, and here's my favorite -- the wu-klux-klan! [ laughter and applause ] that wasn't the only tribute to trump last night. a lot of people wore bandages over their ears. out of solidarity. and stupidity. [ laughter ] these are the same folks who wouldn't put a piece of cloth on

their face during covid, because they thought it looked ridiculous. [ laughter ] and for all the other fascists, oop, i mean -- fashionistas in the republican party -- [ laughter ] remember when donald trump sold those $400 gold sneakers? well, now trump's got a new shoe with the image of him pumping his fist after the attack on saturday. there they are, "the ear jordans." [ laughter ] they go for $299 a pair. can you imagine if barack obama had sold $300 sneakers? well, i could. and they would have been dope as hell. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] okay. okay, enough politics. today also happens to be world emoji day. i have to say, i'm very smiley face with heart eyes, praying

hands, and fried shrimp about it. [ laughter ] we didn't have emojis when i was growing up. if i wanted a booty call, i had to mail an actual eggplant to girls through fed ex. [ laughter ] while we're on the subject of loving, this is something i found to be of personal interest. according to a new study, men with beards make more stable romantic partners than clean-shaven men. the study comes from the latest issue of "beard zaddy monthly." [ laughter ] [ applause ] of course, men with beards are stable romantic partners, it's why you never hear mrs. claus complaining about santa not giving her that jolly old peppermint [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] when santa says "ho ho ho" he's talking about his wife. [ laughter ] another round of applause for those nominated writers we have here at the "jimmy kimmel live"

show. [ cheers and applause ] and one more thing, i brought something special for you all tonight. i've been acting for a very long time, and i've been lucky enough to appear in countless movies and tv shows. but i thought you might like watching my very first acting gig. do you want to see it? [ cheers and applause ] yeah. i thought you would. back in the '90s, i was cast in an employee in a training video for a supermarket. to help show them how to interact with customers. and i present it to you now. enjoy. ♪ customers first ♪ ♪ customers first ♪ >> as a jewel supermarket cashier, remember that the customer always comes first. when someone enters your lane, greet them in a friendly manner, like this. >> hi. how you doing today?

hi, did you find everything you need today? >> oh, i see you picked one of my favorites here. >> not like this. >> you sure your broken ass can afford all this? >> are you ticklish? you look tishlish. >> or this. >> legally, i'm obligated to tell you i have hepatitis. >> whenever a customer asks you a question, do everything you can to be helpful. like this. >> excuse me. i couldn't find the bean sprouts. could you help me? >> would you like fresh or canned bean sprouts? >> never say this. >> excuse me. i couldn't find the cucumbers. could you help me? >> first i need to know, are you going to eat them? or are you going to shove them up your ass? >> or this. >> excuse me, i couldn't find the bread. >> oh, what kind? >> white bread. >> you racist bitch. >> if a customer has a dispute, handle it in a professional manner. >> wait a minute. that's not the sale price. it's supposed to be $2.49. >> let me call to verify the

price. >> don't handle it like this. >> excuse me, the pasta's supposed to be 49 cents, not 99 cents. >> that's what they call the bitch tax, so you must be a bitch. >> and if a customer needs a little extra help, go above and beyond. like this. >> excuse me, ma'am. let me help you. i'll take these bags to your car for you. >> oh, that would be great, thank you. >> and definitely not like this. >> would you help me out to the car with my bags? >> heh, not my fault your hands are full of babies. >> yeah, you never heard of condoms, lady? >> and never, ever ignore a customer. >> excuse me. does this contain nuts? >> you would -- no, man, i have a time machine, i'd go back to the 1880s. >> yeah, bill kaeb hitler, right? >> no, i'd go back to before hitler was born, [ bleep ] his mama. >> you'd be hitler's dad. >> excuse me? >> he wouldn't be baby hitler, he'd be baby ray ray.

>> you wouldn't have stopped hitler. >> does this contain nuts? >> it's granola, mother [ bleep ], of course it contains nuts! ♪ customers first ♪ >> butting customers first will make you a gold-star cashier. >> i'm going to burn this place to the ground. ♪ customers first ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> anthony: we have a very good show for you tonight, roy wood jr. is here, we've got music from the decemberists, and we'll be right back with howie mandel.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> anthony: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live!," i'm anthony anderson. tonight, you can see him live on

his "one night only: over the course of multiple nights" tour, the hilarious roy wood jr. is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later -- from portland oregon, this is their ninth album called, "as it ever was, so it will be again." music from the decemberists. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, my guests will be ken jeong and chef kevin bludso, with music from remi wolf. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is a tirelessly funny man. he's a judge on "america's got talent," co-hosts two podcasts, "howie mandel does stuff" and "when a stranger calls." performs stand-up all over the country and livens up any talk show. i'm tired just talking about this mother [ bleep ]. please welcome howie mandel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> you, you are doing a great job. i've been watching you the last couple of nights. you are very good. >> anthony: i appreciate that. >> but who am i to judge? there you go, you're doing good. it's great to see cleo and your dad. i worked with his dad 40 years ago. >> anthony: really? >> i husbanded to work as caesars. i was diana ross' opening act. >> anthony: wow. >> i worked with him, right? >> cleto: sure did, howie. >> it's great to see, you haven't aged -- i just found my hairline, it's on him. [ laughter ] >> cleto: thanked. >> anthony: speaking of age, you look good. how old are you now? >> i'm 68. >> anthony: 68. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> anthony: 68! >> 68. >> anthony: okay. >> 68. i mean, i look good.

i'm not allowed to do the stuff that i did when i was younger. i'm not allowed -- like, you can't -- can i just say something? >> anthony: say it. >> how old are you now? how old are you now? >> cleto: 81 years old. >> wow. [ cheers and applause ] him and mick jagger, same. [ laughter ] i find that as you get older, even if you want to do things, you're not allowed to do things. you find that? like i -- can i stand up for a second? >> anthony: stand up. >> i'm not allowed -- if i'm excited about something, and i'm excited about being here, i'm not -- you can't -- you can't -- [ laughter ] i'm not trying to be funny. [ laughter ] if you say to like a 5-year-old, "i'm going to take you to disneyland." and they go, oh! [ laughter ] >> anthony: right, right, right, right. >> and they're just happy, nobody complains. but when you're 68. >> anthony: yes. >> no matter how -- you can't go, oh, i got a coupon for 20% off of metamucil! [ laughter ]

i can't -- i can't -- [ applause ] >> anthony: a coupon off from metamucil? >> no matter how excited i am, i can't do it. that's fun getting up. made me feel like a kid again. [ laughter ] i remember, it brought back so many memories of being young. >> anthony: speaking of kids and young -- >> are you pointing at me? >> anthony: yeah, i'm pointing at me. how is the family doing? i hear you're a grandfather again. >> again, i just had my third -- [ applause ] thank you. >> anthony: you are a very busy man at 68. >> yes. >> anthony: and twice a grandfather. what are you doing right now? >> right now i'm doing a lot of different things. i took -- i'm taking classes. years ago i was on a show, "st. elsewhere." [ applause ] elderly people in the audience. [ laughter ] i started taking some specialized acting classes. >> anthony: okay. >> i'm taking -- you're a very good actor. >> anthony: thank you. >> i am now studying overacting. >> anthony: oh. >> yes. >> anthony: oh. >> i take these classes twice a week. can i be honest with you?

they -- are -- amazing! [ applause ] these classes are phenomenal! they make me feel so, so good! [ cheers and applause ] that was all improvised. [ laughter ] >> anthony: oh, all right. >> overly improvised! [ laughter ] >> anthony: all right. so -- >> so that's what i've been doing. >> anthony: okay. >> yes. >> anthony: so how -- you grew up in toronto? >> yeah. [ cheers ] before we get into that, a question for you. >> okay. >> anthony: drake or kendrick? >> oh. i'm not getting in the middle of that. i am not -- >> anthony: come on. give it -- look -- toronto, compton? drake, or kendrick? >> you can't do that to me. you can't do that. >> anthony: okay.

>> you know -- one is canadian. and one is amazing. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] funny, when you mention toronto, it reminds me so much of my upbringing and my family. >> anthony: yeah. >> i remember my grandmother giving me -- she used to bathe me in the sink in her apartment. she would give me a little bath in the sink. i'll never forget the day my wife walked in, "what are you doing?" [ laughter ] my grandmother. likes to keep my fresh. >> anthony: yes, yes. >> it was just a little bath. >> anthony: okay. >> wasn't a huge bath. [ laughter ] >> anthony: just a little bath. so you've been doing well for so long -- >> yes, i have. it's enough already, right?

is that what you're saying? [ laughter ] >> anthony: no, i'm just interested in, you know, the type of philosophies that you live your life by. >> i don't really have a philosophy. somebody -- you hear philosophies when you're online a lot. i don't have -- somebody -- you know what somebody -- this is true. somebody said the best philosophy is to live each day as if it were your last. >> anthony: yes. >> ever heard that? >> anthony: yes, i have. >> it doesn't work. i tried it. [ laughter ] i did. i was -- i don't want to mention names. but i went to chipotle. >> anthony: okay. >> the other day. there was a lineup, there was a woman -- there was about nine people in line. and there was a woman maybe -- older than you, late 80s, 89 years old, in the line. and i -- i said to her, "is there any way that i can cut in front of you?" and she said, "no i've been standing here for half an hour." and i said to her, to this little old lady, "i'm going to

[ bleep ] die tomorrow!" [ laughter ] so i don't know if that's a great philosophy. [ laughter ] [ applause ] she didn't let me in. >> anthony: you know -- >> thank you, thank you. let them sit down. >> anthony: we've crossed paths over the years. >> yeah. >> anthony: but i've never seen you really out at these hollywood parties. >> i know. >> anthony: do you go to hollywood parties at all? >> no, i'm a germophobe. i don't go -- i've seen you out and about. i don't go to a lot of parties. i went to a -- i went -- in the last year, i've been to two -- two parties. two surprise parties. >> anthony: okay, and how was that for you? >> one was a gender reveal surprise party. and -- you just break in the house and pull down their pants. [ laughter ] one was -- the other one was a

surprise! and the other one was a surprise botox party. which is not great. because you can't tell if they're surprised. [ laughter ] or if they're having a great time. botox and surprise doesn't really go together. >> anthony: no. >> no. >> anthony: no, it does not. >> i don't go to parties, i don't like parties. i don't like parties. i like to stay at home and celebrate alone. [ laughter ] >> anthony: okay. speaking of alone, more with howie mandel after this, we'll be right back! hey! i'll give you $574 if you switch. for an ice cream? okay. so, what about $574 for switching your home insurance to allstate? tempting. but that's way too much of a hassle. actually, it's not. allstate can handle the switching for you. just call 'em. so, it's easy and i could save? and you get allstate. huh, like a cherry on top.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> anthony: welcome back. i'm here with howie mandel. >> yes, you are. >> anthony: now, in my opening to you, i mentioned that you cohost two podcasts. >> yeah, i do. "howie mandel does stuff." subscribe on youtube. with my daughter, jacqueline schultz. we do fun things. if you subscribe and push the button, it's scratch and sniff. your finger f. you subscribe, will smell for almost two weeks. [ laughter ] then i do another one which we just started, and it's blowing up, with harlan williams. you know harlan williams? >> anthony: i know harlan. >> one of the funniest guys in the world. [ applause ] harlan right there. and we wanted to work together. so it's called "when a stranger calls." we post on our -- on our -- on whatever platform we post on for

people to come in, and they zoom us. we don't know who we're talking to. we don't know -- it's when a stranger calls. we don't know who's calling, what they're calling about, and anything can happen. that drops every thursday. you can subscribe to that, and your finger won't stink. [ laughter ] i brought a clip. i got to tell you, this clip is from "when a stranger calls." it drops every thursday. a radiologist calls us. a guy that takes x-rays. >> anthony: yes. >> and he showed us stuff, he showed us, we didn't know. he showed us stuff, and this is the stuff that i can show you tonight. look at this. >> anthony: okay. >> all right. >> anthony: let's run the clip. >> i'm a radiologist by training. >> a.m. or fm? >> i don't know if you have the pictures i sent in, if those are availa available. >> oh. >> it looks like an x-ray of a pelvic girdle, and it looks like inside of the pelvic girdle, where a baby should be, there is a drinking cup or a big kazoo. >> that's a spray can of pam.

>> how the hell did it get stuck if it's pam? [ laughter ] >> he's been pam-pooed. [ applause ] >> that's just what we can show. people are calling us from funeral homes, from concerts, unhosed people are calling us. it's the weirdest. and just sitting there with harlan each and every week has been an incredible joy. >> anthony: i can imagine. >> i've been doing that. and at the same time, i'm in the midst of season 19 of "america's got talent." [ cheers and applause ] >> anthony: season 19? >> season 19 of "america's got talent." >> anthony: have you been there all 19 seasons? >> no, i was there 15 -- i was there for 15 years. >> anthony: 15 years. so you're the longest -- should be the longest-tenured judge there? >> i am the oldest and the longest-reigning judge. [ cheers ] there are -- when it comes to judging talent, there are no term limits. [ laughter ]

and this season has been -- i'm not kidding you -- has been the most amazing season yet. and you know, you say that when you're on these shows because you want to promote it. i've got to tell you, this season is the best season i've ever seen. it is the wildest, the craziest, the weirdest season yet. so do not miss "agt" tuesday nights on another network. can i say nbc? >> anthony: you can say it. or you just said it. >> nbc. but they could edit it. you don't know if they're going to edit it. will my lips say "nbc" but the voice "abc"? [ laughter ] >> anthony: possibly. >> you don't know. competitive. >> anthony: possibly. not that i want you to give anything away, but can you tell us why this season is going to be so special? >> yeah, i'm not giving anything away, i'm telling -- first of all, we have simon, our boss, simon cowell. >> anthony: yes. >> added an extra -- well, he broke a rule and each of us gets two golden buzzers. golden buzzers are our ability to see something fantastic, hit the golden buzzer, and send them

all away to the live shows. so we're sending -- i hit both of mine. a dance group from australia -- a dance group from australia. one of the best golden buzzers was actually last night. did you see it last night? >> anthony: no, i didn't. >> why? >> anthony: yes, i saw it last night, it was great! [ laughter ] one of the best golden buzzers i've ever seen beat no one all my life, howie, yes! [ laughter ] >> so then there's no need to explain it. [ laughter ] >> anthony: no, there's not. [ applause ] >> sofia vergara had one of the best golden buzzers i've ever seen. it was the craziest, wackiest group from japan. you've got to see it. go to repeat or go to youtube or whatever. i love working with these people. >> anthony: yes. >> i do anything to make my co-workers smile. >> anthony: it's a beautiful thing. you know, there is something i want you to explain. >> that's what i'm talking about. >> anthony: could you explain what's going on right here? >> so when we arrive, there are people waiting to get autographs. so that's -- that's heidi klum.

>> anthony: uh-huh? >> and every day, i will arrive -- she has no idea. i arrive -- that's me. [ laughter ] and i get her autograph. she doesn't know it's me. [ laughter ] i get -- wait, wait, wait. i get an autograph. but that's a scene. look at -- read it. that's from "the daily >> anthony: ""klum stopped to sign and take photographs." [ applause ] >> i think it's important to support. it's not like they dress up and get my signature. i'm the good person. i have the good heart. i am here for every one of you. >> anthony: yes, you are, howie. yes, you are, howie. plauls plauts ladies and gentlemen, give it up for howie mandel! thank you, howie. last "america's got talent" airs tuesdays on nbc. "howie mandel does stuff" and

"when a stranger calls" are available where you listen to podcasts. we'll be back with roy wood jr. ♪ “billathi askara” by björn jason lindh ♪ [metal creaking] [camera zooming] ♪ [window slamming] woman: [gasps] [dog barking] ♪ woman: [screams] ♪ [explosion] [explosion] ♪ [lock clicks shut] ♪ why won't scout play with us anymore? he has something called osteoarthritis pain. it's joint pain that hurts him all the time. come on, scout. now, there's librela. the first and only once-monthly injection to control your dog's oa pain. veterinary professionals administering librela who are pregnant, trying to conceive, or breast feeding, should take extreme care to avoid self-injection, which could cause allergic reactions like anaphylaxis. this is the best day of my life!

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>> lou: tomorrow on "jimmy kimmel live!," guest host anthony anderson, with -- and be sure to watch next week with guest hosts, lamorne morris, ryan reynolds,

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>> anthony: welcome back, music from the decemberists is on the way. our next guest is a hysterical comedian, you know him from his work on "the daily show" where he made us laugh to keep us from crying. next, he'll hit the road for his new stand-up tour, it's called "one night only: over the course of multiple nights." please welcome roy wood jr. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> yeah! what's happening with you, man? >> anthony: man, this is my summer gig for the week. >> you look good, man. >> anthony: thank you. >> moisturized. >> anthony: yes, it is, i'm trying, brother. >> i'm trying to grow mine. >> anthony: yours don't connect, yeah. [ laughter ] it don't connect. roy, how you been, man?

>> i been all right, bro. >> anthony: eight years on "the daily show." >> it was a good ride, man. >> anthony: is it weird not being at the rnc? >> no, i'm happy to not go to that. the block is hot right now. >> anthony: oh, yes, it is. >> you see what's going on in the world. >> anthony: yes, i do. >> you know, it's an interesting thing to see. but i don't even think trump want to be there. he sleep half the time. every time they cut to trump at the rnc -- look it up. also with trump, man, i don't think he milked the assassination attempt enough. >> anthony: no, you don't think so? >> no, he came with the band-aid. i'm telling you right now, if somebody tried to kill me, i'm in a wheelchair. i got my leg laid up. >> anthony: right, right, right. >> i got the arm in the sling. i got the -- remember after tupac got shot? the first time, not the second. you know what i mean. tupac had that wheelchair, was laid up, man. oh, that's -- that's the way you do it, bro. >> anthony: yes. >> this -- like they calling trump brave. because he's coming right back

to the rnc. okay, fine. i think the person who really brave, trump's vice presidential nominee, the boy j.d. vance. that's who brave. >> anthony: how so? >> because somebody just got shot at, then they call you the next day, offer you a job. that's bravery. >> anthony: oh, that is? >> that's bravery. you know the job of the vice president, on the campaign, the job of the vice president is stand next to the president. >> anthony: yes. >> if you call me talking about i want -- you just got shot at it "hey, roy, come stand next to me." i'd be your vice president over there. i'd be over there. [ cheers and applause ] if i'm j.d. vance, that's a brave brother. he really want to be in politics. >> anthony: uh-huh, okay. you're not going to the rnc. are you going to go to the dnc? >> yeah, i might swing by. >> anthony: you might swing by? >> it's in chicago, man. chicago got good food. i've got to see what's going on. with these political -- you know

what it's like, man. all these, like, all of these -- like the -- these conventions, right? it's just people who used to talk bad about the nominee. >> anthony: okay. >> and now they got to stand up there and say something good about -- it's like a reverse roast. [ laughter ] >> anthony: oh. >> just -- i don't know. i think that's part of why biden went ahead and caught covid. maybe like the window will still be long enough for him. [ laughter ] he might have to show up. >> anthony: i get it. in my opening monologue, we talked about -- i showed a clip from nikki haley saying, trump will never be president, should never run. five minutes later, "oh, yeah, he's the best thing for us." >> you better say it, he right there. well, he asleep. [ laughter ] but he still right there. speaking about your future boss. >> anthony: okay, you know what, man? before your future on "the daily show," you know, we have a little something -- i found a little resume of yours. >> that's the resume sent to the comedy clubs. >> anthony: no, this was the resume for the comedy clubs. >> that's how i made money in

' '98. >> anthony: i wanted to ask, it says -- you have a couple of mist misspelled things instead of universities, universe-ites. [ laughter ] >> i do multiple schools, universities and universe-ites. i'm versatile. [ applause ] >> anthony: okay, okay. >> i want the book tore know whether you need me for a college or community college or a universe-ite, i got the jokes for you. [ laughter ] >> anthony: what about this one up here? let's move to the top right here. you spelled television wrong. it's called >> that's what we call it in florida, telvision. "get the remote, turn on the telvision." that credit on there. >> anthony: what's that criticaled? >> "inventing florida." a documentary about the history of the sate of florida.

how it came into statehood. that was my first speaking role as an actor. >> anthony: was it? >> i played a freed union soldier. >> anthony: okay, i know. i want to show the world this, because we found it. >> no, no, no you didn't. >> anthony: yes, we did. >> no, you didn't. >> anthony: yes, de. andy, roll it! >> private thomas long served in the union army. >> if we hadn't become soldiers, things might have gone back as they were before. our freedom may have passed through two houses of congress, and president lincoln's four years might have passed us by and nothing been done for us. [ cheers and applause ] >> anthony: don't clap. 1 to 10, how was my slave accent? lau[ laughter ] >> anthony: when you went to one of these universe-ites, i want to know what language class you took. that was very black of you. >> listen, i was a union soldier, fighting for freedom. okay, i wasn't denzel in "glory." [ laughter ] >> anthony: far from it.

>> the funny thing about that clip, the director, they had the little civil war re-enactment uniforms. >> anthony: yes. >> they had the shoes. they told us, wear black shoes. i didn't know they meant black dress shoes. >> anthony: okay. >> i showed up to the civil war in jordans. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> anthony: is that why we never see your feet? >> yeah, that's why in that shot -- the director was furious. [ laughter ] >> anthony: three-quarter shot. >> he's like, "we got to shoot it tight, let's go, let's roll it." yeah, man, i tried to put on a little slave accent. i could tell i wasn't doing a good job, but the director was right, he didn't want to tell me to be more slave. [ laughter ] >> anthony: that's hard to tell a black man -- "could you jive it up a little bit?" [ bleep ] a little fight bit for me. >> "i'm not getting enough struggle." [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, that was a good time. >> anthony: in your early days of doing standup, i hear that you weren't always paid in full? you want to go into that story? >> you know the game, bro.

>> anthony: yeah, i know the game. >> you did stand-up for a while. >> anthony: let's share the game with some of the people. how were you paid? >> sometimes -- everybody knows sometimes you do comedy for money, then sometimes they offer you cocaine. [ laughter ] this is normal. y'all been offered cocaine in your job? we did a show with some dope boys, man. god bless them, they ain'ted a no money. but they had the dope they hadn't sold yet. because they was going to sell with the money for the dope reserve that's how they was going to pay. "hey, man, look, we can't pay you, but you can pinch a little bit off that brick over there." they were dead-ass serious about it. "i'll show you how to cut it. you can triple what i was going to get." i said, "no, sir." i say, "no, sir." i perform at esteemed

universe-ites. that's why i perform at univers universe-ites. >> anthony: your new stand-up on hulu? >> yeah, man, hulu was making a real push into stand-up comedy. >> anthony: yes, they are. >> i'm blessed to be part of the first wave of comedians in the game. we're taping september 7th at the lincoln theater in washington, d.c. . we still got a couple tickets left. i want people to come out and be a part of history. it's a special number four. i know what i'm doing now. >> anthony: okay, okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> you need three specials -- >> anthony: yeah, get it out of your system, get it ready. why in washington, d.c.? what's so special about d.c. for you? >> i think it's important -- you know my stand-up. i talk about the world and the dysfunction of it. i think it's important to do comedy in a place where the la s aren't made -- [ laughter ] so we can really focus -- >> anthony: you really had me going for a second. i was with you. >> yeah, it was a couple of you out there went to universe-ites,

didn't get it. no, d.c. is a cultural melting pot. it is the epicenter of all things culture. it is the epicenter of all things politics. >> anthony: yes. >> i think that's where my comedy meets. talking about comedy, people that are affected by a lot of the laws, that we need change, a lot of the laws and issues in this country, that's what i like to delve into. and d.c. is where a lot of those arguments happen. so i figured that would be a great place to do the show. also, i figured if i do it in d.c., clare recess thomas might come through. [ laughter ] i offered him some tickets, but he ain't replied. you need at least a vacation house to get him. to reply to your dm. >> anthony: will you be wearing your civil war jordans when you do there? >> i might, i just might. >> anthony: give it up for roy wood jr. [ cheers and applause ] you can see roy live on his new stand-up tour, "one night only: over the course of multiple nights" including september 7th in washington, d.c.

tickets are available now at roywoodjr.com. we'll be right back with the decemberists. you can pick up the tab even when you forget your wallet. (kaz) i got this. (ben) fargo, send kaz $145 dollars with zelle®. (kaz) smooth. (vo) want faster, easier banking? you can, with wells fargo. what else can fargo do? (woman) oh, come on! come on! (vo) fargo lets you do this: (woman) fargo, turn off my debit card! i found it! i found my card!

(vo) and also, this: (woman) fargo, turn on my debit card! (vo) do you fargo? you can, with wells fargo. >> anthony: that is all the time we have. thanks to howie mandel and

roy wood jr. "nightline" is next but first, from their album, "as it ever was, so it will be again," with the song "burial ground," the decemberists! ♪ ♪ oh len come down meet at the burial ground ♪ ♪ they've undid the aerial tore down the merry-go-round ♪ ♪ this world's all wrong so let's go where we belong ♪ ♪ pack up the stereo meet at the burial ground ♪ ♪ here among the fallen leaves

are we alone ♪ ♪ the ones that dare to breathe throw your worries down ♪ ♪ they're oh so gravely held you have carried them so well ♪ ♪ ooh woah ooh woah ♪ ♪ oh len come down meet at the burial ground ♪ ♪ they've undid the aerial tore down the merry-go-round ♪ ♪ this world's all wrong so let's go where we belong ♪ ♪ pack up the stereo meet at the burial ground ♪ ♪ you laid down below a stone ♪ ♪ wherever they have gone

i long to go ♪ ♪ somewhere out beyond these maladies in my head at least i think that's what you said ♪ ♪ oh whoa oh whoa oh len ♪ ♪ oh len come down meet at the burial ground ♪ ♪ they've undid the aerial tore down the merry-go-round ♪ ♪ this world's all wrong so let's go where we belong ♪ ♪ pack up the stereo meet at the burial ground ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ oh len come down and meet at the burial ground ♪ ♪ they've undid the aerial tore down the merry-go-round ♪ ♪ this world's all wrong so let's go where we belong ♪ ♪ pack up the stereo meet at the burial ground ♪ ♪ contract malaria meet at the burial ground ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> byron: