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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 9, 2024 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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underway in southern california. there's everything from marvel to star wars to things celebrating disney classics like mary poppins and the adventures of ichabod and mr. toad. it's something red hot. if you want something really current, there's avatar. that story is one of the top things people are clicking on right now on our website. it's up for you on the top news sidebar at abc seven news.com. remember, disney is the parent company of abc seven. >> all right. we want to thank you so much for watching. i'm ama daetz and i'm dan ashley for sandhya patel, larry beil and all of us. >> we appreciate your time. have a great weekend. right now on jimmy kimmel. the guest host is lamorne morris. >> >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" with guest host lamorne morris. tonight -- marlon wayans. matt rogers and bowen yang. plus, music from brigitte calls me baby. with cleto and the cletones.
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and now, lamorne morris. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: wow! wow! [ cheers and applause ] what? what? [ cheers and applause ] what? [ cheers and applause ] what? that was guillermo. he's been on extended vacation. welcome to "jimmy kimmel live!" i'm your guest host, lamorne morris. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ now, now, i've had an awesome time this week, but sad to say, this is my final night hosting the show. i know, i know.
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but i'm leaving here with memories that will last a lifetime, and about $4,000 worth of sound equipment. [ laughter ] now, by the way, can you imagine all the cool [ bleep ] joe biden's gonna take on his way out of the white house? [ laughter ] pens, paper clips, maybe a couple nuclear warheads. [ laughter ] now, president biden addressed the nation last night about his decision not to seek re-election. biden said, it's been the honor of his life to serve as our president and that nancy pelosi can kiss his black ass. [ laughter ] that's what he said. that's what he said. at least that's what i think he said. trying to figure it out, piece it together, but just before the president's remarks last night, donald trump held a rally in north carolina, and while these two men may have very different views of america, they both delivered moving, eloquent speeches. >> i decided the best way forward is to pass the torch to a new generation.
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>> i wish him well, but i don't like him. he's not a nice person. >> we are a great nation because we are good people. >> stupid people. they're stupid low i.q. people. >> abraham lincoln implored us to reject malice. franklin roosevelt, who inspired us to reject fear. >> hannibal lecter from "silence of the lambs." a lovely man. he wants you to have dinner. he would like to have you for dinner. >> i want to thank our great vice president, kamala harris. >> lying kamala harris. >> she's experienced, she's tough, she's capable. >> kamala wants to pass laws to outlaw red meat to stop climate change. you know what that means. that means no more cows. >> god bless you all and may god protect our troops. >> they got it all and can't quite do it. i'm sorry, mom. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: fun fact, jimmy kimmel voted for him twice. [ laughter ] he really did.
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he's out campaigning with him right now. [ laughter ] that's where he's been in case you've been wondering. now, down in san diego, comic-con is officially under way. now, i'm not going this year, but i am about to shoot a spider-man series with nicolas cage called "spider-noir." [ cheers and applause ] and as someone who is about to enter the spider-verse, and face a lot of scrutiny from comic book fans, i'd just like to go on record and say that everyone who goes to comic-con is a total hottie. [ cheers ] they are so great. [ laughter ] and their costumes are, oh, so cool. [ laughter ] and they are all so very good at sex. [ laughter ] also, please don't hurt me. [ laughter ] the other big event this weekend is the summer olympics. [ cheers and applause ] yes. that's right. that's right.
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it's that special time when the whole world comes together to ask "what the [ bleep ] is rhythmic gymnastics?" [ laughter ] they added one new sport this year, which is breakdancing. now, i don't know how i feel about that. like, are we supposed to put someone on a wheaties box for doing the worm? [ laughter ] like, it seems like every olympics there's some kind of doping scandal where athletes are accused and even disqualified for using performance-enhancing drugs, but now for the first time, there's another athletic competition that's taking a highly different approach. ♪ >> this summer, athletes from around the globe will gather in paris for the games of the 33rd olympiad to celebrate excellence, perseverance, and being complete [ bleep ] weaklings. from the makers of g-fuel nitro bonfire anger drink comes the only competition where we force athletes to be on drugs. the rx games. if you can eat it, drink it, or
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inject it in your ass, you will. steroids, check. hgh, no problem. giraffe semen, hellz yeah. you want to clip your nips to a battery and throw a discus a mile and a half? go right ahead, bro. orlando's famous gatorland. events, we've got them by the nut load. badminton on meth. punching out friggin' strangers and the javelin catch. the rx games, faster, stronger, and high as a [ bleep ] kite. >> warning is. r xgames may shrink your testicles. >> roidy, set, let's go! [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: yeah, i'll be there. remember to 'roid responsibly. before i wrap up my week here at kimmel, i wanted to use this
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platform to give back to the community. now, i've appeared in commercials for everything from cars to banks to beer, but tonight, i am going to use my skills as a pitchman to help one of our audience members who's been trying to sell something on craigslist. [ laughter ] this is a gentleman named norman gheemond. norman, my man, what are you trying to sell? [ cheers and applause ] >> what am i trying to sell? >> lamorne: yeah, what are you trying to sell. >> a useless outboard motor that's been laying at the bottom of a lake for 40 years. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: wow. >> anybody interested, raise your hand. okay? >> lamorne: i don't know. we got to see it first. here's the ad. it's listed as an antique boat motor, priced at $100, all right. and at the bottom it says "needs help." [ laughter ] norman, what does "needs help" mean? >> it would need some help and a little love, but the right person can handle that. >> lamorne: well, now as you may
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guess, a broken boat motor is not an easy thing to unload so i decided to lend norman a hand the only way i know how. >> hi, i'm lamorne morris, and this is a 1954 evinrude motor. with this strapped to your boat you aren't going anywhere because this is the only engine on the market that spent the last 60 years on the bottom of lake cachuma. and this is norman who dragged it to the surface and put it on craigslist. >> it's a piece of [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: built when norman was 9 years old, 17 years before the moon landing, this timeless engine features a rusted tank, hundreds of dead barnacles and a relief baffle generously caked in half a century of acidic lake mud. and best of all, the whole thing smells like fish ass. the motor, not norman. norman smells like ointment.
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>> thank you, lamorne. so, i was in my boat going around the lake hunting for treasure and there she was. whoo. treasure. i stuck my head in the water and said -- >> lamorne: okay, norman, we get it and now this treasure can be yours for just $100 cash, the same low price it's been the entire five years the ad has been on craigslist, because norman knows you don't compromise on the price of quality just because it's broken ass lake trash. >> buy it, and i'll throw in this rusty anchor for free. >> lamorne: a great deal. just ask norman's wife. >> please get this [ bleep ] out of my house. >> lamorne: norman gumond's evinrude 1952 light twin outboard motor. visit craigslist today, or wait five years, because the ad will probably still be there. >> unless i'm dead. >> lamorne: unless he's dead. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: yeah.
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well, norman, i am happy to inform you that the ad already worked, because i would very much like to buy this from you, and i'm not kidding. [ cheers and applause ] i think it's really cool. okay. we got a deal? >> you got to make a good home for it and caress it periodically. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: oh, i'm going to caress the [ bleep ] out of this. so i will give you $100 for it, but i'll also give your wife a thousand dollars for putting up with all your [ bleep ] over the years. >> yay! >> lamorne: thank you, norman. we have a very good show for you tonight. matt rogers and bowen yang are here. we've got music from brigitte calls me baby. and we'll be right back with marlon wayans.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lamorne: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live!" i'm lamorne morris. now, tonight they're the hosts
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of the funny podcasts "las culturistas" and "two guys, five rings." matt rogers and bowen yang are with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, from my hometown of chicago, their album, "the future is our way out," comes out august 2nd. music from brigitte calls me baby. [ cheers and applause ] now, you know our first guest as an actor, writer, stand-up comedian, and at one time in his life, a white chick. [ laughter ] now you can see him live on his tickets are on sale at marlonwayansofficial.com. please welcome the great marlon wayans. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lamorne: first can i just say this and this is -- i got to say, man, this --
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>> don't say it yet. let me take my glasses off. i just wanted to walk on and look real cool, then i wanted you to see my eyes. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: dude, i got to say -- >> my mother always used to get mad when my brothers used to do interviews with shades. "you better show them eyes that i made." [ laughter ] >> lamorne: well, you look cool doing it, man. >> thank you, brother. >> lamorne: dude, you are one of the most iconic figures in entertainment of all time, man. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> lamorne: and i got to say, you doing this right here, i got to say it is weird to have you here. >> you know what's weirder, like always got younger guy, going, "man, i grew up on you." [ laughter ] and i be looking at them why you look older than me, though. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: i look good. this is cocoa butter and jesus. >> you look great. the only thing -- i brought you a gift. >> lamorne: you did? >> because i'm a friend.
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for last four days i've been saying, if somebody don't put some damn lotion on this man's hands -- [ laughter ] i can't have you out here like this, black man. uh-uh. you ain't going to do this to our people. you understand me? [ applause ] you can't -- the black man, we worked too damn hard for our fingers to look like that. the whole man i'm watching this man with ashy beef jerky fingers. i'm like, somebody! >> lamorne: that's why i put socks on. my ankles need work. oh, my gosh. >> that was low. >> lamorne: for those who don't know, we know each other. [ laughter ] >> it's crazy, when they first told me i was going to do the show, i was excited because i was like, oh, my god, jimmy kimmel. and they're like, "no, jimmy's on vacation." [ laughter ] huh? white host get vacations. black people we don't get a day off. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: no, no. >> so i was like -- then i'm
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like, i'm going to see anthony anderson. because we went to college together and he's a longtime friend. yo, this is going to be dope and they're like, uh-huh. [ laughter ] well, who is it? they said lamorne. and i said, oh, that negro. [ laughter ] we're friends. i love you. >> lamorne: i love you too. >> you're not the good friend i always wanted you to be because you be standing me up. you was in a certain city. i moved to the city because i heard about your parties. i need to hang out with lamorne. [ laughter ] then as soon as i get to that city, your ass moves back to the city that i just moved from to be with you. >> lamorne: yeah, i switched. >> and now i hear you in my city, we still ain't hung out. >> lamorne: i just got there. >> not many people going to lotion your hands on tv. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: there's other parts of my body that needs lotion. >> that's okay. [ laughter ] that would be one of these young ladies in the crowd and if your other body parts look like them hands, you going to need some oil, too. [ laughter ] so seal all that in. get it right. >> lamorne: why you got so much lubricant on you? >> you was very dry.
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[ laughter ] >> lamorne: oh, my. >> i was suiting and booting up. i ain't going to have this black man on tv like that. give me some cocoa butter. >> lamorne: you know what i find, i find that it's weird because in my backpack i have a lot of lotion because i always travel with my daughter and my daughter always -- she's always dry. so i'm always putting lotion on my daughter. and what's funny is that when she was born, i called you and you gave me good parenting advice. >> did i? >> lamorne: you did. >> i'm a terrible parent. how did that happen? [ laughter ] >> lamorne: well, that's the thing. it's not been going great. [ laughter ] >> how old is your child now? >> lamorne: almost 4. >> we got to get out because i got this -- i got weird. and i just had a baby. i have a 22-year-old, a 24-year-old and now i got a 1 1/2-year-old. >> lamorne: really. >> yeah. [ applause ] so, basically i made my own grandbaby and -- [ laughter ]
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>> lamorne: you and a 24-year-old, you been doing it for a long time. >> oh, yeah. you mean been in the game? it's legendary. >> lamorne: let me ask you something. you have older kids and a younger kid. is there anything you learned from having kids in their 20s that you gave to the youngest one? >> i'm like the grandparent man, i'm like, oh, they'll figure out out. [ laughter ] i'm serious. i don't have the same -- before, you have all this anxiety. need to make sure they go to the best schools, need to do that, don't fall -- my kids, babies, "no!" i'd grab them, make sure they're okay. now this one, i'm like, "if they bust they ass, they're gone that learn." [ laughter ] that child will be all right. she's going to learn more than them. >> lamorne: oh, my gosh. >> i don't know if i need private school since pre-kindergarten. they can get messed up in the high school then i'll pay for that. before that? bring home some fs, let's make it interesting. [ applause ] >> lamorne: my daughter, my daughter is in this weird school
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now, i wouldn't say weird but she's not learning anything for the first year. for the first year she's just going to play -- >> is it private? >> lamorne: it's private. >> no, don't do that. don't do that. send them to public. they ain't going to remember none of this stuff. [ laughter ] it's a rap. they won't remember till like junior year in high school. >> lamorne: oh, really? [ laughter ] >> that's only because they're trying to get in college. let's be real. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: so take her out of the private school. >> public is it. >> lamorne: public school. >> that's all. she got to learn to fight, that's what she needs to learn. [ laughter and applause ] the simple things in life. fight, how to get robbed and give the robbers that's not the most important thing but it is something you can deal with. >> lamorne: what else are you teaching? can she talk right now? >> yeah, i taught her -- now she's at the parakeet age. everything i say. the other i'm driving, somebody cuts me off, [ bleep ]. and i heard [ bleep ]. and i look look, ah, [ bleep ].
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she's like, ah [ bleep ]. >> lamorne: my mom the other day, because my daughter said something in front of my mother. >> yes. >> lamorne: and it sounded like she had -- sounded like she was swearing. my mom said, "oh, what other swear words do you know?" my daughter listed off a few things. she said, "i know knucklehead. i know knock it off. and i know [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] that was a -- oh. she had her hand on her hip the whole time, listing off the things that she knew. >> it's funny. i was sitting there going, damn, your kid knows terrible curses. i got to hook her up. knucklehead. that ain't a curse. >> lamorne: it's not. >> knucklehead. you can do better than that, girl. [ laughter ] you ain't going to make nobody cry at school calling them a damn knucklehead. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: i think i live right around the corner from you. right around the corner. >> good. see, the thing is i just got robbed. >> lamorne: i don't know nothing about it. [ laughter ] >> i just got robbed and, see, what they don't know about me
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is, i ain't got [ bleep ]. they're like, you come to my house and only thing expensive in my house is the house. flat bread truck and everything else in my house looks like that motor that you just bought from him. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> lamorne: oh, man. >> so now it's cool. next time i be like, yo, don't rob me, rob lamorne! [ laughter ] he got a really nice watch. he got some lotion with oil on it. >> lamorne: please don't do that. please don't come to my house trying to rob me. [ laughter ] real quick, you got your comedy tour going on right now. talk about it, man. >> "wild child" comedy tour. i just finished my fourth stand-up special. [ applause ] in the last ten years. >> lamorne: yes. >> called "good grief" on amazon prime right now and going on tour with a brand-new hour and it's called "wild child" so i'm coming to a city near you.
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it's a theater tour. come get your tickets. let's have a good time. this new hour, i feel like each hour gets better and better because i'm now talking about the things -- it's not just goofy. my last special was a hilarious special about the death of my parents. and it's called "good grief" because it's how do you grieve and still find light and still laugh and celebrate the life, not the death. so it's actually really hilarious and great, and i just find that i like talking about the things that hurt me. things that would bother me because i feel like if i can rescue myself, then i can heal people and they don't have to pay a therapist. they can just pay me and come so my show. you know what i mean? [ cheers and applause ] my tickets is only 50 bucks, homeboy. >> lamorne: we got more of marlon wayans right after this. a detective anymore. andrew: they said i was consistently reckless. why can't you just hide me on a desk in here? wouldn't even be doing any work. i'd be checking the websites i like. a woman came in to report her husband missing. rogelio: meet her, give her the remains.
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andrew: what if this wasn't an accident? there's somebody keeping an eye on me because of what i know, but i really don't know what i know. [glass shatters] what did you do?! andrew: on a scale from 1 to 10, how screwed am i? —a million. —you couldn't just say "ten"? you don't think i'd understand that ten is bad? ♪ baby did a bad, bad thing ♪ ♪ geico can help cover cars, homes, motorcycles and even accordions. [playing accordian] you sure showed him. you bet your pickled peppers, i did. whatever you need, get more with geico. i thought i was sleeping ok... but i was waking up so tired. then i tried new zzzquil sleep nasal strips. their four—point lift design opens my nose for maximum air flow. so, i breathe better. and we both sleep better. and stay married. mom, i'd like a notebook that inspires me and to chase my dreamter. of being like a jedi.
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and vacation home, may be closer than you think. ready to meet the dream team? you can with wells fargo. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lamorne: welcome back. right now i am here with marlon wayans, everybody. >> hi, hi. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: now, i want to get into this because some white chicks on the staff here, they wanted me to ask you about last month was the 20th anniversary of "white chicks." >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: for anybody living under a rock, can you tell us what the movie was? >> oh, man. >> lamorne: that was 20 years ago. >> it was so long ago, you know how much weed i smoked between then?
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"white chicks" was two black guys go undercover to solve a crime in the world of the socialite world so we dress up as white chicks. solve the crime. >> lamorne: this makes perfect sense. [ laughter ] >> listen, they did it -- it wasn't my idea. shawn is the crazy one. his thing, shawn don't smoke weed but i think he called me high on green tea. [ laughter ] it was like 3:30 in the morning. he's like," marlon, we should play white chicks." i said, "shawn, you need to lay off the green tea. just smoke weed, it will be fine." he's like, "no, trust me." next day him and my producer partner come over and it's "fx" magazine and paris and nicky hilton on the cover and say, we need to play these white chicks and i was like instantly, i was like, yo, that could work! >> lamorne: is this it? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> lamorne: i can't tell you guys apart. >> i look a lot like this one. i don't know who shawn look like. shawn a handsome black man but, damn, he make an ugly white woman. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: that's how they convinced you. showed you the cover? >> yeah, showed me the cover. then we watched "some like it hot" which was a classic and from there we were like, oh, i get how to do this movie. it's funny, they've been trying to cancel us for this movie, go on x or twitter or whatever they call it now, just, yeah, they want to cancel and apologize for "white chicks." they were saying if flattery, the greatest form of flattery is mockery. and a great joke is when you send someone up and the people that you're sending up laugh the loudest. >> lamorne: right. >> you know who loved "white chicks" the most, white chicks. [ cheers and applause ] they loved the movie. >> lamorne: yeah.
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>> and, plus, they know what the wayans is. we're equal opportunity offenders. >> lamorne: i know. >> everybody gets it. >> lamorne: i know. [ laughter ] you just -- [ laughter ] you just moisturized me in front of millions of people. is it that easy to get a movie made? you just hold up a picture of paris and nicky hilton and the money comes in? >> back then. nowadays you got to dress up like them. you got to do it all. ain't the same. you know, and been talking about doing a sequel but is crazy because we're like, nah, nah, because we want to make a better movie than the last movie. it's different and i don't know if you know this, but, you know, it's different when you're a black guy in hollywood. >> lamorne: is it? >> know what i mean? you know, because when tom cruise does a sequel to like "mission: impossible" or what's the name of that movie. >> lamorne: "top gun." >> they give him more money, he gets double the budget, he gets paid more money. >> lamorne: right. >> right? he makes a spectacle. when a black guy wants to do a
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sequel, they're like, can you do it for a quarter of the price you did the first one? [ laughter ] make less half of what you made on that one but make a bigger, better movie? it's like, what? so, no, i don't know. there's too much work, man. it's eight, seven hours of makeup. i'm like, yo, i'll do movies where i'm a black man. it's a lot easier. black dude. reserve [ laughter and applause ] >> lamorne: i look forward to the sequel. thank you very much for being here. tickets for marlon's "wild child" tour are on sale now at marlonwayansofficial.com. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with matt rogers and bowen yang.
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>> lamorne: hi. i'm lamorne morris telling you not to be a litterbug. after all, we only have one planet, which is flat, by the way, like a pancake. and the sun. oh, no, the sun, that's not a star. you see, it's a giant light bulb that nasa changes once a month. once a month. but then again, months aren't real either because time, what is time? you see, time was invented in the 1950s by the deep state to sell us what? calendars. and all of that was done to keep us busy so we wouldn't realize bigfoot -- is, oh, so real and smoking hot. very much so [ bleep ] able. damn, you thick.
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[ bleep ]. girl you better -- hey, hey, shut up. hey. hey, what's this psa about again? >> um, littering. >> lamorne: oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. always litter, kids. ♪ lamorne you know ♪ discover the power of wegovy®. ♪ ♪ with wegovy®, i lost 35 pounds. and some lost over 46 pounds. ♪ ♪ and i'm keeping the weight off. wegovy® helps you lose weight and keep it off. i'm reducing my risk. wegovy® is the only fda-approved weight-management medicine that's proven to reduce risk of major cardiovascular events in adults with known heart disease and with either obesity or overweight. wegovy® shouldn't be used with semaglutide or glp-1 medicines. don't take wegovy® if you or your family had medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if allergic to it. stop wegovy® and get medical help right away
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lamorne: welcome back. music from brigitte calls me baby is on the way. our next guests tonight are a compelling duo, like the deadpool and wolverine of podcasting. [ laughter ] their award-winning podcast, "las culturistas," has spawned a new olympics-focused spinoff called, "two guys, five rings." please welcome the very funny matt rogers and bowen yang. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> we're excited. it's the olympics. >> lamorne: yes. >> oh, my gosh.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> wow. >> lamorne: i didn't know you were such olympic fans. >> you know, from a very young age we've known that the olympics existed. >> exactly. [ laughter ] >> so we're finally -- we're excited to finally be involved. >> we're digging in. >> lamorne: so you have two podcasts. >> and so do you. >> lamorne: i do but i want to talk about this. for those who don't know, can you break down both podcasts for us quick. "las culturistas." >> well, they're both very serious political podcasts. [ laughter ] we talk about world events, no, it's two gay guys talking to each other about stuff. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> i love applause for that. >> lamorne: yeah. what's interesting is that you said it earlier, i also have two podcasts, and one is called "the mess around" and the other is called "the lamorne after." [ applause ] now, for "the lamorne after," i've been calling, tweeting you guys and dm'ing you guys and nothing.
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you haven't responded. >> well, listen, it goes to like a different in-box. >> lamorne: i see. >> we'll give you -- her name is anna. you can talk to her, she's our booker. >> lamorne: i'll talk to anna. >> we'll give you her information over there. our people will talk to your people. >> lamorne: there's no need because what we'll do here today i will force you to be on my podcast, so welcome to "the lamorne after." [ cheers and applause ] and on my podcast i like to poll the fans, and not the way you're thinking. shut up. i can already see it. i can see it in your eyes. [ laughter ] >> lucky fans. very, very lucky. >> lamorne: in fact, we polled the whole audience and wrote in questions. specifically about you two. >> okay. >> lamorne: would you like to hear some of the questions? >> let's hear that. >> lamorne: your name is always listed before bowen's. is that because you think you're better than him? [ laughter ] >> quite the contrary.
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you see, when you're a duo, you want the less-interesting person first. >> no, that's not true. [ laughter ] >> it's like matt rogers. okay, kind of, maybe i know him. bowen yang! oh, someone i know! [ laughter ] >> i think our logic is it depends if you're saying our full names or first names and want to end on a big open vowel so you can go, bowen yang! >> yay! >> or you go, bowen and matt! you know, i feel like it's about the finish and just about sending it up and that's it. >> lamorne: always about the ending of the words is what you're saying. >> big, long, open vowel. >> yay! >> yeah! >> lamorne: yang! >> you can do it with any vowel. it's fun. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: okay. >> they love it. >> lamorne: question about your podcast, is it okay to listen to your podcast on 1.5 speed? >> yes. because sometimes we are doing drugs that make us sound slow. [ laughter ] and sometimes -- and we don't do drugs that make us fast. we shouldn't be talking about this.
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[ laughter ] >> but now that we are, what we're saying is we're often stoned on the podcast. >> lamorne: that makes a lot of sense. [ cheers and applause ] >> and so -- there's a lot of content to consume out there. i sometimes will watch a youtube video on 1.75. >> lamorne: what? >> yeah, that's how my brain sort of is. >> lamorne: i can't get information that way. it's so strange because i hear people do that and i go why, do you do that? so i can get all the information in. i can't follow it. >> right, but you -- trust us. you don't want to hear us talk for longer than you should or need to, so speed up the process. if you can listen to an hour and a half episode within 45 minutes then more power to you. >> yeah, you listen to "las culturistas" at 1.75 and then the "the lamorne after" and now you can fit both in. >> lamorne: that makes a lot of sense. >> i'm doing work for you. >> lamorne: i appreciate that. >> yeah. >> lamorne: next question coming from julie in the front, bowen, you just got your fourth emmy nomination for "saturday night live." >> yes.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: and you just got yours. congrats to you. >> thank you very much. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: it says, the question is lamorne just got his first emmy nomination for "fargo." [ applause ] thank you. should you tell matt to leave while you two talk about the emmys? [ laughter ] >> we'll switch chairs. >> nominees will talk and i'm just going to stretch. [ laughter ] >> i'm so excited about the gift baskets. all the nominees get a gift basket. >> lamorne: that's what i hear. >> it's great. >> lamorne: what happens if i lose? what kind of face do i make? >> you should bring like a photo of yourself to, like fill in the frame. >> lamorne: a big picture of myself. >> and pretend like you're not there. then, you know, just have a head shot of you when you're not there and you pull it down and reveal, ha, ha, i'm here! [ laughter ] >> lamorne: if either of you need a date, i know i won't have one that day so i'm around. you'll be free that day? >> i'm not expecting anything on
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emmy night. i won't wake up early. i'm not going to expect anything. i do think this was my best season as bowen's best friend but not necessarily expecting. if it happens, that's amazing, fy get the call. >> lamorne: are you going to take each other -- i feel like that's the logical -- i watched an episode of your podcast and you spoke about the suit that you want to wear. this canary -- >> i've always had -- i've always said that if i ever got nominated for an emmy, i would wear canary yellow. and so now that a lot of my friends are getting nominated for emmys, i guess i have to buy a suit for just in case but there's not a lot of canary yellow suits just like out there. [ laughter ] if you ask me to go with you i'll buy at least a lapel. >> sure. i think if they schedule the emmys for easter, i think that will be a nice thing, canary yellow, pastels for the rest of us. >> yeah. >> lamorne: i figure since we're here in front of all these people, it's only right you make a commitment here today. >> oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause ]
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can i say this was not the plan. >> i know. >> lamorne: or you can say to be continued. you don't have to commit. >> do it for tv. just take a hawkeye. >> yes. >> will you come to the emmys? >> oh, my god! [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh. >> lamorne: look at that. >> it's all happening. >> i need a canary yellow suit. suit supply, i'll be there in 45 minutes. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: okay, so your new podcast, "two guys, five rings" centers on the olympics. which one of you would do better in olympic competition? >> i guess it depends on the event. i feel like matt has famously run a 4:45 mile. >> 4:36. >> lamorne: ooh! >> i was 17, but it was half my life ago. but i did do it. bowen is one of the world's most famous skiers. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: it's the summer olympics.
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>> well, i was going to say, i think we have a summer olympian here and a winter olympian here so we're sort of like you can get both. >> jackie and marilyn. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: so when you two -- >> it works. >> lamorne: it does work and i'm here for it. >> yeah. >> lamorne: when you two both arrive in paris for the games, what will be your first stop? >> oh, lamorne, lamorne, we weren't asked to go. >> yeah. >> so -- >> it's okay, it's okay. >> so sorry. >> there's still time. they last a couple weeks, and i think we're just going to rattle off facts for you. we just want to let everyone know there are 300,000 condoms in the olympic village this year. >> lamorne: really? they doing that kind of boning over there? >> they're doing that kind of boning over there. [ laughter ] and if you take us, we will make sure all of those get used. [ laughter ] >> lamorne: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> right? >> we're ready to go.
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also, they just like broke the news that lady gaga and celine dion will perform for the opening ceremony. this is not a joke. we predicted that on this podcast like a month ago. >> lamorne: really? >> i don't know in it's manifestation or the powers of gay. [ laughter ] but, like, it happened. >> lamorne: okay. i just think your podcast is that dope and i think people are listening. >> thanks, lamorne. so are yours. >> lamorne: question for you, this one is from me, i got to admit i wrote this one. very, very important. can you name two black athletes on the olympic squash team? [ laughter ] >> is there a squash team? >> lamorne: oh, that was a trick question. there is no squash team. not until 2028 and black people, we don't play squash. >> there you go. [ laughter and applause ] >> lamorne: listen, i want to say thank you to both of you for being here. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> lamorne: matt and bowen's podcasts are "las culturistas" and "two guys, five rings." we'll be right back with brigitte calls me baby.
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[upbeat music] ♪ yeah, baby, i like it like that ♪ ♪ i like it like that, i like it like that ♪ ♪ si a ti te quiero mi amor, i like it like that ♪ ♪ eeeeeh, baby, i said i like it like that ♪ ♪ stomp your feet if you think i'm neat ♪ ♪ clap your hands if you want some more ♪ ♪ i said i like it like that ♪ >> lamorne: that is all the time we have. thanks to marlon wayans, matt rogers, and bowen yang. "nightline" is next. but first, their album, "the future is our way out," comes
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out august 2nd. here with the song, "we were never alive," brigitte calls me baby! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ have you ever felt you were dreaming ♪ ♪ and life was just something that you never could believe in ♪ ♪ the travel of night the tunnel of light ♪ ♪ a feeling you were never meant to feel again ♪ ♪ standing on the side you're walking on the water ♪ ♪ the closer that i get the more i know i wanna ♪ ♪ this life could feed a dream ♪ ♪ the waves will take you
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under ♪ ♪ if i wake up i won't feel this again ♪ ♪ and we were never alive however real it seemed it was just a dream ♪ ♪ we don't go and we never arrived ♪ ♪ however real it seemed it was just a dream ♪ ♪ until the end it's you and me ♪ ♪ i look to you as long as i have eyes that see ♪ ♪ and it's the end for you and me ♪ ♪ i wanna stay forever in the in-between ♪ ♪ i know a place in your sleep and my sleep ♪ ♪ and two people who are not in love ♪ ♪ it's a deep sleep no heartbeat and no return ♪ ♪ i'm buried in the city you're standing in the water ♪ ♪ the people that we were they won't be there tomorrow ♪ ♪ the things we used to cling were only ours to borrow ♪
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♪ i'm hoping that someday this all will end ♪ ♪ and we were never alive however real it seemed it was just a dream ♪ ♪ we don't go and we never arrived ♪ ♪ however real it seemed it was just a dream ♪ ♪ until the end it's you and me ♪ ♪ i look to you as long as i have eyes that see ♪ ♪ and it's the end for you and me ♪ ♪ i wanna stay forever in the in-between ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ we were never alive however real it seemed it was just a dream ♪ ♪ we don't go and we never arrived ♪ ♪ however real it seemed it was just a dream ♪ ♪ until the end it's you and me ♪ ♪ i look to you as long as i have eyes that see ♪ ♪ and it's the end for you and me ♪ ♪ i wanna stay forever in the in-between ♪ ♪ looking at me while i'm looking at you ♪ ♪ conversation's easier said than done ♪ ♪ temptation better if it was gone ♪ ♪ so when i go i'll come around again ♪ ♪
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♪ but i am only human but i'm capable ♪ ♪ of the things that you thought weren't capable ♪ ♪ the conversation's easier said than done ♪ ♪ the temptation better when it's gone ♪ ♪ those around must come around ♪ ♪ so when i go i'll come around again ♪ ♪ oooh my heart is numb ♪ ♪ ohhh my head is numb ♪ ♪ oh my god i am ♪ ♪ this is "nightline." >> phil: tonight, felipe teet. the french

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