hi, kens. >> stephen: happy super bowl. i've got to ask you a question. you grew up in canada. super bowl is not as big a deal there i imagine. you seem sporty but what was your sport? obviously not american football. what'd you do? >> ryan: i was positive i would be in the nba. >> stephen: really? what do you top out at? >> ryan: well, that was the problem. that wasn't the only problem. it was the '90s. there was the bulls, the dream team. shaq's she was doing a mall circuit. one shoe. you could buy tickets. i waited in line and i saw shaq' show and isaiah destiny staring me in the face.

i'm going to be in that big a memo to be in the nba and anyone who thinks otherwise is a damn fool. stuart varney player stuntman in the new movie "the fall guy" with the lovely emily blunt. [applause] i have to ask the obvious question. ryan gosling, do you do your own stunts? >> ryan: i was prepared to be the first actor to say i have done none of my own stones. i would be happy to say that. but the film is honoring stunt performers and has some of the greatest beating from horace in the business today, directed by a former stunt performer so they weren't going to let that ha happen. they dropped me 12 stories of a building and then they drugged me across the bridge. >> stephen: is that what this is? i was given this photo i'm not sure what the context is. >> ryan: that's it.

across the bridge. >> stephen: as it drives across. how did that feel? did it feel like a good idea? >> ryan: they shot it very early. because it was the sydney harbour bridge so we didn't want to disrupt traffic. it was very early. i wasn't fully caffeinated. i sort of grabbed a shovel and suddenly it happen. we did it a few times. i went back to my trailer and slept my thought, that was a weird dream. >> stephen: we have a clip here. you need to tell us what's going on? >> ryan: um. >> stephen: something big. >> ryan: i don't really know. >> stephen: lets discover it together. this will be fun. jim? >> just wondering after this movie if i don't go to prison and you're not busy maybe we could go to a beach somewhere. where swimming costumes. >> drink a spicy margarita or something? >> make some bad decisions. >> yes. >> sound like a plan? >> it's a better plan than this.

be careful. swing him around, go. [cheering] >> stephen: and i was you wouldn't miss. i've got to talk about the elephant in the room. congratulations on your oscar now for "barbie" extraordinary movie. soup to nuts, everybody in this movie is amazing. greta gerwig when she was here she said, we were talking about you and your fantastic fur coat right there that you wear as ken. fantastic four. she said you pitch the idea of you doing dream valet with of this and you're wrestling with it and becomes your coat? i would have paid money to see

that. what happened to that? >> ryan: it came to me in a dream. >> stephen: seriously? >> ryan: it became i think a nightmare for greta. we were trying to figure it out. it felt like, you know, the mink was his identity and he was having this death of the ego and being reborn out of it and as soon as i was being reborn i thought, this is a terrible idea. >> stephen: so you were born -- >> born out of the mink. this isn't going to work but it was a placeholder for what became this ken song. >> stephen: what does that mean to you? it means, seems to mean so many different things to different people. what does "i'm just ken" mean to you. >> ryan: i would be more curious. i would want to kensplain. yeah. what do you think?

>> stephen: "i'm just ken" is accepting yourself from who you are and not needing the approval of others in order to be your best self. >> ryan: that's better. >> stephen: understand you had other suggestions that did make it into the movie. for instance, this right here. can you expand what's going on here? >> ryan: oh, god. >> stephen: what part of this -- >> ryan: my underpants. >> stephen: this is your idea and the fact that your underwear says ken on it which i didn't notice in the movie. >> ryan: everything was just trying to get barbie to notice me. so i thought if i wrote ken on my underwear, she might say, you know, nice underwear, ken. in them i would say under where. anything to have a conversation with barbie. >> stephen: were going to take a quick break. we'll be right back.

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♪ it's about to be on. ♪ announcer: new seasons of the fbis premiering tuesday on cbs. two leading candidates for senate. two very different visions for california. steve garvey, the leading republican, is too conservative for california. he voted for trump twice and supported republicans for years, including far right conservatives. adam schiff, the leading democrat, defended democracy against trump and the insurrectionists.

he helped build affordable housing, lower drug costs, and bring good jobs back home. the choice is clear. i'm adam schiff, and i approve this message. >> stephen: hey, everybody. look at this. we're back with the start of the upcoming "fall guy," mr. ryan gosling. the phrase "i'm kenough" is showing up everywhere. you see this. i'm kenough. what i love about this is that it works for any name that ends with -en.

ben, ellen. we made some thing for you to wear. it's i am stephenough. you can take. this is for you. put it right over there. put it in your collection. i understand. >> ryan: i have something for you. >> stephen: what? >> ryan: can i give you something as well? >> stephen: of course you may. what is it? >> ryan: i have a... where should we put it? >> stephen: right here. right here. [applause] [laughter]

thank you! i love it. i have always wanted, i have always wanted my own mojo dojo casa desk. there's only one measure by which a man can be rolled in is if they have kenergy. since you are here and you are the ken. i'm just curious, do you believe -- do i deserve this? do i have the kenergy? >> ryan: the kenergy coming off of you is nuclear, bro. [cheering] right? it is nuclear, bro. >> stephen: wow. >> ryan: i talked to the kens and we feel it needs to be acknowledged. your kenergy. we want to knight you into the kendom. release the mink! ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ [cheering] >> stephen: is this -- is this... is this the actual coat? >> ryan: this is the actual mink. i'm going to knight you stephen ken colbert. do you solemnly swear to make yourself as smooth and shiny as possible so that you might reflect the awesomeness of barbie? >> stephen: i will be as smooth and shiny as this man here. >> ryan: reach into your pocket.

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♪ so if you're happy and you know it ♪ ♪ throw you hands up and show it ♪ ♪ if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands ♪ ♪ and if you love the life you're living ♪ ♪ go ahead and dive right in ♪ ♪ and shake it, shake it like you mean it, do a little dance ♪ ♪ show me what you got ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands ♪ - [announcer] find your happiness in san diego. >> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guest will be john oliver. now stick around

for taylor tomlinson. good night! >> taylor: welcome to "after midnight," the smartest comedy show about the dumbest things on the internet. every night, three comedians tell jokes and compete for points on a fake game show that's really a comedy show. the chiefs just won the super bowl! [cheers and applause] and it was a close, exciting game. gota little tense at the end there. first back-to-back champs in 30 years. [cheers and applause] if you just watched that and "tracker," your local news, and "colbert," then you're in luck, because you've found us. [cheers and applause] tonight, we'll be marveling at other feats of athleticism, like this: ♪ ♪

[laughter] before we get to that, it's time to meet your 2024 "after midnight after the super bowl" panelists! [cheers and applause] first, he's an actor, comedian, and singer you know from "whose line is it anyway" and "let's make a deal" who can next be seen in broadway's "the wiz" when previews begin on march 29. starting at left podium, it's wayne brady! [cheers and applause] >> come on! >> i am wayne brady and if you are watching this and you think i'm a retired football player, basketball player or william's brother, you are a racist! [laughter and cheering] >> taylor: straight out of the new york times best sellers

list, you know her from her netflix show "lady dynamite" and her new special "local act," it's starting center maria bamford! [cheers and applause] >> come on! hi, football, don't hit me! i don't know where i am and i don't know what this is for! [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> taylor: you know him from every jay & silent bob movie ever made and can catch him on jay & silent bob's cruise askew departing from miami on february 23. it's writer and director and backup free safety kevin smith! [cheers and applause]

>> i did not have any wings at the tailgate party because i'm vegan. just be happy i'm vegan. [applause] >> taylor: "after midnight" starts now. ♪ ♪ >> taylor: okay, panelists. tonight you'll be playing for... tom brady!rs that are signed by- these are legit and probably worth actual money. don't ask me how we acquired them. [laughter] we have an incredible show for you. and for halftime, we've got an a special guest with over 200 million views on youtube, it's musical sensation, america's loop daddy, marc ribellet! [cheers and applause] but first, let's start with all

the stories people are talking about today. it's time for "group chat!" [cheers and applause] panelists, buzz in with your jokes, and if you hear this noise... [ding] you get points. and in honor of the super bowl, we're doing football rules! we'll only be awarding points in multiples of seven! get ready to do some math! [laughter] >> taylor: the super bowl was today, did you guys know that? i'm kidding. it was the thing on before the new hit show "tracker." [laughter] tracks people, tracker. one moment, they got a lot of attention online is this confrontation between kansas city chiefs tied in travis kelce and head coach andy reid. >> what happened is on the fumble he was not in the game.

travis, be careful with coach reid comey has been 65 years old for three decades. [laughter] wow! people on social media have been joking about what he possibly could have been yelling but comedians, what do you think travis kelce said to andy reid that got andy startled? kevin? >> i think what he is saying right there is it is called deadpool and wolverine! [laughter] and it's in two cinematic universes! [laughter] he really needs this one! [laughter] i will be right back. [ding] >> taylor: maria? if you can lean, you can clean. [laughter] >> taylor: for many of you,

the super bowl was between the chiefs and 49ers. but my super bowl was usher's halftime performance. [cheers and applause] and congratulations are in order, because we all won. the roller-skates? ♪ ♪ >> whoa! usher's halftime performance took me back to the good old days: fifth grade! when i first heard these profound words, "just when i thought i said all i could say, my chick on the side said she got one on the way." [laughter] fifth grade me was like, "so true!" [laughter] these, of course, are usher's confessions. so comedians, to honor the king of r&b, in your best usher cosplay, what are your

confessions? ♪ ♪ wayne? [cheers and applause] >> this one is dedicated to kevin smith. [laughter] ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, i have been a fan for so long ♪ ♪ no one can blame me ♪ ♪ ever since chasing amy ♪ ♪ but this one thing on my mi mind ♪ ♪ i would want to be a jerk ♪ ♪ i haven't seen your whole work ♪ ♪ because i've never seen clerks

no, no ♪ ♪ not even a little bit ♪ ♪ i have seen the clips when doing a clip on the new show ♪ ♪ i've lied to you all of these years when i said i admired what you did ♪ ♪ but it is just what people do in hollywood ♪ ♪ hey, great job ♪ ♪ [laughter] [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ i am so sorry, baby ♪ ♪ what can i do to make it up to you? tell me ♪ ♪ join me with wayne, join me ♪ ♪ join me, silent bob ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> wow! >> taylor: my god. >> and the deal is done. >> maria!

>> taylor: i mean, nobody can follow that. let's just move on, holy [bleep] oh, my god, that was awesome. >> honestly, i'm so moist right now. [laughter] >> taylor: wayne is in the lead with 98 points. [cheers and applause] [buzzer] that is not the sound of you losing your parlay but it is time for hashtag wars. for many football is a religion but many more it is an excuse to pick out and eat terrible food. an estimated one and a half billion chicken wings were eaten by the end of the night and startling 14 pieces of celery will also have been eaten. so in honor of this major culinary holiday, tonight's hashtag is #footballafood. [cheers and applause] like "ref boyardee" from traci sinnott. and "any given sundae" from

seth good time. great job, guys. now, i'm going to put 60 seconds on the clock and you'll have a chance to buzz in with as many jokes as you can that fit tonight's topic. go! [ding] >> taylor: wayne? >> cleveland brown rice spirits going kevin? >> hoops, all barry locker room. >> taylor: maria? [ding] >> lineup shrimp edge. >> taylor: wayne? >> bill rice checks. >> patrick mahomes rice checks. >> long john silvers. >> taylor: kevin? >> vegan long john silvers. [ding] >> taylor: maria? >> carolyn pan pizzas. >> taylor: wayne? >> sloppy joe montana! [ding] >> taylor: kevin? >> i would say taylor him but i am from new jersey so i say pork

roll. [ding] >> taylor: maria? >> sentiments and natty bengals! [cheers and applause] >> taylor: listen, you all did so good, but when i said the points didn't matter -- did i stutter? everyone's starting the next round with 1000 points. [cheers and applause] >> taylor: but the game never stos. play along with "hashtag wars" every night on all the "after midnight" social channels. add your own for tonight's: #footballafood. when we come back, we'll be objectifying the zaddies of the nfl! stay tuned! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> tonight's hashtag winner. congratulations. ♪ (board member 1 whispers) when's he gonna be here?

(board member 3) do you think we could get some boba? (board member 1) what's boba? he's late. (board member 3) my wife left me. (board member 1) hm. (board member 3) who knows... for the dog groomer. (receptionist) he's here. (board member 1) showtime. [traffic noise] [text message] let's ace this thing!

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>> taylor come i want to thank you so much for your question. i feel good. i feel like i'm back on the road to redemption. you know, all of those comedy enhancement rumors that i have been punch line dosing come i'm here to prove to folks that i'm clean. [laughter] and i'm sober and ready to do it. [cheers and applause] >> taylor: thank you for addressing that. >> boot swings! [laughter] 's the >> taylor: maria bamford, what are you going to do to pull ahead as we enter act 2 of the game show? >> welcome i'm going to eat. [laughter] and then i'm going to get out there and eat some more. [laughter] thank you. i will probably fart a little depending on what i eat. >> taylor: absolutely, absolutely, strategy. >> taylor: kevin smith, why didn't your football career work out? [laughter] >> you know, i always wanted to

play for notre dame like rudy. but the problem is i played like dudy. but i was hoping tonight when brady is here and we will answer the immortal question, does wayne brady have two coach a bit? as he does, and i will. >> taylor: this concludes our sideline report. [cheers and applause] >> taylor: thank you, guests, for your cooperation at this time! now on to games! [cheers and applause] yeah. if there's one thing you'll find in the nfl, it's men. there are so many. some of them are what the internet calls a "zaddy" -- a term for a hot, fashionable, older man. for example, former dallas cowboys quarterback and current cbs announcer tony romo. [cheers and applause] right? or the fresh and fashionable howie long.

[audience reacts] and who can forget the irresistible sexual dynamo that is raiders' owner mark davis. [laughter] day-um. panelists, everybody deserves a dapper older man in their life. and that's why we're playing a special football edition of our game called "who's your zaddy?" [cheers and applause] mystery zaddy. and you'll have to guess who he is based off the clues that i give you. if you get it right, you'll get 100 points. i can't keep doing this 7-point math. [laughter] if you are unable to figure it out, the other two panelists will be able to steal the points if they can guess right. >> nice. >> taylor: i know. all right, maria. who's your zaddy? [audience reacts] here are your clues:

this man loves his kids. like, really loves them. [laughter] old women are obsessed with him. this zaddy is such an optimist, he sees his balls as half-full. [laughter] do you know? >> yes, but i just know his wife is a model. [laughter] >> taylor: i will give you one more clue and maybe this will help. he is he's always telling you "babe, just one more season!" >> [bleep] kirk gerstein come i don't know. >> taylor: wayne, would you like to steal it? >> at first, it i thought it was me. hello, hello and then i realized it was -- >> taylor: yes. that is correct. it is tom brady.

there he is. it is unsettling though. okay, wa >> taylor: okay, wayne, who's your zaddy? >> that is such a disturbing question. [laughter] can a zaddy? have a zaddy? here are your clues: coach, alpha, top. hometown: who-ville. [laughter] he's big and red and pink all over. [laughter] >> now you're just making stuff [bleep] >> taylor: he is incredibly dedicated to state farm. the most famous mustache in football. >> easy, clifford the big red dog! oh, no, was i wrong?

>> taylor: maria? >> is at buffalo bill? [laughter] maybe it was something that i picked up. >> taylor: your zaddy was chiefs coach andy reid! [cheers and applause] >> oh, why does he look like you need some iced tea on the porch. [laughter] >> taylor: kevin, you're next. who is yours? >> that was for my mom watching at home. >> taylor: here are your clues: the second-most famous mustache in football. oh, already. >> yes, charlie brown. >> no, no, no his hair is up here and not down there. >> taylor: so close we will give you more clues. he loves dancing, hyping the crowd, and worshipping odin. >> sims worth. [laughter]

no? give me another one. >> taylor: there's a person inside of him. >> taylor: >> crimmins hemsworth? no? >> taylor: okay, he's kind of cute, if you like felt for skin. >> i don't know his name but is he a viking? is he the viking? >> taylor: he is a viking, absolutely! look at that, look at that norse warmonger! maybe if he stopped pillaging irish villages and paid attention to his o-line, minnesota could keep a quarterback! [laughter] and now for the last one, a free-for-all. i'm gonna put this zaddy on all your podiums. feel free to buzz in when you know who it is. here are your clues. he's one of the greatest multisport athletes of all time. [laughter] [ding] >> grandma's! [laughter] >> taylor: such a good guess, blonder than trevor lawrence, hairier than jason kelce.

[ding] >> taylor: yes, kevin. >> [bleep] [laughter] >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! >> taylor: he has the shortest lifespan of any football player ever. [ding] taylor: wayne? >> bud! >> taylor: which bud? >> error bud. taylor: that is correct. >> more correctly it's air bud: golden receiver! >> taylor: i love that you got on the most morbid clue. >> i'm a big error bud fan in my house. shout out to her by. >> taylo: do you know how many he has starred in? >> eight. >> taylor: error bud to the extreme, earbud to the max. that is [bleep] [laughter] uke and believe me though, right? >> taylor: another hundred points for wayne for knowing all of the error bud arroyo spirit >> taylor: when we come back,

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- [narrator] welcome to twin pine casino and hotel. feel the thrill on our exciting casino floor. indulge in exquisite dining. unwind in our luxurious hotel rooms at twin pine casino and hotel in lake county, california. this ad? typical. politicians... "he's bad. i'm good." blah, blah. let's shake things up. with katie porter. porter refuses corporate pac money. and leads the fight to ban congressional stock trading. katie porter. taking on big banks to make housing more affordable. and drug company ceos to stop their price gouging. most politicians just fight each other. while katie porter fights for you. for senate - democrat katie porter. i'm katie porter and i approve this message.

- [announcer] discover new opportunities meet up in an taward-winning equinox,. lend a hand in the silverado with up to 14 available camera views, or mix it up in the trax with an 11-inch diagonal display screen. find the chevy that's right for you. get 2.9% financing for 72 months on all 2024 silverado 1500 models, or get $5,000 total value on this silverado high country when you trade in an eligible vehicle. - [announcer] see your bay area chevy dealers today. >> taylor: welcome back to [cheers and applause] "after midnight"! put down your phone, the show is back on. [laughter] on the field, the line between order and chaos is guarded by brave, striped warriors known as referees. [laughter] their job is to call violations, give out penalties, and endure

the worst verbal abuse known to man. [laughter] unfortunately, there are no referees for the internet. that is, until this very moment! [laughter] it's time for the next game: "flag on the play!" [cheers and applause] panelists, i'm going to show you a viral video we found on the internet, and for 200 points, you will buzz in, whistle, and call the foul. but first, a whistle test: go! [panel blowing whistles] wow! remember, kids: always test your whistles before using them on a game show. [laughter] >> taylor: nice. first, this video from kagan dunlap. ♪ ♪ [laughter] [audience reacts]

[ding] >> taylor: kevin. >> flag on the plate and the new shrek looks lit! [laughter] [ding] >> taylor: maria? >> the donkey said no! [laughter] [laughter] >> but he doesn't want to go! >> taylor: wayne? >> no flag on the play, just a man handling that ass! [laughter] >> this is so different than my day job on cbs. [laughter] i would hate it if i said handling that ass! [laughter] >> taylor: we are on much

later than your show. now to quote dj khalid, anotha one from savohsin.ilia. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ding] >> taextra points, this guy is wonderful. [laughter] [ding] >> taylor: wayne? >> this is what we get for banning books! [laughter] [ding] >> taylor: kevin? >> flag on the play. if i can bend like that -- [laughter] >> ta>> taylor: >> taylor: okay, now, this video posted by @adamrose99. [clanging]

[ding] >> taylor: kevin? >> flag on the play, and that is how you put on a condom! [laughter] [ding] >> taylor: wayne? >> flag on the play, improper use of the power of friendship! [laughter] [ding] >> taylor: maria? >> again, extra points, this is wonderful! [laughter] >> taylor: finally, a video from this queen @stephaniemillinger. ♪ ♪ [audience reacts]

[cheers and applause] [ding] >> taylor: wayne? >> penalty, rich people and their fancy ass compasses! [laughter] >> taylor: maria? >> is she taking new students? [laughter] [ding] >> taylor: kevin? >> flag on the play, who hates balloons that much? [laughter] >> taylor: >> taylor: great job, panelists. you should allomeferee let's hear one more whistle out of all you. [panelists blow whistles] [cheers and applause] when we come back, it is the 2024 "after midnight" halftime show with marc ribellet. people in the front row, you get your ponchos, you will get wet.

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(light gentle music) - unraveling life's mysteries. at stanford medicine, it's part of our dna. our world class school of medicine and adult and children's health systems work together expanding what we know and sharing what we discover to accelerate breakthroughs and inspire the next generation of code breakers. stanford medicine, advancing knowledge, improving lives. (light gentle music)

[cheers and applause] >> taylor: welcome back to "after midnight"! after a disappointing season this year, the new england patriots parted ways with legendary coach and sweatshirt-turtle bill belichick. [laughter] yes, this perpetually grumpy man has joined the ranks of the unemployed. [laughter] pork bill, a hall of famer sentenced to the same fate as a common journalism major? it disgusts me. so we're gonna try and turn this man's frown upside down with our next game, "make bill smile."

[cheers and applause] panelists, for this game, we have on the screen an actual, 100% real, live feed of bill belichick's face. [laughter] you're each going to take turns trying to make him smile. if you succeed, you'll be rewarded with a front row seat to the 2024 "after midnight" halftime show featuring america's loop daddy, marc rebillet. [cheers and applause] crowell to go woo! wayne, you're first. try to make bill smile! >> hey, bill, you lost one brady, but you can still have me. [cheers and applause] >> taylor: doesn't seem to be cracking, maria, you're next! [audience reacts]

[laughter] [cheers and applause] >> permanent. >> taylor: i can't believe it. kevin, you're up! try to make bill smile! >> bill, ♪ baby sure, baby sure, baby sure ♪ >> taylor: >> taylor: wayne, want to give it another shot? >> bill, i will now spell your last name b-capital lic capital c, capital ick. i don't know if i am right.

[laughter] >> taylor: when i know either. >> taylor: maria, get in there! make him smile. >> bill, this is the best i can do. the impersonation of my husband doing an impersonation of a rabbit. [laughter] that is all i have! >> taylor: okay come on three come i want everyone to make him smile, 1-2-3! >> tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle! [laughter] >> taylor: bill, smile, you did it. you get points for that. wayne is leading with 44,000 points and kevin is in third and panelist as an award, please

take your seat on the bench, the front row seat for the first annual "after midnight" halftime show! [cheers and applause] making his network television debut, it is musical sensation and america's loop daddy, marc rebillet! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> what the hell is this! ♪ ♪ tried to catch it, throw it, get it, catch it, throw it ♪ get it, catch it, throw it ♪ ♪ get