>> public service announcement before he goes on tv in front of the whole country and says how stupid that was and how much he regrets it. >> yeah, we had a story on the show a couple of weeks ago a people pulling bear cubs out of a tree to take xers with them. this and that are in the same. thank you for watching. the late show with stephen colbert is coming up next. the news continues streaming on cbs news bay area. have a great night. >> apple wants you to know that it's new thing ipads are carrying all sorts of tools in a small space, but the way it went about showing that in a new ad is not getting rave reviews from the audience. >> we see creative objects being crushed to form the device. some viewers say it hits the wrong note, especially in the

state of artificial intelligence and automation. >> but that was an apples -- wasn't apple's only ipad that sparked controversy. >> your mom, your dad, and your sister. all of your best friends from college and your adorable frail grandmother. look at if you -- what if you could send them all with one device? new ipad pro, the thinnest graveyard yet. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight... damn, daniels! and ryan gosling takes the colbert questionert! plus, stephen welcomes... desi lydic! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band!

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: you're very kind! ladies and gentlemen, please have a seat! welcome! welcome one and all to what we saw dominic called "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] today at the manhattan district courthouse, stormy daniels took the stand for the second time to face some blistering cross-examination from trump's attorneys who did everything in their power to discredit daniels, but this was not her first rodeo. and they would have known that if they had seen her movie, "my third rodeo." it's very good.

it's part of a series. part of the series. if in their cross-examination, from's lawyers had one goal, portray her as a money-grubbing, sleazy, dishonest operator by attacking her social media posts and merchandise stale stomach sales. "and for more on why it is so wrong to be a money-grubbing sleazy merchandise seller, please buy my -- it's got words, i've updated it to include a s sexy little take on -- the main person doing the grilling was trump a 30 and therapist trying to make it through another one of your dumb stories, susan necklace. necklace really tried to throw storming off, suggesting that as a porn star, she had -- to which

stormie responded that the sex in such films is very much real and if the story of her night with trump had been made up, i would have written it to be a lot better. [applause] >> oh! >> stephen: damn! in addition to hearing about it, the jury got to see her spank him in real time. for years she was down with the nondisclosure agreement and couldn't talk about her time when afterwards for eventually breaking her silence, even though you agreed you would not discuss the story, you then decided you wanted to publicly say that you had sex with donald trump. stormy's response, "no. nobody would ever want to publicly say that. [laughter and cheering] that's good. that's good.

it is true, no one wants to admit to having sex with donald trump, that is why on don jr.'s birthday certificate the father is listed as "no comment." for weeks his trial has been -- yesterday on his day off from court, yesterday he hosted a dinner at mar-a-lago for buyers of his nft trading cards. he had his own little comic on. last time a president did that, jimmy carter had a booth where he would sign your peanuts. to remind you, a while back, a year ago, who knows, trump sold nft's with stirring we stupid images of things, came doing things like hanging out in space with a fire line, holding a guitar in a totally normal way and grilling burgers for dog that kristi noem will later shoot.

in this nft dinner was a special event for donors who fought at least 47 at 99 bucks a pop, if you do the math that meant these people spend at least $4,653 for jpegs of donald trump. for that same amount of money you could buy a vending machine& with a credit card reader and bill receptor and he would still have $54 left over for doritos and skittles, which coincidentally, where the entrees at trump's dinner on wednesday. some attendees also received physical cards with pieces of the suit and the tie that trump was wearing when he was arrested in georgia. the suit was actually kind of easy to do because it was already in scraps because that's just how trump gets undressed. "oh god, just cut me out, release my flesh from this poly blend prison! the jaws of life!

trump is not the only one making a fool of trump. this week the biden campaign is a kendrick lamar distract to attack trump's policies, possibly the most scathing use of hip-hop by a u.s. president since this immortal speech by fdr. >> the only thing we have to fear is... rats in the front room, roaches in the fact. don't push me because i'm close to the edge. i'm trying not to lose my head. it's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how i keep from going under. >> stephen: that's why they called him grand master frank. [cheers and applause] that's how they beat hitler! that's how he beat hitler! over on capitol hill capitol hill house speaker mike johnson easily survived a vote to oust him thanks to 163 democrats voting to protect his job, and to think those democrats, mike rubbed his

johnson all over voting rights by introducing a so-called "election integrity bill" aimed at keeping noncitizens from voting, though he did identify one minor flaw with his proposed legislation. >> some have noted that it's already a crime for noncitizens to vote in a federal election. and that is true. >> stephen: so, it's already a law. kind of redundant, like god's first draft of the ten commandments. thou shalt not kill, thou shall not murder, three, thou shall not push someone down elevator shaft. four, seriously, guys, enough with the murdering. not only is it already illegal, it's also not happening. research has shown that noncitizen voting is exceedingly rare. yeah! have you seen voter turnout? citizen voting also exceedingly rare. [applause]

reporters asked johnson about that. >> are you saying there are currently non-u.s. citizens voting federal elections and do you have an estimate of how many? >> the answer is that it's unanswerable. [laughter] >> stephen: are you the speaker of the house or a magic 8-ball? i just got some disturbing news, is this true? i got some disturbing news about cbs's parent company paramount. it's for sale and if sony entertainment and the finance group apollo acquire paramount, they plan to break it up. no, you can't break up para paramount! it's a mountain of entert entertainment. not several loose piles of amusements. evidently the plan would include auctioning off cable channels like mtv and the paramount+ streaming service as well as cbs. well, if it's an auction, i will start the bidding at $1.

do i hear $2? no? i own cbs. first order of business, i'm going on vacation. goodbye. [cheers and applause] i have been informed that i do not own cbs that the ed sullivan theater is being converted into a dollar general. of course the biggest story in politics is still yesterday's bombshell. brain worms! consistently independent candidate rfk jr. admitting that "a worm got into my brain and ate a portion of it, and then died." those the most shocking campaign slogan since ross perot, "there's a leech on my butt that controls my thoughts. i was prepared to let that bring worms life, but he responded and as you might imagine, his

response wasn't as sharp as it might have been because late yesterday tweeted "i offered you five more brain worms and still be president trump and president biden in a debate! bobby. you clearly don't understand how any of this works. you don't eat the worms, worms eat you! [applause] ♪ the worms go in, the worms go out ♪ ♪ in your stomach and out your mouth ♪ but he is so warm hungry he's already made a new campaign at. >> rfk jr. has the courage to lead, has a vision for america, and has a worm in his head that ate part of his brain and then died. most washington insiders would be worried about of another bringing worm, rfk jr. promising to eat five more.

probably because the part of the brain to tell them that's a bad idea was eaten by the first one. this november vote for rfk jr. >> stephen: we've got a great show for you tonight! from "the daily show," desi lydic is here and ryan gosling takes the colbert questionert. if when we come back, "meanwhile." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> "the late show" with stephen colbert sponsored by new tums gummy bites, fast heartburn relief in every yummy gummy b bite. heartburn makes you queasy? get fast relief with new tums+ upset stomach & nausea support, and love food back. (♪♪) when anyone in this house wears white,

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[applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: give it up for the band, everybody! the greatest band in late night. on television. of all time! coming up in just a few moments we have one of the anchors at "the daily show." been there for many years, desi lydic will be out here in just a moment. [cheers and applause] very funny young woman over there and none other than

mr. ryan gosling will be taking the... the colbert questionert, is pretty cute doing it. if you watch the show, nd i hope you do, you know that i spend most of my time right over there in the workshop that i shake coils to -- ed figural motifs before three stage fire killam perform this -- sometimes, just sometimes accidentally locked myself in the toolshed to catch roof runoff and punch a hole in the bottom of the rusty hand auger to drink from the shut ins ruffled jug of news that is my segment. a [cheers and applause] >> meanwhile!

>> stephen: catch it! catch the meanwhile fever. meanwhile... in new vodka news, there is one. it's called shooting star vodka and it's made by shooting its brew with a meteorite that was discovered in 1977. not sure how it will taste but it does give drivers a unique excuse when they get pulled over. "officer, i am not drunk. i will have you know, i have this." meanwhile, according to a new study, high level of ultra processed food are linked with early death and subjects through a largest processed meats, were more likely to die prematurely. well, thank goodness for this study! we weren't quite sure whether pounding cured ham and fudge was bad for your health. i look for to the next study, "fork in toaster winked to reduced aliveness."

[applause] i've got a little something. the study noted that participants who consumed the most, averaging seven servings of these foods per day or more, had a slightly higher risk of dying early. wait a second! you're telling me that science says i can eat seven sin the buns or more a day with only a slightly higher risk? was this study authored by dr. me? meanwhile, cold stone creamery is being sued over its pistachio ice cream because it's made with no pistachios. that is outrageous, and i would like to inform the audience at this opportunity that every single point of stephen colbert's american dream is at least 7% -- at least 7% stephen colbert. i for one wanted a higher

percentage but ben & jerry's rejected my original idea, stephen colbert's jose can you see. meanwhile. meanwhile, boeing, the number one reason you are looking over that in-flight safety cardigan, it's been a rough year for boeing from holes popping open on the side of planes from wheels falling off the ground to engines catching on fire. hits keep on coming and everyone is okay. yesterday another boeing plane narrowly avoided disaster after a landing gear failure. here's the footage. fun fact, that is the gentlest fedex has ever delivered a package. laughter [cheers and applause] okay. sure. since the making planes thing is going so well, they've decided to branch out to spaceships. since 2014 they've been working with nasa to develop the star liner spacecraft, which was

supposed to launch this week but the star liner launch was scrubbed over concerns about an oxygen relief valve. a technical term boeing uses for "the door was go. [applause] meanwhile, apple has confirmed a bug that is keeping some ipone alarms from sounding, and an issue causing some iphone alarms to not play the expected sound. it's a subtle difference, but see if you can hear what customers are complaining about. >> alarm! alarm! [accordion] >> stephen: we will be right back with ryan gosling! the right toothpaste!se dr. c?! ♪♪

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[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody, we are back with ryan gosling. it's always lovely to have you on and since we are both kens no, i feel like we have a brotherhood and that is something you can't explain. >> we are a hive mind now. >> stephen: i know exactly what you're thinking and feeling and i agree. >> and i'm not kenfused about

any of it. >> stephen: even when your brothers like we are, there are times when you wish i wish i knew this person better. we here at "the late show" have come up with a surefire way of penetrating the bark of isolation that we wrap around our hearts as human beings and getting to know and opening up that person to the world so they can be fully known. it's called the colbert questionert and i was wondering -- >> like a mature schedule, you just keep pulling layers. >> stephen: exactly. >> but what happens to him? how do you put me back together? >> stephen: we don't. because all those other dolls weren't the real you, you are the little thing that needs to be left. >> i spent years pulling them out to protect little me. >> stephen: i can't help you. i guess the question is more than anything else, and i see there is a little fear in your eyes and i'm just curious, do

you have the courage to face the colbert questionert? >> yes. [cheers and applause] usable musical >> stephen: ryan gosling first question, what is the best sandwich. >> ice cream. [applause] >> stephen: i see how this is going to go. >> you can have all the sandwiches in the world and it would be a tough decision. but the iced him sandwich, decision is made for you. the one do you look around the edges back >> that is not agribusiness, business, sir. [laughter and applause] >> stephen: ryan gosling, what was your first concert that you went to? >> elvis perry. >> stephen: who is that? >> my uncle perry. >> stephen: who performed as elvis humectants geico yeah.

>> stephen: was a good? >> he was amazing. the best i've ever seen. >> stephen: did that make you want to be a performer? >> absolutely. would you play? >> i gave out teddy bears. >> stephen: did you get paid? >> no. >> stephen: what is the scariest animal? >> man. [applause] or the mosquito. kill more people than anything else. >> stephen: absolutely. i'm just letting that sink in. it's true, the mosquito has killed more people than any creature on earth. apples or oranges? >> that's tough. >> stephen: colbert questionert takes no prisoners. >> the oranges help with the

scurvy of it all. >> stephen: they do. >> and i do not want that again. but the apple you can make it lbong out of. >> stephen: have you ever asked someone for their autograph? >> oh, yeah. >> stephen: may i ask who? >> the first person i asked was the ultimate warrior, and he said no. one i can understand macho man said no. >> the first person to give it to me was miss angela bassett. >> stephen: i'm just curious, that night, who was she wrestling? >> i had just seen what's love got to do with it, and the last person -- >> stephen: where did you run into her? >> at the amc movie theater. >> stephen: she was just there? >> she was with sinbad. i don't know if they were with

each other, they were just talking. in the last person i got was jim jay bullock for ava, she's a big jim jay bullock fan. >> stephen: what do you happens when we die back >> we wake up. [laughter] >> stephen: i am not here to question your cosmology. favorite action movie? can't say "fall guy was cool. >> damn it. this is not the best one but it was called no retreat, no surrender and firstly was visiting this kid in his mirror and teaching him how to fight bullies. and you know that can only happen in movies it can kind of made me love movies. >> stephen: you identify with the kid? >> yeah. i wanted bruce lee to appear. he didn't, but "rambo."

>> stephen: "first blood?" go who was just john, and they made him be rambo. they forced him to be rambo. >> he just wanted a cup of coffee, they forced him out of town. >> stephen: all right, i'm going to kill everyone. window or aisle? >> exit row. these days i want to have control over that. >> stephen: that's good. >> window, exit row. >> stephen: favorite smell? >> it's hard not to give it to flowers on this one, they've been working hard for millions of years. but i want to say dogs paws. have you noticed this? that year smell like nachos or

popcorn. >> stephen: what are you feeding your dog's? >> all dogs. my dog is no longer with us, he had the perfect blend, it was nachos and popcorn. pretty good smell. the one that's nice, least favorite smell? >> i should say flowers and then i would say flower water? ironically, it's the antithesis, but did you ever have a razor phone? >> stephen: i had one of those motorola razors. >> it had the snow if little keypad. >> stephen: that's where your mouth is breathing on it. >> i tested others. >> stephen: you would say let me smell your phone? >> amazing size, amazing phone. >> stephen: why can't this well-liked my dog?

earliest memory? >> my mom used to bake cakes as a side hustle and they remembered one morning breaking up to the smell of a baked cake and i went into the kitchen and she had made this wedding cake and she plugged it in and this waterfall came down and she had built a motor into it and there was water falling down and i remember thinking my mom is pretty cool. [applause] >> stephen: cats or dogs? i don't have another option. >> both. you want to live with a cat what you want to hang out with a dog. >> stephen: and you lived with the cat because? if you are not hanging out with the cat >> they are a great roommate.

>> stephen: they don't make a poop. >> exactly. the purring is nice. >> stephen: sometimes if you don't move much and you are warm they will sit on you. did you have a terrible roommate when you are a young guy trying to make it or were you the terrible roommates? >> may be. >> stephen: okay. >> stephen: one song to listen to for the rest of your life, what is it? you don't have to listen to it continually but when you go to listen to music, is what it is. >> "push it" by salt and pepper. and it's great advice. >> stephen: keep it simple. >> push it. and if you're going to do it, push it really good. [laughter] >> stephen: what number am i thinking of? >> and it's not pi.

>> stephen: interesting. >> 2! >> stephen: no. you can only think of one. >> you are thinking of it now. >> stephen: i'm still thinking of mine. now i'm thinking pi. of described the rest of your life in five words. >> "run it by ava first." >> narrator: >> stephen: congratulations, you are known ! >> stephen: congratulations, you are known! ryan gosling, "the fall guy!" we will be right back. this isn't charmin! no wonder i don't feel as clean.

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[cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! you know my next guest is one of the hosts of "the daily show." please welcome to "the late show," desi lydic! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> nice digs! >> stephen: thanks very much,

it is a lovely theater. >> lovely feeder lovely host, lovely audience! [applause] >> stephen: you been a correspondent 2016? i loved working there. what's the experience been like for you to make >> the greatest up on the planet. it is so much fun and i was a huge fan of the show for many, many years and watching you and wanting to do exactly what you did but i don't know if you know this, but you've left a huge mark on the show. do you know this? >> stephen: you can have that steamed out, what did i do? >> you have this secret document that's been passed around. >> stephen: i was asked to give advice to rob riddle in 2005 because i had left and jon

said can i send a correspondent to you to explain what the gig is. >> you wrote this incredible document. it's a ten-point guideline on how to make a great field piece. >> stephen: right. field pieces are like how you get a comedy when you're out there, you have to come back with it no matter what. >> that's right. if got to get the piece, you've got to get a great interview and it's one of those jobs where no one really tells you how to do the job, you kind of get thrown into it into her like i guess i will figure this out. >> stephen: go interview this man who lives with rattlesnakes. >> have fun! no security. so you wrote this amazing rulebook and it's been passed around. >> stephen: any pearl of wisdom that you remember? >> no. not one thing has come in handy. we passed it on, jordan passed it to me, i passed it to other correspondence, it's been

immensely helpful, so now that i'm hosting the show, i'm waiting for my -- >> stephen: it's a totally different gig. let me ask you this, so you correspondent for many years. now you are hosting. what's the difference to you? what feels different because it is a totally different job. >> totally different thing, you know very well. the only way that i can describe it is it feels like you are a passenger in an airplane and suddenly someone tells you you need to jump into the cockpit and take the controls and your kind of like building the plane in the air as you are flying. you know? how can i describe -- like boeing! [applause] >> stephen: a lot of discovery to go long. >> i think that's how they do it now. >> stephen: what was your path, how did you get the gig? i got the gig because literally i worked for abc news at the time. i had written or dana carvey, i'd written for "snl" briefly and then i didn't have a job and

i was the corresondent for abc news for "good morning america" and i hated it. and it was just to pay the rent because i had a baby and somebody called and said hey, you should go see "the daily show" and i had no idea what it was and i got the gate and then found out i got in the best gig in the world. >> it truly, truly is. it's a little different now. i was not able to work at abc news before i -- i waited tables for many years before getting this gig but i auditioned three times over the years, i wanted it so badly, and the third time that i audi auditioned, you know, you prepare a self tape, you write your own piece and into a couple of his -- >> stephen: by the time they got to you they had standards because i just walked in and said what is the show. >> things changed very much. it became a very coveted show to be part of because of your work on the show, i will say. because of your work. it's true. [applause]

>> stephen: so you walked in and you nailed it. >> i walked in, i nailed it, i submitted a tape and it was months before he heard -- months before i heard anything back and i thought that's it, three times, it's a no-go in and six months later i get a call to come meet the new host of the show, trevor noah and by the time i got that call i was pregnant with my child and i thought oh god, this is my dream job and we are so excited to be expecting but do i tell them, do i not tell them and so i flew to new york, i auditioned, and then i waited after, like a weird actor, to talk to the incredible showrunner, producer of the show, and i told her, i go look, this is my dream job, i will be here tomorrow if asked but you should know that i do starting the job pregnant and without even batting an eye she was like great, amazing, congratulations, we will use it on the show, or we won't use it, whatever you

want! and i have not left since. >> stephen: that's lovely. [applause] >> pretty cool. pretty cool. >> stephen: so you were waiting tables before you got this gig? did you enjoy that? i did five years behind the apron. [laughter] >> i did not. i did not enjoy it but it's probably because i was a terrible waitress. >> stephen: what did you do wrong? >> we would always have these very intricate specials as part of every night's menu and i could never remember the specials so i would just make them up. >> stephen: literally you would make them up? what if they order them? >> "i'm so sorry, we are out of that tonight, it was so popular, we just couldn't keep up with demand." >> stephen: if i could put you on the spot, i love the dash do you have any specials tonight? >> i'm so glad you asked her yes, we have a delightful veal

shoulder with a peppercorn rub and a clementine brassy tap tapenade. the under notes are very grassy clementine reduction. >> stephen: excellent. >> you're probably wondering what comes on the side. >> stephen: yeah, did you have any sites? i love a little bit. >> yeah. we have a preinfused polenta dust. it's just the dash because it's the best part. and you just sprinkle that right at the table. right at the table we do that. >> stephen: you sprinkle the polenta? >> we do. >> stephen: i will take the veal. >> you should hear about the desserts. my colleague is so great. would you tell the people about

the desserts tonight? >> stephen: we have an espresso granita that is absolutely amazing and that is served over ace thin slice of a pair tiramisu. caramelized pair inside the tiramisu and of course we've always got cheesecake. there's always room for cheesecake. >> that is so delightful. >> stephen: did you make money doing this? >> i did. it's a miracle, it's an absolute miracle. >> stephen: i loved being a waiter, i loved being slammed. i love being busy. >> there's a rush. and the best part is you just leave it all behind when you walk away, just go home and just leave it all behind. >> stephen: you mean at the end of the day? >> maybe that was part of my problem. >> stephen: we have to take a quick break. but don't go anywhere, we will be back with more desi lydic. stick around.

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you're really making all of this by hand. oh yeah. the avocados are hand mashed, the chips are hand tossed. and everything is made fresh you make it fresh every day. yes, every day. the chipotle way is: we make it fresh every day. sounds delicious.

[cheers and applause] >> stephen: we are back with "the daily show"'s desi lydic. as a host, just curious, you interview a ton of people when you're doing the correspondent pieces and for people who don't know, a lot of times you interview three or four people in a single piece to talk about whatever the story is but then as the host of the show you have

to have an actual honest conversation with someone at the desk. what's that like for you, to be yourself, not sort of the character of the correspondent and actually talk to guests on the show? >> yes. that is something that i definitely had to wrap my mind around and get used to because as a correspondent, as you know, you're playing a very arched character and kind of taking these big swings at jokes what you always have the armor of being in character when you are hosting a show, it's a vulnerable experience. you have to be comfortable being you in saying this is what i think of this is what i find funny with 20 genius comedy writers behind you, but it is. it feels really vulnerable and you have to kind of get comfortable with that. >> stephen: jon stewart is back over on mondays, right? >> yeah. >> stephen: he's not here, let's just talk frankly. >> honestly. >> stephen: he's a monster. >> he's a terrible person, just a tyrant.

i started the show with forever, so this is the first time that i got to work with -- he's the best. >> stephen: sad that save any money and he had to go back to work. just terrible. >> we are just so lucky that here in this country it's nearly impossible to retire. we get the benefit from that. >> stephen: there's a lot happening in the news right now. there should be an election going on, this should be a make news because you got the trump trial, you got the middle east, you've got the presidential campaign such as it is, you've got the worm in the brain. >> that was a big story. >> stephen: what do you guys talk about, were you looking forward to talking document >> the stormy trial has been incredible. i feel like we are in this moment in time when the news has just sort of given up. the fact that they continue to call her stormy daniels, her porn name and not stefan

clifford, if tom hanks went on trial and they said okay, now taking the stand is forre forrest gump. it's weird, right? kind of weird. [applause] "the daily show" errors weeknights on comedy central. desi lydic, everybody! we will be right back! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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>> stephen: good night! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪