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nice to see a bank cutting people some slack. mistakes happen. and we give you time to correct them. so, you don't like gnomes huh? what about that one? that one i like. a lot. ♪ bmo ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> taylor: welcome back to "after midnight"! we all have guilty pleasures, like chocolate, or reality tv shows, or asmr tiktok vids. ♪ ♪ [sound effects] that's not mine. i've never seen that. don't look at me and don't look at my search history. now it's your turn to defend your guiltiest pleasure in our next game, "innocent or guilty pleasure." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ before the show, i asked each of you for your guilty pleasure and told you it wasn't for tv, but it was. sorry. each of you will rotate being

the defendant, prosecution and judge. if you're the defendant, you'll defend your guilty pleasure for the court. the prosecution will cross-examine you, and the judge will decide if you deserve to be punished for your guilty pleasure. first up is joe! you're defending your guilty pleasure to district attorney oswalt, and judge crews will decide your fate. >> order! >> taylor: joe, your guilty pleasure is dog chiropractors. [panting] joe, make your case. >> look at this look of joy and elation after being adjusted. that crack, it's cathartic. and i can't get enough of it. it's delicious. and my algorithm is completely [bleep] now because of it. [cheers and applause] joe, make your case. >> look at this look of joy and

elation after being adjusted. that crack, it's cathartic. and i can't get enough of it. it's delicious. and my algorithm is completely [bleep] now because of it. [cheers and applause] >> taylor: d.a. oswalt, any questions? >> he makes a good story, but what he likes to paint as transcendence and happiness is actually a face of terror! i submit to you that these canines are being taken on a ride of shock and awe, thank you. [cheers and applause]

>> taylor: well, it's judgment time, judge crews is he guilty or innocent of dog chiropractors. if guilty, what is his punishment. >> looking at the evidence i can see that patton has no idea what he is talking about, because that is clearly a look of relief on that precious dogs face! i say joe is innocent! [cheers and applause] completely innocent! >> no. >> taylor: wow. i mean, that scene was oscar bait. incredible. next up is patton, you are defending to district attorney

crews and judge manganiello. you wil be defending crossword puzzles. please make your case. >> life is complicated, things really make sense, things really fit where they are supposed to, except in crossword puzzles! this is my one place where the joy of fairness and logic holds sway. and i can spread that joy to the rest of the world. thank you. [cheers and applause] >> taylor: it is compelling, d.a. crews, any questions? >> spoken like a true

narcissist. this vein activity does nothing for the world! >> hey now. >> this benign pleasure! i'm going to use the biggest worst i can think of! and i'm going to get them wrong, but please, this has no judgment on the case. the fact is that this activity has no good you super the world. if albert einstein had been working on crosswords -- crossword puzzles, we would have never ever discovered the theory of relativity ever. first of all, this is so useless, and it is in nature. no more of the crosswords. i rest my case. [cheers and applause]

did i say it right? did i say that correctly? >> order, order. big word. >> taylor: i think it's judgment time. d.a., come back over here, please. >> d.a. crews. i have heard both sides. mr. crews, you speak of masturbation and i see a grid that is to be filled out with pencils and a man with no shortage of lead and his pencils, so i am ruling in favor of mr. oswalt! and benal is also the answer to 20 across. >> taylor: there you have it!

justice has been served. finally, we have terry! [cheers and applause] terry, you will be defending your guilty pleasure of dumbbells. terry, please make your case! >> i want to say that the arms don't come lightly, you have to earn them! and i even brought one with me that matches my outfit. i am here to tell you that it has been a perfect piece of exercise equipment, because first of all, you don't have to get the big, heavy ones.

you can get a little one like this and just keep doing it over and over again. and you will see results, that's if you add one big one. so let me tell you, if albert einstein -- i want to bring this up again. albert einstein, i heard, he picked up a dumbbell and it was in the weight room and discovered gravity. it all came to him, the theory relativity. >> may i examine the barbell? gravity is affecting it. >> yes, it is. i tell you, there has never been invented a better piece of exercise equipment that exercises your mind as well as your body. i rest my case! >> taylor: d.a. manganiello, any questions? >> i have a lot of questions. we can sit here and debate how

swol albert einstein was. but we cannot debate is that dumbbells take up a lot of space. and i ask you, mr. crews, have you ever gone to the gym and seen all of the dumbbells in a los angeles gym put in the right place on the rack? i ask you and the jury, wouldn't it just be easier to have a machine? >> no, no, it would not. no. not at all. >> taylor: a pretty good rebuttal. all right, judgment time, joe, you can come back over here for sentencing. >> i rest my case. judge patton oswalt, is he guilty or innocent? >> this is one of the most difficult cases across my

courtroom, both were well felt and passionate. mr. crews coming to your defense was multidisciplinary, brilliant, and to the point, but i hate jocks, guilty. >> come on! >> taylor: great job, everyone we're submitting this tape to cbs for their next long-running legal drama, so clear your schedules. when we come back, we'll enlist in a war that never ends: hashtag wars! stick around. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ the winner of yesterday's "hashtag wars" comes from instagram user using a pseudonym, that was delightful. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [ cellphone chimes ] -[ clears throat ] -sorry, honey. it's a work thing. -mine's also a work thing. i just need someone to cover my shift. [ cellphone buzzes ] -yup, so is mine. alan says your business vehicle is now covered with progressive. protected 24/7 -- just like your home and auto. oh, that's great! so dinner time is just phone time now? sorry...

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[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> taylor: welcome back to "after midnight"! currently terry and joe are all tied up at 2400 points. [buzzer] it's time for tonight's elimination game "hashtag wars"! ♪ ♪ as we all know, today is june 18th, the same day that, in 1815, napoleon was defeated in waterloo. duh. we all know that! so to honor our favorite short king, today's hashtag is #shortkingsin3words examples include, "can't reach shelf" and

"always needs tailor." at the end of this round, whoever has the lowest amount of points will be eliminated. okay? you hear that, patton? >> and yes, i get the short king thing, brilliant. [cheers and applause] >> taylor: [laughs] i'm going to put 60 seconds on the clock and you'll buzz in with as many jokes as you can for tonight's topic. go. patton. >> bakery injury. >> taylor: patton. >> i am patton oswalt. better in bed. >> pick fights oses. too much power. >> taylor: joe. >> training luke skywalker. >> tasty little man let.

>> taylor: joe. >> tall down there! >> taylor: patton. >> stepladder lover. >> loves to overcompensate. >> taylor: patton. >> kev in hart. >> taylor: oh, my god, patton and terry are now tied with 4900 points, which means sadly joe is eliminated. so, so sorry, everyone. before you go, please snatch on your fellow contestants like you are their sibling. >> mom, my buzzer would not work, because the cbs company wants me to lose, because i host an nbc show! it's not fair! >> wow! >> taylor: wow!

>> the conspiracy theorists are going to lose their minds on that one! >> taylor: i mean, i can't say anything about it. can't tag that joke. i work for cbs. thank you, joe for bringing that to light, take care. [applause] >> taylor: we've come to the final act of our show, which means it's time to pick a winner. panelists, for the win... we're playing too long; didn't read, or as the internet called tldr. your job is to summarize a length body of work in only one sentence. your body of work is: adam sandler's filmography. he's a prolific filmmaker with dozens of films, so sum them up

for us. after the break, we'll hear your short, digestible summaries and declare a winner. we'll be right back on "after midnight"! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ talenti salted caramel truffle layers, with creamy salted caramel gelato. -bradley. -it's cookies. -i can see the cookies, the jar is see-through. -i knew that. -i knew you knew that. talenti. raise the jar. could this be menopause? clearblue menopause stage indicator

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wins. did not mention it. kind of [bleep] right? it's like 1:30 in the morning, what the [bleep] do you care? panelists, let's see what you said. >> sometimes sad, sometimes loud. >> taylor: and terry? >> weird guy meets hot lady. >> taylor: by one word, patton's was shorter, which means he is the winner! congratulations! you won a fake game show. and you also won the signed copy of "we bought a zoo!" thanks to our contestants patton oswalt, terry crews, and joe manganiello! join us tomorrow when our guests will be james davis, laurie kilmartin, and ashley nicsole black! i'm taylor tomlinson, and this has been "after midnight"!

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now at 11:00, an opening night surprise at the dnc. >> this is going to be a great week. >> electrifying, i had no idea she was going to be coming out. >> we catch up with those from the bay area who traveled out to chicago to support kamala harris. >> in the words of the great steph curry, we can tell donald trump, night, night. plus, another meltdown on b.a.r.t. that had passengers ditching their train. >> i pulled the lever and opened the emergency doors and i jumped out. >> what this means for tomorrow morning's commute.

and what's up with the moon tonight? the rare double event that may have you do a double take. from kpix, this is the late news with sara donchey on cbs news bay area. >> good evening, i'm juliette goodrich, in for sara tonight. we're on late because of the dnc. colbert's coming up right after our newscast. all right, night one of the democratic national convention in chicago now in the books with a newly reenergized party coming together to hype up its presidential nominee, kamala harris. there were some surprises. harris herself briefly took the stage to thank president biden for his service. and today's theme for the people featuring big name speakers including hillary clinton, california senator laphonza butler, and california lieutenant governor. and this man who needs no introduction in the bay area, steve kerr. and the night wrapped up with

president biden delivering the keynote speech. cbs' skyler henry gives us a look. >> reporter: vice president kamala harris briefly took the stage on night one of the dnc to greet almost 5,000 delegates and tens of thousands of party faithful as a democratic party nominee. >> this is going to be a great week. and i want to kick us off by celebrating our incredible president joe biden. >> reporter: the day one themed for the people ealso belonged to president biden, who delivered the keynote address after stepping aside in his bid for a second term. >> are you ready to vote for freedom? are we ready to vote for democracy and for america? >> reporter: former secretary

of state hillary clinton gave an emotional address, imploring democrats to keep fighting. >> the future is here, it's in our grasp, let's go win it. >> reporter: first lady jill biden also spoke. >> kamala and tim, you will win. >> reporter: this is the 12th time chicago has hosted the convention, including 1968, when the dnc brought violent protests which overshadowed much of what was happening on the stage. >> how many kids do you kill today? >> reporter: police made a handful of arrests after some pushed through a first level of fencing. >> the whole world's watching. >> hello, democrats. >> reporter: the four day event will feature speeches from barack obama and bill clinton. harris will be back thursday to formally accept the party's nomination for president. >> harris grew up in berkeley, and those bay area roots were highlighted today at the dnc. our ryan yamamoto heard from

one local delegate who lived just a few blocks away from her and is now hoping to see harris take the white house. hello, ryan. >> reporter: hey, jules, how you doing? well, tonight was supposed to be about president joe biden officially passing the torch to kamala harris and also for the party to say thank you to the president. and while that all did happen, the biggest surprise and the biggest moment of the night was a special appearance by kamala harris. call it a shock. call it a surprise. it was the moment of day one at the democratic national convention. >> this november we will come together and declare with one voice, as one people we are moving forward. >> reporter: kamala harris making a surprise appearance as the delegates on the floor at the united center literally lost their minds. including san

francisco native and california state controller malia cohen. >> electrifying. i had no idea she was going to be coming out. so it was so amazing to come out, and i think it speaks to who she is, right? opening up the ceremony, opening up this entire week saying thank you to joe, this is joe biden's night, and to have her come out, i mean, just a classy lady, a classy move. >> reporter: longtime delegate and volunteer kath delaney from the east bay and who lives only ten minutes from where kamala grew up in the bay area, it was a treat to see the vice president. >> it was thrilling. i mean, i -- did you hear the hall? i mean, i'd never heard anything like it. i mean, there's so much joy and excitement and momentum and purpose. and people are very, very focused to go home and work. >> reporter: but while kamala harris' appearance was the shock of day one, the night still belonged to joe biden. a

moment of gratitude from the party to the president. >> i think what he did was a heroic effort just stepping aside and recognizing that the time is calling for a different leader and being humble enough to do that. >> so an early appearance by kamala harris, but of course, the big night will happen on thursday when she officially accepts the party's nomination. but i'll tell you what, jules, we had no idea kamala harris was going to take the stage. in fact, we were wrapping up our live shots at 6:00 when all of a sudden we heard this roar coming from united center. we look out, and there she was, mic in hand, addressing the crowd. and this crowd was going absolutely nuts. >> i bet. you read my thoughts, because we just finished up a live shot with you at 6:00, and then minutes later, i heard a producer tell me in my ear, kamala harris is taking the stage. and i thought, wait a second, doesn't that come on thursday? so huge surprise to the media also, who usually has a little hint of what the

schedule will be. >> reporter: absolutely no one knew. >> yeah. >> reporter: it was amazing. >> well, we'll keep our heads up for tuesday and wednesday as well. so ryan, i'm glad it's quiet now, but get ready for another day and appreciate your reporting. thank you so much. all right, fresh off the paris olympic, warriors head coach steve kerr also spoke tonight, vowing his support for the harris/walz ticket. >> and i cannot think of a better metaphor for what this country is all about than the way team usa came together at the olympics. players who have shed tears trying to beat one another throughout their careers joining forces to wear the red, white, and blue. >> and with harris' bay area background, there was a lot of curiosity about the dnc at home. manny's in san francisco hosted a watch party tonight. our kelsi thorud caught up with one voter. >> reporter: well, it was just

about a month ago here at manny's the day after president biden announced that he was dropping out of the race for the white house. now we are back, this time for night one of the dnc, a night filled with excitement for the presidential candidate and bay area native kamala harris. huddled around tables, eyes glued to the tv, excited san francisco democrats watched on as the woman who first made her name here in the bay area took her place as the democratic nominee for president at day one of the democratic national convention. >> i'm glad that she spoke right away. >> reporter: tina martin was taking notes during the night's speeches. she told me she was pleasantly surprised at how engaging the speakers were. >> i was afraid they were going to wait until the fourth night to have a lot of great speakers, but they started off this way. i think that was really important. >>