tv V krugu druzei RUSSIA1 February 3, 2024 11:50am-12:51pm MSK
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a malignant tumor can be already in the early stages, about our best doctors, our new technologies, we will live, we will lead the week, sunday 20:00, we will follow the development of major events in russia and abroad, stay with us! “a wonderful boy, he is the only thing that connects me with his mother, i believed, not only did he change me, he also lied to me all these years, you need to move on with your life, tomorrow you go to work with your head held high, the next since i suggest we dine at a restaurant, you agree, someone else's child, premiere, today" on rtr rtr
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planet, more than just television, it ’s a piece of russia on every screen of the planet, they flew, the loudest premieres, how did i get here, and the post is corporate, or what, who are you, and you’re bad you know bender . you don’t need a motive for a cunning murder, that it was on the strip, i don’t know, dogs, in my opinion, exciting series, we are gathering an orchestra, we will perform shastakovich’s seventh symphony , whoever does not take risks, luck does not smile on us, we have everything it will work out, i will operate, i it’s scary, as if i’m not me, unfortunately, neither the motive for the murder nor the connection between the murders is visible, but there is one. and we will find
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her, i remind you once again that this is my investigation, let’s agree in advance, you are the coach, i am the player, breathtaking shows and the best music, and you generally spend most of your life on your feet or on your head, i don’t even know, i want to read, please read, i can’t read, turn on the music blogger, nadezhda, she relies on the song of russia, in general russia is very melodious. country, inimitable humor and entertainment for any taste. i poured a basin of hot water over myself and went to my wife, i said, i’m leaving, i looked around, she had already packed my things. meeting the stars, what is more difficult, becoming a good person or staying? the question is, of course, interesting, both difficult and different. you are the most understanding program about animals among friends. when difficult trials come into our lives. it is very
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important to unite and not betray anyone, no matter what happens. live: the story of a mysterious disappearance. the whole studio is discussing the nature of the conflict, why the mother and son and daughter-in-law have not communicated for 5 years. cutting-edge documentary. and now the flag of the russian federation is rising over the norwegian sea. this was one of the most striking episodes of historical triumph. our soviet people brought liberation to the peoples of europe.
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yes, there is no way that such things are happening in these clinics that i have forever decided to go to them, not with my foot, nor with any other part of my body, too, hello? zoya fedorovna, yes, hello, my dear, of course, i recognized you, how glad i am to hear from you, zoya fedorovna, yes, no need to shout at me, zoya fedorovna, no need, a dimple has appeared on the forehead, this is a navel, so, come on, come to my clinic in 2 -3-4 days, i’ll decorate your navel, fashionable. i’ll get a piercing with a bead, of course, as part of a promotion , and a bead as a gift, yes, zoya fedorovna, that’s it, goodbye, yes, zoya fedorovna sharpe, i called, hello, hello!
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hello, do you recognize me, no, it’s strange, tell me why, why, why, why, why, i got it, how do i know, why did you get sick, maybe after yesterday, no, i got sick - that’s my last name. and anastasia ivanovna is coming, do you recognize? no, it’s strange, you, you performed on me, what kind of operation? i’m interested in this, to find out, damn it, what is it
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called, the operation for a promotion, for which promotion, december 31st, december, there’s a lot on that day. that pump up your lip with us, get playful eyes, for sure, and i look at how you know me, and how i know that look, i did it, there’s so much fire in your look, i just want to follow you, with this problems no
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they did it for me, so it turns out that, what, i don’t understand, i say, you also rolled out the lips for me, but the lip turned out to be absolutely amazing, i feel it, especially in windy weather, do you like it? i don’t know how to answer in monosyllables, there are problems, what are they? i can't drink coffee, why? flows out, uh-huh, no i can swim in open bodies of water, rivers, ponds, lakes, that’s why, the fish comes
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to kiss, listen to me, well, well, what is a fish, a fish, yes, it’s important what they say. people, yes, here is your husband, this is what he said, when he saw my lip, yes, he asked why the bees took revenge on me, and then, when he found out... that i paid for all this beauty with his credit card, he said , said, something needs to be screwed somewhere so that something will fall into place, then he packed his things, wrote poems, moved out, yes, moved out, yes, and what poems, what poems, personal poems, dramatic, let's read, doctor, this is personal, i'm allowed, i'm a doctor. it’s all over between us, i’ll say goodbye at the end,
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darling, with those lips, you need to wear thongs on your face, but we didn’t give you thongs, no, doctor, what were you entitled to, of course, promotions, on sale, two sets for the price of three , so that’s it, there, go, go. find a cash register, pay for the thongs and just go, doctors , another question, what kind of lump appeared, that is, this wasn’t there before, no, but before everything was smooth here, but i remembered, back then day there was another promotion, yes, come and pump your lip, you will get breasts, breasts, breasts as a bonus. breasts, yes, these are breasts, then i have another question, excuse me, but why one, why
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one, why one, then the second one, dusa, why there? well, why there , why there, why there, because it slipped, the chest is a landslide, well, just tell me, this is normal, doctor, you know, this is normal for... implants have a period of migration, he will take a walk, walk and come back, it turns out , i have a husband, an implant, in what sense, my mother said, he will take a walk and come back, you know, i i’ll tell you one thing, it will be very useful for you, yes, i really hope there are problems, problems, what, today i was walking down the street, pascalt milk, fell forward , fell forward, spring back, fall back, spring forward, fall forward, spring back , fell
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back, sprang forward, i understood, you did, but the old man on the bench, no, ran up, cut off the kick and said, vanya is sick of it, get up, catch the balance, my neck is jammed, you spoke to me with all my teeth, i’m here now i’m standing there and can’t understand why you came to me, doctor, my husband hinted that you were doing something they didn’t finish it, he said something was in place? yes, he should get up, but why didn’t he say? listen, i agree with your husband , it’s great that you came, yes, we have a wonderful procedure, in order to start life anew, you need to pump up your gyrus, you get one gyrus as a gift, the second is only 100, and 100 rubles . yes, 100.
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seryozha, who are you writing to? home. did you mean to say home? home. i installed a smart home system. i want him to vacuum and prepare dinner before i arrive. clear. thanks for reminding me. i also need it urgently write. do you also have a smart home? congratulations. well, you have to agree, it’s a good thing. what system do you have? systems wife. and i want to tell you. this is the most reliable system, i don’t trust all these gadgets, so i don’t have a smart,
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but a cozy home, thanks to my wife, yurka, you are hopelessly behind the times, one of our mutual friends was also afraid of these gadgets at first, and then nothing, he got used to it, citizens, in the village where i live, there is internet, but it’s expensive. there is, but we have only one computer, at the post office, so in the morning at the post office there is a line of patients, well, you bring the sore spot to screen, well, who brings what, you know, the doctor looks, looks, and how to close it, drink
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chamomile, like this... we drink, we insist on alcohol, we drink, and my daughter and her husband live in the capital, they invited me to stay with them, well, my grandmother i left at home, came, oh, i’ll tell you a secret, my daughter got married very successfully, oh, great job. for a young oligarch, yes, you know what a chmo is, by the way a young oligarch, they have a domino so big, oh, i’ve never seen one like that,
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says to me: hello, how... what would you like some food? i say, damn it, crap, she says, your dish of clay with crap will be ready in 3 minutes, i say: oh, in general! she says: but you didn’t buy vegetables, so you’ll run out of money, even the toilet is... turned out to be, i go to the toilet, there’s a voice: hello, relax, please, i almost relaxed out of fear, he says: please sit down, i
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think it’s amazing how far technology has come, i was just about to change seats, a voice suggests, let’s... get to know each other, word for word, it turned out that i talked to the toilet for half an hour, we discussed the latest news, oh we talked about politics, i said that now all over the world everything is done through one place. he completely agreed with me, since he is a great expert in this field. listen, we had such a nice conversation with him, i even forgot why i came. in the evening i wanted to eat. i pull
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the refrigerator handle, the parasite doesn’t open and in a nasty voice he says: after six it’s bad to eat, i say, i don’t eat, i ’ll drink, drink vodka, drink dumplings, this, of course, drink, the refrigerator says, there’s nothing worse than a fat grandfather, but as i say, he grabbed it. i swung the stool, the refrigerator immediately opened the door, but the stool could no longer be stopped, there were eggs in the refrigerator , well... i hit the stool in the balls, but since then, at any time of the day or night, the refrigerator sees me and opens the door shouts:
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bon appetit, this is how i live, like i live in a madhouse, every morning, hello, kettle, hello, microwave, how are you, mr. toilet? on the third day, my nerves gave way, to be honest, i went into the kitchen , there was a microwave behind me, it said to me: good afternoon, i said, listen, you fool, shut up , please, i’m already annoying with my nasty voice, the voice says, i’m sorry, i won’t do it again , i turn around and i see my mother-in-law sitting in the corner? i arrived, well, it happens that i don’t get lost in the city, i can, i don’t know,
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it’s a big city, so they gave me a navigator, a handy thing, it tells me where to go, where roll up, what to do, my daughter calls somehow, we are in a restaurant, dad, come, the restaurant is called magadan, get out of the metro. tell the navigator the name of the restaurant, he will lead you. well, i got out of the metro , took out the navigator and said: magadan, he says: the route has been built, go straight, 10,000 km, 2 hours later my daughter calls, dad, well, you’ll be soon anyway, i say how soon, i’ve just completed the mcat, i try not
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to deal with these gadgets, i decided to write a letter to my grandmother, well, it’s a sacred thing, i have to write, i took a pen and paper, as expected, my grandchildren tell me, grandfather, you a dinosaur, by golly, it's the 21st century - send a letter via the internet, here's a computer for you , we'll allocate it, but here the keyboard is dusty, wipe the keyboard with a cloth, please, how did i know that the keyboard is a keyboard, in my opinion, the keyboard is son-in-law’s mother, klavdia viktorovna, why wipe it, she’s sleeping on the sofa, there’s no one there... she says, well, the grandchildren know best, i took a rag, wet it just in case, crept up
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to the sleeping keyboard and started wiping it little by little, where i could reach it , rub-trub, suddenly she opens her eyes and says: what are you are you doing? i say: lie quietly, you... and i need the unit to work, she let ’s squeal, jumped up, packed her things, left, she’s some kind of wonderful, in general, my grandchildren are great, they told me everything, showed me everything, started the electronic mail, they gave me a tablet, i wrote a letter on the tablet: yes, but i’ve been used to licking and sealing envelopes all my life, i automatically licked the tablet’s cover, closed
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the tablet, went to the post office and threw it in the mailbox . i wonder if grandma received the letter or not? my grandchildren are very inquisitive about new things. generation, grandfather! what kind of smartphone did you have as a child, apple or samsung? i say , in my childhood i had a real soviet smartphone, an automatic booth, you go into the booth , throw in two kopecks, hit me with your fist as hard as you can, that’s it, you have connections, and the camera you had, how many megapixels you had, i say, you didn’t break the booth, me straight into the camera, there i am so from megapixels. grandfather, how did you
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write text messages when you were young? i say, very simply, i threw a stone, girls at the window, that means the text message came, come on, they say, come out, if it doesn’t come out, throw a stone, heavier, window, it’s kind of like a message on whatsapp, but if the girl doesn’t come out after that, you leave comments on the fence. my grandchildren ask me: grandfather, where did you chat? i was chatting somewhere on the sinovali, there my grandmother and i checked in with your mother, in general, in the evenings with us.
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it’s an idyll at home, i’m on my phone there, my daughter is on her tablet, my grandchildren are on the computer, and i’m sitting in the kitchen, talking to the multicooker, or discussing the news with my new, which means porcelain friend, my grandchildren from morning to evening... playing tanks, well, i mean, these tanks, they ask: grandfather, have you ever played tanks? i say, no, i didn’t play, my dad played, he got into the tank in moscow, and got out in berlin,
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play your tanks, and... once there was a thunderstorm, lightning struck the roof, some kind of short circuit occurred, all the equipment on the computer it was controlled, well, apparently , something had short-circuited, the equipment went crazy, the washing machine suddenly screamed in yakubovich’s voice, for some reason, turn the drum, in fright i wanted to name the letter, but the entire four-letter word escaped me. the dishwasher started splashing, screaming, i’ll soak it, i’ll soak it, my daughter screams, who’s going to make me coffee now, a pleasant voice comes from the toilet, you want an americana or a cappuccino, in general, all the equipment is covered.
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technological progress is galloping now, i don’t argue, life has become faster, but you and i have become slower, we meet on skype, we order groceries on the internet, watch movies on our tablet, and read books on our phones. i don’t argue, life with these gadgets has become more convenient , but we have stopped communicating, and there are close people nearby, communication with whom is more important than smartphones, i understand that now it’s a different time to compare times, it’s pointless, but i’ll still
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say how... it’s nice to live in our village, where the meadows look like a green sea, the lakes look like huge mirrors, where in the morning... you catch fish, during the day you hang out with your grandmother, and in the evening you drink tincture with the men daisies, and you remember about the internet when something hurts, something happened here. premiere on rtr nina , what’s happening in the department, what happened, what’s going on with you, i have to understand what ’s happening, what everyone was waiting for happened,
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come on, tell me, sklefosonsky, new season, why everyone already knows, but i don’t , from monday, intend. in the extreme north-west of russia, beyond the arctic circle, there is a real treasure trove of nature, the kola peninsula, sometimes called russian lapland, the nature on the kola is amazing diverse, including the taiga. and the tundra mountain ranges, where countless herds of reindeer roam. in the north, the kola peninsula is washed by the barintsevo sea,
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warmed by the warm atlantic current; it does not freeze all year round. in the east and south, the peninsula is separated from the mainland by an ice-bound white sea. some scientists believe that the northern cradle of humanity , the legendary hyperborea, was located right here, on the kola peninsula, try it on, thank you, it suits you very well, well, how is your new one, very cool, as if it never existed these 12 years, i missed you so much, we won’t part again, you have to find a home for your unfaithful wife, this is our business, personal, you understand me, i want everything
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to be painless, arranged, where is the client’s photo, i got you right i understand, absolutely, there are no tears in sight in the rain, sunday on рrt. we have a very appetizing program because we sing and talk about food. when i was a child, i made lollipops with my brother, i remember, just in a frying pan, these are molds, bears, pinocchio, there are still 3 days and three nights ahead, wonderful.
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look, look, look, want look, look, let's look, look, well, look at the screen, look at me, carefully, look, look, sign the agreement, we sign at the same time. let's sign up, look, look, maybe we'll go to my place, just watch a movie , oh, yur, it's impossible to make money, there won't be any money, who told you that, that's it, it's a folk sign, strange, i have one friend, and so the whistle is reversed for him brings in a good income, he is probably a famous artist, a master of artistic whistling. well, not really, raise your hand, friends, who ever at least once in my life i was stopped by traffic police officers, all of them, you raised two of them, yes, by chance you are not a traffic police officer, i drive and
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i am often stopped by traffic police officers , well, they ask me to make some kind of face, they always let me go, you know, two traffic cops they are standing, bored, there is no one on the road, suddenly they see a grandfather riding in a cart in the distance, well, he thinks , let’s have fun, stop him, they slow him down, so, grandfather, your documents, please, the grandfather raises the mare’s tail with a stick and says: in the glove compartment, look, traffic police officers too are different, what a caucasian traffic cop might look like, forgive me, dear, what am i doing. i know myself, it’s just very bad without you, strangers
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you know, our russian tourist came to estonia, walked around, looked, tried everything , took photographs, it didn’t seem enough, he decided to rent a car, he drives, gets great pleasure, suddenly like a mushroom from under land, an estonian policeman appears , who is slowing down, and says, don’t you know that you can’t drive through a red light, he says, why others are driving, they don’t know, the next traffic cop: spanish.
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honestly doesn’t want to be, then we have to fight an invisible battle with them, it’s destined for us by fate you, slu, the best day, went to fat on... no problem, go to any office, you can’t go wrong, there are doctors everywhere. yes, i would go, but i don’t know which doctor i need to see. first, see a therapist. i already saw a therapist, she sent me. and you decided it was here? no, i just didn't catch the direction. i only remember that it is short, even very short, of three letters. well, if it's three
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letters, it means you were sent to laura because you have hearing problems. yes, i don’t have any problems with hearing, this is from your therapist big problems with diction, she says very little more, in the direction of what is written, you see, i just can’t make it out, the diagnosis is clear, you’re a coculist , you’re kidding me, but what kind of occulist, i can see everything perfectly well, it’s just that your therapist is writing illegibly . you see, just admire it, if you turn it upside down, it will be better, everything is clear , the therapist doesn’t remember, you definitely noticed that she is illegible, and from the word at all, i’m her ex-husband, the fifth, i sympathize, what should i do, well, let's start from the beginning, what are your
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symptoms, my wife says that i'm my mother's boy, son, my mother says that my hands grow from the wrong place, my mother-in-law says that i need to plow on me. i see, put on a mask, yeah, you should see a sex therapist, a sex therapist, and he treats all this, i have no idea, but all your symptoms are associated exclusively with women, the second floor is the twenty-third office, which means the twenty-third floor is the second office, doctor, yes, yes, you are a sepsis pathologist, everything is correct. well, my wife sent me and said: yeah, go to a system pathologist, you have problems with sex, yeah, well, i came, it’s so good, and i think maybe you can advise something , i will advise, well, tell me how this pathology of yours is expressed, are these biological factors or psychosomatic,
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doctor, who were you talking to just now, i apologize. but now my wife and i were cleaning the bedroom there, so you know, this oak door from the closet, uh-huh, it’s going to hit me in the head, there are sparks coming out of my eyes, and i still can’t see you well, so wait, what are you like? - you’re talking nonsense, okay, so tell me how you and your wife are doing in the bedroom, it sucks, yes, it’s interesting, that means the shoes need to be changed, and the laminate is leaking, and also... this door, it’s like hitting me in the head, i know, i still just don’t know what to do, so wait, you don’t understand, you and your wife have a bed , yes , tell me about your bed, calico, cotton, from ivanovo, she got the set for cheap on
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sale, so wait, you didn’t understand again, i’m interested in the sexual aspect, so to speak, the condition is conditional... she’s screaming at me, so , so, oh, stop , i’ll die, what are you doing, oh, stop, i’ll suffocate, i wonder, i wonder what you did, i sang stas mikhailov, without myself, without myself, lyoshka, lyushka, drabpushka, without myself,
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maybe loudly, but for free, so, listen, listen, that’s it. i want to ask you, are you and your wife making love? answer me a direct question, how often do you and your wife make love? doctor, yes, it happens all the time, all the time, it’s so good, and where do you have love, and everywhere in the bedroom in the kitchen on the porch, she ’s already got this love like that, like that, who got it, love nikolaovna, her mother, oh , that's stupid, that's it here, here she is, she is everywhere, don’t go there, love, okay, answer me better to the question posed: you and your wife are sleeping, who? you who sleep with her can snore like a horse. don’t you understand what i ’m asking you? i understand that, and you understand the cook’s oak door, so okay, i’ll ask in a simple way, tell me, for example, what
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do rabbits do? doctor, rabbits are crazy animals, so good, yes they are in general, they just all need to be treated, they are anxious, day and night they make other rabbits, good, good, here you and your wife are it happens like rabbits, and what are you doing, carrots? all the time, listen, you’ve already bothered me, i didn’t bother you, it’s necessary, it’s not necessary, no, well , you yourself said that i’m asking you about sex, when was the last time you and your wife had sex, recently there were the olympic games, in sochi, no, in moscow, everything is clear, judging by the anamnesis, the age factor affects the level. what causes your libido dysfunction? doctor, you
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’ve already had enough of this libido, you can specifically say what interests you, okay, i’ll ask you a very delicate question now, come on, tell me, but in general, the device works for you, offend , doctor, like a clock, oh, good, like a clock, it ’s good, very good, your wife is happy with it, she’s satisfied, but her legs hurt and her back is straining, because... the device works so intensely, you what are you telling me about now, about a self-pitch machine, i make moonshine, and she goes to the market, sells, you don’t understand what i’m talking about, these are the canisters, they’re heavy, and my legs drag my fucking back, oh, that’s stupid, yes, it’s not stupid, doctor, no one has hit the door in your head, not yet, i’ll arrange it for you. listen, i want to know how how is your friend, your friend, is he alive in general, how is he doing, who is valerik
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, and why do you call him valerika, and not only me, my wife, her girlfriends, her girlfriends, all valerik knows why, he is with the girls all the time hangs up, then katka, then lenka, then verka , for everyone , right after that, yes, but in general he came to her, and he also visits you, yes, he is a man, a doctor, you’re stupid, you’re stupid,
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i’m serious i can’t, how is this possible, how can you only live with your wife, it’s impossible to live with you, it’s impossible to sleep with you, have you tried sleeping - there’s a sign on my door sexop, yes, i saw that all i wanted to ask was how is your sex, do you have sex, doctor, will you be jealous when you find out? oh yes, i came to you specifically, valerik and i agreed that i would come to you, so, you write me a certificate that i have a kind of hitler kaput there, and a certificate for my wife, in full, and a certificate for my wife, and we give you let's take katka, lenka, verkha, fifth libina, yes, doctor, you will be happy, happy. i understand, i ’ll write you a certificate, but i won’t go anywhere with you, i have his own beautiful wife, a blonde, also , by the way, a size 5, she works as a psychiatrist in the next office, and she was, and how
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“i couldn’t leave him alone at home, and where did his mother go, well, let me sit with him , raisa rezanova, and you can let the nanny go, maybe without you somehow, so i’m just a nanny, well, i’m confused, well , it’s all over between us, now forever, stand up, someone else's child, mother, premiere, today": on rtr, good morning, my beloved, my voice sounds only for you, my heart beats only for you, in this program not only songs are fulfilled, but also desires, she promised me after weddings give a porsche
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kahn, the wife says, you don’t understand , damn it. what have you done, how could you, taxi, taxi! oleg gazmanov’s song at full volume, turn it on! the lights that have protected me through the rains still live in to me, some kind of fantasy! morning mail with nikolai baskov. on sunday on rtr. it is for you. well, did you get enough sleep? gentlemen, just a moment, attention. today is a big day, a big holiday.
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that really brought you back to life. songs from the bottom of my heart, andrei malakhov's evening show on sunday on rtr. what are you reading? a book about relationships between men and women? komasutra, or what? on the contrary, about how to ensure that your wife does not engage in komasutra with your brain? is it really possible to learn this from a book? well, yes, it’s still possible. go to a family psychologist, this will improve family relationships, but will worsen the family budget, and i will tell you another way: you can directly contact aunt sonya, she has such life experience, it will be very wise, and most importantly , free. oh, what's your name? olezhechka, i already have one friend oleg. oleg, you
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know what i want for you. say, girls, you need to love men, this is already done by nightfall, so i want men to be loved, they need to be kiss them on the lips, on the forehead, she said it correctly , because, you know, girls, you know, you have to love them, you have to feel sorry for them, you have to, today girls are so thin, where have you seen one girl so thin, like you? oh, today girls, i’ll tell you, like hangers, you understand, olik, girls, and a man next to him should be like a closet, no, better, like a safe, better, like a safe with money, then
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you understand, oleg, if there is a man like a safe with money, it doesn’t matter at all what key it has, girls, remember that i... i’m telling you, one woman comes running to me, sonya, what should i do, mine runs after every skirt, i say, so what, my dog also runs after every car, this doesn’t mean that she will catch up and sit down behind the wheel, you know, girls , that's how she is, and what to do with women's pride, women's mountains, what is it, you know, i once saw...
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ask this, so that even i can hear, well , he’s sitting so proud to himself, warming himself, they’re sitting next to him.” these frozen ones, he asks himself, why the hell do i need you, he’s like that, you see, he only loves himself, you see , well, you can ask me, you, baba sonya love you, ask, baba sonya, do you love me, they all need love so much that they say to themselves, i beg you, tell me , woman, you, me, they love you, it’s me, me. does anyone love me, maybe what's your name? tatyana, tanechka, baba, loves me, sonya, does anyone love you?
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