but leaving it is commendable, why? when you are not here, and i am suddenly drawn to you, then maybe i will come myself, you little, but a terrible predator, god, what a melodrama! who’s there, who’s there, well, me, styopa, oh, wait, you can’t, you can’t, now, turn away, but i’ve already turned away. sonya, i’m straight from

the plane, as you can see, straight to you, so what? how, so what? where are your girls? where? at work? oh yes, very good. so, sonya, i was in leningrad, why do i congratulate you? i met tanya there, i’m happy for you. and told her that you are my wife. why didn't you tell her that you were a fat lion? yes, it seemed to me, but it seemed to me that you, you loved me, it seemed to you, no, it didn’t seem to you, so it’s true, true, yes.

“you don’t understand anything, i wanted to teach you a lesson, but i can’t, what’s wrong with you, why are you in such a mood, and i’m tired, huh?” it goes to you, don’t say anything, you were promoted early, no one hears us, tell the truth, what kind of deputy shop manager are you, but she finished off after all, what what again? fedka is hard i'm sick, here's a letter from my mother. styopa, we need to do something. you are my good soul. listen, how much money did we raise for furniture there, huh?

“that’s right, we’ll buy the most necessary things for now, the very best, we’ll send the rest to him, well, good soul, but what, i don’t understand what you ’re thinking about now, what, about your furniture or, oh, well, well, i said something stupid , well, forgive me, but he, you think, will accept, of course, he will refuse, eat, well, then think of something, where did your cunning go, mine, no, mine, yes, faith goes to leningrad, she can do it , well of course, get the money, so what? well , nothing, nothing, of course, eat!

fyodor morozov lives here, tisha, here, only he is seriously ill now sleeping, you are a mother, yes, i’m vera zubova, can i talk to you for a minute, i ’m listening. i’m your friend sonya orlovna, and you know her husband, of course, let ’s smear it together, how can we do it halfway, we’re flying at night, laughing, it’s painful in the house, we ’re all sick, don’t mess with souls, yes, what is this , i don’t understand, sonya and styofa sent money, yes, how much, idina nikiprovna, why, what kind of money, i see, his character is yours, and you we know each other, no, i was warned, mom, mom, mom, mom, oh, but she doesn’t say anything to him, they milked him. what, feedi? mom, who's there? me: hello. hello, i'm verazubova. have you come from the institute? no, i came to the institute. please sit down, thank you. well, let's get acquainted. i'm your friends' friend. sonya from styopa. yes. so that's it. true, i

was warned that you need to be cunning with a skillful approach. but i decided anyway, for example. here's the money. what, you're not disabled? considers me helpless, unemployed, tell them that i engineer, that i already have a diploma , mom, show me your diploma, yes, yes, but i believe, not today, tomorrow i will get up, yes mom, definitely, i’ll start working, please, not them for me, but i can help them, not true , why, a person who is not able to appreciate the help of others will never help himself, that’s how it is, and you are an original girl, yes, but you are not very much, but send the money back, it was transferred to you, you send it, and to top it all off? you are still an ungrateful person, i didn’t sleep all night because of this money, and why didn’t he sleep, i was afraid to drag him away, well, you’re funny, fedya, for running, oh , what’s wrong with him, and a serious heart disease, how old is he, didn’t your friends tell you anything, no, damn, i got a prick, nothing, just like

that, run, calm down, calm down, nothing. well, the pulse is normal , lie still, it disappeared, well, at 10:00 you can, where do i live, excuse me, but i urgently need a phone, a communal phone, please take this into account, then fedya’s water is not important to his heart, you think, i’m not having a cordial conversation, but when, i ask you, there’s a machine on the corner, call my phone, please don’t put it off, please, yes, well enough, that’s enough, that she came from the street, she’s already commanding like that, not a delay, but what should she even write here? kolal griboedova 10, apartment five , no, heart attack, tell me, what kind of firebird , okay, mom, she went for medicine, oh,

oh, good morning, are you still here, good morning, and i spent the night here, but has it already been a day? , oh, it happened, it’s not a delay, doctors, how are you feeling, okay, thank you, you’re very good, oh, just don’t laugh, i was so scared, don’t, sit down, sit down come here and tell us about yourself and in as much detail as possible, i feel good here, but it’s time for me to leave, and you stay with us, i just arrived yesterday, i need to get settled, so are you going to live in a hotel, oh, what are you, the first 5 years only in a hostel?

let's visit, fedya, are you leaving, far away? funny what? no, i just remembered how 5 years ago from the same platform we saw off a funny thing? and now you are already an engineer. and i,

i’m nobody, but only you, alone, are to blame for this. yes, yes, i'm alone, so alone that i have no one to be with i can even advise, but what i can advise is unlikely to suit you. yes, sitting down, sitting down, wait, wait , wait, wait, wait, wait, you want to say that we are different people, but life has proven that, i’m coming, and who is this, friend, just in a minute, the train, goodbye, here she is, i won’t

talk to you anymore, yes, all that remains is to write, see you soon, vera, it’s late, danya, it’s late, you see, once in my life i’ll try. he’ll listen to you, it’s late, it’s late, you might think that the light has converged on him like a wedge, that i don’t understand that he’s in her the person probably found it, but what about me?

hello, dear viewers, hello, dear tv viewers, we are back in izmailovsky park, hurray! i want to say that today in our program , of course, we have the best artists, the best comedians, and musicians, singers, but strictly speaking, we... invite the bad ones, we invite only those who love us, who come to us with pleasure , according to tradition, i will start

our program with a conversation about humor, you know, some today's comedians think that nothing happened before them, that this whole humor only began with them, but this is not so, i understand that humor is a product that quickly spoils, as grigory gorien once said, but however, i assure you that in the past there were wonderful... wonderful witty people, i will tell you about the humor of these people, and i will give you examples not of humor that you can see on television or read in a book, but such everyday humor, when witty people, artists, writers, composers joked in life in such a way that it’s just it's nice to listen, i'll tell you i’ll just give some examples, you know, there were two such comedians, dykhovichny izlobodskaya, they were very fashionable once in the fifties...

than mine, there was such a wonderful artist, people’s artist, boris livanov, mkhatovets, he somehow the secretary said, then please come into the art room. can enter the artistic part, when livanov said, an artistic whole, it was not moscow that erected a monument to yuri dolgorukov, which stands to this day, livanov looked at him and said: similar, i want to say that we have a big country, there is a lot of everything, there is also enough humor, wherever you go, there is always some funny situation.

i came to the clinic at the registry office, i said: give me a coupon for today, she says, only for tomorrow, i say, i’ll die before tomorrow, she says, then you don’t need a coupon for today, she finally pressed in, gave me a coupon to room twenty-four , i came.

turns the patient over on his stomach, gives an enema, turns his back, covers it with an ideal, is about to leave, the patient says: can i ask a question, she says: ask, tell me, why did you knock on the door? two nurses are talking, one says: nin, tell me how to write correctly: died or died? she thinks for a long time, says: write, you’ve finished, the patient comes to the patient and says: doctor, my nose is stuffy, says: oh, i’m surprised, i have an apartment. the car of the dacha is pawned, and you and your snot are here, the woman was at a doctor’s appointment, she’s already getting ready to leave, she says: doctor, will you kiss me goodbye, he says, are you out of your mind, or what kind of kiss will you give, why are you laughing? , there is a zhetika medical, you are a patient, i am a doctor , i shouldn’t have slept with you, well, this is all nonsense, they told me, they

told me that in the nineties, one man transported 10 g of radioactive uranium across the border to poland in his pants.

on the bus , it means people are traveling, a woman comes in, a man gave her a seat, she sat down , he says, you’re probably from st. petersburg, you say, they gave up a seat for me, he says, but you’re probably from moscow, but how you guessed it, but you didn’t even say thank you to me, the story is in the zaksa, there are two people standing, a guy and a girl, that means the registrar says, are you ready to marry irina mikhailovna, there’s petrova, he says, no, what, you said, we’re going to the cinema, she says, well, now we’ll sign and you’ll have a movie, the rest of your life, one of my friends, she tired of her husband always telling her: look at me, look at me, look at me, she didn’t cut it out, she said, look at yourself, this is a typical odessa conversation, the wife says: “syoma, please tell me, and you do you remember how sharon stone

crossed his legs in this film, well, of course i remember, so you see, you remember, you forgot to buy bread." here is a life situation: a husband comes, at 12:00 at night, drunk, with some kind of drunk woman, he says to his wife: can she live with us? says: who is this "this is my sister , and i didn’t even know that you had a sister, and i only found out today how? yes, we had a good drink at the station, she says: bro, can i stay with you? childbirth there were, there were births, the birth was delivered by a professor, an elderly and a young assistant, for the assistant it was the first birth in his life, when the birth ended, the assistant says to the professor: i did everything right, he says, in principle , it’s correct, but just slap the butt, you should have had the baby, not the mother, at the checkout the man says kasirusha, please give me a fortune- teller, sour cream and yoghurts, this so some people say, you're taking it to the extreme, oh, damn

, i forgot the product, another bottle of vodka, okay, grandma ordered a taxi, the dispatcher calls and says: go out into the yard , mazda is waiting for you there, blue metallic, grandma came out, made three circles around the car and said to the driver: are you gay, vitalik? well another story that my friend , andrei vantsovich, wrote, a crow is sitting on a branch, on the bottom one with cheese in its mouth, of course, yes, a knocked down fox sneaks up, bang on the head , the crow falls, the fox takes the cheese, runs away, the crow..." they cut the fable for nothing, well, the last thing, i’m walking in the evening, a real incident, i’m walking in the evening, a drunk man comes up and says: if you want to give me more money, i say, honestly..." i say, no, i don’t want to, he says, well, whatever you want, let’s go further, that’s it,

i saw myself dead, if you see yourself dead, it means you’ll live a long time, premiere on rtr, don't be afraid. i see you, i would like to talk to you, who shot at you while she was hunting for ghosts, just don’t worry, they announced a hunt for her, kolisov is very dangerous, and he is now at large, there should be security around the entire perimeter, so that not a single mouse runs through,

with your hands, when everyone is at home with timur kizikov, i surrender to everything with joy, let's all wave sunday at rtr. are you inviting me to your theater? i invite you. sash, forgive me,

yes, i’m a bastard, how could you, and you just arrived? yes. yes, i, nadya, valya, have arrived conquer moscow. who are you? and i’m lena, his wife, are you waiting for someone? yes, you, why? i would like to invite you to a restaurant. that's it, dear, i'll bring nadya back. i want to return to you, to seryozha. leave me and seryozha alone. i'm not going to make any more mistakes. women, today on rtr. on sunday, my husband

is a hunter and fisherman, he said, if you go to andrei malakhov, be sure to bring fish with you, you have such energy from everyone, you are so pure, kind, beloved. songs from the bottom of my heart, andrei malakhov's evening show, on sunday on rtr, actresses, which will be released now the stage is especially dear to me, because i took part in her fate, and she always takes part in my fate, once, when she was young, i wrote her a parody number, which she performed with great success. then she finished with these parodies , never did them again, but began performing monologues, and in 1998 , misha zadornov and i, my friend, wrote her

a number, after which she woke up really famous, since then she has performed a lot new, very good numbers, sang wonderful songs from the stage, because she also sings well, she graduated from the faculty of musical comedy, and the number that we wrote for her then, which helped her so much in her career, was called a letter to damn clinton. now you probably understand that this is the honored artist of russia, elena stepanenko. girls, i want to tell you a story. oh, you can’t imagine, so i’m driving my car, with the wind, you know, with the window open, well, i slowed down at a traffic light. well, i’m sitting there, of course, looking in the mirror, i decided to roll my eyes. ride

it’s necessary, you almost knocked down my side mirror , it’s immediately obvious that you bought the rights, why are you silent, he says, i’m choosing words, censorship, i picked up a phrase from the great academician pavlov, the brains are not visible, but their absence is noticeable, i say, listen, your jokes are already making my eyes go wide. goodbye, i left when the light turned green, at the second traffic light we were next to each other again, and he turned around and said: “girl, let ’s not quarrel with you, especially since while you were being rude to me, i think i managed to fall in love with you, and i’m ready to suddenly offer give you a hand from the heart." i said: “hand from the heart, why do i need this soup set of yours?” and i left when the light turned green, at the third traffic light we were next to each other again, and he

said in such an insinuating voice, you know: tell me honestly, you were waiting for me "i say: what else? as snow white said: keep me seven, he says: in vain, because i am not married and absolutely free! i say: only the one who is not needed by anyone is absolutely free, he looked at me so carefully , says: but it seems to me that you are also free, i told him i say: freely, because i haven’t found a prince yet , and it’s too early for me to marry anyone, and i looked at her so carefully, you know, i say, tell me, are you really free or married, but not really, he says, listen , you won’t understand, you just categorically refused me, i say, yes, i refused you categorically, but not flatly. and

they did the right thing, because i am now at the best age, the stupidity has passed, and the insanity has not yet set in, i laughed, i said, green, as anna karenina said, see you soon, i went, i look in the mirror myself, i look, and he is driving behind me, i go to the right, he goes to the right, i go to the left, he goes to the left, i drove into the yard, he follows me, got out of the car, says, girl, girl, where are you going, i because of you , i’ll turn somewhere the wrong way, into some courtyard, oh, he says , look, there’s a restaurant here, maybe we’ll go in and have a cup of coffee, we ’ve known each other so much, we’ve been through so many traffic lights, i’d like to join hit you, i say, well, hit you, come in, sit down, he says,

what’s your name? i say, generetta, he says, it’s a beautiful name, i say, you haven’t yet i heard my phone number, by the way , i’m saying that because i go out to my balcony every morning in my swimsuit to do exercises, apartments in the building opposite have gone up in price. he says: great, what should we drink? i say the same as you, he says: “bartender, two glasses of champagne.” i say, i'm two too. he immediately fell in love with me and said: “oh, you are so interesting, and also perky.” by the way, i think you're smart. i'm also smart beyond my years. even as a child, when i watched the film about mowgli, i always

wondered where this mowgli is? i found some panties in the jungle, i said, oh, you’re on a roll today , you hit something, he says, you know, you have to hover over a woman like a bumblebee, with every circle you get more and more bumblebee, oh, he says, by the way, what kind of stone protects you? i say, whichever one i grabbed, it protects. i say, do you know why god first created man and then woman? he says: no, i don’t know, i say, because first a sketch is made, and only then a masterpiece. and he says, he agrees with you, a woman should be like honey, on one side it’s soft and sweet, on

the other it’s stuck, so stuck. i say: listen, it seems to me that you often fall in love and don’t know what true love is, but before, i say, men had a motto: i came, i saw, i conquered. now it sounds like this: he tried, he got scared, he ran away, he says: i sympathize with you, you are probably divorced, i say, yes, you are, my ex-husband was rude to me, i somehow remember, i tell him, dear , scold me, today i ate after 60, he says, burn with shame, you fat monster, during the divorce i got one pan. and he asks: why did you divorce? i say: it’s a banal story: i came home, and my husband and his mistress, and both of them had such cunning eyes, went into the kitchen, as if

they had drunk all the compote, went to a friend to cry for her life, laughed with her until the morning, i thought that he left me , and i looked at myself in the mirror, i thought: no, i lost it, because a woman is not alcohol, divorced, does not become weaker, oh, i say, with men, like with cats, you dream of a briton or a sphinx, you walk down the street, oh, my heart started beating, you you're already dragging yourself home, worse... he laughed and said: do you know how to cook? i say, of course, i cut sausage very tasty. am i saying that you are laughing? i'm beautiful. recently i looked at myself in the mirror and asked:

mirror, tell me who is the cutest in the world, the most ruddy and whitest of all. imagine, this bastard spent 3 days making the list. oh, it sometimes upsets me so much that there are so many men around me. and the melody, oh my god, what a man, to put it on for no one, he , a friend, says: how is this for no one? and i don’t look like an eagle, sometimes it’s so poetic, i click my beak, and then he says: i’m giving you an expropriation, he hasn’t woken up for a year , the hero is sleeping, i wish i had such a powerful bladder, i got worried, i said, are you friends with alcohol? he says: no, i’m not making friends , but i keep in touch, i don’t like to buy, but people tried, they did, he says: you know, but recently they wanted to establish

a holiday, a day of sobriety, but the people rebelled, but how will we celebrate? then she looked at me and said, why don’t you drink, well, drink, drink, stop... i say, yes, if i drink now, i should be embarrassed will you be, then i looked at him carefully, i said, and who do you get dressed with, he says, whoever i wake up with gets dressed, it’s a joke, i say, a joke, but seriously, how do you imagine happiness? he suddenly thought about it, and then said: you know, happiness is... appreciating what you have and not suffering because of what you don’t have, oh, i liked the answer so much, i immediately switched to you , i say, tell me, you

fell in love with me right away, at first sight, he says, no, at the second, at the first you scared me a little, but at least at the first traffic light, i opened up, i said, you know, i really want to get married, otherwise i’m tired of putting on makeup like that? recently, i say, i came to the clinic, without makeup , to get a ballot, so they almost took me to the hospital in an ambulance, but today i say, at night i couldn’t sleep alone, i started counting sheep in my sleep, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 , then i met a shepherd and then it all started. says: listen, if you and i live together, how do you imagine our life in 10 years? he says: “ha, in 10 years, i’ll still be in my prime, and you you will be my favorite juicer." we left

the restaurant with him and then his eyes widened, he said: "oh, look, the clerk is located in this house, there is a sign hanging there, can you imagine where you accidentally stopped, the clerk is right in this house , maybe we’ll go and submit an application, huh?” just think, he says, how everything coincided, and i look at him and think, yeah, it coincided, as if i didn’t know where to go. “i always dreamed that, oh, what a man and oh, what a woman, we met in a noisy restaurant hall, amidst fun and deception, because love can leave in english, but hope likes to linger. until late!

oh, how long ago it was, in the nineties , angelina vovk and i hosted a program called adults and children, she once told me, let me bring my friend, his son sings such a good song, which this friend of mine composed, but they... father and son came, the son sang a song about a dog

, which was already known throughout the country, but no one knew dad, and dad shared with me and told me that he has two songs, which, if they come out, somewhere on radio or on television, then the whole country will sing them, i honestly didn’t believe it, because who can know in advance whether they will sing the song or not, but it hit the top ten, even two top ten, and has been here ever since for 30 years now, every... year he produces either one or two hits, and two of his songs have become simply informal anthems, one song has become the informal anthem of moscow, and the other song has become the informal anthem of all officers of the russian federation. i think you already understand who we are talking about, i love him very much, no there is one program in which i would not invite him, and he never refuses me. so, people's artist of russia, oleg. razmanov,

draw a heart on the window in the living room with lipstick, driving by, i’ll see it, i ’ll rush to you, taking off straight through three steps, having succeeded, i’ll take you off the open window . airplanes and rockets, let them fly where they need to, let them spin the cornflower as it goes, we embrace on the ledge, under the fire of someone’s gaze, spreading our wings, we go to the field, caught in traffic jams, sleeping cars, skirting puddles squares, new high-rise buildings, hugging spiers , i fly with... with my girlfriend, there are funny

people down there, fussing at stations, continuing to do business, dying for metal, they poor people don’t know how lovers can fly, but i myself was the same i didn’t know this, caught in traffic jams, cars sleeping, skirting the puddles of squares, new high-rises, hugging spiers, i’m flying with my girlfriend, we are now not what we were before, we are now not what we were before, we take two brooms into the hallway, and as soon as midnight covers my city, we leave the entrance and under with the glances of passers-by, we sit on a broom and take off from the bridge, those caught in traffic jams sleep automatically. beat around the puddles of squares, brand new high-rise buildings,

hugging the hairpin, i'm flying with my girlfriend, let's fly, guys! caught in traffic jams, cars sleep, skirting puddles of squares, new high-rise buildings, hugging spiers. i fly with a girl, caught in traffic jams, sleeping cars, skirting puddles of squares, new high-rises, hugging spiers, i fly with my girl, i fly with

my girl. and now i want to invite the stage to an artist who is very respectful of the past, he is very respectful of people who work in this genre, and this is the characteristic of a talented person, and he is truly a very talented artist, he can do everything on the stage, he reads monologues wonderfully, he sings songs, he even composes himself. he knows how to sing verses, he knows how to do a parody, he plays many musical instruments, he improvises very well, like a clown, he has toured all over europe, and in different languages ​​he conducted his program everywhere very convincingly with success, he draws very well, and it can even be for any given purpose

a word to come up with a quatrain, he not only draws well, he published several books and illustrated them himself, and i want another one. add, you know, he recently had an anniversary, a very good anniversary , he celebrated it very well, and today he is performing for the first time after this anniversary, he will tell you everything else himself, so, meet the honored artist of russia, gennady vetrov, you know , it’s very nice to perform in your favorite program, to star in this program. speaking in front of my family, one might say, people, why do i say this, because i i have something to compare with, i lived and worked abroad for 7 years, performed exclusively in front of foreign audiences, and to be honest, i learned to win the hearts of foreigners, but still i have such contact as at home, but i can’t

achieve such sincerity, because you and i are practically from the same bed, yes , we are just fairy tales, but we know from childhood, we understand... at a glance, at a glance, what to say, friends, we are family, close people, and abroad there all the time i need to catch up, so i lived in france for almost a year and for i haven’t mastered french humor for a year , look, here’s an example of a french joke, after which the french lie down, they translated this joke for me, explained the meaning, i also wanted to lie down, but i didn’t, one is french... the other says michel, my car is breaking down , i can’t drive for a month, give me advice on what to do with it, he’s pierre , try scrapping it, forget about it, the end of the joke, where to laugh, with us everything on this same topic is much more interesting, one driver, the other is lazy, i have when driving a car, the engine falls out, i have an exhaust pipe and a half

he hasn’t pulled it out for a month, i have three doors that are jammed and can’t be wedged, lyun, what should i do with it, give me some advice, well, san, should you... sell it, another story, and, you see, we will always have someone who an acquaintance of mine will buy this , he sold such a wreck to buyers, they took it home in parts, we meet with him in about a month, he says: gen, i’m shocked, i saw my swallow in the city center, two blocks i was running after her, i think i gave her away so cheaply? i was at the largest car market in the country in vladivostok, i found the final part of the bargaining between the buyer and the seller, apparently the buyer exhausted the seller, he said an amazing phrase that a foreigner would not understand even with a translator. in general, man, if you take this car, we will start it, but what’s wrong, it

won’t be turned off for a week because of you, foreigners come here. it happened, i even keep the yellow color of the traffic light , probably longer than i would like, it’s summer, the windows are open, and at every traffic light everyone scolds me so much, swears at me, and i’m your bad ones... you can’t survive here, i understand the meaning, so my psyche is suffering, the steering wheel is shaking , i’m not hysterical out of the blue, i have a little one

i can drive, i say, listen, tim, well, first of all, i learned it, they told me, without them there’s a trick, you buy a deaf-mute sticker, or better yet two, you glue from two sides, we can’t reach you, no one will open their mouth, there’s no point in telling you something, it’s clear that you won’t answer, it’s not even interesting. he says, thank you, brother, thank you, you advised me, i would never have guessed it myself, i will stick about 20 of them, i say, you will be unattainable, he left happy, we meet in the evening, he says: thank you, you advised me, you will peel off all 20 pieces yourself, i say what happened, it would be better if they cursed me, they show me this. our people can surprise not only foreigners, but i, if i’m performing somewhere in an unfamiliar region, where

i’m visiting for the first time, and if i have local drivers attached to me, i ask them not to speed up, observe the speed limit, well , you never know, that’s right, here in the southern urals they gave me a driver named vitalik, i didn’t have to ask him to keep the speed, he i drove 40 km/h, this is the maximum, by his standards he was just driving this one. you know, he drove her, well, 50 km, if only from a hill, you know, during the week of the tour, we were late everywhere, but we weren’t aiming, already parting, i shook his hand, i said, vital, well, no one drove me better than you, he says gennady, i would speed up , i just don’t see a damn thing, a separate article of humor is a blonde on the road, a friend of mine told me the story, he... works everything in editing, one day he says: we’re sitting, there’s no work, that’s all, we miss you, it's been three days since we've had no work, it means a ferrari

and a convertible drives up, a blonde runs out, they say, guys , i’m late for my birthday, so whoever is free, quickly blew air into my wheels, we blew it, we didn’t sit, we blew it, we blew it, and i drove off, one decided to make a joke, she says, what kind of filler should you use, he says, i don’t understand, well, now you can pump in air with any smell, the smell of strawberry, raspberry, banana, uh, pineapple, she says, why is that? well, how do you have a convertible car and what if you ’re driving with a friend and the tire has burst, there’s a smell let's go, my friend is in shock, envy, she m, what is the most expensive filler, strawberries and cream, triple the price, it's even blown into the spare tire, don't think about it, everyone stood up , blew it, she left, everyone is in such a mood, they tell it to their acquaintances , friends, they call, everything, well, it’s improved. definitely, the next morning, the tire shop is just opening, a guy comes in, which means he arrived in an expensive car, two jeeps with an escort, with security

, he says, who blew strawberries and cream into my wife’s wheel yesterday, go out to the center of the hall so that we can all see you , and things during the installation, he pretends that they haven’t opened yet , that there’s no one there, he says, i see everyone who blew strawberries and cream into my wife’s... wheels at triple the price, go out to the center of the hall so we can see you, one guy comes out , well, it happened when we were sitting bored , she drove up, i thought, well, make a joke, i decided so, i just didn’t think so, you know, i think i’ll say, i was fooled, man, it’s one of our kids’ birthdays yesterday was, we sat for three hours, there was no atmosphere, well, there’s no holiday, everything doesn’t come, you know, we’re sitting in vain, my after i came, told you, we’ll see you until the morning. i brought you some expensive cognac for this, another story, a friend told me, he lives

in st. petersburg, we studied at the theater together, he is now the director of one of the concert halls , he says, i’m late for a meeting, which means there’s a traffic jam in the center of st. petersburg, and they call me, they say, the management here, the customers are here, we need to stipulate the script, approve it, he says: guys, i’m standing in a traffic jam, i’m standing deaf, let’s use the speakerphone, and in an hour i hope i’ll get there after all and sign, we’ll discuss everything on speakerphone, they says: come on, and he says, i’m cuddling up to the train, so i turn on the emergency lights, and behind me there was a red peugeot, a blonde behind the wheel, he says and i forget about her, i talk for 5 minutes according to the script, 10-15 20 minutes we chat, suddenly there’s a knock like that i punch the side window with my fist, i look, she is lowering the window, i say: girl, it happened, he is a man, tell me how long you will stand here, so that i just know for sure, tell me how long you will stand here, i say that it’s impossible or what? look at him, yes, look at him, he turned on both turns, left and right, where are you turning, dear, i’m standing for half an hour,

i can’t get my bearings, because of such then... the accident, the last phrase, he says, she killed me, they bought a license, good luck on the roads with a fair wind, now the stage is seen by an artist who plays in a theater on stage, and therefore i want to tell you a theatrical story, in the theater of satire there was such an artist, tusuzov, who lived to be 96 years old, papanov said: “it’s not scary to die, it’s scary to be at the coffin tusuzov will stand." like this the story is now about the artist who will take the stage. he graduated from the geek, acting department, and after graduation he worked in the theater, acted in plays, played in musicals, acted very successfully in films, but he is still drawn to

the stage, and rightly so, because he ... a parodist, he parodies those artists whom no one else can parody, and he is especially given such musical parodies of artists, young ones, who move well, i must say that he moves even better than these artists. meet him roman seletsky. so, dear friends, imagine what foreign artists could sing about if they came to us in russia. and would sing in russian. ricky martin. i have never seen so many superstitions anywhere. everyone here believes in omens, and i began to believe in them. one day a black cat crossed my path here. i spat over my shoulder that it was all

over. okay, i spat three times from the bottom of my heart, i remember being delirious, i apparently spat far away, the wind was blowing strong, a gopnik was walking behind me easily, it hit him in the eye, but the signs came to the rescue, the gopnik shouted, you cured my stye, mober. they call me dozens of times a day, they say bullshit on the phone, and sometimes they break down doors, make animals,

just yesterday my family member disappeared. so the message came, he was taken hostage, murlo, well, why did i already take out a mortgage, owe it, and now into the wrong life of a person, he’s sending threats , the collector has been gone for days, you won’t see the cat if you don’t return the money, collector oh... besides everything else, elvis presley was also a film actor, and if he had lived here in russia, his film career would not have worked out, so why: i once went to a casting for a film,

i wanted to play. petrov didn’t get the chance, petrov got the role, he smiled slyly, saying, elvis, bless you, i wanted to play the text in the t-34 in the film, but alas there are no places for petrov, all the roles were taken away by petrov, the policeman from the ruble, he and even a streltsy football player, and the other day i went into the subway and wanted some classes. i was ahead of my place here by petrov, petrov, petrov, petrov, petrov, petrov, petrov, petrov, i’m ready to forget, everywhere you look, petrov, robbie williams, once leaving the castle. i realized that

this is hell, my path lay in khantyman-siysk, the roads were simply terrible. i wrote a song about them, now i’ll sing it to you, but in the song i replaced swearing with the interjection pampam, in russia, pam-bam, bam-bam-bam, the roads are just pam-bam-bam, i and... for them bam-bam beat off , pam-ba-bam, shakira, the first time i went to

a corporate party, i sat modestly, with my head down, i had a plan, to go home in an hour, but something strange happened to me. i started laughing, laughing for about five minutes, and then for some reason i started dancing, danced on the table, danced in a big way, even hit the boss on the top of the head with her heel, because it liberated me, boat-vopka-votka, woke up everyone, vodka-vodka, vodka, i forgot everything in the morning, about vodka, vodka, vodka, new with... colleagues, photos, photos, photos , tom jones,

oh baby, got up in the morning, made everyone breakfast, ironed the laundry and took her son and husband to the garden. i took my coat to the dry cleaner , came to work at 9:00, ran from work to the market for food, came home with bags and a large bag, the frying pan smelled delicious of cutlets, i understood , friends, then sexbon, sexbon, this is zaisbon, and not those who pumped silicone everywhere.

summer has come, i started working on the collective farm, it’s good here, even though i’m standing in manure all day, but i’m a boss. my foreman is very angry, he shouts to me, you are stupid , you cut the hay, i used an ax, not a scythe, i chopped wood, now with a blunt scythe i killed pigs, i sent chickens to graze in the field, i hid the trader, i cut beads, i messed up, in which since i’m not used to it, i’m not used to it, but at least i’m dancing class.

chess, opera, the best ballet, the gold of glorious olympic victories, pushkin and tolstoy, yesenin year of the czechs. russia, you are class, not at all for oil and gas, there are a lot of treasures here, from glinka to

chagall, tchaikovsky, dostoevsky, and many other names, perhaps the house of excuses, to say that you are in love. lovers in russia! this artist made himself, he was born in omsk, graduated from a technical university there, played in kvn, and he really made himself like that, because even while still a student, he learned english without any courses so much that he participated in all-russian olympiads, and then he learned sing from notes, which is generally incomprehensible to me, although i studied at a music school, but he didn’t, then he was a dj. on the radio, then came to moscow,

lived in a hostel, wrote texts for various artists, but in time i realized that it was better to write to myself, and not to some other people, i began to write texts for myself, act in programs, today, this is one one of the most sought-after artists in our genre, not only that, he himself took an american play, made it funny, he plays in it, but can you imagine, yes, so, meeting him, sergey drobatenko.

at 23:15 minutes i arrived on a call from the late kharitonova, born twenty-third, the body was taken to the morgue, in the morgue from the working staff there was only storazh mikhailovich in a state adequate to the contingent present, the captain, since there were no free places in the morgue. i made a strong-willed decision to seat kharitonova on a chair opposite mikhalych. i placed her passport in the deceased’s right hand, and the autopsy order in the left, after which i left the room, and the rest of the picture was restored. thanks to surveillance cameras.

perhaps, as if to confirm his words, zigmatulina sneezed. davidyan dropped the scalpel and then picked it up, deciding that it was just a dream. the freshmen were scary to look at, according to the instructions.

davidyan turned zigmotulina’s head to the side , this brought the deceased back to life, she opened her right eye, davidyan’s own eyes resembled the painting black square by malevich, and from the faces of the freshmen it was clear that they had already decided to expel without saying a word. she bit davidian’s finger, davidian screamed, the deceased stood up and said irritably, well, you’ll wake the dead, that captain,

the morgue has never been so lively, zegmatulina was chasing after the gray-haired ones. first-year students and screamed after them, no matter what, you’re the captain, i acted according to the instructions, the report is finished. sergey drobotenko. there is love in this room, love for a man who has become a symbol of a generation. his songs are heard. where are you and me, it's

starry. his voice is recognized, thank you very much for a happy childhood, the whole audience sings, he is remembered and loved, i know what you see, you you hear, you smile, don’t argue with me, i’d rather give the night only to her, thank you. that's it, a big concert for the fiftieth anniversary of yuri shatunov, today on rtr, look, love is when you look in one direction,

look, look, look, you want to look , look, let's see, look, well, look at the screen, look at me, takes out, look, look, sign the agreement, we sign at the same time for one, two, three, sign, look, look, maybe we’ll go to me, just watch a movie, where is your homeland, my brother, and whose homeland are you, soldier, who do you serve, former friend, tear off everything that is ours, which was together , what will be left with you, they went against god, russia comes and the city lives, boris korchevnikov’s program, life and fate, from monday to friday on rtr. tell me, do you even understand that i’m leaving my family, as always

, but everything is clear, on sunday, here ’s the news, dad will no longer live with us, he will live in another place, this is not news for me, like you could? quietly introduce sasha to his girlfriend. for what? i don't want to lose contact with sasha. contact, and someone else's woman what does this have to do with it? come join us. and mom? well, little mother, can’t she cope without you? you can start life from scratch. hello, i recognized you, oles. after so many years? i knew you would call someday. but the past cannot be erased. we had a chapter called this. karina, can we write another chapter called three of us again? i want to fix everything. southern cyclone. on sunday on rtr.

stanislav govarukhin told me this story once. you know, in the early 2000s there was this disarmament commission, it was called. career, she performed, therefore, humorous monologues, well , today we actually have four women in our traditional humor, all four of us acted, naturally, more than once in izmailovsky park, so... today a bright representative of this genre, we have a guest here today in izmailovsky park,

her theme is such a family one, but about the relationship between a husband and wife, a man and a woman, so i’m telling an anecdote especially for her: the husband says: what are we having for dinner today? wife says: nothing, so yesterday there was nothing, well, right, i prepared it for 2 days, i wanted to tell you that she is from the city of kislovodsk, this is the sunniest city in our country, there are 265 days a year. the sun is shining, and her humor is just as bright, joyful and kind. this actress is not afraid to be funny, moreover, she does everything to be even funnier, she even began to write numbers in herself, which is generally a rarity. meet her honored artist of russia, svetlana roshova. they say that female friendship does not exist, that only men can be truly friends, but... if we turn to the classics , then what happens is, look, anegin shot

lensky, and tatyana and olga didn’t even quarrel, well, you know, if we talk about girlfriends, then in my life i have two friends, but we have been friends since childhood, one’s name is karina, the other’s name is lena, and it seems to me that we have friendship. a bright oriental woman with a wonderful sense of humor and she thinks somehow , she thinks so amazingly, well, imagine, karina named her cat gagarin, so i have a cat petrovich, and she has gagarin, and i was wondering why i asked her before... she somehow didn’t want to talk, she kept avoiding answering, she said, what difference does it make to you, light, well , loon, loon, you call kitty-kitty, he runs,

then that’s it - finally, i achieved the truth , i didn’t regret it, she says: okay, okay, i’ll tell you why he’s a loon, okay, i feel you won’t leave me, yes, light, that’s how it happened, loon, but how else he was castrated on april 12, imagine how a person’s brain works in a non-standard way, what about the gagarin cat, she has a daughter ophelia, can you imagine what name, sung by shakespeare , well, really, karina has ophelia with an a, i wondered why i asked her this question, i said, well, why with an a, she looked at me like that, she said, sveta, what are you doing? haven’t you read hamlet, or something, well, really... she herself hasn’t read much in her life, although she has a wonderful library, thanks

to her parents, but there was a time when our parents collected books for us, here she has there was a magnificent library, everything that could be bought was bought by my parents, everything that was possible i could get it, they got it, and if at that time i had any need for some kind of exclusive literature, because i was studying, i first of all ran to karina, i... that i needed a colder, i ran to she has these eyes, i say: karina, help me, i don’t know what to do , i need a calderon, you see, well, if i don’t find it, that’s it, this is death for me, karina, calderon, she says, sit down calm down, drink some coffee, i’ll bring it now, she ran into another room, came running exactly 2 minutes later, and said: “i didn’t find calderon, i brought analgin." well, we can talk about karinka for a long time, and i already did. in fact, i talked about her, but not about lena, but i would like

the world to know about lena, well, about lenka it’s difficult, you know, she, she, unlike karina, she ’s such a gray mouse, such, well, in general, nature made fun of her a lot in terms of appearance, she grew up somehow awkwardly, her... first her feet grew, well can you imagine, girls, she’s 10 years old, she ’s size 41, well, really, she swam the best , well, slap-slap, she’s already a killer, well she was so stable, well, yes , and then , then a year later, her arms pulled up to her soups, but her legs somehow didn’t grow for a long time, in general, she had a big problem with her legs, lenka, she always had trouble with her legs , well, well, legs , well, legs, well, well, somehow

they usually grow from the seat, they curl around the lenka. it seems that she is winding them on curlers, well, in short, you understand, that is, cars don’t honk after lenka, only trains, we once went for mushrooms, i remember girls, teenagers, and she got lost, she fell behind us, got lost, went out to the highway herself, then she says, i asked for a long time to pick me up... to let me down, no one stopped, on the contrary, somehow the drivers accelerated, she says: i’m tired, i sat down on the side of the road, suddenly the brakes slammed, a car stopped, some guy picked her up , well, of course she asked him, but you picked me up, probably because you were sorry, he says, well, you know, to be honest, i got distracted, well, i got distracted, and then my head

you turned, i think, lord, i hit a moose, well , you know, when the three of us, me, karina, lenka, when we played in the sandbox as children, if there were cats there, they always tried to bury lenka, but in general she, she is very good, she is very wonderful, against the backdrop of lenka, karinka and i grew up as beauties, self-confident, we they knew that if we grew up, that’s it, we’d have a carload of suitors , we wouldn’t... have a shortage of this, not like she had, she’d never find anyone for herself, well , who needs her, and we’re beauties , this is how we grew up with these thoughts, we grew up, we grew up, and we grew up, and we grew up, and korinka and i

found themselves in lenka's shadow because it was a mistake of nature. “she somehow managed to do it, she, she, she grew something like that on herself, i don’t have so many arms, she doesn’t walk straight, she walks with her humps up, i seem to have somehow grown something a little, and the curry is in general trouble, she seemed to have it, and then changed her mind.” and she has a good sense of humor, she doesn’t worry, she says: i beg you, light, but the beads hang evenly, and now, of course, when lenka brings all this to the men’s company, guys, they are straight, they are like

banderlog, they are all there. we can even undress with korinka, they are all there, and they don’t care on what legs this happiness came, well, lenka, she’s wonderful, in fact, if it weren’t for her, i would never have gotten married, she’s a kind girl, she, she has a lot , she has a lot of men, she has them just like trains on a schedule, she came to visit me, on the contrary...

they made him a cutlet, she taught him how, the next day before his arrival i fried a cutlet, i see, he goes up the stairs, i go up the front door i opened the whole cutlet to this one, and held the cutlet in my teeth, standing there, waiting , of course, he followed the smell, of course, he wanted to try the product, here is his first kiss, while he was chewing the cutlet, i... closed the door for 3 days, 3 days i gave him water, fed him, made him happy, after 3 days i dragged him drunk to the tax office, i said: honey, we’re at the post office , you need a parcel, sign, that’s it, and the job is done, that’s it, well, thanks to lenka, we live

together, because that she immediately warned me, she said, if you want to live with a man. until the end of his days in happiness and joy, there is no need to cut anything out of it, no need, they resist it, well, what has arrived is yours. love, thank god, i say, well, if something annoys me, she says, well, what annoys you, i say, well, he doesn’t take off his socks during sex, basically, it annoys me, we have sex, he’s into socks, she says, well, like that, well, he doesn’t take off his socks, well , maybe his feet are cold, well, he doesn’t take off his socks, well, don’t take them off, and don’t take off your tights. again, thanks to lenka, i always at the holiday, i get what i dreamed of, she taught me, she says: don’t hint at this, don’t hint at this, they don’t understand

anything, they need to know exactly how much to weigh in grams, she outlined something for herself, that’s it, take him by the hand, bring him, point your finger , say: this is what i want, there are no other options, you won’t get anything otherwise, you’ll only get his fantasies and that’s why when... they ask me, for example, on march 8, what would you like as a gift? i tell him, honestly, i say, i want sex for 2 hours, frantic, uncontrollable, as you pull it, he says, well that i have options, right? well, am i going to drag it out somehow? on march 8th, after all, i will somehow make you happy. well, i’m warning you right away, i will scream in horror all the time. i say, why are you going to scream? he says, well, because i’m done, until the end

of sex, another hour and 55 minutes. well, i don’t know, maybe it’s not worth talking about sex, well, well, listen, well, on the other hand, this is part of our life, not the worst, by the way. and we are all sitting here at 18 plus, then lenka, she always told me, friend, remember, remember, sex, money and humor prolong our lives, so dear men, here i am now, i now want to address you on behalf of all the women sitting in this room, they can’t say anything, but i have a microphone. so i will speak loudly, i will practically scream, our dears, you have a lot of work to do,

you don’t have to take off your socks, the hell we’ll survive with them, you can scream in horror. but help us in any way you can, thank you very much, thank you, russian artist, svetlana razhkova! we will now talk about

the famous american singer frank senator. it was his anniversary, suddenly an uninvited guest comes, and a person whom everyone knows that they can’t stand each other. they hate each other, he comes and says: i also want to say a toast, he says, well, how do you say a toast, he can’t stand you, you can’t stand him, he says, i’ll tell you, don’t worry, i’ll tell you everything, everything is fine , well, we gave him our word that it would be inconvenient to refuse, so he says: let’s drink to the frank senator, he saved my life, everyone was in bewilderment , everyone thought that he was ready to kill him, he saved me life, it was like this, in the evening i was walking down the street, suddenly three bandits with bats attacked me, they began to beat me,

an american, because now we will have another foreign singer on stage, an italian singer, and the backstory is like this, we have under the city of yaroslavl is a wonderful village , it is called the village of vyadskoye, an absolutely stunning village, it’s about ... museums, you can imagine, every year in july, guests come from all over the country for the birthday of this village, and i am a guest on this day birth, and there passes a concert, literally outdoors for 3.00 spectators, a concert, it was at this concert that i saw an italian singer who sang wonderfully, i liked him so much that i wanted to invite him to our

izmailovsky park and... i did so, i invited him, this is not just a singer, he is a participant in the sanrem festival, in moscow you can see him in the kremlin palace, in the house of music, this is composer, guitarist and singer inriko kolonnov and the duet largo, please, una mattina mi sono svegliato oh bella ciao bella ciao bella ciao ciao ciao una mattina mi sono svegliato ed ho trovato ogni invasore o partigiano portami via bella ciao bella ciao bella ciao ciao ciao partigiano portami via perché mi sento di morire una mattina e trovo

un'invasor, poi batto su in montagna per difendere l'onore, mi faccio partigiano e so che posso anche morire, ma muoio per la patria, per la nostra libertà, una mattina mi sono svegliato, oh bella, ciao, bella, ciao, bella, ciao, ciao, ciao, una mattina, mi sono svegliato ed ho trovato l' invasore. un partigiano, portami mia, oh bella, ciao, bella, ciao, bella, ciao, ciao, ciao, oh partigiano, portami via, perché mi sento di morì, se io muoio da partigiano, oh bella, ciao, bella, ciao, bella, ciao, ciao, ciao e se io muoio , dal partigiano

, tu mi devi se per lì, mi sveglio una mattina e trovo l'invasor, poi parto su in montagna per difendere l'onor, mi faccio partigiano e so che posso anche morire, ma muoio per la patria, per la nostra libertà, una mattina mi sono svegliato oh bella ciao bella ciao bella ciao ciao ciao una mattina mi sono svegliato ed ho trovato l'inv'... un partigiano portami via bella ciao bella ciao bella ciao ciao ciao partigiano portami via perché mi sento di morire b bella ciao bella ciao bella ciao ciao ciao una mattina mi sono svegliato e l'ho trovato un invaso oh bella ciao

bella ciao bella ciao ciao ciao partigiano portami via perché mi sento dimori bella ciao bella ciao bella ciao ciao ciao questa è la storia di un partigiano che è molto bella.

good morning, my beloved, my voice sounds only for you, my heart beats only for you.

nikolai baskov, on sunday on rtr. this is for you, well, did you get some sleep, gentlemen, just a minute , pay attention, today is a big day, a big holiday, dashing, we haven’t seen you for a long time, girls, well, you know, for

every cool fighter he’ll find an even cooler one, we fell in love with them , who is good for you, your wife or your boys, don’t ask stupid questions now, he loves them. until now, you are responsible for your words, i am always responsible for my words, heroes of their time, beauty, repin, the whole brigade is just on the platform. you look 100 to one, what is our task, open the whole board, we’ll handle it, if you ask, then there’s a catch, the name of which character from pushkin’s works everyone knows,

how much it will be 7.8, 7.8, 7.8, how much, who is at work, speaks a lot and loudly, if you answer, then with humor, chop, don’t pinch , problems with water, light, housing and communal services, i don’t know what else geometry, algebra, physics, chemistry are a set for headaches, god forbid now, if you win, then hurray, 100 to one, tomorrow on rtr. well now i have to tell all the jokes that i have left in stock, because after the artist who will now take the stage, there is no point in telling jokes, he is such a professional in this matter, i believe that he is generally the heir of yuri vladimovich nikulin, especially since he

also used to be a circus artist, that after him everything is already he looks pale, he is our best joke teller, and since , besides his passion for telling jokes , he also has... two hobbies, but he loves boxing and loves fishing, i once fished with him, it’s impossible, you’re sitting, you're waiting for something, you're waiting, and he takes out one by one, one by one , in my opinion, he catches fish even better than he tells jokes, so especially for him i tell about boxing, well, about boxing like that, i searched and searched, well, i finally found one joke, you know, a boxer is being tried , the judge says: why did you knock out your mother-in-law? waving and waving, suddenly it opened, how could i resist saying, all the second joke, a fisherman, it was once yuri vladimerovich nikulin said, a fisherman, he came to the lake

, in winter, he made a hole, he’s fishing , he has a shepherd dog, there’s a bottle, which means there’s a snack, right there near the hole and everyone is in joyful animation, the dog knows that he’ll catch it now and drink it 50 g, takes a bite and gives it to her to eat, suddenly a huge pike jumps out of this wormwood, grabs this snack back into the water, the fisherman is in an absolutely, absolutely incredible state, says: where were you looking, she says, i was stunned myself, well, here i am i prepared you, and now i announce, igor momenko! so, a healthy man comes to the pub, a girl, a mug of beer, the waitress, one second, brings them a mug of beer and a small, square beer coaster, well, everyone knows. he sings, repeat, of course, with the second mug

, there is no coaster, she understands that he took it as a souvenir, it’s okay, the coasters were brought last wednesday, 16 kg will not be lost, she brings another coaster, repeat, she brings another mug, the second there’s no stand either, he thinks i won’t bring any more, he’s a redneck, you can’t get enough, the next mug is brought without a stand, and his reaction is, oops, i don’t understand, where is the cookie? three foreigners enter the office of a serious company and meet the director about the delivery of swedish toilets for 17 years, the director meets, he sees such reputable companies have come, he tries to speak english, and after talking with the secretary on the speakerphone: natasha, please, i need a horse, and tea for these three goats! one says to two kazakhs, i’m a translator for women, she’s on

the tram from work, tired, and suddenly a guy in an eight-bladed jacket in a pea jacket, an impressive man in boots, comes up and asks her this question as for the depot, as for the depot, she understands that in front of her is a real frenchman. i ask before the depot, in the sense that

the tram is going to the depot, a young couple, the wife says: arthur, if i die, you will marry again, tamara, what are these gloomy texts, that you will die, why, just imagine, suddenly i die, so what, you get married, but you will never get married in your life, i only love. get married, she will sleep in my bed, never, i will sleep alone, remember about you, she will wear my clothes, no one will ever wear your clothes, she will travel in my car, no, but she doesn’t have a license , the police knock on the door, a man opens the door, search, here’s a warrant, information has reached us that you are selling drugs, please

search, searched everything , found nothing anywhere, one carpet in the middle , carpet, carpet, what’s there, nothing, carpet, lift the carpet, lift the carpet, there’s a nut like that, what is it, a nut, now you’ll have a nut, unscrew, unscrews the nut, the most terrible roar, it’s falling, something, what is it, i don’t know, down there? there's a cinema downstairs , i think the chandelier has fallen off, a woman walks into pharmacy, pharmacy, i’m listening to you, i need cyonite, why do you need cyonite, i want to poison my husband, i won’t sell you the price tag, she says, no problem and hands a photo of her handbag to the pharmacist, in the photo is her husband, the pharmacist’s wife in bed, reaction optics , obana, why didn’t you say that you were on a prescription?

a man returns from nowhere late at night, his wife, where was he playing billiards at 3:00 a.m., well , the balls didn’t fit well in the pocket, quickly into bed , he went to bed, he got a text message on his cell phone, he takes his cell phone, he goes into the bathroom, he closes, he reads it you’re amazing, it’s a miracle, fantastic, i really liked it, let’s repeat it again , he replies, i also liked it extraordinarily, let’s repeat it tomorrow, he goes to bed contentedly, his wife, where was he, in the museum, in the bathroom, of course, where else , what did you do, washed your hands, why did you take my cell phone? i don’t drink at all, yeah, i don’t drink at all, i don’t

drink alcohol at all. “i can only drink it as a last resort, when i’m stressed, a leaf fell from a tree, i’m stressed, a sparrow chirped loudly, stressed, i was sick, stressed, recovered, terrible stress, but my wife didn’t understands my tender psyche, somehow she says, are you drunk, i say, my friend valerik died, she says, valerik died 20 years

ago, i say, only now the grief of loss has come, she says, what a grief of loss, valerik was parrot, i don’t understand... i ’m completely, somehow he says, you need to unwind, she took me to the ballet, i saw this guy in tights on stage, i was so stressed, somehow you say, you need to read books, they help with stress, i took the first one i came across, stephen king, zombie vampire kills dead werewolves. to in the evening, out of stress, i drank everything that was in the house, i turned on kerosene, brilliant green to the place from the toilet duck, one day my mother-in-law said , let him watch tv, it will clear up, i started watching, they show such crap, i couldn’t stand it, i drank, wife

he says, where did you find stress here, i say, larisa, these tv moguls treat us like morons, they show such a golem: for a whole hour some kind of plate is spinning, she says: you’re a fool, you’re sitting in front of the microwave, the father-in-law says: i need to play board games, it helps with stress, start playing cards, i my father-in-law and my downstairs neighbor, baba zoya, 75 years old, were playing stripping. no matter how hard i tried so that baba zoya wouldn’t lose, i put up a trump card, drew her six aces, a ten trump eleven, she still lost and

undressed, i was so stressed, i got so drunk. then i look later, and grandma zoe is okay , sweetie, the main wife always somehow guesses that i’m drunk, somehow destroyed all the evidence, rinsed my mouth with bleach, threw away three bottles of cologne on myself, put on everything clean, i spin my meat on meat grinders, wife comes in, drank, i say how... you guessed it, she says, well, firstly, you are twisting the cat’s tail, and secondly, you put on my mother’s nightie without taking my mother out, somehow you say: let him do push-ups from the floor , it helps with stress, i must say those for

tv repairs in the apartment, took off all the covers from the sockets, i lay down to do push-ups, my toes hit the socket, i did 2700 push-ups. one day my wife said: you need to take a break, she took it for me a tour to the cognac factory with a cognac tasting, when on the eighth day the guards finally caught me, deported home, i felt like a bee that was deprived of a honey-bearing meadow. what a stress it was, i came in drunk, my wife freaked out, turned on the tv, and there malysheva said: the cause of stress is an excess of male hormones, here are castrated cats, they are calm, quiet,

they have no stress, the wife says: did you hear? cat, i say, larisochka, a miracle happened, i was healed, since then i have no stress or anything. i drink and stay positive all day, what i wish for you, thank you, there was such an artist that you all, of course, you know and remember, this is evgeny vstegneev, he was a wonderful artist, simply wonderful, in general. these, i think, were two phenomenal artists we had, leonov and evstegneev. evstegneev, well, it was believed that he could play anything. one day

someone asked him, evgeniy alexandrovich, could you play juliet? he thought he said, but not suddenly. here is an artist who will come out on stage now, he too, but not all of a sudden, but he can play whatever he wants on the stage. he played so many characters, probably like no one else. tomado, he played, he played. he played some grannies, some grandfathers , punk, he played too, he played a psychologist, he played a beekeeper, well, in general, he played everything, it’s not for nothing that we call him the man with a thousand faces. so, meet him, honored artist of russia, svetoslav eshchenko. did you know that more than half of life. variety shows are spent on tour, so our second home is a hotel, this second home,

it is no better, no worse than the first, you just can’t imagine what it’s like in my hotels a cheerful life, i mean the rooms are very cheerful, with rare exceptions some of them are so good with european-quality renovation and expensive equipment, i once had a faucet in the shape of a flower, i thought, it’s better not us... as long as it doesn’t break off, but it happens the other way around, on the contrary, the room is the other way around, where the water tap turns, the electric switch is stuck, the refrigerator is so humming that it is impossible to sleep, you can only fall asleep inside the refrigerator, and not always if there is, for example, a minibar, as i went to the reception , i say, listen, your tap is leaking, fix it, the water is constantly running , it’s terrible, he answers me, it’s okay, it’s terrible, we have a magnet on... you can’t waste god’s energy like that, it’s a sin, turn it off, or vice versa

, your light goes out, the light doesn’t turn on, it turns on, you just don’t know how , we’ll send you a maid now, she’ll train you, the girl comes in so positive and says: don’t be shy , hit him with your fist, hit him, he turned on, i say, thank you, girl, as soon as i wash myself, i’ll call you, why, well to go back? turn off the light, but for now go, as soon as i soaped up, the light went out, apparently she didn’t finish him off, i’m afraid to do it to him, maybe i’ll get it back, i’m all wet, i washed myself in the dark, but i began to see like a cat, and these still touch me, the risks on the taps, red and blue, as a rule , with hot cold water, but on the contrary, everything is mixed up, i have the impression that there is some kind of secret...

on the contrary, it’s cold, it’s cold, then it’s very convenient, in general, i shared these thoughts with that young maid, she silently she came up, so calmly with her fingernail she peeled off these risks from the tap, so she says to you it will be calmer, i say: girl, just don’t pick it out on the bidet, i beg you, otherwise i ’ll have to call an ambulance, i’m already used to the fact that it’s dangerous to open the blue one for everything. in krasnodar, i had a unique case , like a reputable hotel, i was confused from

the threshold, disposable slippers, which should be in the original packaging, they mean they are in a bag, manually tied with a knot, i untie them, they are yellow in color, the sole is gray, though i must say they smell like washing powder , nothing more than a myth, but i mean, on the contrary, the woman is so respectable, experienced in age, i say, you wash disposable slippers after each guest and slip them to new clients, that was the most worthy answer, i didn’t even argue with her. “don’t fool me naked , i have a lot of business to do without you, i went into the elevator, when the elevator doors were already closed, i managed to hear what kind of people they were, but they washed all their russians for nothing, and nothing after that i’m still

in bed ". i sniffed it in the hope that it also smelled like washing powder, you know, it smelled, and the same thing, i was completely terrified, i imagined that this laundry had been washed together with them, yes, i also had an incident in barnaul, uh, i checked in late, after the concert, after moving, it was already late at night, i think tomorrow i’ll sleep until lunch and hang it up... don’t disturb the little red magic sign, as a rule , on the back it says: clean the room, i hang the red side, don’t disturb, sleep, morning, next day, 9:00, knock on the door, i ask who’s there, voice behind the door, you definitely don’t need cleaning, i say , i put up a sign, voice, i’m just

leaving in 2 hours, think about it, i’m saying that i think, i’m sleeping, i’m not thinking, well, of course , the dream is interrupted, i call the reception, i say, please explain, maid, that don’t disturb, that means don’t come to the door , don’t ask, okay, be done, okay, okay , such a goal, okay, that's it, yes , well, the next evening the same story, i put up a sign, went to bed late, the next morning at 8:30, i hung up the sign, voice, it says clean the room, i think, that i'm crazy , maybe i got the sides mixed up, i open the door, there's actually a sign hanging in the room to clean it, i think how is this possible, maybe i’m completely bewildered, the maid has already passed, she’s standing opposite the man, watching, he comes up to me and says: i saw how she turned it over herself, now it’s a man, why do you think she needs this? , he says, well, why, quickly wash you off, today is sunday, i

mean at the reception, i say, we are not me... i love dirt, it’s clear, when i move away from you, you’ll scrub it off after me, tomorrow in my 3:00 pm plane, let me sleep until 12, he says: ok, ok, ok, everything is fine, morning, monday, 8:00, what do you think? no, not knock-knock, she opens it with the key, comes in, stood over me, i opened my eyes, she says, oh , i think you’ve already flown away, i say, why did i hang up the sign, suddenly they forgot to take it down, i decided to carefully check, she carefully decided to check, and then she says the following phrase, i just adored her, she says: since i’m up, you’re sleeping, and i’ll slowly start

cleaning up. and i wanted to sleep so much that i agreed to everything, i said, okay, just start with the bathroom there, i suddenly thought, great, when the room is opened with a key and it’s desirable that the lock sticks like that, because at least you have time to put on your pants or put on a robe, when you use a plastic card in seconds, and the person is with you, i’m somehow in...

political programs , then it’s much more intelligent, well, they don’t insult anyone, they just don’t spit at anyone, the saliva is just flying, so i was staring at it, suddenly it’s right next to my ear, oops, i know, i didn’t understand this expression to give birth before. here i felt it myself, and the girl who she opened my number with a card and didn’t even pay attention to the monsters. no, she just shouted into the corridor: “nina, bastard! we have artists here! ” well, finally, the case was in abakan,

i got a room with a separate bathroom, this is rare for a hotel, usually in a hotel the bathroom is combined, here it’s separate, perhaps converted into a hotel from an apartment building, i don’t know, in general, a separate bathroom, a toilet in one room.

there is one common water heater in the basement for the entire riser, i didn’t get hot water that day, but in the evening i got such hot water viewers, almost like you, is this a kept woman? i haven’t worked a day, she lives on her husband’s money, we look at the weekend, i turn out to be a mistress, and on our bed, either you leave, or we are with the children,

clearly, remember, you are empty space without me, zero, you thought about the children, i i'll find a job, carefully. from the wreckage of an old life you can build a new one, at least something in business, you know, sometimes it’s better than the old one, help, i got my very first contract, give me an office, maria kulikova, what the hell are you doing here, mom maybe today on rtr. please, acquaintance and roll call, you can build without it, i’m very glad that you came to visit me, how much tea was drunk, how many stories were told, i was

daring in a white suit, markolievich zakharov was walking around, and for me it was probably akin to a phenomenon christ to the people, how many secrets have been told. i’m like a man, a hunter of women, i like to attack, dad imagined that i would have a completely different husband, and how much more is ahead, i foresaw my fate, now everything is only coming true, everything i give up, with joy, let's all wave our hands when everyone is at home with timur kizikov, on sunday on rtr. are you inviting me to your theater? i invite you, sash, forgive me, yes, i’m a bastard, how could you, and you just

arrived? yeah, yes, me, nadya, valya, came to conquer moscow, who are you? and i, lena, are his wife. waiting for someone? yes, you, why? i would like to invite you to a restaurant. that's it, dear, i'll bring nadya back. misha, get out. i want to return to you, to seryozha. leave me and seryozha alone. i won't make any more mistakes going to. women, today on the mouth. one day there was a press conference. and if i

was born in antarctica, would i be a penguin? he was such an amazing person, so we’ll talk about baku, this artist came to us from baku, his parents were people’s artists of azerbaijan, after he graduated from the institute of culture, he... naturally worked in kvn, after that he wrote various scripts, humorous, comic for films, for stand-ups, and he himself became so infected with this stand-up that today we have it, it’s a glorious a team of stand-up performers, here he is its bright representative, this is a new genre for us, i hope you like it, isa ragimov, please meet him, well, in stand-up comedy it’s customary to talk about yourself.

let's get acquainted first, my name is esa , i am half russian, half azerbaijani , i live in the largest azerbaijani city in moscow, i adore this city, you know, i really like everything here, but there is a small problem due to the fact that my name is not russian, they don’t rent an apartment to me in moscow, most it’s a shame that i was recently refused by a realtor named ravshan, but i understand that it’s not his fault, it’s the whims of the owners, yes, that’s what they think, yes, if a newcomer means he will 100% ruin the apartment, i... don’t want anyone to offend, but you know, in order to ruin an apartment , you don’t have to be a visitor, i didn’t see that on the news, with a burning house in the background , there was a visitor standing there and giving an interview, we were just celebrating a birthday, suddenly the awning behind the awning caught fire and ah-filing, how scary it became, yes never never, i basically like everything here, but some things really surprise me, well, once, in order to get a residence permit , i took an exam in russian, here’s the nuance, when i asked what day the exam was, the admissions committee told me in russian: we

’ll call you, we’ll call you great, i it seems that they have a rule that those who do not pass russian remain to work there, you know, when i was going to take this exam in russian, i was worried that there would suddenly be some very difficult questions, but then i relaxed so much when i saw how i have competition there, i saw how one dude entered the exam he said, this is an exam here, squeak-squeak squeak-squeak -squeak, i look at the commission, i say, it turns out i passed, yes, well, basically. you can go, and you know, i was amazed that i answered all the questions, he only answered half of them, and he was given the same diploma as me, that is, my russian was compared to pisch pisch pisch, and i paid the state duty of 5,000, what the hell, i don’t understand, well, i would like for us to have different diplomas, yes, so that my diploma says native speaker, and that guy has a drag, because i want justice, that’s all. i have a friend,

who stutters and writes text messages with errors, i once told him that he writes illiterately and he started sending me voicemails, this is such hell, i swear, it was impossible to listen to, i noticed that many people come to adapt to russia, they take russian names for themselves, change their name to russian, and i, frankly speaking, am against this, because sometimes these name changes are very misleading, in short, i ordered a taxi the other day, i had to... the message arrived from the driver victor , i get into the car, there’s no damn victor there, there’s no victor there it smelled, it smelled of samosa, i swear, i, i got nervous, i told him what you did to victor, he looked as if nothing had happened, i’m victor. i felt some

kind of catch, it seemed to me that when we got to my house, he would say, and now you, victor will get out of the car, i often use taxis, i recently downloaded an application on my phone, where you can set the price for the driver yourself, for you want to go, then the driver decides to take the order or set the price higher, and in short i learned that when the driver is ordered girls, taxi drivers are willing to give big discounts, i registered as svetlana, the driver was found at... crazy discounts, i get into the car, he’s like: where is svetlana? i answer: i’m svetlana, but it’s fair to me that victor is such a svetlana, so there are zero complaints at all, i recently came across a very picky taxi driver, i paid him in cash, i gave him a bill , coins when i got out of the car , he threw coins at me in the back and drove off, i thought, why the hell did i get my cashback. i also gave him a high five

stars and noted a sociable and generally amazing person, you know, i’m generally such a non-conflict person, i’m generally shy. people respond rudely to rudeness, even when i was very directly rude, so i am very fascinated by impudent people, i recently saw a pretentious woman come out of tsuma, very pretentious, a homeless man walked past her and accidentally touched her glove, she defiantly threw the glove at trash can, the homeless man noticed this and gave her a kick, and then he took off his shoe, which he kicked and threw away in the same trash can, it... it was just an amazing picture, i look at it and think, but in fact they started a strip fight, seriously, now the trash cans, a glove from gucci and a boot from valera, yes, let’s talk a little about relationship, i’ve been in a relationship with a girl for five years now, i’m faithful in the relationship, because i

live in her apartment, and when the conversation comes up on this topic with my friends, it irritates me very much when they start teasing me about this , like alphonse, alphonse, buddy, you're alphonse, let's figure it out. alphonse is when it’s not for love, but i love her because she’s beautiful , next to the metro, not far from the center, great infrastructure, everything suits me, in principle, yes, i just don’t like it when they start imposing these old things on me beliefs, like a friend recently told me, that’s right, when you move in with a guy, this is a healthy relationship, if i move in with a guy, it won’t be a healthy relationship, so... i met my girlfriend’s father at this meeting, both of us we were really worried, we were very nervous, from the outside it seemed as if we were flirting with each other, well, i threw him some compliments, supposedly, like, like, your tincture is the best, and he was like: i always wanted a son, right in front of my daughter, i wasn’t

embarrassed at all, and we’re just friends, he ’s very attached to me and it makes me, well, i’m worried about this, because if god forbid, i break up with his daughter, i’ll have a new relationship, he’ll be watching for me somewhere s will say, hi, i saw you with another father-in-law, tell me what he is better than me, and i loved you, if this happens, i will answer: “anatoly, if you love me, let me go.” finally, i’ll tell you this story: i once flew abroad with a friend, and this genius decided to play a prank on me. i have been doing humor for many years, but i am very annoyed by people who joke where it is inappropriate. remember, when you open a card, new year's music plays, you close it, it turns off, so, secretly from me, he pulled out a music chip from there, which is responsible for playing this new year's music, inserted into my passport, and i found out about this only at passport

control, as if nothing had happened, i give the woman my passport, she opens it, and there it is. she says: where does the music come from? i ’m like this, you hear her too, she looks at me and says: what is this? i say: merry christmas? but after a couple of minutes i realized that it was a prank of my friend, because he stood aside and filmed everything on his phone, everything that happened there, i decided to take revenge on him, i approached the police at the airport and said that this man had. something forbidden, they searched him and found him, guess what, i didn’t know, i didn’t know, in the end i received gratitude, suddenly deportation from moldova, thank you very much for your attention, good luck to everyone, isa ragimov, thank you.

the artist who is about to appear on stage, and not alone, he leads his own jazz orchestra, he has his own jazz festival, and even people who are far from jazz, if they hear him, fall completely under his charm, he performs so well that everyone they just get huge the pleasure that he performs the magical power of art, this is about him, people's artist of russia, igor butman. hello, i’m very glad to see you all. it’s very nice that the wonderful artist leon izmailov invited us. and today i will be happy to perform for you with my

quartet, consisting of four people, including me. one of the most remarkable drummers of our time, eduard zizak, plays the drums. a musician from chelyabinsk, sergey korchagin, plays the double bass. and on the fartepian. plays one of the most unique musicians in modern russia, winner of the second prize of the prestigious competition in the united states of america for vocalists, but also pianists, oleg akuratov.

once upon a time there was a tavern when we used to raise w glass or two, remember how we laugh the way the hours and think of all the great things we would do, then the busy years where russian bias, it lost our store emotions on the way. oh my friend no roller but no eyeser, for in our hearts a dream that's still the same, those were the days my friends, we thought that never ends, we sing and dance forever and a day, we live the life we ​​choose, we finally never lose, those were the days, oh yes those were the days i

dans une taverne du vieux lombre, vous serez trouvé des étrangers, le cri de joie monte de l'ombre, et nous égontions en cœur chanté. et puis ont venu d'un jour de bruleur avec des blises étrangees et des fleurs, combien je passer la nuit sans lune à chercher la taverne dans mon cœur, c'était le temps de quoi, on ignor le lendemain avec tes de

mieux, whether in a troika with the bumenites , lights flashed in the distance, i wish now the falcons were behind you, i wish i could scatter my soul from the board, but it turns out we sang for nothing, we walked in vain night after night, if we were done with the old, so these nights passed away . like a long box and

a moonlit night, and from the song that flies into the distance from me, and its ancient, on this string, then at night it tormented me so much, the long road, home, not even the one who will fly away from me, but how long. thank you,

those who want to stay informed, watch the week's news, a program for advanced people. news of the week with dmitry kiselyov. on sunday on rtr. hello on the rossiyavesti tv channel. europe and the united states no longer believe in kyiv's victory. the vaunted american abrams burn no worse than the advertised german leopards. and this is confirmed by daily reports. communicate with

world leaders while ignoring zelensky’s russian language. i was informed that i was the first candidate in a timely manner, on the 90th anniversary of the birth of yuri gagarin. at what point did korolev realize that he should be the first? and first, 850

mercenary soldiers of the ukrainian armed forces, as well as over 10 units equipment have been deployed in various areas of the special operation for the past 24 hours, the ministry of defense reported this today. in the kherson region on the right bank of the dnieper, our military blinded the launchers of the norwegian nasems air defense complex. the lancets gave birth to a radar station, with the help of which militants determined the location of targets. the paratroopers knocked out the czech vampire rocket system. the kiev regime used such missile systems to strike, including belgorod. in the artyomovsk direction , the crew strikes at ukrainian fortifications. k-52 helicopters alligator. fighters from the center group attacked 350 targets in the vicinity of avdeevka. there the enemy tried unsuccessfully to regain lost territory five times. frontline reporting by alexander kazzuba. hurricanes on the positions

of the ukrainian armed forces. each missile penetrates the enemy's layered defenses. artillery group. the troop center supports the advance of our infantry in the avdeevka direction. all the missiles hit the target, our reconnaissance drone coordinates the actions of the crews of the hurricane multiple launch rocket systems. a hurricane is like a sniper for the enemy rifle. the more we work, the fewer casualties the infantry suffers, the more casualties the enemy suffers. at a camouflaged artillery position. another combat vehicle is preparing for battle: the crew is in place. the enemy has gathered powerful forces into a fist, so you need to strike quickly and accurately. aerial reconnaissance detected the advance of an enemy armored column to the west of our forward positions. the hurricane is fully charged. the shells are high-explosive fragmentation, the weight of each missile is 280

kg. there are 16 guide areas. defeat equal to ten football fields 50-22 missiles they fell very closely together, the enemy’s attempt to stop our offensive on this section of the front was thwarted, we worked on them with adjustments , they hit, the enemy suffered heavy losses, there were their armored vehicles, tanks and an infantry fighting vehicle, the combat work of the artillery in the center’s troop groups does not stop for a minute, hurricanes cover the positions. from several directions at once. the enemy continues to move backward, losing dozens of his soldiers every day. alexander katsuba, alexander malyshev, lead: avdeevskoe direction. none the supply of weapons to ukraine will not be stopped by the fire of the kiev regime, he, the first deputy permanent representative of our country

, dmitry polyansky, stated this. according to him, the west , although slowly, is beginning to realize this. polyansky also emphasized that... russia strikes exclusively at military targets, and civilians in ukraine suffer only because of the unprofessional work of ukrainian air defense. but however, on the ground the ukrainian armed forces are not acting any better, which is why europe and the united states no longer believe in kiev’s victory. the rates have already been greatly reduced, instead of calls to help ukraine win, we increasingly hear mantras that russia must not be allowed to win. however, in conditions when the initiative at the front completely passed to the russian army. the only question is what zelensky’s western sponsors and his clique are willing to do to try to save their geopolitical project of creating anti-russia on our borders from complete collapse. the supply of weapons here is clearly not enough, as it turned out in recent days, the vaunted american abrams do not burn worse than the advertised german leopards.

turkey confirmed its readiness to hold peace negotiations with the participation of ukraine and russia, president recep erdogan stated this after negotiations with the leader of ukraine. he said that he also discussed security issues in the black sea and the grain deal with zelensky. at the same time, at the final press conference , erdogan and zelensky expressed the opposite. the president of turkey that he is ready to host a peace summit with russia and ukraine, and the president of ukraine that he supports the idea of ​​a peace summit, but without representatives of russia on it, with whom he is going to negotiate, remained unclear, perhaps due to translation difficulties, ideology prevents zelensky from using russian , for some reason there was no asynchronist who could speak ukrainian and turkish, report to zusil, please ...

will prime minister sunok correct the situation and does he have a chance of this from london? report by alexander khabarov. former british prime minister theresa may announced her decision to leave big politics. she will not stand as a candidate next parliamentary elections from the ruling conservative party. after much reflection and looking to the future, i realized that i could no longer do my job as a member of parliament in the way that i believe is right and deserves. theresa may became prime minister in 2016 after david cameron left the post of head of government after losing the brexit referendum. as prime minister

, theresa may was remembered for failing negotiations with the european union and sharply deteriorating relations with russia after the mysterious incident in saltbear. i think teresa was an absolutely brilliant statesman . we served together for more than 12 years, and she has a huge track record behind her. theresa may has become the 64th conservative mp ready to quit. among those who do not intend to continue to engage in politics is former defense secretary ben wallis. the reason why the conservatives are fleeing is simple: the party has little chance of remaining in power. prime minister sunok learned about theresa may's decision while visiting a company that produces electric boilers. rishi sunok managed to connect the wires there. things are much worse for him with unity in his own party. obviously. that it is a very important decision by theresa may to resign next election. this is unexpected, but of course we have already heard this from a large number of sitting conservative mps. they have decided not to stand

as a candidate at the next election and i think that shows that frankly there is no confidence in rishi sunak or the conservative party. commissioned public opinion poll one of the british television channels showed that 46% of voters are going to vote. parliament's budget hinted that the conservatives might remove compulsory contributions to the national insurance system in the future. the ruling conservative party considered this draft budget as a pre-election one, but in the current situation , any financial decisions by the government are unlikely to change the balance of political forces. at the end of last year the country's economy. was in a technical recession, projected growth this year is minimal, only 4% of britons surveyed believe that the government's new budget can

change anything. the opposition libraists have no doubt about the upcoming victory. shadow chancellor of the exchequer, rachel reeves, published a video message calling herself the first woman to head the british treasury in its 800-year history. the position of chancellor exists. in the fall, but does not reject the possibility that they can be organized earlier. alexander khabarov, ilya murdyukov, lead great britain. almost 25 thousand tons of herring this year they will catch

a real invasion of fish in the baltic sea in the kaliningrad bay due to the warm weather. which is also called baltic herring. the fishery began 3 weeks 3 weeks ahead of schedule, and for amateur fishermen, the herring goes to the hooks on its own, even without bait. report by marina naumova. in the northern malu, all the fishing spots are occupied; in the morning there are a forest of fishing rods. the bite on these stones is such that it only manages to get the catch out of the water. catching baltic herring is a gambling business; in one cast you can pull out a whole garland of 5-8 herrings. fish, the main thing is that it doesn’t get off the hook , during the spring season baltiysk experiences a fishing fever, here the baltic sea is connected by a canal to the kaliningrad bay, in which shoals of herring go to spawn, not a single fishing lover will miss the moment when you can easily bring home a couple of buckets of fish with silvery scales, loves to let it shine, play, and grab, the main thing here is not to hook each other, and this is that it’s like her scoop, not fishing, but a scoop, i’ll throw it.

pulled it out, threw it in, pulled it out, that’s all fishing, they catch herring on bare hooks, there can be up to ten of them on one line, the main thing is to cast the rig further away, the fish moving in a school immediately bites , then with bags, when it goes, if you have enough strength, then carry it away and wave so much, your ears will crackle when you're bursting, because of the warm weather the water has warmed up enough and fishing began this year half a month ahead of schedule, not only fishermen are seizing their moment, baltic tulles have also joined the fishery. now they are coming close to the shore and not paying attention to people with they eat herring and pike perch with an appetite, there is enough fish for everyone, i see a sexual seal, i think there will be no fishing, but there was still a fish , there was a seal and there was fish, the most prepared fish from the water in rubber boats less than competitors, the main thing here is to stop on time, allowed the norm is 10 kg, and it cannot be exceeded, we are on a boat with a friend, we are catching fish, there are a lot of people today. a story

is a separate folklore, it is born right on the go, and the better the bite, the more it looks like the truth, this little weight, it when a school of herring approaches , it doesn’t even break through to the bottom , it slows down on this fish, so they threw it at the fish, yes, yes, yes, because they are completely standing fish in several layers, they are now targeting the most important commercial fish of the baltic sea and local fishing state farms trawling... bays and coastal waters of the baltic. fish processing plants are operating at full capacity. herring is valued for its tender meat; its pleasant taste is called the silver of the baltic. there are dozens of recipes for preparing this baltic relative, the atlantic herring. we fry it, we dry it, we make cutlets out of it so that you can’t tell the difference from meat cutlets. and the main dish, the simplest one, is to salt the herring and dip it in flour in a frying pan. there is nothing tastier than crispy

fish with butter. today marks the 90th anniversary of the birth of yuri gagarin, a simple shy man, he never thought about fame and awards, but his flight changed the world. in honor of the anniversary, a large museum marathon from kamchatka to kaliningrad started today, all the main events in the smolensk region in the small homeland of the first cosmonaut on the planet. reportage daria okonevoy. yuri gagarin spent his childhood here on the outskirts of the village of klushino with a view of the smolensk distance, where the earth meets the sky and his stellar journey began. the first photo of yura, here he is four, in 3 years the germans will come to the village, the nazis will occupy the family’s house, the gagarins themselves will go into a dugout in the yard , one day two soviet pilots will land nearby. so hot in battle, gesticulating at the fascists, we ’ll give you more, this episode will stick forever.

he will remember his childhood dream of heaven later, when in saratov he accidentally joined a flying club and signed up; the club and the plane that first took him into the sky have survived to this day. his heart skipped a beat when the instructor ordered to get out onto the wing, because the jump was being made from the wing of an airplane, so the instructor then encouraged him, come on yura, the girls below are looking bolder, but gagarin could well have become a professional athlete, hockey, volleyball, water skiing, young a man with a height of 165 cm received a referral to the leningrad basketball club. here's how i gave the pass head yuri gogarin, such a really short man, and what a smile he had, you would never forget it. and yet i chose the sky. orenburg flight school with honors of being distributed to the arctic, here are the high boots of the polar pilot gagarin, an application for selection into the cosmonaut corps, the

fact that gagarin should be the first. i realized when i showed the squad the model of the east for the first time, he came up, took off his boots and fit into the model, pavlovich liked it so much, he saw it. respect for space technology, his calmness before launch, of course, external, wrote a farewell letter to his wife, realizing the risks, let's go, 108 minutes in orbit and the first photo after landing, the sallow face of a man who had an incredible experience, the man really returned well from hell, you probably understand, because in 11 interstate situations , all emergency situations could have ended in death, then there was world fame, he visited 27 countries and discovered his talent for confidently answering even tricky questions from western journalists. when were you informed that you were the first candidate? about being the first candidate informed me in a timely manner, he devoted all his free time to his wife and daughters, whom he adored.

when to have lunch, when to sleep, when to start work. his memory is carefully preserved in the family. daughter elena opens an exhibition dedicated to her dad. will forever remain a living person. full of strength, full of energy. gagarin could not live without the sky. on march 27, 1968 , he took off from chkalovsky airport in a training mik-15 paired with instructor seryogin. the flight mission was supposed to take about 20 minutes, but after 12 they request permission to return to base. 10 hours 31 minutes 18 seconds, at a speed of almost 700 km/h, falling from a height of 4,200 m, here they crash into the ground. here, in a remote area of ​​vladimirsky. area there are always fresh flowers. gagarin is a name that still does not require translation. his smile is still recognized by the whole world, the guy who was the first. daria okuneva, andrey netreba, lead. this is the message, this is what will happen next in our program. in the seaside,

despite the snow cyclone, three natural fires broke out. a unique model of the ural motorcycle and a miracle of nature has appeared. lena pillars in yakutia, can now be seen even at night. more about this and more after the advertisement. see you. “if i were your woman, you could get everything you want, anna is a medium, i don’t want to spoil our working relationship, they are really just working, on monday on rtr, we gathered about ten people into the first group, there were short calls , we are going to donetsk, you are with us, yes , when my soldiers come running, they me..."

to you, hello, dear soldier, and in fact, without your help you would not have survived, only ours can, honor and praise to you , that you do, this is simply amazing, from monday to thursday on rtr, is this for you? well, did you get enough sleep? gentlemen, just a moment, attention. today is a big day, a big holiday. poles. it's been a while since we've seen each other. daring. you

know, but for every cool fighter , he’ll find an even cooler one. they fell in love. yes, who is good to you, your wife or your boys? don't ask stupid questions now. they are still loved today. you. you are responsible for your words, i am always responsible for my words, hero of my time, beauty, repin, the whole team, only on the platform look, love reigns in this room, love for a man who has become a symbol of a generation.

clean up for us, and mom, well,

little mom, can’t cope without you? you can start life from scratch. hello, i recognized you, oles, after so many years, i knew that you would call someday, but the past cannot be erased. we had a chapter called karina. we can write another chapter called the three of us again. i want to fix everything. southern cyclone. on sunday on rtr, sashenka, turn on the morning one playlist, turn on the music. sasha, how should i dress today? dress warmly and take a zoom. sasha, what time is my meeting? at 15:00. sasha, where should we go for breakfast? i found three establishments nearby, but

vote first. sasha, what’s the best way to get there? i've built a route, turn left, you 've arrived. sasha, who should i vote for? and you must decide this for yourself. together - we are force. let's vote for russia. this is news, we are continuing the release. the snow cyclone that covered primorye did not help to completely extinguish wildfires in the region. behind in the last 24 hours, three new outbreaks have emerged, one of them covering almost a thousand hectares. by this time the fire had been localized. in the dpr, a subdivision of the ministry of emergency situations is extinguishing dry wood; in two areas at once, not far from the city of kirovskaya, the fire destroyed 800 km of grass. the fire was quickly extinguished in the village of styla.

motorcycle plant in the sverdlovsk region produced a unique series of legendary urals, world-famous motorcycles have been assembled there for more than eighty years, among buyers from the usa, europe and the middle east east, reporting by albert musin. with a loud roar, another ural motorcycle makes its first run through the old workshop. currently , about a dozen urals are being assembled at the irbit plant. sergei barybin dedicated almost his entire life to this legendary motorcycle, and over more than 30 years he has assembled hundreds of machines. yes, we assemble every car with love, because it is our motorcycle. and completely manually. yes, manually. after the crisis of the nineties, when the plant was barely staying afloat, they decided to abandon mass production. motorcycle rebranded. it and the ural has transformed from mass production into world

-class premium equipment, so that all machines here today are made exclusively to order. the general layout of the urals has remained unchanged over the decade, the same recognizable appearance, the side stroller popularly nicknamed the cradle, the huge fish-eye-shaped front light and even the color palette of these cars, the factory tried to preserve all this. the filling has completely changed: sports suspension, environmentally friendly engine, the latest electronics with the ability autostart. raleigh dakar champion, racer sergei koryakin also tested the car and recognized all the qualities of an excellent car. cool, on a motorcycle - this is such a degree of freedom when you can go on some kind of expedition, on some kind of trip on a motorcycle, so i would go on such a motorcycle with great pleasure on an expedition, because you can’t carry everything you need, you can put passenger with a child to go somewhere. the history of the ural began in 1940, it was an army motorcycle based on the german bmw. in subsequent over the years it has undergone dozens of modifications.

personal designs were designed to accompany the top officials of the state; one was created by order of yuri nikulin for the circus on tsvetnoy boulevard. the guinness book record for the longest non-stop trip was also set in the urals. its author today runs the museum of all irbit motor vehicles. i, kostya matveev tolebe, well, the same team, we drove non-stop, 25.505, 18 days, non -stop. today. it is the sidecar and the retro appearance that distinguish the ural motorcycle from other world leaders in the industry. so, that 95% of the plant’s products are ordered from the usa, europe and arab countries. however, several cars will very soon be on the ural roads. 20 motorcycles will be raffled off throughout the region during a quiz on voting days from march 15 to 17. albert musin, maksata pargildiev, dmitry komov, elena goleeva, conduct the sverdlovsk region. the grave of vasily kazhevnikov, a diplomat who a century and a half ago represented the russian empire in the holy land

and was one of the creators of russian palestine, has been discovered in jerusalem. kozhevnikov is buried on a small orthodox cemetery next to his wife. now we are specialists. vladimir , the priest of the russian spiritual mission in jerusalem, serves a litiya, eternal memory is sung to the servant of god vasily, the grave of the russian consul general in the quiet, very small zion cemetery, near the fortress walls of the old city of jerusalem was discovered and attributed by russian diplomats and historians quite recently. blessed, for you accepted and chose you, o lord, the inscription on the gravestone, vasily kozhevnikov, russian consul general, buried in holy ground, in the patriarchal cemetery of the holy city of jerusalem. one of

the orthodox nuns knew that the consul general of the russian empire vasily kozhevnikov and his wife, lyubov emelyanovna, were buried in this quiet, little-known cemetery. based on her research, quite recently our diplomats were able to find in the national. kozhevnikov, through whose labors a large section of the mount of olives was acquired. in the year of his death in 1885 , construction of a temple began on this site, a real pearl of russian palestine. thanks to his efforts, in particular , a plot of land was acquired, a land holding on mount ilium in jerusalem, which. this landholding is now decorated by the russian orthodox church, in honor of the holy equal-to-the-apostles mary magdalene. together with working restorers, we lift and put in place the heavy stones above the tomb designed by the architect george frangi, the famous builder of the sergievsky and

alexander farmsteads at the end of the 19th century. yes, there is a lot of moss here, if you pay attention, there is a lot of mold and moss fungus.

vasily kozhevnikov, one of the collectors and creators of russian palestine, through his works and the works of his predecessors and followers. in the ottoman province at that time , land plots were purchased, churches and monasteries, hospitals and schools, farmsteads and pilgrimage houses were built. russian diplomats , priests, and missionaries took care of and collected bit by bit the evangelical places in jerusalem, hebron, yafa, jericho, and the sea of ​​galilee. they looked after the endless stream of pilgrims who came to where christ’s earthly days were spent. today their descendants are proclaiming eternal memory, they collect, restore and preserve the memory of the creators of russian palestine. sergey pashkov, alexander ivanyuk, anastasia demyanets, lead

jerusalem. the main attraction of yakutia, the lena pillars, can now be seen not only during the day, but also at night. a rock complex that... there are no less picturesque places. on the way to the lena pillars, you definitely need to stop by this sacred place, it ’s called the cave of desires, hundreds, or even... thousands of tourists come here every year in order to look at this indescribable beauty, here you can make a wish, it will definitely come true. the legendary natural

park is located in the very center of the region, 200 km from yakutsk on the banks of the great siberian river lena, hence the name lena pillars; people come here to recharge their energy and relax their souls. guests are invited to try on such a chic national costume with a real bear’s head already at the entrance to the territory... treat it with an open face and so that it leaves here with a smile. lena pillars stacked from cambrian limestones. this rock

began to form 560 million years ago. it is here that scientists regularly find the remains of the first skeletal organisms. the territory of labadzhi, the mouth of the labidzha river, is a zone of absolute peace. here, sanitary points, electricity, that is, capital buildings are prohibited by law, because this is nature. which we must preserve. the first tourist route was opened here in 1966 . since then, interest in these sacred places has only grown, the snow cover gives stone giants will become special. with the construction of the tourist base and the number of guests, more people come to look at the land pillars. you can admire the unique miracle of nature at night; the shape and texture of the rocks are emphasized by powerful led lights. so the outline. world heritage masterpieces fascinate even more. vitaly prokopyev, soskalan kopyrin, vadim scriabin, lead yakutia. in the novosibirsk region

, the village of bolshoi oezh was completely gasified, 130 houses were connected, this became possible thanks to the support of united russia. total in the region plans to switch more than 150 settlements to natural gas. rusfond is raising money for thirteen-year-old alena litvenchuk. the girl was born with a pathology of the upper lip.

we decided that we could handle it, we would do everything possible for her, because now our medicine is at a very high level, doctors are now doing such miracles, in the 13 years of their lives the girls have already had five operations, there is just a little left, they did a good operation on me in silence my upper lip, now i’m almost no different from other children, i still have to straighten my teeth, they are already waiting for alena in one of the capital’s clinics; experienced specialists have been working there for a long time. this is done with such patients.