the whole country knows them, because they are the voices of the era, but sometimes no one knew what personal... dramas were hidden behind their joy on the air. after 50 long years, all the secrets of the legends of the all-union radio and the most unexpected meeting. live broadcast on monday on rtr. oh, how long ago it was. in the nineties , angelina vovk and i hosted a program called “adults and children.” and she once told me: “let me bring my friend, his son sings such a good song that this friend of mine s.” rank, but

they came, father and son, the son sang a song about a dog that was already known throughout the country, but no one knew dad, and dad shared with me and told me that he has two songs that, if they come out somewhere on radio or television, they will be sung the whole country, i honestly didn’t believe it, because who can know in advance whether they will sing the song or not, but it was definitely in the top ten, even in two dozen, since then it’s been 30... years, every year produces either one or two hits, and two of his songs have become simply informal anthems, one song became the informal anthem of moscow, and the other song became the informal anthem of all officers of the russian federation. i think you already understand who we are talking about, i love him very much, there is not a single program in which i would not invite him, and he never refuses me. so, people's artist of russia,

oleg gazmanov, let's cancel mondays, even though we are far from slackers, they are somehow dull, we are like birds without wings, then we will cancel these second ones. we are like hermits at work, we haven’t moved away from sunday, we i dream of the smells of spring, hey, on wednesdays it’s somehow very sad for us, on thursdays we already have a premonition that saturday is somewhere ahead, it’s time to stop working, otherwise... in the offices

it’s lights out, lights out, this evening is mine, lights out, schools have a day off, bye, everyone is going home, bye, lights out in the offices, bye, this evening is mine, bye, it's a day off at schools, bye, everyone is going home, let's leave only friday, you in your smart dress, we'll go out the window with an alarm clock and entry is free refrigerator, let it be so that there is no birth, i would walk like... for a week, that at work we

we missed you, but on monday, so as not to suffer, both, hotboy, both, this evening is mine, and the battle, schools have a day off, and the battle, everyone is going home,

now i want to invite the comedian to the stage, whom, of course, you all know. this is one of the most popular comedians in our country, he is in great demand, you know, his concerts are scheduled several months in advance, but when i met him, he was just a businessman, a former circus

performer, an acrobat, who church dusaley traveled all over the world, well, that’s how it happened, his an artist brought him to full house, nikolai lukinsky, they played miniatures there, then he... turned to me, i wrote him a number, he performed with it, and then he himself made a number that made him immediately three or four they invited him to the program, he reads monologues, i don’t know who else reads monologues like him, but he also tells great jokes, well, it’s just that he’s just the real heir of yuri vladimirovich nikulin, especially since he’s also a circus performer, i’ll tell you more than one anecdote from his repertoire, he approaches a shawarma seller the buyer says: please tell me, this shawarma of yours, what did it do before, meow or bark? the seller says: she used to ask stupid questions, but i could tell a lot of anecdotes from the repertoire, but i won’t do this, because he himself does it much better, igor momenko,

meet him, well, i’ll tell you a couple of jokes, since takevich is for me. so, a georgian comes to the doctor for an appointment, doctor, take off your clothes, i don’t understand, and what’s unclear, come to the doctor, take off your clothes, dear, i haven’t managed to do anything yet to say, you’re already putting me at a dead end, you know what, i’m a doctor, i know better what you need to do, let’s decide, okay, i ’ll do everything as you told me, just don’t be nervous, undress completely. standing absolutely naked, doctors, i’m listening to you, i’m a coal miner, i brought coal, where to unload it, representatives of the criminal world, simply

bandits, as we say, brought a young healthy guy to a frozen forest lake, cut through such a huge wormwood, lowered his head into the icy water. that he was more accommodating, the older one says: well, brother, tell us all, real estate, new cars, like what it is, no, you ’re just making me do it, idiot, repeat, they put him in ice water again, they take him out, well, maybe you’ll be a horny one, tell me antiques, paintings in originals, such as ruben with a foray like the one that exists. nothing at all, i knew you’d like it, fuck it, repeat, they put it down again, take it out, well, maybe you’ll be more playful, tell me, jewelry, precious stones like what’s there, guys, there’s nothing,

absolutely, maybe there is something, but the water is cloudy and you can’t see it. the collective farm brought pills for the day to increase potency in bulls. the next day , the collective farmers gathered to see what kind of miracle this was? previously, bulls managed without pills, and one milkmaid asks: why are they so green? and they say, well, because he was a herbivore, so he could, as it were, confuse the drug with grass and take it without fear. why are they so big? nubykh is a huge animal, dosage. corresponding, the chairman is sitting in the corner, you can’t imagine how bitter they are, a huge il-96 airliner, packed to capacity,

people flying away to relax in warmer climes, everyone’s spirits are high, someone is drinking cognac, someone is looking through a magazine, everyone is minding their own business, suddenly into the salon s... the pilots come in, absolutely all blind, all wearing black glasses, the dog leading the way, they went into the cockpit, closed, the people went crazy, of course. to the second he says: they won’t screw it up someday, we’ll definitely stick somewhere, thank you, but

there’s no other way to the other side, no, only bridge, we must have time to cross the bridge, righteous man, premiere on may 9 on rtr. rest is leaving yourself alone. rest means not thinking about anything. when you are calm and completely switched off. rest is rest. we know everything about holidays. anaexс burbon storsman is a product

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productlar group, who in your opinion sings, who doesn’t sing, a big musical premiere, which of you doesn’t sing. that everything is confused, who is lying, who doesn’t sing, who has already been with me, how nice it is for me to watch you fidget and worry, we think, and you know that none of them sing, think, decide, tell, listen, who doesn’t sing, catch me if you can, be stunned, soon on rtr i knew two of these

artists, vadim tankov and boris vladimirov, each of them had characters grannies, one had an intelligent granny, the second had such a simple granny, but then these grannies were united in the program teremok, alexander shirvint, they got such a wonderful couple, veronica. their popularity in soviet times was crazy, not a single light was complete without these funny grannies, i must say that i once even went on tour with them for a whole week in one city, two concerts a day in the betkom hall, people were dying of laughter over their reprises, jokes, over miniatures, they had solo concerts, naturally, and you know, there is a saying that you can’t step into... a river twice, but these today’s artists have succeeded, they play their grandmothers, and they not

only portray these grandmothers, but also do parodies and sing , and one of them, or most likely one, even did a somersault on stage, so these are our new russian grandmothers today, meet them!

the red-haired old lady got stuck again, i'm standing there like a fool, alone, that's where she disappeared, she was just standing with her fingers, she was picking her nose, and that's how this clav constantly forgets something put it on and take it off, then the boots were torn, then they attacked, then the kotsenka. the tree needs to be taken down, it needs to be taken down urgently, it needs to be taken down right now, well again, hello everyone, brothers, there’s no need to be scared, it’s just about five minutes late, just behind the scenes, someone nice, i wanted to take my phone number, i gave it to him number, he

didn’t die like a fool, he could barely pump it out and... for the sound to you, in general, hello, people, now it’ll be fine, we’ll fall out of life for about 100 minutes, and where are the rhymes, but there’s no rhyme, yes, yes, yes , the rhyme is a problem, but for a cheerful song it’s all nonsense, we came to you from afar, no one writes poetry anywhere, no one ever!

then who danced the worst, who was most hindered by these, how quietly, quietly, pointe shoes, comrades watched the stage and thought, the swans are on the wrong, wrong rod, then, naturally, i would have a couple of nasty things with this swan, who i would doubt it, you certainly are, are you really going to whittle here, words, what are you talking about? disgrace yourself princess chicken, why are you doing these things, do you think it’s beautiful, or something, stop rattling your bones with a stupid set at the guy, you don’t understand anything, this is a dance, dance dying of love lads, yes, you ’re already dead, have you gone crazy or something, right in the tailbone, listen, people didn’t come to

watch you squirm here, i also like the filament-dried version, i won’t go with are you more on pain? i won’t go to the cinema, there’s a lot more sex there than on the screen, and you ’re also crazy, comrades, i’ll tell you another outrageous case, ida recently said, today at the cinema there’s a horror film, what’s it called, the dead dead, and the main thing is, the lights have been turned off, the screensaver has already started, columbia pitch will be presented by the film by john jay jay jr. little flower the killer part two, horror in the cinema, then this little flower came into the hall and walked in front of the screen with two buckets of sweet popcorn and so the lights were turned on. everyone thought, the film has already started, it came in 3d, it’s not carnal for you, i got lost in the dark, and now he says i’m lost, imagine, just sit there and the real walking truth has gone, and your leg is dragging like... you look what you’re starting to show, well, that's enough already, that 's enough, that's enough, this is the inscription in chinese maternity hospital, that's enough, you're lying all the time, because everything

wasn't like that, of course it wasn't like that, it was even worse, and most importantly, it would be okay if she just walked through, no, she trudged through the rows, she climbed and yelled at the mother, and her teeth were falling out of her mouth, here so. are you really a crazy fool or something, it’s popcorn, the audience convinced her, panic immediately set in, but we were watching the movie alone, and no one was slurping in your ear, no one was slurping your popcorn, she was also spitting, i think she ’s spitting, are you spitting, are they seeds or something, there are no peels there, they eat everything in it, i’m spot on i spit, at one time i even wanted to hit you, but it’s a pity that i didn’t hit you, but you already have such a nature. why are you grumbling, why are you grumbling, grumbling, grumbling, they always grumble when they don’t have a man, i’m looking for women, i

’ll tell you this, now you can get a good man at pop concerts, that’s why women go there jambs, it’s my own fault, don’t run around then last saturday, hell says let’s go to a concert, i say to whom, well, come on, you’ll see, we’ll come to see stas mikhailovna, and what? i'm a woman over 40, hello, take it, no i want, i’m divorced, i love stasik, hello stasik, a decent person, he sang a song , he didn’t touch anyone until he showed himself dangerously close, this is a boring fan, she jumped on his neck like a lady, and stas mikhailov sings, let go, let go , listen, old woman, don’t bite, don’t bite me in the ear, you’re in my burden. why did the tuft of wool tear out? don’t shout, don’t shout loudly, stasik, take me away, even for an hour, the old lady will have a cool guy,

a bump, the place in front of the singer is inconvenient, the police took him out with somon, that’s okay, they didn’t put handcuffs on, she kicked like a sheep, and you know how much tickets cost, yeah, how can you not pull out a tuft of wool for that kind of money? who is great, i’m great, and stasik, his runny nose has gone away. what kind of thing is this, and i’m lucky, this is me for a souvenir, sell it, what to sell, you don’t have enough money, how much is it worth, go to the bank, why

don’t you take out a loan again, you’re teasing me, you paid for the ticket paid, you're a disgrace to adults, woman, i'm a chocolate bunny, i'm small, look at yourself, nothing, why, i won't be silent, comrades, we somehow went with her cat theater under the direction of kuklachev, i asked you not to tell this story to anyone. why did you ruin the show? i didn’t tear anything off, i tore it off, first i tore off my skirt, then the show, it’s not my fault, it burst on its own, comrade, you know what happened, it’s absolutely terrible, a bottle of valerian in my pocket burst and started running down my legs, who crazy gave you this idea - then to the cat theater valerian, i always carry with me, you are like venus, i drink it, it broke, in the left sock, it leaked and stinks, but these ones rushed... he has 200 of them according to the program, comrades, artists of the kuklachev theater, how they smelled valerian, pounced on matryona, and let’s lick her all, you know what i thought just now,

if you stick sandpaper on a cat’s paw, why, then he will not only wash himself , but to shave, don’t be upset , i know what i came up with, next time you and i will go to football, so you crush a bottle of vodka in your pocket so that the men are on you. just throw it on, you’ll see you’ll find your happiness, not a stupid woman, not a man , happiness, what’s the point in making you feel comfortable? it was to go wherever you want, to do whatever you want, in a word, so that you just feel good, when i feel good, when the audience laughs at you and clap for me, there is so much entertainment now, there is a choice, thank god, circus, theater, cinema, museums and ballet , if you are gathered , brothers, to relax and laugh, come to a concert with two girlfriends, we will play, sing and even sleep for you. lose a couple

of extra pounds from laughter, there is no reason for sadness here, hey, handsome men, come over, i ’ll give you all an autograph, you’re too small, go, go marmot, we love performing, and today we wish you to burst your belly button with laughter, thank you. thank you, while our memory is alive, thank you to all the veterans, thank you to the heroes of the front and rear, thank you to the great generation of winners, let us bow to the great years while these songs are heard, dark but, we are invincible, only bullets will destroy the steppe.

katyusha came ashore, onto the high bank, happy holiday, dear friends, happy victory day, a big festive concert dedicated to victory day on may 9 on rtr. there is not enough pressure in the garden hose, tired of endlessly cleaning everything diy, introducing hammer smith's hydroblast, a fast, simple, very convenient pressure washer gun, cordless, rechargeable and absolutely revolutionary, wash your car, motorcycle or bike, wash your home, garden paths, driveway and more,

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will now appear on stage is not so much funny as he is also resourceful, and he also knows how to make himself laugh very well, in general he can do everything, he shows tricks. he reads monologues, he sings, he plays various instruments, not only that, he also draws pictures that he gives to his friends, but he also has a feature that, in my opinion, no one else has, a rare gift, he can do anything a word from the audience immediately compose a four-piece, a unique, universal artist, honored artist of russia, gennady vetrov, you know, when you perform in a national program, it is very important to rebuild the audience on... your own wavelength, i’ve had one as a tune for about 20 years now, there’s only one on duty and the same joke, to be honest, it’s not funny, but i came up with it myself and the good news is that she’s short, a little girl, sitting in a sandbox, digging sand, there are no toys, she’s just digging sand,

having fun, enjoying life, digging , name is tanya, 35 years old, that’s it, you know, i have a favorite character, his name is grandfather mitya, he has a real prototype, this is my friend’s grandfather, every summer i go to... to visit every summer, when i return, i bring a new miniature, this summer was no exception, this summer he improved his health, goes into the pharmacy, takes out a handkerchief, unwraps two of these pills, turns to the pharmacy worker, my daughter doesn’t know what these pills are for, she says, but we don’t have a prescription or a package, but when i tell you, why are you came here at all, didn’t you study anything? pills she says grandfather, you have them in storage for how long, well, 15 years, well, 20 is the maximum, she better throw them away, you never know, here’s her advice, i licked them, they are sweet, i’ll eat them with tea, i

’ll tell him later i say, grandfather dmit, so, well, she’s right, you never know what kind of poison, he says, yes, you’re right, i won’t risk it, i’d rather kill grandma with them, i say, grandma, she says, she’s already a relative, again you’re right, neighbor i’ll treat him, we are the same age as the battle of kulikovo, he kept asking his grandson to bring him viagra from the city, i’ll say that this is the maximum for the elderly, in case laxative, he says, again you’re right, although on the other hand, it’s still sitting at home, there’s nothing to do, at least some kind of entertainment, i say, you know, old man, i recently read a newspaper and there, that means, an interesting fact, in in scotland they have released a new sedative, special capsules containing whiskey, he says, just like small children, capsules and

whiskey in these capsules, we need such capsules, you know, so that not only you calm down, but also those around you calm down 0.5 minimum, i say, here in... japan, there, for example, they relieve stress, without pills, without alcoholic drinks, he says: how is that? i say, at every enterprise there is a special room in which there is a stuffed boss, so if an employee has accumulated aggression, he can go down to this room and make a few physical comments to him there, discharge himself, so to speak, my godfather told me, at one of ours they tried to do it at the factory, it didn’t take root, no, it didn’t take root at all, i say. why is it so expensive, you have to change the stuffed animal every day, but here they beat you to the first snot, the snot still doesn’t appear and doesn’t appear, i say, but i have one a friend, she relieves stress in the car,

closes the window and yells there until she releases the negative energy, until she yells, but in the summer, she says, she forgot that she had the windows open in the car, at the intersection i was yelling and so, the policeman thought about him, he aged, probably five years, he came home gray-haired, until he took two capsules of 0.5 each, he did not calm down, my grandfather said, and i have five capsules of 3 liters ready for the start, this is ours size, you know, i have an anniversary soon, a round date, 89 years old, i say, well, yes, well, of course, everything is rounded, you know, like that what come, son, i say, and what a gift for you with

a medical card, all the test results, blood pressure, all the medical indicators, everything about your health at once, he was silent for a while, he said, as long as they don’t implant anything unnecessary in your head, i say, unnecessary ... it’s not necessary, but on the other hand, i came to receive my pension, put my head to the scanner, hop, and then the grandmother said she got everything with her chip, you already understand, oh, i have a grandson, he’s so smart, he’s a programmer for some reason , i say, wow , yes, he’s delivering programs to the theater, i i say, well, it’s funny, you thought he was the only one, you’re only joking, by the way, no joke, he’s the kind of hacker you can look for, right? whoever is looking for him, especially the wives of his rich

friends, i say, why? yes, at the request of his friends, he opens their personal correspondence and says: grandfather, i’ve read so much there, i’ll never get married, you know, almost every one of my friends is all horned, and some have two, three sets of festive horns, twisted, horns to work, you know, i don’t want to take it, i say, well, deadmit, this topic, it’s not new on this topic... so much information and jokes, he ’s an acquaintance of mine, he’s a geologist, he hasn’t been home for 3 months , he returns home, and at the entrance there ’s an old lady on a bench, he says to the old lady, look what i’m carrying, the antlers of an ungur deer, one and a half meters in spread, don’t be jealous here they are happy with these horns in the entrance, one of the other says, well, what are they happy about, the distance of five meters barely entered, the grandfather says, you can get it even without being married, i say, how is that? well, he’s

my neighbor mikhailovich, when he was young, he went to sea, but it happened for six months, and for dry cargo ship, and there were five young people like him, everyone was so sovereign, you know, but the most daring was the cook lyuska, and so she cuckolded them every other day, because of her the showdowns simply did not stop, in general, the black eyes did not go away for weeks . yes, their cargo ship was called the elk frigate or elk sharply, i say, hey, but calcium never appeared on your forehead, no? no, no , son, it blew by, in a good way, the sand is already pouring in, that’s what you said about the vacuum cleaner, give it to me, i’ll be glad, i’ll accept the gift from with pleasure, as long as we don’t have to work. this

singer was born in krasnodar and lived there for 15 years, won the little stars competition, then came to moscow, worked as a model in 2000 - received first place in a beauty contest, studied in the jazz department of a music school, then, not only that, she graduated mark's directing department. zakharova even played in a play - in the lenkom of figaro's marriage, and after that there were such wonderful musicals, where the main roles were, this is the musical master margarita, she played the part of margarita, she she played the superstar in the rock opera jesus christ, she played mary magdalene there, she played the main role in the musical chicago, what can i say, a wonderful singer, simply stunningly beautiful and talented, meet her, she.

i fell on the flowers, the night was cold with dew, my dreams were carried away by migratory birds. oh, yes, what have you done, it hurts me so much, you missed our happiness, restless happiness, like on a troika to podverskaya, i’ll take the evening nazar, if only you could fly away with me to a quiet province. would you fly away with me to a quiet province,

the maple will swing after me, with a yellowed branch. you are going to save love that has flown away with the wind, oh, like the wind of the underworld. to the long-awaited happiness, we will fly together with you, we will start all over again, as if on a three-piece suspension, i will give the evening nazar, if you would fly away with

me, to a quiet province, if you would fly away yourself. with me to a quiet province, you will come to me with flowers, joy in your heart, this is not me, i will cling to you and become, i am yours forever, oh yes! like the settings of a carriage at the dawn of the evening, you would fly away with me, to a quiet province, as

in a troika before the dawn of the evening. flew away if only you would fly with me to a quiet province, would you fly away with me, to a quiet province, the author who will now take the stage, he is generally a translator by training, a translator from french and even worked for several years in algeria, after that... he returned to russia , he still had the soviet union at that time, and that means who he wasn’t later, and he was a tent officer, and a policeman, he was, a secretary of the komsomol organization of the olympic base, he was, and a banker, he was, in general, what not did, as a result it all ended in humor, he began to write humor and so successfully that he was performed by, well, all the best

artists of our genre, they performed and performed, but in my opinion, he performs his own works better than anyone else, he wrote about 10 plays. of which two were staged with success and only because it had a good co-author, leon izmailov, that’s why they, that’s why they go well, but today he’s here not only because of his connections, but because of his talent, alexey tsapik meets him, we and you are an amazing people, we have a lot of amazing things in our lives, moscow, minibus, there’s a huge guy riding in the minibus... kansky, opposite him is ours the man was in a good mood, decided to tease him, he said: “mine will be leaving now, yours will give way,” the african american looked at her in the purest russian and said: “damn, let’s come in large numbers!”

well, i’m not making anything up, brothers, krasnodar, private house, above the gate there is an inscription “akhtunk”! oh tomk, alabai will bite you off balalai, stavropol region, above the expensive poster, i wish your garden paradise, buy manure from nikolai, and next to it is a poster, it says: manure at the manufacturer’s price, irkutsk region, some dingy little town, crooked pole , leaves. it hangs crookedly, on it it is written in clumsy letters: i’ll show you a hole, in the fence of the lekure factory, inexpensive, antonina, i heard a brilliant advertisement in the pharmacy, just think about it, our pharmacy has received

a new purgon laxative, it acts gently, without disturbing... tractor driver petrov, drunk, fell asleep at the wheel of a tractor, drunkenly demolished three barracks, 3 days later he was awarded a medal for participating in the program of demolition of dilapidated awls, our education, what an amazing thing, brothers, what are you talking about, a teacher at one university told me, entrance exams, guy with they are sitting with a girl, he whispers, i heard a conversation between two boys at a bus stop, i wouldn’t have come up with this. tolik, have you

learned the multiplication table? only the first verse for now. we are an amazing people, i was invited to take part in general, to sit on the jury of a competition for young poets in moscow. various guys, there were girls there, one such beauty flew out, 17 years old on the stage, secret. i asked a cuckoo in the forest when i was given the chance to get married, and the bird wisely answered, i don’t care, i’m not inventing anything, a new channel has appeared on tv, they talk about ufos all the time. aliens, flying saucers, they will capture us, we will be slaves, but they will be poor, if they fly to us, ours will only

see that the saucer is landing, they will go, take two bottles of moonshine, they will go, get to know each other, get acquainted, get drunk, ask steer, they will destroy their plate to hell. and he, they will go on trains to beg, ours will sit, then the infection has finished drinking does not look like a person, our amazing malysheva, doctor, can be treated differently, but i was amazed, she was offered a good one in the west contract, she said, no, who will i leave the russians to? treat to the last,

with all this the people are going a little crazy, my aunt came to get hired, they gave her a sheet on personnel records, she read it, it says the type of occupation, she thought for a long time, then wrote: there was no childbirth, there were classes. our old people have become completely different, wonderful, amazing old people, grandfathers on the playground were celebrating someone’s 90th birthday, one stood up and said, i’m tired of saving for a funeral, i’ll live forever, my grandfather, a moonshiner, was tried in pskov, the prosecutor says, father , you so many years, where is your essence, you think that you, persecuted and will persecute about... he says i will imprison, he says, the son will persecute, i will imprison the son, the grandson will persecute, i will imprison the grandson, the grandfather says, and by that time i will already be out , this is all from our

life, these are our surprises, my grandfather came to an 80 -year-old old man, came to the hairdresser, there was a beautiful hairdresser, such a bust, such a neckline, she was his... he rested his nose on this beauty, sat, sat , she asks him: father, let’s wash our hair, he says, what are you doing, give everyone a bath, ours, our fantastic ones. old ladies, here you are no one probably heard, the vologda grandmothers have seen enough from tv and are now collecting warm clothes for the participants of the naked

party, they need to be heard, their reaction is amazing, the grandmother is knitting a sock, but it fits, she says, grandmother, give me 50 rubles, what, grandmother, give me 50 rubles, why, grandma, give me 100 rubles, you asked for 50, grandma? “the queen lived in a three-room apartment, her grandson got married, the grandmother was forced into a room, they shared one room with two young people, they have been fighting with her for a month so that she knocks before flying into their bedroom, she once again flies in, well, she says, grandma, well, i told you 100 times, you have to knock, she says, and i looked through the keyhole, now you don’t have to knock.” “ a little girl came to the village from moscow to grandma, her granddaughter, 16 years old,

green hair, all in piercing, all pierced. he’s sitting with his grandmother, she’s used to it, there’s moscow, there are discos, bars, all the night activities, and there in the village, well, sitting there for 13 nights, you say, grandma, where can you go at night, grandma, she says, to the bucket , the next tiny story, only women will appreciate it, april, moscow, loggia, first the sun is sitting, a granny of about 80 years old is sitting, enjoying herself, she survived the winter, it will be summer, it will be warm , god willing, she will survive the next winter, suddenly her granddaughter, 18 years old, a beauty, almost naked, comes out onto the loggia, here are two threads, here are three threads, granny, how do you like my new swimsuit? grandma looked for 15 minutes, then she said: oh, wow, wow, if i had

a swimsuit like that in my youth, what kind of swimsuit would your grandfather... you had, when the retirement age was added, many sayings became outdated, remember, there was a wonderful saying, 45, baba berry again, forget it, now babka is considered a berry 69 and 77, then there are raisins, 75 is not to be counted, but for those who are especially tenacious , an absolutely brilliant thing, at 90 the nose is higher, who

am i, where am i, that’s the question. my acquaintance is an actress, they couldn’t get a baby doll for a very long time, now she’s already 39, the doctors began to prepare that let’s give her a dog, a cat, suddenly she got pregnant, lay there for half the term, so that god forbid she loses the child, she tells me, contractions started, caused taxi, they brought me to the maternity hospital, rolled me out, put me on the gurney, took me somewhere in the corridor, forgot about me, just...

he doesn’t come into contact with my husband, everything will be fine, because you and i are an amazing people, so, comrade, our task is to prevent the enemy from strengthening their defenses indoors, the premiere for victory day, but i only have four the plane is on the move, received the order, carry it out, take off like snow up to your waist, check. commander, the engines will stop, the temperature is off the charts, if detected, losses cannot be avoided, carry out the order. fighters, battle for crimea. from monday on rtr. they say you need to prepare for vacation. you need to be able to rest. rest

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comfort. the secrets of paradise are revealed at titanic luxery collection bodrum. for the first time aurus after a deep restyling. a completely new look. cars, we’ll find out what will surprise you, only we have the opportunity to compare the aurus, which was used at the inauguration 6 years ago with an updated car, and what other surprises await on the inauguration day, the driver needs spacious cars, it is important how high-quality the driver of president putin will now perform, in what situations, a very good car, i like it. automobile he has visited putin over the past 6 years, oh-oh-oh-oh, headquarters on wheels, get ready

to see more than ever before. moscow, the kremlin, putin, today we look at rtr, artists who... they are often shown on television, naturally they recognize them on the street, but they approach them, say hello, talk to them, sometimes they take selfies with them, but our people are mostly polite, friendly, they don’t be rude, well, sometimes a person will come up and say, oh, but on tv - you look much better than in life, well, that’s not often, three times a day, but no more, well, of course, they recognize people who perform on television, and this... artist who will now take the stage, artist and writer, will also naturally be recognized, we recognized him in 98, when there was a competition of pop artists, and he performed a monologue

that he himself wrote, and naturally, with this monologue, with this performance, he did it so well that he became the winner of this competition, today he is, well, one of the most popular, the most famous in my opinion, the most talented artists, naturally, that he is so famous find out, sergei drobatenko. i have one good friend. “the lady is quite plump, but what is her charm, unlike other plump women, she doesn’t have any complexes about her figure, on the contrary, she is proud of herself,

advertises her lifestyle, we call her plump, if only she came out instead of me and addressed the ladies sitting in the hall, i think she would have said something like the following, my girls, little girls, tell me honestly, girls, i put my paw on my heart like this, why do you all want to lose weight, why, my husband is giving me time . from there’s enough time, yes, you’re far from the mummy, i say why far away, you’re close, he tells me, when i try to hug you, my hands don’t meet behind me. that’s right, kozma prutkov also wrote: you can’t embrace the immensity, when we were just getting acquainted with him, i came to his house for the first time, before i even had time to enter the apartment, he came to me from the doorway, god, what shapes,

i say, calmly, that’s not me yet she all came in, she says, with your figure, just to star in titanic as iceberg, i say, and the other role is crying for you when you... it consumes twice as much gasoline, but the braking distance is half as long, we are one train away, i’m here in the pool, i climbed a ten-meter tower, i like to jump, that’s the name of the attraction, make a tsunami, girls, i didn’t see it, honestly, i i didn’t see it, the guy below was just learning to swim. something

didn’t work out for him for a long time, he saw me from below, soaring on the wings of love, girls, now a master of sports, my husband and i were in the south, he tells me: eat more pineapples, they burn fat, i say, my dear , yes here not that many pineapples grew. it’s a shame to remember, someone pestered me and said, “good morning,” i immediately told him, come on, get out of here. what do you want, honduras, do you hear, it turns out they are riding elephants there, girl, i looked, there is an elephant. i don’t know,

elephants have midgets, no, what kind of elephant is this, you can confuse me with it from the back, and this shmaule keeps jumping, do you want to ride the elephant, i tell him, well, i want to, you ask the elephant, well as i thought, i somehow made it to the jungle . back i him, and my beloved, you with your existence you refute darwin’s entire theory that man descended from a monkey, what the hell can a branch withstand such a monkey, listen, he’s lying on the beach, i’m standing next to him in a chic sambrera, i like to dress beautifully, girls, i love this business, in a chic sambrera, he he says to me: listen, you dream of a cannibal, at least take off your panama hat, otherwise

people from afar will mistake you for a fungus, he says, calmly, you will blather, you will be left without a shadow, he doesn’t understand what happiness he has, he doesn’t understand, tells me we have there’s no cottage, you bought a double hammock, open your eyes, it’s a bra, girls, when we get on the bus, they immediately give us a seat. all i have to do is say, it means that now, whoever doesn’t get up, i’ll fall on him, on the train girls, on the train, when you choose a ticket, you always look for the bottom shelf, that’s right, i’m not looking, when i enter the compartment i declare that the top place for me is that i’m not going to change. girls, one assistant professor

was crawling along the ceiling, it’s not my beloved on his birthday who declares, i want you to i looked like a model, he gave me just don’t fall, a thong, well, a swimsuit like that, there’s also a rope running along the equator at the back. i tell him: my dear, but on my figure your thongs will disappear into obscurity, then what kind of figure do these models have, girls, excuse me, what is this? head, legs, three navels, and angry faces, because at night we dream of sausage, we don’t dream of donuts, so our faces are good, which means we are good at heart, and there must be a good person. i would say

the more the better, i had a friend like that, mikhail tanis, well you everyone knows him as a wonderful songwriter, but i also knew him as unique. an insidious person, he and sheferan wrote a song: but the white light came together like a wedge for you, i say: “mikhail saevich, and as you and the driver wrote this song, he says: “you understand, it was the driver who came up with the line.” , white light, and i just suggested repeating it three times, now i bring the scene of a man who, like me, was friends with mikhail isaivich tanich, and the singer is amazing in my opinion, i love him very much, he is also a person with humor,

knows a lot of jokes, tells them as well as any comedian, i ’ll tell him a little short joke especially for him, it means that the wife says: “i want to go and get a job, the husband says: “ you’re going to change me, well, let’s try, what if not, i must say that i have known him for 45 years, i have never heard him raise his voice at anyone, but when he sings, his voice sounds beautiful, and you will see this again today, people's artist of russia, lev leshchenko, parent house, a little bit of a buyer. wherever we are, but still we are invariably confident that we will be received with love and tenderness, our pier,

parental home, parental home, the beginning of beginnings, you are in my life, a reliable berth. your parents' house, let the good light burn in your eyes, for many years, where the month guards the fairy tale, where in the green wilds the wind is common, the nightingale's bud stands, the white birch trees... the rose grove, there on the thin pink winds, the bird cherry thickets fragrant, the glorious russian nightingale, opens its song with

a whistle, sadness is carried away from the soul. goodbye, from all train stations, they leave for distant lands, farewell, farewell, farewell, under

the white sky of january, we are parting forever, forgiving do not promise anything. don’t say anything, but to understand my sadness, the empty sky, look, do you remember, we sailed higher, no, suddenly two stars went out, but only now it’s clear to me that it was me and you, goodbye, the dawn is already rising in the distance, and the day is coming to the cities, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,

under the white sky of january, we are parting forever, goodbye, don’t promise anything, don’t say anything, but what do you understand? my sadness, look at the empty sky, do you remember sailing, suddenly two stars, but only you, it’s clear to me that it was me and you,

with all my heart, andrei malakhov’s evening show, today on rtr. cleaning floors is

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to create a unique look for your suburban area, your brother is there in the donbass, a porous passenger, the premiere, i’m not a fighter, i came for my brother, i have to find him, may tenth on rtr. he is a man with a thousand leaves, because the number of images that he created on stage was simply fantastic, whoever he portrayed, meet him , honored artist of russia, svyatoslav yeshchenko, on the black sea coast of the caucasus there is a branded clothing store, the owner, whose name is eleonora, she has there are two saleswomen working. emma and isidora. friends call all three women simply: elka, emka, eska.

similarly, in colloquial speech they call what? clothing sizes, clothing sizes, quite right, one day it coincided, emma was getting married, esidora, unfortunately, unexpectedly ended up in the hospital with appendicitis, the owner eleonora went to the beauty salon for hair coloring and asked her husband tofik pofikovich to stay in the store for a while, that builder, he has his own team, he generally knows the russian language, but is not fluent in the intricacies. trade lexicon, the customer had her eye on a shirt of a certain style for her husband, but the size was too big for her i need a middle one, i’ll tell you further in person, but tell me, there is an emka, an emka, but there is an emka, of course, show me, please, now

there is no emka, then there will be one, when? then only god knows when the wedding is over, maybe 3 days, maybe one week, as soon as the groom becomes, this is the husband, emka will be here again, i can’t understand, why did the groom take her to carry her, a little, the groom will carry her, back and forth , only the wedding, will not be worn at home. so it won’t be new anymore, how can it be sold then? dear, i swear, emka is like a store, come back, it will be like new again, do you have a second-hand store here? i’m plekha in russian, let me put you out of coffee, let’s first

take what i need, there’s no emka, maybe there’s an eska, of course there’s an eska, but i don’t see it, where is it, because there will be an eska someday - then later, also after a week and 3 days, maybe more, it depends on how well they sew it up, does it have a hole, or what? of course, huesca is what it’s called correctly, unnecessary, needs to be cut off and protected back, some kind of defect or what?

but elka is there, elka is even more so, elka, in an hour it will be, in about an hour, it should be in an hour, but the color will be the same, change the color, but why, how will it change, paint it, yes, that in a different color, of course, before the elka color was

dark gray, but now it will be light . red shaitan, what kind of color is this, not color, but lorka, lorka paints it, why repaint a good thing, but just like in russian, so that the wool looks like new, dear, why do you need elka at all, why, i wanted to give it to my husband , whose husband? for my husband’s birthday, uh, what are you, say, elka, i need this, well so they would say that you put it aside for yourself, of course, but put it off even before the wedding, okay, god bless you, do you have some good t-shirt, t-shirt, there is a very good t-shirt,

only it’s not here, but somewhere in toilet? get off the floor, do you wash the floors with a t-shirt in the toilet? no, with a mop, and hold on to the t-shirt, before we had an emka for half a mile. here i will ask you to imagine the face of this unfortunate customer, these bulging eyes and open mouth, and is this a t-shirt, elka, emka, women or what? what, a shirt or what? so i just need a shirt, preferably size m. size m, do you understand? certainly. they immediately understood, what the point was, that, so i want to ask in russian, do you have

the shirt i need, the shirt, we definitely don’t have it, we won’t have it anymore, why, because the shirt went to israel last year. yes, it’s a difficult case, my husband is unlucky today, maybe i should look for something for myself, you have a stylish top, but don’t you see, it’s not the top that matters, but the top.

i once had such a very good friend, of course, you all know him, it was yuri vladimirovich nikulin, unique absolutely a clown and dramatic artist, who played wonderfully in films, and such serious roles, and 20 days after the war, when the trees were big, and stuffed animals, well, in general, you all know this, of course, well, how he told jokes, there’s nothing to say . because no one told me like that and still, in my opinion, still doesn’t, because he, he hosted the program, a white parrot, i remember he told me this joke, well , at least from the screen i never i didn’t

hear him, which means my wife woke up at 4:00 this morning morning, went to the pantry, took fishing rods, broke them over my knee, took rubber boots, cut them, put it all in a backpack, threw it down from the balcony, went to the bedroom, went to bed with my husband, pressed my cheek to his shoulder... , she had no more than an hour to live, and he also told me a joke like this: a fisherman, that means, is fishing, next to him, he has a bottle, and that means the snack is lying near, that means, this ice hole, and the dog, the shepherd dog too, everything is in joyful anticipation, and the dog knows that if he catches a fish, he will drink 50 g, he, it means he’ll have a sandwich and give it to her, it’s all so idyllic, suddenly some kind of pike jumps out of the water...

there was such a love scene, it means he hugs her, she tells him what strong hands you have, suddenly out of nowhere, nikulin says, you haven’t seen my legs just now, and i also remember, you know, he sang a song about the circus, and in this song there were such words, the words circus are not to be loved, it’s like not to love children, well, i think that we all love children, naturally, we all love or loved in... the circus, what am i leading to all this, to the fact that now a wonderful artist will appear on stage, a circus artist on one book, yuri vladimirovich nikulin wrote to him that he is

simply an outstanding artist, and the name of this outstanding artist is andrei kolachev. please meet him.

big film premiere, if you get me out of here, we’ll introduce you to the title. alexander getsenko,

now only the soviets can save them. there are no others here, evgeny tkachuk, i’m a fort, they definitely won’t kill me, i’ll be with you until the end of my life, fyodor dobronravov, he’ll calculate everything, he’ll calculate everything, he’ll put everything in order, he’ll sees four moves ahead, sergei makovetsky, i heard you need responsible comrades for the campaign, lean on me, comrade kaselev, konstantin khabensky, keep this, wow, remember, we never lost this, this is an amulet, no, this is a device , according to which... may 9 on rtr, is there not enough pressure in the garden

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heart at the end of the day. songs over which time has no power. at the beginning of her career, she performed, therefore, humorous monologues, and today, in fact, we have four women in our traditional humor, all four of us were filmed, naturally, more than once in izmailovsky park, today here svetlana roshkova and natalya korosteleva, where

are you going, zhana eduardovna, where are you going? push, i don’t know where to push, i gave birth to four, i’m already the one you degenerated, katya. did you hitch it into the stroller like your daughter, my slavik? what did you even say just now nida vasilievna, my daughter grabbed onto your slavik so that this daughter of mine could grab onto him, my daughter, by the way, graduated from the conservatory, she, by the way, is the conductor of a symphony orchestra, your slavik is just a traffic cop, what’s the difference, both are waving for...

he always has such a look after that, so ligent, spiritual, it was he who pooped, you don’t say, this is our breed, but where is yours, no, ours, ours, ours, your breed, but i say, ours, who is so good, who is so sweet, this? i'm sorry, that's not a leg, that's my umbrella! but what does it have to do with you,

if he said toad, it would be for you, here he said a woman, and what does your women have to do with it, you don’t look like a woman, you’re skinny as a fishing rod? strongly, so you came to us from your tula in moscow for the birth of a grandson, the grandson is already six months old, and all of us are there, isn’t it time, as they said, as the ancient rivleni said, tupus stupidus, topas tulus, which translated means nina vasilno, go to your place in tula, that’s it... lord, yes, i’ll go to the army for you, we’ll send the boy, and i won’t set foot here, i’ll leave, no, not only that i came and tied up my geese, tell me. why did you bring these bets? who will i leave them with? will i still eat it? you

understand, i’m not new, that this gander, he runs after me all the time, trying to pinch me, god, be glad that at least someone else wants to pinch you, but why do you have to pinch? and this asshole, that's all catastrophe! excuse me, when you called and asked permission to come with your goat, i decided that you meant your husband, pyotr alekseevich. and you brought a natural braid, but that one is even worse, but what can i talk about with you, nina vasilyevna, you ’re so cute, look, look, nina vasilievna, it seems to me that he wants milk, he’s always looking at my chest, you know what he wants lean meat for a rib, and if now he looked at your cheeks, did he suddenly want at 6 months... pork lard, he he wants a pacifier, so give him a pacifier, what are you

standing there, well, where are you poking the pacifier, you, you are poking him in the ear, i tell you, put on glasses, you do absolutely nothing, nothing, but you put on a scarf, you have hair sticking out in all directions, nothing scares no hygiene, and even yes, even what are you saying, scarf, where is the scarf, where am i, what are you saying, i am, by the way... musicians of the first category, i am, by the way, a young blooming woman , i, i have students, i have lectures, i have concerts, tours, what kind of scarves, what are you talking about, yes students confess their love to me, i won’t wrap my head in this old woman’s scarf, i’m not going to be a grandmother, i’m not going to, i’m a young woman, i was created for music, and i don’t either... climb, i raised four people, i’ve

lived half my life in diapers, i’ve just started living, grishka the accordion player is looking at me, he’s looking at me, i’ve pinched my nose with a button accordion, lord, my god, what have you done, you’ve scared the boy, well, calm him down, rock him to sleep, lord, my god, you don’t know how to do anything, is this really the way to calm down a young guy, my dear? my, that's what you need to sing, glinka, ruslan, lyudmila. go home, where you went, this is an aria,

ruslana, i’ll lure you with magic, he’ll be driven away , you see, he’s not crying. after my song he was dry, so i change his diaper, and you let him distract him, distract him, and i can do this with great pleasure, my dear grandson, the czech composer vaslav ruzechka in 1868 first used the pentatonic scale in quarceptacords, do you hear the pentatonic scale bald something, well i, well i, well, this is a disco. well, that's all you

can do, that's how you should dance, for my only beloved grandson, oh, who beat the field, i say, come with me, drink some alcohol, lord, what a maviton, poor boy, thank god that our famous russian is sick of this nonsense, something like that. let

’s go in with kozheri, i washed my face, i didn’t want to, nina vasilievna, god knows, but you yourself forced me. pasha don’t even look at what you ’re looking for there, there’s nothing there, especially the steppe and the steppe all around, look, there are no flies, drive away,

let’s sweep, you ask, oh! slavda, slavik is calling, oh, hello, slavik, how are you, what have you got, yeah, oh, what a joy, oh, thank god, yeah, my mother and i will come now, yeah, yeah, what, what is it, don’t delay, it’s not up to you, they give them a mortgage, they get their apartment from you, thank god, what about the first payment, the first payment , and the first installment will expire, look.

baba nina, let's go, let's go, baba zhanna, let's go, baba nina, god, goodbye to my competition, natalya korosteleva and svetlana rashkova. there was such a wonderful entertainer, boris brunov, a uniquely witty person in life, and you know, one day a man came up to him on revolution square and asked how to get to the big theater, and bruno looked, there went the damned spy, there was some kind of banquet, i must say that he

went to banquets a lot, there were guests sitting, brunov was sitting, and joseph davidovich kabzon said a toast and. .. he says a toast, and brunov talks and talks with his neighbor all the time, talks and talks, talks and talks, well , finally, kobzon can’t stand it, he says: borya, why are you bothering me, why are you talking all the time, says: joseph, i'm sorry, i'm explaining to this person who is making a toast now, but there was such a competition in our theater variety, and he was the main director, that is , of the variety theater, he led this competition of variety artists, one young artist from baku came to this competition, in the last round brunov told him, that means... karens, today your fate is being decided: either you will become laureate, or you will remain an armenian for the rest of your life. you know, one guy from stavropl was asked how he knew the armenian language so well, he said: and at our school an armenian taught english. another such armenian joke, so vasgen,

please tell me what kind of bird do you like? he says: eagle! why eagle? because his nose is beautiful! the eagle has a beautiful nose, and our artist has an even more beautiful nose, he is a completely unique artist, he can do everything, he reads monologues, he does parodies, he does them incomparably, and now he also has his own show, a parade of humor, which he hosts with elena stepanenko , you already understand that we are talking about the honored artist, kharen avaniyan.

they recognized him as the best holmes of all time, be sure, someday, if we are in london, we will definitely go to the charlokokomets museum, there is a portrait of livanov, proudly hanging in the most prominent place, this is a reason for applause, my friends, and i thought that, probably, i could also show different peoples, their manner of speaking, accents, well, in any case, i travel a lot. i travel, i find myself in funny situations, i write it all down, so i also want to share this collection of my such observations, once

i was in the same company, there were people of various nationalities, there was only one estonian among us, and i told him especially for him here's an estonian joke: the driver of the train announces: be careful, the doors are closing, the next station, we... i have a french friend, he came from france, from the city of lyon, and in the evening we leave the restaurant, he understands russian well, i tell him, it’s dark, you can’t even poke your eyes out, he he says, sorry, why gouge out an eye if you can’t see anything, or the italian came to russia. suddenly on the street, remember , we had watermelons for sale, well, he comes up to the seller and says: sir, this watermelon

is good, sir in such a hat, says who bought it, not one has returned yet, italian i put the watermelon back and ran to the hotel. an african came to russia and the first entry in the diary, yesterday he drank with the russians, jude did not die, the next day, today he got drunk with the russians, it would have been better if i had died yesterday, you know, there are cities where i always come with great pleasure, one of these ...

you have to apologize or pay a fine, because donkey is an animal, and animals are our smaller brothers, then grandfather knelt in front of the donkey and said: i’m sorry that i hit you with a stick, i didn’t know that your older brother, tashkkent works, i love it, interesting people, i’ll tell you, they themselves make up jokes, they tell them themselves and...

i’ll tell you a little about the americans, because this joke that i’m going to tell you has a direct connection to america, because only in america we we can see a ninety-year-old grandmother driving, and next to her a ninety-five-year-old grandfather, driving at speed along such a road, and a local traffic cop stops them, a policeman says: so, who are you, what is your name? grandfather says: my name is john smith, this is my wife, mary smith,

unpleasant love story, what did he say? he said, dear, that he knows you very well, well, after all, we are southerners. you know, every nation has its own accent, its own way of speaking, so let’s first remember the voice of the great armenian actor, fronzik makarchan, i’ll tell you one thing, just don’t be offended, why don’t you eat kefir, why don’t you like it, like this armenians speak,

georgians speak a little differently, the feast is full of guests. honor of my grandfather, and my name is igor, honor grandfather, no, the honor of the twentieth olympic games, it’s so great when we can make fun of each other, in a kind way, and as the great frunzik makarchan said, then you will be pleased, and i will be pleased, we will all be pleased, smile, laugh, good luck.

my wife told me today: if it weren’t for you, we would be an ideal couple. one woman says: i don’t know what my husband will give me for my birthday, he already has everything i need. but, i must say, this is not about the singer who will now appear on stage, she and her husband everything is in order, with gifts too. it’s not for nothing that they call her the queen of romance, a rare show, the romance of romance takes place without her participation, but she sings not only romance, she sings popular songs, she sings jazz, and she even sings rock, and if you consider that she is beautiful, stately, tall and slender, then every meeting with her is a holiday, this holiday is with us today, honored artist

of russia, nina shatskaya. it was an autumn day and the sad leaves were attacking, the last hastra sadness was a crystal vein. and sadness, then you and i didn’t know, because we loved, and for us spring blossomed, oh, these black eyes captivated me, i can’t forget them anywhere,

they burn in front of me, oh, these black eyes, they loved me, where have you disappeared to now, who loves you differently, black eyes, they will destroy me , i can’t forget them anywhere, they burn in front of me, oh, those black eyes, whoever loves you will lose their heart and peace forever!

oh, these black eyes, they captivated me, i can’t forget them anywhere, they burn in front of me, oh these... black eyes, they loved me, where have you gone now, who else loves you? black eyes, they will destroy me, they cannot be seen anywhere, they burn in front of me, oh these black

eyes, whoever loves you will lose their heart and peace forever!