tv V krugu druzei RUSSIA1 June 29, 2024 11:50am-12:51pm MSK
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salmon are not coming close to the shore yet, but despite this, the first catch is already there, says alexander ivanov, as long as there is only pink salmon, everything will be fine, today is just the first day, you yourself know, the first day is always not very good, there is fish, indigenous small-membered the peoples of the north this year were allowed to catch more than 100 kg of salmon per person, the limits allocated for them are higher than those in previous years, but in general, according to scientists, the fishing season in the region should be successful. although the guest is considered to be unproductive according to the approaches of pink salmon. for the magadan region, a catch limit of 8,500 tons of red fish has been allocated. the salmon run in the region will end on september 16. lyudmila cherbakova, alexey gilev, host magadan. and this concludes our release. oksana kuvaeva was with you. all news is always available on the media platform, look in the application or on the website lookm.ru. see you.
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what are you saying, but for example, i have a holiday every day, karen, don’t scare me, you speak like a green snake lover, usually they have a holiday every day, here... butcher’s day, karen, who are you, a fisherman or a butcher? it’s neither this nor that, and since it’s neither one nor the other, neither fish nor meat are karen, which means chicken. listen, what difference does it make when it's a builder's day or a crane operator's day? well, for example,
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the name, i’m ready to erect a monument to the one who invented it, 12 chairs, it happens sometimes, on the stage or in literature, some... but insignificant detail, like a tea bag, suddenly becomes the main character, the main protagonist . our wonderful actor, alexander anatolyevich shirvint, said that back in the seventies he and the satire theater went on tour somewhere in the outback, in the morning they went down to the hotel for breakfast, a buffet, tea bags and a delegation from turkmenistan. and in turkmenistan in those years... tea bags had not yet been invented, someone from the delegation approached shirvint naively asking: how to use this, he found someone to turn to, shirvint, who loves pranks, with his impenetrable stone
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with his face he says: “yes, it’s very simple, you put the bag in your mouth” and pour boiling water over it with the string facing out . don’t pull it out right away, let the bouquet open, remember, one bag for five, yes, i was recently told such a story, one quite respectable man, the director of a company, bought tea for weight loss, tea with the encouraging name soaring swallow, tea in bags, attached to it ...instructions, but we russians read the instructions after something happened, so the man thought, well, i’m a complete idiot, i can’t do it brew a bag without instructions, so i didn’t read the instructions, but in vain,
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the instructions say in black and white one bag for 2 liters of water. i brewed this bag in a cup like a lord, and enjoyed the heady aroma of a soaring swallow. after 15 minutes the man understood the correct name, after another 5 minutes the office staff saw with their own eyes what it meant for a swallow to fly towards us with spring in the canopy, the director soared along the floors of the office, with his hands folded behind his back, and dreamed of only one thing: to make it to the nest, managed. i returned to the office, plopped down in a chair, then i remembered:
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after all, it was a bad omen to return, he soared again, a blow awaited him, the nest was occupied, the nearest nest was on the second floor, he miraculously managed, the devil returned to the office, the secretary carefully asked for more seagull, burst into a monologue in which the only censored word was “olya,” the point of the monologue was for olya to hide the tea in the most secluded place she could find. six months have passed, everyone has forgotten about the swallow, the director has a meeting in the director’s office, men are sitting in respectable suits, they can’t resolve the issue for three hours, the director calls. “olya, organize some tea for us, on a dusty shelf,
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olya comes across a soaring swallow, she didn’t read the instructions either, with all her heart she brewed a tea bag for each guest, and two for the director, and solemnly delivered them, here the director signed a verdict for himself to everyone present, he said, that means..." so, until the issue is resolved, no one leaves, no smoke breaks, and so that there is no temptation, olya, lock the door from the outside, those present enjoyed the heady aroma of a soaring swallow, after 15 minutes the chicks perked up, some nervously .
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yes, i can’t sit by myself, in another minute the men start pounding on the door, then another blow awaited them, the secretary was not there, she also brewed some tea for herself, the next day the office was closed for renovations. thank you for your attention. haren, do you know that the most important thing in a holiday, well, a holiday table, not really, karen, the main thing is to give the right gift, so one friend of mine decided to give a gift, he paid for his wife’s lip augmentation surgery, wow, that’s what he’s like for her. i gave you an expensive gift, why to her? himself, he enlarged her lips so much that now she can’t even open her mouth
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maybe this is what i understand, a gift, by the way, one friend of mine also decided to give her husband a gift, she had her breasts enlarged, is it really for him, no, of course, for herself, but when she had this operation, she started an affair with a plastic surgeon and drove off with him live in sochi, oh, poor husband, why poor, he said that it was the best gift in his life, yes, a gift, a gift to rozen, how good it is that you and i always have a gift for our viewers, meet the parade stage humor, igor momenko. i was told a joke about a henpecked man,
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the henpecked competition was won by a man who didn’t come to the competition because his wife didn’t let him in, i despise these henpecked slobberers, wives tell them what to do, where is your pride, dignity, you’re a man, you’re a warrior, i laughed so hard, a little schwaritz he won’t drop his hands, so i do what i want, i want to iron the linen, i want to darn the duvet cover, my wife can’t decide anything without me, i decide everything myself, she tells me this: decide for yourself, you’ll catch it now or after lunch , completely dependent, these henpecked wives force them. and stroke, yes so that i stand and iron, but it’s not possible in life, it can’t be that i stand and iron, i iron while sitting, you can’t iron 16 of my mother’s dressing gowns while standing, she has size 10xl, there you can sew a cover for a kamaz truck from one dressing gown, there will still be left 50 meters, a woman should be afraid of a man to tremble, he was my wife with a leak on her knees
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in front of me, get out, they say you are a beast from under the sofa, otherwise it will be worse? something went wrong with me, i remember, four baby teeth fell out, but i didn’t buy her milk, my wife reprimanded me, these women they just buy everything for themselves, then the men don’t get anything, i don’t have anything like that, i still want it, i buy everything for me, i wanted a new bra for my wife, we bought it, new boots for my mother-in-law, please, new socks for me, and that’s the only thing that’s not bought. everyone says, at first they said that they have been white since the second grade, they are cool, i don’t sew such quality there now, the henpecked wives generally lost fear, my wife, for example, did not lose fear, as she was scary in her youth, she became even more scared, you know how she addresses me, my lord,
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he gives me a mop and says: give me mine! venite, i can’t imagine what it’s like to be henpecked, wives tell them when to come, don’t go there, don’t go here, after work go straight home, a man himself should know when to come, i came home to you yesterday at 6 am, but my wife told me, a man will come to me, rush home before 6, somehow she cared about me, when i came back from a party, my head hurt, she immediately put a cold flask on me, dumbbell swing, then the whole day nothing hurt, i lay unconscious all day, something might to be sick, i can do whatever i want at home , there will be nothing for me, on wednesday i came in drunk, i had nothing, there was nothing, no bed linen, no pillow, there was nothing, i didn’t even open the door, but i myself i didn’t want
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, they felt sorry for the chicken that she had been sitting for 3 months , she had no entertainment. still following me runs around, they think that i’m their mother, i’m a man, of course, but a man has to earn money, yesterday she earned such money from her wife, she told me to tear off the wallpaper, but what kind of wallpaper, she didn’t say, i’m sitting, waiting, then the doorbell rings , neighbor zelida pantileevna comes in with her friend, i think, yeah, here they are both, i say, i’m sorry, of course, but your wife strictly ordered you, the neighbor says, aren’t you ashamed to offer this to women without first pouring cognac, and your friend
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says : lord, after all, new year's wishes come true, albeit through... 50 years old, ripped off i got all my clothes, they left me only with golf, then my wife comes in, what kind of vanity is this , i say, you yourself ordered it, immediately put cold ones on me again, contradicting myself, in general, guys, we have to stick together, there’s no other way for women you'll win, believe me, i had a blast with this, but i didn't want to eat, my wife made me, so i'll always teach, help, tell you, so write down my address now, although you don't have to, i saw a henpecked guy here, we don't need it, so remember, city of chaldeisk, avenue slaves of non-isaurs, isolation ward 13, spineless mattress vakhlakovich, waiting? thank you,
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we look at rtr, which means you are looking for the ideal, and what is the ideal, but like everyone else, kind, beautiful, smart, cheerful, that’s almost me, i’m beautiful, cheerful, smart sometimes, so why did it matter? uimitchians, look at you what you see, he doesn’t need you, ivanik thinks, then let’s do the math, from monday on rtr, we go to the doctor, we take up a lot of his time with empty complaints, and we don’t go to the doctor when seriously need to go, warned to know.
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'll sleep with such a fearful woman only for a million, why are you withdrawing all the money, for a classic operation, what are you going to buy, there won't be enough beauty if you can't wait for happiness, it might be worth stealing it. let's go, i don't understand where, where are you going, or are you a man who doesn't answer for your words, ugly love, on friday on the river, if you accept this ring, i will be the happiest man in the world, i repeat to you again. no rings we accept, either pay the bill with money, or i call the administrator, what is the reason for this strange behavior of this male,
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well, let's make changes to your passport, this is some kind of mistake, i'm on the redevelopment, a little more, right here, here's a little bit, oh, what are you doing, what kind of belly festival have you arranged for yourself, are you just showing off? some kind of crazy woman with her wealth, but they said that we wouldn’t find a free table, that’s all, well done, timofeeva, girl, knowledge is power, history of a big country, on friday on rtr, let's see, love is when you look in one direction. look, look, look, you want to look, look, let's look, look, well, look at the screen, look at me, take it out, look, look, sign the agreement,
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we sign at the same time for once, sign, look, look, maybe we can go to me, just watch a movie, friends, you know, i really like to give gifts with meaning. well, i am a person with humor, so my gifts are appropriate. i have a friend, he is an avid fisherman, but his wife only let him go fishing twice a year: on fisherman's day on his birthday, well, he explained this by saying that he should only see the fish on holidays. i decided to joke and gave him a special calendar, where instead of every day off it was written that this was an international day for catching some kind of fish, well , let’s say, a day... so he showed this calendar to his wife every weekend when he went fishing.
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true, one day he suffered greatly because of this calendar; well , it happened by chance that his wife’s birthday coincided with pike day. he took his wife and said: “honey, today you have a double holiday.” so she's with him after that i didn’t speak for a whole week. and he meant that he wouldn’t go fishing on her birthday. so, friends, give gifts with humor. with mind and soul, in general, do it as the brilliant elena stepanevka does, great, grandchildren, young people don’t often ask the question and not at all...
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a joke, seriously, they are interested in the basic reflex, was there sex in our time? i answer them, there was sex, of course, but the party really put a lot of pressure on us, at the age of 20 i kissed with pride, only a photo of ilyech, well, sexbum, sexbum, i pasted it into an album in... together with karl marx, i loved them two, two, two, sometimes three, together with castral, instead of sex we had a pimped waist, i became only when i gave a plan, replaced us
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with desire, eh, socialist competition, we never dreamed of a stripper then, bull-bul , we dreamed of ogly and roxana babayan, what should we cuddle with to sleep on someone, he showed us apcom, sexbum, sexbum, fiery work, we were carried away, well, sex later, but sometimes, i screamed, yes, i am a shock worker, they sent me to potatoes sent us to the collective farm, and then all the girls had toxicosis, apparently work in the fields awakened passion in people, gold. a dormitory for girls, at
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the entrance there were six guards with guns, they climbed into the windows of women, men, like spider-men, emmanuelle corrupted everyone over the hill, and we had a sanatorium, like tebel, this happened there, believe me, emmanuelle would have died . there are seven communal services, the children are sleeping here, here is aunt joya in the chair with her grandfather buried, and my husband and i under the table are trying to start a sex bomb, sex bomb, sex bomb, our panel house, the walls are 8 mm, you can hear everything around, you’ll start to become, screams, motherfucker, well, i have to get up at 6:00 tomorrow morning.
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hatbom, texbom, transport and chock, how many times did i get hit in the neck with a heel, chock, chock, it seems, then, as if you were sexboomed, how we lived under the hundred, it was a madhouse, it’s scary for me to even remember about it, but in my soul it is forever, because it was... the best years, sexbon, sexbon, this is sexbon, the very, very, very, very best sex thebom, sex thebom, sex the bom, this is sex thebom, this is ours. with
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i learned so many interesting things about the holidays, i found so many unknown holidays here, that’s what you think, february 14th, what kind of holiday is this, and karen, well, you surprise me, well, of course, this is the day of falling in love. everyone knows, and not only, february 14th is the international day of single eccentrics, unexpectedly, yes, nothing unexpected, it all depends on the gift, if the gift is good, then for you, karen, it’s valentine’s day, and if it’s bad, then it’s valentine’s day eccentric loner, okay, here's march 8, well, here's march 8, what kind of holiday is this, but actually karen, this is international women's. day, didn’t you know, you didn’t guess, it’s also international women’s brewing day, on this day all the women of the world, brewers unite and brew beer, so, come on, let me see how interesting it is, well- well, answer me,
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karen, this question, what holiday is february 23, well, it’s defender of the fatherland day, and not only, it’s also an international day, expectations for women’s brewing day, let’s better focus on famous holidays together: fireman’s day , tractor driver's day, day of the host of the parade program humor, what is such a holiday? of course, it is celebrated every day that our program is on air. aw, karen, what a great idea you came up with! what would a holiday be without?
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chmoshnikovich. yes, what's the matter? bailiffs service. bailiff, boss, jock in prison sazhalovich. i am informing you that you have accumulated debt. what other debt? i paid off all my debts a long time ago. i took out a meat grinder on credit, and i took out an extension cord as a mortgage. what is my debt? you have accumulated marital debt. what? you were sued by your wife of under-caressed toads. krivomordovna, according to according to her testimony, you have been maliciously avoiding paying your marital debt for many years, but
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you understand, somehow you can’t get around to it, i don’t care about your hands, you’re a bed slacker, a night parasite, a dessert of the love front. the fact is that i keep social distance, i’m one and a half meters, i just can’t reach, and in general, why did you come so late, you’re already 60, people like you, we always come at 36, here’s your credit history, did you pay off your spousal debt regularly only during the honeymoon, and then you paid constantly, in the morning, in the afternoon...
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then the payments decreased all the time until they turned into pitiful handouts: kisses on the forehead, pats on the back, scratching the belly with the foot, and that... during the marriage , you accumulated a debt of 3,242 times. you must repay the debt by 12:00 tomorrow. oh, wait a minute. oh, what is this? 267 times per hour, or 4 and a half times per minute. oh, am i the energizer bunny? understand, yes, it’s not just that i don’t cry, i have a certificate,
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a certificate from a doctor, that i’m not able to, i sexy bankrupt, i do not have the physical ability to pay off my debts, that is , you claim that you do not have the ability to pay off your debts, yes, an employee from your office claims that you are very solvent, who is it that claims this, here is the list, 182 names. i include him in the acting, that’s how i felt that there are funds in the family, but they don’t reach me, you can’t ask for a penny at home, and there he throws from right to left, a sexy oligarch, just think, he made a couple of contributions, you made mi.. .
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yes, you saw this cash register, it’s not a cash register, it’s an atm, he didn’t bring the deposit to bed, he’s a bed bastard, listen, is it possible to somehow restructure this debt, well, i don’t know, well, for example, one part, well, the smallest , i will give it to the plaintiffs, and i will give the other larger part through an intermediary. through potoskukhina's neighbor nina bestyzhevna, look at him, sexy volunteer, by law you are obliged to pay the debt directly to the injured party. well, i don’t know, well, is it possible to somehow replace this debt, i don’t know, well , logging, mines, quarries, uranium hands, hard labor, do you want it? screw on easy work,
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shame on you, citizen zadokhlikov, you have already brought the poor woman to the point that she is forced to constantly borrow from her neighbor, gonjuanov playboy lovelasovich, that a holy place is never empty, so, i refuse to repay the debt to this chalabrid. to give away something marital, but i specifically looked at the welding in order to go blind, so as not to well, look at her, how can she even see this, well, i’m ready to pay, i’m ready, but not to her, listen, i understand, how hard it is for you, but there are some kind of medications, medicines, all sorts of remedies, but i tried everything, everything, strichnin people, they connected rats. i don’t care about this, well then
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work on yourself, for example, try auto-training, you know what it is, i’ll teach you now, repeat after me, my wife is a beauty, my wife is a beauty, your wife is a beauty, listen, let me i’ll give everything to your wife, oh why, is it because of you that our marriage has cooled down? marriage bed, by the way, you are also to blame, citizen, you have to somehow stimulate there this repayment of debt there, well , i don’t know, somehow spur it on there, you tried role-playing games, tried, i was a nurse, he was sick, he didn’t let me into the bedroom without a qr code, then i dressed up as a schoolgirl, he he immediately sent me to distance learning, to my mother, well, striptease,
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i tried it, it doesn’t turn him on at all, yeah, come on, show the bailiff your striptease, no question, moscow is quiet, moscow, how much are your golden tukalas. “i haven’t watched it to the end yet, weakling, that’s it, that’s it, forgot about the striptease, yeah, you'll forget this kind of shit. 10 million views, and don’t be jealous, please, gentlemen, well, love, it ’s a mutual process, love is a tango, a man leads, a woman leads, a man turns on, a woman turns on, but she
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doesn’t turn me on at all, so citizen suffocated, if you don’t get anything from her, by law you will have to pay the entire spousal. her older sister, hunchback extrashernik, kemarovna, born thirty-second, am i a pro-kharshalyapin, or what? so you refuse, right? well then we'll confiscate yours car, and you know, i took a closer look, and she’s nothing, nothing, pretty, we’ll confiscate your apartment, very, very pretty, we won’t have laptops, we’ll remove the tanks, that’s it. goddess, aphrodite, angelina jali, after the buffet, i can’t wait to pay off all the marital debt.
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if it’s a holiday. then folk, we love traditions, honor our history, value family , strong relationships, admire how the country is blossoming, there are even more achievements ahead of us, fall in love with the country. not at the exhibition russia, while you live in my house, on my money, you will live by my rules, dad, everyone laughs at me, take it, i’m with yulka for a reason, i want to marry her, slav, so you married, married today, gone tomorrow, i'll kill you, you bastard, don't touch me,
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not guilty of anything, you put my life in order accounting, and i’m your personal life, your personal life cannot be put in order, it’s complete ruins, well, it definitely won’t get any worse, in general, i agree, what, marry you, to my mother-in-law for bleny, on sunday on rtr, oh , dear, shaking the walls, big changes have come, new season with new renovation, with a slight movement of the hand, we are making three different functional zones from this absolutely faceless room. ideas are overflowing, we want to transform them. radiator wart object will be full of surprises and there is a lot of work, before our eyes plans turn into projects, i adore plants, i’m generally
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a plant maniac, real stone flowers will soon bloom in the living room of our heroes, after dismantling much will become clear, and dreams become reality, look, let them into your home, big changes, every sunday on rtr, brothers , bolundra, vessel, tigers are grazing, the jungle has been created, what kind, actors work with cells, i don’t want to be a steak, tigers according to stanislavsky’s system, the tiger basically consists of three parts, but what does it eat? horse meat and mountain meat, and i read that it is human feeds on prey,
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no predator was harmed during the filming of the film, mysticism, striped flight, on sunday on rtr, lenochka, why are you suddenly sad, did you notice, yes, you see, the point is, karen, that you and i are talking about the holidays , and i haven’t noted anything for so long. wait, wait, this is very expensive, not a word more, i understand everything, soviet champagne, krasnodar trout,
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far eastern caviar, wait, the fact is that i serve in a provincial theater, not a word more, i understand everything, portvel, herring and olivya, wait, the thing is that i’m an actress in tyuz, and i understood everything, lemonade, chips and a hot dog, you know how... it really lifted my spirits, of course, lena, because giving people the joy of laughter , it’s as nice as watching our next artist perform. meet svyatoslav yeshchenko on stage.
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i know who i am, and the toastmaster, a professional toastmaster, well, after that incident i have everything. passed, dra-dra, without a trace, then new customers call, they say, you can have a fun wedding, i say, of course, i can it’s cool, with only one condition that there are no bees at the wedding, yes, they say, why do we need bees at a wedding, though we have a lot of goodies on the table, there will be flies, nothing, i say, it’s for your health, i don’t care.. vegetarian, well, i’m coming to the wedding, the bride and groom are sitting at the table rooted to the spot, the guests are already
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rooted to death, i started the wedding with a beautiful, life-affirming toast, fate brought you together honor by honor, the groom was sent to the bride, so you guys will live together for life, side. side like a sausage in dough, the guests hurried to drink, to quickly have a snack, and after a gastronomic break, i announced that it was time, no, not bees, gifts, the bene's father gets up and addresses the bride, dear angela, we gave you the most expensive thing in our family, our last name, and now you , anzhelika nishchebrodskaya, bear this surname with pride and do not
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disgrace yourself in front of anyone. then other guests began to give gifts, some, of course, gave empty envelopes, yes, yes, i’m an experienced fashionist, i immediately determine this matter, if a person gives an envelope with money, he has there is melancholy in his eyes, and if he gives you an empty envelope, on the contrary, his eyes are joyful, but they move, the groom’s brother turned out to be the most original of all, he said, dear newlyweds, i want to give you something that you definitely don’t have, i ask, is it really a helicopter? they almost guessed it, it’s a boomerang, he takes this thing out of a beautiful box, the blonde witness says: wow, what a cute hanger for thongs, brother, he says, by the way, this is
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a military weapon, i say: “ i’m improvising, the groom’s brother says: it hurts you are smart, yes, but you don’t know what the word is boomerang translated from australian means horseradish, you throw it away, you take it from your shoulder with such a grip, the boomerang makes a circle and returns
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straight to your hand, i ask: it just returns to your hand, there are no deviations from the route, well, i’m just kidding, i’m improvising, the groom is also torturing his brother , you yourself are his metal at least once, the brother answers, metal at least once from the balcony, and that he returned, but how, really, together with the janitor, the janitor said again from your balcony this crap will fly out, fly back. and i'm an idiot, nothing bad, solemnly i announce, dear guests, whoever wants to be the first to take advantage of the honorable right to throw this wedding boomerang, the mother of the bride, that is , the mother-in-law, says: i think that the boomerang should be thrown, my dear matchmaker, svetlana
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says, yeah, that keen eye shot at tire six months ago. the shooting gallery still has a hole in it the back is not overgrown. your uncle makes excuses; it’s entirely his fault. the only difference between him and the wild boar was his baseball cap. he grabs the boomerand and, with all his heroic foolishness, throws it out the open window. and then something happened that australian natives cannot dream of. boomerang. i cut off all the tails of the crows on the wires, on the ninth floor the laundry was hanging now on the first floor, to the delight of the neighbors, but that’s not so bad when the boomerang actually began to return to us, flies across the road at a red light, at that very moment a truck was driving at the green light, on which
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stood, you won’t believe it, beehives. yes, we were driving, a boomerang crashed into these hives, and bees flew out of there. with a shake of the brain, they flew into our open window, immediately the bastards recognized me, and like a wedding treat, thank god, i was not alone at the wedding, and although i have nothing to do with either the bride’s side or the pancake’s side, we everyone now looks like relatives. now everyone can easily travel abroad with one passport, dear people, i ask you, do not
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decide, he’s not good, but a pretty girl, with a joke, a quirk, with an invention, girl, maybe i’m that ideal , let’s go tomorrow, masha, again, is still there, but she is different, she is so responsible, reasonable, modest, i am a girl. what kind of joke is this, such limit girls, i’ll take it and get married on monday to rtr planet more. than just television, it’s a piece of russia on every screen on the planet, the
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loudest premieres have flown, how did i get here, and a corporate reunion, or what? what are you? and you don’t know bender well, you don’t need a motive for murder based on cunning. what was that on the strip? i don’t know, dog, in my opinion, exciting series, we’re putting together an orchestra, we’ll perform shostakovich’s seventh symphony, whoever doesn’t take risks, luck doesn’t smile on him, we’ll succeed , i’ll be the one doing the surgery, i’m scared, as if i’m not me, to unfortunately, no motive is visible murder, no connection between the murders, but there is one, and we will find it, i remind you once again that this is my investigation, let's come to an agreement with... you are the coach, i am the player, a dizzying show and the best music, and you are generally great you spend part of your life on your feet or on your head, even i don’t know, i want to read, please!
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