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hello, i'm arseny, what's your name? what's next? will you ride the bus with me all day? today, daughter, where is the world heading? you are so calm, ready to accept that our son is dating a trolleybus driver, a bus driver, no story. you are more beautiful in the world than the story of neighbor and neighbor. and your daughter, why don’t you like him? yes, their whole family doesn’t suit me. played to spite your parents and that's enough? maybe you are evil, but i am not. oh, things are under one roof. today on rtr. the floor is trembling,

the walls are shaking, big changes have come, in the new season with a new renovation, with a slight movement of the hand, we are making three different functional zones from this absolutely faceless room. ideas are overflowing. we want to turn the radiator into an art object, there will be a lot of surprises and a lot of work, plans are turning into projects before our eyes, i adore plants, i’m generally a plant maniac, real stone flowers will soon bloom in the living room of our heroes, after dismantling, a lot will become clear, and dreams become reality, look, let them in to your home, big changes, every

sunday on rtr. hello, hello, hello, i’ll start with a question and answer, what is the mood like, elated, playful , complacent, lousy, cheerful , rosy, cheerful, militant, festive , nasty, blissful, sad, unimportant , spoiled, depressed, bad, bad, depressing, lyrical, excellent, playful

, depressed, sad, dreamy, carefree, peaceful, frivolous, dreary, carefree, christmas, beautiful, joyful, panicky, capricious, sublime, murderous, aggressive , enthusiastic, good -natured, gloomy, sad, thoughtful, mournful, momentary, joyless, disgusting, friendly, unstable, positive, skeptical, poetic, serene, patriotic, victorious, sour, fallen, anxious, hostile... philosophical, wonderful, not bad, magnificent, gloomy, wonderful, relaxed, which is so little, something else needs to be added, but combative, that’s what you should keep in mind, nothing spoils a good mood more than its absence, about the fence, i have

i got an unusual job in the new conditions of our life, i’m getting richer and organizing drinking parties. this is the kind of work, and now their fantasies have opened up, some incredible ones, one company, by the way, recently celebrated its anniversary, it hasn’t paid taxes for 5 years, well, the general has some quirks of his own, he turned out to be a fan of this king kong, well this is a big monkey, he asked me to come to them...

and it was burning, he sweeps the path there instead, well, in general, we agreed with him, which means that he rented this burner to me, only on the condition that i dress it up so that she doesn't i caught a cold, well, i took my wife’s clothes, they are the same sizes, no, my mother wasn’t on fire, my wife is big. well, in short, i got dressed, put him in the car, drove off, well, we drove about 500 meters, a traffic cop stopped us, just think about it, he wanted to say something so sternly, then he saw a gorilla and changed his mind,

he spat over his left shoulder 67 times and said everything at me: “drive.” , man, i don’t ask for documents, from people like you, who are so unlucky in life, well , i mean with my wife, the girl jumped out of the car, which means she climbed out onto the roof, did somersaults three times, showed the gun on her leg to the traffic cop. came back, the traffic cop quieted down, i said that there was a standing policeman with you, he said: oh, man, i just imagined what kind of mother-in-law you have, she hugged me,

rubbed her check, and rubbed my cheek. the traffic cop went completely crazy, took out all the day's earnings from under his cap and gave it to me, well, in general, we drove on, i saw a gorilla climb out of the window, which means the glass was lowered, it came out up to the waist, everyone was showing faces as they passed, all sorts of noses were blowing, and most importantly , i see, everyone is giving way to me. the traffic jam problem is solved, everyone is screaming have a nice trip, mowgli, you will laugh, even the train gave way to me, yes, the driver saw a gorilla in clothes, stopped the train,

personally raised the barrier and said: “go, brother, brother, brother, i also got married drunk.” well, let's move on, then i'll remember. “tomorrow is already for her birthday, and i promised to give her a ring with a diamond, and i haven’t bought it yet, and i don’t keep my promises, which i’ve been promising for 15 years, we went to a jewelry store, we walk around, we look, the girl points her fingers in the windows, at us they look like he's wearing a tutu, in short, he chose i show the ring to the gorilla, how do you like it, write, he says, is she asking for a discount, we don’t have discounts, the gorilla hugged her,

took her by the ears, kissed her whole face, she screams, take her away, i say, look, eh what kind of discount there will be, we agreed on 70%, then one lady looked into tears, oh, my fool, she hasn’t given me anything for many years. well, let's move on, we stopped at the grocery store for champagne to buy two drunks in the wine, we saw the fire and screamed, it's time to stop, what a squirrel. said, well, finally, then

we arrived, of course, to the restaurant, cloakroom accepted my outerwear, gorila took my arm, as if we were a married couple, the cloakroom attendant said: no need for tea, take the woman away, no need for tea, take the woman away, no need to take the woman away for tea, no need for tea, he was so wound up , what... after 3 hours we were returning, he continued, no need to start, take dad away, no need to start, take dad away, the general met us at the entrance to the hall, took the gorilla by the hand and led him between the tables, well, i followed him, naturally, i hear conversations at the tables, one drunk man says: look, the general is again from behind the galley, he greets his new mistress, he impudently walks into a stocking... with a napper, the gorilla took a banana and pressed it into his

forehead, he says: look, a foreigner, but they understand russian, the general said, this is our new employee, who he will compete with her, defeat her, get a promotion, a tumble competition. that drunk guy won because he did a somersault 100 times faster than a gorilla, at the last moment she threw a burning cigarette butt into his trousers, so he became, by the way, this deputy general, this is how life happens, i why am i telling all this, my friends, now if i need to go somewhere to the hospital, to the hospital or somewhere else, i... make sure to take the gorilla with me, tip-top, and

you know why? because the respect of man for man has disappeared somewhere, i don’t know where, but respect for monkeys still remains, that’s the thing. the leading artist of the crooked mirror and petrosyan show, as well as many other programs, alexander morozov, turned 50 years old. let us congratulate the artist beloved by many viewers on his anniversary.

i, girls, am a terrible prince, i wanted to say wonderful, i had a shower yesterday, i lost the note there, she dropped her shoe at midnight, forgot it, ala refuse. wow, the leg is like a tag, what kind of zone is this, maybe grandma yaga, listen, it’s a crocodile, she just dropped her shoe, no, when she was running, she fell down the stairs twice,

rolled over on her knees, lost a ring there. well, son, you made me laugh. were you with king kong yesterday? tell me, dear boy, what was the igniter? that metal ring stuck out in her nose. and then another liter. took the wine, danced on the table and she lost her tray,

do you hear, son, don’t worry, you’d better tell me what she was doing there? listen, little flower, isn’t that your handkerchief, no, handkerchief, it’s not mine, i’m innocent, wait, hello, zhorik,

zhorik, don’t be sad, for yesterday, i’m sorry, i must have made a mistake, how could i i got drunk yesterday. i ’m about to go on a long journey, call me sometime, yeah, alexander morozov has played more than two hundred roles in 20 years, this is truly an amazing record in the genre, for which we also congratulate him.

i'm a russian star, i'm making faces on the phone, i'm i can open my mouth synchronously under the plywood, like this. it’s a pity that where i sang the plywood, something was cut down, then i realized how much people love music, in petropavlovsk, kamchatsky they threw tomatoes at me, in yakutsk

they grabbed me by the leg, threw them into the crowd, vom eggs. they threw us, we fought back with microphones, i would say in the buffet, but the children in the audience won’t say, in siberia, in siberia, in the palace of cultures they broke my glasses, in the urals, they gave it like that, there behind me, but i won’t show it, like that. in sochi it was sunny under the eye, they gave me sunshine, before the eye was plus one, now he is -25, the capital, in the capital, i

was in the sklefasovsky hospital, a singer, a singer, i once wanted to be, coming from a show business depends on the people, to the grave, to the grave, paps are ready, love everyone, love, it means it hurts to hit, this is my litter, this one, we already have love. he saved me, the premiere on rtr, marry me, and i want to be a captain, in our

village you won’t find a better groom, she has your character, stubborn as a sheep, that the sea chose her, you can help, we will definitely save her who will she choose? come, and in a month we will sign you up and that the decision is absolutely final, that you are a tyrant near me, you are also messing with my girls’ brains, listen, seryozha, maybe we were in a hurry from the wedding, maybe we were in a hurry, yes, it’s up to you to decide, you will be mine wife or not, what has happened to me, a sailor, from monday on rtr.

i guessed, and i guessed, plans, hopes, dreams, everything changed at once, i killed my husband, and everyone must be responsible for their actions, something is wrong in her case. "she's kind, she's warm-hearted, it's okay, on our the babulnik will bloom, your cherished wish will definitely come true, i love you, i want to be with you when the babulnik blooms, today on rtr. joyful formation, guitars, fierce formation of the detachment, the grandiose soviet

project "bam" continues to celebrate its half-century anniversary, unique footage, a chronicle of construction and komsomol life, a story of heroism and love, in the studio the heroes of the famous brigade of alexander bonder meet after 50 years, malakhov. monday on rtr, when two pop artists unite in a duet, they certainly they are approaching the theatrical existence of the stage, which is very good, it somehow diversifies our pop drama. our author, alexey shcheglov. well, lesh, let

's play a restaurant, play, or rather a caricature of a restaurant. welcome, dear friends, to our exquisite, fashionable, fashionable, elite, french restaurant, i’ll sit and eat. hello, hello, our dear client, can you hold on for a minute, dear guest, hold on, i ’ll prepare the table, you see, there ’s something here that doesn’t suit me, now i’ll quickly do it i'll do it, the squirrel runs. parasite,

but you can’t keep track of them, everything, absolute cleanliness, apothecary, handsome, okay, come on, sit down, please, settle down, everything is clean here, i wiped it the day before yesterday, please, here it is. i hope, as you said, the food in your restaurant is really tasty, well, of course it’s delicious, our restaurant is the only owner of a michelin cross, you probably wanted to say michelin stars, no, just a cross, mr.

michelin personally. dined in our restaurant, at this table, on this chair, leaving, on doors, drew a cross, really, evil tongues, the waiters claim that there were more letters there, well, iksterly, why spoil your mood, so, what do you want, my friend? i’ll spin it like this, well, since your restaurant is french, then i’ll have cutlet de voile, potofe, boeuf bourguignon, fondue, choucrouc missoise and bardot-château brienne from 1989. you said cutlet with what? well, it’s so

simple, a cutlet. pearl barley, so, give us the menu, menu, here you go, by the way, in our restaurant we have a motto: whoever comes to us for food, comes from food will be happy, happy, happy, well, let's see, oh, yeah, chardonnay puree.

how is that? its godlike. it is prepared by our best potatoes. ripe bunches of potatoes. gently cut from a potato vine besotted with the sun. then they peel the skin off the potato and pick out its eyes. and boil, simmer over low heat until a tender wort is formed, add oil to this wort, imported from a donkey, so that when you sit down in a chair, your loins will bliss out, you won’t feel sour, and then they mash,

mash the carto... get out of here, parasite, don’t shame me! i won’t do this, you won’t, in vain, in vain, but there’s a lot of things here, please, like that, fried chanterelles, boiled wolf cubs, pickled chipmunks, there are also hedgehogs in sour cream, i highly recommend it, a spicy dish, you just have to pull the needles out of your mouth. well , i won’t do that either, but what kind of dish is this, shish kebab-mashlik? oh, this is beef, served with vegetables, vegetables, like

eggnog, herbs, minced meat and marinade, shmarinade, this is a strange dish, i won’t do it either, oh ram! what did you say? i say: here is a lamb, very tasty lamb. i don't want lamb. what kind of dish is this called some kind of garbage? i don't know what it's from, but there's a photo on the next page. some kind of bullshit. well, it’s inexpensive, by the way, to seduce. so, what kind of dish is this? dogs with sauce, everyone knows, the name speaks for itself, american sheep.

i see, joe biden's stuffed cabbage rolls, are they old or what? no, they are not so much old as lazy, elderly, they are blown away by the wind when they are carried up the stairs. okay, okay. kurils in japanese, what is this, this is a fig with butter, and what kind of dish is this? our national team

football? well, these are boiled vegetables, they are in a golden bowl. but there’s no point, just like that, you know, a pig on a spit, boris johnson, we spit it, it’s well -done, because we spit it. in general, we turned everyone around and will continue to turn them around, but why is the chicken called conchita wurst, with horseradish,

and with a beard, beard. well, a restaurant, a good restaurant, read, read, corn cakes, how are they prepared? oh, it's very simple: we take a cow, start feeding it corn, feed it, feed it, after 2 hours, the cakes are ready. that's it, waste-free production, chestnut chop, what is this made from, chestnuts, those in the body mumu, and what is this made from,

korean beef, and what kind of dish is this, well, to hell with it, the meat is burnt in french. i won’t do that, well, to hell with it, cherry eggs, how’s that? well, quail, oh, by the way, can i have scrambled eggs, you have chicken eggs, coward eggs, snake eggs, ant eggs, uh-huh, chicken eggs, chicken eggs, an excellent choice, you - from the right bank of the moscow river or from the left, and what’s the difference, big difference, on right bank. "the sun shines on the chickens' necks in the morning,

you see, they turn their heads towards the sun, their muscles tense, and the eggs don’t come out right away, so the harvest from the right bank is not very good, well then from the left bank, it’s a great choice, do you want younger or older eggs?”? what’s the difference, younger eggs are fresh, older eggs are chickens, i just want scrambled eggs, that means younger ones, you decontaminate the eggs, i mean, let them breathe before frying, man, just take two eggs, crack them, throw them in the frying pan, that's it, great choice, we have it. there are many types

of fried eggs, read it, you will be interested, kirkorov scrambled eggs, fried eggs, japanese style scrambled eggs, narrow fried eggs, mutant scrambled eggs from three eggs, kutuzov scrambled eggs from one egg, homer scrambled eggs, without yolks - scrambled eggs andrei malakhov, scrambled eggs, listen, how many other types of scrambled eggs do you have, 125, that’s all , no need for scrambled eggs, just boil one egg for me, boil the crumpet into a bag, a cellophane bag, a druzent bag, just

take the egg, take a pan of water, put it on the fire, put the egg in the pan, cook for 5 minutes, take out the egg , everything, i understand, and the chop from beef, well done, excellent choice, i'll go, i'll go get yours, please go ahead, order, i'm going, i'm going to the restaurant, let's see what else they have here, truffles, one truffle 3.00 rub. just smell it. what nonsense? grandmother's liver. ah, liver according to grandma's recipe. shawarma, kitten woof. what's more interesting? french wine - chateau de ulanoude. the most delicious product made from wheat, vodka. well,

i agree. the salad is a fun surprise. cucumbers in milk with herring. covid-19 cheese. no taste, no smell. grandfather smear the eggs. what is this? schnitsa with hare, here's your order, oh, how great, let's see, so solemnly, your beef, dear guest.

why is your beef stone-like, marbled, a delicacy, whatever you want, i don’t want, please, how fastidious you are, and your egg, dear guest, is a masterpiece. but i asked for a chicken egg, and what did you boil for me? these are chicken ones, chicken ones, we just had a chicken that lived on the ustruu. farm, and there was an ostrich harassment, well, you eat, eat, the chicken tried, pushed, you know, pushed, yes, pushed, that’s it, you got me, come on,

enough, enough nonsense, i'm an inspector! from rospotrebnadzor, your restaurant is closed, oh, you ’re a vigorous loaf, there are a whole million violations here, this chop looks like it’s in granite, so don’t chew the chop, you gnaw, 100,000 for an egg, yes, that’s exactly what you want, this is fabergek , in your kitchen, i saw the rat you are carrying, this is our cook, larisa, the cat is sleeping in the pan, there are fleas in it, there is probably darkness, this is not a cat, this is shawarma, green cabbage nibbles, everything is overgrown with mold, by the way, we have a french chef, monsieur

nicolas, de flo, i feel. i almost died from your snacks, so be happy, you’re lucky, there’s a man there... you called an ambulance, maybe he ’s still alive, he’s not there, but where is he? look at the rtr, well, how is he a local police officer, nothing, we haven’t had anything yet, we decided to wait until the wedding, you need to change something in your life, he’s not bothering anyone tonight,

misha, actually i’m volodya, raya knows everything, this is not... life, this is the swaying of jets! to be continued, watch on monday on rtr. please, acquaintance and roll call, possible without formation. i'm very glad you came to my place. how much tea is drunk, how many stories are told. i was cocky in a white tuxedo. and i begin. here mark anatolyevich zakharov goes into ore, and for me it was probably akin to the appearance of christ to the people, how many secrets were told, i’m like a man-hunter of women, i like to attack, dad imagined that i would have a completely different husband, and there is so much more to come, i foresaw my fate, now everything is just coming true, i surrender everything with

joy, let’s all wave our hands when everyone is at home with timur kizikov, on sunday, on rtr: we don’t have princes in the city, i bet you’ll sit before you wait, let me invite you to dinner, and maybe i can somehow cheer you up, all your words were lies, all declarations of love, our dreams for the future are lies . i beg you very much, don’t leave grisha, okay, i’ll give you a week to find the father, start filling out documents for the child, have you really fallen for this katya, what kind of stupidity is this? of course not, you need your own family, you’ll meet a woman, or

maybe i’ve already met her, katya, no, they said they came from you. you us too betrayed, from love to hate, on friday at rtr, snow anniversary, wedding flowers, today in the studio hello, andrey, only wedding songs are played. it seems to me that i haven’t danced so much for a long time, such an atmosphere, especially, hello andrey,

andrey malakhov’s evening show, today on rtr, look, love is when you look in one direction, look, look, look, you want to watch, look, let’s see , look, well, look at the screen. look at me, carefully, look, look, sign the agreement, we sign at the same time for one, two, three, sign up , look, look, maybe we’ll go to my place, just watch a movie, we often use the expression, i achieved something at random, i ’ve been thinking for a long time, what kind of method is this? at random, someone explained to me that he is a famous scientist, self-taught, he never reads

instructions, he uses his own method to achieve success, or makes every effort to finally defeat some device, or break it, but so what you do it, we poke it, once, wow, wow, as they say, there is no trick against scrap. here i am, for example, by the way, when editing this program, i substitute one number, then another, using this random method, until i get what i need. people, anyone?

cold. how much, how much, what noise are you making, at the expense of the establishment, with your arrival.

like this, yes, like this, like this, yes, then we, oh, like this, it’s been a long time since i picked up checkers, but oh, yeah, like that. ladies, like this,

i propose a draw, moment a! a predatory forelock, just like mine, it’s not a forelock, but an overlay, it’s just that my mistress

doesn’t like bald ones, not either, but what’s your mistress’s name? alexandra? mine shurchik's wife. oh, you know, we have a sanatorium, so to speak, the most five-star in the world, yes, all the top party

leaders once vacationed with us, and what do you say, we were famous. brezhnev himself was on vacation all along the coast, and then, dear friends, he began his duties without regaining consciousness, and then antropov came to visit us, he was a good guy, a year later chernenko, no luck. only gorbachev didn’t come to us, and you know, because the situation has settled down, dear friends, i suggest we have a drink within anti-alcohol program, well, dear!

guest, your number 17, please, welcome, mikhail anatorevich, pipe, yes, pipe, help me carry the suitcase, oh, again the suitcase, uh, now, what are there, bricks, or what? very learned people have recently discovered that indeed, it turned out that all women are bitches, especially learned women, that hunger is not the aunt, the well-fed is not the uncle of the hungry, that chickens don’t teach bad dancers, that after communicating with carlson, the kid

got fat, became insolent, let go... . you need to turn it off immediately, otherwise it will be too much. affects the brain, very strongly, that in the national economy it is most profitable to dilute vodka with water, that the fish do not bite, but because it does not have a beak, that it is easier to talk nonsense together, they also discovered that the fish bite better on a spit-stained and morally humiliated worm. scientists have also found that in order to catch a hare, you need to stand behind a tree and make the sound of a carrot. scientists have found that if you give a person fish, he will be full for one day, but if

you give a person the name fed, he will be full for everything.

boris borienko, i would say, is of the highest international class. j'ai le cœur comme une musique, j'ai besoin de toi, de tes mains sur moi, de ton corps dous, j'ai envie d'être aimé, dominou le

print chantant, le soleil. la cœur comme à ta musique, j'ai besoin de toi de cœur, sur moi, de ton corps d, j'ai envie d'être aimé, as i understand it, your enterprise is a commercial one, right? i understand you, okay, please.

yes, of course, of course, you can’t live without a flag. or a banner, yes thank you, thank you very much, i went on earning money, navy day on rtr,

special holiday edition of the show "songs from with all my soul." every time my father brought huge beautiful shells as a gift. russia honors its fleet. russia congratulates its heroes. july 28, all day. i want to inspect your network, because dolphins are dying for me. what? premiere on... rtr : only once the dolphin

was caught and released. zora, bring us some fish! and who is this crazy sailor ? she’s not swimming with the flow. let ’s go! , i turn around. sorry, i have a headache. lost, well, jealously, don’t you understand, or what? well! if you are really ready to accept me as i am, and you, a sailor from monday on rtr, the mother-in-law from around the corner scares the son-in-law, oh, the son-in-law with fear, mother, mother-in-law, well , that’s what i call him, otherwise claudia egorovna, mom won’t teach you anything bad, but these were flowers, the husband says: dear, before the wedding, you said that you know how to cook, you can peel potatoes, wife, but how to peel them?

like a tangerine or like a banana? parade of humor, sunday on rtr. hello, i'm arseny. and what is your name? what's next? will you be with me in ride the bus all day? today, daughter, where is the world heading? are you so calmly ready to accept that our son is dating a trolleybus driver? bus? no,

humor and medicine. a person was asked why you became a doctor? he replied: i didn’t have much of a choice, i graduated from medical school. a note on the door of the local therapist. there will be no reception from march 16 to march 20. all the symptoms of the disease and their treatment are available on the internet.

a man comes to the doctor, there is a carrot in his mouth, a banana in his ear, a cucumber sticking out from behind, the doctor tells him: “eh, my friend, you’re not eating right, dialogue in the doctor’s office with the ladies, undress to the waist, top or bottom,” top, bottom, let’s be about.” think, this is a specialist, what should i do? elena ivanovna, yes, invite me, please. was this crazy intern called in, i want to talk to him very seriously? yes, i’m waiting for you, young man, you’ve only

been in our hospital for a few hours, and you’ve already done such a thing, what, well, tell me, why did you take the basin away from our nanny and start taking pictures of it? you asked to do it yourself i took a picture of the pelvis, i asked for an x-ray, so the basin should be x-rayed or what? are you a complete idiot, or what? what did you do in the second ward? that a wife came to see a sick old man, well, a 70-year-old woman, why did you kick her out? well... he complained that he was tormented by an old hernia, i thought he was talking about her, but what about the patient from the third ward, what? there was a suspicion that she had decirculatory, encephalotopia,

paroxysmal takicondria, autoimmune, what’s here? and is it you talking to me? with whom else? no, there, there it’s a serious matter, there the patient needs a candle, is this for health or for, you don’t know where to put the candle, i know, a candlestick, so the patient has been complaining for the second hour that his candlestick

hurts, you’ve completely confused me, give it to the patient the candle needs to be lit. are you kidding me? no no. what did you do in the fifth ward? what? the woman has a sore throat. so. i asked you to rinse. so. i caressed. i'm generally an affectionate guy. i asked you to caress my throat. oh, do you mean it that way? yes, in this. woman. the second hour complains that her throat hurts, she asks to gargle, well, you know, i can’t do it for 5 hours straight, i’m not made of iron, but what did you do in the sixth ward, what, when the patient asked how long he

had left to live, well, why did you immediately start?