the russian people, on the contrary, should not have gone in this direction, go to the east, go to the light, go to chersonese, but the ukrainian authorities , under the influence of the west, the same dark forces that orthodoxy resisted for centuries, under these influences, the ukrainians lost themselves, this is a betrayal of your grand duke, your ruler, our common ruler, this is a betrayal of our entire history, all of our...

the implementation of this project, i was interested in you, and we suspend chersonese, or move on, you said then, a decisive no, of course, we continue, why are these patriotic tasks , as you think, that the new chersonese can solve, but because we always, especially in this period of our development, our history,

we need success, we need victory, and victory there cannot be without a solid foundation of a moral, ethical, spiritual foundation, and this foundation is precisely created by our history, our traditions and pride in what was done by our ancestors to strengthen the fatherland; this is still, in a certain sense , our weapon today. this is happiness that we are with you now we can be here, be at the ruins of ancient temples, look at the majestic st. vladimir’s cathedral, rejoice in the fact that a very unique complex has been built next to hersanes, and this is a complex, a complex of enlightenment, a complex of light, man is being transformed, willy-nilly, you can believe it or not believe, but when you come to the territory of hersanes and see ancient temples... in

huge numbers, you understand what, what energy this place is filled with. chersonesos is such an assemblage point, yes, it can be used such an analogy, there russia was baptized, emerging from the darkness of paganism, moving into the light of orthodoxy, there we unite with the ancient, deepest and richest byzantine tradition, absorbing it into our culture, among other things. this, if we talk about chersonesos in the past, is a symbol of what you would like chersonesos to be for...

the artes cultural foundation presents. hello, my dears, i have already said this more than once. that the full house archive contains unique footage. while going through the tapes, i played one of them, mikhail zadornov. incredibly, there is no feeling of loss, although 6 years have passed since he was no longer with us, but it still seems that now he enters the studio there will be fireworks, jokes, funny stories and endless fun. so, mikhail. these are the kind of comic poems,

written by nikolay gordeev, from ukhta, like a sandwich without sausage, and like a stage without a papa, like a glass on a holiday without wine, like my wife without me, and like a gomag without a summer resident, and without a perky full house. well, the poems, of course, from a literary point of view are far from flawless, but as for the essence, in general, personally, i am completely with the author of the letter. what and to say, without mikhail zadorny today it is impossible to imagine not only any humorous program, but our entire modern stage, because he is an excellent writer, an interesting playwright, a brilliant performer of his own stories. so, meet on the tv screen, your beloved mikhail

zadornik, by the way, he bought ours in london in a supermarket, he went into the supermarket, our new russian, and saw that he had everything for everyone... they won’t buy everything for all families at once half an hour before departure, and he thinks so, but what to do? they are very smart businessmen of ours, here a woman, a saleswoman rolls on a cart, men's, women's suits, dishes, linen, children's things are hung up, she must sort it all into departments, feel the next phrase he said, you will be filled with pride for our russian people, he tells her, ready, he says to her: go to the cash register? “mish, on these tickets there are questions from sold-out spectators, i think that they are not much different from the questions in the notes that come at your creative evenings. by the way, the most unexpected question from the audience addressed to you, which one, do you remember this

question, many of the notes were very unexpected for me, but probably the most unexpected was how after i tried to tell something for two hours. the audience was laughing, and i was already tired, suddenly a person hands me a note, i take it and read it, tell me something funny, so what did you do, what did you tell me, i somehow completely collapsed, and i was so sincerely depressed like a balloon that was pierced, it was so important, suddenly it appeared and there was nothing there, and the audience laughed a lot at how i wilted, that was the funniest moment of all. well let's see, huh what surprises have our viewers prepared for you, this is from the audience, from the audience, listen, regina, i worry every time i see pieces of paper cut up on the table, because it reminds me of my student youth, i still worry, that is, you want to say , that during real exams you were always worried, and now i’m afraid that my reflex

is working, i’ll take it, i’ll say, can i come next time, come on, well, come next time, you’re a gambling person, i’m a gambling person, yes? but only where i don’t lose, it’s good, it’s possible, but it’s possible, just wait, gambling man, gambling man, you play games of chance, i played a lot of cards in my youth, well, there was a time when there wasn’t enough money, and i played preference games, i really love this game, i think it’s well, no, in order to start winning, you had to lose a lot, and then i had one rule for myself, an exact one.

in my programs and today, too, i will talk about some observations made over the last year, such a report to the viewer. moscow store, we have a draft, keep your money. from gurzuf the following observation came: the camp site, this, this savdepiya was preserved at the camp site. dear tourists, if you have leftover stalons from lunch, you can eat them for dinner. some mr.

vinogradov from st. petersburg sent me a letter, a lot of interesting observations, one of them is connected, apparently, with an announcement at his entrance, but that’s just it. a russian could write such a warning: do not park cars at the entrance, dash with a shovel on the glass. part in moscow, god forbid you imagine this, this is a thriller, i warn you, the staff of the medical unit is strictly forbidden to finish eating what’s left of the patients, quietly, i’m starting for the second time, the imagination has been turned off, it’s forbidden to finish eating what’s left of the patients, the ad is for sale. interior dot eats everything dot loves children the city of norilsk the work canteen is dressed and

the men are not served the city of labetnangi this is applause on rilska the city of labetnangi in my opinion labetnangi is even more interesting also the work canteen ate it yourself get out voronezh jar of horseradish. the label, well, it’s very beautiful, it was apparently composed by a poet, nature's hit dash horseradish, listen, where do you get the strength to laugh so much, the evening is already running out, imagine, i laughed like you, maybe even louder and brighter, when i saw a notice on the fence in the moscow region, knock three times, there is a deaf in the yard dog, can you imagine what happened to me when i saw on the rear window of a car,

a car was driving in front of me, okay, i wasn’t driving, i would have crashed, there was a car in the rear window in front of me, i confused the pedals, that’s it, ready, i got you, an acquaintance was driving along the roundabout road, businessman, bought a new car, saw two girls standing by their car, did something happen to them? car, you know, like our girls, they go out, if something happens to their car, they open the hood and look there, like that, they don’t do anything, they just look, carefully, carefully, i don’t even know what they’re talking about they think, i ’ll tell you honestly, but he thinks, i’ll give them a lift, they’re nice, there’s a rope, they hit the dude with a new car, he pulled up, he says, girls, come on, pick it up, the rope, he says, get the ride on... at the first traffic light, he was slammed from behind with

all his might, he says, they didn’t even try to slow down, you can’t imagine what i could have done with them, when i got out, but all my strength was exhausted, he said, when i saw, they are both sitting in the back seat, looking at a magazine. who was the first to believe in your abilities, who was the first to recognize the future writer in you? father, father, he was a writer and when i was 18 years old, he suddenly invited me to go to the kuril islands on a working botanical expedition, i went, as he guessed that it would inspire me, i i really was a laborer when i returned. and i wrote a story, the story had 300 pages, so, not on

a typewriter, but in my handwriting, and dad read it, came and said, two pages were written well, you’ll probably write it, a student’s letter home, hello, dears dad and mom, it’s already 2:00 am, and i’m sitting. in the dormitory, by the door to my room, i’m writing you a letter, because they don’t let me into the room, they say it’s not my turn to spend the night, my eyes are drooping, but i can’t sleep, because that i’m sitting in a chair with one leg, we don’t have any others in the dormitory, and therefore, in order not to fall asleep, i’m writing you a letter, my dear, beloved parents, i miss you very much, send me... please, money, because your last letter, in which you sent me

45 rubles, i didn’t receive it, so for several days now i haven’t eaten anything, i wanted to get a job at a dispensary, they say it’s good there, three meals a day, monday, wednesday, friday, so it would be nice to throw in another thirty, because i refused an increased scholarship, and simple... no one pays me, now i have nothing to quench my thirst for knowledge, well, everything else is fine, however, recently my friends on the floor accepted me into their community, this... means everything that was mine before it used to be, but now it has become common, the creamplin trousers that uncle gosha sent from mongolia with mulberry jam, too, they were used as an entrance fee, now everyone wears them to get married, and instead of them, friends in the community gave me glasses, italian, smoky, without glasses,

i warn you, father, i won’t have my golifes anymore send them away, they are too communal, the whole community fits in them. you, like your grandmother, is she healthy, does she still receive a regular pension, if so, why hasn’t she written for a long time, in a word, remember, you have a son who never forgets you, if it’s difficult for you, then send him away, he will help, i’ll end here, i’m looking forward to your answer, your breadwinner, serezhenka, ps, it’s better if you translate the answer

by telegraph, the biggest... the biggest success is the biggest failure at the beginning of the journey, let’s start with the unpleasant, with failure, the biggest failure i had a reginga in the theater for which i wrote at the moscow imitation institute, i remember the first play that i wrote, the audience watched in complete silence, he neither laughed nor worried, he was constantly trying to figure out what i wrote , when the play ended, the actors left, and the hall remained in silence, he thought that it would be about... on the field in turkmenistan, when we left, our spectators were cotton growers, and we arrived in a truck, threw off the sides of the trucks, and it

was stage for us, the cotton farmers were sitting opposite us on sacks of cotton, but i see that they look past... i have never had such success in my life, they laughed so much at everything about it that from now on, when we came with agetrigada, we always asked in another place, do you have a donkey or a donkey, and he sat down like that, drove around, and we had a grandiose success, yes , great success, and mish, now you don’t carry your yushak with you, huh? “that’s it, regina, the body is wrong, the shaki are over, and by the way, my first joke in life is connected with my last name, i was 7 years old, and i heard, on tv, on the radio, there was no tv then, the song mishka- bear, where is your smile, and i tell dad, look what a song, full of mash fire, the father

was silent, he said to the mother, “maybe he will be useful,” he said. i carried my stories for 8 years, they were not published, i carried them, i won’t say which literary newspaper, let it remain, which means it’s a mystery, but there was an editor working there at that time, he is now my friend, he stuttered a little then, especially when i talked with young authors, and he always gave one review, 8 years, so i bring a story, he will read it, he says, bullshit, and i’m very grateful to him, because it really was bullshit, we’ll get married, i’m with sasha, and you’re with the man of my dreams, we look

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oh, no, what are you, i know exactly where from, every day the affectionate one comes from work, of course there is, why should he be affectionate maybe yours is affectionate with you, no, boring, all the days, doesn’t even talk, happy, that means he believes you, but i’m just exhausted from such a life, i’ve already caused a scandal and a day earlier i returned from a business trip, and hired one friend , he followed him blindly for a month, wow, i can’t, nothing helps, kiss him right away. my beloved

called me, in the morning, i look like my beloved in the morning, like those, masha, my friends laugh at me, my husband says, you’re smart, you feel like how smart he is leading me by the nose, and the neighbors they’re making fun of me, recently i was riding in the elevator, one neighbor right in front of me was holding deer antlers, it’s over, i don’t seem to notice his hint, i say, i ask indifferently, you have horns, and he’s so excited, he says, otherwise... you don’t know and immediately adds hello to my husband , tell him, i can’t, mash, that’s it, you know, just as he’s with me, so am i with him, you know, wow, i’ll take revenge on him, i’ll be kind to him too, he’ll dance with me, so admits everything, why? yes, because no man has ever been able to withstand a good relationship for a long time.

i'll be honest, i'm always trying to write something serious. i can’t do anything, so i always get frivolous strange numbers from some serious matter, so i got a new program, which is called the mind cannot understand russia, the words are not mine, but very correct in my opinion, here perhaps that’s it, i’m always trying to move from chekhante to chekhov, forgive me for the immodest comparison, but i’m always thrown back to chekhante, well, tell me after that, what should i... tell you to wish that you become chekhov, i want for you to stay perky, well, you couldn’t wish me anything better, sadder and more honest, anyway, now i thought, i’m still saying, stay perky, hello, angela - it’s me, sorry, i can’t speak louder, i ’m calling you from the big one, you why, angela, didn’t recognize me, it’s me, valtarena, voltarena, valka,

who... no, i’m not from the big casino, i’m from the big theater, i’m sitting in the stalls, watching a play, this one is very famous, he’s singing like his career , i heard about this, no, what are you talking about, great, i also thought at first that fashion designer, uh-huh, it turned out to be a spaniard, an opera artist, this canary, what, what, angel, what, let's go, what are you talking about, tickets? $1.00 each, as soon as i found out, mine was so fired up, yes, come on, he says, let’s go, find out where the big theater is, well, i called all of our people, no one knows, they found the strength, now we sit, enjoy, super, no , mine doesn’t hear what i’m saying, he ’s discussing a deal with his partner on his mobile phone, don’t be afraid, i ’m not bothering anyone here now, everyone here is talking on the phone now, the career guy was so surprised at first, he

probably, when they didn’t call so much, now it’s okay, i’m used to it, you even know, i began to sing more quietly, so as not to disturb us, anzhelka, why am i calling you, i’m going to london tomorrow with mine, no, mine is busy, so i’m flying with mine, you know, i’ve been dreaming about london for a long time, i really want to see the eiffel tower, that the eiffel tower is not in london, but where in rome, exactly, are its ancient greeks. arranged, she also worked as a lighthouse for them, i remember, yes, we need to, we need to look at the world, anzhelka, remember how per bezukhov said, life is given to a person once, by the way, you know my new one, no, well what are you, super, meter 64 tall, and affectionate, when we walk down the street with him, everyone turns around and looks at how he tenderly

holds me under the knee. cute, no strength, no knife, no neck, my favorite figure, belly, ear purse, of course, he doesn’t reach olga, she’s generally 40 meters, you know, he sleeps across her bed, she covers him with a pillowcase. he likes it so much if he doesn't get inside. one day i came to see them and was jealous, they play so affectionately, he rides between her legs on a bicycle. all, it’s over, we ran, mine wants to ruin his career, take him to the bathhouse with us, sing now with his musician, i don’t know who the musician is in the program, the music is written for puchine, so that means he will also come with us. i

had just started performing, and leon izmailov and i were friends. leon izmailov was already there at that time. quite popular because he was published in the newspaper, but still we couldn’t perform together, for large halls a very famous person was needed, a popular person, a friend of ishmael then khazanov was not just popular, gennady’s popularity at that time was 78 times higher than mine today, and we stood at the entrance before the concert, waiting for khazanov to come out so we could go to the concert together, how boring it was, but he in general... he can’t remain silent for more than 7 minutes, firstly, and secondly, he can’t help but joke for more than 10 minutes, suddenly a man walks along the other side of the street, he says to him: can i see you for a minute, he came up, a complete stranger man, or he says to him: look,

now khazanov will come out, you know khazanov, he says: i know, you’ll take an autograph, he says this to khazanov, he says: no, no, from me, the stranger is a little sad, leon says: “calm down, i’ll become famous.” this stranger, quite young, ran out, ran up to us screaming, he was all over the place, guys, how glad i am to see you, kleona, and you are my favorite satirist writer,

please give me an autograph, khazanov turned pale at this moment, but leon signs, but i have to give it to khazanov, everything turned pale for a while. such a gene thinks instantly, he’s right there turned to leon, said: well, how much did you pay him for this, he doesn’t meet him, he’s completely wilted, he thinks they won’t give him three rubles, but in the end geni says, gen, well, at least you can get an autograph for free, but let’s go to in a good mood, i managed to catch the last sound, the last speech from her, i dressed her shiny shoulders with black sable, i threw a green shawl on the curl of her sweet head...

in the evenings i perform, i perform, and in the mornings i will run, i will hurry a little, i will win to perform again i'm going. many of our actors, after all very superstitious, they believe that their success depends on these elements, for example, if i give him a text to an actor, and he suddenly drops it, he definitely thinks that he needs to sit on this text, and he, actors, as a rule, are obese people , they still have difficulty standing up after this, sitting down with difficulty, getting up with difficulty, puffing it all, but the main thing is to sit, which means success. secured, i don’t believe in it, i know one thing, i’ll write a good text, it will be good, i’ll write a bad one, i’ll sit, i won’t sit, even though i’ll put all my relatives on this text, it won’t help anyway, so i wrote a new text, and i know, regina, that

now i’ll go to the concert and either i will be a success, regina, excuse me, i ’ll sit down just in case, okay, because that the concert is important. well, now i’m calm, the whole world shuddered at the way the new russians behave in stores, now, i once took an oilman shopping in new york, and he told me: i need to buy ties for my buddies, he’s like this out of spite, he pulls it all up, says, buddies, help me buy a tie in hantemansky, but i think, i’ll take him to the versace store, because versace is a very bright fashion, and i couldn’t find something more incompatible than versace and hantemansiysky for myself,

i came up with this joke, they say he’ll come with me to versace and ask how much the ties are, and this is very expensive, i ’ll answer him 200 dollars, he’ll tell me, you ’re a fool, and i wind him up, saying, well, look, there are bright gold chains, he says okay. he says: for our homies, it will be normal, for what? i say, 200 dollars, he says: okay, i tell him: are you a fool? and around the corner for 5 definitely buy these dollars, he says, what are you talking about, i’m buying for my buddies, what are you doing? you know, the buddies are cantemantian, and when they fish in galoshes, they can’t catch fish without versace at that moment, and i lead him around the store, the saleswoman of this store remembered this purchase for the rest of her life, i must say, because she there were never any buddies from hantemansiysk, if two americans come and buy three ties, they will ask for a discount. it will be a good day for the versa store, they will definitely get 3 dollars

so that there is a discount, they will be happy all the time the rest of their lives, that they threw off a dollar, they will pay with a card and leave, why am i saying this, so that it is clear why the saleswoman remembered the following for the rest of her life, ties hang 25 m long, two rows, like on beams, he tells her, he says, these four , these like this and the last 4 m, the saleswoman is all. there are 47 ties on her hand, she hung them on her hand, and i wonder why she wasn’t surprised, because this is not, so to speak, a very unusual situation for a saleswoman, then i realized why she wasn’t surprised when she she asked a question, having hung all this up, what will the gentleman take from this, it cannot occur to her that he will take all this, my business is small, i translate, they say he is interested in what you will take, he says, is she a fool? i ’ll take everything, i say: that’s it, she says, how’s

everything? i say, well, that’s it. she will ask: how will he pay, keep in mind which card, because not every card has a limit for such an amount? i’ll transfer it to you, how will you pay? he doesn’t understand the question at all, so for our man there are two forms of payment, this is in kind. he turned purple and said what does he want from me? i say: do you have a card? he says: i don’t have a photo card, i transfer it to her without getting anything from him, i’m already transferring cash to her from myself, here i need to describe her eyes, have you ever seen the eyes of a deep-sea crab, they have a periscope effect, she has these eyes of hats are 2 cm, just like that, she says like cash, she says where is this gentleman from? she asks me: what feeling of pride did i

experience? answering her, he is from the city of hanteman city, she asks me, is it such a rich country, and for her it’s already hantemansisk, monte carlo - it’s somewhere nearby, so to speak, she’s no longer listening to me, because her gaze just slides past me and is riveted on his hands, our sidekick. now you, too , will experience a feeling of extraordinary pride for our people, our sidekick from the city of khantimation pulled out such a briquette of hundred dollar bills from his pocket, feel the next part of the phrase and you will feel real pride, tied with a rubber band, she didn’t know that their american pfu dollars can be wear in rubber bands from old hair curlers. she cannot tear herself away from this sight,

because he, having slobbered on his finger, with the speed of a machine, began to slobber on this thing, when she saw this movement, she wanted to leave, it became the city of her dreams, listen, well, you really want what it is for the story?

a woman came out of the elevator and, in general, it was no laughing matter, because he hit her, we took her from klefosovsky, it’s a shame, because they really are fools, yes, but not hooligans and... i call the klifosovsky department, i say, can help, i need to have such and such, but they tell me it’s not there, i say, why? he says to me, we took her to a madhouse, in what sense, why, why? and my sister answers me, because, understand, when asked what happened to her, she said that when she was getting out of the elevator,

a drunken yakubovich skied down the stairs on her skis, a drunken zadornov drove her away, of course, mish, you didn’t try again after this incident, skiing from the stairs? no, that's it, that's it, today i'm a mass worker for money, get ready, we have a competition, today, whoever drinks more, i’ll contact you right away, who wants to drink, well, men, there are men, come out, and the man is the one who wants to drink, come on, there’s one, there’s one, we need more, squeeze, you should run, not walk, here, here, run, run, run, run, like that. i really said it wrong, no one will drink more, who will drink faster, i was mistaken, and as you understand, it’s a cow year, so we’ll have to drink milk, i ask you to take out the milk, and you and you are happy to laugh at your comrades, yes, at your friends , please take it out, so take it apart, the milk is charged

our artists, there is no pistol, so instead of firing a shot, that means one, two, well , quickly, quickly, well, who, who, who, faster, let's applaud, applaud, look what character means, yes, we've all already drunk , but he still finished it for free, he... so that he could finish it to the end, well, it’s free! he drank the first one, but firstly, he spilled half of it on himself, secondly, he splashed it on me, so we leave two, you sit down, thank you for your participation, you will be shown on tv, you will be a great success with your friends

after this, and we have a replay, and replay for us, please? more milk, replay, come on like a hussar, on the chest, on the chest, i demand on the chest, krigi not on the chest, come on, no, she demands on the main, at my signal, gentlemen, at my signal, one, two, misha , you will press, press, press, like that. so, what he just said, by the way, it’s good that it’s not a microphone, i heard it, he says, i’m drawn to this business, i swear, i’m not joking, i heard it, so, one, two,

let’s shoot, well, look what he does, there is. there is a winner, our winner, okay we’ll pour some more now, don’t worry, what’s your name, vasily, vasily, well done, your voice has changed a lot, when before this your voice was lower, now it’s kind of, vasily, you didn’t have an operation, you drank milk, come on, vasily, happily, so, so, please tell me, to whom do you dedicate your victory? oh, probably to this comrade who was next to me, completely alone, oh, i can’t, and to his wife, larisa will probably dedicate his victory to you, larisa, stand up, he fought so hard for you, you fed him well, second

the question is, how long did it take you to achieve this success? oh, you know, i never thought about such success. i was very, very glad that i just got on your show, i guess i should just go to your show more often, you said this phrase, i heard it behind you, i was standing there, it means that you always do with such enthusiasm what is disgusting to you, in general , in general, i love milk very much, please, the stage, win the prize, the prize for the studio and kubovich, take your happiness, your priest, i understand, this is your only real happiness, that’s it, happiness, you, please, give your wife a little drink, otherwise you are alone, and be happy here in the coming new year. my dears, i must say that sergei

drobatenko was very, very lucky in life; he went through the school of mikhail zadorny. seryozh, tell us how mikhail nikolaevich announced you in his concerts? he came out at the beginning of the concert, worked for 40 minutes, then said: i’m now going to release one young man on you.

and he could stand for quite a long time, so one day we came to a small town, he ended up doing a handstand, private hotel, the owner greets you personally, well, after all, such a star, and the owner of the hotel, she is a very good-natured woman, but very simple, very, her tongue is struggling for...

waiting to meet her idol, she has been in love with him since childhood, so now, now i’ll see him, i wonder if he’ll smile at me, no, what will he wear, at this time the master walks up to the second floor in his arms, her pupils are in the saucer, she looks at him instead of good afternoon and says: for... a long time to us, his mikhail nikolaevich

zadornov, there is a tradition that comes from mikhail nikolaevich, then it was picked up by ours generation, this certainly won’t end there, when yuris comes to some city, he usually has a notebook at hand, where he writes down everything funny that catches his eye, and we would like now... to share our notes, i with my own, mikhail nikolaevich, my own, i, as a student, grant you the rights to everywhere in our healthy, oh, i was recently given a textbook, it’s called the history of the ussr, from ancient times to the 18th century, and this is a bus station in kemerovo, i returned from a tour, lunch breaks before before entering the bus station, lunch breaks, 9:30, 10:30, 11:40, 12:30, 14:20, 15:20, 16:10, 40 working days until 17:00, i ask them, it won’t stick together, well, i also

read this at the bus station, this is clearly formulated, citizens, passengers, the bus on arrival is late due to being late, i was once again amazed by a woman’s fantasy, we are approaching sevastopol and in front of the city a rural shop is closed, there is an advertisement on the door, apparently written to the saleswoman, well, i never tire of admiring the sense of humor of women, but... it happened all my expectations, the inscription is ingenious, went to the base, i’ll come when i return, feodosia, regular bus, next to the driver’s cabin there is an announcement, if he wrote it himself, he needs to write poems, just worthy of byron’s pen, whoever takes tickets at the box office walks along highway, i have such a series in my notebook, i have such a section, such a file, only in russia, this is only in russia, in the zoo they could write that it is prohibited to give a bear alcoholic drinks, yes, but

then it’s old. and you still have so much strength, quietly, quietly, parody yourself, quietly, an advertisement that hangs in the city of kirishe at the entrance to a local disco, in a drunken state, this is the difference, this is the difference for russians, and the following is prohibited, entry, entry, crawling, take-off, in-flight, teleportation, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet , quiet, quiet, and the penultimate sign in the urologist’s office. just come in, you don’t have to show off, in odissa there are scales on the embankment, everyone can weigh themselves, a rather large girl gets on the scale, stands up, looks at the needle in horror, says something is a lot, then steps off the scale,

takes off his jacket, stands on the scales, holding the jacket in his hand, thank god, their scales are wrong, and now the male approach, a completely different story, a rather plump man stands on the scales, stands up, sucks in his stomach, well, we always want to seem a little slimmer, next to the wife, who can’t help but comment, says, lord, do you think this will help you, the answer is amazing, of course it will help, i don’t see the numbers otherwise, one girl wrote me a letter, everything happened exactly, as if according to your scenario, such a russian story, i she writes to me very much, she loves her husband and i’m afraid of him, already in russian, well, she’s still afraid, she loves him, he let me go to a bachelorette party, told me to come back at 12:00 at night, and the girls and i got drunk and i missed it, she returned at 4:00 in the morning, and she wrote to us, a cuckoo clock. my husband

sleeps lightly, what she did next could only come to the mind of a russian woman, she decided to crow herself 12 times, quietly, quietly, let me finish, and i can’t finish, she’s still writing, i came closer to my husband, okay, yes, my husband did... he says he didn’t understand anything, in the morning everything is calm, and the husband, here she writes, i feel he is suffering, so as not to say anything, i can imagine what will happen to you now in general, he endured, endured, then he could not stand it, he says: you know, dear, we urgently need to change the cuckoo in hours, but wait, this is not the ending, yesterday, when you came, i heard

the cuckoo crow four times first. then she said, damn it, she cuckooed twice, choked, cuckooed twice, giggled, and stepped on the cat’s tail. collapsed on the floor with a crash and crowed 17 times, sorry, everyone, who is your strictest critic? in general, i must say that the most severe critic for me is my mother, and i

will explain why, my mother has a good upbringing. noble, and there are things that i can’t read to her, i don’t feel comfortable with pop ones, yes, then i understand that i’m wrong here, that this needs to be crossed out, these fragments need to be crossed out, that is, if i can’t read it to my mother, it means i did something bad, you don’t even have to read it, it’s just so to speak, so you do it speculatively, maybe a person wrote to me from intensive care and the first one... forced me to read his letter to the end, because it sounded very intriguing, i am writing to you from the intensive care unit, chuckling at myself when i think how i got here, the picture is already quite nice, a man on a drip, this one is shaking and still thinking about something, he decided, he decided to build an extension to his house, well, made of bricks, also in some

provincial squiggle like this... there were loose bricks walking, on the sixth floor of an unfinished house, oh, how much energy a russian peasant has, yes, why should he drive back and forth for bricks 300 times for your own extension, you need to give it to him due, he studied the situation, observed, it turns out that the workers had long ago stolen the winch themselves and were lifting the bricks with a barrel, a purely russian device, this is untranslatable into any language in the world, they tied the barrel.

hysterical, he writes: it was getting dark. i chose the stronger right hand, tied the cable, decided to pull it up and untied the end, well

, it was getting dark, i told you, since the barrel was much heavier than him, well, there’s nothing to tell, it was getting dark, it wasn’t getting dark, but he began to ascend, well, ha ha, beauty, the sunset soared over the trees, it was getting dark, apparently, anyone with a backdrop, he did not notice how, flying past the third floor, he met a barrel, where would he go, they fly along the same vertical, it knocked off his upper body, with russian resourcefulness he somehow dodged something, that’s it, he flew on and writes: he thought it was the end, that’s it, flying up to the block, he crossed himself with his left hand with his free hand, he doesn’t know the law of physics at all, apparently, because they exist, and the length of the cable

is of course, that is, at that time the barrel flew to the ground, hit the ground, from hitting the bottom the bricks flew out, she became lighter. and this poor guy instantly flew back at the same speed, it was getting dark and you know, that’s who spends the evening, you go to a concert, and this showdown with bricks began to play catch-up, flying past the third floor, he met with the lower half of his body... . with a barrel, it knocked off everything that was left for him, finally, everything fell on the bricks, his own, privatized, you can build, but there is nothing,

he writes, he passed out from the blow, i’m afraid to tell you further, when i woke up, his quote from the letter, can you imagine what? it happened to me how... it began, it was no longer dark, wait, wait, let me finish, the moon has risen, well, the poet, he’s still admiring it all in the moonlight, i’m really afraid to continue telling you, because what follows is his phrase: the first thing that came i wonder what kind of cable i wound around my hand? and he rewinded it, suddenly he wrote: with a mysterious grinding sound

a shadow flew towards me, finally the barrel fell on him, he passed out and ended up in intensive care, and well , in what country could this be? on the day of the navy, two short, one long, hurray, hurray, the sea spread wide i went around. my favorite hikes were in the arctic, i’m sitting, tears welling up in my eyes, songs from the bottom of my heart, andrei malakovich’s holiday show, today on rtr, bright sunlight bothers you, are you afraid of harmful ultraviolet radiation? the bright

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you have to be a yogi to sit in such a position, smoke, tuck your leg under you, sit and write poetry, and in 15 minutes he wrote poems that today not a single text writer, not a single text writer would write for a wedding. the windows are covered in white snow, dressed as if in a white cuff, and the houses solemn, upright, majestic, like the bride’s relatives at a wedding, the roses were frozen in cellophane, we kissed each other, the guests drank, and the cat purred brightly and sleepily,

mendelssohn’s wedding marches, what, what precision of the sound writing , even, and of course, after that the rhymes are so, how they, they pro... knock it out of the body, we were all a little in love with the vores, yeah, she married kolya burlyaev, how lenya then composed a quadruple in one moment, in one puff, it was like that for a long time, and gave it away, and how much life is in full swing, and ours howls fool, everything i remember with him is all fun, not a single sad memory, we are standing in the kindergarten, moscow polenovsky yard, the objects of my dreams were laid out on the bench, this is a bottle of vodka, and i knew how to pour it into gurgles, i could with my eyes closed pour the glasses almost evenly into the boules, in my opinion there should have been 23 boules for each glass,

in my opinion, i could be wrong, for three, when for three, and the cheese, friendship cost 14 kopecks, you even remember the price, yes that. .. a thing is never forgotten, it’s sacred, suddenly a girl comes out of the entrance, how beautiful she is, maybe she wasn’t so beautiful, but she seemed beautiful to us then, firstly, she was wearing a patent leather coat, and it was very cool, there wasn’t even such a word as cool, it was for russia in general, a leather coat is tied very tightly with a belt, such an hourglass goes like this, and patent leather boots above the knees, my god, well... how could this appear at that time, at that very soviet time, it was probably a forza some kind of thing, we froze, it was such a freeze frame, we look at her like this enchanted, following with her eyes, elenya then wonderfully said, i still,

when someone plunges me into this same state again, i remember this cheese, she walked like that, looking at us, what a cheese of friendship, what 14 kopecks, here this is...

the poetry is especially great, because before that he had not been to russia for 10 years, he read great, he even went out into the hall, for the first time i saw how, well, the poet came out at 6.00 people, he came out to them, they told him his poems, his poems, he stopped, they continued, it was great, it was very great, there was quite a lot young people, but some came because the offense was mine, sorry, mug, well , in russian it’s a brand, now in russian it’s a brand, mug is a brand, they think... a completely unexpected turn, 3 months have passed, summer, kinotavr, party, and we are having breakfast on the beach in the morning with ivtushenko, it so happens that we were in sochi together at the same time,

yarmolnik is also with us, we are sitting, delicious, beautiful, almost sunrise, that is, an hour, one o’clock in the afternoon, for us it's sunrise, sunrise, and suddenly two girls come up. so, so very fashionable, as i would say today, blondeosaurs, oh, new word, they call me back, they recognize yarmolnik, they recognize me, they don’t recognize yavtushenko, and they tell me, can you, i got up like that, they, yavtushenko is sitting here, they tell me, you know, we were at your concert, yeah, we liked it so much, i ask what concert, they say, well, you performed in the kremlin with this poet grandfather, that’s what they say about grandfather, poetry, but one of them says: you know, i didn’t even think that such poems were cool and

they may be cool, but grandfather, she continues to call my friend sitting next to him grandfather, and my grandfather talked about master margarita, i was so intrigued, this is the power of great art, i was so intrigued, she said that after this concert the next day i went to the store and bought master margarita. i read it, i read it, and i liked it so much, thank you, tell this grandfather, he says, yes, and at that time he was ashoning the ermolnik, he sits like this, his chicken leg froze when entering his mouth, and he had a pigtail, the pigtail rose, and he looks at me like that and says, mish, tell me honestly, you wrote the text for them just now, but the girl doesn’t catch humor, her brain remains clear, she continues, she talks, and i also bought marquez 100 years of singles.

i am that grandfather, i understood everything, i said, sit down, girls, they were not confused, confused, confused, then - but yevtushenko is a real poet, and he told them, i wrote new poems and read poems about love, sitting at the table in the morning on the beach, to two girls who generally believed that tsvetaeva was a text writer, and their eyes lit up, they left with lighters in their eyes, because... it’s because yarmolnik was witty, and his grandfather was poetic and romantic, and fervor, and so

declared announced it, it would be charming, i was enveloped in charm and fervor, naturally, otherwise, a lot has really turned out great in my life and there is, there is a russian proverb, everyone knows it, who is early he gets up, god willing, i get up early, but i have a friend. many people saw him on television, he is quite a rich man, he called me in america, he called me here, he said: i know that you are flying on business, and i wanted to stay with him for 2 days, in such cases a russian should give something, i him i’m asking what to give you, but i understand that he doesn’t need a matryoshka doll and nonsense. what, he tells me, i’m building a bathhouse, they don’t have russian bathhouses, i miss you so much, bring two

brooms, he tells me, birch brooms, fresh ones, ha ha ha, yeah, but i don’t understand how it will all end , took two reeds, put them in a diplomat, flew to america, and our customs officer got caught, here’s an unintelligent man, doesn’t know me, i’m for him, here i am for him... i’m for him, you know, i’m his face, this way and that, well, no finds out everything, begins, there is gold, it is, it is me, i say, no, he says, open it, i realized that i was in trouble, i open it, there are two brooms lying there, he looked for a long time, he has seen a lot in his life, but for a man to fly with two brooms, after he has seen enough that's enough, he asked the stupidest question i've ever heard in my life, he asked: what is this ? to which i received an equally intelligent answer. “i

say: these are two brooms for the bath,” i told him. he didn’t believe me, called our officer, he came and they discussed in front of me: should i tear off the leaves or not tear off the leaves? after which the officer, of course, me, but the officer turned out to be intelligent, he knew me, he laughed, said goodbye to me, said: that’s it, come on in, said goodbye: i wish you happiness on the american border, i thought that these were wishes, that this was such a luxurious just kidding, i didn’t expect it, i realized it, when i actually got in line i ended up with an american customs officer, but if a person flying out with a diplomat in russia arouses suspicion, then the americans have double suspicion from russia with a diplomat, he says open up, i understood everything, i opened it, there they are two birch brooms, he looked longer than

we did, after which he asked the same stupid question, what is this? what is it, but at least ours saw it once, the american doesn’t understand what the matter is at all, and i realized that i don’t know what to answer, firstly, i don’t speak english well enough to explain what answer two brooms, this word has a different meaning, i tell him, two bushes, i tell him, he says, two bushes, and you know, the eyes are like a ball and a pen, hop in the money changers. so they say the pupils grabbed me right like that, i say, two bush, he says, for what? but honestly, i say, for the bath. and he was so wary and there was a good reaction, he says to the whole line: don’t take a turn with me anymore, i realized that this will take a long time, he says: two bushes for a bathhouse, he is already beginning to doubt

my normality, simply because the person has arrived plant bushes in the bathhouse, he says: why? i say, this is it... and i understand that with every word i am drawn in, that you can’t talk to them, but i feel they don’t have enough humor, he says, and you are a masochist, he me asks, i say, we have the whole country, here, he says, you, you have everything, they say, i say, no, i brought it for a friend, he says, for a friend. i say, yes, i’ll be there, in the bathhouse, he says: he’s a masochist, and you sit down, that means they took me to their officer’s room too, i told them for a long time what two bushes are for a bathhouse, they called radzievsky, they asked what your friend brought, he said two bushes for the bathhouse, that’s it, they agreed, they let me through, good morning, i had breakfast,

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to order now, you will get an incredible 20 euro discount, and the livington dipper swieper will get you for an incredible 69,995, but hurry, the offer is strictly limited. misha, i want to give you a compliment, don’t scare me, you were very scared, not very much, not very much, but this is a compliment, i’m here in your book, don’t let yourself dry out, i found some kind of memoir chapter that talks about interesting people whom everyone knows, loves, respects, but, but knows as if from afar, and you just remember meetings with these people, and you know what i... especially liked, well, the authors of memoirs in their works often, mostly talk about their loved ones, so you took a different path, you tell everything -about

people who are very, very interesting to everyone, and not about yourself. i’m very pleased that you noticed this, no one has ever told me this, my life has turned out great, and indeed i knew, and still know, people who are not just famous, that’s not enough, so... i’m proud to know you with people, famous, smart and witty, please, i really, you know, liked this book, just the story about, or rather the sketch about shirlinka, yes, this is a sketch, we flew from cologne, shirvin derzhavin, roxana boboyan, zhvanetsky, me, someone else - it was, i don’t remember now, we were sitting on the same plane together, and everyone was bragging about who bought what, well, the beginning of the nineties, the first currency, i had 300.

ours says, no, it’s just the two of us, let’s hurry up and have a drink, she’s gone , came back, brought 10 drinks, our slap, slap, slap, quickly, they called her over and said, come here and look.

juggles drinks, the entire staff of the restaurants came out, the owner came out, shook our hands, said: you are such clients, by the way, he says to ours, keep in mind that in our restaurant every fourth trim is free, ours found out about this, they said: well , repeat, don’t touch the salad, when we were sitting in one and a half liters, i don’t know what will happen to you now... but when we were sitting in one and a half liters, now you will feel even more proud of ours, the owner says: i called a limousine at your own expense, you are such clients, i i want you to always come to me, that’s it, i called you a limousine at my own expense, we’re ready, our people say, don’t, we’re driving, watch our people drive off on their last journey, the entire staff of the restaurant came out, listen, they can’t do this

normal people laugh.

that is, check on the computer, breathe, the american takes out the last miracle of american science and technology, this computerized pipe, please, ours goes for the last trick, that is , you know, as soon as ours can breathe through their nose like that, this is it, this is when i’m drunk from kindergarten came, i breathed on my mother, like that too, ours, wait, i really don’t know what will happen to you, because some people’s mouths open, there is no sound, but i, i think, even they are making a sound now, the american looks at the display on which the answer popped up, ready, take a deep breath in your chest, it says corpse, the policeman’s armpit hair even began to move from this, ours asks, what is it, the policeman says, look

what’s here, ours says, your device is so selective, look, am i a trope? i’m talking, i’m not a corpse, but there’s a corpse, you ’re insulting me, i’ll complain about you, he got scared, let our guy go with an apology, the second one, the second one is stopped by a policeman on the road, our guy says, come here, give me the pipe, he says: well, what? , dead body? then he says: how do you know? he says to us: everyone’s appliances are damaged, i’ll complain about you, you’re insulting me, am i a corpse to you? the policeman didn’t believe it, contacted the previous one, and asked, did you stop the corpse? for the moral damage caused to our people were carried out

to the house. regina dubovitskaya was in the hospital for quite a long time, she had a serious injury, i went to visit her, and this was just before she was discharged, she sent a nanny to meet me at the entrance so that i would not get lost in all sorts of these corridors, the nanny was coming, and the doctors in general they don’t know what they are saying, she tells me: oh, it’s so great that regina came to us, there are so many famous people, it’s a pity, of course, that she recovered, it’s just a monologue like this, yes, i say, you yourself understand that you are now carry it, she says, what is it? well, of course, we will be sad, well, it’s okay, you know... maybe they’ll admit you in time, the doctor told regina, this regina herself told me, the doctor came and said: i know that you are suffering, it’s hard for you, well, no, no it’s scary, regina, you don’t have long left,

the saleswoman in the store where i often come, in the grocery store, gave me a note, a nine-year-old boy gave it to her, but this too, but here, a respected salesman, a nine-year-old boy passed this note and... gave: dear seller, i beg you sell my little son a liter bottle of beer, i can’t write further, i’m dying of a hangover, dad, the inscription on the rostov-on-don bus, you can cheat on your wife, you haven’t seen your friends for many years, but not to pay the fare, there’s no worse sin in the world, an advertisement on a kiosk ? with a grill and hot dogs, an urgent need for a woman under 40 years old to grill, a women's atelier is inviting a man who can iron a spanking to work,

on a cage with monkeys in a pet store, don't knock, they won't open it for you, the pushkin restaurant, there is a detail next to me, accepts orders on the phone i hear a woman’s voice on the phone asking: how can i get to you? he naturally asks her a question: where are you going? she is indignant, where from where from the house? and i got a call at the apartment, a question: a female voice: do you happen to know where i ended up? the cashier at the aeroflot ticket office asks me, customer, what class do you want to fly, business or economy? she asks: which one is faster? a drunk man climbs onto a bus in zelenograd, he pushes them aside, gets in, and says to him: man, go away, go away, next one the bus is driving empty, he says: i can’t, i ’m falling empty, i’m wearing a shoe, tell me, the woman

asks, do you have sneakers for the seventh grade? tykov... then you ask, can you be more specific? ready, ready? on the seventh, well now, friends, i want to show you some footage that i simply cannot help but show today, because this is mikhail zadorny’s advice to all of us. dad, when i was studying in moscow, sent me every week 2 rubles for 7, 14 rubles... why every week? a because he knew that as soon as he sent me some amount, i would immediately give it away so that i could at least eat once a week, because if he sent me 60 rubles once a month, i would eat once a month, and so at least once a week, maybe even two, so he sent me

a week, so i received my next 14 rubles, and somehow filatov and i were hanging around moscow again, looking for another interesting film, we were walking down the street named after gorky is now tver. no, well, maybe it wasn’t on the first day when i got it, maybe i already ate before that, but then we went for a walk with him, quite possibly, not really at the right time, but the main thing was to warm up, suddenly filato said: look, there is somewhere to warm up, there is an exhibition hall where there is a tyus, and it was written there: above the exhibition hall there is an exhibition of the karakalpak ussr, literally that’s all that was there, everything in the karokalpak was all on display, he says, let’s go and warm up there, a ticket is 10 kopecks, and you would have, and we have 20, there’s something to do with 20

kopecks, to warm up for something useful, the duty officer , review book, that's it, not a single person, not a single review in this review book, there there was no one, she says, she’s so with... and we have special respect, we have to look at everything carefully at that age, which makes us interested in the painted floats of karokolpak fishermen, in the end, when it didn’t even occur to us that you’re just that we we are warming ourselves with the last money we have, when we looked at everything, we warmed up, filadov spoke brightly, his eyes began to play brightly. says, let's write a review, i say, come on, i would give a lot today, i would give everything i have to get this review back, what what did you write? i’ll soften one word, okay, although after

modern youth humor programs appeared, i could say this word, but i ’ll soften it slightly, but everyone will understand that we wrote, it wasn’t me, filatov, who wrote it, diagonally, on on the first page of the review book, lenya writes, it’s awesome, and puts three exclamation marks, that wouldn’t be so bad, but regina, we put our last names, leonid fillatov. time, regardless of politics and system, life today i must say that you can live in any and youth is fucking awesome, why i urge everyone, awesomeness should be in every person, this can be achieved... a sense of humor can help with this.

hello on the rossiya vesti tv channel, in the irina rossius studio and the main topics for this hour. congratulations on navy day. vladimir putin took part in the main naval parade in st. petersburg. russia is preparing a response to the deployment of american missiles in germany.