step two, baconated cheese for awesome. step three, get ready to wow. step four... mmmmm. ♪ [ male announcer ] pillsbury crescents. make the holidays pop. he loves me. he loves me not. he loves me. he loves me not. ♪ he loves me! that's right. [ mom ] warm and flaky in 15, everyone loves pillsbury grands! [ girl ] make dinner pop!

okay, you guys go strait upstairs --ury grands! go right to the bath. don't touch anything. hi, dears. hi, grandma. hi. welcome back, debra. how was your camping vacation? what's going on? raymond said you weren't getting back until tomorrow. yeah, i know, but between the rain and the bugs and the kids going nuts, decided we had enough vacation. is he in the office? hi, hi. oh, you're all muddy. what are you doing, ray? okay, all right, listen, i-i know what you're thinking -- really? then why aren't you protecting yourself? listen, i finished, okay? i ended up working through the night, this morning i was able to knock off the second,

then i faxed it over to the guy. raymond worked very hard so he could get it all done so he could haveso- like you. ray, after everything we discussed, how could you go out -- [ telephone rings ] yeah, hello. yeah, this is me. i got to take this. i'm sorry. hello. oh, hi, robbie. you want some angel food cake and chocolate sauce? of course. listen, i have some news -- hey, how come he got so much chocolate sauce? you got the same amount. no, no, no. look at all that chocolate sauce. you told me i couldn't have 'cause you didn't have enough, huh? you told i get two drops,ve and he gets a river. it's a lake. look how much he gets. how do you explain that? what, are you messing with my head?

well, i can't mess with your hair. all right, listen, um, i wanted you guys to know -- ray, i just want to understand one thing -- why is it your mission in life to avoid spending time with your family? that was my agent. he said the publisher read my stuff, and they decided they don't want me to write the book. oh, ray, i'm sorry. i-i don't understand. what happened? i don't know, ma. guess they didn't think it was good. were there spelling errors? it's the yankees. how can you screw that up? n't know. hey, i'm -- i'm sorry, raymond. obviously this is a-a bad time. i'm just going to take my cake and go home.

did you need something, robert? oh, no, no. it's nothing. what's the matter, robbie? no -- no, really. it can wait. it's nothing. what the hell is wrong with you? i... i made lieutenant. [ all gasp ] i passed the test. i-i'm going to have to wait till somebody retires, but they're going to promote me. oh -- oh, wow. congratulations, robert. that is great. thank you. uh, yeah, hey, uh, way to go there, son. lieutenant. at's really up there.

it's very -- very exciting news, robbie. it's very exciting. my son -- a lieutenant. oh, i am so happy for you. this is really great, robert. isn't it, ray? yeah. it's great. listen... i want his chocolate sauce.

over the age of three have gum disease? so give your dog dentastix® part of their oral care routine. dentastix® treats have a unique texture that's clinally proven to reduce up to 80% of tartar buildup. smile, it's dentastix® time! up to 80% of tartar buildup. it's an opportunitye to stop and savor, the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious. enough plastic water bottles to stretch around the earth over 190 times. each brita filtecan ke up to 300 of those bottles out of the equation.

[announcer]your life is hectic ubut add the business of life paperwork, taxes and bills

and things get exponentially more complicated. and if you own your own business, you've got invoices, employees, customers and sales to deal with. but you don't have to solve it by yourself. at intuit, we make tools to help simplify it all, so you can concentrate on what matters most. intuit. simplify the business of life. you goin straight to bed? you're not going to watch tv or read or anything?

i can't write. why should i read? i mean, what's the point really, huh? what is the point? are you finished? if you're referring to my writing career -- all right, all right. look, honey, i know you feel bad, and i'm sorry your book is not coming out, but you've got a great job and a family who loves you. that's what you always say. oh, okay, fine. that's it. i'm done. you just mope away, mopey. hey, look, you don't understand. i know you want to write a book,. and you will, and you can dedicate it to your ex-wife who couldn't take your crap any longer. yeah. that's great, that's great. funny.

why don't you share a laugh over that with your boyfriend robert? oh, right. so that's it -robert. that's what this is all about. no! did you see him yesterday, huh, just flaunting his big news right in the middle of my horrible cri-- time? he didn't flaunt it, ray. we -- we practically had to force him to tell us. oh, yeah? did you force that big stupid smile on his huge clown face? you're nuts. yeah, and then -- then you go showering him with fancy gifts. it was a sweater, and it's from both of us. yeah, well, i hope it's itchy, 'cause that's the part from me. you know, robert never gets anything, and the one time that he does, what do you do? you slam the table and you walk out of the room,

you big baby. yeah, i'm a baby, and you're a baby marrier. all right, i slammed the table. so? here's what's going to happen. you're going to go over there tomorrow and congratulate robert on his success so you can look in the mirror and maybe see an adult. hey, at least i don't see what robert sees when he looks in the mirror -- a stupid giant with a new sweater that looks like yarn...vomit. i can't even write my own talk. hey, what are you doing? hey, i'm watching golf.

mom and dad aren't here, and i found bugles. you like that sweater, huh? oh, i love it. by the way, thanks a lot, raymond. yeah, yeah. yeah, you're welcome. listen, uh... i wanted to tell you -- congratulations on your promotion, you know? that was really something. thank you, raymond. thank you very much. i didn't get a chance to telyou with all the hoopla. sure. i understand. by the way, i'm sorry about your book thing. yeah. it's a tough break. yeah. bugle? yeah, bugle. oh, what a shot. i tell you, garcia has been hot. yep.

hey, we should go golfing again soon. sure. that was fun the last time. what did you shoot? 93. oh, that's right, 'cause i think i shot an 83. i was 10 strokes better than you. hey, if you want, you know, thnext time we go, i could give you some pointers on your putting. and i can give you some pointers on your drives. so we'll go golfing then. yes, we will.

5 bucks if you make it in. 5 bucks. you're on. wait a minute, wait a minute. let's make this interesting. i mean, it's for 5 bucks. all right. 5 bucks. you owe me 5 bucks. right. no, you said 5 bucks if you make it in, like whoever makes it in gets the money. that's not what i said. no, but that's what it means. you're going to change it now? first one to get it in makes 5 bucks. well, that's what i thought it was. let's go. ha ha! 5 bucks, sucker! no, no, no! that's cheating! you cheated! you got to throw one at a time! that was never established. that's cheating! you owe me 5 bucks.

we're even, all right? 'cause you owe me 5 bucks from before when you missed it, okay? no, no, no. you know what? we're not. you're right. i st both times. here's 10 bucks. it's not right that you lose everything this week. there it is! i knew it! what? you've been rubbing it in my face! like you haven't been doing that to me for 40 years? how long are you going to sing that song? you've been acting like a jerk. who was the one who instead of saying, "i'm happy for you," threw a hissy fit and stormed out? for your information, if you remember, i said, "great," okay? all right? and if i was upset, i had a reason to, okay? 'cause you waited until my lifetime dream got crushed before you made your big announcement. well, how did it feel? i hope it felt really bad. i hope it felt the same way you make me feel every time you prance over to mom and dad's to telth about one of your accomplishments.

hey, if i do that, it's because up until now nobody else had accomplishments. well, now someone does, and that's got to be killing you, huh, ray? shut up. you know, 'cause i was thinking, ray, that a lot of books get published that suck, so for your book not to get published -- whoo, that's got to be off-the-charts suck. you ripped my sweater. good. by the way, the itchy part is from me. [ hits piano keys ] aah!

you give, you give? no! you give! h! aah! come off, baby, come off, baby! let it go, let it go! come off -- come on off, baby! come off! oh, god, no, no! smell it! aah! you smell it, you smell it! huh? who's smelling it? i don't mind. smells like victory! here's your bugles! aah, aah! oh, my god what's going on here? oh, oh, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it! damn it! baby! hey, those are my bugles.

good thing your mother is here. yeah, right. a whole box of bugles. look at this carpet... and -- and the lamp. this is why we can't have nice things. oh, look, everybody makes a mess, and i have to fix it up. all the time, i fix it -- all the time. ooh! oh, oh, oh, oh, my back, my back, my back! oh. oh -- ow, myeck thing. you two idiots! i hope you're happy! i have to eat funyuns now! marie, funyuns! [ both groaning ]

we are like idiots. we have to stop this, you know? debra's right. this competing -- it's stupid... and your feet stink. i don't want to compete with you, man. no, seriously, your feet. you can't smell that? why are we like this? where does this come from? i don't know. look at this place. i just want to say something. you disappoint me -- the both of you.

sorry, mom. i'm sorry, too. and you especially, robbie. me? why? because you should know better. you're the older one. it's true. you should set an example. hands for holding. feet, kicking. better things than the joint pain and swelling of moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis. if you're trying to manage your ra, now may be the time to ask about xeljanz. xeljanz (tofacitinib) is a small pill

for adults with moderate to severe ra for whom methotrexate did not work well. xeljanz can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers have happened in patients taking xeljanz. don't start taking xeljanz if you have any kind of infection, unless ok with your doctor. tears in the stomach or intestines, low blood cell counts and higher liver tests and cholesterol levels have happened. your doctor should perform blood tests, including certain liver tests, before you start and while yo are takinxeljz. tell your doctor if you ve bn regn where certain fungal infections are common a if you have had tb, hepatitis b or c, or are pro to infections. tell your doctor about all the medices you take, and if you are pregnant, or plan to be. taken twice daily, xeljanz can reduce the joint pain and swelling even without methotrexate. ask if xeljanz is right for you.

even without methotrexate. for mcdona's new jalapeno kicker sandwiches. brace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. now through thursday, buy one jalapeno kicker quarter pounder or premium chicken sandwich, and get a free medium fries and soft drink. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪

shh. shh.

what's the score? ray: it's tied. captioning made possible by talk productions

wait, ma, the garinis are going to be there? oh, god. what's wrong there, cubby? uh, forget it. nothing. it's stupid. i'm su it is. let's hear it. i know what it's about. raymond and elizabeth garini had a thing back in high school. oh, really? it wasn't a thing. it was one date. well, it cou he been a thing. elizabeth had a big crush on you, but you were so picky... back then.

so, tell me about this girl, ray. she went to a different high school. they were having their winter dance thing. and i heard that elizabeth thought he was cute and wanted to invite him. was she the blind girl? how would you know, huh?

you were home in your footsie pajamas asking mom for more pudding. i just remember mom saying, in your footsie pajamas "if elizabeth garini asks you, you should go. it'll be fun." oh, so your mom was pimping for you. i don't like that, debra. so, elizabeth calls me and -- and asks me and, you know, what am i going to do? i kind of feel sorry for her, so i-i say yes. then when we were at the dance, it started to snow and i had dad's car. i didn't want anything to happen to it. damn straight. so we get to her house and i... what? what did you do to the car? nothing, dad. tell me now. stop the lies! nothing happened to the car, okay? we were stopped in front of her parents' house, and she was saying she had a nice time and all that, but all i can think about is getting the car back to the maniac here.

damn straight. so we're just sitting there and then finally elizabeth says, "okay. bye." and she gets out and walks to her door in the snow...by herself. i didn't walk her to the door. there she was... all by herself, fancy dress, high heels, wobbling up the driveway. so did you call her and apologize? i wanted to, but...then i didn't, and i kept putting it off, and then a few days later it was too late, so i just -- i never talked to her again. you would have been so good together. whoa, whoa -- is that her? who? where? uh, wait, no. it's an old man with a walker.

sorry. my mistake. you love this, don't you? i'm afraid i do, yes. just so you know, there's a part of me that thinks it would be good if she was here. yeah, just face this thing head-on. okhow about that? there she is! uh, nope, sorry,tha. oh, hey, look, there's our table. marie, frank, we're over here. okay. hey there, tablemates. how are you doing? i'm harry armon. this is my wife marci. what are you so happy about? don't you see this table placement is an insult? they stuck us in the corner by the kitchen. come on. it's fine, frank. no, it's not fine. we're at table 19 out of 20 tables, and table 20 is filled with embarrassing fami nut-jobs. no offense.

so, three couples and me. on this joyousay of love and togetherness, the cheese stands alone. you're not alone. you have us. super. hey, robert, don't look now. that woman's giving you the eye. oh, no, it's the finger. sorry. hey, ray, let's dance. no, come on. we just got here. come on. one song. i can't dance. i didn't eat. i'll faint. you danced with that elizabeth. you can dance with me. let's go. my father's going to eat your salad. all right. you got, like, a fuzzy in your hair. you got a whole bunch of them. would you please... please stop grooming me. okay. sorry i care about you.

raymond? hi, it's elizabeth... garini. elizabeth ga-who? garini, from the neighborhood. oh, yes. yeah, hi. hi, nice to see you. okay. take care. hi, i'm debra, ray's wife. nice to meet you. this is my husband scott. hey, how ya doin'? okay. yeah. all right, well, goodbye. good to see you. have fun. oh, very smooth, ray. it's just -- i don't -- it was a shock to see her. yeah, well, she was really broken up about you not walking her to the door. seriously? did you pick up on that? come on, don't joke around! honey, she was fine. she came up to you. you can stop obsessing now. you're right. you're right, she came up to me. okay. good.

huh. what? i should have brought up the incident and apologized. so do it. really? no. yeah? no. you are so annoying! no, i haven't had time torepa my remarks. you've had 25 years. hi again. we've got to stop meeting like this. okay. you know what? i'll bet you probably don't even remember this. we wt out one time. of course. i remember. yeah? hey, don't worry, man. nothing happened. that must have been, like, 25 years ago. yeah, i think it was. i think -- i think it was snowing back then. it was! it was snowing because i remember i was nervous about the car, and something -- there was -- what happened? somebody didn't walk somebody...