my pillow. debr debra. what? does your father shower before he goes to bed? i don't know. we have to get a new bed. would you just go to sleep? my goodness, you should be happy to have some normal people in the house for a change. hey, say what you want about my father,

he's never been naked in our bed. except for that one super bowl. you told me he was wearing underwear. just socks. we got to get a new bed. where are you going? thirsty. you know, if you listen real careful, you can hear my pillow screaming. everybody's getting naked iny bed except me. i am getting something to drink. warren: well, you have to do the homework.

i was doing the homework, commandant. no, u weren't doing it right. the binder says to list our partner's positive qualities with exales. now, have you done any of that? fine. warren is very, very good at being controlling. controlling has two l's. let me see what else you wrote. get away from me. lois, show me what you wrote. i don't want to look ridiculous this week. that's right. all you care about is how you look. i don't even want to go to this thing. why can't we just go to baden-baden like we told everybody? well, maybe it's what i need right now. this thing is going to be a waste of time. you are so damned negative. you don't think we need a little help? what about the sex? i am not withholding s from you. i am tired. can't i ever be tired? is that allowed?

well, i'm never too tired. put that on the list. that's a gooquality. oh, you'd like for everyone to see that, wouldn't you? what? all of a sudden discussing our sex life is verboten? ugh. that face. what face? your language face. verboten. oosbach. i never made that face. you have a face for everything. here is your "how is my hair?" ce. oh, and my favorite -- "we're out of vermouth?" i need the vermouth to put up with your phoniness. "oh, we're off to baden-baden." "oh, robert, how wonderful to see you again."

[ makes kissing noises ] come on, you know the guy freaks you out. you are exactly the same, and these are not the people to tell that you're going to marriage counseling. lois, it's only a week. oh, yes, only a week of marriage counseling in new jersey. it's like getting shot and then hung. hanged.

she can't control herself around chocolate. she'll devour you. really? yeah, uh, thanks for introducing us. anything for a friend. ooh, strong grip! ow! ♪ i don't do any cleaning. i make dirt. ♪ very, very heavy. i'm not big enough or strong enough for this. there should be some way to make it easier. [ doorbell rings ] [ morty ] here's a box, babe. open it up. oh my goodness! what is a wetjet? some kind of a mopping device. oh my goodness! what is a wetjet? there's a lot of dirt on here. morty, look at how easy it is. it's almost like dancing. [ both humming ] morty, look at how easy it is. this is called the swiffer dance.

[ both humming ] m[ for mcdonald's bold, look atnew jalapeno kicker premium chicken sandwich. and the not too shy jalapeno kicker quarter pounder. the heat comes at you from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. new jalapeno kicker sawich, only for a limited time. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪

what's going on? what happened to you last night? did you go over to your parents' to sleep? why didn't i think of that? no, i slept in the dn garage. oh, yeah? you slept in the car? no, i slept on the sled. honey, why? i was trapped down there. your parents were down here yapping,

and i fell asleep waiting for them to go upstairs. so you were hiding from them? they we talking about personal stuff. so? you want to know what they were saying? what's that smell in the garage? it was about their trip... their fakey-fake trip... to tt foreign plac what, baden-baden? see? you want to know. they're not really going there. they're going to new jersey. new jersey? for a week with a marriage counselor. that's right.

huh. h? that's it? that's all you got to say is, "huh"? come on, this is big doin's here, sister. heat that she's a phony and she hates his oosbach face. you know what, ray? it's a private matter. and my parents, unlike yours, don't feel the need to inflict their lives on everybody else. or maybe they're a little embarrassed because, as it turns out, they're not so perfect. yeah, or maybe they're just trying to work out their problems before their marriage degenerates into a screaming match like your parents'. arguing about how deep a pan is before it's a pot. [ as frank ] "if it's 3 inches, it's a pot. everybody knows that, marie." [ as marie ] "if you can't boil an egg in it, it's not a pot, you jackass." hey, either way, your perfect littl,

"oh, make sure you cut the crust off my cucumber sandwich" parents are frauds. you listen. if my parents lit an orphanage on fire on christmas eve, they wouldn't be as bad as your pares! huh? yeah. dropped the turkey.

i'd always wondered where the flavor came from. ooh, no running on thanksgiving. where am i sitting today, deb? uh, between my mom and your mom. got any hard cider? ah, the parade is on. i love the parade. what are you doing? what? you turned off the parade st 'cause i said i loved it? that was a coincidence. change it back. no. i'm scraping the marshmallows off the yams. your parents are a treasure. hey, hey, happy turkey day, you in-laws. hey there. yes, raymond, thanksin

for the lovely accommodations. the coziest b & b on long island. think it'll be as cozy over in europe? oh, i doubt it. so do i. so, where you keeping the libations locked up? it's got to be after 5:00 somewhere in the world. i'm with you, warren. let's get snockered. debra, let me help you. thanks, mom. right here. so, how's it going? yeah, how's it going? everything's fine. oh, yeah? i bet you're real excited about your trip to haagen-daagen. ray... what? i can't talk to my wife's mother? punkin, can i interest you in an apéritif? oh, that would be lovely. hey, marie, beer! get it yourself. here you are, my liebchen. oh, thank you, darling.

oh, just the way i like i wunderbar! mom, that's enough. what do you mean, dear? it's enough, okay? i know. what? what's enough? what do you know? what? nothing, marie. it's private. prive? what do you mean, private? hey -- private. no, you know what? it's nothing, really. i don't know what i'm talking about. i'm sorry about that, mom. okay, let's all, uh, eat. oh, that sounds like a good idea, debra. everything looks delicious. mom, you sit here. dad -- no. what? i don't wa to do this anymore. warren. no, n't have anything to hide. i'm tired of these pretensions. i'm tired of this charade. as it happens, we're not going to baden-baden this week. we're going to piscataway.

hey, hey, that's funny-sounding. lois and i are going for a week of marriage counseling. well, it's not a full week. so, can't we talk about something else? robert, has your stone passed? i will never understand you. i'm sorry, but it's not healthy to go on pretending that everything is fe when it isn't. ma, you want to put the turkey down? no. who are you to talk about healthy with your anal-retentive behavior? why don't you tell everyone about how you keep your left socks in your left drawer and your right socks in your right drawer? what's wrong with that?

maybe dr. sheely will have something to say about all of your pent-up hostility. my hostility? that's right. you ought to see this woman in traffic. she curses like a stevedore. it's not because of the traffic, warren. it's because of your insane whistling. the whistling drowns out the profanity! well, pucker up, warren, because here it comes! hey, mom, dad, please just calm down. why did you tell debra about this? i didn't tell debra. then how did she know? ray ard you. he was hiding in the garage. i wasn't hiding, all right? i checked the oil, okay? and it's a goothing i d because we're a quart low. well, woerl. now everybody knows. i hope you're happy, waen. sweet bastard, i'm getting happy.

is everything all right, dear? oh, he is just impossible. go on. mo-mom, are you -- it's all right, dear. we're talking. i am so tired of my opinion counting for nothing. everything has to be his way. i swear, everince he retired, it's not like i'm his wife anymore. i'm his employee, and it's all i can do to keep from strangling him. i feel so close to you. do you know he makes me iron his jeans? he insists that they have a crease. at least he can wear jeans.

i mean, the last time i got a pair for frank, it was from the maternity jeans. and i told him they were just stretchy. ha ha ha. oh, my god. hands for holding. feet, kicking. better things than the joint pain and swelling of moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis. if you're trying to manage your ra, now may be the time to ask about xeljanz. xeljanz (tofacitinib) is a small pill

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even without methotrexate. the joint pain and swelling your parents seem to be doing okay. it's nice.

it's notice. my father just said, "holy crap." you always wanted our parents to get along. yeah, but i didn't want my parents to convert. look at them. you're right, marie. debra could get this rug a lot cleaner. ohh, frank, i got to tell you, i overdid it this year. you know what you need, pal? a pair of my special stretchy pants. captioning made possible by talk productions

hey, the gears are stripped here. you let the kids play with this? yeah. yeah, the kids did that, dad. it had nothing to do with you plopping your jumbo can in there every day. ahh, there we . hey. hey. hey. this is erica. well, hello there. uncle robert!

hey, you little monkeys. hi. say hello to erica. i've heard so much about you. you must be ally, and... this must be geoffreych and michael.ou. robert told me about the freckle patterns. the's an easier way to tell. geoffrey, raise your hand. that's geoffrey. actually, we were on our way to go bowling, t erica wanted to meet the kids. debra: hi. this is erica. hi. i'm marie, robert's mother. are you two dating? robert: ma... we, we just me last week. at emerson savings. wow, open a checking account, get a free girl. i'm going down there. sorry, get a free girl. i was the last one. ha ha. this one's got a sense of humor. hey, why don't you come to my birthday party saturday? well... come on, it's my birthday. i-i get to say who's invited and...who's not.

just say the word, frank. i'm 5. how old are you? 22. that's old. [ for mcdonald's bold, new jalapeno kicker premium chicken sandwich. and the not too shy jalapeno kicker quarter pounder. the heat comes at you from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. new jalapeno kicker sandwiches, only for a limited time. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪

i want to get to the lanes. they only have one pair of size 18 shoes. okay. it was nice meeting you all. take it easy. bye-bye. 22? hot damn. i don't like that, frank. it's just not right. what's not right? she's much too young. that's what makes it right. stop it. young women go after older men for one thing -- she's a gold digger. mom, it's robert. come on.

what's she after, his vaporizer? i'm just concerned with my son, and he's not helping by inviting that girl. aw, come on, marie. first he snags that italian number, now this. robert's finally doing stuff i can be proud of. i'm going to have a word with him. mom, they're just -- they're going bowling. just relax. oh, why am i talking to men? you understand what i'm saying, right? well, actually, i think robert should do whatever makes him happy. yeah, whatever makes him happy. well, i'm not going to let that happen. everybody eeping? robert is a jerk. huh? i can't believe he's dating a 22-year-old. what -- what happened to "whatever makes him happy"? i was lying!

anyway, that's not real happiness. i don'know. i think it might be. come on, ray. what could they possibly have to talk about? i don't -- maybe they don't have to talk. maybe they're the kind of couple that doesn't have to talk constantly. i'm serious, ray. do you remember robert's first year on the force, when he helped deliver a baby in that cab? that could be erica! well, that -- that'something that they can talk about. he can'tsibly be serious about this relationship. he's using her. hey, if this bothers you so much, why didn't you speak up earlier? because it's none of my business! i don't want to be like your mother!

i'm -- i'm sorry. i'm not mad at you. tell that to the vei in your head. you know what i think? if i say yes, do you still have to tell me? i-i think that robert is afraid of intimacy, so he gets involved in a relationship that is doomed from the beginning. yeah, but what a way to go. hey, come on, no, my thing. oh, you really think that's funny, don't you? [ mockingly ] "what a way to go." hey...

you know, i really haven't told you how good you've been looking lately. what? yeah. really, though. you're lika --you're like a. oh, is that what you think this is about? i'm worried about how young i look? no, i am talking about right and wrong, a basic nse of decency. okay, but you do look hot. oh, you've got to be kiing . can i have the remote? oh, you're here. i checked your apartment. yeah, ma wanted me to get an olive plate for dad's party. wow, olives. this thing's going to rock. hey, so how's going with you and erica? okay, i guess. oh, good. she seems to like you.

yeah, how about that? yeah. well, is it serious? i don't ow. we've only gone out a few times. you think it's going to get serious? who knows? we're just having fun, that's all. you know what might be the most fun? breaking up with her. what? what are you talking about? listen, if you're just having fun with her, you shouldn't bring her around here. i mean, this is where fun goes to die. what? we had fun here. she made dad laugh. yeah, that could have been gas. yeah, well, if it was gas, he never would stop laughing. ha ha. look... it's making my life hell, all right? making your life hell? how? you dating a younger girl

affects other people, especially older people like the one i'm married to. debra's not old. she is when erica's in the room. yeah, but debra seemed to like erica. yeah, yeah. she did, didn't she? she was easant, enjoyable to be around. let me tell you something, robert, there's two debras. that's right, there's the debra that you see that doesn't have a problem with it. then when everybody leaves, there's the debra that i see -- darth debra. yeah, but she doesn't seem so -- remember when you broke up with amy? she got mad at me, then it was over. over for you because you left. i'm just now getting my hearing back. really? yes, yes, d then you bring a 22-year-old around. i'm going to be a lonely, deaf sex beggar.

so you're serious. there's two debras? yep, and neither one of them can cook. so look, i mean... i mean, you know, just be cool. i mean, have fun, but... just have it away from here. all right, raymond. i-i think i understand. thank you, man. thank you. hey, if it was up to me, you could parade her around here naked. i wouldn't say boo. i wouldn't mind at all -- i understand. i understand. frank, don't eat that cake. what are you yelling about? what is wrong with you? that's for the party.