simmering it all with potatoes and evaporated milk to present to you the rich yet delicate peruvian chuper that is my nightly monologue. but sometimes, just sometimes, folks, while fleeing the taiwanese panda smugglers i double-crossed, i scrape the bugs off my stolen tuk-tuk's windshield into a discarded carburetor cap with some gatorade, sawdust, and packing peanuts to slurp the fugitive road swill of news that is my segment... >> "meanwhile"! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: it's a steady hand at the wheel. steady hand at the tiller. meanwhile, in local news, health officials warn that leptospirosis, transmitted by rat urine, is on the rise in new york city. aw, man. i was hoping to finally hear some good news about rat urine. meanwhile, news from england, where apparently "spraying axe deodorant on male sheep gets them to calm down and stop fighting" because it "masks the hormones that get the boys butting heads, [british accent] so there's no argy-bargy, no rowing." the british call fighting "argy-bargy"? that's adorable. how did these people take over the world? "all right, everyon