someone close to you goes sick for a long time, so such topics are really touched upon as how to understand that the end is coming, what is approaching, and death, how to stop freaking out and worry about your loved one stopping eating and drinking, because this is such a tradition we have hmm such a manifestation, love does not eat, it means that he is sick, if he eats he will get better, and the departing elderly person or a sick person. it just turns off slowly. and i was always very annoyed by the abundance, when now the person died. and you know, some incredible, completely distant relatives immediately appear, some neighbors from the eighth floor , some of yours, who start talking such nonsense. and you hung these mirrors. uh-huh and here it is in general, and the chairs turned the floors or oh, nightmare and you are a scarf in a group, and your teeth are glasses. i think, god, some idiots, where did they get all this stuff. why in general, it is considered that the

main thing, why do i need to listen to this neighbor from the eighth floor, if my mother is to me, everything is very clear said what she wants. it was her life, her death, her departure, her funeral. and it seemed to me important to write to people that you only need to listen to two people of the one who left and the one who remained closest to him, all the rest do not care at all. let them shut up. incidentally, you said in one of your interviews that your mother, when she left, she said that she wanted to have jazz. yes, and here's another thing that your son lyova is the eldest parasites, yes, that he adored his grandmother so much. here are your quotes that when he heard that she wanted to have her on at the funeral he played jansa so that there would be no tears, here is a huge beautiful hall ella fegerans sings, the priest conducts the funeral service and suddenly, i see, they are dancing lightly. yes, he danced, though, i don’t think that he does it especially for his grandmother, he did it, because the atmosphere was created when it turned out to be overwhelming, despite the fact that grandmothers were lying nearby, and everyone said goodbye. and it's very cool. mom really left all the orders, in general, it seems to me, if we are already talking. about this topic and thank you for being

speak about it so frankly. but i think it is very important for everyone to understand that the clearer the order, the easier it is, then for everyone who remains, but in general, this tradition, uh, to cry, parting as a person. after all, sometimes it seems to me that this is not an unrealistic need. so it's almost like a ritual. you certainly know this tradition, because there are mourners. yes, and i can say for sure that, and my experience of parting, says that i am generally in any stressful situation. i am always mobilized i do it all myself organize it for me i couldn't cry enough for a long time. and what does it mean that i didn't love my parents enough? i loved eating them. now i can cry when i see my mother on the screen, but you often say that hospices are not so much about medicine. how much is this part of the culture? this, of course, is

about culture, because we need to start treating those around us differently. we have always said that, of course, a hospice is a hospital bed the comfort of home atmosphere but the most important thing is hospice is a hospice at home. this is the service that comes home to the family and which is involved in helping both the patient and the whole family, who is nearby, who helps people to stay at home at all, amazing, i must say that that's when i was preparing for this program. i realized that in general the conversation, and about the hospice and about death. it would seem that the one next to it, as if with this word, is just such an associative series to the greatest extent about life. yes, yes, because it's a huge help not to feel guilty about the person you want to leave, well then you understand that he is leaving. maybe it's normal and maybe we all feel guilty, especially when loved ones leave, because such a crazy hectic life that we don’t have time to give as much

love as we carry in ourselves. it doesn't mean we don't love. we just don't get it all done. and there is no other place where so much love. how many in the hospice even in the maternity hospital do not like it so much. how many in hospice, because hospice is parting, parting, always any parting - it's about the love of their hospice - this is the concentration of love in the hospice. people come. mm ask for forgiveness. uh, to pay the debt to finish off, and you know, uh, jospers about life definitely, because no one lives as fully as people who know that the horizon is close. and for you personally, this is exacerbated. the value of life is work in space. here is the understanding. i don't know yul because on the one hand. i think about it a lot. and i guess this should exacerbate, but on the other hand, you understand, people who work in the hospice in the fund, there. for us, this is the norm, there is no feat in this, in general, even close to me,

when i come home, i'm tired and angry, and i ca n't. that, maybe, tells me that you don’t swear at children, in general, so we switched roles. i must be evil. and you are kind, here you are good, you come and you have little time with them. can you only stone? i understand that yes, i don't want to swear at them, because i know what a children's hospice is. i know what sick dying children are, and they did me anyway. they are lessons. let them cut it to hell from your program and didn’t , but they are sitting there, smiling and rejoicing and cool that they are and do not care that their socks are dirty. oh my god, this really needs to be cut. i'm at home, probably the same as i worked for myself in a store or somewhere else, because i'm tired. i want to go to bed. and that everyone is behind me? uh-huh, but on the other hand, hmm, it certainly leaves an imprint of some kind. well, probably not the best

, because i, like many in the hospice. it's hard for me to communicate, it's hard for me to visit i don't like a lot of people. i want silence. i want some privacy, yes. the most valuable thing a person has parents, then husband, then children, if life is a journey, then death, well, travel is also the best reward for me. well, the result of the work. i want to see a very, very president. foundation. vera nyuta federmesia she had such an incredible metaphor in her life, about which she herself stated that she began to work as an obstetrician, that is, she accepted this life, and ended up working in a hospice, seeing off this life, but i must say that on this sign in her life really does not end, because it is it was impossible to assume that, despite the fact that she was a sickly child, there was a lot to

say and often ended up in the hospital, because in the end her own illness would be out of the category. so to speak, incurable and in fact. she e so to speak was potential. she was a hospice patient. she spent about a month in a hospice bed. yes, she was discharged later, and moreover, she even returned to work, but this month in the hospice, when she lay like a patient in the ward. it changed her a lot as a leader, as chief physician. she changed a lot of things. after that, something did not have time to change, because, unfortunately, in what sense, that is, she observed something that was not right. yes? as a patient, i kept track of a lot of things. wrong, the girls just crawled out to the morning conference. what kind of fools are you? why do you come to the ward at night? do you turn on the light? or did she speak? don't you understand that you don't need to change a person's linen when he sleeps, they say, well, how, but we'll come to take the change

other sisters at eight. already everything should be all washed up should be shot for everyone to sleep. want your mother reasoned in an amazing way. she wrote. so, cancer is an interesting disease without flaws. during this illness. you can do a lot and continue on. i used to think you’ll be fine quickly without pain, but judge for yourself, for example, i quarreled with my daughter, went outside and had an accident, as if i should be happy, but what will happen to my daughter, how will she live? the more i live and work, the more. i understand, that hospice is first of all for those who stay, first of all it is an opportunity. for us. for those who stay and will live on for a long time to live a lot with minimal guilt. from an understanding of the duty done, from an understanding of what we ourselves will want for ourselves from our children or loved ones when we get sick, and we inevitably got sick. and in general, uh, our future is the disease of old age. and if we understand that we take care of mom, dad for loved ones, then we, first of all, make our own

life easier in old age. i suggest. us now with you to listen to tatiana drobich, who started working with your mother. and for 10 years she knows, yes, yes, this is the wording that hostesses should not be afraid of him. i understand people who turn away from this topic. it's really. this is, um, a special topic, and i believe that people who work are volunteers. and uh or people who are somehow connected with the fund. these are only mature people and more sensitive than other minutes. led strong and their whole family are people completely. unique breed i have no idea how they are lived for so many years and how they survived in this reality. in the first, the moscow hospice is a unique place for which i can always answer, that everything will be there, as it should be humanely, according to the conscience of bestism without deceit, well, there is a young man who

was given this. well, this is such a thing, but in my opinion she was the only one who could take this baton into the canvas with knitting needles and miracles happen and i found these miracles and these miracles me. also bewitched, so this is already left, because people who should die and go there leave. it goes and comes back and that's it. a great miracle that exists around this topic around the cosmos well, so that you are not only a miracle the return in general, so to speak, the miracle of love happened. you personally spend an incredible amount of time as a result of making it all work. here at the level that, so to

speak, the bar that set your mother. i understand that your husband and your two sons do not see you at home. well, i guess i was lucky, firstly, i have an amazing husband, he is wise and patient. and very loving the second time i was lucky, when i no longer became a mother, and i understood that in connection with this, the work would become much larger, i didn’t understand how it was possible, because with all the huge pluses. e ilya, he is not a person adapted to life. absolutely. i think, well, well, god just sent me a wonderful nanny zina. it seems to me that my mother fussed there in heaven, and we have such a zina who lives just for children and grandmother and mother. but there's one more thing. hmm, after all, when i got married, when i had children, i i have been doing hospice work for a very long time.

but it was in parallel. c well, that is, it was somewhere volunteering, somewhere helping my mother somewhere else, and there was something in this topic, but i was not so deep in it, and i managed to stay if ilya and give birth to two children and enjoy motherhood to understand that i am absolutely not made to sit, well i couldn't even they never had a foundation faith for me to go for a walk with a stroller. it was torture. it’s just that i invented myself some store 4 km away to go there for bread, because what then 40 minutes. so you'll be outside with the baby, but it was terribly hard. and now, when they grow up, and when lyova became awesome, he just knows so much about history that i'm ashamed to sit next to him at all, uh, and he tells all this. about misha in general, too, well, they are cool and adults and it's interesting with them. now i'm starting to regret that i'm not enough at home. and yet, probably, genetics somehow affects, because it seems that there are not enough of me, but they are somehow anyway my children

turned out to be for some reason and i also remember not that i justified myself with this, because i do not think that i should justify myself. i also lived with very busy parents. my sister and i even wrote once. we had such a corner in the kitchen, and we wrote a statement on the wallpaper that we demanded to deprive them of parental rights, because when they have a free evening, instead of being with us, they go somewhere to the movies together, because mom said i need to be with dad alone and we didn’t feel abandoned or unloved, because, probably, i don’t know which is important, but i know for sure that there are people in my environment for whom, for example, my mother did not work, while there is a girl there, now she is already 40 years old at school, but she has no relationship with her mother. they are not close people and they are for each other. e war is a burden pain, what you want is not the amount of

time spent together exactly determines the quality of relationships with children in your mother said that you were leaving work. it is necessary to leave the work behind the fence like this. in general, the conclusion is very fair and, probably, concerns not only, so to speak, difficult ones. how are you to be? maybe emotionally, probably, anyone should not be dragged home, but i have such a suspicion that i bring work to the family physically. i come with papers. i put them on the table. i say, do not interfere, and i have the mail i have to read this to read in this sense, i do not carry it emotionally and again. well, you see, uh, it means that i always carried this work home with a lie and when i taught at school, and when i worked somewhere else, just because, uh, well, well, well, that 's how i love your husband's hard work and listen to your children now. no you will sit while we listen, you started dating and living together. uh, you were still next to her mother

, not. that was still a volunteer in space. she translated some conferences and so on. it's not here, tired more, so to speak resolute, probably more, one might say, even tough in fact, like anyone else. leadership and any managerial tasks e do not require. eh, actually enough. eh, the increase in the level of rigidity , let's say it is clear that both me and the children. wanted i wish my mother would spend more time with us, but uh we must be able to rejoice and enjoy those minutes and hours that we get in our case, newto and i are very lucky that at a sufficiently young age we found each other, and we are like this boring husband and wife who have been together for many years. well, perhaps what really helps us. well, so lucky that in general,

what remains unchanged. we love each other very much. i always don’t show up very much when something interrupts people’s appetite at the table, for example, you, i don’t i know, you're talking about well, let's say even about hospices. they say, oh, i can't eat. we will never have this at home, because we can, i don’t know , talk about some difficult situation with someone. mom can talk about it, and everyone there will react absolutely calmly to it. very nice. what does your family feel, how important it is, but we still have jokes there, that if she comes there at nine, well, generally before 12:00. we can ask her if someone like that did something to our mom. mother, the truth herself jokes quite rarely, but we must pay tribute when she jokes. it's pretty hard for about a month, but it's worth the wait to give yourself completely to other people, and who often won't even be able to thank you and that, but it's actually a lot of courage and well, it's

really a very important thing, and i don't i'm sure i can do it. although i think that my mother also did not think that he was so capable, but nevertheless, he is very very good at it. we are all very proud of ours. man ceases to share life on black and white. yes brain. uh starts working, the sooner, the better, if it's already one in the morning, and he calls me, my husband says that it's good that i've already left home, who is stronger than a woman or a man , a woman is stronger than a man, to the great, unfortunately, all women living in the world. that's all the president of the fund vera feedermission. the topic of death is discussed with their children. well, you see, the children 's grandparents died when they became my mother , mishka was about 2 years old there. and well, i

don’t think we were hiding anything at all, but all the same, it was necessary to somehow explain at his level whether he could walk down the street and i say, grandmother, probably, now she is looking at us in the sky , she is glad that you are growing up. he suddenly clings to me like that and says, now he will fall from the sky. what is very bad when a child is not shown a sick grandmother, when there is an absolute displacement of the theme of the disease of old age, fading, and then hop, he goes to the cemetery, where there is already a monument. and then a terrible perfect happens, because you had a grandmother, she smiled at you. she gave every time she gave you a candy, she stood up for you in front of your mother. she said and dima will figure it out ourselves. suddenly grandmothers. it just stopped being, then you saw a crying mom crying dad, then some all went sad, then a hop, a monument. this is a betrayal, because the person who loved you and whom you loved. he just suddenly

vanished. it's much more significant, well, much more trauma than the trauma that you receive, because you just live and life hurts. this is fine. here you say about yourself that uh 20 years ago, for you, people were divided into good and bad. and now he does not rush to conclusions and you understand, both bad and good. in general, with equal calm. that's how you phrase it. and what about those manifestations that also happen after all, which you probably observe because death is such an extreme event that produces the most sometimes paradoxical changes with the inner circle. someone wants to leave to be near, and someone begins to divide property while still standing near living parents. some don't come at all. yes. this can be very disappointing in people on the contrary. hmm it’s impossible to judge, we don’t know what happened in the life of this family, why do they behave like that. and

how did their parents behave with them, or maybe these are children who actually lived with their grandmother or studied at the five-day period to judge, because it’s very easy to understand, and hmm, we had a patient and her daughter came to her every few days for literally 5 minutes came in these 5 minutes, they had time to quarrel and she ran away. and one of the doctors is very pretty, very good at communicating, she at some point, when the patient became already very ill, she decided to talk to her daughter and say, well, after all, uh, we are more than about medicine. this is how you would like to have relationships in your family. i beg you, stay, stay for the night, mom is important. here we 'll talk. so it means rasppihovalsya left did not come back. mom left. without her, after some time it turned out through acquaintances of acquaintances, it turns out for this family. but these here are 5 minutes

every few days. it was a feat for the daughter, who was abandoned by this mother. and mom never looked for her, and she overcame a lot of everything to at least five times come and be and find mom like this in a hospital bed, and we broke it. we broke it. so by judgment, yes, in fact, such families are socially prosperous, when everyone really gathers around the bed, everyone sits side by side, when this is not enough, but you don’t understand this much, not because there are few such families, but because life is completely crazy, that’s the pace, in which we live, he does not allow it. i just i understand that and here is my example. and that this is the example that i consciously give to my children. ah.

i really wanted my children to see me as a good daughter for their parents. i really wanted my children to come and be there. and when he left, dad and mom, and because i'm terribly afraid, uh, alone and i really don't want me to be lonely, at the end of my life. who works at the hospice? so you are talking about your mother, that she had a waterpaste eye, that she was like that, as if miss marple from aga typed people according to the principle, as miss does marple, what does this woman look like at night? well, this is my job. horror, how do you select or how life selects people who are able to be close to a person who is definitely leaving, well, it selects accuracy. those who are not capable, they are somehow quickly eliminated and leave. what can be done? is it possible to select any freaks? delete well, some who

come and want loonies - it's some kind of nightmare like tell me what it's like to come. now we will heal everyone. and most importantly, they are such fools that they do not even understand what is on the surface, what they cannot hide their intentions. and it all comes out in 5 minutes, these come. now they'll all be cured by the laying on of hands, these laying on of feet, these urine therapies. now everyone is healed. well, in general , you quickly calculate them and say, thank you. thank you. we are moving on without you. and here, actually further already to separate. here, there is no recipe. here with diana nevzorov. we somehow got used to talking with hospitable eyes, our beret, and i would like to say that i, like my mother, can do it with half a dozen and i can’t. i'm wrong. and hmm sometimes severely mistaken. so, it’s hard to sort things out later, but

, in general, bad people don’t come to this area, in principle. that amazing truth that mom said that we need people, but with a big heart and big ears that's for sure. so one must be able to be silent, listen and love. i suggest. we are now listening to diana nevzorova, who has also been working with you for many years. many people come and think it's temporary. i'll probably work here a little, and then only the opportunity will appear, only a place will appear. i will pass. mm. i didn’t manage to leave, because there was a feeling that you would run away from the battlefield and let vera vasilievna and vera vasilievna all this time hmm asked, well, you understand what is good in our work, you already began to get high from this and asked, she and long. i thought you were nonsense. what quality can you get? here and at some point in her questions? i answered. yes, i understand what's good here. and what is interesting here is that we bring good is a fact we bring, but a change in

the philosophy itself in relation to patients. it's a fact we we are talking about the fact that this grandmother is demented, annoying aggressive. and what is her pity? not her. bad person, i somehow made a round in one palliative department in the subject of the russian federation in the city in the regional and when i asked if such a rather severe external patient, yellow with a clearly painful syndrome, asked, what worries you, she answered me that she was worried about something that her husband is not allowed into space. we had one patient. she was about 100 years old and we had one volunteer, and we were looking for her classmate. here we are, of course, everyone thought that, probably, classmates are also her 100th man, then

they live less, probably, a classmate is no longer there. but we were actively looking for him as a volunteer, we wrote letters to him and did not receive them. we unfortunately answer, but it was a whole epic how it all happened classmate 100 years old man lived, you know, with the desire to write a letter, we remember the patients. we laugh. we are at general conferences discussing some things, we allow ourselves to joke. and if we come across someone like that with such a good sense of humor, we retell it. we remember each other, we pass on these stories. not so, but this is a very important aspect. i think that maybe, many do not even understand that a hospice is a free help to an incoming person. all the palliative care that we have in the state is free, but they wrote to him. yes , charity is so necessary, because anyway the state is not capable, as long as you know, even if there was enough money. let's take countries where palliative care is very developed and there is money. for some reason ,

charity is always present in palliative care. why because any hmm systemic work, yes, any ministry of health is a kind of template, and in death there can be no template. well, because one wants e makeup, and the other does not. this one wants to ride a horse. and this one wants to be alone, and this one with friends, this is this, and in general, this one needs to change clothes at 5:00 in the morning, this one only has breakfast at 12:00. and this, this, this, this feeling of myself and individuality. this can only be done by a volunteer. only blago construction assistance is only the nurse who built her day and her work for you, if there happens to be a young patient who needs wi-fi, you understand, but he really does not have the opportunity to wait for us to carry out and provide this system for public money, because in a week he will be in a coma. i need to do this in 5 minutes, because he, like a pregnant woman, can change his mind in 10 minutes . and this is a very expensive pleasure. here

the pleasure of the departing is an expensive pleasure. if a person suddenly found the strength to say that he wants ur herring because, well, we have millet porridge. we must provide him with this herring. we are not so spoiled. our people people want so little at the end of their lives. they want something delicious. they want to see someone to find a classmate. what diana said, no one wants to go to baggage islands. never seen those kids have, uh, more extravagant needs. well, you know the most extravagant children's needs can be met with the help of charity in 5 minutes. there we understood that there was a girl who wanted the new year, and we understood that she would not live to see the new year. simply, so she had to provide new year 's gifts to santa claus snegurochka, and even a cannon with snow from the mosfilm, which made snow for her. it 's not difficult. people feel the need to be good, nothing gives so many opportunities for fulfillment. how much charity is on the

palette and i don’t know what we could not be we need, we need everything. i won’t be able to take a most courageous position on this topic, i’ll even say more precisely because vera vasilievna had a correct attitude towards death and didn’t just speak words there, she was ready, as she said, my favorite pastime is to tear out the ass of older people, uh , and she. well, this just breathed this lived there and it was for her. yes, so, naturally, that i understood and understand. i wouldn't be able to do that. i can not do that. i don't know how, and it's absolutely necessary, but just humanly just humanly and there is a person who takes it upon himself. well, then, if you yourself can’t,

well, at least then help someone who can, that’s actually simple logic, since it quickly became clear to everyone, uh, that this is not some kind of temporary phenomenon for half a year or a year. and this is such a large-scale institution that is constantly being created. if you do, it's seriously long so that for your life and after your life. she continued to work. so you need to take the same uh long-term economic and financial construction. this is a fund. ah, in russia there was a law about this. it doesn't seem to me that it was the right decision. if i knew for sure from the date of my death, it’s as if i would stop suffering faster with any bullshit. and probably, by the way, it would still be more time to spend with her husband and children. is absolute honesty useful ? absolutely honesty is generally inappropriate if i were offered uh?