what are women looking for, how to resolve conflicts that are inevitable in family life and what are the basis of strong marriages? alone with everyone, the founder of the school of husband and wife, doctor alexander zotov nikolaevich i will start with the fact that it is unexpected that, firstly, not a psychologist at all. and you are a pediatrician. yes with great experience. and secondly, you are a man. well, you know, usually, so to speak, the issues of family and marriage are occupied by women, because they have experienced a divorce. they say, well, i can share my experience and stuff, and then all of a sudden a man the origins of such an er, wonderful school, what happened to your profession as a pediatrician so well, and you invest your whole life in your energy so that children get sick less, well, ending your active life, you begin to understand that it turns out that it’s not because they get sick flu, sore throats, something else. if something is missing at home.

or some problems. i say it cannot be healthy if the mother had a fight or, god forbid, they broke up, the last child remains. he thinks he is to blame. sooner or later, this will come true. here is where our work began. proudly, naberezhnye chelny has seven more years of action. well , at that job he also works as a pediatrician, we did a big questionnaire. how much mom and dad talk to children we were looking for an answer. well, well, why do children get sick? well, there are good doctors out there. well , what is there today, they asked the boy of the girls in the boy most of all how many moms and dads talk to you a day, the children wrote that mom and dad talked to them a day. you know how many 3 minutes got up, got up, ate. i studied free. we probably talk more. at the child does not hear us. he is smarter than our children, he has his own problems. he needs to talk to someone, there is no one to talk to. well, this is what her children are accumulating today, our other children are completely hyperactive children. we overdeveloped the head today

in a 3-4 year old child, a phone, a tv, a gadget, anything, but the body began to die. him to move. it is necessary to have nowhere to put energy, my emotions are needed quite right. yes, i want to know from you that you yourself, in general, have experience of divorces. you are now in your third marriage, does that mean that only after surviving a divorce and having made this mistake, you can say so, but teach others not to make these mistakes. i think no. is it good or bad, difficult question and advice to give to anyone i will not be good or bad in the family should be complete. well, of course, and mom and dad and children should live together. well, we are all young. we have a lot of energy, we do something so we do something, so on monday we are all smart on friday, we broke firewood, and on monday you know, did something happen today, right or wrong? well, if you could bring everything back, probably, let everything remain so, i don’t even

ask if it’s right or wrong. i ask, does this experience help you, your own divorces as a warning to those you teach? lord , thank you in a conversation with families it helps, because well, how do you already have your own experience? good bad better is it worse and you start to analyze? i would do that, so and when it comes. now we have wives in this school, sometimes older chickens and young people, and they try to start talking in families. for now there is nothing to say. they haven't broken wood yet. they are not wrong yet. and today, when you talk to them, of course, you use your own, well, right or wrong experience. can we name a discount, let's say three points, and what should husbands exclude from their behavior? that's what you say? uh, for those guys who come and want to get married, so they are going and so you say, look, this is dangerous. this is not worth it. you don't expect this. we don't usually

tell them that. i come to those who have already made a vile application to the registry office. they are in a week, where they will be husband and wife, and my theme. where do all children come from? oh, zolotov came to talk about sex. no, not about sex. he says where normal healthy children come from. here is the most. the main thing is that it is very difficult to give advice and no one succeeds. we start talking mom and dad should be healthy since moms, and dad should be able to give in to each other mom. papa even hear each other. we are all wrong in life, better or worse. well, we all have problems, if you do not learn to understand this, you will hear to yield. this is art women, of course. we say, if a woman is not an actress, she loses a lot in life. she should be able to behave correctly, teach how to come in the morning beautifully, not everyone knows how. today we even say in this lesson that in order to learn how to drive a car, you need to study for at least six months, to be

a doctor or a physicist, you need to study a lot to be a chemist, but you don’t need to be a mother or a husband. in general , you can not learn how it is often drawn. your school is the people who are going to get married. or those people who are already married relationships, but on the brink of divorce come to school to go and those when we say only the school is not quite. so why did the city of naberezhnye chel follow the principle of not creating a husband and wife school about creating this system. what is the system? today i come to the registry office to those who have applied and say, where do the children come from for me. this is where psychologists come in. they say where families come from. what should be dad's future or mom's to decide? after him , the best dad of our country immediately comes, who is allies, and he says men should be like this man. today is the first stage today. they get married. in the evening, a specialist from the same school comes

and he works with those who have decided to get a divorce? yeah, he carefully works with them with a large hall or with each work, individual happy we are all the same today, but when there are problems, behind closed doors a psychologist who knows family and family policy starts working, but the young people who come to the registry office did a lot for us correct remark of the decision nikolayevich and what are you doing with us ? we've already gone through everything without you came in the registry office and 25-30 percent of pregnant women come to the registry office today. they have already solved many problems. and why does he not start a conversation with students and 5 years ago they came to the students of the pedagogical university, how much they want to hear these conversations, who will talk to them? mom talks to her daughter or son about love, about difficult questions. and here comes the experts talking, great great. we learned from the students of the pedagogical university, and the students came to the high school students at school and began to discuss these topics with them here

it's a conversation. they are closer in age. they can say that to each other. here is the solution to the problem alexander nikolaevich and here are the results that you now have at your e school for this wonderful initiative. uh, if some hmm some observation, let's say about the systemic nature of the reasons for divorce. well, for example, there from one to five years. it didn’t get along with the characters from five to ten, they didn’t live up to each other’s expectations, and after 10 they just got tired of each other, and there, well, for some stupid year we do 100-200 300 profiles reasons for divorce. this is the most important thing and almost 35-40% of the main thing is interest. today. this is when it was alcoholism. something else in the team today no today, fourth and fifth place in the first place misunderstanding of each other, two people came, and i love you, and you love me. that's love. this is not yet the love of support met, according to the mind they see off and today the main reason for divorces. it

is everywhere today and in the country misunderstanding and school, which is at all these stages. at the first stage, she teaches to see each other to understand each other. well, give in. here stepping is also difficult. before when this school started. i’m the first two schools myself, well, i can’t say that i don’t believe in anyone and in clarity, until i sit myself, first i listen to the end. who says what and is it true , well, after two or three years of school, i myself. well, i have a tough personality. yes, aries yes, you are stubborn, just a problem with concessions. yes? well, well, here is such a person, but not good, not bad. what is a family supposed to be like today? i also find it difficult to rearrange a lot. well, when i graduated from this school one or two or three, well, you begin to understand at the most crucial moment what to do? on the clock conflict, let's take a time out of school so neatly written. we're taking a timeout. you shut up and i'll shut up. but take this timeout.

it is very difficult to learn this in 15-20 minutes or in the morning, and the problem will be solved by itself and there is no need to resolve it, i say, psychologists. here, sometimes you need to be silent next to each other, and all problems will be solved, as far as yours is concerned. uh, first marriages. you. eh, so to speak, explained the reason for your divorces in the fact that your spouses sooner or later for some reason became leaders, that is, literally them, and the field of activity was introduced into your family life, or, nevertheless, since they were put in charge here, it became especially difficult for me to give in to a special way of thinking about attitude towards women leaders. so i don't know how to say it right, well, five or six times, the city, probably, a person was visited by experts, m-m sexopathologists sexologists. they taught not sex, they taught correctly how a man will grow from a boy a man, and from a girl to do a woman and what is a

woman, if a woman is a leader, a director is a chief through the wheel to sit stand to talk, she is used to her work. well, this is a woman with a violation of the trans-role function, not every man wants the head of the man in the family to be next to him, of course, and when they say, well, that's a sin, he says, many people know. well, in short, you know, i come home. i'm completely different. now i'm the boss, i came home, and it doesn't happen like that. these are fairy tales for someone, if you are the boss here, that is, here the boss is the destruction of the family. for children to be healthy, parents must learn to take care of their mothers. dad should be healthy once mom and dad should be able to give in to each other mom, dad, even hear each other. he believes that sometimes, in order to save a family, you need to learn acting . if a woman is not an actress, she

loses a lot in life, even the ability to talk to each other will not always help in solving family problems. sometimes it can be silent next to each other, and all problems will be solved by the family school. happiness alexander zotov your trip wife she is a psychologist by education, as i understand it, yes, that is, she has no chance of growing up to some kind of managerial employee, if she has grown to a managerial employee, then i’m aries, that is, she must somehow hold her career plans are not easy for her with me, well, i want to say right away. yes , psychologists are people who give advice. uh-huh. you have to act like that. you must i do not believe that it would be better to advise, well, give advice. this is the most thankless job. after all, you give these tips, just your school will come out handing out advice the other day an interesting article appeared. i'm at work. here's someone from home. better to be husband and wife. just

don't give advice. we periodically have difficult situations when everyone takes time out for them to try. so how do you try to talk? well, the same school. you can wife. after all , i invented it, i try not to lecture or lead there. occupation is two two three brilliant people. this is monty eugenes american american 25 years old. we live in the city, he is a doctor of psychological sciences and his wife. albina like them are conducting classes. well, this delight causes me. this is how i should start. all schools and i finish schools, i take a guitar, i read poems based on her songs about the house, about my mother. well, that's the way we should be today in this system. everyone has a role to play. someone invents, someone specifically does the work of false digging. that should guide you, after all, apart from this work. there is also a scout organization, which, as i understand it, appeared even before this school, yes, that is, you are a very socially

active person. you run, you run mountaineering skiing tourism. in general, your schedule is quite tight. i want to ask, is this an obstacle to the right atmosphere in the family or vice versa? the more employment spouse, the better the toad out of the house more and more leadership, and let her husband busy non-stop. well, in general, the busiest person has the most free time. this is what great ford said, it seems to me that men have a lot of work. i don't understand men. here, only we are on the arrow, we see four people in 30 schools, the city was made by its union of fathers or soviets four men go out with men talking where the skalos organization is, among other things, and therefore i worked for 3 years from 1989 to 1992 as an adviser in tajikistan, not about taking care of boys and girls, it was just tourism and mountaineering. and when my mission ends, purely by chance. i saw a program that our soviet boys and

girls in south korea are sitting beautifully in uniform and saying, in general, how great it is. they came to south korea to run and jump to practice. here are the elements upbringing, but the correspondents ask, but who were you looking for? and what is it, but you don’t know, they told us to put on this uniform and we arrived. it happens that it hit at the right time. this thought is in my head. i returned literally 2-3 months later, she was already dying with us. yes, when they say what it is they began to look for, in general, what was it they were looking for? where did you even get them from? well , there was no literature anywhere. there were two first pioneer magazines remember me, such magazines were such beautiful. there were two small articles. who are they scouts a scout is a young one, scouts are not only not at war, but in life they do good deeds. and why don’t you try me, there’s such a voice, of course, for my own. or those, i have a lot of three children and five grandchildren, probably, in principle, there will be more for my speech and for them. well, how can odnoklassniki try such an organization and today our organization is 25 years old , but some children are other

children the word patriotism. it is not feigned, how they treat their city, their country, their homeland and are the most pleasant. if the boy once dressed scout uniform and swore an oath and held up three fingers together i swear on my honor that i will never do anything wrong. he will never do wrong. my question was, after all, is it good when a husband is so busy. uh, is there time to actually talk, hear each other, see each other. we started with this, that we communicate little, in general it’s good for everyone that my husband is so busy. it's great. only the husband should not take the car and not the computer and not the phone. he's busy every saturday and i know sunday, the whole country knows me at 9:00. i pack my children, my wife, and leave

together. this is the time when we talk and talk and talk and say this happiness for hours, and you and your third wife have registered a relationship. although you have. in general, there is a rather serious difference at the age of 20 years, and your wife also had, in general, an unsuccessful marriage behind her and it would seem that when people meet adults. they sometimes think, well, why these formalities are necessary somehow, well, take a closer look at each other. well let's not get married officially. and you're all gone, so to speak, we begin. do you think that it is important to register relationships for me and for my family for my environment - this is important printing - this is not easy. here is paper. here is such red tape promoted that this is molly some kind of nonsense absolutely right. i am very pleased that i have a sit down alternative that comes. we live in a civil marriage, when a family of civil marriage a woman believes that she is married. a man is considered free, but i'm a children's doctor, and whose child? and the child who, after all, he understands that he seems to be with his mother, like, you are not dad. and

it seems that no one in school quickly recognizes them at school when we say, yes, this is not a father. it seems to be temporary here, we start today, for which we created from school. can you wife and why not just school family policy. here is the age difference that you have in your third wife 20 years. in general , mm is a risk zone for marriage or not? or in general, age differences do not in any way affect, and the family climate is a zone risk. well, for god's sake, my mountaineering is an extreme sport. my job. you see, i have five or six or seven different hobbies. today is extreme things today. well, this is the risk zone, but let's do something to try to be wrong. just don't sit and cry. but here we are, the unfortunate poor. we're fine. works with you, as i understand it. here in this general case, in which you are engaged. yes, this is a

joint. well, there are activities too. so, reading on this subject, what is better for a spouse together not to work, because here just swearing cannot be avoided. and there are houses there, domestic problems. and even here there is some kind of disagreement, or vice versa, the work unites. we don't work together when she's teaching. i don't even get close. i conduct classes at the registry office, she also does not come. you so agreed that no. no, don't come close. well , it seemed to me. well, anyway, we never thought that we would be. i mean, they were saying things. it seemed to me that a husband and wife should not work in the same institution. the cards must have your job your duties, so that you have something to talk about in the evening. and when we started together, everywhere common activities began to communicate together. it only leads to conflict. i think so. i mean, she thinks she's stubborn. that's how it is right, well, almost. that's not leading to anything good, and

therefore we say, natasha, you have classes. and i have a workout. today, this, alas, calmly discussed the situation. that is, as if no, of course, no, they do not discuss calmly, so i try here. yes , to pretend that i'm so right. well, kind of course, yes plates of summer. well, we tried to buy. after all, as a tourist in mountaineering, i tried furniture and utensils, iron or plastic. yes, it’s so nice and beautiful sorry, it looks beautiful. but well, there is this. well, for me. here the outflow starts some problems. at the exit i already have running shoes, shorts, a t-shirt, i need a sports one on time for training. yes, but you come running back, in 30-40 minutes such a bed is clean for me. yes, and so calmly you start to smile or just in time and pretend that you are sleeping. i also option a good timeout option. let's listen to your spouse, and then continue

with my father taught me fidelity. that is, he always said that eternity is there basic qualities. and here he is a confident scouting organization. this is 25 years old. now even more. and they visited the organization at different times, it happened better, it happened worse, it happened there somehow, but even when he stayed there, maybe almost alone. yes, he still dragged her, pulled her, believed, and, as it were, developed her. this is very much for me. what else is valuable, probably reliability uh, you know, in difficult situations, that is, we were several times in the mountains and this is a very dangerous thing. in general, this is such a project where you have to somehow cope with this yourself . let's say nature never

abandons its people with a riot, that is, he is a person on whom you can rely on an icon, on which you can. lean and everything and know that you will survive there, you will reach there, i don’t know, dry, well-fed, and so on. zotov he, well, there are none there. how to say that any thing he sees he says, well, someone does it. why won't i? why can't i do the same from school and husband same not why not do? why not learn even there at the age there, i don’t know, there are 50-60 years old. no, these are the limits that you can learn something at any age, and he learns himself and, of course, can teach others. it turns out that the starting point was your desire to learn how to live properly in marriage, but i understand that this is a matter of many mistakes. to speak well or badly? well,

i want my children not to repeat these mistakes. dr. zotov believes that in the passport this is not a whim, but a necessity when the family is a civilian married woman believes that she is married. and the man is considered free. the main thing in solving family problems is to act, not to think. let's do something to try to be wrong. just don't sit and cry. but here we are, the unfortunate poor. everything is fine with us to resolve a family conflict, all means are good, pretending to be asleep. this is also a variant of the school of family happiness alexander zotov and how to avoid misunderstandings when a person is talking to you, but you, well, you don’t understand, in general, where such thoughts come from in your head taken stupid. this is the main reason for divorce . no, i hear. well, i don't know what

to do next. and how to overcome it in the first place at school, they teach you to work on yourself. you sit down in the direction of your husband. i am like a wife or vice versa and we begin to solve the problem. you are difficult, i am complex. how to find a common language? this is a huge complex scheme, suppose you don't do housework. i'm here as a wife. now i'm telling you that it's not good that you don't do anything around the house. it's late, come, i'm here , i've been plowed, i'm going to the store, i'll cook for her, i'm for children. and you can't even take out the trash. that's what you immediately made to survive my wife. and you said, if you can't stand, yes, you didn't, that's it, i reacted. you yourself, so you could go yourself and do the reasons for the conflict, after graduation, we will already be told by our wives, probably in a different way. it is so unpleasant for me when i come home, and now the dishes are not exhausted. i'm upset and i really want to relax. and here is

my dinner. i didn't have time to cook. here he will do it. definitely as soon as he was told. you do not did, you must is the first step to war well. and if you said, i'm upset, i'm so uncomfortable that the dishes didn't come to you, they haven't been washed again. you tell me here, well, it's terribly terribly hard that it's rubbish, well, somehow the trash can is overflowing again. so you're trying to sit on your husband's neck? yes, of course, he will explain in russian who owes what, what owes, no, you have to cook. you must wash. you have to do it today, and the husband has to do it somewhere. these are the families in which the husband i do more. what if the wife takes on more in a situation a lot, in short a word. you must be excluded from the

family quite right positions, help me. and if it is very difficult for me, i am experiencing men. well , the desktop woman is the same, if it's difficult for you, but we're a couple. i'm tired too. and you are tired. i want to help you. even if we have some kind of conflict today or something doesn’t get me, you say, well, i’m upset, we didn’t do something, we are a family and most importantly, when we are talking now, that he can wife’s children saw how mom and dad they talk and do not repeat ours. hmm or bugs or bugs or positive experience, please tell me , here it is. uh, such a motive for women is very common, that they are right already, well, they are just exhausted in marriage, but they do not get divorced, because children are the right approach. no. although, when psychologists work, we try to keep the marriage. so all this is the

main thing, but if you have reached the point that you already can’t stand each other and this harms both of them, it’s better to stop in time to disperse today, but here’s what, well, like in my family, good or bad it is very difficult for us with all our children and wives. we live all our common holidays. this is march 8 - this is the new year santa claus this is the first of may, this is a demonstration on saturday and sunday, because usually these are women after a divorce trying to keep, so to speak, a relationship with their husband, if they are reasonable mothers, let's say yes, in order for children preserved co-father, and in your case, your wives also tried. e stay on friendly terms with you or that and yours was an effort. well it's a difficult question so good, i'm bad. here here for me it seemed that both sides were trying to correctly resolve the issue, but with my son i go to the mountains every year all my life. it must be the girls. well,

well, good right kids. they are all his teachers today. they don't call every time. grandma came to bake pies. well, i love pies, so no. yes, it's someone's birthday. i don't remember who's birthday is, but this is the head. so you forgot that the birthday and the whole family is going to husband and wife. divorced not divorced. children shouldn't have to suffer. uh-huh and we both sides try to make it so in the family of children. they have also started their own families. if you have five grandchildren, then natasha has two girls who are finishing school . lida has two boys. already, well, as the third ninth grade, kolya is still alone, but it's not evening yet. so, i think we will have many children in our family. now i want you and me to watch, uh, a story about your scouting organization, then we will continue the conversation. alexander zotov i saw the scouts on tv and decided that the flag with a white lily would definitely go up in naberezhnye chelny

a quarter of a century ago, he created in the city the first scout troop in these years of the commandments of young scout scouts. helped a lot of guys. find the right direction in life. i have a family without a father. mom is alone. you know, in the nineties, and here, in principle, if i hadn’t got into the club, i would have ended up in another group, where people were doing something incomprehensible themselves at that time. i do not know, i miraculously, to be honest, got it. in the first association of young scouts there were only 10 people, and in 25 years more have been in their ranks thousands of boys and girls. this is the team that has gathered there for 10-15 years. i think that i would not be able to find such friends for myself in other markets, an organization of scouts alexander zotov came

to the conclusion that it is necessary to involve the father in this important matter, because the problems of fathers and children often arise when men want to participate in upbringing, but they just don’t always know how the union of fathers appeared in naberezhnye chelny, dad, he just doesn’t know how to treat his child. but there is this mechanism, there is this positive example, when he came and saw such fathers, he got to know him, he was able to take from them an example of one of the joint principles of the union of fathers and the association of kauts in chelny, there are no other people's children, there is the environment of my child. we are trying to create such an environment by the union of fathers so that every man every father notices such children and goes to the sports cultural creative event with his child and takes a friend or girlfriend of his children who do not have a father today alexander

zotov founder of the fathers union and honorary president scouts, as well as 25 years ago, teaches the guys to be honest, keep their word and not offend the weak fathers help him in everything. look, but this is amazing, actually here is the idea of ​​not having other people's children. it was your thought. yes , to or is it already so to say, alternatively. it was in this community that the idea was born that come on. eh, if i'm going camping relatively speaking, then i take both you and your friend and start working with scouts in five to seven years. here we noticed that if dad comes to help. baby at all the other is completely different and relates to the environment to him. and when men say everything. now, they don't want anything. they are watching tv. they don't want to work. it is not true. we ourselves built the work so that the peasants we aside times.