uh, the first death that happened in my life. this is uh, we have a house in a village near yaroslavl and died there. uh, neighbor, and i was 3 years old, but i remember it very well, and grandfather misha was well over 90. and then he died prum, just died of old age. and my mother told me that the whole village would go to the funeral. you will go and there was such an open- top truck, and you had to drive along this rural road in dry places somewhere, of course, i will go with everyone in a truck over potholes and then, when you grow up, you understand, in fact, mom did it for what would we stop- well, that it was not scary, that it was. naturally. the things you sometimes read about in books would never have happened in our family. there the child died. hamster, parents, running, run to the bird market to buy the same while he is at school. uh-huh. yeah, that's not. that 's wrong. no, it is not necessary to carry away this side precisely. if you hide it exactly, then you get that fear that not only prevents you from talking and thinking about it, but it also, unfortunately, prevents us from being close to the dead. relatives, you understand

and this is the worst thing, your foundation even published a book, uh, a long time ago, called a person dies. what to do? the goal is enlightenment. that's for a person to be honestly literally and worldly ready. no, we wrote specifically to help people not fall into the trap of some kind of deception of the ritual services of ritual agents. as the book was being written. it became clear to me that it cannot be started from the moment. here, a loved one died. so it needs to be earlier. and in general, it turns out that we wrote it for those who have one of the relatives leaves for a long time ill uh-huh, and therefore such topics are really touched upon there, how to understand that the end is coming, what is bringing it closer? and themselves how to stop freaking out and worrying about the fact that your loved ones stopped eating and stopped drinking, because this is such a tradition in our country, such a manifestation, does not eat love, it means it gets sick. if he eats, he will get better, but the outgoing one. a residential person or a sick person, he just

turns off quietly. and i was always very annoyed by the abundance, when a person has already died. and you know, some incredible , completely scam relatives immediately appear, some neighbors from the eighth floor, some of yours, who start talking such nonsense, and you are, and the mirror depends. but this is in general, and the chair turned the floors or oh, nightmare and you're here with a handkerchief in the coffin, there were teeth glasses. i think, god, some idiots, where did they get all this stuff. why is it generally considered that the main thing is, why do i need to listen to this neighbor from the eighth floor, if my mother told me everything very clearly, as she wants. this is her life, her death, her funeral is leaving. and it seemed to me important to write to people that you only need to listen to two people, the one who left and the one who remained closest to you, all the rest do not care at all . let them shut up, by the way, in one of the interviews they said that your mother, when she left. she said that she wanted to have jazz,

and here's another amazing thing, your son lyova the eldest, yes, that he adored his grandmother so much. here is your quote that when he heard that she wanted jansa to play at her funeral, so as not to there were tears, here is a huge beautiful hall ella fitzgerald sings, the priest conducts the funeral service and suddenly, i see, they are dancing lightly. yes, he danced, however, i don’t think that he did it specifically for his grandmother , he did it, because the atmosphere was created when it turned out to be permissible, despite the fact that grandmother was lying nearby, and everyone said goodbye. and it's very cool. mom really left all the orders. and in general, it seems to me that if we are already talking about this topic, and thank you for being so frank about it. speak, it seems to me it is very important for everyone to understand that the clearer the order, the easier, then for everyone who remains, but in general this tradition is to cry, parting as a person. after all, sometimes it seems to me that this is not an unrealistic need. that's how it is almost. and

you also know the ritual, of course, this is a tradition, because there are mourners. yes, and i can say for sure that, and my experience of parting says that i am generally in any stressful situation. i am always mobilized. i myself will do everything to organize me i could not cry for a long time. what is it does it mean that i didn't love my parents enough? i adored them. now i can cry when i see my mother on the screen, well, you often say that the hospice is not so much about medicine. how much is part of the culture? this, of course, is about culture, because we need to start treating those around us differently. mom always said that, of course, a hospice is a hospital beds comfort home atmosphere but the most important thing is hospice. this is hospice at home. this is the service that comes home to the family and which is involved in helping and the patient of the whole family, who nearby, which help to ensure that a person stays at home is generally a terrific must. what about

when you were preparing for this program? i realized that in general the conversation, and about the hospice and about death. it would seem that the one next to it, as if with this word, is just such an associative series to the greatest extent about life. yes, yes, because it's a huge help not to feel guilty about the person you want to leave. well, you know he's leaving. i guess it's normal and i guess we all feel uh guilty, especially when loved ones leave, because such a crazy hectic life that we don’t have time to give as much love as we carry in ourselves. it doesn't mean we don't love. we just don’t have time to do everything later and there is no other place where we love so much. how many in hospice. this even in the hospital does not like so much. how much in jose because hospice is parting, parting, always any parting is about love and hospice. this is the concentration of love in the hostel. people are coming. m-m to ask for forgiveness, i'm sorry. c e

to pay the debt to finish off and you know, and the hospice is about life, of course, because no one lives so fully as people who know that the horizon is close. and for you personally, this exacerbates the value of life, work in josé. here is an understanding, yul, because on the one hand. i think about it a lot. and i guess this should exacerbate, but on the other hand, you understand the people who work in the hospice in the fund, there for us, this is the norm, there is no feat in this, in general, even close, and when i come home, i'm tired and angry, and i can't, well can tell me what you are do not swear at children, in general. here we have switched roles. i must be evil from and kind. here you are well, you come and you have little time with them. you can come to me and i realized that yes, i don’t want to swear at them, because i know what a children’s hospice is. i know what sick dying children are and me perfectly. they did their lessons. let them cut it

to hell from your program and didn’t, but they’re sitting there, smiling, happy and cool that they are and don’t give a damn that their socks are dirty. oh, my god, this definitely needs to be cut. uh, i'm at home probably the same as i myself worked in a store or somewhere else, because i was tired. i want to go to bed. and that everyone is behind me? uh-huh, but on the other hand, um, it definitely leaves an imprint. well, probably not the best , because i, like many in the hospice. it's hard for me to communicate. it's hard for me to visit. i don't like a lot of peoples. i want silence. i want some privacy, yes. the most valuable thing a person has is parents, then a husband, then children, if life is a journey, then death is also a journey.

the best reward for me. well, the result of the work. i want to see a very, very president. foundation. vera nyuta federmesia she had such an incredible metaphor in her life, which she herself stated, that she began to work as an obstetrician, that is, she accepted this life, and ended up working in a hospice, seeing off this life, but i must say that on this sign her life really does not end, because it was impossible to assume that, despite the fact that she was a sickly child, there are many to say and often ended up in the hospital, because in the end her own illness would be out of the category. so to speak, incurable and in fact it was, so to speak. social patients of the hostel and was a hospice patient. she spent about a month in a hospice bed. yes, she was discharged later, and moreover, she even returned to work, but this month in the hospice, when she lay like a patient in the ward. this

changed her a lot as a leader, as a chief physician. she changed a lot of things. thereafter didn’t have time to change something, because, unfortunately, in what sense, that is, she violated something that was wrong, yes, a lot of things there, being a patient, she kept track of what was wrong with us, she just crawled out to the morning conference, the girls said . what kind of fools are you? why do you come to the ward at night? do you turn on the light? or did she speak? don't you understand that it is not necessary for a person to re-lay underwear when he sleeps, they say, well, how, but we will have to take a shift, other sisters will come at eight. everything should already be all washed be shot at all to sleep. want your mother reasoned in an amazing way. she wrote in such a way that cancer is an interesting disease without flaws during this disease. you can do a lot and continue on. i used to think you’ll be fine quickly without pain, but judge for yourself, let’s say, i quarreled with my daughter, went out into the street and had an accident, as if i should be happy, but what will happen to my daughter, how will she live? the more i live and

work, the more. i understand that hospice is primarily for those who stay, it is primarily an opportunity. for us. for those who stay and will live on for a long time to live a lot with minimal guilt. and with an understanding of the duty done, from an understanding of what we ourselves will want for ourselves from our children or loved ones when we get sick, and we will inevitably get sick. uh-huh and in general, uh, our future is the disease of old age. and if we understand that we take care of mom, dad for loved ones, then we, first of all, make our own life easier in old age. i suggest that we now listen to tatyana drobich, who began working with general together with your mom, and 10 years old. yes, yes, this is a wording for him that the lady is not necessary, we are afraid, i understand people who turned away from this topic, this is true. it's, uh, a special topic, and i think that the people who work in

uniform are volunteers. and uh or people who are connected to the foundation in one way or another. these are only mature people and more sensitive than other minutes, the verla are strong and their whole family are perfect people. unique breed i have no idea how they lived for so many years and how they survived in this reality. in the first moscow hospice there is a unique place for which i can always be responsible, that everything will be there, as it should be humanly according to the conscience of bestism without newton's deceit a young man who was given this. well, this is such a thing, but in my opinion, she was the only one who could take this baton in hospices and miracles happen, and i found these miracles and these miracles me. they also bewitched, so this also remained, because

people who should die go there to leave. and they leave and come back. and this is the greatest miracle which is around this topic around the cosmos well , so that this miracle is not only the return in general, so to speak, the miracle of love happened. you personally spend an incredible amount of time as a result of making it all work. here , at the level that, so to speak, the bar that your mother set, i understand that your husband and your two sons do not see you at home. well, i guess i was lucky, firstly, i have an amazing husband, he is wise and patient. and a very loving second time i was lucky, when i no longer became a mother, and i i understood that in connection with this, the work would become much

larger; i didn’t understand how it was possible at all, because with all the huge pluses. e ilya, he is not a person adapted to life. absolutely. i think, well, well, god just sent me a wonderful nanny zina. it seems to me that my mother fussed there in heaven, and we have such a zina who lives just for children and grandmother and mother. but there is one more thing. hmm, after all, when i got married, when my children were born, i was already working in hospices. i've been doing it for a very long time. but it was in parallel. c well, that is, it was volunteering somewhere, somewhere helping my mother somewhere else , and there was something in this topic, but i was not so deep into it, and i managed to stay with ilya and give birth to two children and enjoy motherhood and understand that i'm absolutely not made to sit, well i couldn't they didn't even ever had a foundation faith for me to go for a walk with a stroller. it was torture. i just imagined some store 4

km away to go there for bread, because then 40 minutes. so you'll be outside with the baby, but it was terribly hard. and now, when they grow up, and when lyova became awesome, he just knows so much about history that i'm ashamed to sit next to him at all, uh, and he tells all this. about misha in general, too. well, they are cool adults and interesting with them. now i'm starting to regret that i'm not enough at home. and yet, probably, genetics somehow affects, because it seems that there are not enough of me, but they are somehow anyway my children turned out to be for some reason and i also remember that i don’t justify myself with this, because i don’t think that i should justify yourself. i also lived with very busy parents. my sister and i even wrote once. we had such a corner in the kitchen, and we wrote a statement on the wallpaper that we demanded to deprive them of parental rights, because when they have a

free evening, instead of being with us, they go somewhere to the movies together, because mom said i need to be with dad alone and we didn’t feel abandoned or unloved, because, probably, i don’t know what is important, but i know for sure that there is in my environment people whose mother, for example, did not work, while there is a girl there, now a 40-year-old was studying at school. well, she has no relationship with her mother. they are not close people and they are for each other. e war. buzova pain, what you want is not the amount of time spent together exactly determines the quality of your relationship with your children, your mother said that you have to work here, you need to leave work behind the fence like this. in general , the conclusion is very fair and, probably, concerns not only, so to speak, difficult ones. how are you to be? maybe emotionally, probably not worth any to drag home, but i have such a suspicion that i bring work to the family in physical terms. i

come with papers. i put them on the table. i say, do not interfere, and i have the mail i have to read this to read in this sense, i do not carry it emotionally and again. well, you see, uh, it means that i always carried this work home with a lie and when i taught at school, and when i worked somewhere else, just because, uh, well, well, well, that's how i love your husband's hard work and listen to your children now. no you will sit when we started dating and living together. uh, you were still next to her mother, not. that was still a volunteer in space. she translated some conferences and so on. here he became more, so to speak, decisive, probably more, one might say, even tough in fact, like anyone else. uh, management and any managerial tasks, uh, do not require. eh, actually enough. eh, the increase in the level of rigidity, let's say it is clear

that both me and the children. i would like my mother to spend more time with us, but uh rejoice and enjoy those minutes and hours that we get in our case, newton and i are very lucky that at a fairly young age we found each other, and we are such a boring husband and wife who have been together for many years. well, perhaps what really helps us. well, so lucky that, in general, what remains unchanged. hmm, we love each other very much. i always appear very much when something interrupts people's appetite at the table, for example, i don't know, you are talking about well, let's say, even about space painting. they say oh i don't have can. we will never have this at home, because we can, i don’t know, talk about the uh situation with someone. mom can talk about it and everyone will calmly

react to it. it's very nice to feel that your family is doing something for you, but we still have jokes there if she comes there at nine, well. in general, before 12:00 we can ask if she has someone like that, what did you do with our mother, mother, however, she jokes a little quite rarely, but we must give her credit, when she jokes she will lose. well, about once a month, but it's worth the wait to give yourself completely to other people, moreover, who often won't even be able to thank you. and it's actually a lot of courage and well, it's really very important, and i'm not sure that i'm capable of that. although i think that my mother also did not think that he was so capable, but she is very very good at it. we are all very proud of ours. a person stops dividing life into black and white

, the brain starts to work, the sooner the better, if it's already one in the morning, and my husband is calling me and went home, who is stronger than a woman or a man, a woman is stronger than a man, to the great regret of all women living in the world. that's all the president of the vera foundation you discuss the topic of death with your children. well, you see, the children's grandparents died when they became my mother, mishka was about 2 years old there. and well, it seems that we did not hide anything at all, but all the same, it was necessary to somehow explain at his level whether he could walk down the street? i say, grandmother, probably, is now looking at us in the sky , she is glad that you are growing up. he suddenly so to me cuddles and says, now it will fall from the sky. what is very bad when a child is not shown a sick grandmother, when there is an absolute displacement

of the theme of the disease of old age and extinction, and then hop, he goes to the cemetery, where there is already a monument. and then a terrible perfect happens, because you had a grandmother, she smiled at you. she gave you candy every time she stood up for you in front of your mother. she said, let's go and figure it out ourselves. suddenly grandmothers. she just stopped being, then you saw crying mom, crying dad, then some of them all walked sad, then hop, a monument. this is a betrayal, because the person who loved you and whom you loved. he just suddenly vanished. it's much more significant, well, much more trauma than the trauma that you receive, because you just live and life hurts. this is fine. no, you say about yourself that 20 years ago for you people were divided into good and bad. and now he does not rush to conclusions and you understand the bad and the good. in general, with equal calm. that's how you phrase it. how about with those manifestations that also happen after all, which you probably observe because death is

such an extreme event that produces the most sometimes paradoxical changes with the inner circle. someone wants to leave to be near, and someone begins to divide property while still standing near living parents. some don't come at all. yes. this can be very disappointing in people on the contrary. hmm it’s impossible to judge, we don’t know what happened in the life of this family, why do they behave like that. and how did their parents behave with them, or maybe it children who actually lived with their grandmother or studied at the five-day period , you understand very easily . and one of the doctors is very

pretty, very able to communicate correctly, she at some point, when the patient became completely ill, she decided to talk to her daughter and say, well, after all, uh, we are more than a hospice about medicine. this is how i would like you to family relationship. i beg you, stay, stay for the night, mom is important. here we 'll talk. so it means rasppihovalsya left did not come back. mom left. without her, after some time it turned out through acquaintances of acquaintances, it turns out for this family. but these here are 5 minutes every few days. it was a feat for a daughter who was abandoned by this mother. and mom never looked for her, and she overcame a lot of everything to at least five times come and be and find mom like this in a hospital bed, and we broke it. we

it's broken. so by judgment, yes, in fact, such families are socially prosperous, when everyone really gathers around the bed, everyone sits side by side, when this is not enough, but you don’t understand this much, not because there are few such families, but because life is completely crazy, that’s the pace, in which we live, he does not allow it. i only understand that and here is my example. and that this is the example that i consciously give to my children. ah. i really wanted my children to see me as a good daughter for their parents. i really wanted to my children came and were there. and when he left, dad and mom, and because i'm terribly afraid, uh, alone. i really don't want to be alone, at the end of my life. who works at the hospice? so you are talking

about your mother, that she had a waterpaste eye, that she was like that, as if miss marple, because of aha, typed people according to the principle, as miss marple does, that this woman looks like a night woman? well, this is my job. horror, how do you select or how life selects people who are able to be close to a person who is definitely leaving, well, select exactly life. those who are not capable, they are somehow quickly eliminated and leave. what can be done? is it possible to select any freaks? delete well, some who come and want loonies - it's some kind of nightmare like tell me what it's like to come. now we will heal everyone. and most importantly, they are such fools that they do not even understand what is on the surface, that they cannot hide these intentions of theirs. and it all comes out in 5 minutes, these come. now they will cure everyone with the laying on of hands, these laying on of feet, these

street therapies. now everyone is healed. well, in general they quite quickly calculate and say, thank you. thank you. we are moving on without you. and here, actually further already to separate. here, there is no recipe. here with diana nevzorova we are somehow used to talking with hospice eyes, we take ours, and i would like to say that i, like my mother, can do it with a pint. i can't, i'm wrong. and hmm sometimes severely mistaken. so, it’s hard to sort things out later, but , in general, bad people don’t come to this area, in principle. that amazing truth that my mother said that we need people, but with a big heart and big that's for sure. so one must be able to be silent, listen and love. i suggest. we are now listening to diana nevzorova, who has also been working with you for many years, many people who come to the hospice think that this is temporary. here, perhaps, work a little here, and then only

an opportunity will appear, only a place will appear. i didn’t manage to leave, because there was a feeling that you would run away from the battlefield and let vera vasilyevna and vera vasilyevna down all this time . work, you have already begun to get high from this , she asked for a long time. it seemed to me that the glue is nonsense. what quality can you get? here and at some point in her questions? i answered. yes, i understand what's good here. and what is interesting here is that we bring good is a fact we bring, but a change in the philosophy itself in relation to patients. it is a fact that we are talking about the fact that this grandmother is demented, annoying aggressive. ah, so sorry for her? not her. a bad person, i somehow made a round in one palliative department in the subject of the russian

federation in the city in the regional and when i asked if such a rather severe external patient, yellow with a clearly painful syndrome, asked, what worries you, she answered me that i'm worried that her husband is not allowed into space. we had one patient. she was about 100 years old and we had one volunteer, and we were looking for her classmate. here we are, of course, everyone thought that, probably, in odnoklassniki, too, she is a 100 man. you live less, probably, a classmate is no longer there. but we were actively looking for him, and the volunteer wrote to him letters were not received. we unfortunately answer, but it was a whole epic how it all happened classmate 100 years old man lived, you know, with the desire to write a letter, we remember the patients. we laugh. we are at general conferences discussing some things, we allow ourselves to joke. and if we come across someone with such a good

sense of humor, we retell it. this is how we remember each other, this is how we pass on these stories. not so, but this is a very important aspect. i think that maybe, many do not even understand that hospice is a free help to incoming for a person, all the help, palliative, that we have in the state, it is free, but they wrote a standard, they need charity, because anyway the state is not capable, as long as you know, even if there was enough money, let's take the countries where palliative care very developed and there is money. for some reason , charity is always present in palliative care. why because any hmm system work, yes, any ministry of health is a kind of template and and in death is not may be a template. well, because one wants e makeup, and the other does not. this one wants to ride a horse. and this one wants to be alone, and this one with friends, this is this, and in general, this one needs to change clothes at 5:00 in the morning, this one only has breakfast at 12:00. and this is the feeling of self and

individuality. this can only be done by a volunteer. only blago construction assistance is only the nurse who built her day and her work for you, if there happens to be a young patient who needs wi-fi, you understand, but he has the truth there is no way to wait until we carry out and provide this system for state money, because in a week he will already be in a coma. i need to do this in 5 minutes, because he, like a pregnant woman, can pass in 10 minutes. and this is a very expensive pleasure. here is the pleasure of the departing is an expensive pleasure. if a person suddenly found the strength to say that he wants ur herring because, well, we have millet porridge. we must provide him with this herring. we are not so spoiled. the people at us people want so little at the end of life. they want something delicious. they want someone to see a classmate to find, as one diana said, no one wants to luggage islands never

met such children have, er, more extravagant needs. well, you know, the most extravagant children's needs can be met with charity in 5 minutes. there we understood that there was a girl who wanted the new year and understood that she would not live to see the new year. simple, so she had to provide new year santa claus snegurochka gifts and even a snow cannon from mosfilm that made snow for her. it is not hard. people feel the need to be good, nothing gives so many opportunities for fulfillment. how much charity is on the palette and i don’t know what we might not need, we need everything. if only i knew exactly the date of my death.