mikhail zadornov, the legendary satirist writer, finally there was light, at the end of the tunnel, only the tunnel, bitch, does not end, we quote his witty phrases. jokes, without even thinking who their author is. well, you really agree. don't even need to. you are ahead of even my speech, he has been on stage and talking to us for more than 30 years. about the most important thing. revival in my opinion, it will begin with russia, it will begin. the motherland is not scanned by a computer especially for you. we have collected the best jokes. u word about america because it is the feeling that i'm already paranoid on tv, well, the crowd that's just our laugh at this phrase , here's a frank interview. i am still a student, and therefore i can do without certain classes. i

like both and the third e, and i still feel self-made, as well as the predictions of mikhail zadornov the usa once again imposed sanctions russia once again placed on what the usa imposed and in the late eighties one of the venerable writers told me said, well, what are you writing? look, your father wrote cupid father, an eternal book for russia, and you are talking about two ninth cars. looked at me and added. that's right they say, among the people, nature rests on children. he didn't hurt me. he just made me think. and that's the rest of my life. i want to dedicate to refuting this is a completely wrong belief. usually

i read such a monologue, beginning with phrases, only here, only in russia. only we, dear teachers , have preserved unique people among you who, without receiving salaries, go to work to receive the pleasure of communication, who still lead amateur circles for free, and there are no such teachers in the world as chemistry teachers who do not have reagents and funds for reagents. they can explain in words how the substance released when these reagents are mixed smells, and only our students can recognize this substance in the exam by the smell described. only we have people of the older generation who trudge

from their gardens of 6 acres. not from 600 from 6 acres , they themselves peel carrots and potatoes with pleasure. we in the west are sure that carrots grow immediately peeled, cut into small pieces and with a barcode, the belgian saw we have peas in pods, says how witty russians you are such packaging for peas, we still have parents who do not charge rent from children for living in the house after 16 years, because we have children in russia, and not heirs, only our parents take care of the children until they retire. we have unique women. only our women bake pies for the arrival of guests. only our women produce culinary masterpieces from what was left in the fridge. if

a guest comes unexpectedly, they will not keep him in the hallway, finding out why he came without an invitation. we will feed him without asking if he wants to eat at all or not? we have unique women. i was at the airport in yakutsk waiting to board the plane early in the morning in a bar. i’m sitting drinking coffee, suddenly you know how such a window happens in the dishwasher , a woman already quite old sticks out from there. well, how do you describe her, well, it's scary to look at her teeth. not just steel, they are rusty. and she tells me at once, which nowhere in the world no one will tell. she says, oh, it's you, i wait. i 'll give you now my homemade jam there. not a single delirium pete in any los angeles, not a single

dishwasher will give homemade jam for free , only our women can do it. we have preserved unformatted impulses of a large-format soul in russia on a bus. they stole a woman's purse. the salary was small, but also blood earned. she burst into tears and some man suddenly. yes, i just took it out and gave her 50 rubles. yes not to sob. as a result, the entire bus threw itself off. and even the conductor gave money and took it from the cash desk and said, i still take it every day. this is where it will come in handy. know that only in russian the word rich comes from the word god , in no other language is there this mystery in whom god is rich. sorry front row. about whom

there is a lot of money, that collector is a disaster, that poor secret is preserved in the russian language, such as i personally have not seen in other languages, for example, the word bogatyr came from two old words slavic god, and first save up, that is, the bogatyr is a man who has accumulated god michael please tell me, there is such an expression of a mysterious russian nature. and how do you really think russians have a mysterious soul, indeed, we are different, and when they say mysterious, mysterious for foreigners, in my opinion. they are very rational in the west. here is a wonderful philosopher. zinoviev is such a western expression, e, he does not seem to regard capitalism. socialism is called western. i understand this, as life for a certain the formula is the life of such biorobots, and the russian person

is different in that he feels much better. in my opinion. i express my point of view, it is inherent in us. uh, much more energy and feelings and examples. i can cite a mass, even in the russian language there is more feeling. have you noticed that well , let's say a line. you are still alive, my old woman, yeseninskaya, it is practically impossible to translate into english, because the word is alive of such a single word in english no there is a word either alive or dead, that is, the west below - this is the life of a tulovich. here you are either alive or dead with us, living, obsolete , survivors, not living. e, obsolete non-perience, recalling , that is, we can form words, according to the nuances of our experiences. this is absolutely incomprehensible to foreigners to slander. you will not translate into any language of the world, because from the word sandal in english you cannot form the word for sandal. and here you can sandal for sandals, you can sandal there, for example, yes, and we don’t calculate

for the west, but in this our grandiose, i generally think that the west hates russians for this, because that he cannot understand, cannot stink of us, and is insanely jealous because they are coded. and we haven't yet. and if the renaissance in my opinion , it will begin with russia, it will begin with our feelings. only in russia the concept of the motherland of the state is different concepts only in russia they speak according to the law or justice. this cannot be translated into any language of the world, therefore, when they attack us, they attack our state, the germans calculate that their state is stronger than tanks, more planes , more officers, more beautiful uniforms, shiny boots, than the right state they have is stronger, and our homeland. they attack our state, and they receive it directly from the motherland. they do not know that we have a motherland, but it is not calculated. the motherland

is not scanned by a computer. only in russia there is a call for the motherland. nowhere in the world is this. that's right, you think correctly, you represent the americans fighting in iraq with the slogan for the motherland for our californian oil. we did not have colonies, one was alaska, and then they gave it away. do you know why the king said, we will not feed her alaska, what is this a colony that needs to be fed all the countries robbed? we have our indians, our siberian udyghes there, no one ever drove them into the reservations nanai and we were aggressive there was such a bishop. innokenty, he read the bible to the nanais, translated into the nai language in koryak into koryak, you represent the american spanish constitution, who reads the bible in simenol, this is why they never talk about themselves, but the conquests of america

yes, they said you want to be baptized be baptized. who do you want to be, they said, what will we be vasily? do not want will you be a fedora? our women were not executed at the stake. what kind of aggressive we are, we didn’t burn, glory. god's dads were womanizers all their lives and low worshipers. but now you look, here i am on the beach in riga looking at a woman walking. i immediately see what nationality this beautiful slender girl is all in her eyes, dusty, so lively, tenacious, they look at all the men in what glasses. uh, what swimming trunks at the sight of her men pick up their bellies, this is russian . uh, there is also a beautiful eye sluggish latvian

already everything western education reform is all this man is such a dumpling. uh, from the point of view of energy, chingachgook is coming along . you know, this is such a big snake, here is a german, an englishwoman. you see, you look, well, the men immediately release their bellies, this is already useless. yes, there is no need to choose, because here you are looking at european women. you see there was an inquisition profile. it's just that it's not a woman, then the weather vane chingachgook big serpent. and they call us, they call our faith orthodox, as you know, for what we switched to latin, we kept our native language, that is, those who love their native language, those orthodoxly, it turns out that they are already the results of the war, they say i can’t have a second revision. so sort it out. yes, everything is possible, by the way, our crusades never went under

the name. uh, jesus wasn't conquered by other countries. and now they have changed the slogan then in the name of jesus and now, in the name of democracy, everything about our crusaders has been destroyed, you know where on lake peipus? this was the first meeting on ice in hockey. and they are stupid, then they were still in armor and climbed. in the battle of the groonwald, they were forever defeated like that, that never again did the crusaders go on campaigns against anyone. that's why they can't stand us. and today, even the results of the second world war are being reviewed, and this is also included in the education reform, because first to digitize our youth, and then to impose a different history and other views to destroy the homeland in the name of the state, the latvian is already telling me, you russians are aggressive. everything, latvia has already fallen under this influence. they tell me latvian speaks russian.

you are aggressive. i say, why do you know that he answered me you attacked the swedes, near poltava fine. and how did they get there? can you answer me? these six countries were formed anti-russian so aggressive that fell under the influence of the americans, they seem to treat us well now it is poland latvia lithuania estonia ukraine georgia six countries the big six they are persuading them to join, but the germans, and germany france refused know why they are already with russia fought. they do exist. the west is evil spirits, which, which extends to us, if not a film, then hollywood vileness, that they a literary work, then the evil spirits are continuous demonism. we did not have this demonism. our

museums did not have security frames. we didn't have pornography. we didn't have a casino. we didn't have drugs. there was no aids. everything came from the west, as everything from there fell on us. here the west cannot understand us, right. because we often act according to the will of the heart. the word will is not translatable into the western language. will is captivity by an afrid, this is freedom. they will is a legal concept, they have legal concepts, but no. here are those going from cordiality, just as they have no words for achievement, because it is about moving forward, but they have heroism. why do they have grandma's medals. devilish smart there is an expression, but devilish hearty can not be said people have always exactly we did not exist so devilishly as western

civilizations. they are always smarter than us rational us from the word. west did not happen a single good word trap zapadlo. you know, there is an amazing russian expression, you all know it, but not everyone, maybe understand its meaning to learn, mind mind, mind mind must be in harmony, what is mind mind? this is europe this is the west, he is a smart mind - this is a car, and the mind is the driver of this car, if the driver is bad, a catastrophe is inevitable, so they live smart from the catastrophe of a catastrophe, and the east is the mind, but without a car. so he can't even earn money. this is how solid indian bums all over retired with a bridge between the mind and the mind can only become slavic peoples if they break rational thinking without losing

creativity, because asia asia we are eurasia and the word asia from what is the meaning of the basics and i and europe, we have nothing to learn from europe's mind. yes, but no minds, why do not we learn from them, for example. to put the plumbing right at home, they always have cold water from the tap, as they have achieved this, cold water flows. well, it doesn’t happen to them that in the summer boiling water flows from two taps, well, it doesn’t happen in the showers in all the curtains, some sort of flap closes, they don’t have such a shower all over the room. that's how it sprayed in all directions. and you're in a vacuum like this here you are standing under the shower, it splashes on everything, except they don’t have it on you, so that the strainer flies from the shower hits you on the head and you have to hold it the whole room laughs, because everyone was doing it. in their

bath, people come to sit on the shelves, they are on a nail, and from which you jump on those instantly. why don't we learn from them how to make plumbing for friends, they can drink water from the tap, their teeth do not become like cave stalactites. and how do they brush the teeth of the americans. you have to learn to brush your teeth for 45 minutes. that's how it's like how to deck a mop. these are ours and that’s all, and he ran away, the once already creative hemisphere worked for him. therefore, they do not have such a number of golden-toothed aunts, which, when bunnies smile bloody in the eyes. why don't we learn respect for a person from them, when the members of the government, the most senior ones go to work, the traffic is not blocked so that the ambulance cannot get to the dying. they

don't have three-lane traffic on their roads with a middle lane for both directions. they have a concern for a person on sharp dangerous turns. if you don’t fit in, you hit such a plastic barrel filled with water, the impact is softened by our concrete pillars. here they are, that is, there is no hope left. they have trash cans all over the streets. their toilets do not smell like entrances. to understand if the toilet is busy or not? they do not need to look under the shore. so that's the sign of such a leg sticking out there, which means they are busy. this is the ability to think and create. i think, i think, in general, it is not accidental among russians

there is a danger that the end of the world will come on earth. and to continue the human race, the russians must survive. the maasai and the chukchi americans will not survive in their supermarket electricity went out in new york, the panic was the screams of the terrorists. in belgorod, a year ago, electricity went out in a supermarket. no screams terrorist 10 seconds of complete silence and champing with blows take your hands off your hands . i already took it. when the light turned on, then the sausages lay in the right place bitten on four sides by different teeth. and all

noticed that when the lights turned on in the supermarket, the minimarket somehow turned from different mikhail nikolaevich you can’t explain if there is some connection between the russian root ber and the name e, the city of berlin in germany you know, i'm lately i'll start from afar. okay, you can andrey the fact is that i really traveled a lot. and when i travel, even on tour, suddenly some moments related to our history began to open up to me, and i it seemed so interesting, and i, when i realized that history was different from the one that was presented to us not only in soviet times, but also in tsarist times, and not the same history as it is presented now. i really wanted to share this with people in order to intrigue you. i'll tell you, i was at the excavations. cities stood on our

territory, 20,000 people lived in them 6,000 years before our era, 3,500 years remained before the construction of the pyramids. and we had cities, but there were no cities, and the future slavic lands were swedes and normans called the country of city guardians, and in the urals i was in the city at the excavations of the city of arkaim, where bronze was obtained by our ancestors 500 years before it came to europe in greece, what you know is the stonehenge on the kola peninsula of these stonehenges at every step , by the way, well, just no one pays attention to it. yes, i was interested. i traveled everywhere, and of course. along the way, i began to engage in the so-called we ourselves came up with this word for the archeology of the russian language, because i'm not a scientific person, so i fantasy i call it fantasy, weary romance. that's it, and no one will complain. well,

the humorist didn’t fantasize and that’s all. here they laughed and dispersed, but nevertheless it turned out the following. now i will say that. why will i be accused and anathematized? turned out to be in the stone age. all people were the first people , they spoke the native language, which was the russian language, that is, not only russian, of course, belarusian ukrainian. in general , a group of slavic languages, why did they remain a carrier? yes, they stayed in this territory, where life began. in russian, hidden in words are such secrets that show us how speech was formed in general. after all , no one knows where the chair comes from. and andrey asked a question, very interesting where did the word, berlin come from. just imagine an ancient man. when there were no words, there were atoms, there are sounds, but there are atoms. and

what are sounds to me quantum physicists, they say you are right, the strongest sound used is a sound wave. and o i limit it. this is a sound that unites oh, and mr. god sets the border, this is only in russian there is a correspondence even with the wave process bo, this action was meant in the ancient world and there were other syllables, for example. it’s scary, and now the spirit of the raging elements of our ancestors was called ber in a man, ber played out and was associated with animals, and therefore ber was associated with whom. of course, with a bear with friends, a connecting rod, and therefore what is a recumbent berber ha is a recumbent century, and the lair

was swept in the field behind a tree so that there was something to catch on to the snow and the tree was called a birch. and later the birch turned out to be, my friends are the most berlog place in the world, where there was the most den in europe, where it stands, berlin and when i told the germans about it they say, and on our coat of arms of berlin, uh, the bear is drawn, what happened next, the magi, our clergymen said, do not put there, the city do not put the village you wake up two vera put called the village berlozhye. then the magi said, at least you add the ending of yin, so that the female energy balances the spirit, the raging vera was added and the village of berlin began to be called, but europe is boys, not women, they came up with

the legend that eve was created from the rib of adam e, the rib in russian, only the correct meaning has the question of the rib - this is the essence of the rib. this is a question in essence, that is, eve was made in essence. like adam as a man, they will clamp the spools. and europe did not want to know this. the boys came to power. and they threw out the soft sign berlin remained and what happened? for centuries, duhber has spilled over to other peoples. and if not for in the forty-first year, we did not hold it back, it would have continued to splash out. you look like in one word. how much is concluded interesting, i recently realized why we live so unorganized. for centuries, generations, we do n’t even live to survive, because we have the greatest mission among the slavic peoples. think about saving life on earth after the end of the world. i understand this is sad,

some nod their heads, they say they agree with me, for example, i will not be unfounded western, the so -called civilized people. if some kind of ataklism happens, money simply won’t survive, because after the end of the world there won’t be, they can’t live without money can. what difference does it make to us? what is the end of the world anyway? think about it, these are explosions of an earthquake, dirt, slush, off-road. clear. garbage will be scattered everywhere , gas will be heated, electricity will be turned off, everything will be turned off, that is, in almost many of our cities. the coming of this end of the world. they won't even notice. we are the only ones who can eat what we have. for example, go to the forest and eat. in the west , they don’t eat mushrooms, and they think that once it grows on earth, it means that dirt, like this dirt, dirt, does not happen for free. scientists have generally discovered what sits in us

a very rare microbe thanks to this microbe any dirt. we are sterilized inside. only we will survive. end of the world, what will they do without drugs without pharmacies. in our country, the majority of the population has not used any drugs for a long time, not doctors, barley jumped up under the eye first, where to see a doctor, to a neighbor, what to do yes, dear, spit in your own eye and it turns out. i personally read useful advice from russian healers in a book, no one in the west would think of such useful advice . do you have a headache? ready lie down on the bed, take ready a cat or a raccoon. this is only a russian can think of put on your head. and lie down like this until the animal attention begins to carry its tail over your head. they are

cowards and weaklings in the west, compared to us. even the message scares them that it will snow tomorrow. this is their good reason. don't go to work tomorrow. so, we don’t need to be afraid of them, if the mess starts, we won’t even need nuclear weapons. we will throw snowballs at them. i traveled a lot in russia and, oddly enough, with the most interesting people for me today have become ordinary people, not film directors, not actors, ordinary people know something that capital people often don’t know until you answer the question. well, everything, so for free. come on, here's the image who was arseniev's conductor to the hall? you can get an autograph. you deserve

an autograph. no, well, that 's it, it deserves your decision. now a passport really, but it's not scary. in memory of sergei , the launch of the palisa. 204 your 107 wait, why did you put us in different rooms? you are not scheduled, as i have you in one number of efforts. we live together at the house of priestesses, as you wish, and here in the sanatorium cipher new series tomorrow after the program

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cheaper, sausage, boiled stary gorsk 99.99 more discounts in the mobile application magnet foreigners. they don't call us fools. in vain they are all fools, compared to us. all of course, something they invented telephone boxes. they wandered them. but we were the first to think of how to call them without two kopecks. they invented plastic bags, but none of the americans would even guess that they can be washed and turned inside out to dry on a clothesline with clothespins. i saw them on tv show. children in schools. never write off. do you know why she doesn’t know that it is possible to write off the underdeveloped from childhood, and not the stupid, not a single french woman will guess to roll out the dough with a zhiguli beer bottle or suck mosquitoes with a vacuum cleaner before going to bed. you are definitely doing all this

according to your reaction, and so that now fashionable freckles appear sunbathing in early spring on the balcony with a colander on your face. they are stupid. i gave one german our account and he thought a massager for the back. passport inspector marina, you talk about politics so often, all your monologues are so or otherwise related to this topic. why don't you leave yourself? are you in politics? thank you after all, we who went to the komsomol, the trade union and the party those who did not have, who had the ability. uh, hmm to art went to art to medicine to medicine. he is no one who went there, and today they go into politics, in principle, those who do not have the opportunity and ability for something else to express themselves. they go in general to do dirty

work in the late eighties. i noticed that we jokes come true. i'll joke about something, something completely paradoxical hop, realized in life. me even the viewers who noticed that we hmm jokes come true. uh, they send letters like this. write at least something good, maybe it will come true. i tried. i didn't get anything . that is the title of this essay. well, so call me some predicted. so, first of all, the stars in the sky show that in the not too distant future , you know, things will not be so bad in many cities, power outages will stop, because in these cities the electricity will be turned off during vladivostok heating will work around the clock, but only in july. economists put forward a theory of how to make russia an evenly rich country, for this you just need to evenly settle the rich in russia, the poor,

drive out psychics from the country. as before, they will successfully treat healthy people. well done just fine. you know very little about this phrase, who reacts to a psychic who will master a new type of treatment, removing teeth from a photograph, as well as removing a criminal record from identikit. but as part of the fight against smoking, the ministry of health warns that the release of cigarettes with reduced cigarette content. in a pack , the medicine will benefit only those who sell it . will please oh will please with his discoveries of art. firstly, veda will be found, and finally, the sitter who

posed for the brilliant russian artist kazimir malevich. awesome room, but you have to. you don’t even need to agree, yes, who posed for molevich for his famous painting black square. well, if only the intelligentsia in the hall. sorry hooligan. allow for you will also be found, and the one who chooses made his works. how are you not ashamed? shame on you, the breeches made vases and necklaces, everyone thought of one student. anyway. we are now trying to look up to america. do you think this is good? are we losing our native russian thanks. well , how can you say something? in short. me, when i'm still in the

country, on the one hand, i'm madly worried when i see inscriptions in english, because i i don't understand at all. why in russia there are inscriptions in english, so that the food is a hot dog old people, they say we don’t know where to buy anything. here the old woman is worth considering the shop-shop says that you are dead and this. she correctly put it from the people, the country has gone crazy russian people, they always say ok well, we try, and they brought it to the point that i saw two old women in the village during the bolsheviks in siberia. let me finish, uh, they were walking along one another. she says jesus is risen frolovna. says ok nikitichna and moreover, it is humiliating for russian people. here in my opinion. well, we have our own russian beautiful normal words. right, our man is in many ways dearer to me than the americans never on

the roads . it's because you're speeding that you should be arrested. we have somehow everyone in solidarity against the authorities with the other. here's a filthy cop you're nobody, that is, in the right. this is where it doesn't work for you. american films right now , i’ll formulate these are films shot according to the first signal system of pavlov’s reflexes, that is, that is bummed the buttock showed air, saliva went and uh, look more and more russian people in all cities come stalls asking for russian films. no, or soviet, because they other americans cannot watch our films, they are not interested. it's uh, they can't watch nikita mikhalkov, they can't watch movies. ryazanov say. here uh, well, the most such. uh, banal hello . enjoy your bath. they don't understand, there's no racing , no shooting. uh, oil rig, they need

the oil rig to get scratched at the end slightly heroes. there prevented a farewell kiss. uh, schwarzenegger, because the aptels hit and broke and we were brought up in a different culture. yes, we go into the american front doors, wonderful neat people live in our front door. uh, well, you're talking to our man. interestingly, a person talking to an american is a barbarian. you know, i knew, i have one american who argued that napoleon was defeated by the americans. not everyone understands. well , it doesn’t matter, moreover, i didn’t even argue with him. i am said, and you did it on your territory. here. and he didn't argue with me either. i told him something else there, they say it was winter. so you drove napoleon across the arctic ocean to paris and the belarusian partisans ran out of the icebergs. and uh, he did

n't even smile. they are patriots diary of an american soldier emails from the front. that's just our laugh at this phrase. it will not be clear to americans what is funny here, but emails about us die with laughter. oops, email from the front. had number one hello darling today we are having a holiday at our military base. we are flying to iraq. it is very far away. guys, they say, even further than mexico, the team did not warn the war would be hard there, it's hot. the sergeant claims that iraq is in the very south of africa, but the colonel, who used to teach geography, said that the sergeant was ignorant, and that iraq was not in the south of africa but in the north of india. and in the morning our

president called us all on a pager. he explained that the iraqi leader does not want to share the oil. it means he is against democracy. and now america's main debt bring democracy to iraq, as we the american people are the world's chief peddler of democracy. we are confident in the imminent victory because we have the most modern weapons, anti-personnel diapers, explosives with the taste of wild berries, we can’t understand one thing, how to say iran or iraq is correct and don’t worry about me, dear, in this war with me. everything will be okay. i took sunscreen , they were born, they beat cancer, you know, it's like a professional boxer bragging that he knocked out a bum. email number two, hello honey we flew to iraq

it's really hot here, apparently it 's not india after all the people don't look like indians at all . also only ours understand, again abroad. this is a joke. does not work. on the other hand , he clarified to the colonel in the commands that it is correct to call the country cancer and iran. it turns out that this is such a radioactive substance iran-238. the level of education in the hall. yes, he completely warned us that hostilities would begin tomorrow. he learned this on the radio with us the british will fight the spaniards poles, but did not say on which side. of course, the command frightened us with the fact that in this war there would be inhuman hardships in the dugouts there are no air conditioners, and the cops without showers, but we americans, my heroes, we will survive everything even if during the battle they don’t distribute coca-cola with ice, and

in the evening in camp with songs and screeching drove camouflaged carts with trunks. it came to fight, the ukrainian chemical defense battalion. they look very nice against the background of the desert in their forest camouflage. all green camouflage suits on the heads of the tree branches of the penka officers so that they can be distinguished during the bombing. some estonians, lithuanians, latvians, arrived for the ukrainians, the sergeant claims that these are tribes from american reservations that are located in the back of europe, however, these tribes, good, they brought humanitarian aid to iraqi children. estonians two trucks with baby food. lithuanians have four truckloads of children's clothes, and latvians have 200 truckloads of

latvian language textbooks. had number three, today we first took position, iraqis turned out to be savages. they do not understand that we are occupying their village legally with the approval of the us senate. and the day before yesterday the day before yesterday. in general, they treacherously fired at our plane peacefully, the command that bombed their cities warned us the strictest, so that no one would surrender, the iraqi military terribly tortured us, they didn’t give them popcorn, they took away the dvd player forbidden to use floss to clean the interdental space. but we feel like heroes and say the whole world has already responded to the war on cancer. britney spears is learning iraqi madonna has grown a beard and released a new book in bed. but the worst thing was given to us by ukrainian gas masks. they smelled so much of lard and

garlic. that we decided we would breathe better and , moreover, with sarin, tell your son, dad, he will definitely return alive, if he is not put on, a ukrainian gas mask. had number four. every day we have to, it's getting harder here for a month already, we smell the smell of garlic, that somewhere nearby there is a ukrainian chemical protection battalion, if the wind does not change in the coming days, we'll be finished. recently, from this smell, our sergeant's hull was spinning so much that he fell from an armored personnel carrier, the nurse gave him an injection, but he sued her for sexual harassment of airaktsy, the iraqis turned out to be barbarians. they don't know that we are the strongest in the world and keep attacking us all the time with our latest laser positron

device. for glitching, enemy scopes don't work because those savages don't have scopes last week. they sent us a supernova helicopter that flies so low that they are not detected by any tracking systems. so the day before yesterday some iraqi peasant. which this helicopter interfered with to cultivate the field. shot him down with a hoe, the pentagon sued him for using an unauthorized weapon; he , the president, threw out an uzi need 5 billion for anti-hoe protection and anti-shovel doctrine, since the past anti-shovel doctrine is outdated. email number five today is the worst day somewhere i got lost, a camping popcorn maker and a field mcdonald's o our tanks' offensive

stopped, because at the traffic light near baghdad, a red light lit up, it turned out they had savages spoiled traffic lights. we stood at the crossroads until evening. the sergeant says, if it weren't for the iraqis, we would have defeated them long ago. had number six. we came close to baghdad, on the way we met a lot of dry trees with twisted leaves, a lot of dead birds and insects and moles with bulging eyes, so i passed here. ukrainian kinzashchita battalion, well, you really don’t even need to finish speaking. you are even ahead of my speech. the ukrainian battalion helped us out. unable to withstand the smell of onions, iraqi troops fled from the city. after that we heroically

entered it. had the number seven, dear, you can congratulate us thanks to the resourcefulness of the sergeant. we captured 34 husseins, which is 11 more husseins. what captured the neighbor with us. a platoon of ukrainians, in general, they captured only eight, khuseinov, of which two women and one cat. all hussein is being sent to the dna mustache audition nicely won. our hussein in the jury installed exactly. is he now establishing who he is? but the president sent us all congratulations by text messages. congratulated on the successful completion of the operation stressed that we america is a peace-loving power, so we will not leave the world alone. and soon we will carry it to north korea, the sergeant said north korea is a lake in the pacific ocean, but to war with us. it

is not ready for korea. fanta was not brought to korea. ps according to the scriptum of the same day, looting began in baghdad and we were suddenly attacked by the ukrainian chemical defense battalion. he tried to take away from us everything that we took from the slaves, it turned out that the ukrainians were not paid wages at all, they said that if you were in iraq, then yours. there were no such strong battles in the entire war, if i don’t return, tell your son his father was a real american peacekeeper, a heroic peddler of democracy. this is not the full composition of the solyakov family, there is still pavel denisovich, he needs to appear, because he is a full-fledged member

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best friends here, mothematics saved my symphony. what fireworks does the city scribble? do i owe everything to my parents? this is the basis of which they played a major role in my life, and then, of course, the aviation institute, and i did a lot

of why i learned at the aviation institute and, uh, from build rows and potatoes and amateur performances. oh even hold back in booze. i learned to kiss her in moscow , uh, i still do. i am still a student. and so i can, without certain occupations. i like both, and the third, and i still feel like amateur performance amateur performance. excuse the expression - that's the fun it's for torinki in the eyes of me, when i become a professional. i remember our amateur years, and it helps me out. here it is this common people he applaud. now, if in moscow you perform in front of some kind of elite hall, never any areas, they are cool to me too. but this is what i love.

now let's go out onto the stage, they will hug them for themselves, some put up protection of protection, you can break through the hug without destroying it. you know, i don't say anything about america on purpose because it feels like i'm already paranoid on tv. but you know, what's interesting is that i wanted to tell you something that the audience and viewers do not know, an interesting effect turned out, and people began to approach me on the streets and say we visited america. you are right. they are so dumb. i am i say, you tell me, after that

listen, how many letters i receive. it is so interesting to read the letters of people who have been to america and everyone has some kind of observation. i have a feeling that in russia they began to laugh at the americans more than at the chukchi. and such interesting cases the day before yesterday two young men stopped me on the street. they say we had an internship in america. you can't imagine how we remembered you every day. we cooked potatoes. they tell me, and they ask the americans in hostel. why do you say potatoes that you can’t buy, we’ll choose cheaper, they say, and how do you check the readiness of this potato, well, the crowd that’s exactly what they say, well, we don’t tell them that you are stupid. and we tell them, well, like a fork. look, you continue to talk, and then we began to boil eggs. do you know that i'm glad russia

has joined the right game? well, we are laughing at the chukchi. but what is above the american lifestyle is a lifestyle, not don, americans, americans, kind, they are very kind inside, they believe that it is necessary to destroy cancer in a kind way, but they don’t think so, they are sure that jesus taught when he hit on the right cheek. substitute yourself to the left with a hook from below at this time they are really kind and undereducated. they are up to an educated person very easily. send in any direction. now they send me uh instructions, uh, which are issued in america for various kinds of instructions. items. well, i 've seen many of them myself. for example, i bought a blanket in america and there it was written in the instructions for the blanket not to use it. how to protect yourself from tornadoes. well means useless purchase made, as a matter of fact. they also write all the iron in the instructions it says not to iron clothes on yourself. hairdryer in

the instructions there is an entry such as not to use a hair dryer in a dream. have you ever tried using a hair dryer in your sleep? well, in texas, i saw, uh, a memo in the cab of a truck. by the way, at first i thought that i misunderstood this memo, but then they explained to me that i understood everything correctly? the driver , remember that the objects reflected in the side mirrors are behind you, not in front of you. and in instructions for sparklers are written not to be taken in the mouth. but everyone wants to know i have one thing, but stupid. this is what a degree of stupidity one must have in order to write on only one head on a swimming cap. but all the records were broken by the instructions for the american chainsaw, which i saw with my own eyes. rather, they sent me again. this wonderful

process people have included in this process. i apologize, but i will literally translate, yes, what is written there. please do not stop the chainsaw with bare hands or genitals? do you know friends? that's when i tell it all, when we laugh. i know one thing, we have hopes that we will not become like that, and and in this sense, i really like zhvanetsky 's parody of me on the one hand. man of genius. still, mikhail mikhailovich is one phrase, but he immediately destroyed me completely with my work. on the one hand, i say that we are not hopeless, but on the other hand, i say that, uh, hmm, i tell everything that i see in our life, and his parody me like that. well, of course, it's his voice to say, finally there was light, at the end of the tunnel, only the tunnel, bitch, does not end. all

the prediction in the end was 2018, russia groaned from the 34th level of economic sanctions, the us state department issued the third volume with lists. who should not come to the usa europe drowned with firewood. firewood was supplied from siberia in kiev firewood was stolen by the united states once again imposed sanctions russia once again placed on what the united states imposed in creativity listen and hear those my thoughts that are

directed. from how to formulate in such a way that can help a person of distortion to come out in truth? i'm not interested anymore. if they pay me for these thoughts, i will take the money, if they don’t pay, it doesn’t matter either. and so i will express, because the books that come out. i get very little money for them. therefore, i speak so that there are opportunities to write books. uh, so let's say or meet, and to have a library, to have a library to hold meetings with people. and behold, i i think that, to be honest, that's probably the most. the main question is your forecast for the future of our country. more specifically, what do you think about the theory of the golden billion. so, you know the golden billion to me, i don’t care at all, i have to tell him. e because i generally have a special relationship with the rich. uh, i have a different philosophy, you just have to

lose your desire and everything will be uh, they poor fellows do not know this. uh, by the way, i'll read it to you then. okay, i won't read. i have nothing to do with the golden billion . e, i, uh, it's parallel to me a life. eh, they just don't interest me. uh, i absolutely know what you are talking about, uh, v i think that it will collapse very soon, it will not exist, and in the future i must tell you that i made a train across russia for myself. the conclusion is that springs of living water have appeared in russia fontanelles, and soon they will gather in streams, and then we will be in full-flowing rivers, and young people will already be engaged in this, and i have a very good feeling about our russia, it is not arranged or equipped, but it has the life of the soul, after all, i spoke in television when we look into the room and no one

is there. we speak not a soul, but in english there is no torso for them, the torso is more important - this will be more important. and we continue to move forward with our language ourselves, without feeling it, but i want to. for this process to be conscious, for people to say, don’t thank you, but thank you, to understand the difference between the mind and the mind, cool youth i was born, i’ll tell you that somehow it happened that when i began to travel around the country, grew a beard and my generation stopped me they began to recognize and began to recognize, the young ones have such a tenacious memory, the processor works quickly, and they began to approach and ask questions. and so interesting to listen to. they hear all their beacons. no, they are educated. maybe it’s good that they do n’t have an education and there’s nothing for them to have that kind of education, and they hear me saying that i decided on this telecyem program, this is addressed to young people so that they already know where real life is. i want to tell you. that the manifestation of god

on earth is three: nature, love and feeling humor nature helps us to live love to survive, and humor to survive white snows fall, as if gliding along a thread to live and live in the world. yes, probably, it is impossible for someone's souls to disappear without a trace. in the distance, like white snows go to the sky. white snows are falling, and i will also leave. i do not grieve about death and do not expect immortality. i don't believe in miracles. i am not snow, nor a star, i

will never be again. in the end, i have to say the main thing. save god be rich in our original sense of the word and all together our slavic native ura thank you, thank you, even with you and i don't want to part anyway. what do you show for your cheering for the first time with a beard? because the east is not europe everything, i can't do anything else.

hello hello dear viewers. we welcome you at the banquet stage of the project , we will go to the kitchen of the whole country, the main intrigue of the banquet, what will be the soil, it’s clear that with wonderful songs, but what is the topic of today’s meeting estrada in her table reading is a difficult task, but with 3 million rubles. it's worth it. by the way, who will get the main prize of our project. this

the sweetest wonderful people at the next table will decide. hello dear neighbors. i greet the old-timers of our jury from kryuchkov's advertising karina andolenko jean miller is terribly glad to see you again and especially andrey novosel yes, all our participants, all our wonderful companies are in the hall, and they hear you see. please tell us how they bake today so that you like it the most? i really want to wish you that today everything was in joy, you understand, it’s easy and good, then you will easy. we will be warmer at heart. i wish everyone not to worry, but to surrender to the song so much that we all want to sing along to you.