give the signal faster. what does it mean full aleskaput? history, deer blood under the mask of a sheep watered salev, i went to visit him as a neighbor. he dragged me into the thicket by force, shattered my hopes and was such a son, my other flesh could melt , perish, evaporate. what kind of flesh hamlet i was forced to put on his covers to cover my note?

nothing to say, well done, i'm an evil genius, well, you are benefactors. you wish him happiness, and of course i'm evil, that's what kostya i'll tell you. i ’m not a velor gun. go away, so kostya. you are still young and very much you are not given to understand the hammer,

i confess they did not let me, as today i have already listened to a similar criminal code and still believe the historian to make happy against desire it is impossible in 25. and where have you been? where was it to be ordered, muddler? i was looking for a car, it is worth waiting faster, it is necessary to catch up with savransky. this is utopia

, and a little bit of

moscow in the fifties, they have already disappeared around the corner. the 60s and the 70s

passed by and the 80s sprouted both of us are changing in age, moscow is getting younger, and i am getting older. where are you now, my youths, you disinterested girlfriends? were you young or not? who will answer, where did you go? and only the jack wind does not bore the garden to cover your tracks. became blue gave brighter, damn it.

mikhail zadornov is a legendary satirist writer, light has finally appeared, at the end of the tunnel, only the tunnel, bitch, does not end, we quote his witty phrases and jokes. without even thinking who their author is. well, you really agree. don't even need to. you are even ahead of my speech, he has been on stage and talking to us for more than 30 years. about the most important thing. renaissance in my mind will begin it will begin with russia. motherland is not scanned by a computer especially for you. we have collected the best jokes. already on tv well, the crowds are frank

interviews and so i can, without certain occupations. once again i like the usa and in the late eighties one of the venerable writers told me, well, what are you writing? look, your father wrote father amur an eternal book for russia, and you are talking about two ninth cars. looked at me and added. that's right they say, among the people, nature rests on children. he is not

offended me. he just made me think. and that's the rest of my life. i want to dedicate to refuting this is a completely wrong belief. a monologue that begins with phrases, only we have only in russia only we, dear teachers, have preserved unique people among you who go to work without receiving salaries to enjoy communication, who still lead amateur circles for free, and chemistry teachers do not have such teachers in world without reagents and funds for reagents. they can explain in words how the discharge smells

when these reagents are mixed, the substance and only our students can recognize this substance in the exam by the smell described. only we have people of the older generation who trudge from their gardens to six acres. not from the 600s, from 6 acres, they themselves peel carrots and potatoes with pleasure in the west, they are sure that carrots grow immediately peeled, cut into small pieces and with a bar code. the belgian saw we have peas in pods, he says, what witty russians you are , he came up with such a package for peas. we still have parents who don't take rent from their children. payment for the fact that they live in their house after 16 years, because we have children in russia, and not heirs , only our parents take care of the children until they

retire. we have unique women. only our women bake pies for the arrival of guests. only our women get culinary masterpieces from what is left in the refrigerator. if a guest comes unexpectedly, they will not keep him in the hallway, finding out why he came without an invitation. they will feed us, they ask him if he wants to eat at all or not? we have unique women i am at the airport in yakutsk waiting to board the plane early in the morning in a bar. i’m sitting drinking coffee and suddenly you know how such a window in the dishwasher happens, a woman already quite old sticks out from there. well, how do you describe her, well, it's scary to look at her teeth. not just steel, they are rusty. and she tells me a phrase that nowhere in the world no one

will say. she says, oh, it's you, i wait. i 'll make you my homemade jam now. no brad pete in los angeles, no dishwasher will give homemade jam for free only our women can do it. we have preserved unformatted impulses of a large-format soul in russia on a bus. they stole a woman's wallet. the salary was small, but then we earned blood, it was heard and some man suddenly. yes, i just took it out and gave her 50 rubles. yes , so as not to cry. as a result, the entire bus threw itself off. and even the conductor gave money and took it from the cashier and said, i still take it every day. this is where it will come in handy. know that only in

russian the word rich comes from the word god in no other language is this mystery in whom god is much that rich. sorry front row. about whom there is a lot of money, that collector, trouble awaits, that poor secret is preserved in the russian language, such as i personally have not seen in other languages, for example, the word bogatyr came from two words of the old slavic gods, and first save up, that is, bogatyr - this is a man who has accumulated god michael tell me please, there is such an expression of a mysterious russian nature. and how do you really think russians have a mysterious soul, really we are different and when they say cryptic cryptic for foreigners, in my opinion. they are very rational in the west. that's about a

wonderful philosopher. zinoviev is such a western expression, e, he does not seem to regard capitalism. socialism is called western. i understand this, as life according to a certain formula is the life of such biorobots, and the russian person is different in that he feels much more. in my opinion. i express my point of view, it is inherent in us. uh, much more energy and feeling and examples. i can cite a mass, even in the russian language there is more feeling. have you noticed that well , let's say a line. you are still alive, my old woman, yesenin, it is practically impossible to translate into english, because the word is alive of such a single word in english no there is a word either alive or dead, that is, the west below is the life of the body. here you are either alive or dead with us who lived who lived who survived who did not live. e, obsolete non-perience, recalling , that is, we can form words, according to the nuances of our experiences. it's all it is absolutely incomprehensible to foreigners to slander. you will not

translate into any language of the world, because from the word sandal in english you cannot form a word behind a sandal. and here you can sandal for sandals, you can sandal there, for example, yes, and we are not calculated for the west, but in this our grandiose, i generally think that the west hates russians for this, because it cannot understand, it cannot understand us and crazy jealous because they are coded. and we haven't yet. and if the renaissance, in my opinion, it will begin with russia, it will begin with ours. only in in russia, the concept of the motherland of the state is different concepts only in russia they speak according to the law or justice. this cannot be translated into any language in the world, therefore, when they attack us, they attack our state, they calculate the germans that their state is stronger than tanks, more planes , more officers, uniforms, more beautiful shiny boots,

than theirs is correct, their state is stronger, and their homeland we have. they attack our state, and they get it from the motherland in the forehead. they don’t know that we have a motherland, but it is not calculated motherland not scanned by computer. only in russia there is a call for the motherland. nowhere in the world is this. that's right, you think correctly, you represent the americans fighting in iraq with the slogan for the motherland for our californian oil. we did not have colonies, one was alaska, and then they gave it away. do you know why the king said, we will not feed her alaska. what kind of colony is this, which all countries need to be fed? we have our own indians, our siberian indians, the adyghe nanais have never driven them into the reservations , and we were aggressive, there was such a bishop. innokenty he read the bible in a nanai translated into the nai language in koryak into koryak you represent

an american spanish conquistador who reads the bible as a seminole, this is why they never talk about mastering themselves, but the conquests of america yes, they said you want to be baptized baptize with whom you want to be. what will we be basil. don't you want to be fedor? our women were not executed at the stake. what kind of aggressive we are, we didn’t burn, glory. god's priests have been womanizers all their lives and low worshipers. but now you look, here i am on the beach in i look at riga is a woman. i immediately see what nationality a beautiful slender girl is going to. such eyes are all eyes, inquisitive, so lively, tenacious,

they look at all the men in what kind of glasses. uh, what swimming trunks at the sight of her men pick up their bellies, this is russian . eh, there is also a beautiful eyed lethargic latvian . all of the western reforms have already been formed. and all this man is such a dumpling. uh, in terms of energy comes chingachgook big serpent. you know this, here is a german, an englishwoman. you see, you look, well, the men immediately release their bellies, this already useless. no, why choose, because you look at european women, you see there was an inquisition profile. it's just that it's not a woman, then the weather vane chingachgook big serpent. and they call us, they call our faith orthodox, as you know, for what we switched to latin, we preserved our native

language. that is, those who love their native language are orthodox, it turns out that they are already the results of the war, they say i can’t have a second revision. so sort it out. yes, everything is possible, by the way, our crusades never went under name. uh, jesus wasn't conquered by other countries. and now they have changed the slogan then in the name of jesus and now, in the name of democracy, everything about our crusaders has been destroyed, you know, where on lake peipus. this was the first meeting on ice in hockey. and they were stupid, then they were still in armor and climbed. in the battle of the groonwald, they were forever so defeated that the crusaders never again went on campaigns against anyone. that's why they can't stand us. and today, even the results of the second world war are being reviewed, and this is also included in education reform, because first to digitize

our youth, and then to impose a different history and other views to destroy the homeland in the name of the state, the latvian is already telling me, you russians are aggressive. everything, latvia has already fallen under this influence. they tell me the latvian says the russians are you aggressive. i say, why do you know that he answered me you attacked the swedes, it’s normal near poltava. how did they get there? can you answer me? these six countries were formed as anti-russian, so aggressive, which fell under the influence of the americans, it seems to be good for us now they are poland latvia lithuania estonia ukraine georgia six countries the big six. and the germans, and germany refused to france, do you know why they already fought with russia? michal nikolayevich , you can’t explain if there is any connection between the russian root ber and the name and the german city of

berlin thank you viewer, some advanced one has gone, and you know, i’ll start from afar lately. okay, you can andrey the fact is that i really traveled a lot. and when i travel, even on tour, suddenly i feel discover some moments related to our history, and i thought it was so interesting. when i realized that history was different from the one that was presented to us not only in soviet times, but also in tsarist times, and not the same history as it is presented now. i really wanted to share this with people in order to intrigue you. i'll tell you, i was at the excavations. cities stood on our territory, 20,000 people lived in them 6,000 years before our era , 3,500 years remained before the construction of the pyramids. and we had cities, but there were no cities, but

slavic lands the future swedes and normans called the country of city guardians, and in the urals i was in the city at the excavations of the city of arkaim, where bronze was obtained by our ancestors 500 years before it came to europe in greece that you know stonehenge on kola peninsula of these stonehenges at every turn, by the way, well, just no one pays attention to it. yes, i was interested. i traveled everywhere, and of course. along the way, he began to engage in the so-called we ourselves came up with this word for the archeology of the russian language, because i'm not a scientific person, so i'm so fantasy i call it fantasy, weary romance. that's it, and no one will complain. well, the humorist didn’t fantasize and that’s all. here they laughed and dispersed, but nevertheless it turned out the following. now i will say that. why will i be accused and anathematized? turned out to be in the stone age. all people were the first people

, they spoke the native language, which was the russian language, that is, not only russian, of course, belarusian ukrainian. in general , a group of slavic languages, why did they remain carrier? yes, they remained in this territory, where life began in the russian language, hidden in words such secrets that show us how speech was formed in general. after all, no one knows where the chair came from. and andrey asked a question, very interesting where did the word, berlin come from. just imagine an ancient man. when there were no words, there were atoms, there are sounds, but there are atoms. and what are sounds to me quantum physicists, they say you are right, the strongest sound is a sound wave went oh , i limit it. this is the sound that unites puts.

god is only in russian there is a correspondence even with the wave process it meant in the ancient world and there were other syllables, for example. brr it’s scary, and now the spirit of the raging elements among our ancestors was called ber in a man ber played out and was associated with animals everything and therefore bers was associated with whom. of course, with a bear with friends, a connecting rod, and therefore what is a lying berber ha, this is a lying world, and the dens were swept in the field behind a tree so that there was something to catch on to the snow and the tree was called a birch. and later birch like this

turned out friends. my most lair place in the world, where there was the most lair in europe, where it stands, berlin and when i told the germans about it, they say, and we have a bear on the coat of arms of berlin. what happened next magi, our clergymen said, don't put a city there don't put a village you will wake up two veras, they named it, the village of berlozhya. then the magi said, at least add the ending of yin, so that the female energy balances, the spirit of the raging vera was added and began to be called the village of berlin, but europe is boys, they are women, they came up with the legend that eve was created from the rib of adam, uh, the rib in russian, only the question of the rib has the correct meaning - this is the essence of the rib. this is a question in essence, that is, eve was made in essence.

like adam as a man, they will clamp the spools. and europe did not want to know this. the boys came to power. and they threw out the soft sign berlin remained and what happened? for two centuries faith spilled over to other nations spill out. you look like in one word. how many interesting things are included? dear, i want to ask you, when you return to your place, a stormy concert activity will begin on the day. i love. zhenya sunday andryusha every day. premiere of the season singing in the kitchen of the whole country today on the farms a treat for the festive table, we cook everything as a

family. and, of course, special attention. we give sauce mayonnaise, mahi, will make the festive dish tastier. we have new year's eve more than once a year. after all, tele2 nissanto, so every month a gift awaits new subscribers when connected, your gigabytes will constantly wait for doubling, you also want to, then hurry to the tele2 salons, everyone will become our opponent on january 17th. we will double the gigabytes of internet

tele2 other billion rules are already waiting for you on the website of branded stores and convenience stores. perm moscow arkadak yes, there is no such city. i went there on vacation, and checkin there is a new convenient hotel booking service, all over russia too. they also check hotels themselves. pay less. price of the week. gold oil in pyaterochka seed 114.90 friends before december 20, have time to bring friends before december 20 and participate in the drawing of 200 million rubles. the more friends, the more chances to win the tinkov prize, he is the only one who buys one smartphone, and the second as a gift, because we are agents. because the subscriber, having received the second smartphone as a gift.

and the passionate dancers here in these papas are all matahari crimes against my country. people who died because of her all over europe, you are so hungry for blood here in a black folder , proof of her guilt. if we don't have

apron, you'll kill her on the way. how did he know the cipher himself, so we were most interested in the history of the decembrists, they were there in petropavlovka they tapped this cipher. petropavlovsk you are the first who

hangs me all the dogs just because i was born with a face. i recently realized why we live in such an unorganized way. it's always been for centuries and generations. we don’t even survive, we survive, because we have the greatest mission among the slavic peoples. think about saving life on earth after the end of the world. i understand it's sad, some heads. we agree with me, for example, will not be unfounded western, the so-called civilized people. if some kind of ataclism happens, money simply will not survive, because after the end of the world there will be no, they cannot live without money. what difference does it make to us? what is the end of the world anyway? think about it, these are earthquake explosions, dirt, impassability. the thought is clear. everywhere garbage will be lying around

, there will be heating, gas, electricity, everything will turn on everything, that is, in almost many of our cities, the coming of this end of the world will not even be noticed. this only we can eat what we have. for example, go to the forest and eat. in the west, they don’t eat mushrooms, and they think that once it grows on earth, it means that dirt, like this dirt, dirt, does not happen for free. scientists have generally discovered that a very rare microbe sits in us thanks to this microbe, any dirt. we are sterilized inside. only we will survive. end of the world, what will they do without drugs without pharmacies. in our country, the majority of the population has not used any medicines for a long time, not doctors, barley jumped up under the eye first, where there is no doctor to a neighbor, what to do yes, dear, spit in your own eye and it turns out. i personally read useful advice from russian healers in a book, no one in the

west would think of such useful advice at all. do you have a headache? ready lay on the bed, take a ready cat or raccoon. this is only a russian can think of put on your head. and lie down like this until animal attention begins to revenge with a tail on your head, they are cowards and weaklings in the west, compared to us. even the message scares them that it will snow tomorrow. this is their good reason. don't go to work tomorrow. so, we don’t need to be afraid of them, if the mess starts, we won’t even need nuclear weapons, we will throw snowballs at them. i traveled a lot around russia and, oddly enough , the most interesting people for me today are ordinary people, not film directors, not actors, ordinary

people know something that they often do not know. this is personal until you answer the question is impossible. so what's for free? let's answer the question who was it? it's not true that i read benzene, but tell me, right here yes, nikolai nikolaevich does not matter nikolai nikolaevich is muravyov-amur, and papa nikolai pavlovich i understood, with whom i confused? no, well, that's it, it deserves your decision. now the passport is invalid. but this is not scary, foreigners call us fools in vain. in vain, they are all fools, compared to us. all of course, something they

invented the telephone box. they wandered them. but we were the first to think of how to call them without two kopecks. plastic bags, they invented, but not even one of the americans will guess that they can be wash. and turning inside out to dry on a clothesline on a pimple, i saw their children in schools. never write off. you know why they don’t know that you can write off the underdeveloped from childhood. they are stupid , not a single french woman will guess with a zhiguli beer bottle or suck mosquitoes with a vacuum cleaner before going to bed. and freckles sunbathing in early spring on the balcony with colander on the face. they are stupid. i gave one german our account, and he thought the

massager for the back of the inspector of the passport service. horror marina you talk about politics so often all your monologues touch on this topic in one way or another. why don't you go into politics yourself? do i have other abilities? thank you after all, we who went to the komsomol, the trade union and the party those who did not have, who had the ability. eh, they went to art to art to medicine to medicine no one went there, and today they go to politics, in principle, those who do not have the opportunity and ability for something else to express themselves. they go in general to do dirty work in the late eighties . i noticed that we jokes come true. i'm about i’ll joke about something, i’ll come up with something completely paradoxical, hop, realized in life. me even the viewers who noticed that we hmm jokes come true. uh, they send letters like this. write

at least something good, maybe it will come true. i tried. i didn't get anything. that is the title of this essay. well, so call me some predicted. so, first of all, the stars in the sky show that in the not too distant future, you know, things will not be so bad in many cities , power outages will stop, because in these cities the electricity will be turned off during vladivostok heating will work around the clock, but only in july. economists put forward a theory of how to make russia an evenly rich country, for this you just need to evenly settle the rich in russia, the poor, drive out psychics from the country. as before, they will successfully treat healthy people. just good guys. you know very few people who react to this phrase. psychics will master

a new type of treatment, removing teeth from a photograph, removing a criminal record using identikit. but as part of the fight against smoking, the ministry of health warns the production of cigarettes with a reduced content of cigarettes in a pack has been launched; the medicine will benefit only those who sell them. the deputies of the state duma will perform a charity event for all pensioners to provide free transportation from 2:00 to 4:00 at night will please, oh, please with their discoveries of art. the vedas will first be found, and finally, the sitter who posed for the brilliant russian artist kazimir malevich. awesome room, but you have to. you don’t even need to agree, yes, who posed for molevich for his

famous painting black square. well, just once intellectuals in the room. sorry hooligan. allow for you will also be found, and the one who chooses made his works. shame on you, shame on you, borzhi did and vases and necklaces all thought of one thing, a short flight of stairs. natalia is a student anyway. we are now trying to look up to america. do you think this is good? are we losing our native russian thanks. well , how can you say something? in short. me, when i'm still in the country, on the one hand, i'm madly worried when i see inscriptions in english, because i i don't understand at all. why in russia there are inscriptions in english, so that the food-dock old people, they say we don't know where to buy anything. the old woman is worth considering that the shop and says that she will die. and so, it

was she who correctly put it from the people the country went crazy russian people, they always say ok well , we try, and they brought it to the point that i saw two old women in the village on the highways in siberia. let me finish, they walked along the highway one another says, jesus is risen frolovna. so says ok nikitichna and moreover, it is humiliating for russian people. here in my opinion. well, we have our own russian beautiful normal words. right, our man is in many ways dearer to me than the americans never honk their headlights on the roads, what is behind the police bush? it's because you're speeding that you should be arrested. we have somehow everyone in solidarity against the authorities with the other. here's a filthy cop you're nobody, that is, in the right, here it doesn't fit you either.

american films now i’ll formulate these films shot according to the first signal system of pavel’s reflexes, that is, he shot his buttock into the air showed, saliva went and uh, look more and more russian people in all cities come stalls and ask about russian films. no, or soviet, because they other americans cannot watch our films, they are not interested. it's uh, they can't watch nikita mikhalkov. they cannot watch films. ryazanov, let's say. here, uh, well, the most such. uh, banal hello. enjoy your bath. they don't understand, there's no racing, no shooting. eh, oil rig, they also need the oil rig to fall at the end and scratch the heroes a little. there interrupted the farewell kiss. uh, schwarzenegger, because the aptel hit and broke here and we were brought up in a different culture. yes, we go into the american front door, wonderful

neat people live in our front door, you go into the barbarians live. uh, well, you're talking to our bangs. an interesting person is talking to an american, a barbarian. uh, you know, i knew, uh, one american proved to me that napoleon was defeated by the americans. not everyone understands. nevermind. eh, and i didn’t even argue with him? i said, and this made in their territory. here. and he did n't argue with me either. i told him something else there, they say it was winter. so you drove napoleon across the arctic ocean to paris and, uh, belarusian partisans ran out of icebergs. and uh, he didn't even smile. they are patriots. with you for a long time already not the same, we do not live by sinful deeds. do not believe the media in you in the dark, our madina is hanged. in our school

, they made a cafe on the bollard raging. i owe everything to my parents. such a basis, which they played a major role in my life, and then, of course after all, he is an institute, and i am very much why i learned at the institute and, uh, from building ranks and potatoes and amateur performances. oh , i even learned to restrain myself from drinking at the moscow institute. uh, i still do. i am still a student. and so i can, without certain occupations. i like both, and the third, and i still feel like amateur performance amateur performance. excuse the expression - it's a joke. it's eyeballs. i

, uh, when i stop pro. i remember our amateur years, and it helps me out. yes here it is. it's just the people he applauds. now, if in moscow you perform in front of some kind of elite hall, you never get any applause or cool, i love it. now let's go on stage, they will hug you for yourself, you can punch a hug.

i don't say a word about america at all because it feels like i'm already paranoid on tv. but you know, what’s interesting is that i wanted to tell you something that the audience and viewers don’t know, an interesting effect turned out, and people began to approach me on the street and say we visited america. you’re right. they are so dumb. i am i say, you tell me, after that listen, how many letters i receive. it is so interesting to read the letters of people who have been to america and everyone has some kind of observation. i have a feeling that in russia they began to laugh at the americans more than in the chukchi. and such interesting cases the day before yesterday two young men stopped me on the street. they say we had an internship in america. you can't imagine how we remembered you every day. we cooked potatoes. they tell me, and they ask the americans in hostel. why do you say potatoes? that you

can’t buy cheaper, they say, and how would you check the readiness of this potato, well, stupid, you are exactly like they say, well, we don’t tell them that you are stupid. and we tell them, well, like a fork. look here . i'm afraid to tell you more, and then we began to boil eggs. it turned out to be the right game. well , we are laughing at the chukchi. but what is above the american lifestyle is not given by the americans, the americans are kind, they are very kind inside, they believe that it is necessary to be kind destroy iraq, but they don't think so. they taught when they hit the right cheek to the left with a bottom hook at this time. and they are kind and unprepossessed, they are very easy to direct a person in any direction. they are sending me now. e.