you are in other eu countries and also in the uk, everything that can lead to the fact that for all this it can lead to the fact that developers will not return loans taken from banks, since they will not be able to sell office knowledge. uh, economists warn that the current situation may become a trigger for the start of bank bankruptcy, everything that happens is reminiscent of the beginning of the global crisis of 2008, when the collapse of the markets was provoked by the real estate situation in the united states . completed and for those who passed the exams successfully, another occasion for fun is the date directly related to the moscow state university and on this day in 1755 a decree was signed on its foundation to the orthodox church calendar. this is the day of remembrance of st. tatyana, who became the patroness of moscow state university, and then we all the russian students, young girls, light candles. in churches, they ask for success in their studies. universities are preparing a rich festive

program. today is the 85th anniversary of the birth of vladimir vysotsky barrt, poet, musician, artist multi-faceted talent performances with his participation it was impossible to get a ticket always full house at first the whole country sang his song, and then they also spoke with the phrases of his movie heroes vysotsky was recognized by the first notes by his hoarse voice and always the same, waiting for his smile. after all, every line beat him. to the very heart. probably because every time i go on stage. he gave his all without a trace. burning russian huts, burning smolensk and the burning reichstag, the burning heart of a soldier on the occasion of his eighty-fifth birthday beloved actor, our channel has prepared an extensive program on saturday, the day of vladimir vysotsky on the air at the first documentary films of the life

and work of vladimir semyonovich, unique shots, family, archive of unknown biography facts, everything from talent. vysotsky in the program of concerts, the award ceremony has its own track, as well as feature films vysotsky thank you for being alive. such news to this minute. see you soon. this is a podcast, paws podcast psyche. my name is natalya loseva and today, together with my co-leading clinical psychologist, i am a candidate psychological sciences. michael khors. i will help our guest konstantin erokhin to understand what is going on in his family, what is happening with children and why relationships are not built

with all the right concentration. you are a father of many children. yes, how many children are you? well , as i say, in the overall standings i have five children. what is that two children that i am now raising, that we live. these are children, my second wife from a previous relationship. yes. these are two boys. well, we believe that they enter actively already in adolescence, of course, this one red light, somewhere already lit. that there are some moments when the child is already starting to act differently from the way you see him or not the way you have a model of behavior there for an ideal child. wait, here's the main problem. what is the problem only in these two children. because you have another common activity, this is the wife. there is also a child from his first marriage. yes, we have two children together. and i also have a child from my first marriage

, a daughter, but the problem is precisely connected with these children, who are not your biological relatives. there are problems not so much even with children as in getting capa to understand how to properly educate them. how to relate there biological father, for example, and how to relate them to children with my child from the first relationship, that is. well, plus here inside, so to speak to the family. they are what turns out to be water, but it's a question of a general plan or is there something that doesn't let you sleep, you get nervous. because of this you will be out of yourself. are you worried about this, what is the problem? what do you know now? the problem here is not even in children. but in the understanding that you every day is enough. it's hard, that is, you invest in children. there you have four children and you bring them up, that is, from morning to evening, in principle, there is no free time. yes, i get up, there at 7:00 in the morning i’m already walking and leading them to the garden. yes, we go to bed. we are there at 11 laying there, then you feed some other bottles of someone there, that is, i have my own youngest child of 9 months, so, in general, this whole situation is difficult to get, and at

some point there comes a feeling, what do you think, why is this one, right? i i'm doing a must to educate these children. this is not the first time you have. e word is right, what is right for you? here, do i educate them correctly how to behave with them correctly, what is it right to understand what some of the subconscious is? yes, the concept is correct, that is, it is something, well, how to say, so that from a position, so that they are successful, so that they are very importantly happy, so that i don’t inflict some kind of grass on them. maybe it’s their behavior there, yes, somehow, so that this is it from the very beginning such a position that they seem to be like both my children and not mine. yes, they are like me. they call them dads, that is, we decided so, and they want dads from their father, so that this would not, how to say, not harm their psyche. well, so that later, too, here with us as parents, so that it doesn’t work out, you know, it is now customary in society, as if, well, let’s say, not to welcome when a man is raising other people’s children there. well, at least, here are many men, they think that this is some kind of stigma there, yes, that is,

let's just start with your first request not harm. yes, yes, but everything is impossible, reconcile yourself with the fact that some of your actions to your children, whether to foster relatives, or will hurt you . the world is so arranged that the upbringing of children. yes, it has two parts. with some of our actions, we inflict and inflict some injuries on men in their lives, and with some of our actions we give them tenderness, love for supporting the support of opportunities. if you're trying to raise kids, that's the only way. and you deny. well, it's your human right to make mistakes somewhere. somewhere means to hurt their children. you are essentially yourself personally yes, and your spouse, most likely, neuroticize. now you know right from the first words, apparently, now we are moving to the real problem. why am i

holding back, i endure there or do something, and then i just happen to have this one. well, let's say a mini breakdown. yes, how do we understand michael that konstantin does not finish speaking, he is now trying in general terms to give such a correct dad with average statistical correct problems. although in reality the problem is much more acute. she is specific. yes, and it seems to me that this is a problem associated with just these two boys and the fact that i caught the son of the biological father so, well, yes, including this property now for cleanliness. tell us what's going on with you so it happened that at the beginning of our relationship. yes , when my wife and i got married a and decided for a long time, but at some point i decided to call their biological father to talk to him and set up contact. yes, that is, the unknown always frightens me conditionally. i mean, i don't know who it is. i don't understand. what are there, for example, what are her there are views on children, how he wants to raise them, that is. well, i had some kind of

request, how would i understand? but what kind of person and how to communicate with him? yes, i called and in general did not find. well, to put it mildly, i did not find a response. yes, there was no mistake. no, you see, this is the action itself. it is not a mistake . yes, it's just an action question. with what motivation? yes, if i ask you now, why did you call? can you answer this question? well, i guess, i'm just going to give an example with my husband. my first wife with us great relationship. we correspond with him there, we have some business. you, that is, we discuss how we are there. it's all about the child. he writes to me, that is, in my opinion, this is a good partnership relationship. that is, when would they start calling and saying, yes, how? well, somehow that's something we're there baby. somehow met and passed. well, we somehow laughed there, you know, when it was friendly on both sides. i mean, hello there, how are you? oh, why did you call? well, it was important for me to make something comfortable too. i don't know maybe to be comfortable for me, this is the atmosphere so that i understand what is happening, for example, yes, well, maybe not to be friends. well

, you understand that around, as it were, that there is conditionally no risk, there is no danger. what is not hidden there? some kind of malice? don't know. well , you understand, as it were, but you would like to get some kind of ideal picture. yes, how did you fantasize these relationships for yourself and for some reason you deny the right of people, but to have this very anger, a conflict among yourself about this is so bad, and then look they are already completely different configurations turned out in that case, yes, but konstantin is calling, and the new spouse of his ex. yes, but now they have switched roles. yes, and perhaps, here the man is the biological father of his sons. they still called him yes, he is still psychologically traumatized. in a divorce and here you are such a winner, i call and start to dominate like that. let's be friends. well, maybe, i think that i was quite correct, but now you have said how this situation might look. i didn't think about it. in general

, our conversation was ugly and with a position this man, yes. well, to be honest, i have not tried other attempts, they are beautiful. it 's like, well, as if they told me that mind your own business, that you can only conditionally give birth to a girl. yes, they told me, well, of course, it was like that, i don’t know, but for some reason it hurt me, it hurt me. after that, i even said to say it, because when i have, uh, i think the second child should i have a boy for some reason, and i had a girl. i remember that i have this effect, that i even sat and cried in the car for 10 minutes. for some reason, when i found out, now i'm laughing. well, apparently you know this, as if some kind of psychological maturation there. and here it seems like ready-made boys. yes, and you are ready to become them. than dad, but something's stopping you, right? this is an attempt to become a real dad, well, you won’t become a real dad to them, why did you suddenly decide that you are also their dad, are you a stepfather? take

this position, it's not bad not good. she is really your attempts to be a father here is real. as a result, everything and destabilizes this situation. they are coming. they seem to have a real father and here is another real father, who was not from them either, yes, it turns out that the bridge is called, why do you force children to consider two men as fathers? well , yes, that's why there was actually a request . eh, konstantin, that's it, dad is there, and here are the bones or thanks to konstantin. that's the fact that we are here and there communication has become better. that is, he sees that here are the children, how would it also become conditionally pulled up, right? and more often brothers, well, here they are, as it were, happy there? yes, but i don’t know, i don’t undertake to discuss it, but you see, everything is fine, and there, too, activity, as it were, increases. that is, we see some kind of help there, that children are taken. there on a holiday already wins. there is more to it, my friends. well, you know

, folk wisdom, we hint at a proven one. why , uh, dad is not the one who gave birth or mom, yes, that one, you see, here he is competing again. can i ask washes these children. well , conditionally, we are also partly there, when they get sick 80 sit, of course, do your homework here, well, i drive schools, yes, they walk, of course, 10 times more, of course, why the un so much himself and emotional and from the point of view of time michael why he can call himself dad to these children just because the wrong sperm. excuse me please, well , for example, so that's enough. big enough cause you understand what's the difference? how to name let them not call you dad. why do you need this why the position of the stepfather is bad? well, i'll just explain. uh, we just have two more our children and we wanted our

family to be conditionally closed, so that there would be no one calling kost and someone dad this is so that other children do not have questions. why so bad. what is there to say? is there dad here? kostya well, we intuitively acted in this situation, as it were, maybe i’m more like, well, how to say a woman’s such a position yes, i wanted the children not to have this, so that they feel that they are children, like real loved ones , and they are, as it were, not real conventionally their children in real life. well, you try them, she is somewhere on the clouds with unicorns, so grow. yes, real life is different. well, let's talk about it, shall we? is a mind and thought podcast by a leading clinical psychologist. mikhail kors we parse quite difficult. th situation of the father of many children konstantin what is wrong with real life in real life, everything is just the way it is, stepfather. there is a father, there are children from different marriages. they will somehow interact, and an attempt, uh,

to call a stepfather a father is an attempt, and to tell one child that you are all here means the same. this is what leads to the fact that children live, well, fantasies, he does not say that you have no borders. dad denis dad bones we have there like so, right? well, here we are. well, well, just don't try to be a real father to them. i'm sure you'll get it in time. and you demand it right now here at once, so that everything changes. mikhail had one more reservation. i would like you to be able to deal with her guests. you said it neuroticizes your spouse. i would have heard more breakthroughs here. well, you just try, for example, you do a lot there and then conditionally. i'm like now you want some kind of reward for this. yes, from whom? i don’t know, well, here you are to be praised there or something a or then or vice versa, you know? what do you need? well, that is, you're just through the heaviness of you yes. you

seem to be trying to yourself, yes, to prove that so much has happened there, i don’t know how to explain. well, somehow you want, this is praise from the children from the wife. i don’t know, you know, who has a request for this external respect. what kind of people do i want? if a person does not have his own respect for himself, he constantly expects this respect from the outside both, and vice versa, if a person is full of this self-sufficiency, such a self, especially male. yeah, he, in principle, does not care what he is called, how he is respected, you know, i can say, i can say that it illustrates. even from what he managed to tell, what this one illustrates. well, you can say the diagnosis. yes, if the one that mikhail says when you gave us such your exuberance, this is actually stupidity. yes, when he says some kind of man, it doesn’t matter who he is, he says, you give birth only to girls and only girls are born to you. so you are not up to a man. you are not up to the male. yes, and

you must think about it so that you crying? when did you have a daughter? well, yes, what is that, that is, was not connected, but this, apparently, was horrible. so-so, not sure. why are you crying instead of praising yourself, and the main question is not that konstantin e does not have this high level of selfhood, yes, which in this situation would help you a lot. yes, because i really do, i'm sorry, i do not believe that with a man who is raising your first own daughter. here, everything is just fine and the gardens of eden are blooming wonderfully. well, i just don't believe it. that's all. there are probably some of your inner stories too. here, but because , well, excuse me, he brings up your daughter every day, i think, here i am just calm here. i would like this the question is not what it is, but the second question is what to do. i agree, here is a picture, well , an ideal one that you would like to achieve in a relationship, sochi to you with your first daughter and

with the biological father of your adopted children. although i will walk. yes, yes, some agree. well i do not know. that's when i think my husband and i are epicly excellent there. i'd rather be nothing good. well, can i just write to ask? he may also ask something, we can share something there. they live abroad right? it's kind of independent of this, that it's very dependent. they live far away from you, no one takes away this daughter. she's kind of she already lives there. yes, you do not share a daughter, because you are now the circumstances are divided. they live abroad. you still understand that due to many reasons, you cannot compete for who the girl will be with. perhaps here, as males, you put up with your rights and your time and your influence over these two unfortunate boys.

your daughter calls her stepfather. no dad, and if it was called honestly, well, probably, i would n't like it, and you expect from another man, right? understanding, although, well, somehow, but he , too, probably thinks, so he manipulates my children, makes them call himself such a dad easily. maybe, well, i agree for this and we need some kind of support. there conditionally minimal is a connection, or what? or emotions. no, it does not support you want to be supported with it ? well, we are afraid that this will affect what kind of will be some. well, how would it affect the diet. well, it's good that it will affect the children. when, for example, he said that, uh, like, if one more time, like, you call her dad there, i won't take you. yes, that is, it is good from children. mom said, they shared with mom, well, you understand the model of behavior, that is, you need to change the psyche with garlic grass, so to speak, but it injures the child. he says i don't

i'll take it. if you call him brother, yes, children jump and try to somehow arrange their lives so that they do not have an injury. hello, we agreed. this is real life in children will be traumatized. i do not call for a special one to apply them. but if you don't open this moment right now, it's easy. at what age they grow up 18 years old and understand can be rethought, but when they are 10 years old they should not be given, as it were, the entire amount of information about life there, in addition to the fact that one day you found out that dad said this, well not a very smart thing. what else were there, what else did we share something with him. and we went there there, he says, i’m not interested, like, they say, there, dad doesn’t love you this word, but they tell me, that is, like a child. papa pumps up negatively initially. yes, the pope is right. he, most likely, is going through

hard this divorce and separation from michael's children then. please tell me, here it is. i think that you are not quite sincere when you say so cynically that you stop spinning around the children. i am sure that you are actually the kind of person who thinks, how to protect children from excess herbs. here is how, in the interests of the world of goodness and these children, konstantin should behave correctly when the children come and say, here is papa kostya again, my dad is there about you, he said, this and that, but they don’t tell me, you know, it’s my mother who finds out , then, as if okay has the right. i will not offend him for this, but i think we are trying. why are we saying that this is not, well, as if everyone has the right. well, of course, to the right. i'm not offended. it's ok. now i see what konstantin is thinking. how can i be even better. how can i be even more correct for these children to finally make a choice, right? brother, i think, here i did something bad and i think, here i am, and so and so bad, for example, i shouted there. well, conditionally he cursed there, he

gave a slap on the back of the head. yes, as it were, even later to come up with it, and so here it is, well, as if you begin to blame yourself for this, when, as it were, there are no conditionally some third parties in this story. it's solid, but yours is there child. yes, you will, yes, you will swear, yes, these children are not yours, and they will tell you this, you are not our real dad. that is, you think, i relate to them the truth, you have no right to educate me. so you need something to parry correctly? yes, if we counted. yes, for example, so here is the event. why maybe? i don't like them there. do i love them? for example, i think for myself, that is, they were not convinced. i myself, as it were, what is it? well, you know what it is, you have excessive reflection, well, excessive reflection beyond the requirements. well, i have to love them like family. well, i will say, so my parents had a divorce in the family, after which i can still say

that, well, not everything has recovered. yes, i was an adult. i was 20 years old. but i think that's how it would be for me. you know how the whole glass ball collapsed. yes, i have an injury. well, i mean that it can be understood, as it were, in the eyes of the idealistic in the minds of children. there is no illness. for them, contact with reality, you know, i because in front of you these little boys and say, so boys. yes, i'm your vice-dad here, or i'm your most important, dad. yes , you will misbehave. something then you threaten something, the top take this, that you have e be only about pain motivation. about the punishment, there is still some positive motivation there. no again uh there to say yes guys? yes, i understand, i'm not your own father. i am trying very hard. i want to replace it for you, but i understand that i will never do this , because my dear. that's it

you just need to do this conditionally at some point. well, it can be done . let this dad be dad. why is it hard to encourage a fight, for example, with dad trying to create the perfect person. thank you, thank you. well, why a normal living person? it's just that they are cheating. there, for example, they start. i say you took it, not you. and so i start it like this, because it's not mine. well, here's thinking, how can it be, because it's not my blood. you know, you start right away. yes, that's all, because he also becomes like his father, you see some of this, you understand, this is bad. what does it start for? i don’t know, but it’s you on an emotional level, sometimes it happens that you react to it all the same, yes, rational, including a being, and try to live without emotions, but try to shift yourself rationally somehow. let's question here the key question is a very high-quality question in this sense.

why? well, that's why i told you that it arises like this. i catch myself thinking this. ask yourself a question. why uh, so a son ca n't be like his father. why shouldn't he lie to me? can you name at least one reason now? why should n't your foster kids guys lie to you? no, yes, probably, they should. well, you have another extreme, they can lie. here they can, for example, yes, like everyone else, like everyone else. well, i haven't had any other examples yet. this is the very first is conditionally the first venice that is, you, as it were, and you are faced with this and, as it were, there is this part of hmm well, as it were a story that you think maybe it 's because of that, maybe because i'm a bad dad. and how would such a bad algorithm folders, where does what go? what if, because of this, they will be unhappy there or i will be unhappy, for example, then all the forces of the existential questions are gone. this is ridiculous, of course, but you understand, yes, you are an unfortunate konstantin

when you are, to some extent, an absolutely happy person, mentally unhealthy. your attempt to be absolutely always happy yourself and to raise children is absolutely always happy. this is an attempt to raise mentally ill people friends. please write down everyone who is watching and listening to us now. this is for yourself, please, in the diaries and in the notes of the formula, which and what today's co-host of clinical psychologist and suddenly and candidate of psychological sciences mikhail horst said formulated to our psychics podcast. on the occasion of the eighty-fifth birthday of vladimir vysotsky, i don’t know how it will sound, i will suddenly burst into your house with a cry with my own, but be patient. i am all in the light available to all eyes. i started the usual procedure officially. i'm not a composer for this. am

no no today, just a compromise and a microphone. i don't take r.ru. yes, my voice often happens that in order to become better yourself, there are a couple of good people, he lies to me, who are you, heard it rewritten and began. here is such a triumphant six of these films everywhere everywhere everywhere they hit the lanterns in the face of the guys from the sides of the spotlight. i generally ask for tin always light. vladimir vysotsky's day on saturday at pervy you understand, lately, this request from people to live without stress, to live happily, as this, perhaps, provokes us to this conditionally media media to this. they are a promise to

you, no matter how infinite, happiness and critical thinking, adult critical thinking. and what is adult critical thinking natalya is, when a person lives in reality and looks at wow reality, it turns out that such and such it is different. and an attempt to narrow down this field of variability of reality to one warm and comfortable corridor for you personally, it is very neurotic. yes, that's for sure. let's talk more about your children with their mother, because look, we are considering the whole of such a large family, in which i see there are three dads and two moms. yes , all this needs to be explained. well, here we are like with mom, thank god, all the children all communicate, and we are all going. that is, she is, as it were, like a magnet and everyone is always good, that is, my wife, yes, my current one, that is,

my child arrives, these children, that is, we are inside. here are the families of our children, which are ours as biological. here are her children, they have no boundaries, that is, they communicate as friends. that is, as if here i can't harmonize. yes, and i am very lightning-removing. i would say not harmonizing somewhere. in this big oddly arranged family, not typical. there is a mediator, she is the second wife of konstantin. maybe look, she, as i understand it, accepts and is good. they treat your eldest daughter very well; she has two of her children, who are just the point of such a conflict of a sluggish constant and they have their husband. well, this will give, you understand that mom we are so much that we have to carry on, but in this situation, maybe it’s for us to give some advice or some kind of algorithm of action for

konstantin’s wife, how, maybe she can somehow moderate all this advice, don’t try to moderate it, but continue to moderate it, brothers. once again, an attempt to somehow hop this whole situation and decide that everyone is satisfied and happy is an infantile attempt in the tradition of the best psychological films yes , it shocks you at first, and then you are such a tank, then only you start somehow differently, that is, yes, you will die conditionally, of course, well, conditionally. i say it's well, it invigorates, yes, and they make you look at such a shake-up a little, when you just well, i will be like you have conflicts with both my own biological and adoptive ones. it is normal to have conflicts with children. and what is the worst thing in your imagination that can happen to your children in the context of these difficult relationships with your ex-husband, the children will close, yes, at some point, they will just

start, as it were, really, that you are not my father there that you were, no matter how badly such an open one will go on you. like, well, let's say unreasonably. yes, the only thing that they were will begin to harm themselves. or will they think? what, well, rather yes to myself, that is, i still, probably, somewhere else i am not so infantile. im imagining that is, what does it mean that, for example, there? i don't know what, well, no. i answer you. they hang themselves up that because of them, the mother of permission so far everything that you have told is not scary, but you understand with such a set, how would the introductory water data reach a divorce, for example, with this situation. that is it again. yes, in this discord between dads will sow some of your wife with you, and you will get divorced. it scares you, including, for example, either they are either just , as you know, people are now, well, such trends, really, for example, what will happen, here's more in their lives. here is such as would say,

events. yes, including mine, that is, of course, this is also very well. well, you have. well, i do n’t even know, maybe i’m returning myself to where, as if i were in the participant’s place, yes, the events of seeing a child there and maybe just an update, right? so why is he afraid of divorce? well excuse me please let's not normalize divorce. i understand that we live in the tradition of a personal world that destroys all illusions with statistics, but listen, let's cling to something. well , ah, to cling to values, of course, i do not call on a citizen. am i saying there are divorces? yes, and some children go through divorces very comfortably. it is even better to say that we see what psychology is called transference . konstantin believes that if he was hurt, yes, then others will be hurt, konstantin is afraid to divorce. we got it right because

think it's a pain. this is tragedy and tragedy. end of the world everything. and what do you know, one got divorced, and it seems that nothing feels nothing. wait, we do n’t admit at all that he loves this same woman, he even tries and maybe loves these boys, who from another man we don’t admit at all, that he just wants to save this family, and in fact, it seems to me, the most valuable that we have now dug to the bottom that it is not the conflict with the father of these children, mikhail, that scares him. it seems to me that this obviously scares him that this conflict with dad will deprive him of children, that is, the family that he now cherishes and which he wants to save. he is, thank god, which is very difficult to make, and it was not so easy to give . that's all, because i want a little moment, that there were a lot of countermoves against the creation of such a family. that is, everyone there is familiar, that is, a look, especially from the male side. yes, everyone said, what are you, like, is it like there yourself? a no, of course, no, we were

there. an interesting story is beautiful. there she was helped there with scammers. it will cope there, and in general 2 of the year. they were just friends, that is, yes, yes, well, conditionally something well, why? ah such now on work same works a lawyer? well, conditionally yes, that is, there, well, that's it, it was all opposition. that is, we have a certain stilgmany such relations in society on the part of men. here, see the first general communication with konstantin, if i felt bad and it hurt, then everyone would feel bad and more. the second society is homogeneous and everyone in this society does not welcome and criticize such relations defined in the whole society, this is not so. i agree with encountered something. and look for a society that will not criticize you, maybe we can do less of it for sure. sorry attitude to this society. yes, he actually has the right values, i insist on this. why would you look for this confirmation. taboos are not

taboos born from you, girls, cool beautiful, but thank god you say thank you to the universe that this is happening? what difference does it make to you what they think, not just the male part of society, but some small, when a developed segment, the male part, uh. this self respect. well, you, in principle, we usually listen to everything for the society. ie have us such instinctively. we still try to be closer to some kind of sun. yes to society. we all try to be. we are the same by default, a person strives to be nevertheless consistent with some expectations of people. yes , i'll tell you now what i see. no, i see before me a contented atypical character of our society. an atypical handsome smart man, who, of course, means that he got into such a non-fabulous story with his personal life gave birth to five children the most awful good is impossible trying to be right. yes, he tries to love everyone and

everything he dreams of, so that he has that world that is finally more or less happy for him. he created not just so that this world would not be taken away from him. you are cool konstantin, why do you need society's assessments? if we're talking to you now, you're awesome. let me see now, only another person spoke for himself. yes, constantine romanticized this world. and konstantin believes that this world can be ideal and that, uh, it depends constantine constantine put on the crown of god and decides. what is good and what is bad in this world, and any deviation of this real life from its ideal image of konstantin, uh, cause pain. yes, maybe not in all spheres of life, but in those spheres of life in which konstantin e, to have such deep, very wonderful values.