quite bad. yes, there is something to remember, and it was warm guys. thank you thank you very much, kostenka mutual love marina chirkunova total and the main hit beats adrenaline in the eyes. can

be done? will not work.

i pat.

this is a podcast of the psyche. my name is natalya loseva. i am a journalist, and my co-host is a clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, mikhail khors, and we are unraveling with him. well, different fascinating combinations of complex psychological situations, today's our heroine, polina, hello. hello, you came with a problem that you know. i

thought that the universe sent me to see how it happens to me too. yeah , you are the third person who told me about this? let me tell you i suffer from very strong irritability. and i really suffer from it. i can't handle my anger. i can't handle the anger. although there is a lot of work on myself on all fronts, but since i started working on myself , it has surfaced. here is this underwater pebble and now it does not allow me to live in peace in love in gratitude in positive positive thinking. it means you can't handle anger. what does this mean? well, everything starts to annoy me. it's just that in the store there is a scandal - she wrote to us when her situation. i just realized what happens sometimes. well, it's just,

well, it's impossible not to react to some kind of rudeness in a store or on a tram. and rightly so. yes, i never start a scandal first. but if not quite a drunken case, but as soon as they give me a reason. i'm like a dog clutched, i can break it. let's specifics, please, examples of specific cases. yes. here, for example, in the summer, my girlfriend and i rested on the pier. and we were resting and the daughter of some woman was jumping. so well , splash everything, well, it was unpleasant, yes, and i asked to say, well, please, you can jump. well, a little easier. come on, you're people here, and she started telling me to go somewhere else. you sunbathe there, there will be no splashes. and i got carried away. i began to insult her, that she had no right to tell me about it, that i simply asked and then began to get personal. you are everything in the end

got to the point that i began to call her fat, but these are strangers. yes, and when loved ones suffer, they used to suffer from this, my mother suffered a lot, but now i already control myself. mostly. these outbreaks still occur by strangers . yes, because i love close people very much, and i even tell myself on purpose. you love close people, or you have already received from them. well, figuratively, they say, in the teeth for your outbursts. now you reflex don't, please. my mom is very patient. thank you. she for it. well, it does. so, that somewhere, apparently, in relations with loved ones, you are holding back, holding back, and this is what happens next, well , releasing your parse on purpose, as if it were people close to me, but i don’t feel sorry for them, therefore, basically some cashier who suffers like you can't stop? yes, when this outbreak starts, yes, and then i feel a lot of remorse, i suffer, but you are a woman whom i then began

to call fat, and to us, well, she herself was in shock, because, as it were, that i had already become a personality go poke her specifically. well that i show by this that i do not respect her, and she tells me. well, you know , i fed you a girl for this ; i went to apologize to her. because it is conscience or it is fear, to feed you will also give you different things. no fear of punishment and feeling remorse are two different things. both were at that moment. i'm not exactly out of fear. eh, i apologized. i'm sorry, i can't do that. i really apologized. because i cooled down in a second, i repented of it. but, of course, when she told me, like about karma, but here, uh, you are us. so, at first they were deceived from the very beginning when they said that you do not control it. it turns out that you do control it to some extent, firstly, look.

the first element of control. you began to hold back with your close second element of control, and you went to apologize. this is also an indicator that you are in some way in control of this to some extent. yes, it will get rid of it completely. i can't and it makes me very anxious. why maybe not ? you can already see how she understands that he just looks completely ugly. yes , because the person in it is a disgrace. i look like a habalka, first of all, like someone who came from the village. eh, the aunt who curses everyone was such a case, we were traveling on a bus to a woman. somehow, in short, they punched the ticket incorrectly, and she sits, and now she curses this driver, and she cannot stop such a crazy fool. i understand that at the moment i look just like this woman. i want to stop this. this funnel of negativity in life, at least start with yourself and even the people who give it to me,

now it’s true, i’m not at all cunning in any case to answer good. if there the cashiers did not ask for money. she gave me the wrong item. well, nothing to wish and good luck and move on. damn, read it somewhere. uh, in social networks about what is needed, but to be calm, to do good. here are all the internet to grab your voice is absolutely right standards clearly alien to you in your personality. you are such a normal, habalist, which means you are a young woman, and then you start to drive yourself into these standards. ah, i must be forgiving, kind to answer good for evil. yes, where else did you get it? well, you just understand that when i feel good inside me, it is it that gives rise to positive thinking in me, if i start quarreling with people once in a row , two scandals, and that's it. this is in me this is an accumulation of negativity. and i already hate the whole world. i already hate everything that surrounds me

all the circumstances, damn it, and you work in moscow longevity with the elderly? yes? yes, you don’t have them either, girls. there, too, keep it in your hands. and at i don’t even have any precedents there to somehow flare up, and there is no one to get annoyed with. absolutely wonderful people work there. this is precisely not the satisfaction of circumstances or without punishment. you understand that if you are at work there is some kind of capricious grandmother, well, grandmothers. there are different ones and they will start you. uh, it means to piss off and you will betray. here's a flash. anger you, just fired , i can’t answer this question for you, because there were no precedents at work. on the whole, as it were, as i say, that sometimes i give myself a report. a volume where you can and where you can’t with loved ones at work you can’t be with a woman on the pier, can you where you really are? they cannot answer. yes? well, yes, where

you can already in it. uh, i meant that i can't stop, because i cross all the lines and make a fuss. it can be different. is this how you carry it started when you were a teenager or vice versa, when you finished school? well, acute irritability attacked me. this was the case. e. in the summer it was still a very long time ago . now you are a grown woman. yes yes, another case was on the train in anapa, when next to us, we went to work as animators this summer in anapa, it was two and a half days to go with us, women sat down. well, also haballists. they also go to the sea from some village for the first time. they got drunk. and they started to provoke me. well, naturally, it provokes the one who is provoked and naturally. i responded to their provocation. there was also a verbal altercation. he got into a lot of trouble. they are trying to offend me

that i have scattered my clothes all over the train. i somehow try to hurt them, and in in general, uh, well, how would the neighbors in the compartment drive forward 2.5 days and already just sat down like this, well, i don’t know about you natalya but i feel that when polina tells conflicts. she comes alive. i have such a sparkle in my eyes, some kind of liveliness appears and vice versa, when you polina starts talking. so i have to be kind, because i still have this, well, somehow it’s not with you somehow your life is getting smaller. you are like a clinical to me. psychosis advise you to stay such a hawalka and to make trouble and walk around like he is an excellent psychologist on the air, he is now provoking you. and you understand perfectly well, that you are about to start yelling at us, and perhaps even obscene language. yes, let's try to know what to think. if it has recently begun, there may be some kind of hormonal history. maybe an endocrinologist needs to go. i

checked here is a red psycho to me. my mom tested me. yes and so why am i seeing a psychiatrist? wow, yes. and what if, since when, well, when my grandmother died in march, it was a very strong shock for me, and i was prescribed antidepressants from these antidepressants. i started getting irritable. oh, here's the thing, it started and i was prescribed other drugs. they even said that maybe i have bipolar disorder, then they told me. i started having allergies. i went to another psychiatrist. now i take very small amounts, but i'll tell you that well, it's still not made anywhere. let's talk in general. here again, after all, this request is an injustice, a request to prove one's case. here he always was, of course, always,

if antey's antifreeze did appear, then they just provoked what happened a little . and in fact, most likely the guy is in the personality. well, there is already this feature, and some kind of sharp reaction, for example, to injustice. yes, justice in the understanding of polina yes, for some kind of disorder. and now, the very good that should be with fists. i'm just wondering, the very mechanics of these outbreaks. why do they arise? that is, what actually screams in polina when she screams at the cashier pyaterochka or at and i'm a mother in persia something is screaming at her crown. crown crown, i know how everything in this world should be arranged. i am the smartest. i'll tell you all now. and if you are in my model of my fantasy, don’t fit in, i

’ll start stomping my feet, i know from childhood whether it’s coming dad is there. what tell? well, basically i was brought up by my mother and grandmother. this is noticeable. yes, my father does not raise me. and why is it noticeable how this can be connected, but no, here is the male limiting beginning of this? come on, no one gave on the lips for shouting obscenities from childhood, not that lips sense, yes, that's not there, and mom , you see, she's so forgiving. yes, such a person prays almost for you, but what was it like tell me please, what was it like going to bed with my grandmother, a village of cities, the city of kirovo-chepets, the kirov region, where i grew up and was born mikhail is right, and my mother and grandmother fought me, i was the first and only child in everything in our entire large family. and they prayed for me. i gave

hope. i'm the light in the window, of course. i was forgiven everything. well, in general, of course, the situation was alarming. mom went to work. i lived with her grandmother. uh, grandma was so almost crying, and in moscow for 5 years. and of course, all this was transferred not enough money. mom was making money. mm, how could they, they brought me up to give me a better future and yes, i agree that this is such nurturing, but now it affects the fact that when the picture of the world is slightly different from what i am in i don't like it in my head. i feel irritated. i can’t put him anywhere yet and i really didn’t come here because of popularity. i came here because this problem really worries me a lot. i work with a psychologist. and i often

discuss this with her. where are these children, when you are on the bus in the morning, i really want to enjoy the new day. i really feel better when i smile. i really love myself more than this when i have gratitude, and i didn’t read that much. this is the philosophy that i teach myself. this is a podcast with the psyche, where i am a journalist, natalya loseva and clinical psychologist mikhail khors sort out the most complex riddles labyrinths psychological situations. so you are 18 years old , just such a girl. yes, uh, who was nurtured by my grandmother and mothers, which, as i understand it, a lot of things were allowed. yes, suddenly go to moscow right? why did you go to moscow why and where did you go to study, russian state social university, we entered the university, but on a budget, everything is fine with me. mom, grandmother were proud of their daughter, well done well, yes, well, they wanted to let me go,

but i, as it were, who could i survive in moscow, well, it was hard. and what was lonely the first time i broke away from mom from my grandmother , who did everything for me around the house, cooked and cleaned. and so i myself, in all of vast moscow , still can’t dorm. there was a lot of conflict with other girls. well, there were a carrot girl on my shelf, put this carrot, then flew all over the room. well , not in march. it all started with you, in fact. the problem was with an acute reaction , it was always yes, yes. what was the story with the carrots? why did she start flying? because the girl just took your shelf. well either i, on the contrary, put it on the shelf. she asked me to leave. and i somehow very sharply told you that there is not enough space in this refrigerator? take your carrots and get out that is some of your personal little place in it to live at all. yes, your little piece

that belongs to you at least situationally in this situation. yes, and they went down on him and that's it. and here, then, the lid flies. yes, the fountain is open. you can't get yourself on i want to remember. on the line, but the phrase is something like i don't want the caller to think that i am this one came. here from the village habalka. listen, so you came from the village, the city of kirovo-chepetsk is not a village. well, okay, by moscow standards, any moscow will tell you yes, that this is a village, but, but that’s not the point, it’s not bad to come from the village. why do you have this very rustic assertiveness that some call khabarists, a very good work of such a bad normal town. you are like that, it means that you made your way here, arrived. here, after all, yours is what they call habalistic, that is, she gives you this this is your success and ensured. you deny it very much. i'm not saying that she shouldn't work to work. your problem was. this is yours, what was the matter? what is it about here?

well, it’s so conventionally called to come from the village or to be in a muscovite, if people are muscovites who are not distinguished by the best manners, the point here is simply how i am. i see myself defending myself, and you defend yourself when you scream, and when you are torn down, it goes. uh, some kind of your protection, either where it hurts or where you are afraid. yes you start this mikhail is now trying to get to the bottom of something to defend himself. what does it mean to prove that i am here, uh, either i belong by right, yes, or i have the right, and not to hang around those who value it, or there you are proving something, you are this, this moment is not at all, so that i don't seem like someone. in short, the question is, at what cost? at what cost , at the cost of turning myself inside out, i don’t want to, but here’s a concept for you, damn it, you see, there is such a loud behavior, obsessive

seeking conflict behavior, yes, but there are emotions. here's how you look at this an approach that you can separate emotions, and behavior separately, so that you can continue to behave like this when you need to control it, but at the same time not fall into this nits. do not try to stop the behavior of the ability to apply this behavior. this is valuable, for example , to raise your voice to some scoundrel. yes , of course, i understand that he is here, yes, but now i yelled at you. i don't feel any anger towards you. i just applied this behavior. that's what i'm trying to tell you, this is the first. yes? work with the emotion, not the dream. and you most likely on the contrary, you are trying to suppress it in yourself, how not to behave like that there. and how to work with emotion, and for this you need to understand that your

emotions are not a consequence of the behavior of other people. this is a consequence of the fact that you imagined people for yourself. and you demand from them that they match your fantasy, so work with your imagination. and it will give you the opportunity to worry less less annoyed. tell me, is this true ? everyone has their own no wrong. let's deal with the truth separately moose economic psychologist. mikhail khors disassembles the most difficult technical what is the truth? well, the truth is, this is some fact or some obvious description of the obvious reality that people agree, no, not people, but which you can

go check. yes, you can check to be sure. so, do you agree with polina that the word truth means a statement that corresponds to objective reality let it be yes, in general , let it be yes, how do you know that people lie to you what they tell you, basically i feel, yes, well- ka, let me tell you a phrase now. and you tell the truth. i tell you or not. well, i'll try, i'm a twelve-year-old girl. you felt it. there is no truth, which can be felt objectively. this is what it is, and if you feel it, your feelings, they can correspond to reality. we until you check yours, right? we don't know if it's true or not? so, while you consider your fantasies correct. and try to rely on them as the truth. yes you will

conflict with this world? take your fantasies, i must be respected, for example, the saleswoman in the store is obliged to me relate. so-and-so, go and check, and if she treats you differently in fact, then your fantasy is erroneous, you fantasized something for yourself and you are trying to rely on this fantasy. now, if i imagine myself here a very beautiful table and try to lean on it, what will happen to me, and it will hurt me. so i understood, just like that from afar they began to tell me that you are justifying the aggression that you can afford. but if by the word justify we mean, i tell the truth, then, yes, i understand aggressively. and this is true, and this is normal aggression, the norm, of course, put an end to it. but this is not true. well, michael well,

look, you can say, probably now what? well, well, there are a lot of circumstances that we switched to communications in social networks, where there is a lot of anonymous we, but in general we somehow expanded it. ah, the limits. we see that aggression in society is beginning to grow. and in candlelight, aggression begins to grow. it is clear why both impunity and anonymity, as you said, therefore, what was unacceptable it becomes run social networks, but in real life for aggression, maybe get an eye and let's, well, hypothetically assume that polina got in the eye, right? well, as until now, it didn’t work out reflex not to do this, because you know such a burn and reflex yes, here i got burned, nothing scary already think, maybe, after all, people who

feel like this, but poorly controlled debuts of aggression, maybe still go to the doctor, because the truth will end, maybe not very well. yes? well, apart from what you mess up relationships with people. you can actually get some pretty tough responses from the same person who is even worse at controlling emotions than you are such a story. yes but still, i would advise you to apply, if for help to specialists, then, well, conditionally, according to the increase in the severity of the impact. yes, it's better to see a psychiatrist first. we went right away and the psychiatrist immediately prescribed pills. here is the degree of influence. yes, but if you went to a cognitive psychologist, for example, and he would help you with yours, but these beliefs, that you must be respected, that if you are not respected, then it's bad, that you must live up to your array fantasies. he reacts to what, here are all the situations that polina told us, yes, you do not respect me. you don’t take me here

for an important unit of society, it doesn’t matter on the pier or in a hostel, it’s cold to mikhailovich for sure. and who is pauline with us? do you think that the one who does not have it constantly demands respect for himself ? yeah, it feels wounded, as it were, he collects permanent signs of respect. and also more he tries to find signs of disrespect. that's why my philosophy about this, with which i came here initially to love myself and stop. it's like, well, you're on the right track to collect it. and what is self love ? i respect myself, i adequately assess reality. if somewhere my rights are infringed, i do not feed on fantasies that i am the main one on my head, my crown is no longer worth it. that is, as we know, yes, here, but work with a psychologist is visible, and love, for example, dostoevsky

, as he defined the word love. he said we we love a person when we accept him the way god created him. yes, god created you. what kind of irritable irritability is that quality with which we are born? this is not, this is a formed quality, but he gave you such parents such a living environment. well, god's destiny is there, whatever you want, life is called the universe as you now like to call everything like this, but you were given this, accept it. and then you only change, because first polina must realize that i am like that, i react. i'm not bad because i am like that and yes, it can interfere with me sometime, but once it helped me. believe me , what a girl from kirochki has achieved in her life, who now lives and works in moscow. and the majority. yes, yours have not yet finished off

this, uh, aggressiveness has served you in this significant service. and you decide to completely reshape yourself. well, how is it damn, but with men, as well as so-so, you can show boys. such that is there you know what is called a young man there is no? we keep trying to climb some a parallel theme that is not directly psyche, nothing parallel. you see, you are completely human and everything is intertwined with men there. i am a dependent victim there, i did not dare to open my mouth, and now since i work, while the man of my life. no, that is, the previous experience with the young man was not very good. yes, it’s just important for us to understand everything, in my opinion, not a very young man,

right? are you old enough? yeah wow married rich out big out big car. yes, mikhail sees you as moscow, of course embarrassing. i was not very bothered. we , we are not dissolved, that is, there was some kind of age man. not free. yes, you had a mistress. well, he just chose between me and he even chose for himself, even my wife was. it's just that it was also necessary not to have a wife, yes, well, as she tells you, therefore. yes, and you felt like a victim in these relationships. yes, in principle, i felt like a victim in my life until recently. in general , i felt that life had not offended me, but something of this is a protective reaction. we see it, right? the only thing is that somewhere it is directly very

strongly expressed, but in relationships it’s the other way around, yes, therefore, of course , if you align a little here and it’s better in relationships, you can also make some of your own words and statements of money. of course, of course, listen, when did you draw a piece of paper like this, and for yourself a plate on a piece of paper in two parts? where would you write, for example, what you didn’t give in your life, and why did you give you excesses? no, i didn’t draw, because now i am grateful for everything. what is it that happened so here's five. here's something that's bothering me. mikhail polina will now believe, yes, because there is no gratitude for everything. it has been read again. we have seen enough of the internet gur and this one should be grateful for everything. yes, it shouldn't be. well, you're alive. objects, maybe for something ungrateful and something you can experience in your life with you, that you became a friend for everything after you felt what life has given you today? this is after being really bad. there was some kind of crisis, of course. tell us what was close. well, when

these relationships ended, and the whole life collapsed, and what exactly? no it was. it was before, damn it, tell me, but what collapsed, what dreams are all goals a dream? what was it like when you marry this person, merge with him 100%, never let him go at all and he promised you this, right? or he made it clear, most likely he swore on blood that he would not return to her again and left her. and how he left you, he said right here, or simply disappeared. just said. yes, the police are everything, yes, the relationship is over. i already said later that's it, i'm ready to be the tenth twenty-fifth, please, just don't leave me. throw it away, you also depended financially. or only material dependent. yes, and when he left you, he also stopped his material obligations. well, there was no such thing that i was completely financially dependent on him, but i always knew that if i didn’t earn money somewhere, i could apply. that is, all this happened in

moscow already, right? he is moscow and did you move here to him or not? yes, i went to study, in general, i left everything completely without everything. the old one, and then somehow you just felt that you were absolutely thrown out, died too, that your grandmother died. it was a big foothold. she nurtured me like no one else in this life. i thought that you were losing the luggage that had been with you since childhood and losing that freshly acquired, so to speak , suitcase that you really counted on, i was losing support under my feet. i understand that i don’t have any reliance on myself, and i need to look for it, so your emotions are all yours, so to speak, laid down by these, uh, features emotional some laxity she mustache. is being ruined, yes, and i’ll just clean you up now, you live for your own, when your phrase that you don’t have self-reliance is this already exists now, then no, then it wasn’t, when she stayed and yes, they learned for you. who taught studied at the institute and acted on her own, when your

phrase is that you then did not have self-reliance, and this is true or false. true, how true, that is, you teach yourself and study yourself. she came herself, although her parents did not let her go. she entered the budget. itself here, means, in i made my way to moscow, including looking for an elderly lover for myself, well, okay, compared to you, it will look like me , okay, we'll see, right? eh, it means that you did all this yourself, but you didn’t have any reliance on yourself, it was reliance on ambition. so you have self-reliance. was what happened? you were comfortable, and well, she was, maybe less than you wanted, but she was, you see, when you deny your achievements. you are like a series of this support, what is your mistake? remember what you said, how christ has a itch? that is, at

you in your fantasies about your life again, a world in which it’s good and calm like a mother and grandmother. yes, but we are adults. yes, hello, adult life is bigger than this world, in fact , it was not, because in part. it was your reliance on you partially on them. now you have less reliance on other people, but this does not mean that you do not have any. understood? take this, tell me. now i rely on myself, i rely on myself. but we took polina right to the bone, but now i want us to still be on the line and everyone, everything others, people who also have such situations when there is an outburst of anger, some kind of irritability, when a feeling of injustice or disrespect. whether it is not enough any triggers works. here you open your mouth. and it seems that you begin to say fair things at first just loudly then you

are carried. if there are some tricks that can be used in this situation, but besides there, count to ten and either a person can apply, or can no longer. let's try. means every time there is some kind of out-of-control behavior. yes, but it's important understand that this is just like alcoholics. i also have out of control behavior. and yes, it goes there. here you have such an angry binge anger yes, you lose control and leave. no, they lose control and go into drinking. so, when they come out of this, they begin to feel a powerful sense of guilt and shame. and you also have a powerful sense of guilt and shame for your angry outbursts. and this is the guilt and shame that you feel as a result overstrains your nervous system and then against this background, against the background of this overstrain, any clue there causes you flash again and so here is this vicious circle breaks. on a sense of guilt and shame, that

is, here, when well, well, they yelled at whom? well, it happened. well, there were their habalki, in fact, this part of your character. it's okay. yes, that's what you have to say. i want to be different, but as long as i'm like that, i won't scold myself for it. i love myself like this. and now, when you learn to love yourself as a habalist, it will be much easier for you to control it. in the meantime, you hate yourself for it . your nervous system is on edge and control your aggression. they tell you, it's more difficult, well, after all. now she already feels that she has rolled up. well, what should we do, when we admit that we have it, we can lock ourselves in the bath in advance and just roar here we suffered here we suffered we suffered we got there safely. well, what would

you do to roar in a safe place, right? ah, you need to remember that you are like that, in short, i understand, pauline you really can’t accept yourself the way you are, and of course you want to be different you want to be like that classy balanced always nice, but now it's not you, but you and me with mikhail you tried for half an hour to play yourself other but in the end. we got to the core of you, hid you , admitted that anyway, you are also nothing and even like a havalier. you, too, nothing left of the word insults personally believe. this is generally an advantage. use it i consider it an advantage, but i believe that you are on the right track, because you have already demonstrated such strength to us, if in your life, because well, of course, worn out, kalach well, you say yes, grated kalach victims beaten for carrots, why did she remember this situation with carrots before?

this is a podcast of the psyche. and as you can see, we are practically doing surgery here, well, only psychological with a physical psychologist , candidate of psychological sciences mikhail kors. well, i am a journalist poured, as i can help him and our heroes. now polina , who does not want a sinful stick and believes that she will not be. thank you very much, yes? i really don’t accept myself again, only here from one extreme to another. you see, this is what a king turns out to be football, we are talking about the saw, and at the same time in the soviet union in russia they didn’t really see it and don’t know it, because it turns out to be big.