to knock the enemy out of the ukreon, senior lieutenant danil evsyugin discovered western-made multiple rocket launchers in the sky. under the command of the evsyugidrorect of missilemen, they destroyed targets and prevented the destruction of strategically important objects of the russian troops. in total, defending the position, the calculation of the senior lieutenant destroyed 78 air targets. the president held a working meeting with his special representative for environmental protection, ecology and transport sergey ivanov, he discussed some legislative initiatives aimed at improve the environmental situation in the country vladimir putin noted that such work requires the joint efforts of all branches of government, what do you think is the most important, what was done last year and what is a legal project, which is now at the stage of leaving the government of the state extended

producer liability act. it is very difficult and the law has not been prepared for a single year. it has to do with packaging. now the packaging manufacturer is fully responsible for either its disposal or disposal. another topic the number of leopards , which were on the verge of extinction, also increased by 150 individuals, according to ivanov. now there are 130 of them this year , 280 billion rubles are planned for national environmental projects. regular flights connected the kherson region of crimea from simferopol on the big fifty local bus, you can now go to skadovsk and hygienic and back as well, and regular flights connected hygienic dzhankoy and yalta the day before for the first time since big break. she did not go to the crimea directly without transfers. yes, and at a price

on the date and four times lower than before. local authorities. they promise to expand the market network and install additional flights as demand grows. that's all until we meet. hello this is a podcast triggers and with you we are sergei on ourselves on tatyana krasnovskaya, practicing psychologists and psychotherapists and our guests anastasia hello. hello nastya tell us what request, how did you come to us? well, i have a very complicated relationship with my mom. uh-huh hmm i would described it as a roller coaster, and we will measure its growing up, as it were, the complexity

of these roller coasters. she intensified. a and. the older she stopped, the more difficult it was for us, as it were, to find a common language with each other, for now. i studied at school. everything in general was fine. well, okay. i was in my teens. and how my mother raised me. eh, all my life, but at least she was. well, as if you were engaged in upbringing, mom, dad was present, you had some kind of relationship together, we communicate with dad. that is, i know him current family. i know, i communicate with my brother. builds they are divorced, they divorced when i was a year old, and hmm while i was in school. everything was like this. well, probably within the framework of the normal, when a teenage child, as if he grows up, then it became more difficult. i turned 18. i finished school there at 19 and started working. and so, when i started working, everything, as it were, began to pick up, just such very high speed. that is, we generally began to stop

understanding each other and i understand. we were hanging there some tension, irritation, and we just couldn’t communicate, and hmm, at some point it reached its peak and ended with me eventually moving out from my mother. we parted, i was 21 years old, and now you are 23. and we parted, but we parted in a scandal very big and uh, after i took it out, we, in my opinion, didn’t communicate at all for two or two and a half months . and i even remember how we started talking, he became very ill and hurt. it was mother's day. it was just the last sunday november, and i thought that i should congratulate my mother and so we started talking again and since then there has been such a trend that we really are like on a roller coaster, that is, we are on the rise, we communicate. we're all great. there is love. uh, understanding, fun, everything is great and something happens, and we

just fly down and stop talking. and at this moment, when we are flying down our own , we stop communicating, i feel a wild feeling hmm well, i guess i feel loneliness, after all, an abandoned kitten, and this always hurts me the last time. e is like that. we had a quarrel, in my opinion, in november just after that we seemed to have worked out for ourselves. an acceptable way of communication, that is, it ended up with us just, well, congratulating each other on the holidays, that is, the new year, christmas is there , and that's sort of all, but here's how to come to terms, after all, with this and stop feeling this pain. i don’t know, and there is one more, as it were, a big question, which also torments me very much. uh, these are the situations where we we swear, and this is the mechanics i use in my current own family. i mean, i

'm, well, we live with a guy. yes, that is, very well. very integrated with each other, as if we had very warm relations with his family. this is my family, but with him i sort of did the same thing that happened to me with my mother and it lets me go very quickly when i accelerate, but i really want to stop doing this, because i know how much it hurts, and i really do not need so you act in a relationship with your young man, as your mother does with you. that is you will recognize yourself in your reactions mom. yes , right here in general 100%, that is, even its expression. ah, script behavior. that is, here . well, right, yes, but only, uh, my mother grabbed it for a very long time. that is, after such a quarrel, we could not communicate there for a month and a half, and it was a very big and, as it were , always a scandal that we directly swore. and, well , it was all serious, and here i am accelerating

enough. there for 5-10 minutes. i understand that something is wrong, and i'm a little bit eclipsed, and it lets me go. and somehow i'm trying to clean it all up after myself. this just what is called psychology is the difference between temperament and character , because temperament is an innate prescription, and character is an acquired defense , and it is clear that your reactions are, so to speak, appropriated by the mother, some actions, but yours. you're just not long enough. mom can be silent for a long time. and i don’t know you there, leave in half an hour. and why do you need a mother at the age of 23, would you yourself be a mother already? so i can't answer this question. true, i understand that i already kind of adult. i am working. i am able to provide for myself. and it’s like i don’t need someone, but uh, well, at some point, when i realized that i still have a family, uh, i reconciled. well, it really let me down a lot. that is, i kind of agreed

that we have such a relationship with my mother, but it still hurts inside me. well, somehow i always had the feeling that such a family was needed, so that the parents were all together there. here it is, as it were, that is, there was this ideal picture of the world, and then i realized that it was just impossible. well, just like that, that is , it is so impossible that when i imagine, even my own wedding is there. it's terrible to admit, but i just can't imagine my mom in this picture. that is , as if they did not want her to be there or you are afraid of how she will behave. i would like her to be present, but i'm afraid it's like two different worlds. probably, yes, i'm afraid that she'll say something there, something, well, she'll do it, it's unlikely, but uh, yes, say something. maybe, especially since she's not very good accepts my privacy, that is my young man. eh, don't like it. yeah , that's probably how we just had a situation in which, uh, we were three of us at the same

table. i am my mother to him a young man and it was terrible. well, that is, at that moment i wanted to fall under the table honestly, because, as it seems to me, my mother did not behave very correctly towards him, although he , as it were, she saw him at that moment for the second time in her life and strange, well, i it seems strange to draw conclusions about the person you in fact, you don’t know, i can’t say exactly for the conclusions that she made, because she didn’t voice them. well then there it is, well you can just say it. i don't like it and i say why don't you like it? well, that's all i don't like. why do you each you think that she must like your young. well she says i don't like it. why is the question here? why? well, it's just purely interesting. well, no, i don't agree. well, you will now show me a photo of your young man. i'll say i don't like it but i doubt it you will be interested. why i don't like him, well, i agree, yes, i won't wonder why, but why mom doesn't

like him, you wonder, all of a sudden, in fact, of course, you would like her to like him. yes, of course, of course, but he doesn’t like her like that, no, i understand, she doesn’t like it happens, but why do you need her to answer your question? why do i like it? well, considering that i actually lived my whole life as a mother and my mother was, as it were, the center of my universe, and this is normal up to a certain age. yes, it is normal. well mom always had her own opinion , and i was always panicky, uh, scared that she wouldn’t like what i was doing, of course, doing or choosing someone or something else from me. well, right now the tears are so close. i would like to tell you how you feel when it doesn't work out that way. well, because it's like she doesn't every time . mm, well, not every time, but it's often like she

doesn't accept or doesn't understand me and my choice. and for some reason it really hurts me, although it would seem. what's the difference adult human. for some reason, this always hurts the steering wheel very much for me, because it seems to you that if you are loved, then you should be accepted. well, yes , maybe then it is worth answering the question. when for the first time in your life you felt that your mother did not love you. well, probably, when, just at that moment, right at all, when i moved away from her, we stopped communicating with her, and she didn’t even ask she didn’t ask clarifying questions, even like where i’m going, who i’ll be with live like i'm going to fry, and after that she generally doesn't was interested in my life, well, globally said that she was indifferent to you. and you

said that a mom was the center of your universe i did you feel that you were the center of the universe for mom? well, i can’t say that i felt it, but i was reminded of it. uh, that is, she seemed to be saying that you are my sunshine, you are my joy. not even like that. she is what she does a lot in order to educate me , so that i grow up, so that i can do everything, uh, so that i can be just some kind of, well, superhuman or not. but that is, well, so they didn't forget. how much she is betting on you for you. yes, it, in my opinion, did not develop further eternal life. and this, too, seemed to be explained by the fact that she chose

me, and not her personal life. you said that the feelings that you knew that your mother showed you. what are you important, but did you feel? what are you? i don't know at what point you changed. but here i clearly know that, well, these are my memories, my feelings until the moment i went to school. everything was great. uh, that is, we were right in general in perfect harmony, i think we were for each other, and the most probably the most important people in life. where did you travel. we drove. we were together somehow. yes, we were together, everything was cool. and so, when i went to school, probably in the first class. and now, when they began to give grades at school, there were some stories, and it already seemed to be beginning to somehow change , somehow this feeling, well, my memories. they were already different. that is,

these fears began to appear in me that they would scold me, what is there? i did something wrong and some restrictions have already begun. that is, they didn’t go there without walking, yes , punishment, there’s something else, and gradually gradually it all grew, and as if the scandals were stronger. and if it's a sense of security, which was before going to school. she started to crumble a little. yes, when mom you know that mom will accept and mom, your reliable rear. uh-huh, going to school with grades with some kind of meeting with society. it started to fall apart a little. yes, there was even a story when i was so much afraid that they would scold me for my grades, that she me, uh, when we did homework, she taught me. to show mistakes, well, with an eraser and a blade, and i took note of this and corrected it in my diary. well, of course, we the class teacher gave me a fuck, and i

got several times stronger. well, that is , i was right. received several times stronger decoy. i received from my mother several times stronger than if i just told that i had a deuce, but i got it for lying, right? well, of course, what is the most terrible punishment your mother came up with for you when you did not meet her expectations, of course, silence. i asked you a question. when did you first feel that your mother does not love you. i think it was at the moment when mom stopped contact with you for the first time, probably, yes, and it's scary. it's horrible. and i know what it is for her. this is also the most terrible punishment, of course. now, when your mother is not interested in you, she is silent, as if there, but, therefore, she does not love. but only there were six, and now he did 23 and today's our task is to get you out from there, so that at least the head could get out of there. let's see.

i remember that the realities are somehow interconnected. and what do you want to bend the sun, in the prosecutor's office at all at the same time awakening the premiere of a multi-part film tomorrow after the program time why wash yourself? am i sitting because of you? and sergey is with you, tatyana krasnovskaya, a psychologist and psychotherapists, and we are talking with nastya and her relationship with her mother is this relationship. you want to build with mom now. well it's understandable that i can't talk

to another person, but i just wish i could so that it is, well, at least in understanding, that is, so that i can know that i can calmly share with her something that is important to me, and even if i don’t like it, even if it doesn’t suit her, she would just said, well, well, that is, if you feel so good, then it's good. all i wanted was understanding. yes, tell me if you and i ended up on a desert island together with no hope of being rescued and you had to somehow build a relationship with me. now imagine imagine that you speak russian and i speak chinese. how would you share with me your experiences, fears, and worms?

well, that's probably what we're left with is sign language. well, i would be surprised, but the chinese do not understand our european public languages ​​in different ways. well, here you are gesticulating in full something. speak lopochtite. and i look at you and smile. i think that you are telling me some nice stories, have achieved my understanding. through what i don't understand. no answer, really, they come that moment when you would have grown up. probably somehow it would be necessary to explain

in the first place, to explain. secondly, to somehow cope with the fact that the other person does not understand you. there is another very important point - what you require from your mother, you do not give her. how could mom describe? so let's imagine such a situation that mom is here now, how would she write your attitude. i think she probably would also say that i do not understand her. well, i think so, because there is no other answer, because he if you just need to look objectively. i'm not the wrong kid to disown and say, i don't know him and i don't want that. well, why, well, i probably did not grow up the way she imagined, but globally, i have a profession. i have an education

, i’m like a normal, adequate, all good person. well, as it were, yes, that is, i do not suffer from any vices, everything is there, everything is fine. that is, in general, it seems to me that such children are not refused. and probably she would also just say that we have one big. i'm misunderstanding that we're just standing on different edges of this abyss. no, i think so. well, the only thing is when i talk to my dad and tell some stories that we have some situations. he tells me that they did the same. and there is this moment that, in anger, she compares me with him, of course, that is, she says, you, of course, you are all in him, yes, yes, you look like him stupidly, the breed is really a copy of dad outwardly, of course, and it delivers she is very uncomfortable. well, well, not back

climb up. mom unfortunately not, i believe me , fortunately you know, your story with your mother reminded me of one very interesting love story, which is described in our kama sutra in the morning. these are not pictures. the young man and the girl were very fond of each other and were waiting for permission to marry before the wedding. they are not natural. and so they got married never got married, according to the tradition of this place in india, there is such a tradition that the first wedding night, and the young spend in their parents' houses when it is already possible, but they must equally endure. well, after that they dispersed to the houses of their parents. and, of course, having waited for the sunrise, they ran towards each other, but when they came running , it turned out that between their villages, the ganges flowed a great great river without beginning and end, which could not be overcome. i haven't lived my whole life just looking at

each other from different shores. yes, there is a similarity in this and there is a way out in this, because you and your mother are like two very prickly, hedgehogs, which, if put in one box, they they will definitely stab each other. you need a distance. you need a distance. and, of course , the moment you went to school, apart from what happened. ah. well, i'll call it tertiary separation. yours from mom. yes, you reacted differently, ah, but you reacted the same way, firstly, you ended up, and in a society that now evaluates you, and seems to objectively evaluate and all evaluations are important for your mother, including, but you don’t correspond to the assessments that are there. i mean, it's not just fives. and of course, mom begins to somehow educate you in this sense, and the educational process has nothing to do with love. education is a spring. and of course, then i asked you

a question. when you first felt that your mother does not love you it was then when your mother began to evaluate you through the grades that you bring from school, let's say, and that's when she fell silent, of course, you felt uneasy. the fact is that that little nastya was really not able to cope with this already an adult woman. and it’s also true, it’s just time to grow up, apparently, to give your mother the right not to explain to you. why do not like your young man. well, yes, you understand a lot of other things to give your mother, because this is the only way you will show understanding of her position. well, i agree, just then, besides the fact that my young man simply doesn’t like it, she told me about it and hmm, as it were, there was a question. why u was another hmm, it seems to me, an important moment, i, uh, told her, i say, well, i’m happy with this person and my mother told me this, but i didn’t i see that you are now my mother is not alone. your

boyfriend will never be good enough. well, as if, when i was there in the eleventh grade and met with a boy from my school, who she liked, he just walked by the handles there. here she liked him, you walked by the handles in this matter. yes, probably , as if this was a problem, a bet on you, so no one who will be next to you will cause wild delight in your mother. but it seems to me that this is a question, but in manifestation you are offended by your mother’s manifestations when she is so way showed you that it is not very beautiful. me understands, yes showed you that your young man you do not like. she doesn't like it. it was just very annoying. and uh, i just kind of, i didn't even have questions then. e. what, well, how can he, well, maybe you don’t like it? and i had more of

a question, like ok, i don't like it. well, why is that? for what? is this the way to show her life? well, i'm not on purpose, i'm not going to destroy yours on purpose. she just does it to some this place. she does it perfectly. unconsciously. well, how to live? is this easy to accept? like a fact? well, well, here you live, for example, a neighbor and a neighbor are not at all interested in your happiness personally, but you somehow manage, it doesn’t mean at all that she doesn’t love you. i really hope you remember how, in your childhood, for the first time, for example, maybe for the first time, you experienced fear that your mother would not. i started experiencing it. uh, when i got older and started catching myself on this, when we had already parted, it made me very

bad, but mom will not sooner or later. yes, i kind of understand that, but it doesn't make it any easier. subconsciously, somewhere this wakes up and drives me into some kind of funnel to drive thoughts. i think what will happen next. i don't know. but still people die to live, it's true. well, as if i understand that, probably, i can continue to live with this, of course, you can’t over it. you will not be able to because you did not have time to tell mom how much you love her. about it. by the way, i also thought, well, and then maybe it’s worth learning talk with your mother until the moment when you admit your love to yourself, without expecting that she

will tell you this. i do this from time to time and we recently had a conversation m-m at christmas she took the initiative herself. she congratulated me. honestly. now i don't remember what she wrote to me. in general, i sort of answered this, that i propose to simply love each other and accept each other, and answered. well, live with it, hug, and i'm like that. hmm but if you want to get love and acceptance, here. tool. how to give what you want to receive stories. how could you give her love and acceptance? what steps can you take? well, it’s probably simple, in principle, to show this initiative to her, which i

want her to show there, call write to be interested if something is needed somehow. to participate in her life but you understand, as if when everything was fine, and we kind of climbed our rollercoaster. i participated in her life with the same success. i asked how she was doing. health is there somewhere, if needed, it helped where it is it was, perhaps, and i tried to use the resources, uh, and then, as it were , everything was always untwisted from some little thing. that is, i'm there, she wants me to go with her there for a birthday party to her friend, whom i don't know, but i had a very difficult working period. i say me. well, i probably won't go, because i really want to rest. and i kind of, well, uh, just

, well, i don’t want to, even that is, you can. i may not be the reason for this. i just don't want my mom clinging to it. what, yeah. don't you want to? i mean, you don't want it, and well, as it were, that is, how to go somewhere with me to some establishments. so it's just somehow there to receive gifts, so you're the first. and how to understand with me on my girlfriend's birthday? so you don't want to. uh-huh. and, as it were, it was untwisted, and again we stopped communicating, that is, we swore. i just faced a wave of some kind of misunderstanding here . what the hell am i, why can't i not want to? uh, to go somewhere, as it were, and there is generally some kind of girlfriend. see when we talk about acceptance. we're talking about that would take mom like that, no matter how trite it was. yes, this phrase sounded like accepting mom for who she is. you want that same acceptance, and you said i was a good kid. that's a really

good kid, but not perfect. ha-ha, most likely, says nastya is completely normal. yes, because if i were talking to her mother now, my mother would say i raised an ungrateful daughter, and an inattentive daughter, a daughter that her mother is not able to respect. uh will be a good child, i do not convince a good child, but not perfect, but mom mom is good, but not perfect. i mean, this very acceptance is born where we recognize that there are no ideal ones. each has its own manifestations , the question of the boundaries of these manifestations. well, in principle , there are no happy parents of grateful children. well, in principle, there is no such thing, every child is still a little bit, but did not reach what his parents expected from him, and every child believes that he doesn’t care a little, but they didn’t add it or they gave it,

but not that or given, but not like that. hmm, so you have a problem, love. more likely, mother is needed in order to create these problems through overcoming which we have grown up. castrigers with you, psychologist sergey na sebeyn, psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya, and our guests nastasya do you remember the moment when you had 14 years old from a children's clinic transferred to an adult one, yes, that is, in fact, from the age of 14 and already at the age of 15 . and the child goes to the clinic on his own. well, yes, well, a normal child. yes, healthy adults, so to speak , a child who turns out to be in a dependent relationship, really continues with his mother walk 18 or 19 and believe me. i know history at 30-35. uh-huh. these are the ones mom takes to see psychologists. i have met this or my mother comes and says, you know what my problem is. here my son is sick. and how old is the son of 308 they say, yes, it happens

that we cannot, we have not learned. we were not lucky and the connection is very strong, of course, but only the connection lasts for a long time. in general business. because your mother, of course, considered it her duty to give you a lot as much as she could, maybe more. yes, as soon as she considered it her duty, she distinguishes that she transferred this debt to you and you are now, and in this debt vein, right? that is, you must give now. yes? this is such a leitmotif, of course, it is also the most interesting thing, as are the conclusions. yes, but it's also about the expectation about your expectations from your mother mom's expectation from you. that's for sure. it also works in your relationship with your boyfriend about the same acceptance, right? i just understand that i, too, uh, cling to some little thing and spin on a flat place. although it doesn't

matter at all. great what do you notice? uh yeah, well it took me quite a while to figure out how to deal with it. i'll tell you a very simple thing, when you are at the moment when you recognize your mother in your behavior, it's just that inside i want to hear it out loud, true , some will think that you are crazy. just say, hello mom, yes, that is, welcome this part of your character. uh-huh it's not inborn, but it's acquired if it's acquired that means hmm you it seems, yes, well, conditionally it seems that it's uh the right tool for smoothing the right tool for survival the right tool for hmm s board with some kind of this situation. yes, because mom coped like that, you remember, too. now you do, but it's only a question of risk, that is, at some point when you start to say, hello mom, you will get a pause in

which you can take the risk of doing nothing with what you saw. yes, and then you understand, oh wow, but he, it turns out, did not wash the dishes. this does not mean at all that he does not love. it's just not washed dishes. yes, but sometimes at some point you can choose to react to your mother, sometimes this is a working and effective model. yes, just this pause will give you the opportunity to make a decision for yourself, as appropriate. now i will lead. it’s my mother who is now directing me inside me, or is it all the same. this is my decision. uh-huh if you plan to build your own life, then you have to prioritize. uh, where to direct your attention from this does not work, and the husband is always a priority can not. he is a priority on children. children mother is not a priority, and as you will form new participants in your life. your mom will take a backseat . and it's very difficult. it's hard for you

, it's hard for her. it is clear why, because she was betting on you, as tatyana correctly said? yes, it seems to her that she is losing, because she understands exactly that you should have been at least the president, and then you leave. you slip away from her and it hurts. but you hurt and why are you so afraid of the thought of your mother's death, although, well, no matter how none of us, thank god, is eternal yeah, but because a very large number are not a board of sayings, because your understatement lies in the fact that mom , i never conveyed to you what i meant or what i wanted to tell. this is something you don't need to do either of you. we'll have to get used to living with innuendo, as on different banks of the river. there was another very important moment the river was so turbulent that they could not hear each other. well, apparently, it’s as if that kind of our communication congratulating each other on holidays and rarely. well, as it were, well, not rarely, well, just learn.