other of their girlfriends, who addressed their dad there to their dad. i have never been able to say this word to anyone. i never pronounced papa. try talking now. this is just tell me that dad didn’t leave you, but with mom, and you specifically me. and what do you feel? when do you say it? it doesn't bother me that much. why do you think? i don't know, because half of your bitter and dramatic memories are related to what your mother said. maybe you took on just as much of her pain that her father

dumped her because it was humiliating. it was a loss for her, as a woman, and not having coped with these feelings herself. she passed on some of those emotions to you. and when you say, dad left us, i was a little surprised by this phrase. i would understand if they told him about my father left me, when i was two or my father left me, when i was 15 for my father left me when i was a year old, but when an adult woman says, dad left us. but you didn’t even see him, that is , it turns out that you took part of your mother’s experiences on themselves are not their own. well, yes, mom said that well, she told a lot, and she cried there. it was the same conversations, yes, and she had a serious problem. she lived in samarkand and abandoned women with

a child. this is culture, logically a big problem. it's an emotionally big problem, but it's not your problem. it turns out that then parts of you of the dramatic and painful history leave your life. yes, you need to digest a little more, of course. but i already know. where is it? which way to think and about how? think happy childhood. to do this , you just need to go back there and understand that your childhood was conditionally normal, it was what it was, it gave you the opportunity to grow up. she gave you the opportunity to be a healthy interesting woman, but for some reason you

chose for yourself the role of the daughter of an abandoned wife. dad left you your dad was not your dad for your mother. he was her husband and of course, the tragedy of abandoned women in samarkand is much higher. than the tragedy of a child whose father left. children grow up without fathers. and this is generally, in principle, i will reveal to you a secret in nature is normal. because men don't have the same instincts as women. well , at some point in my life, it was like that with well, i was offended by my mother. yes, i could not talk for a month or two to ignore. hard

to ignore together, huh? and this, by the way, was transferred to my personal life, where i also take offense. i am also silent, i do not communicate with my husband. then you offend that he is silent. how was your relationship with your mother? you and your mother were together with arcande, you lived alone, no one there was no more. no, at first we lived together, a cheerful laugh appeared. until the age of 14, we lived, but together, i tried in every possible way to help my mother in terms of the fact that she always worked. i was responsible for the house there, for the housekeeping, in the apartment we lived there early, i started

cutting salads there, then it came to cooking. and then a man came into her life. he began to visit us. i immediately did not like this man, but no one asked me, as it were, especially. about my feelings there, yes. well, at least there is no objection. i'm a stranger like a person. in our apartment, he somehow interfered in your life. and how can it be, for example, sleeping in your bed, eating from your plate, like masha and the bears sitting on your chair. it's obvious you can assume that he somehow guested on your mom's half.

that's why i ask, that is, he did not interfere in your life, did not educate you, did not try to teach life. no. no, this was not a sufficiently distant relationship with my mother. you were there because you initially showed this distance and you know how. how old were you at this moment? well, 14, you've already set your boundaries. but if that's what it's called. you understand that this is a border, right? and to be able to withstand the boundaries of an adult man of a 14-year-old girl is quite a serious step and an inner skill. which for some reason they forgot, yes, because now i don’t seem to have it, i can say this skill, i

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rhinostop helps fight a runny nose at an affordable price, and rhinostop double help helps to gently restore the mucosa for each rhinostop. this is a podcast triggers, psychologist sergey on himself, psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya, and our guests lola continue and so appeared. like you said, we got a man. well, my mom started drinking heavily with him. and at that time i either ran out into the street. the other guys were friends, that friends were guys who were from the same yard and we

were together. well, for me, a friend - you know, this is how i had an example , again from school there was a girl with whom i went to school and back with her, and there was an older sister and the second girl from our house had the same were two sisters. i saw their relationship with each other, how they, yes, yes, how they communicate with each other, and i wanted the same sisters. well, i wanted a sister, yes, of course. so maybe you, then, like that mammoth who is looking for a mother, are looking for a sister or brother, and they are friends and comrades. now i'm not looking, but in the room for a sister. well, girlfriend, i'm just limiting these incomprehensibly, it seems that you are merging from this concept, because you are watching. i tell you at your place, that is, you had friends. you talk to me friend and began to describe the sisterly relationship. that

there is a friend for me. this is a sister , that's what. that is, i am. i just want to see you. look, when i ask you, you tell, you say, and i was with other guys. i say, that is, friends, after all, they were. you say, no, this is not exactly what i would like, of course, it would be great to run away from home with my sister. well, there was no sister. okay let's be right relationship should be such a gap. there must be a lot of intimacy, but you ran away from home, what happened? well, i either left, yes, or i locked myself in my room and it happened. so it didn't work out. for days at all from the room. bye.

and there it could. start continue end, because they will learn right away and i didn’t want to see all this. and then it happened, so apparently, my mother fell in love very much. uh-huh, and the plague went on a leash, which offered to sell our three-room apartment and move in with him, but in a one-room apartment and she sold the only thing we managed to do it competently to register in this apartment. and so, when they ran out, well , they also continued to drink, and of course, and when the money ran out, and we wet it in the face

and said directly that i conditionally do not want to see you here in my apartment. i will get you out of here, only physically. i won’t touch you, but i’ll destroy you morally, and he didn’t touch, because he knew that we could report to the police there, that is, again everything is in order about the border. if your person can physically touch, but at the same time you say, because he knew, you didn’t say, he didn’t touch us physically, because he was a noble man of blue blood , brought up, educated, you said differently. it's just that he said it himself, lol , it doesn't matter what he said, it matters how you describe it. that is, he did not touch you, you are just another remark that everything is in order with the borders. well, how did you get out? he

has already begun to drink on his own without his mother , he has severely insulted you and your mother or mother with all sorts of words. yes, he directly insulted me, so i tried to protect myself and my mother. mom me the gorilla always pulled back, keep quiet there will be even more scandal. be quiet. and this is visible. and so, when i was already, when i was able to leave on my own, i left, well, to moscow from him. mom stayed here with him, how did your life in moscow develop? well, the first years it didn’t really get to the point that i had to spend the night on the street. and even this

, well, as if it did not push me to the idea of ​​​​returning. for an hour you remembered how you spent the night on the street, that something happened there. we just spent the night on the street in the summer, in the winter somewhere in the entrance to the rooming house or right on the street, how long did it last. i was not alone. came with me, the same girl with the same problem. she also had a lot. because we are at home. did she, i had such a situation, as if we never had the idea to return or what? so you decided that you will survive at any cost? it just

seemed to me at that moment that it was even better here than there at the entrance. it's better here than there, sochi mom with mom. and it looks like you did it. do you even understand vova that they almost sound like that all success stories? read memoirs of successful people. i came to america with one dollar in my pocket. i came to moscow with a knapsack with things. i arrived there and spent the night on the street, and i arrived and worked, and i took out the garbage from the restaurant, that is , almost any success story is a person who does not take a prince. harry is there some one who was just waiting in the wings or an inheritance, but such a person who rose by himself on his own. each of them will have such a story. but for some reason you put this story in a box with a tragedy. but there is no tragedy. well, i mean, you can

look at it however you like. i myself began to periodically think that conditionally my brain got used to the fact that you have to constantly suffer. even sometimes my husband tells me why you are so negative. well, a negative person always sees the bad. it will not be very interesting to be friends with you if you describe your life in such a dramatic way all the time. podcast triggers with you sergey is a psychologist, psychotherapist and tatyana krasnovskaya, a family psychologist, and today we are talking about what triggers interfere her to be happy. let's see what you've managed to do if we take a look at your life. you came to moscow and spent 2 weeks at the entrance. what is your overall result now? now, of course, it’s a sin to complain, everything is fine. does the husband have a job?

eat? uh-huh we have an apartment there, right? well, i'm not rented, and my job is still such that i don't work for hire, which itself works. yes, i build my own financial schedule through me. how was fate? mom died, but she had already died in the eleventh year. it's good that they said we died, but no, well, well, because your dad left with your mom , a man came with you and your mom, if you also told me that you and your mom died that day, i would be too surprised. i think so too. i even think that the previous two cases are too much. after all, how your mother

died separately from you. but your daughter died. you are no longer a daughter. probably, well, since there is no mother, it means that there is no daughter of the role of a role model daughter no, well, yes, with the death of every person in our life. well, as if a part of us dies, yes. how do you say yes, here i say so in the affirmative, you agree. i'll ask you a simple question, and your father. i do not know why. i'd say we found your father. and now he's coming, what then? time has passed, perhaps, for what time has passed in order to be a daughter in order to need, probably need him. it seems to me, yes, maybe this is

the problem, that when you build relationships with people. you say to them unconsciously non-verbally declare that be my friend. i will need you. does need breed friendship? i always thought that i i'm not trying to impose. it ’s just the opposite for me and there is a process of being unobtrusive and after a while i ’m just there i stop communicating with a person. that is, even curiosity would not give you the opportunity to talk to your father now. well , i don't know what it should be. look, i'm simulating the situation. i tell you that your father is here and he will come to you now, that with you it will be like a stranger, but half of your blood. this is his blood. or

suddenly make him close. it's your choice yes, i understand, but simply, if i now imagine. what, here he stands, for example, but he is a stranger to me, you understand, the fact is that you deny not only his paternity. you deny exactly half of yourself. maybe that's why you're called by the wrong name. as you were called not that not that. it’s just that it’s abbreviated, you just cut off exactly half of me. yes, i understand this as a full name. it is hard to say. it's hard to say, it cuts a lot. rumor constantly to someone to me. well, no one but you can pronounce it. nobody knows him. what will happen?

but at the same time, when you described friends to me in childhood, describing through the sisterly relationship of your girlfriends, you gave me reason to believe that you are looking for blood ties. and your loneliness lies precisely in the fact that you seem to be alone by blood. like this hypothetical sister. this is the same half, this is the same half of the name , the same half of you, which, by the way it is a blood relative, will be with you. you are like a crescent in samarkand you see, one part of you is shown, and the other is in the shadow. the question is what overshadows the second

part? overshadows your grievances and your pain, which is not yours, you do not know the story, for what truth did your father leave you? we don't know what kind of wife your mother was , we don't know what kind of relationship they had. we don't know how you were born. well, in the sense of guessing physiological as a result of what? you do not know this whole story, but you take this whole story, and as if shift it to the dark side. that is, i should stop suffer to begin to pronounce the name, patronymic? after all, i only recently thought that i accepted reconciled. but right now i can't. try to do this without resigning yourself, without accepting through this block that is inside.

it is unlikely that you will have the same hysteria in the mfc , really. because honestly. let's what's your name? horror what happens if you do this? i can't even turn my tongue. i do not know why. imagine that you now see yourself at age 4 to your right. here look and imagine that there is a little girl 4 years old. i'll ask

you a simple question. but you will answer as soon as you hear the question. look at this girl. directly. imagine remember with pigtails with bows or combed ones who have just woken up or maybe on the street. what is her name? what does this name mean? night some kind of lotus like me. i understand it's beautiful. my name

zelola funny comes straight, but it's laughter through tears. he says he can't, because i can say shame now for what? for the patronymic, and what does it make you? what makes me, but if you then it means that you feel that something is wrong with you, having this patronymic. it's not that there's something wrong with me, that it's not sonorous. such

as others like, for example, i don’t know there. no one here can speak the first time, right? and i don’t know how it would sound in uzbek, i just don’t know the uzbek language, well , wasn’t your father’s full name written in the documents, how well, it turns out khairilo, when you get haylo gazy? no , this was already applied a little later. here it is corners, but still inside the everyday language it sounded exactly like that. well, yes, that i am his daughter

means daughter? and if it seems to you that it is somehow unsound. yes, indeed, it is not sonorous here, well, as if in this region in france no one will ask you for your patronymic at all. what matters is what happens inside of you. it just needs to stop cutting off that part of your personal history. it turns out well, as if suddenly, it will enter your life from the one that is already in your blood in your history. and most importantly, it will allow you to change tu most drama and separate from your drama of your mother. because only when you become exactly the manifested individuality without stories. you will be able to build relationships openly; you will not need to hide anything from people. first you need to allow yourself

your patronymic. this is belonging to your family to your father. i will try this is part of your identity and only through identity is born individuality. and the next step is to stop suffering. uh -huh well i think it will be a consequence. what "yes, thank you very much. thank you. friends, hello this is a sex in the light podcast. i

am anna banshchikova, i will talk today with a sexologist, a beautiful beautiful woman, my friend, and dear nazar aliyeva, we will talk about such an important topic about the sexual education of children. i had a situation where i have three children, my eldest 15-13 has two boys 13-15. you know, and my daughter is five years old, and somehow i was there, i don’t know , there, for example, and my daughter saw my there, uh, the eldest son washes in the shower, this team ran with horror. mom, did you see what he had? it hurts. you know, there are some simple ones and you, as it were, she was very small, she was 3 years old. and you, and in such confusion you know that in general, like me and what to say there, you start to say something, something there, here he is a boy. there you are a girl, she in the sense, and what does he have there at all? mom is that, uh, as it were, that is, all these questions or there, and some even small children. uh, you know there mom and here you have sisi and when i have boobs you start like a fool. what do you say when you 're little? that's where you grow up, and you

there will also be boobs near in short, and every time this is a stopper, in fact , absolutely this is true for all parents. and what can we say about children who are adults? well, yes, and actually i was going to tell you about it , that it is very important that the information that we give to the child corresponds to his age and the situation that happened to your daughter. yes, when she saw her brother's penis and was here, i specifically emphasize that it's a daughter, a cockerel, to say directly, there is a penis. well, how strange it sounds when you started a baby explain where they are eyes, where they wear these ears. it's somehow she somehow they all understood where the ears are, mom, look, this is it . show your eyes. here are the eyes. but this is the spout, and here are the handles and suddenly some kind of zone. yes, alva, yes, he does not study. this is weird. yes , if a child doesn’t know from childhood, it’s not called volvo volvo and is called a cookie, because it can go to tell, yes, that i’m sad today, because dad ate it again. we cookie is a true story. it's so in the garden

not recognized, incest sexual abuse, which could have been stopped earlier. if a child called a spade a spade, that is, a girl called things so simply and therefore said so, that is, so that they could m-m name what they have there with their organs, where they hurt, where they tried to touch, then, if teach the child, he will come and tell the truth. you know, i remember too, probably everyone at school started talking to you, and i actually kind of, well, never told anyone this story of me at school either, probably everyone at school had me there i don’t remember any more there was a teacher, there was physics or mathematics, as i remember that somehow he somehow touched me, and what is it? like a child, i don't understand. what it is? i'm not even talking to anyone. i don't get it right at all. this is not normal at all, what is it? it's terrible. more there, yes, i often listen to this argument, that before in the soviet union , under the union, everything was not like that, everyone lived there, they respected each other. everything was clean and everything was, of course, that is, nothing even about this . even think about it like this, that is, and we were so ignorant. in fact, we didn’t even understand what it meant, as if in general, in principle, i didn’t understand, i can tell you that i went

to an ordinary soviet moscow kindergarten, and i saved my sisters twice. once, apparently, the dophiles who were trying to take away, already my sister behind the house somewhere in the yards, beckoning her with candy, she was the second time in broad daylight, in the grass, the presence of other people with an egyptionist. well, actually took out his penis and tried to rub and sister. i was years old seven. i somehow settled down in my head that with other people's uncles. yes, what is it that it is something dangerous, i felt that it was something dangerous. yes, mom herself never spoke to us. just need to understand the parents. for example, i have never, to be honest, i have three children, i have never talked. that's how you say, you need to sit down with the child and somehow start talking about it, that is, it was not like this in your thoughts, and somehow all this. i never know. mm, that is, you need to need to put the child on the ice somehow to talk about everything about it, which is very convenient to take a book, for example, for children, there are now many magnificent books translated into russian.

and there i have, probably, about everything. my daughter chooses which one she wants to read, and of course, when she was younger, we skipped some topics for which she had not yet grown up. and what directly to read the book or how? yes, and there are drawings in these books. it's not just about sex there. yes, that's the whole big misconception that it's all about sex. you are direct emphasis to children show. there is no there about intimate places. there direct hygiene there about what, and not necessary with everyone in a row. he has no right to kiss , hug and touch. yes, and you are exactly the same, if you want to hug someone, ask permission, that is, such very banal things about e-socialization about the fact that the internet, yes, and as if i never had it. i believe, i believe, i bring up my children with such freedom and no limits. that is, they watch whatever they want. and in general, as with this, to be honest, it’s scary to me that just now we were talking about the older guys. e that they can climb on any site, yes, and to see something that is for the child's psyche, in general, uh, well, it's scary. i don’t try to see myself like that, i don’t know there, uh, at such an unmature age. i can't imagine what

would happen to me. how much it is necessary to limit thai bans, or then it’s all the same, all these bans always, then they will see somewhere, because we live in the same modern world, you can’t get away from this. and how to deal with it in general. when i think about it, i'm just scared, and i know that they, of course, where they get in there, and how they deal with it is unclear. look, i agree with you. we live in a digital world. yes, and our children at one, two or three can already eliminate all these blockages and you need to put a ban on the child, or is it, of course, where you can, you need to protect the child. yes, especially repulsive material. well, you know, citizens, i also had an example. here in my youth there i was friends with such a girlfriend, and she lived there with me in the neighborhood. she studied music all day long, and everything was forbidden to her, no one went to us , her parents were so strict and brought up, then she i grew up and turned 16 there. she went down in general in all serious, that is, it is not necessary to protect until 16 it is too late. it's late. i mean 5 years there. so, well, i know, for example, they didn’t forbid me anything there. yes, my dad, i don’t know, asked me there at the age of 12 we’ll go smoke there, that is, he says,

dad, i didn’t smoke. it's okay let's stop. let's go smoke, dad, i don't smoke, they don't do it there. it ’s like, really, nothing was forbidden to me, and they didn’t talk to me about it, but i didn’t do any things just i didn’t do everything, as if it’s maybe because i had such freedom, that is, these people are also not clear how to deal with it. how better. look, first of all, what are the key principles? yes, i agree with you that raising children is all freedom - that's good. well, they need to be educated in such a way that it is freedom, well, it is limited, where there is a danger to children and educate them so that they know the danger. you don't know what he's watching. yes, maybe he got on some site there, i don’t know what is there at all died, surely see. yes, violent porn is simple, because since the internet porn content has also grown exponentially, and now my friends, whose sons accidentally stumbled upon the roots, contact me, because dad left something there or there, i faced

the earliest at the age of four or six. yes the boys accidentally stumbled upon when they saw sexual intercourse. uh, in some kind of porn material, and this is, well, firstly, i want to reassure my parents that you didn’t happen to someone alone in the second week. yes, let's hear clearly that they are watching all this, and they see all this, and it's clear that they stumbled like this. you can stumble, the fact is that apparently, probably, as i think, as a mother, too , as if my intuitive is, as i think that i am. the main task of parents is to teach how to separate, like grains from pley. yes, to teach a child to see to hear, probably, yes, that is, it is probably brought up somehow, probably, we should start with this. well, before yes baby's idea of ​​what is a healthy sexuality that there is no idea what it is to lay some foundation. probably at first. yes, before you talk, and then maybe, that's how i think, then maybe you won't have to talk. that's what it's all about, you know? no, if you somehow pawned, he himself

understands that he doesn’t need this, that it’s not his there? yes how long will you not talk about contraception with a five-year-old? yes, you have an older son, whose son is 15. and you should have talked to him about contraception for a long time. yeah, they don't have us all the time funny how i won't say. i told him at the beginning of you, well, tell me, there, you still fell in love, that he was looking at me, mom. mom, like, hello, garage, i know you and me, exactly like that. mom basically. here is a face that moms, i understand about it more than you understand what you called sex. so it was, a runny nose. i saw my son somehow there on the phone. i saw that he was subscribed to some telegram channel about sex or some bunch of these channels, and he subscribed to the very thing that he reads and studies there and obviously by reaction it is clear that already, as it were, at what age do children begin to do this, when , in fact, they actually do this. tell me, please, i'm about to fall, so i don't need to. i don't want. i don't want to know, because, well, somehow in

our time. at what age do children e happen. eh, what is your word called? depends on the kids. yes, what do we know, we know that where there is a program, yes, comprehensive sexuality education. children start having sex later. where is it proved it already three known. yes, that is, and one of the common fears of conservative parents, that now we will begin to lead sex education, and all of ours will blossom here, will begin in this. i do not know sadoma gomorrah wedding sin. and here are all these horrors of pregnancy, infection, and so on. in fact, exactly the opposite. and what tells them there is interesting in such lessons , just like this, well, they tell the appropriate age. how do they get knowledge?