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this is a podcast of sex in the light on the first i am mark barto for today, my guest is a clinical psychologist lina dianova lina hello hello how wonderful the mood is, and such a topic is needed. you can move right away to make the topic interesting. we have today, of course, very piquant, even taboo somewhere not only in society, but also in families, this is adultery and cheating, who cheats more often - this is what you think from what i read according to statistics in 2008, such a psychologist by last name, hunger conducted a study that 70% of men and only 30% of women cheat so, uh, psychologists went to a dating site for cheaters. and there the situation was already different - 80% of men and 50% of married

women, well, both of them are in social relationships very close to the truth. i have data that we study that we conducted from our institute. and i think you will be interested and the audience. uh, the total percentage of infidelity 58% of men 54% of women. imagine, while, of course, while uh, it's not just married couples who are in a formal relationship. there are also cohabiting couples and couples who just meet would like to change from a number that do not change 17% of men 3% of women would like to change, but do not change. and what you just said is cheated by married men, and 50% of men, and with married men, 79% of women from among the past and i still know what collected statistics 30% of men find

lovers at work, and 20% of men and 35% of women change on vacation and 4% of men and 10% of women change neighbors. but here look what other cool statistics there are 50% of ming takes place in the house of one of the spouses. that is , you imagine, is it while someone is at work or has left somewhere? or someone who cheats on vacation does not know what he cheats on his bed or on her bed, so at home 30% of cases of cheating are picnics in nature or in the country 20% cheat on rented apartments and at the hotel. here's how to explain the psychology of a person who cheats in his apartment on the same bed on which he sleeps with his wife or spouse. well, they immediately come to my mind, but laziness. well, why bother, as if everything at home is already ready for everything familiar and b absence. well, here is the value

of the marital bed. it seems to me that there are adrenaline implanted people who lack some kind of thrill in life. they do not very often resort to such forms of sexual intimacy in order to, in addition to this peppercorn here the connection itself will still experience a huge impact. hormones of stress, what if it comes, and so, you know, what other statistics are interesting now, it will generally be just an unplanned number. 13% of men change unplanned and 6% of women. what kind of unplanned betrayal of a corporate party and so on is another phobia in the piggy bank , our viewers have a rest for women, that a man at corporate parties is more often than 6%, 6% of women and 13, you know, this unplanned betrayal seduced him, as they find out, it means about cheating 52% finds out that

the spouse changes or the partner through sms correspondence. i left the page not closed, and in social networks mail and so on and so on. that is, this is absolutely inattentiveness, and you know, it seems to me that these are really some strange people. they already perceive their behavior normally to such an extent that they don’t even think about somehow covering up their lies and their deceit, either this is the norm for them, or they just adapted. they are really scattered and inattentive. after all, there are also such people created by themselves 13%. uh, and man and wife. there we are here weeks on men and women 13% confessed guilt about learning about third parties. someone hires detectives, or asks their friends. it's 11% caught red-handed 6% and other evidence and now let's find out what's going on in society one more statistical let's, but it turns out that 18%

of women and only 10% of men cheat because of sexual dissatisfaction in relationships. it turns out that, as it were, men satisfy women less often than women satisfy men and women. you know, what percentage of women go to bed with a man without experiencing real pleasure, that is, they go to bed with a man. because they are afraid of losing their spouse , they are afraid that he will go to his mistress, find a mistress, or will turn to a woman for money, so as not to lose mutual understanding, and there are a lot of such women. i will not get attached to the numbers, and certainly, if we take a man who is next to such a woman in bed, the man is the same. well, yes, we are somewhere, perhaps similar to primates. or maybe even our brains are not so developed, like you, but we know how to feel. there is a difference when you eat on a boil. you, uh,

delicious borscht! ah, or when you drink, uh, it means that the borscht did not cook lean salty water. we must prepare. how does borsch turn into water, if yes, do you have a specific recommendation, how can a man prepare a woman for sex, if you assume from your theses that a man can feel? yes, you can feel. you feel that a woman lies with you in bed she somehow, well no matter how much he wants hmm you feel, well, you can definitely feel, you can no longer go and some truth. what's happening? yes? what's happened? why is everything like this with us ? and then there is some kind of contact, and then. well, it is born, then the prelude of arousal and a closer relationship, if this is a prelude

for each person, this is an absolutely normal experiment, which is carried out by various institutions that study human sexual behavior. uh, a certain number of married couples take an example men are asked a question and asked to mark them on their bodies. e, means a felt-tip pen or some kind of device that leaves traces of the main erogenous zones. what do you think what designated a man i suspect that the penis and you are not mistaken. but if you count, then the number of designated erogenous zones on the body of a man is known to be such a starry sky for clouds, that is, there is practically nothing there when they asked a similar question to women and asked them to designate erogenous zones on their body. it was real starry sky on a clear night, because every woman has a certain path that a man who loves his woman must

overcome in order to somehow prepare everything for sexual intimacy. nobody cancels. e spontaneous sex. he is present, he has a place to be, but the sexual constitution of a man and a woman is different and sexuality is different in time for you to be aroused. no, wait. why are you shy? wait, please, how long do you need to no. don't pressure me. watching with some. looking with what a man and you took away. and you took away. you took us off topic. i lead to the fact that women and men very often do not understand each other and blame one of the parties. if people don’t understand how to have sex, we can’t, and that’s why i asked how much time you need to have some kind of ritual to make you aroused, what should your man do with his ears. that is, he should buzz something pleasant in your ears. what is

the amount of time minute 2 5, 20? well, five is not enough, but it's about 20 minutes. let it buzz like that fine. we will return to your phrase that a man is a being of sensitivity. yes, and there is some degree. yes, if you go to bed with your woman and feel that this is not borscht, water, once he himself said what you would do. you feel it doesn't. well , look, we can figure it out in the moment, of course. you can ask if you have a headache . tell the leg. can this be done? we can look, in general, at the sexuality of men and women. here we come to the statistics, according to which men are less likely to satisfy women than women than men. we even before that, let's get to this with you about sexuality, if now our viewers, e men, ask a question. how much time does he need? here are the moments when he thought about sex until the moment when he was ready to engage in it, there are some

seconds and minutes for a woman, such options are possible in rare cases, but most often a woman needs preparation when a man comes from afar and sends sms love glasses meet work. or maybe wash the dishes for her, that is, it will create conditions in which a woman will feel not only object, thanks to which you can be satisfied, but also the personality of a person, you understand? i then have another question. do you know how many women are self-absorbed by satisfaction? it seems to me eighty eighty percent then i have a question for you. how can a man find out that his wife is secretly engaged in some reason? and he can't satisfy her. this is a very cool question because it is the most difficult question. after all, he goes into depth and intimacy in this pair, in general, intimacy in pairs. well a little yes on the example of my clients on the example of those

stories that i read on the blog, there and everywhere, that people very rarely talk to each other. and it depends not only on the woman or on the man. it depends on how people build their relationships, how ready they are for vulnerability in general. after all, this is a vulnerability to say what you want, in fact, this is already about sexual intelligence. this is when one partner can trust another to tell about their desires. i'll even give you an example. a woman comes and says. you know i stopped to feel pleasure in bed with my man the question is why, and i want that during sexual intimacy, he grabbed my throat and called me dirty words. we will not express how many such words there were and er, so that occasionally. he also beat me with his hand, which means he beat me. e, somewhere in the side with his palm and continued

to scold me and once when e we came from a party. i was under a lung, which means closet. i hinted to him about my desire. in response , i heard that nothing was a prostitute. yes, you are not normal. yes, you need your head treat. and she has such a need. uh, a man also come often complaining that he can not realize with his woman, but rather his dreams why because she does not perceive herself as a woman, but such a frivolous. accepts herself as a woman prostitute, that is, in her understanding. uh, so it's enough that she just gets into bed with him, he doesn't want to just get into bed with him, but he wants to, of course, of course, many studies show that a couple who live together or are in a relationship who are completely unfamiliar with each other

er, almost nothing sexual intimacy. and that's about sexual intelligence. this , of course, is a very good opportunity to pump it, and you can pump it when there is trust of the race in a couple, when the person himself is able to put everything that interests him into this pair. well, now, then tell me, please, at what moment? what do you think people need to indicate their sexual desires, so that later they may not spend 2 years. in vain as a result, to find out that the wife for some reason is not ready or maybe, for something, don’t look, you go on a date with a man. on the first day, you will not ask him the details of your sex life. well, it's no secret to anyone that a man goes on a date with a woman in order to seduce her as quickly as possible, but a woman does not come on a date for other reasons - this is perfectly understood, and without consciously. ah, most of the women who go on

a date with a man paint their lips put on a beautiful dress. this is a woman who, in her thoughts, has already admitted the possibility of intimacy with this man. let not on the first date, but so, it means on the second on the third or on the twentieth, but she has already approved his appearance in her intimate space. and a man sooner or later begins to hint at a woman. let's go to me, or somewhere else, while she tells him about her in this budgerigar in childhood, and he thinks where to take her and the mistake that women make is one of the indicators that there is uh, immaturity, sexual there is undeveloped sexual intelligence woman perceives it as a threat it starts with me sleeping. only after the wedding, or you have to change and deserve something else there. although in fact no one canceled the usual conversation on this topic. and when a woman begins to develop

, start a conversation with a man on a sexual topic. that is, she does not refuse him does not say. listen no, i don't want you, because i kind of don't mind. and how it will be, and how do you imagine it, and how would you like, and if you want, i'll tell you how i would like at this moment comes practically. silence, why because people are used to having sex with evaluative opinions, they are not ready to receive feedback that will emphasize his incapacity in bed, or it does not suit anyone, so people just have sex, but do not discuss this topic and just the same the reason in the family very often comes sexual how much this longing you do not answer my question specifically asked the question of when people tell each other their sexual preferences, so as not to waste 2 years. in vain, for example, and eventually discover that they don’t fit each other at all, the

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high-yield investors and earns like they do? install the tinkoff investment app and earn the largest social networks for investors. today our guest is lina dianova, we continue to change our fascinating dialogue with you. i know for sure. i had a client a man who cheated on his wife for several years and he cheated at work.

well, now it's well deserved. but you understand that pathological jealousy. she really can force another partner who does not give any reason to turn to the left and the percentage of that this will happen is probably 80, because there is already betrayal, as a factor stabilizing the psyche, and certainly. you know, i had cases in practice when a man was perverted. uh, so, uh, in sexual intimacy with his mistress, but not the form itself, but the intercourse was perverted from the way it was all organized. he had a pathologically jealous wife and in some moment in time he was an absolutely faithful man. so the main scandal happened when they were there at some kind of party, too, and she saw that some woman had approached him and invited him to dance, but he looked around and saw his woman refused her. well, she tied that like you

refused, because only i was there, if it wasn’t, you would have danced with her, and then you would have slept with her. and so he says at that moment something happened in me, and i found myself a mistress in a neighboring house. the change took place in the following way. he took trash can of a cigarette and talking to his wife. i’m going to throw out the garbage and smoke, my wife knew how much the cigarette was smoldering, she was so pathologically jealous, she always watched him, but naturally. she looks out the window , her husband comes out with a trash can, goes to the dumpster and throws out the trash. comes back comes comes to the entrance lights a cigarette at that moment opens the door to the entrance goes under the stairs, where his mistress is waiting for him from the next house while the cigarette is smoldering. the two of them have sex. sometimes not even succeed. achieve some kind of pleasure to orgasm. she is so accurate and here on this

wave of adrenaline. he comes home. and these stories can tell a lot. and by the way, you once called me a sexist in one of your videos, that i am very often like that, so what is the explanation for how you think the reasons for cheating in a man in a woman are different. this is sexism, sexism, of course, where did you get it from? well, i'll explain to you from the fact that there are people in general, yes, and there are people with different nervous systems. there are men, melancholic. eat milanese woman men and women, phlegmatic. there are different personality types and these people are very different and they change for different reasons. and you seem to share all the men change here are the reasons, because women are all melancholic and phlegmatic. and not only there are two hemispheres of the brain. so, and there are two more hemispheres of a semi-pedia,

you know, that's what they call someone. this is semi-poppy, but someone thinks with their heads and i think you are aware that genetically from birth there are people who, to one degree or another, have one of the dominant hemispheres, but the point is not that the point is that every person has analytical abilities. yes, and of course, any factor of betrayal, he, uh, is able to be accompanied by some kind of dialogue, when there is a certain degree of satisfaction, a man, a woman, sit down and talk to each other. and the fact that the nature of treason is completely different. it certainly is. the fact is there are men who cheat because he has problems. uh, with his self-esteem , there are women who cheat, because yes, but you understand that this is sex for a man. this is most often the usual physiology, when a man goes to the left, he can sleep with different women, while in rare cases

he experiences some feelings towards those. to the women he sleeps with, he can feel absolute sincere love for his woman. well, the so-called sincere. yes, it is clear that there will be no betrayal of real love, but he thinks so when a woman begins to sleep with a man. she does it emotionally. she does it sensual, but as soon as such a woman steps over. eh, the threshold of a psychotherapist through a session after one second, or a third, she understands that behind this fluffiness, but not sexual desire is hidden, her anxiety is hidden and her fear of rejection. and it's easier to come up with a legend that i live in the modern world and sleep. with whom i want. rather than admit to herself that no one needs her and confirmation of her fear is the fact that none of the men with whom she sleeps claim

her as a person. or maybe so that the woman obla. high sexual constitution but she sits so sits so miserable. there are not several types of sexual constitution - it is low high and medium yes, the obvious thing is that if a woman has a high sexual constitution, this means that she wants to have sex three or more times a week. this is already considered high, then she can limit herself because of social attitudes, that oh well, it will be somehow awkward there, for example, her husband does not provide her with such an amount, but she wants to have sex not because she does not respect herself, does not appreciate something else, because it's just sex and you want it well. and with the husband to try to solve a question in any way it is impossible. i think that it is impossible, if a man has a low sexual constitution, then they do not fit together here. they better tell. do you think that if a woman is not satisfied in a sexual relationship with

a man, it is normal to go left. well, for me , uh, as for a psychologist? yes, if a woman came to me and said, i am not satisfied in my relationship. so i'll tell you now, what i say, i would start to investigate. how did it happen that, well, in the first place, does the husband know? is that the first question? yes? if he doesn't know, then he should know about it. well, that would be nice, i'm fine with it. and then i would have already explored with this woman what she wants. tell me, please, do you have a young man? no husband no longer, how do you react at all, that compliments are very nice. nice from your man liked. well, different kind. i love it when appearance is praised and when intelligence is praised. and well, you can just say, well, not compliments, some

warm words are also cool. how to answer? why answer anything? do you accept? yes , i say thank you. very nice, hug him. no, well, i can hug. you see, and now you and i are talking about positive sexism. you know there is, uh, the negative system. yes and there is positive sex, and i will explain to you why so many supporters of sexism. there , feminists are ardent opponents of fighters, which means that there are for the rights between a man and a woman. they do not distinguish at all where there are rights, and where there are some sexist sentiments, so, they even very often attribute the complementary form of communication between men and women to sexism, believing that this is a form of manipulation and the desire to lull the vigilance of a woman in

a relationship so that, god forbid, she does not pretend to, uh, something more in a relationship with a man. we are definitely behind the ears with you. you can say whatever you want to say for a reason, you are sexists, not a sexist, but sexism itself is such a perverted form that allows, or rather does not allow even a normal, but an intellectually developed person and even this person’s psychotherapist to call for some kind of prudence, because absolutely any trauma. e not recognizing, for example, not positive criticism negative criticism. he is generally like a hedgehog. here are ardent sexists, what they will try and they did a compliment to a woman. yes, and i don’t need it, because she doesn’t need it, you know, if it’s like that you know, the ideal model, i increasingly meet her actually on social networks, which is like a woman who doesn’t need anything and compliments no need for an assessment of appearance. well

, if you say something you look cool, then i don’t need it either, but this, of course, you know, there is such a cool experiment, uh, with feminists. gathered feminists, means to argue with men in one room, and there were 20 feminists. moreover, they were all very harsh and 20 men who, according to the script , had to oppose something to the arguments that feminists, then , express, but since it was an experiment. uh, a very unexpected moment in the room where the feminists were, these men ran in several people with weapons and asked the woman to leave the room, all the feminists were blown away and they ran away. uh at the door. so fast that none of them had time, even some argument, but to state by saying, do you hear there, the man you are giving. come here. on what

basis did you work? naturally, the natural, constitutive woman recognized herself as a woman and left such experiments. i listen a lot. how about it's basic security? if men were told, there you four went to the city, equal rights, if feminists are fighting for us to recognize them as equal, no one is the most interesting, if you listen, feminists and the whole scenario of their life and everything that they broadcast it's a complete antagonism. it's a rivalry, you know, and when, for example, i express some thoughts about men and women. i spoke about the form of agreement, but not about antagonism. let's go to change. you have recommendations, specific people want and say that normal changes. i don't know, i think it's okay to change. well , such a form of being exists. she may, as they say, not. but if we are talking about recommendations, that is, he,

for example, here is a very convenient position, to blame will always change less again, it is not so a situation where one person is to blame. and there are situations when both partners are to blame. i will now explain when one person is an adrenaline addict. this is, for example, when a person has a neurotic need to be guilty for him too, well, when he is guilty, he is directly excited, well, for his partner, for example, low self-esteem. and this is a factor of chance, when a person, well , a corporate party, as we know, yes, men cheat more often, like, uh, statistics show and this person makes a choice, what happens by chance it surprises what the randomness factor means at a corporate party, uh, let's say. e. i have been to many corporate parties, as

people usually do. there they relax, have fun , dance, drink, some cocktails. well, that's not happening. in the presence of everyone , this is necessary. it will, yes, retire , for this you need to come up with some kind of alibi. if you have a relationship, for this you need to create some conditions, if it's not at the level of animals, listen, it's very easy. i imagine, for example, a room in which there are a lot of people and then everyone left. you two there were all uh, which means there were no self-service waiters and his two people were already pretty tipsy. and this is the factor of chance, but why one person is to blame, and not two, the factor of chance is impossible. if a person is not an animal, if we take this, i’ll just give you a simple example in the previous one, we all have it. eh, if you imagine such a scale, on the one hand, there are animal instincts, on the other hand, a person immediately has. yes, there are people whose mind

prevails. and even more so if there is a relationship a person understands, i am ready to stake everything that i have now. there are family relationships, children are also property, or i am ready to go for such a rash sexual intimacy and run home with bulging eyes. maybe even looked at the statistics , someone admits to this a small amount a small amount. yes, i talked about the fact that people have the benefit of thinking that there is always one person to blame, but there are cases when both partners are to blame. what do you think, in what cases are guilty both different cases will be possible, well, by and large, it's all one thing - these are problems in communication, when people are not interested in each other. they can't discuss problems together this is a big question. i think that they within a couple can serve many

needs, one of them is the unwillingness to admit that no one needs me. or no one wants me anymore. there is such a form, for example. sexuality yes, when a person unconsciously represses any opportunity to get intimate with his partner. that is, he may not even be aware of this, not a man, not a woman, but during the period falling in love, as a rule, deficient sexuality does not manifest itself. why ? because in any case, we are faced with an attack of hormones on the body. and, well, imagine just a straight stupid collective farm example, in your body, without falling in love, such a small glass is produced, which means dofamilial endorphins and everything else, you fall in love and there is such a bottle of you there, and you are together and at first it seems to you that wow how cool because listen the world health organization has recognized. uh,

means e. the period of falling in love with a mild mental disorder. we are not able to be adequate even in this inadequate period. we are missing our attention. that e that in the future e will affect relationships and this period calmed down, calmed down and a man in front of me, for example, if i am a woman in front of me is a man who is in deficient sexuality. that is, he does not even understand why he avoids contact with me. he quarrels with me. he himself is angry with me , shows aggression all so that the moment does not come when we approach each other. to a friend and get closer, and only in moments of crisis for himself, when he himself can’t stand it, he can make such a contact , there are both men and women, that is, my opinion, a person who is in a relationship should study himself very well . to summarize our conversation with you.

i think that the audience will be interested, after all , to hear some recommendations, what to look for, to avoid betrayal, either in the present or in the future. let's do it. the first is to pay attention to your sexual the second point is to talk honestly and openly with your partner about yourself , not about how to teach him something about yourself through i want, probably, the third point is not to be afraid to hear what your partner wants. i agree with you. i'll add one more. i can add a lot more, but i will add one more very important point, but before this question. you know uh hmm where is your sexual brake located where what should affect? whose man is good at sexy gas? yes, this is appearance and realization, here i am to yours

i will add to the list another very important point for our viewers. let them study their sexual constitution from the standpoint of sexual activity, when a woman is found in a state where the brake is active. yes, there may be different reasons , stress, physical fatigue, that is, when she really does not want intimacy, but go to bed, if this happens sooner or later, such a woman will form a rejection in sexual intimacy with a man. she will not want to do it and naturally will affect the desire of the man himself and study the gas factor, understanding due to what external circumstances of the internal states of foreplay, she is able to disperse her sexual desire as much as possible. and here is a very simple hint every month a woman begins to ovulate. during this period, whether you like it or not, you are in pain. the degree in a woman manifests itself in a sexual need approaching a man. from this point it is necessary to build on both

men and women should study this topic, they will not study the statistics of infidelity will increase, and we will meet with you and with other specialists and try to solve this problem. that's how they won't do anything. thank you so much. yes, after all, we wish our viewers to know, and each other from different angles, because sex without relationships and relationships without sex. they are basically impossible. it was a sex in the light podcast on first me mark burton lina dianova thank you for everything and be happy.