i will definitely support. thank you, i'm very happy thank you success. my name is natalya loseva. i am a journalist, and my co-host clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, mikhail khors , our heroine today came to us with a problem that, it seems to me, is typical for very many europeans. well, in any case, i came across quite a lot of such stories, and this does not beg this story in any way, on the contrary , it increases its importance. hello tatyana . what did you come to tell us about, i compare myself with others guys with more successful guys with those with whom we started, in principle,

compare together not in your favor, but objectively not in your favor. there are simply objective indicators, for example, the number of sales of the profession, the number of subscribers, that is , some such resources. that is measurable. how do they say it? yes, yes, and problems. that is, it lies in the fact that when i compare , i do not have a desire to do more, but i do the opposite. i lie down in some kind of apathy. and why then start, why then start and that's somehow a dialogue in my head? you still won't succeed. do you think? i probably don’t even think about whether it will work or not. i just have all my energy that could be used, it just drops, and then i can’t do anything at all. how old are you now

? uh, self-comparison, apathy. follow-up. uh, probably with the advent of social networks, where i began to notice how others develop. and i'm developing they are showing? how do they develop, right? have you ever heard of michael, have you also heard or when they are friends about such a syndrome, there is such a thomas syndrome, this is the english abbreviation owl of , that is, the feeling that i seem to fall out of this syndrome, he says that on the one hand, that we are all we watch time. what is happening there, it worries us very much, but on the other hand, it is being formed against the background of other people's demonstrated successes. i specifically emphasize this word, we get the feeling that i somehow missed it's an opportunity time some chances. i'm not like everyone in the worst sense. so that you simply understand that what you are describing today,

and it seems to me, michael this is very, very important. it's just this generation's sickness and sickness. it's in time. great. why did you start talking about it? and tell me about such a bright case, which wounded you right here and knocked you off your feet, but not that he directly knocked me off my feet. i adjusted and i stopped coming in and looking. and this is my friend. veronica we are with her hmm together, by essence started from the hostel started. in what sense, well, they began to develop professionally, that is, we had equal conditions. yes, we lived in a hostel, she, of course, is a little older. and what do you do, and i, uh, am a defectologist correcting children, right? uh-huh she e now started selling her services through social media like private educators, huh? or are you also

an unhappy person. she started as a private and i started as a private too. i continue. basically, as private, she began to collect groups, then collect groups of parents, then a collect mentorship for a group of parents. and uh, selling it all through social media and it's grown very much in revenue very much. it's a shame, you can argue, firstly, because remember the word objectively and characteristics sounded. yes, but they didn’t look at the current account or be guided by what she told you or what she shows in herself completely shows what she has in social and what she tells and what she shows and did not look at any of her expenses . in general, somewhere to travel, distant lands, where we do not beg once again for an expensive apartment for ourselves.

yes, veronica’s merit is quite possible, she herself has earned it, and it’s just that when we accurately believe that what people tell and show us is real , if we can’t check it in any way, then a small question mark under this statement it is worth putting it so it is or it seems so or is it people who have a particular impression about themselves example i have one friend who goes to the gym once every 2 weeks. but the video he was recorded for this entire period yes, for 14 days, he uploads something from the gym every day, but it happens there once every 2 weeks . we don't know exactly how your friend is. maybe she really achieved more success than you. but here, tatiana, it is very important to remember that if you have less money than someone else, this does not mean that there is not enough money. that's for sure, yes,

less and less are different things, so we, when we evaluate something ourselves, for example, yes, and in absolute characteristics, little is bad, poor hard. we really are. ah, as if for our psyche for our unconscious we lay down in a coffin. the lid covered everything badly. yes. but when we start comparing, we say, yes, i have less than veronica but more than peter ivanovich a. let 's try to talk about roots. why do we start comparing? why is it starting to compare? natural and normal? you just need to compare the two sides, you know, if we compare only there. we, that is, someone is worse, yes, then someone is worse, someone is poorer, some are less successful. yes? exactly? well, from your group, uh, everyone has achieved what you have achieved, far from all, far from all. it's

not even in the same fuss about it. yes, because you forget, uh, how to determine your exact location. understand when you compare only with her. you experience pain compare with that and with that it is easier to look at the positive period. we look in order to take an example from someone, but we also look back in order to understand how it happens. please tell us a little about what was before you said you started. i heard that in life. that is, you are not a muscovite, no. where are you from? i said that i feel sorry for the kaluga region, yes. and can i immediately put a tick in your head here? you are a girl and a rescued woman in the kaluga region, who today works in moscow, yes, but in fact i have achieved, but a lot. that is, i am now inviting me to teach at a university because, in general, a great specialist is something that i have no

doubt about, and there were even cases when it was a girl who earns more contacted me with questions about clients consulted for free. well, yes, well, we 'll think, yes, yes, that is, we discussed the issue, and dad and mom are proud of you now. yes , probably yes, you probably don’t know for sure, but how they say that they are proud, but this is a very correct phrase. yes, they tell me that we yes , i don’t know what they have inside, in general, the phrase is daughter. i'm proud of you, quite often sounded like your childhood, rather not. e in our family is so accepted, that it’s better not to overpraise. and, of course, this was not enough. that is, here are the parents, of course, we are taught. yes, during their upbringing, they teach us. uh, including noticing your own achievements. that's when we don't know how to do it, and

it's like every day we open our eyes and we have to start a little from scratch, but, because we deny our achievements. we say it's little it's not at all. and this is a start from scratch, well, of course, it motivates. now what's important, you're already a girl, 27 years old, right? yes, maybe you missed this from your parents? yes, but now who is it to you, maybe ? well, i myself, of course, and this is training train yourself to notice your achievements, what we are seeing with you now, we are with you a leather skin. two adults with some kind of knowledge base are trying to solve tatyana's problem somehow, you need to come to us with a problem. and in response we get such a very sluggish monosyllabic such. here's something there that 's barely spoken and i can't understand, no,

the motivation. there is no energy to solve the problem, maybe you need to rummage here, it's very cool. natalya to share these two concepts of energy motivation, because there is motivation. here is the motivation - this is the answer to the question. why and the second question? why? i want something in this life to do both of those things. if you ask, you are on them for sure. answer, yes , and why and why? but energy is some kind of our resource, it may not be enough, where does the energy go. the energy of your personality is not your body, but the forces of your personality it is very good to think that they leave these forces go into negative emotions. in negative experiences fear anxiety dissatisfaction with oneself irritation feeling, resentment guilt, that's the whole spectrum of negative

emotions overloads our nervous system and biochemically. we feel the same fatigue, as if we had been plowing for 3 days and had not eaten or slept there. well, yes, and therefore i, in general, after watching these stories , lie down, right in apathy, lie down for a while. what turns you on? well, somehow tell the story directly, when you are direct and so that we can see that you have a completely different context. well, really, what situation can give you strength so that you don’t open your own courses. yes, but it appeared there, i don’t know, some kind of anger healthy, in general, the approach is wrong here it is. let's, if we have a person without energy, let's fill him through him with something to actually ask what situations were, what , uh, they gave energy, that is, they are resource for her. your colleagues are doing, and i 'll tell you what she will feel now and think.

well, i had such situations, which means i have to generate them again, but i can’t , which means i’m bad and again god won’t be with energies from the uh studio and we’ll dissect it with you here. you see, without her. here let's decompose tatyana's personality into atom and, therefore, we somehow compose a secret for her. come on, you have come. your chance is sitting, by the way, a cool psychologist is sitting. let's get the maximum competence out of a hors colleague. let's extract the answer to the question from our wonderful tatyana why do people experience negative emotions? or you tell me why people experience negative emotions that take away their strength. uh-huh, there can be a lot of reasons, so help, let's no, because the hypothalamus , so to speak, is the usual answer - this is why i am like that i experience denial. because there is a certain life situation. and now she creates pain for me, with which i do not agree. for example, i do not agree and protest. it's already on our

side. yes, you understand your negative emotions tatiana, this is not a consequence of the situation in which you are, it is a consequence of the opinion that this situation is wrong. and secondly, what are we, this situation should be different right away. yes? and it’s not even a fact that i want to live the same way as she does me, in general, some of my goals, uh, my tasks their ideas in general about what i want to become and in moments. watching, i forget about some of my goals and, well, how would you envy, or what? ah honestly, that this envy jealousy. it's definitely not jealousy. what is envy? yes, and in some disorder. well , upset about me, that is , i don’t want her to be somehow different or that she didn’t have this. well, yes, it turns out that i want to have it there, or even cooler. well, now we

will talk about the signs. podcast psyche i journalist natalya loseva and my co-host clinical psychologist mikhail khors, candidate of psychological sciences, analyze the situation of tatiana , who, as we just found out, is envious. so what do you really want when you look at how successful your girlfriend is. what do you think? no? i want to find some of my own here this fishing rod of money money, not just money. if they give me 100.000 200.000 million there, this will not improve the situation. i just want to find a way how to set up this flow? yes, how to get it? how sell your services? how can you find someone who is capable? look for, and what you need to look for strength, and you spend your strength on what

you are experiencing, that you cannot find it right now, that it simply does not exist now. yes, why because you think that it should be right now. yes? this is something in all areas of life so in personal life. how are you? a? no, it’s not so far in all areas, but, but i just started working on it, probably for the last two or three years, for example, in sports it’s not so, that is, everything can’t be all at once and straightaway. yes, gradually, each workout with men is also not everything and not everything at once, either, that is, there you are, but the fact that the buzzword is tolerant, yes, accept this world and that’s how it is, gradual, yes, but to in this regard, in your personal life , you have everything here. you also compare your young people with your girlfriends yourself, but in some

situation no no, because i mean, not with each other in your young people or your young man with a young man. i compare more. relationship in some moments yes here uh man took care and filed in a fugue. he didn't give me a jacket. that is , it hurts you, it hurts you leave such a note to yourself. yes, i am frustrated somewhere. i get upset. what you are doing is expressing it. you are trying to talk to a young man, i am not trying to change him. and now i don't have a boyfriend. no. we recently broke up with my former boyfriend together for 11 years and 11 years. yes, we just grew up. well, yes, they grew up and just went in different directions, that is, in different directions, but i

i began to deepen my feelings. when i began to work with children. it turned out that when i take them, when i give them voice, but i voice the feeling, and everything goes. well, the correction is going much faster. so i, accordingly, began to develop it in myself. and my boyfriend is from the same system. in general, that, well, that, that in the villages, that feeling, well, no, places of life. there is no place to just always work work work and work. well, here, here, and so you began to be ashamed of him at some point, probably, yes, but we are together and never went to friends, that is, to which i simply did not go, because you always have to work. i celebrated all my birthdays when i was alone with my friends, that is, he did not go, because he did not have time to be ashamed of

tatyana and her friends. i don't know. once there was a case when i gathered the guys in order to introduce them. in general, we were going to go together with him, and he said, now to go out. i'm already talking gum, i'm not going. uh-huh, i won’t go and that’s it, but it’s impossible to force a person. these i went alone, of course i upset. that is, it is some kind of betrayal in some sense. yes, because i collected it is for this that i think, why? i didn't go? well, he talked about the fact that it's a total waste of time. and these were the guys who achieved, uh, success in business in various areas. but these were from a certain company and he said, what, well, what will i show them? well, that is, i went to communicate, and he was embarrassed, i felt such a feeling, myself

. he was shy now, perhaps because tatyana also broadcast some way consciously subconsciously verbally non-verbally. that's a successful success, right? maybe by successful i mean when they got together they were just like them they were just hanging out , i don't know, they were playing board games and computer games or they had a lot of talk about who achieved what, who went where like that grant received no, there were no such conversations. these were the guys and these were already adults, the guys. and we met them at the same master class. in general, they liked that i was just alive. we've been for a while were going to. sasha was in the army at that moment, and at some point we were going to play board games. i invited them, and they are there, the director of the bread factory, the leader

is enu, that is, they have already taken place. and they are not about showing some achievements. they are about life and them. that is, that i was talking about life, about playing, about somehow talking, laughing, that is, in this regard, i am so light and lively, and sasha well, here’s another one and it turns out that i couldn’t pull him into life, but he was able to close this the material world of our conversation here, so far at the moment, rendered here. yes, i endured that when it begins. this comparison needs to be grounded and returned. that's just to the goal we plans to move away from this children's magical thinking. uh-huh that's all the same, what the young man with whom you stayed with is filming now, i don’t know, but rather

yes, i don’t want it to end and end. the fact is that as soon as i try to put them on myself somehow . i begin the same situation, like this, when i compare myself with uh girlfriend and this usually happens when the goals are too ambitious. you see, the psyche works this way, i set myself such a goal. yes, i understand that i achieve it. in the short term , i can’t, and because of this i get upset and leave. down again. it’s as if i’m not even trying to put it on, not even a small one, because immediately my energy merges such an assumption, when do you get into this state? yes, that's what throws you home motivates this apathetic one. yes, you

blame yourself for it. do you have something like this. what am i i'm such a fool here. i'm lying. what am i, here , an expert, and, but i myself feel like this; you have this self-criticism. well, to be honest, i didn’t notice it right in this format. i rather go to bed and get very upset, and at some point i just fall asleep, because the energy drops right to zero and there are no such dialogues in my head. look after yourself, because there is. uh, here is the so -called two-story structure of negative emotions. yes, emotions itself and then discontent are emotions. here's to working with the emotion itself. it is necessary to remove dissatisfaction with her, then yes, yes, i envy. okay, i'm a living person, i have the right to envy if it goes well for you. i envy and scold myself for being envious. this really overloads the psyche and

the feeling is so bessist. a very interesting story. we will now discuss in more detail. and this is a podcast of the psyche, where i am journalist natalya loseva and clinical psychologist mikhail khors we analyze various complex configurations of our psychological problems. so what do you just need to allow yourself to envy praise yourself for it or how to allow yourself to accept? uh, even those u know, mental traits and personalities that are considered to be negative and unpleasant, for example, yes to accept them as the norm, actually? yes , because after all, our psyche is the world as a whole, it is generally multi-colored. and here is an attempt to assemble, as it were , a puzzle only from beautiful bright and interesting pieces, yes, and throw it away. there, all black gray colorless leads to the fact that the puzzle becomes full of holes. and now, as if through these

holes, all the power leaves us, on the contrary, when we begin to rely on all facets of our personality. here i am jealous. and here i am , on the contrary, i am happy for my friend. here. i, i probably scold myself for not being happy for my girlfriend. here, then, then, let 's stop scolding ourselves for the beginning that you are such a person right now , tell me aloud, please, i'm a person. i have the right not to be happy for my friend. i am a person, i have the right, and i have the right not to be happy for my girlfriend, right? you feel something now, but you even want to cry a little. and well, how is it? yes? she is my friend. that is, it's like a betrayal on my part, it turns out other people too. yes, i am human, and i have the right to betray other people. it means that i will do it, but you have the right. i

have the right. i just yes, of course, i would say that you have such an opportunity. you know, sometimes it happens. it turned out like this, if we gnaw at ourselves all our lives, we will not do better to anyone. therefore, what is happening now is what i will ask you. now this is called what to pronounce. what word is affirmation forgiveness forgiveness of oneself, yes, you know, in any book it says that you need to forgive yourself? yes, it is written in any. it's just not written how to do it. now i'm telling you how to forgive yourself, take a piece of paper, write the word forgiveness on it and add it in front of this word. the letter of simplification forgiveness - this is a simplification of the attitude towards oneself is an attitude. here

is not some complicated, far-fetched, not some requirements that we cannot translate into reality. yes and it 's simpler i'm a man i have no no they get some kind of jambs in life. i mean, i scold someone, sometimes i envy someone, i don’t love or betray someone. well, it happens, i'm a man and i simplify my attitude towards myself simpler. that's when we do it and life gets easier. and we have more strength, because we stop using them in self-hatred. but the word hate from which word comes to see, yes, not to see, that is, hatred. is it that i can't see myself or the other person? here it is. and i say, you shouldn't be like that. you have to be different, this is hatred, you know, and how else can you fight

envy, because after all, the worst feeling, because it can be white motivating and so that it motivates it is very important to answer the question. and why here why do you need money? and what is the glory of the impact of security way to adjust this flow of finances? why security? i understand that you have a danger, it is an internal financial cushion - it is always actually part of our sense of security, but a request for complete security. it is also an infantile world, generally a dangerous place. yes, and you will not get rid of this. will there be more money? will you be more afraid that this money will be taken from you? honestly. believe me, as a wealthy person.

may i ask a question with such utmost honesty, would you like the answer to be does this friend envy you now? it seems to me that then the relationship will collapse, because i compare myself with her and , accordingly, and i don’t want her, well, bad things and when she envy me. it will look exactly the same in my head, she will lie down and she will run out of energy and she will feel bad. i don’t want her to feel bad, because you are talking about her, she will emphasize differently. yes, healthy anger. yes well, therefore once again directly find the answer to a question. why do you need this stream? so far you don't have an answer to your question. you don't have formalized. this is the target motivation, you understand, you are now trying to run away, as if from some kind of pain, yes, i feel bad, and i

'm trying to escape from this pain somewhere, but it's better to run towards the goal. i saw a post from this same friend, she took a picture with her phone, and wrote. here's my new office for cash. i thought how good it is that i don’t need it, that is, these direct finances and this amount of money are financial things. this is not quite what i need here is the money. uh, i need some way to extract this money. a if it will be, and if it will be a wealthy man who will say, tribute, stay at home, please. here's your money, here's your resources, here's your resources, here's your opportunity, stay at home to give birth to children. i love you. herself. you don’t understand, i’m wondering what, uh, but it’s as if i didn’t become an adult then, that is, probably, i’m just looking for this. well,

how did an adult become an adult woman's wife, for example, a wealthy man is provided with housekeeping is a great achievement. it needs more of this man, it means to find and keep it all with a lot of work, a serious investment. it 's like i can't stand on my own feet. so we broke up as a young man, and he paid for the apartment, and he also paid for food. so i basically spent my money on education and invested in development. well , that's how it was. and now it turns out that the money that went i have for my development , i ah, i rent an apartment, but, perhaps this is an adult life. this is development. by the way , yes, yes. yes, the refrigerator will not fill itself, but i understand. well, i want at the same time me

need money. even honest i need money, what to whom why why do i need money, it's some kind of shame with my mother so they taught, probably, yes, that money wanting money is something like that. here, well, it’s not interesting, but money is evil, even money electricity is evil , you can say electricity can kill a person. can you warm up breakfast? yes, electricity is a tool, the same with money, gasoline for a car. you do not pray for gasoline. well , why didn’t i pray for money, that is, i say, as if they would give me money, so cool, it will simplify in some sense, out of life, well, it is determined for a certain period. uh, no one will give money. wait to pick up, you understand? but from this position, well, my money is not important. well i so here they are unimportant not money. but no, she changed her shoes five times in the air. let's be honest, the money

is needed as a flow. this is the main goal, then money is not important money. this is a general success. well, success is always money not always. well, it seems to me that somewhere here is what is needed. yes, that's envy, it seems to me in general, it is possible, but i i think envy is, you know, what kind of motivator it is, which turns on when all the others have burned out. she calls. i just have apathy, that's the whole problem. well, let's give you your opinion that if you envy someone, then you are bad use envy as a tool, go ahead. in general, envy in moderation, think about yourself and let all your motivations be positive. we hope that you will find this energy, but do our homework as well. yes and simpler, of course, to yourself and

sooner to yourself. it was a podcast of the psyche, where i am a journalist, natalya luseyeva, and my co-host clinical psychologist phd in psychology . mikhail ors sort out quite complex tasks here, but the problem is precisely this, here is a specific local, that is, i can’t say that i’m not successful, actually a little. who will win the car. well, you didn't even say so. you won a car, but it's the same. what, what is this? well, there was some, well, so-so. when i last won a car last week, i last year, your achievements are now you are in some kind of fact, this is called a crisis. don't try to jump out of it. allow yourself to get out of it gradually, yeah. this is such a professional personal now crisis. by the way, he is quite common among young people. just now, closer to 30-27-28 you start, what is still needed and

not needed early. well, it's only been 4 months. i still say i live, so it will figure it out. he is a young, pretty girl. everything will be fine with personal relationships it is important that here come out and let go out of the crisis, because it seems to me that you broke up. this also added a crisis to you here, so the opposite is the way out. well, it seems to me that this is a dead end that hmm crushed, well, yes, probably, both families were waiting. waiting to get married. yes , everything is already, it seems to me that they were not expecting anything. well, in 11 years, you can already save several times, it turns out. you had one single man in your entire life, yes, yes. this, of course, find yourself an older man something there 30 40 good interesting, not please listen to blockages, you know that you don’t

have to sell yourself, please, as a stratum, do you understand such a social one? why does he need a man under 40? why did she say 35-40 that's what it will be. i think you're just talking. i communicate a lot. i'm just very happy with the men. no, flirt flirt. what followed was interesting. that's what was on the face now, that's it, it's so personal. yes, this is myrtle for me to flirt with a young unmarried girl. oh god no nicolas. i 'll explain to you, just a flirt is let's put it this way sex. yes, firstly, why not hint? but don't let go, what, why cheat? and everything should be honest in your life. listen, there is nothing more interesting.