dad left me. what do you feel when you speak? well, by the way, it doesn't bother me that much. why do you think? i don't know, because half of your bitter and dramatic memories are related to what your mother told you. maybe you took on so much of her pain that her father left her because it was humiliating. it was a loss for her, as a woman, and not having coped with these feelings herself. she passed on some of those emotions to you. and when you say, dad left us, i was a little surprised by this phrase. i would understand if he they would say, my father left me, when i was two, i honestly left me, when i was 15 years old, my father left me, when i was a year old, but when an adult woman, she says, dad left

us. they didn’t even see it, that is, it turns out that they took part of their mother’s experiences onto themselves, not their own. well, yes, mom said that well, she told a lot, and she cried there. it was such conversations. not really, yes, and she had a serious problem. she lived in samarkand a abandoned woman with a child. this is a cultural problem. this emotional big problem, but it's not your problem. it should get easier. it turns out that then part of this dramatic and painful story leaves your life. yes , you need to digest a little more, of course. but i already know. where is it? which way to think

and about what? never need to have a happy childhood. to do this, you just need to go back there and understand that your childhood was conditionally normal . woman, but for some reason you have chosen for yourself the role of the daughter of an abandoned wife. dad left you your dad was not your dad for your mother. he was her husband and of course, the tragedy of an abandoned woman in samarkand is much higher. than the tragedy of a child whose father left. children grow up without fathers. and this is generally, in principle, he will reveal a secret in nature is normal. because men don't have the same instincts as women. at some

point in my life, i was offended. hard to ignore together, huh? and this, by the way, was transferred to my personal life, where i am offended too. i am also silent, i do not communicate with my husband. then i'm offended that he is silent. it's strange, really, how the relationship with my mother developed. you and your mother were together with samarkand, you lived together correctly, there

was no one else. no, it appeared at first we lived together. i decided there was laughter now. until the age of 14, we lived, but together, i tried to help my mother in every possible way in terms of the fact that she always worked, and i was responsible for the house for the household there. well, how is the economy there? well, we usually live in an apartment, but we lived there early, we started cutting salads there, there, then until cooking has arrived. and then he appeared, and the man in her life, he began to visit us. and i immediately did not like this man, but no one asked me, as it were, especially. about my feelings there, yes. well, at least there is no objection

. i was a stranger. in our apartment, he somehow interfered in your life. and how is it, maybe you, for example , slept in your bed, ate from your plate, like masha and the bear sat on your chair, it can obviously be assumed that he was visiting, uh, on your mother’s half. well, i so i ask, that is, he did not interfere in your life, did not educate you, did not try to teach life. no, there was no such thing. that is , you had a fairly distant relationship with your mother. you were there because you initially showed this distance and still know how.

i just understand that this is the border, right? and to be able to set the boundaries of an adult man of a 14-year-old girl is quite a serious step and an inner skill. which, in general, they forgot lol because now , it seems to me, i don’t have this nalk to say i'm at a loss with other people. so for some reason you don't use it. it's the same as riding a bike. if you have learned once, then we can come to this now. to the psychologist sergey, the psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya, and our guests lola said, we have a man. come on, my mother began to drink

heavily with him. and at that time i either ran out into the street, as it were. there were friends with other guys. well, this is not to say that friends were guys who were from the same yard and we were friends together. but for i’m a friend - you know, this is how i had an example, again from school there was a girl with whom i went to school and back with her, and there was an older sister and the second girl from our house had two sisters. i saw their relationship with each other, how they, yes , yes, how they communicate with each other, and i wanted to just take everything, no, well, i wanted a sister. yes, it's understandable. so maybe you , then, like that mammoth who is looking for a mother

, are looking for a sister or brother, and they are friends and comrades. now i'm not looking, but rather in the room i'm looking for a sister, well, my friend, i'm just limiting these incomprehensibly, it seems that you are merging with this concept, because you are looking. i tell you at your place, that is, you had friends. you talk to me friend and began to describe the sisterly relationship. that is, for me, a friend . this is a sister. that is, i am i that, uh, i somehow show the second person with my behavior that how this can manifest itself. here's my behavior so far. i just want to be seen. see that when i ask you, you tell, you say, and i was with other guys. i say, that is, friends, after all, they were. you say, no, this is not exactly what i would like, of course, it would be great to run away from home with my sister. well, there

was no sister. okay let's get back the relationship should be such a gap. there must be a lot of intimacy, but you ran away from home, what happened? well, i either left, yes, or i closed it in my room and it happened. so it didn't work out. for days at all from the room. bye. and there it could. start will continue will end because all at once they will learn and i did not want to see all this. and then it happened, so apparently, my mother fell in love very much. uh-huh, and went on a leash , which offered to sell our three-room

apartment and move in with him, but she sold it to a one-room apartment. the only thing we managed to do correctly was to register in this apartment. and so, when they ran out, well , they also continued to drink. naturally, and when the money ran out, and let's get wet in the face and said directly that i conditionally do not want to see you here in my apartment. i will get you out of here only physically. i won’t touch you, but i’ll destroy you morally, and he didn’t touch, because he knew that we could report to the police there, that is, again everything is in order about the border. you? if you have a person, you can physically touch, but at the same time you speak because he knew. you didn't say he didn't touch us physically, because he was a noble man of blue blood

, well-bred, educated, you said differently. it's just that he said it himself. it doesn't matter. what he said is important, how you describe it. that is, he did not touch you, you are still just one remarque that the borders are actually all right. in the end, he kicked you out. he already began to drink on his own without his mother, he severely insulted you with all sorts of words, and he directly insulted you and your mother or mother, so i tried to protect myself and my mother, and my mother always pulled me away, burned, keep quiet, there will be even more scandal. be quiet. and this is visibility. when i was already, when i was able

to leave on my own, i left, well, to moscow from him. mom stayed here with him, how did your life in moscow develop? well, first a year and it didn’t really get to the point that i had to spend the night on the street. and even this , well, as if it did not push me to the idea of ​​​​returning. here's an hour you remembered how you spent the night on the street there was something happening. we just spent the night on the street in the summer, in the winter somewhere in the entrance to the bunkhouse or right on the street, how long did it last. i was not alone. came with me, the same girl with the same

problem. she also had a lot. due to the fact that we have her house, what, i had such a situation, how would we never have the thought of returning or what? that is, you decide what will you survive? it just seemed to me at that moment that it was even better here than there at the entrance. it's better here than there, sochi mom with mom. and it looks like you did it. do you even understand vova that almost all success stories sound like this? read memoirs of successful people. i came to america with one dollar in my pocket. i came to moscow with a knapsack with things. i arrived there and spent the night on the street, and i arrived and worked. a-a, c- took out the garbage

from the restaurant, that is, almost any success story is a person who does not take prince. harry is there some one who was just waiting in the wings or an inheritance, but such a person who rose by himself on his own. each of them will have such a story. but for some reason you put this story in a box with a tragedy. but there is no tragedy. well, i mean, you can look at it however you like. i myself began to periodically think that my brain is conditionally used to the fact that i have to constantly suffer, my husband says why are you so negative. well, a negative person always sees the bad. it will not be very interesting to be friends with you if you are all time will be dramatic so describes your life. podcast triggers with you sergey is

a psychologist, psychotherapist and tatyana krasnovskaya, a family psychologist, and today we are talking about what triggers prevent her from being happy. let's see what you did. if we look, this is the angle of your life. you arrived in moscow and spent 2 weeks at the entrance. what is your overall result now? now, of course, it’s a sin to complain, everything is fine. husband has a job, an apartment, an apartment, right? well, fixed and my work is still such that i do not work for hire. a specialist who himself works through me like this. mom, died a long time ago already died

in the eleventh year. good thing they said, we are dead. but no, well, well, because your dad left with your mom, a man came with you and your mom, if you also told me that you and your mom died that day, i would be too surprised . i think so too. i even think that the previous two cases are too much. after all , how your mother died separately from you. but your daughter died. you are no longer daughter. probably, well, since there is no mother, it means that there is no daughter of the role of a role model daughter no, well, yes, with the death of every person in our life. well, a part of us is dying. yes, i didn't think about that. well, as you say, right? so i say so affirmatively, you agree, but if you have a simple question, and your father. i know why. now to the program, i'd say we've

found your father. and now he's coming, what then? time has passed, i guess what time has passed for being a daughter for needing, probably needing his. it seems to me, yes, maybe this is the problem, that when you build relationships with people. you say to them unconsciously non-verbally declare that be my friend. i will need you. does need breed friendship? it always seemed to me that i was not trying to impose myself, as it were. it ’s just the opposite for me and there is a process of being unobtrusive and after a while i ’m just there i stop communicating with a person. that is, even curiosity would not give you the opportunity to talk to your father now. well i don't

know this must be the situation. i tell you that your father is here and he will come to you now, that a man will be with you, but half of your blood is his blood. or suddenly make him close. it's your choice, yes, i understand, but just, if i'm presenting now. what, here he stands, for example, but he is a stranger to me, you understand, the fact is that you deny not only his paternity. you deny exactly half of yourself. maybe that's why you're called by the wrong name. what was your name, it's abbreviated you just exactly half and they cut me off. yes

, i understand this as a full name. it is hard to say. it's hard to say, it cuts a lot. rumor constantly to someone. well, no one but you can pronounce it. nobody knows him. what happens if you do? but at the same time, when you described friends to me in childhood, describing through the sisterly relationship of your girlfriends, you gave me reason to believe that you are looking for blood ties. and your loneliness lies precisely in the fact that you seem to be alone by blood. as if here

this hypothetical sister. this is the same half, this is the same half of the name , the same half of you, which then, because she is a blood relative, will be next to you. you are like a crescent in samarkand. you understand that one part of you is manifested, and the second is in the shadow. the question is what overshadows the second part? overshadows your grievances and your pain, which is not yours, you do not know the story. why did your father leave you? we don't know what kind of wife your mother was, we don't know what kind of relationship they had. we don't know what made you came into being. well, in the sense of guessing physiologically as a result of what? you do not know this whole story, but you take this whole story, and as if shift it to the dark side. that is, should i stop suffering to begin to pronounce the name, patronymic?

after all, i only recently thought that i accepted reconciled. but right now i can't. try to do this without resigning yourself, without accepting through this block that is inside. what is your name? it is unlikely that you will have the same hysteria in the mfc. come on, i don’t know why it’s like that here. because let's be honest. what's your name? horror

what happens if you do this? i can't even turn my tongue. i don't know why. imagine that you now see yourself at age 4 to your right. here look and imagine that there is a little girl of 4 years old. i'll ask you a simple question. but you will answer as soon as you hear the question. look at this girl, damn it. imagine remember with pigtails with bows or combed ones who have just woken up or maybe on the street. what is her name?

what does the name night mean some lotus like me. i understand it's beautiful. my name is zilola , you come across as funny, straight, but this is laughter through tears. i think i can. tell me what do you feel now? for the patronymic, and what does it make you?

what makes me, but if shame, then it means that you feel that something is wrong with you, having this patronymic. it's not that there's something wrong with me, that it's not sonorous. such as others like, for example, i don’t know there. no one here can speak the first time, right? and how would i sound in uzbek i know, i just don’t know the uzbek language, but wasn’t your father’s full name written in the documents, like well, it turns out

khairilo, then you get hari loza no , they began to use it a little later these are angles, but still inside everyday language it’s it sounded exactly like that. well, yes, that i am his daughter means daughter? if you think that it is somehow unsound. yes, indeed, it is not sonorous here. in this region in france , no one will ask you for your middle name at all. what matters is what happens inside of you. it just needs to stop cutting off that part of your personal history. it turns out well, as if suddenly, it will enter your life from the one that is already in your blood, your history. and

most importantly, it will allow you to change that very drama and separate your mother from your drama. because only when you become exactly the manifested individuality without stories. you will be able to build relationships openly; you will not need to hide anything from people. but first you need to allow yourself your patronymic. this is belonging to your family to your father. i will try it part of your identity and it is only through identity that individuality is born. and the next step is to stop suffering. well , i think that this will be a consequence. what, thank you very much.

unexpectedly, you entered my life, i remember dreams. and why why, i don’t know myself, i believed in your blue eyes and now i’ll tell you. you are alone in my destiny. you are my only destiny. honey, believe me, i can't.

why why and i don’t know myself, i believed your

blue eyes and now i’ll tell you. you are alone in my destiny, you are alone. hello dear friends with you valery syutkin group light jazz, and our podcast of the melody of my life today, our joint evening with you, was opened by kotov’s song why, why, of course, we won’t be able to answer all the questions that life puts before us, but if our today’s meeting is simple for someone will cheer you up or help in a

particular life situation. we will be very pleased. this is the one who knows how to play the accordion, but never does it says one of the rules of life another rule of life says that an intelligent person never she will say how she was a fool, she remained. he will tell the time at the bottom and not overbearing, but in fact, i believe that life has no rules. although there is something useful here from this section in various magazines or publications, uh, television programs. eh, something useful, i'll still remember. for example. look at this, cheap. fast good, remembered well fast cheap. these three things never come together. stop translating this life, and you will immediately

get better. in any case, many questions. well, you can answer for yourself. after i want to tell you that with age we all come out on the face. i remember long years ago in the october hall. m vasilievna lavrenovich is the permanent leader of this hall. told me the buffet. here valera look, you see , the first beauty of st. petersburg is walking in the past and seeing on my face that the reaction is not approving, because i noticed a lot of plastic interventions. she said, in-in, just over the years, her character came out on her face. so, here we all deserve them with age, that facial expression, which actually reflects our attitude to life, therefore, do not envy any unnecessary soul-searching, do not wish evil on anyone around you, and i assure you. you will look

much more important, by the way, the expression of our face is more important than the technique that we put on ourselves, so take a closer look at this, i remember such a wonderful one. north american history, when an elderly indian, the leader, says to his grandson, says, remember granddaughters, two wolves live in every person from birth. one wolf is kindness, compassion , peacefulness, and the second wolf. this is greed envy greed. and these two wolves all the time are in conflict with each other fighting for the championship granddaughters asks which wolf wins? the wolf that you feed best wins, so remember this, dear friendship friends. friendship i think it's a reflection. that's self-worth on

other people, so friendship needs to be looked after. i am very happy that there are few in my life, but those friends of the time-tested in all respects and in joy and in sorrow, because this is a very great happiness, by the way, happiness is happiness, this is not, of course, some kind of stop you know this is the way to travel, so it seems to me that happiness is yes, don’t let it, namely on but best of all. this is the meaning of the word happiness and conveyed, it seems to me, leo tolstoy , he said attention. you can even write this down somewhere for yourself, then you will use happiness, this pleasure without repentance. therefore, before enjoying life. think about whether your pleasure brings misfortune

to other people who are around you. and i assure you. this is very important, because now everyone is saying freedom of freedom. actually in fact, everyone wants all the permissibility, they are free, because there, because freedom is the voluntary very limitation, when a person’s inner center does not allow. well actually, it is in any religion. everything is very precisely formed commandments that must not be violated. it just seems to us that everything goes around in life and it seems to us that this is only politics. it's only power. we give some of their assessments require freedom that is to say, the permissibility of the state. paradise - it depends on us to build, and the state exists so that there is no hell. that's all

i think i wanted to tell you in this first part. uh, if you want to achieve something in life, start right with yourself and from this moment, because as theodore roosevelt very aptly said, if i'm not mistaken, do what you can with what you can, here and now and these were questions and answers. and now , let's say hello to muscovites and petersburgers. they say that there are some misunderstandings between them. here in front of you is a muscovite who is very fond of, appreciates and respects both the city itself and all the inhabitants of st. petersburg. moscow and whether you have become anything at all, probably.