but it’s like a complicated story, because it’s impossible to get away from him just like that, that is , he clings to himself like claws and just , well, doesn’t give a way out, so i had to ask the girls. uh, so that they are with me, well, either they put me in a taxi, or we went down to the subway together and drove, but again, hmm, this is not the way out, because he again followed us. and that is, i simply could not do some nasty things to you, i don’t know, some kind of usual story. if there is no prior history, let's let's hear it. yes, we are talking specifically about persecution. here is the last incident that happened in december. i asked my friend to meet me after the game near the subway with a new, young man, they found me. no , this is my friend, just a friend, and, as it were, well, they know, uh,

they periodically invite me to the games so that he meets me so that i can safely leave the es of the competition. and , accordingly, when he saw him, that he once again came to meet me after the competition, and he attacked him. they had a young man. yes, my young man friend jumped on him. they had a fight. and it's good that, well, men were passing by. in short, they pulled them apart. yes, and, as it were, i immediately called the police , the police arrived and we went to the station to write another statement. that's why once again the statement, huh? well, as if here , uh, a slightly more serious situation, that is , beating a person - it is possible that even an article. but how, well, everything is in order, how if everyone would stay alive, that is, a couple of scratches , bruises, as if, well, how would it all be, how would it end.

but the fact itself, and before that i had already written a statement to the police more than five times, and about the fact that he comes , well, to my apartment and covers up my front door, because of this, a-a with epoxy glue. uh, there liquid nails. so you can’t key, then i can’t put it at all. i mean, uh, i've had to do it many times already. yes, let's put aside today's history and try to go back a little. i heard correctly that you lived with this young man for five years and all these 5 years. i understand that this violence continued periodically. yes, it was like such flashes, that is, for some period of time. he took himself well. but, probably, due to the fact that we lived on my territory, as if my but this happened only in the house or he could allow himself on the street to somehow expose you. oh no, a normal person. uh, that is, this was not the case with people. yes, well, it’s publicly for me, yes

, you told me to our editors, so that the case in the crimea when you have a volog, yes? yes. tell me and my niece it turns out 2 years ago, just this happened immediately after our parting, literally, probably, a month. and we went to rest. and, accordingly, he was able to track me down, because i myself am a fool. i left my mail. well, in his phone, that is, as if he had pop-ups, pop-up windows. here the notification came that what kind of operations were doing something there and it turned out that he found out that i was booking a hotel in the crimea, and he arrived there. yes, he came there and since well i play different volleyball there. and

everything for me. well, i mean, it's. it's my life. uh, how would the guys and i be there with the company. uh, who's playing? just, uh, hanging out on the beach playing ball. well, he just came to us without asking. for me. it was a shock, because , well, i didn’t know what, in principle, could happen. and he, well, starts, like, let's go play. i say i don't want to play. he takes his phone, throws his phone at me, says. come grab my hand. well, it starts to drag. i just this is happening in front of everyone. it's all happening in plain sight. once again we will put aside the situation that after parting, uh , before i a hand you over, so to speak, the gentle psychological hands of michael tell me, please. this went on. here is your wicked life of

bullying with violence for five years. why didn't we leave earlier yes, i understand that this looks very absurd. well , because like any healthy person in any conflict situation. can easily take leave. if he doesn’t like something, but here lies another very serious problem. and my personal character. ah. maybe i would like to talk about it too. it's that i had a sick mother. uh, the fact is that i am a late child in the family, and my mother was 40, when i was born, my father was 50 and you understand, that is, a hard life, perestroika there in the nineties, that is, uh, she did not spare herself three children. and, of course, that is, by the age of 60, she no longer had health. practically a and left. that's how it is that

the last 10 years of life. a. well, i practically dedicated to her because, well, he was my favorite dear person in my life. well, i wanted the best for him and i wanted her to be healthy , to cope with problems a little, yes, so that she could live a little in pleasure, but, as it were, health, it is what it is and turns out at 60 years old. she had her first stroke. here she was heavy in intensive care, and she was barely pumped out. ah, she was paralyzed on the right side, that is, she literally ended up in your arms. she was in my arms. and uh, this is not the most difficult problem there,

because i more or less cured her. everything was fine, all the problems started when she was diagnosed 3 years later. uh, diabetes. uh, it was a real sentence, because, and after that it fell down, that is, and you could not do anything, you tried, nothing works. hmm yes, it was a very difficult period, because i had scandals in hospitals in a showdown in hospitals. e could not write out normal treatment spent for my mother for my mother's life. yes and she ended up in the hospital. well, so that you understand with a frequency of once every four months you lost, in the end. ah. i lost at that moment. uh, when she once again, that is, he had two heart attacks. and after the second heart attack, the doctor tells me that there is nothing we can

do. uh, her heart is only working at 18%, i mean, a pacemaker or a bypass will no longer help, that is, only a heart transplant, like, well, a person, uh , diagnosed with a sugar stroke and past heart attacks, like, that is, uh, sami you understand, he, well, this operation, as if she would not have endured. mom is dying. and, well, in the end, yes , she dies and it turns out. eh, these are three years. but when we just got acquainted with my civilian, they fell out with this husband, here they were at the peak of the difficult period. e, when my mother was very sick, and i needed psychological support, because , well, i couldn’t cope on my own, it seemed to you that he was the person who could become your

support to support you, as if in part i was looking for him, but not just like a man. yes since to whom well, a friend, well, and, as it were, support, yes , you didn’t have much time to look for, but the opportunity to choose with your psyche. my name is natalya loseva, a journalist. there, the leading candidate of psychological sciences, mikhail khors, and our today's guest oksana, a beautiful girl who lived under the rule of a tyrant for five years and still has not completely got rid of him, i still have a question, but i felt that very help and support from him these years. he gave you something, but a part. yes, i felt that as if he was not indifferent. uh, as if my mother's health took her to the hospital for discharge, well, as if with money, that is, he worked, brought his salary at that time.

well, i haven't been working lately. here, therefore, as it were, i can’t say that he is purely dependent there on mine. yes, there he lived in my apartment and on his laurels such happiness flashes, then it already began, and these flashes actually began, about four months later, as we began to live. and you somehow discussed these outbreaks with him. let's talk about this tell how it hurts you to tell that he is terrible to experience these outbreaks. he thought i was to blame for all of, uh, those situations. you talked to him, you told how hurt and scared you were. of course, well, at least i tried to listen to it, but he listened, but again, i can catch on word for word translate into new scandals and showdowns yes, where i would be extremely guilty in all the showdowns. there were such stormy

moments with assault and throwing things when he was going there , walking around the apartment, and taking shape suitcase, i say, i'm leaving. and you were crying in this situation uh-huh stay. no, i didn't ask to stay. i'm just a little sober, as if looking at these things, that is, not from the position of a victim. well, how would hmm me your own, well , it’s kind of difficult, because and in such situations it’s funny to me, that is, two adults who live together share the life of life, and they come up with a wet. well, just from scratch some simply fantastic stories. yes, and at the same time they can’t agree, but it’s funny to me personally, it’s clear that, and i couldn’t handle it. well, with the violence of his desire to hurt me, but to humiliate me, and so on , because, well, i’m by nature a very kind person and you never respond in

kind to all his attempts, but how to cause not suffering only accepted, that is, this is the only thing that oksana did correctly. it seems to me that this is a very wise position or it has accelerated the situation. this is the reaction i'm soft, kind, accepting. it's good, if a person has variability. if at some point he can be tough strong and even aggressive variability or her. if a person, in principle, has the right to answer both hard and soft, and he chooses. that 's great, but when a person does not have the opportunity to answer hard, then such a person is called not kind and soft, but helpless. well , the victim, yes, in this situation, here is kindness and gentleness, they are kindness and gentleness when we have the opportunity to answer and as

the proverb good should be with fists. i do not like the word good, but that's what it's about. and what was he supposed to move in response to when he she swung at her and there would be no phone here, but you can understand, but it seems to me that oksana has such a scenario of events of such a scenario, in principle, i can calmly, right? shine, if you could, would come up and answer. and so maybe physically she can do it, most likely on this traditional family values ​​upbringing with a good family woman we have. well, maybe it was in the family never votki, yes , call this upbringing good when a child is not given. e parenting don't lay right to defend yourself, including with fists, i would not call this upbringing, than family

relationships, the person with whom you associate some may be a person who does not beat you, you understand, but if he beats you. that can be the answer closest to you. it's you , and we've been forgetting about it for the rest of our lives. tell me, please, oksana a. this is the first man in your life who, in one form or another, used violence against you, not necessarily physical. yes, the coach never allowed himself to somehow press you. dad, well, only psychologically, as it were, this is the norm for the sport of education. yes, athlete coaches, of course, are a different story. it seems to me that they do not know how to motivate in any other way, except for humiliation. yes, or maybe, so this is oksana's lifeline of her young man, uh, tyrant and rapist. she somehow could have been provoked by her previous experience with

the coach, because really the coach. moreover, there are no women's teams yet, history. no. it's a completely different story here. here is the story of not being ready for such an event in own life. she was ready that the scoundrels of the wounds would come, especially since it came in straws, right? o helped with mommy oksana and still has an opinion. but what if you live with a person, then this is the closest person, of course, yes, this is not of course. look, you have already got into a life situation, when you live with a person, and he bludgeons you there, insults you naked under the covers together. yes, one more time. it's not a sign of closeness. this is not a sign of closeness, you understand, but there are other facts, these are people who are close. they agree wrong man if she doesn't trust him women are different, but there are women with different social responsibilities. they can let unrelated men in bed,

wait, wait for a psychologist. give the psychologist the same word to say like this again, but it is important to be an adult in life. did you have any family attitudes from your parental family, right? that the family is sacred, that if you live, then hmm we blow off the dust particles, it seems like mom and dad behaved, but in real life you encountered a different behavior. uh-huh and continued to treat the old way, uh scenario. see, here's the problem. the problem is that you were not ready to change your attitude towards the world and the realities that you faced. yes, for me personally it turned out. it's easier to change partners. yes, that's just fine. she will, only in 5 years. yes, one more time. ah, in principle, yes, sometimes such people are completely corrected by hitting a frying pan on the head, and they cease to coexist with a statement. maybe so,

but, and again. and so, too, i can talk about a frying pan, as it were, yes, well, there is something also a factor of aggression, for example, because she was brought up again. e in the opinion of what to be aggressive? it can be bad just with the word yes, two types of people who behave aggressively with these outbursts means, and these can be normal people. uh, mentally healthy, who do not have the skill of self-regulation, they have irritation somewhere, accumulates, accumulates , accumulates, the cap splashes out. yes, and there are people who are called psychopaths. so it's their uh, just a characteristic of personality, violence, and the second characteristic of their personality is narcissism when they are there they love themselves very, very much and the third characteristic is, uh, the rapture of power over another person and unwillingness. here, uh , to rule and the unwillingness of this person is psychopathy a little bit of psychopathy. in each of

us there is not the norm, when a person needs these outbursts of aggression does not work. you see, then he is most likely a psychopath. that is. if he was told once that i was in pain, the second time they said that i felt bad. i'm scared. it's hard for me when you act like this. and he does not correct his behavior , does not try, does not drink. tablets do not go to psychologist, or somehow there something does not do. yes, then, most likely, he is a psychopath who will behave like this. here's to our viewers. this is a clear answer. how to distinguish yes , it’s really there your loved one has something accumulated, yes, and it flared up, or is it just a psychopathic lingering. i have two questions. how to understand? whether it is possible to work with this person also the second is. you understand that it is useless to work, how to remove him from your life, firstly, how to talk to them. yes? here is to talk. there are two positions, the so-called position, and you

are the position of people very often, but when they do wrong, you choose the position when they say you are misbehaving. you're not good. you are sick. you're a fool. yes, you're bad aggressive it's you position. and in such a position, well, we only inflame the conflict, and e make it even more, i’m the position that is exactly the one that i said when you behave like that without judgment. it's just that when you act like that , it really hurts me badly. i am your loved one, please, and now, if you said once in position, the third well, the fifth. a person does not correct his behavior, at least to some extent. yes, at least it does not show any dynamics, most likely, this is a psychopathic personality, which must be beaten from. he can also enjoy. just this. yes, she says, it’s hard and painful for me, and he begins to get such a shameful quiet pleasure from his

psychopath from his long-range operation. and definitely psychopaths do not experience shameful conscience pleasure. i don't think so. he would have prepared these scandals so subtly. well, that is, using different means. yes, then what am i saying, throwing, there is a phone. he was even more than he nailed the phone to the wall, nailed his phone to the wall. well, that would be manipulation. see how to what? you brought me and yes i wanted to thereby show that you are controlled. victimizing through guilt is a classic. what was the last straw? that's when you finally decided that you would run away from him. and, well , the last straw was probably the fact that i felt that we survived our relationship. that's how i would, well, that is, kind he

etched. you just felt it. yes, there is nothing more warm for you to him. well, yes, the fact that there is nothing warm. yes, it’s already like she’s already accumulated a computer in me, so to speak, mama has finished maturely. yes, after the death of my mother, it turns out 2 years, almost 2 years have passed since the death of my mother. and like, yes. the first year is very, very hard. i had to psychologically survive the loss, as it were , of a loved one, and in the second year i, well, as if i felt all some kind of resource resource in order to change this situation. and uh, how the most impetus would have been the fact that we somehow went to eat without izmailovsky park, stuffed ourselves and well, i look at me in short, um, i didn’t catch sowing on the phone. i say, like, you can give me your phone, my network does not catch. i want to see. well, where

are we? well, to somehow get away from a simple innocent, and he gives his phone. well i take a quick look at where we are and catch a glimpse. in the meantime, he was smoking, i think. well, yes, i got into his whatsapp to read who he communicates with, only curiosity leads people. and no i i don’t feel that how i would have done it, that they did everything right, that they found it, my conscience does not torment me. well, as it were, i just had a desire to make ours, as it were, and the fact that he took away the correspondence of a girl with girls. yes, there are kissing hearts. good night sweet, dear, when we see each other again, well, in general , everything in this context, god actually sent this situation and you don’t reproach yourself. crawl your correspondence. let the audience in white coats forgive me absolutely deserved in this situation. michael agrees. well she needs

it was to understand, and it gave you the strength to pack up and just leave, as it happened. it was a planned operation, because before that i had already tried to escape from him, but it ended in an extremely terrible and negative way. there was a situation where my things were stolen. uh, there i called the police and wrote a statement again. this is a very complicated story. if i tell you how, that is, this attempt was not the first. yes, more or less successfully proof that we agreed again, so to speak. and here, and the second how escape i already planned in advance, that is, uh, i'm renting an apartment, here. thank god in advance at that moment at the moment when i was planning to leave him, and we lived in a rented apartment, then due to the fact that the previous apartments. i sold and transferred to

another project, and for some time he was forced to live in a rented apartment. and it was like dividing these expenses in half. he was financially dependent on you, well, in terms of housing. i think yes, and at this moment you are leaving the apartment that you rented together and move to another rented apartment. yes, i rented an apartment in advance and found a driver who will transport me all my things. and here he once again went to work there, and i just collect all my things in a few hours. eh, i'm loading. it's all a car and i'm leaving. apartments, well, at the same time, well, of course, without informing about anything. and what time did he appear, and he came home at about 7:00 in the evening and, accordingly, well, he arrived at an empty apartment, and he immediately began to call. eh,

i didn’t move at all for a month, probably a month and a half. that is, as if subsided, so to speak, no competition. neither there, nor training, something else, that is, i screwed everything up. and i just waited for the time, i think, well, now, uh, a month or two will pass there. he will calm him down a little, respectively, blocked everywhere. but as time has shown , he has been chasing you for 2 years, yes, michael , look de facto. resolve this situation. it is possible only by some psychological methods. let's try to help oksana build a strategy, what does she need to do to advise him off? what to do? it's useless here, everything is clear. try to run away from them. ask other people for help, yes, so the only question here is how oksana can withstand, and all this

work. and this is work. this is work, if a person became a victim, this is how a psychopathic personality turned out, then it’s directly important to lay time for yourself so that from these relationships, which on the other side do not, uh, uh, don’t cut off, it’s important to get out of them, it’s terribly unfair that she should stand. i do not know, in my opinion, if a person climbs, a psychopathic relationship with psychopath. yes, it is fair that it will be hard and painful for him later. now look at tactics such as dragging this episode on the beach somewhere before you in the literal sense, what should you do? shout help save kill. here's what you don't have to do. you see, our children are not taught to scream. do you understand? the first recommendation is again

to parents. please. take the child to the forest and fight with him in the throat together so that he has internal permission for these cries for help, you understand, yes, this is important. this is the first. yes, that is, that's all, even, if they don’t beat you and don’t drag you, he still screams. saves no one will judge. shout who's watching you. she is like a fool, someone is crazy, well, everyone is watching the police department, please, in the head to the people in the police department , you are treated as a person who brought them difficulties. yes, that's why they're trying to get you. they just write a subscription. but this is also a difficulty , it also sends me difficulties, sometimes and so on, so no, and don’t get into people’s heads in the first place, but many people will sympathize with you, like help. yes someone pass by someone will think a fool. well, let him think, you think about yourself, and not about

what i think of you. see what your uncle says about you, right? well, that means, well, they are clear how you simply can’t get into this situation. one of the first steps is not to force a man towards you. you don't have to put a man in here. all if a man wants to hook up with you. this is already such a wake-up call in the modern world, you know, it happens in every way, but in the modern world, the financial situation has its own financial situation, and then maybe, a brilliant scientist who, in 5 years, but it will take far lower uh 20.000 for an apartment. he can find here, let him come, he says, you have an apartment there, i understand that the rent costs 40, i give these 20. we both live. yes, this is normal man, in fact, there are normal men with fantasy. look there, she says everything is fine, says fantasy. it turns out that her wife has a sharp picture

of a normal system. i don’t know what is injured in the share across. yes, oksana was undoubtedly injured to some extent , these injuries can be filled. but understand trauma. a we inflict ourselves with an assessment of all this. hmm , for example, somehow natalya is horror hell. yes, when we ourselves get used to these assessments, they injure us, but in fact you got into a statistically different situation in ordinary life in such situations 1 2 3, 4 5, 26 27 30 40. among your acquaintances, for sure, there is a similar one here, so it’s calmer for the assessment, then you will be less nervous. uh-huh you will have more strength to fight for your future strength goes away from you when you worry, and you worry when you read that this is some kind of difficult the last question that i will ask you michael is what oksana's reactions can encourage him

to continue the persecution. and how to behave correctly so that, on the contrary , his interest fades away in order to understand it was just a question from the point of view that he is a normal person. he has already shown by these persecutions that there is psychopathy. that outweighs in his personality. you see, therefore, no , just fight for yourself. do what you do and don't expect him to leave you behind, right after a year or two three. now, when it falls behind, then it will fall behind , you understand, all of you were his victims. yes, he reveled in power over you, and then you once again took away his housing. and also this power and the opportunity to revel in the opportunity to command you there to speak to you. what to do. yes, more, i guess. you said there, i have some beautiful wonderful best in the world and that's it. you took it from him and you want him to take you so easily let go of a normally healthy person will let go. well, i agree to some kind of dependent relationship, of course, after our parting. and his

life. uh, it definitely didn’t turn for the better, because well, in our situation , it’s like a public property, and and things are like a volleyball world, well, many of my relatives are relatives in penza, that is, they are all aware of this situation. and, uh, as if everyone knows each other, communicate and , accordingly, led to the fact that they began to look at him as, uh, a person with mental problems, because yes, and because of this. well, as far as i was given. he doesn't play volleyball now. he left, he was forced to lead such a hermit's life, as if let him be healed away, then, well, you are to blame anyway, you understand, yes, your real man is to blame. i think it's very, very, very close. you just need to pull yourself out here. yes, it's still amazing. here, in relation to this situation, i will say to similar ones. that's what

parents give us, uh, give us an idea of ​​the world flower field, we go walking the scents of flowers. it can be, but sometimes you walk along the color of the exact field and get into a cow cake. here, well, sometimes it comes, it gets dirty, it stinks. come on, now admit that it stinks, it’s that this stench, it will be easy with you in life for some time, because you got into trouble. and what is the name of this young man of yours. well, just them. tell andrew know that come to us with michael here let's maybe we will help you and you will live a good new life. yes please, it was a psychic clue. my name is natalya loseva, a journalist, and my co-host clinical psychologist, the great and bright mikhail khors, is our wonderful guest oksana thank you. you cannot

imagine your life without singing, you sing always and everywhere and think that you could sing no worse than pop stars. fill out the application form for participation in the new project of the first channel we are waiting for nuggets with bright vocal abilities, held in various professions and for whom singing is a hobby, not a job. hello, i'm pilot cosmonaut anton shkapper is a podcast of space history, away. today i have vyacheslav avdeev, a

scientist physicist, an employee of the ostrokosmos center. yes, at the russian academy of sciences , a very big popularizer of astronomy , so today, of course, we will talk about space from the point of view of astronomy and astrophysics. yes, the first question i have. please. tell us what are you doing? what is your work my scientific field is the study of space masers. do we have such a word that it is possible? yes? we are good. we have lasers, everyone knows that well , you can roughly imagine a laser, it turns out that if this laser shines not in visible light, but in the radio range, then he is called, yes michael, that is, mather, and there are very natural sources in space. here is such a radio laser, that is, laser radiation. these are the areas where stars are born , young stars, when they are born , conditions arise that they begin to shine them with radio lasers or, on the contrary, very old stars, when a star with a giant is a supergiant. she

sheds the shell and begins to shine too. well, the third option is the neighborhood of supermassive black holes in the cores of other galaxies. and these same masers - they interesting not only because here is a strange thing glowing, you have to look. what is it? why and because we understand it by examining it. what kind of conditions are there near black holes in shells, dying stars. we can restore them and understand what is happening there, something in the laboratory is difficult to obtain in places, because the density is too low. there are many other problems there. and here is the cosmos for you. naturally, the laboratory. watch it happen montana watch it, like, uh, radio telescopes because it's microwave radiation, that is, radio, so we need radio telescopes. or even more likely, ground-based networks of radio telescopes, because now you will not surprise anyone alone in radio telescoping. now all the telescopes are combined, all these one, let's say it is on one continent, another project is not on the other. well, this is in principle, here is the idea to combine telescopes into a network, by the way, was proposed by three soviet scientists matvienko kartashova