the junction of the culture of art is something that did not exist before. well, that sounds really ambitious. this is true, but as they say, not putting everything will lead, but it’s very interesting and really , according to statistics, people now play games more than go to the movies, for example, they already happened here, the pandemic helped us. let's be honest 19.6% of the point for the pandemic is not seasoned, growth, anthem. virgo is the twentieth year, usually we are there, well, 8% per year we are growing here almost 20 at once. naturally, all investors were eager to give money for games. naturally, and this is gost investors and private investors and funds, all in russia, such a number of investment funds have appeared that i have never seen exactly at the end of this twentieth year. well, okay. these are the growth rates. i would like to invest in it . why will it bring us for gamers the usual developer leaders, even more vacancies more products, someone will fail. yes, this is a fact. it's

okay, but suddenly there will be cool titles. i would like to believe in the best. i believe in our geniuses too. that's even against the backdrop of esports a lot since it was like this, we have the genius of esports alive you, scum. repeat again, please, russia has always been rich in talent. and uh. task in my understanding of the state. just help with this talent. you know how they joked in the soviet union. help talent mediocrity. here is the same story. eh, yes already here is the direction. know how we'll make friends. i propose to slow down at this point today, so that it would be more interesting topics in the next issue to find out what is in russia now with video games, what awaits us in the twenty-third year and in general talk in more detail how i will make money on computer share with us friends. is this a podcast pc or console? my name is ilya sang. katsky esportsman and

my friends dmitry president of the russian esports federation konstantin game producer game developer teacher of the higher school of economics put likes everywhere on the tv like button and than put see you very soon. good afternoon. this is a podcast triggers, and i'm a practicing psychologist, psychotherapist, sergey , tatyana came to me today and we together with her we will look for and investigate the triggers that interfere. in my opinion, live freely calmly and happily. hello tatyana. i'm worried

it's very difficult for me to talk about myself, that is, i talk a lot, namely, to talk to people. it's complicated. that is, you know how to talk with people, about anything, but not about yourself, or, for example, talk about what i don’t like about them, in relation to their behavior towards me, talk about their emotions about what i feel, and their actions and the most most importantly, tell me the request that you would like to work today. ah, the request with which i came is weight loss, that is, for several years. i'm trying to lose weight, but everything is moving in circles, so when i count calories, i keep my diary. i'm losing weight 5 years ago, my weight was 64 kg. now he is

also 64 kg. at the same time, i am actively involved in sports. i run marathons all the time i have training. but as soon as the stress uh-huh yes , even when the joy and i seize me enough for a month. i’ll stay in myself for a month and count everything. she threw off the weight in the reflection in the mirror. i can see this perfectly, and i like the changes that occur when i follow my diet, something happened, i started eating at night in the evening and everything returned. besides. and when you eat at night and in the evening, how do you treat yourself. this little one. then i start to reproach myself, because when i eat a lot, i myself feel uncomfortable, physically, yes , physically, physically uncomfortable, you fall asleep worse, but at

the same time, i also like to eat during tv shows and you start to seize. then you take control week two it passes, you pull yourself together and start again. now your weight is 64 kg. what is the minimum weight that you reach 55 was 55. how much did you weigh when you were 18? i don’t remember this, 17 18 here is the weight, when you were girls, even more yes, yes more, that is, i sort of threw it off. uh, it happened there, and my sister said that well, as it were, stop sitting on the couch already, take care of yourself. i started to lose weight and came to a weight of 64 kg. it was somewhere in the second third year. ah, institute and then running came into my life. wow and just

just the age of 19. no, no, he came somewhere, probably at the age of 5, if i run somewhere 24 years old was gone. i began to systematically go in for sports on a regular basis and my weight stood up, as if now, uh, sports help. i should keep it at the same level, but not lose weight. but at the same time, with everything up to 55 kg. you lost weight, in these 5 years. yes , you run marathons. i was 60 km in the mountains. that is, and even, for example, you will run an ultra distance or the same marathon and this one. well, you can do everything now, even if you thought you threw something off like that, well, well done. you're running, uh, professionally. you improve your time so, well, i mean, i'm an amateur, i get it. uh, average in terms of results, well, i want

to improve my time, what is your time goal, for example, there, i don’t know such goals in a half marathon or a marathon. i don’t have a goal anymore. right now yes it's a run to the ring around, which i'm getting ready for. this is my main goal, which is, 18, in my opinion, yes, more, 130, and not yet, there is registration nothing, i just want it, because i love being there. i want to see. eh, just all sides. yes, this is a climbing ring, as far as i remember, of course, pride. here is mine. if we talk about sports goals, this is the main topic. to do this, i need to lose weight because i can run faster if i lose weight. and clearly , i really saw how my weight affects exactly the sports component this year we ran in altai and the weather conditions. i did not have time to reach the desired point and i had to

make the first decision to retire turn around and leave. it was insanely hard. but i didn’t have time, if i understand perfectly well that if there were a minus of four or five kilograms there, then i could run faster, at least you think so, i think so, yes, here, but maybe then. well, i have more chances to pass some cutoffs and so on. that is, it will be more of an opportunity anyway, that now i am carrying this weight with me, if i suggested that you recover to 85 kg, what would you do. for me to do. i do not want it. i know you don't want to. and although someone is inside you wants to be complete. eat uncontrollably, so that sweet eclair buns, straight breakfast or lunch would be dinner. well, yes, if my goal was to correct. and and i would stop playing

sports, well, i was just excluded and lay on the couch and that's it. uh-huh let's imagine that you live like this. here imagine that you have been living for some time in such a way that in general you eat sweets for a whole day without exercising or living on the couch, here is just a picture of this imagine and tell me how you feel in a relationship this man. i'm uncomfortable, well, i was afraid of this, because now the sport brings my life emotions, joy, lay at home, then i would not have had the opportunity. i don’t know how to run in the mountains there, then i completely decide to eat this one. uh, to the training camp with friends, and it's good to see you there. and

then i have a question about how i spent my vacation, because now i'm in some five-star hotel and i'm eating sweets. i'm scared, i don't want it anymore. and what is it that scares you there, huh? that i won't see the life i what i will be difficult to answer, but if you do not have friends, you do not have the opportunity and reason to communicate with them, you are sitting at home. then why? well, then it makes sense to live if you just lie on the couch, eat, everyone laughs. well, yes, how would it be possible to immediately go to die, and that's all then, apparently, death alone and we'll talk. it's hard to be

alone, you don't feel support from people, and here i was afraid of the fact that it's not clear, how would there be. what are the distances at the start. yes, that's what i'm preparing. and i was afraid that i would have to go there alone, and not with team. i understand that i can do it myself, but i need external support, and people love only slender, thin and athletic ones. no , why can't a weight of 85 kg ride with him? well, what will i do there? well, i don't know, so i 'm going with my friends. coming soon to the ski marathon. although i ski like cows on ice. and you are not 100 kg. i am surrounded by people

im with me. interesting, i'm interested in them too. don't want. that is, it still scares me, if i weigh 85 kg, i will definitely trail at the end and, well, how would it be then me and wait longer will be all. i don’t want to , or in general they will think, they will, as it were, understandably wait a long time, respectively, they will leave. this. i am also afraid that no one will meet me, of course, no one will meet me, no one will see me off, what do you feel when you say these words that no one will meet me, no one will see me off. no, everything shrinks inside, where a is in the region of the heart. uh-huh try now to be vkontakte just with this feeling. yeah, and tell me what kind of feelings arise there, and in the area of ​​\u200b\u200byour heart. feelings i don't know what to put into words. i

feel contractions feel goosebumps. they feel very uncomfortable, well, this is an assessment, most likely, yes, a feeling. come on, try to describe it to me, for example , in some physical terms. is it a cold feeling or hot. hot hot is it static or is it dynamic is it expanding or contracting or is it pulsing contracting? compression and ripple is good. if you now allow yourself to give free rein to this feeling, what will happen i will scream scream. it goes away and it's like something opens up inside

of me. and it gets easier and easier, then i i can say that when this feeling arises, this sensation arises, you stop breathing. you seem to announce your breath. how do you think, when could you first encounter this feeling, when no one is waiting for you with this feeling of cold, squeezing your chest. don't try to remember in your head. be your feelings. i can't tell you when, when you were 20, this feeling was already familiar to you as a student. well, when you were 15, this feeling was familiar to you no. i don't know either.

the students were 15 years old. why do not you remember? it was an excellent student, a gold medalist , and so on, a good, straight girl, but when she came to the institute. there there i did not get better. well, as if there were much those who studied better and better, who had some kind of cultural life. that's where i cringed. because you ended up in a space of people who turned out to be better than you. all my life in school. i was better. i was the star there. always give examples. but tanya is better at learning

this. but it was when you turned out to be not the best, that you felt how people began to approach you relate. people have not changed their attitude towards me, then what scared you so much. that i can't be the best? this is what scared me. there is no need, well, after all, this turned out to be a very important motive for you. to show everyone how good, good, smart, purposeful i am. and being like that is very important now, no, why was it important then? don't know. i was afraid that if i didn’t, then no one would communicate with me. i understand that

these compromises were communicated in order for them to communicate with you. as a result, it turned into something that is difficult for you to speak. with people, and you find it difficult to tell people when they treat you badly. what do you feel now when i speak? about what? what you are saying is the truth. and now my hands are shaking. i feel. i have a feeling that, well, no matter how much i want to continue living like this. that is, it turns out that anxiety, that you will not cope with it, and so it will listen. yes, i can’t handle it and we will be diagnosed.

now you will leave here with this conditional illness and nothing will ever change. i don't i want so. i know what you want. i'm talking anxiety, right? how would you like it to be? so that i don't try to be the best. i did not analyze the actions of people, probably not this. i want. and i want to learn how to communicate with people. that's what i want to ask them to ask them questions to speak. no, i don't like that. yes, i'm so uncomfortable, don't do this to me, i want this, but you are afraid that if you start talking to them about this, they will stop communicating with you altogether, and then again the same loneliness and this aching feeling of the chest . a here you are afraid to be alone and i drew

you a rather terrible picture, which in fact has been present in your head for a long time. and where do you sit on the couch there plump and eat these eclair buns. i didn’t just ask how you would achieve this goal, because in your head there is , of course, a goal, but to keep yourself in good shape to play sports, but at the same time, the dichotomous goal to get better also exists and you are able to control it for now in weight 65 kg. uh-huh but when you start to lose weight, there also something happens to you when you are 55 kg and it seems, how do you like it, how do you feel? you like the results of your run, but there is a breakdown. so there is some kind of conflict. and it seems to me possible that this conflict i have such a fantasy that this conflict, just the same with the very people, for the sake of whom you lose weight up to 55 kg, and then say yes , fuck you all. and you start eating. i proved to you that i could run, and

so i went to the cafeteria and ate, and eclairs, buns, and everything else. because you get tired of being different all the time so that people perceive you and evaluate you as you would like. yes, it resonates with me a lot. hello russians. and how can you prove our father with packages, or can you boil dumplings in a teapot, which wears sandals with socks? like russians, but you didn't believe us. why do you have such an accent? kvn major league the first game of the season tomorrow after the program vremya and what do you

see, we are in skolkovo this podcast triggers with you. i am sergey for myself, he is a practicing psychologist and psychotherapist and today we are talking with tatyana about her desire to lose the so-called excess weight, but i would still like to talk to you about your loneliness. before that, i was very worried that i did not have a young man, that i would one day. i am 29 years old, i have no children, and from the side of all relatives this is also constantly present, tanya, when there will be children, when there will be grandchildren, but now i live and i feel comfortable alone. i understand that i am not yet ready for children, not

ready to start a relationship, not ready. well, i'm not ready to give to children. what am i, well, as it were you understand, it is not the readiness of nature that laid you down with the fact that from the age of 14 you are already capable of this. i can’t imagine how there will be a child in my house for whom i will have to devote time. and i want to merge at any moment now and go somewhere without being tied to something. uh-huh and i might have it now. if a family appears, it will still be a binding already. on the one hand, you want to always have some people in your environment, but at the same time, you don’t want good long-term strong relationships, because i want them. no i want a relationship, but they are, well, of course, i first deal with myself. wait, what do you mean? i want to, but not now. well, now you want an eclair no, no, does this mean

that you want it on monday? no, it doesn’t mean, that’s why i’m asking the question that now and now you don’t want a relationship, or does it somehow look like. otherwise, you want, but i'm afraid that this word was the most correct, and not in such a way that i'm not ready . afraid of something. i can't even say what i'm afraid of, because in principle, there is nothing to be afraid of. you are deeply mistaken. there's a lot of things are afraid, starting with what you have already said of losing your freedom, the so-called perhaps, the falsity of freedom can be truly free, ending with merging with another person. loss of your own identity, the inability to do the things you would like to do. well, you've been in a relationship before. i was in a relationship today. well

they were, how long they lasted several months. at what age was 27 and why did they end and how simply said that everything is fine, but we are breaking up and that's it. and how is it all ok, but how did you get on? it's very hard, that is. all your stress. i love to get involved in sports. i went running, and this time i got vaccinated against covid. and accordingly, i could not go running. i couldn't do anything like i used to go through all my negative emotions. and i drank wine, talked to a friend the next day. i realized that i

couldn’t take it out on my own and turned to a psychologist and had two consultations. she pulled me out of this state. and something happened before my birthday. uh-huh and accordingly, here's how to pulled out and then. i continued to live. and how did you manage to avoid relationships with the opposite sex until the age of 27. i don't know, i'm interested in my question. i don't understand why i didn't have a relationship until i was 27 . tell me what you did to ensure that there wasn’t in this relationship, yes, well, it wasn’t . it was obvious that this was also somehow invested in the answer that comes to mind, because you can’t say for sure that you didn’t want one wanted a relationship. i understand, but when i ask the question, what did you do to avoid them. i suggest you. well, like this a paradoxical look at it, so that you see your responsibility because the way you

behaved. as a result, the result was that you did not have a relationship for 7 years. did not interact with the opposite sex. apparently, during the period when, so to speak, you ended up in the relationship market after puberty, when boys show particular interest in girls, and you closed with your weight. yes, your weight may have protected you. well, yes, you looked at other girls who were slim, who were attractive, sexually attractive, in including, i would like to look like them, but at the same time they did nothing for this. yes, nothing then, that's why i said that you actually have a habit of reaching 85 kg without doing anything. yes, there is, and you can quite

calmly set such a goal for yourself and give a command to your brain that from now on we are getting fat and do nothing, do not go in for sports. i'm talking about the fact that you can set a goal for yourself to reach this weight. and as you rightly said , you don't want to die alone with a cat, but some part of you wants it. and on my look, this is exactly the same part that avoids relationships with people and it’s not at all weighty, because as soon as you start to slim down, attention to you is much more from the opposite sex, including you start to go into your cocoon. it starts to protect you, like a bulletproof vest, because then it

at least, how to say, it is possible to protect you from heartache. and, of course, the first will of the heart. they experienced not at the moment when this young man left you much earlier, where you experienced for the first time this is the feeling when they turned away from you. and in fact you were not accepted, you were not loved, you were not chosen. i'm trying to remember. and you are not appropriate to remember, you remember in sensations, your body remembered absolutely every element of every event in our life. always, well, my mother said that first study , first career and then relationships. here, these are the words that really ingrained in me, that

first i have to unlearn how to do all this to work, and then everything else, so that what to what, to be alone on one's own? your mother did everything to ensure that you were alone and on your own. and it is clear that she did this out of the best of intentions for you. but only you at this moment for some reason, as if betrayed one part of yourself that very part that builds relationships not because it's time. as you say, i'm not ready, but because it just turns out that you can fall in love with a person, fall in love and follow your feelings, and children turn out to be the result of love, and not the result of planned sex, of course, today's circumstances. you can freeze an egg for yourself, anything in there, and you will have a baby in a test tube in 20 years and it seems like everything will be fine, but only a large part of your own

life. where nature has laid you urges, where your personal has laid you urges in extremism, because in order to be happy, to be in a relationship, to be desirable , to be sexy, to be bright, to be shown in the end, yes, and to give. for some reason, this very feeling was told to you that you have not yet ready. and when you told me that i’m not ready , in general, you already at that moment told me about your mother, who gave you a clear manual on how and when to do this. of course, she wanted all the best for the question. what do you want? what do i want? i want to live in the moment , well, enjoy my life, don't be afraid, don't be afraid to go into relationships, don't be afraid to connect with people, do what i really like in the first place, and live. well, how to live the life that

i chose for myself when you describe you begin to shine eyes, you are happy you are active you are there you don't know happy. you have everything you need for this happiness, does it even matter which century? no, of course, no, no, because the weight in this is only in everything. how are you fulfilling all these obligations that you made to your mother today? how many years i'm afraid, but, well, since i work as customers, right? i'm afraid there's not time to hand over

something there not to be in time. here it is to disappoint, yes, to disappoint, but, most likely, the most important person whom to disappoint. afraid it's yours, mom. yes you are understand that you are 29 years old. in general, today you can no longer stand at attention in relation to her. yes, you are very afraid to charm your parents, and even tell them when i went on a run. they, too, first, so why do you need it about marathons, the same thing, right? it's a lot. yes, it's not necessary. it's unhealthy and tell them about some dosing races. i'm scared. hmm. i'm afraid to disappoint them. what happens if you disappoint them with your fantasy? what scenes are drawn, what could happen to little tanya which would disappoint mom bringing a deuce from school. would they and how then mom reacted,

dad also supported. why was it so important not to disappoint them? don't know. how did they react when you did disappoint them in some way? i hope they are supportive. well, how did you get a deuce? they tell you, well, it’s okay for the first time , i don’t remember the exam or the test, and i called them and told them about it. they are so perfect for me. finally, you are a student. so let's go back a little further to childhood. why were you so afraid of disappointing them? what were you afraid? that what had to happen to them as a result of disappointment, they would have died or what, no. i don't know what i was afraid of, because well, you said yourself that you were afraid. that's what they were afraid of. okay,

good phrase. i was always afraid to enchant my parents, my question is simple, and what would be disappointing, what would turn off this disappointment? with what words they expressed their disappointment, maybe they never did, but in your fantasy this scene is strictly looked like an older sister. they're so scared, mama's never there they didn't shout with words. yes, not shouting, not raising your voice. well, literally. their gaze is enough for you to hide in a corner and realize that you are doing something, not right. have you ever seen a trained elephant? come on, you are not admired by the fact that a small person controls a multi-ton animal. well, yes, it is admirable, but you probably understand that this happens as a result of training, at the beginning of which terrible pain is inflicted on this elephant. yes, i didn’t

have pain, no, there were tan, they just didn’t beat you. i understand that you were not beaten like an elephant, but if a person, a separate person, begins to be afraid of the look of another person, then this is exactly what is called, learned helplessness, when they often tell me, not people, and my dad then told me that we were not enough look. father was in order to die there with fear or to understand that i had done something wrong. i understand it perfectly. but, if you think for a second, in what conditions does a child live who is afraid of the views of his own mother, while he is looking for him? he is looking for a loving look, he is looking for an accepting look, he looking for a sincere look, but afraid to meet a cold look. when mom suddenly gets offended and shuts up and may not talk there, i don’t know for a while. this is the most terrible punishment, as far as i understand. i'm afraid to say. see, this doesn't make your parents monsters in any way. they simply chose

this way of upbringing, and again, of course, they did this with the best of intentions, but now we are not talking about them about the fears that you hung on yourself, can you really disappoint people? and not only mom, but in general anyone whatever. and nothing happens when nothing happens, but an adult differs from a child in that an adult is able to handle what happens. and here is the child, why do i ask you what kind of pictures your fantasy paints, because the child paints a picture in a situation of disappointment that he is not able to cope with. but you have grown up, but you have not matured. and now i hope that as a result of our conversation with you there will be a small element of such maturation. when you see what actually do it all. you don’t need what you do, you don’t need to bring the fuck up and throw, so to speak, the sacrificial fire of your own life, your personal life , your sex life.

i don’t know my own pleasures there and everything connected with it. not very responsive to what you say. and now i have a straight picture of a look, there are mothers, yes, that's disappointing. well, she is looking at you in this picture. what is happening to you, i shrink all into a small ball. just like at the beginning. here is the feeling. yes? uh-huh yes, yes, i'm shrinking , i don't want to hide, i want to. yes yes, hide as far as possible. here i am , uh, if we're talking about mom's stern look. yes, i want to hide under the covers. and shrink and that's it and nothing around happens nothing around. i am not here. no, the most important thing is that in all this there is no me, and therefore you understand when you appear there you are

you are 55 kg, then at this moment. you can not stand this heat, and you hide and hide instead of a blanket with your 13 extra pounds. how much are you hiding there, in fact, with your body in order to hide this a little girl who actually has long had a right to property. yes, you now want eclairs. no, i'll just tell you such an exercise, i'll give you the next time he wants eclair chips, something so sweet, when you eat, you just say what kind of mother it is. you know how a small child is fed the last spoon not for mom for dad. here is every cake that you will have in your hands, you just say directly inwardly that i am eating for my mother or for my mother. and you well how to say you this way you see, it's a very conscious field. it will cease to be unconscious when you buy eclairs directly to buy for yourself. that's for mom for dad and for older sister. you can also for the boss of each of all the people to whom you

promised that you would not attract and would not be free and happy. yes, thank you for this exercise. i just thank you very much. thank you, i was very glad and great that you had the courage to do this. thank you. last time, we talked sincerely like this , discussed the past, the present, many questions is about space. it's very interesting for me to listen to you all the time and i think, t today we can talk and reveal even more questions, uh, that interests. i may be interested in something from my space flight experience. well, i think, thank god that there was

such an opportunity to meet, one more time, and because there was too little time, we talked heart to heart. yes, remember, returning to ours. eh, the new year's table, when, well, you communicate with your family. here's the video. you see, they have it in their hands sparklers, then you will definitely be filmed how fireworks fireworks are launched in the yard. clearly, we don’t have firecrackers at the station, not bengal days, but you would definitely have firecrackers, which, uh, maybe not many people know. eh, it was not a regular situation. uh, it was a fire at the station in space of this one, glory. god for now. here, maybe you can tell something about him, by the way, the holiday happened. we have after the first.