hell yes, you can imagine. what happiness, this is for you zhora his georgy ivanovich could have sent the girls. you can say that you are absolutely happy women. no. i can say that i am happy, because the lord is here for me. i don’t know how it happened that this feeling of love. yes, i received it. here, perhaps, this is met by zhora, this feeling has just appeared, but it exists and is still such an all-encompassing feeling of love. but today you feel that he is with you. now that he is protecting you. yes, you didn't stop. that is, we were, of course, for a while. just here in this life. that's all in it. i mean, it's not even stressful. and it’s as if we’ve just been cut into pieces, we’re all cut into pieces, we still want so much. everything, remember to read and talk. i think that you will still come, girls, yes, and we will talk, true, and we

just chat with georgy ivanovich. thank you larisochka thank you, my golden one. and it was a podcast of writing. my name is larisa guzeeva, uh, and i have two wonderful guests maria burkova and tatyana burkova thank you. this is a podcast of the psyche. my name is natalya loseva. i am a journalist, and my co-host is a clinical psychologist , ph.d. in psychology, mikhail khors. today, our heroine came to us with a problem that, it seems to me, is typical for so many of her peers. well, in any case, i came across quite a lot of such stories, and this does not detract from this story in any way, on the contrary, increases its importance. hello tatyana

, hello, what did you come to tell us about, i compare myself with others guys with pain successful guys with those with whom we started, in principle, compare together not in your favor, but objectively not in your favor. it's just that there are objective indicators, for example, the number of sales of a profession, and the number of subscribers. that is , some such resources. that is, measurable , as they say, yes, and the whole problem lies in the fact that when i compare , i don’t have a desire, but to do more, and i’m the opposite. i lie down in some kind of apathy. and why then start, why then start and that's somehow a dialogue in my head? i still can't do it. do you think? i probably don’t even think about whether it will work or not. i just have all my energy that could be used,

it just drops, and then i can’t do anything at all. how old are you now 27 , 27. and when this discomfort began. this is the reaction to someone else's success. uh self-comparison, apathy. follow-up. uh, probably with the advent of social networks, where i began to notice how others develop. and i'm developing they are showing? how do they talk, right? have you ever heard of mikhail, have you also heard or when they are friends about such a foma syndrome, this is the english abbreviation owl of, that is, the feeling that i seem to fall out of this syndrome, he says that on the one hand, that we we watch all the time. what is happening there, it worries us very much, but on the other hand, it is being formed against the background of other people's demonstrated successes. i specifically emphasize this word, we get

the feeling that i missed it opportunity time some chances. i'm not like everyone in the worst sense. so that you simply understand that what you are describing today, and it seems to me, michael this is very, very important. it's just this generation's sickness and sickness. it's in time. great. why did you start talking about it? and tell me about such a bright case, which wounded you right here and knocked you off your feet, but not that he directly knocked me off my feet. i adjusted and i stopped coming in and looking. and this is my friend. veronica we are with her hmm together, by essence started from the hostel started. in what sense, well the professional state to develop, that is, we had a level playing field. yes, we lived in a hostel. she's a little older, of course. what are you doing? i, uh, correct kids.

defectologist. yes? uh-huh she's now started selling her services through social media like private educators, huh? or you too should she started as private and i started also as private. i continue. basically, as a private matter, she began to collect groups, then to collect groups of parents, then a to collect mentorship for a group of parents. and so, selling it all through social networks and very much grew in income very much. you bet, it's embarrassing. here you can argue, firstly, because remember the word objective characteristics sounded. yes , but they didn’t look at the current account or be guided by what she told you or what she shows in herself completely shows what she has in her social networks. well, what he tells and

what he shows, and they did not look at any of her expenses. in general, somewhere travels, distant lands, where once again we do not beg for an apartment dear to ourselves. yes, veronica’s merits are quite possible, she herself has earned it, and it’s just that when we accurately believe that what people tell and show us is real, if we can’t check it in any way, then a small question mark under this statement worth putting. that is, so it is, or so it seems , or it is people who have a special impression here. here is an example of one of my acquaintances, he goes to the gym once every 2 weeks. but he has a video recorded for this entire period yes, for 14 days, and every day he puts something out of the gym, but it happens there once every 2 weeks . we don't know exactly how your

girlfriend is. maybe she really achieved more success than you. but here, tatiana, it is very important to remember that if you have less money than someone else, this does not mean that there is not enough money. that's for sure, yes, less and less are different things, so we, when we evaluate something ourselves, for example, yes, and in absolute characteristics, little is bad, poor hard. we really are. ah, as if for our psyche, for our unconscious , everything could be covered with a lid in a coffin badly. but when we start comparing, we say, yes, i have less than veronica but more than peter ivanovich a. let 's try to talk about roots. why do we start comparing? why does a person begin to compare, because it is natural and normal? you just need to compare the two sides, you know, if we compare only there. we, that is, those who are worse, yes, then

someone worse, someone poorer, someone less successful that way. well, from your group. e, everyone has achieved what you have achieved, far from all, far from all. it's not even the point, because you forget, uh, how to define your exact location. understand when you compare only with her. you experience pain, you compare yourself with that and with that you need to look much at the positive , we look in order to take someone else's example, but we also look back to understand how it happens. please tell us a little about what was before you said you started. i heard that in the hostel, that is, you are not a muscovite, no. where are you from? i said village, yes. and can i immediately put a tick in your head here. you are a girl and a rescued woman in the kaluga region, who today works

in moscow, yes, but in fact i have achieved, but a lot. that is, i am now inviting me to teach at a university because, in general, i am a great specialist. this is something i have no doubt about. and there were even cases when this is a girl who earns more and turned to me with consulted with clients for free. well, yes, well, we already thought, yes, yes, that is, we discussed the issue, and dad and mom are proud of you now. yes, probably yes , you probably don’t know for sure, but how they say that they are proud, but this is a very correct phrase. yes, they tell me that i don’t know what’s inside them, in general, the phrase is daughter. i'm proud of you, i sounded quite often, your childhood, rather not. it is so accepted in our family that it is better not to overpraise. and, of course, this. well, it wasn't enough. that is

, parents, of course, teach us. yes during their upbringing, they teach us. uh, including noticing your own achievements. so, when we don’t know how to do this, and it’s like we open our eyes every day, we have to start a little from scratch, but, because we deny our achievements. we say it's little it 's not at all. and this start from scratch, of course, motivates. now what's important, you're already a girl, 27 years old, right? yes, maybe you miss this from your parents. yes, but now who is it to you, maybe? well, i myself, of course, train myself to notice my achievements. see what we are with you now we see you and i climb into the school. two adults with some kind of knowledge base are trying

to solve tatyana's problem somehow, you need to come to us with a problem. and in response we get such a very sluggish monosyllabic such. there's something there that's barely spoken and i can't understand, no, the motivation. there is no energy to solve the problem, maybe you need to rummage here, it's very cool. natalya to share these two concepts of energy motivation, because there is motivation. here is the motivation - this is the answer to the question. why and the second question? why? i want something in this life to do both of these matters. if you ask, you are on them for sure. answer, yes, and why and why? but energy is some kind of our resource, it may not be enough, where does the energy go. the energy of your personality is not the body, but the forces of the personality. this is very good. it is related to think that they leave

these forces go into negative emotions. negative experiences fear anxiety dissatisfaction with oneself irritation feeling, resentment guilt, that's the whole spectrum of negative emotions overloads our nervous system and biochemically. we feel the same fatigue, as if we had been plowing for 3 days and had not eaten or slept there. well, yes, and that's why i, in general, after watching these stories, i lie down right in apathy for a while. what turns you on? well, somehow tell a straight story when you are straight and so that we can see what you are in a completely different context. well, the truth is, what situation can give you the strength to let you well, let them not open the same courses of their own. yes, but it appeared there, i don’t know, anger is some kind of healthy question. he is generally the wrong approach here is this. come on, if we have a person without energy, let's fill it in, actually ask what situations there were, what, uh,

they gave her energy, that is, they are resources for her. your colleagues are doing, and i'll tell you what now tatyana will feel, she will think. well, i had such situations, which means i have to generate them again, but i can’t , which means i’m bad and again god’s energy will not be from the uh studio and we will dissect it with you here. you see, without it. here we decompose tatyana's personality into atom and, therefore, somehow we compose a secret for her. come on, you came to ashance you are sitting, by the way, a cool psychologist is sitting. let's get the maximum competence out of a hors colleague. first let's extract the answer to the question from our wonderful tatyana why do people experience negative emotions? or you tell me why people experience negative emotions that take away their strength. yeah , there can be a lot of reasons, so help, let's, no, this is lamas, so this is it. yes.

so the usual answer is - that's why i feel so negative. what, because there is some life situation. and now she creates pain for me, in which i do not agree. for example, i just agree and protest. it's already on our side. yes understand your negative emotions. tatyana is not a consequence of the situation in which you find it is a consequence of the opinion that this situation is wrong. and secondly, that it is us that this situation should be different right away. yes? and it’s not even a fact that i want to live the same way as she does me , in general, some of my goals, uh, my tasks , my ideas in general about who i want become me and in moments. watching, i forget about some of my goals and, well, how would you envy, or what? ah honestly, that this envy jealousy. it's definitely not jealousy. what is envy? yes, and in some kind of frustration, but

frustration about me, that is , i don’t want her to be somehow different or not to have this. well, yes, it turns out i want me to be like that. or there, or even cool, that they found out they envy. so what do you really want when you look at how successful your girlfriend. what do you think? no? i want to find some of my own here this fishing rod of money money, not just money. if they give me 100.200.000 million there, it will not improve the situation. i just want to find a way how to set up this flow? yes, how to get it? how to sell your services? how can you search, and what is needed to seek strength, and you

spend your strength on what you are experiencing, that you cannot find it right now. just not now. yes, why? because you think it should be right now? yes, this is some you there baby just in all areas of life so in your personal life. how are you? a. no, it’s not so far in all areas, but, but i ’ve started working on it right now, probably for the last two or three years, for example, doing sports is not so, that is, everything cannot be all at once. yes, gradually, each workout with men is also not everything and not everything at once, either, that is, there you are, but the fact that the buzzword is tolerant, yes, accept this world and that's how it is, gradual, yes, but to yourself in this regard in personal life you have everything here. just compared with you in their young people with girlfriends themselves, and in some situation there is no, because i

mean, not with each other of your young people. about your young man. i compare more. relations at some points yes, here, uh , the man took care and filed in a fugue. yes , he didn’t give me a jacket, that is, if it hurts, it hurts , you leave such a note for yourself. yes, i am frustrated somewhere. i get upset. and what are you saying? it's trying to talk to a young man, change him i'm not trying to change, but now i don't have a boyfriend. no. we recently broke up with my past boyfriend. we were together 11 years, 11 years. yes, we just grew up. well, yes, they grew up and just went in different directions, that is, they went in different directions, but i began to delve into

the feeling of vkontakte. when i began to deal with children, it turned out that when i accept them, when i give them voice, but everything goes . well, the correction is going much faster. so i, accordingly, began to develop it in myself. and my young man from the same systems. in general, that, well, that, that in the villages, that feeling, well, no, places of life. there is no place to just always work work work and work. well, here, here, and at some point you also began to be ashamed of him, probably, yes, but we were together and never went to friends, that is, why am i. and he just didn’t go, because you always have to work. i celebrated all my birthdays when i was alone with friends, that is, he did not go, because he did not have time. starred tatyana and her friends of this. i

don't know. once there was a case when i collected guys to get to know each other. in general, we were going to go together with him, and he said, now to go out. i'm already talking gum, i'm not going. uh-huh, i won’t go and that’s it, but it’s impossible to force a person. these i went alone, of course i was upset. that is, it is some kind of betrayal in some sense. yes, because i collected it is for this that i think, why? i did not go? well, he talked about the fact that it's a total waste of time. and these were the guys who achieved, uh, success in business in various areas. but it's out of there were a certain company and he said, what well, what am i going to show them? well, that is, i went to communicate, and he was embarrassed, i felt such a feeling, myself. he was embarrassed now,

perhaps because tatyana was also broadcasting in some way consciously subconsciously verbally non-verbally. that's a successful success, right? maybe by successful i mean what you gave were going to. they just like them they just hung out, i don't know, they played board games and computer games or they had a lot of talk about who achieved what, who went where such a grant got no, there were no such conversations. these were the guys and these were already adults, the guys. and we met them at the same master class. in general, they liked that i was just alive. we've been meeting for a while. sasha was in the army at that moment, and at some point we were going to play board games. i invited them, and they are the director of the bread factory, the leaders are enu, that is, they

have already taken place and they are not talking about showing any achievements. they are about life. and exactly. that is, that i was talking about life, about playing, about somehow talking, laughing, that is, in this regard, i am so light and lively, and sasha well, here’s another one and it turns out that i couldn’t pull him into life, but he i was able to close our conversations into this material world, until now they have taken it out. yes, i endured that when it begins. this comparison needs to be grounded and returned. that's just to the goals and plan to move away from this childish magical thinking. ugh, here it is. what is that young man doing now? whom you parted, i do not know, but

rather. yes, i don’t want it to end and end in the fact that somehow i try to put them on myself somehow. and the same situation begins for me, like this, when i compare myself with my girlfriend and this usually happens when the goals are too ambitious, you know, the psyche works this way, i set myself such a goal. yes, i understand that i achieve it. in the short term , i can’t, and because of this i get upset and leave. down again. it’s as if i’m not even trying to put it on, not even a small one, because immediately my energy merges such an assumption, when do you get into this state? yes, that's what throws you off to motivate this apathetic such. yes, you

blame yourself for it. do you have something like this. why am i such a fool here? why am i a specialist here, and, but i myself feel like this. you have this self-criticism and, to be honest, i didn’t notice it right in this format. i rather go to bed and get very upset, and at some point i just fall asleep, because the energy drops right to zero and there are such dialogues. uh-huh no in my head. look after yourself, because there is. uh, here is the so -called two-story structure of negative emotions, yes, the emotions themselves and then the dissatisfaction of this emotion. here's to working with the emotion itself. it is necessary to remove dissatisfaction with her, that is, yes, i envy. okay, i'm a living person, i have the right to envy if it goes well for you. i envy and scold myself for being envious. this is directly overloading the psyche and feeling. ra- such a bessist is a very

interesting story. we now, when we discuss in more detail, only the lonely can accept participation. this is your ideal partner. it's already been made. i have to admit you have great taste. and here are your cities, are we not going to sleep together? good morning. i tidied up a bit, that's what 93% of women dream of. try to guess what part of our eat? there is some man there, he is not a man, because, for example, this look of the silver bear is a human soul

. and this is a podcast of the psyche, where i am a journalist natalya loseva and clinical psychologist mikhail khors we analyze various complex configurations of our psychological problems. so what you just need to allow yourself to envy praise yourself for it or how to allow them to accept? and even those, you know, mental and personality traits that, e, are considered negative and unpleasant, for example, you accept them. how is the norm, in general? yes , because after all, our psyche is the world as a whole, it is generally multi-colored. and here is an attempt to assemble, as it were , a puzzle only from beautiful bright and interesting pieces, yes, and throw it away. there, everything black and

gray colorless leads to the fact that the puzzle becomes full of holes. and now, as if through these holes, all our forces leave, on the contrary, when we begin to rely on all facets of our personality. here i am jealous. and here i am , on the contrary, uh, happy for my girlfriend. here. i probably scold myself for not being happy for my friends. that's it, yes, so it means, let's stop scolding ourselves for the beginning for being a man article right now aloud to me, please tell me, i'm a man. i have the right not to rejoice in the west. i am a man, i have the right not to rejoice from each other. you feel something now, but you even want to cry a little. and well, how is it? yes? she is my friend. that is, it's like like a betrayal on my part man. i have the right to betray other people too. yes, i am

human, and i have the right to betray other people. doesn't mean i will. naturally. i would say that you have such an opportunity. you know, sometimes it happens. it turned out like this, if we gnaw at ourselves all our lives, we will not do better to anyone for this. therefore, what is happening now is what i will ask you. now this is called what to pronounce. what is the word affirmation forgiveness forgiveness of oneself, yes, you know, here after all, in any book it says that you need to forgive yourself? yes, it is written in any. it's just not written how to do it. so i ’m telling you now how to forgive yourself, take a sheet of paper, write the word forgiveness on it and add in front of this word. the letter of simplification forgiveness - this is a simplification of the attitude

towards oneself is an attitude. here is not some complicated , far-fetched, not some requirements that we cannot translate into reality. yes and it's simpler i'm a man i have no no they get some kind of jambs in life. i mean, i scold someone, sometimes i envy someone someone i do not love or betray. well, it happens, i'm a man and i simplify my attitude towards myself simpler. that's when we do this, and life becomes easier and we have more strength, because we stop spending them in self-hatred. but the word hate from which word comes to see, yes, not to see, that is, hatred. is it that i can't see myself or the other person? here it is. and i say,

you shouldn't have something like that. you have to be different and that is hate. you see, because the worst feeling, because it can be, white motivating and so that it motivates it is very important to answer the question. and why? here, why do you need money? and what is glory's influence security way to set up this flow of finances? why security? we now feel in danger. no, i don't feel in danger right now. i understand that security is an internal financial cushion - it is always actually part of our sense of security. well, not everything is just completely safe. he, too, is an infantile world, generally dangerous in place. yes and you will not get rid of it will be more

money will be more afraid that this money will be taken from you? honestly. believe how the state of man. and can i ask a question with such utmost honesty , would you like this girlfriend to envy you now? it seems to me that then the relationship will collapse, because i compare myself with her and, accordingly, and i don’t want her, well , bad things and when she envy me. it will look exactly the same in my head, she will lie down and she will run out of energy and she will feel bad. i don’t want it to be bad, because you are talking about her, she will have it, otherwise she will still emphasize yes, healthy anger. yes well, therefore once again directly find the answer to a question. why why do you need this then that while you do not have an answer to the question. you are not formalized.

this is the target motivation, you understand, you are now trying to run away, as if from some kind of pain, yes, i feel bad, and i'm trying to escape from this pain somewhere, but it's better to run towards the goal. this is the same friend i saw a post. and yes, she was photographed with a phone, and wrote. here's my new office for cash. i think it's good that i don't need it, that is, these are directly financial. here is the amount of money financial things. it's not exactly what i need here, yes, you don't need money. i need a way to get this money. and if it is, and if it is a wealthy man who says, tribute , stay at home, please. here's your money , here's your resources, here's your resources, here's your opportunity, stay at home to give birth to children. i love you. herself. you don't understand, i'm wondering what, but i kind of

as if he didn’t become an adult then, that is, probably, i’m just looking for this. well, as adults, you are a grown woman's wife, for example, a wealthy man is well-to-do housekeeping to a great achievement. this man also needs to be found and kept with a lot of work, a serious investment, as if i can’t stand on my own two feet. so we broke up as a young man, and he paid for the apartment, and he also paid for food. so i basically spent my money on education and invested in development. here you go somehow it was. and now it turns out that the money that went i have for my development i, uh, i do not rent an apartment. welcome to adulthood, this is development. by the way , yes, yes. yes, the refrigerator will not fill itself,

but i understand. well, i want while i need money. even honest i need money, what to whom? well, not more interesting, yes, money is evil. even money electricity is evil you can say that electricity can kill a person. can you warm up breakfast? yes, electricity is a tool, the same with money, gasoline for a car. you do not pray for gasoline. why didn't you pray for money? i mean, i'm talking like if they give me the money, so cool, it'll make it easier in a way. you are not life, well, it is determined for a certain period. uh, no one will give money. wait to pick up, you know, but in this position, well, my money is not important. well, i’m like this, it’s important not

to take money again, once i’ve already changed my shoes in the air. let's be honest, the money is needed as a flow. this is the main goal, then money is not important money. this is a success in general, well, money. well, success is always money, not always. well, it seems to me that somewhere here you need it. yes , that's envy, it seems to me in general, it is possible, but i think envy is, you know, what kind of motivator that turns on when all the others have burned out. she calls. i just have apathy, that's the whole problem. well , what causes your opinion that if you envy someone, then you are a bad use envy as a tool go ahead. in general, envy in moderation, think about yourself and let all your motivations be positive secrets we hope that you

will find this energy, but do our homework , yes and it’s easier, of course, to yourself and easier to yourself. it was a hint from the psyche, where i am a journalist, natalia loseva and my co-host clinical psychologist , ph.d. not successful at all a little. who will win the car. well, you didn't even say so. you won a car, but it's the same. what, what is this? well, there was some, well, so-so. the last time i win a car is last week, i feel.