[000:00:00;00] satisfied both demands put forward the day before withdrew from the parliament the draft law on foreign agents, which initially caused popular unrest, in order to complete the procedure officially , now it is necessary to vote against the document . , and this is about 130 people, inspired by the result, the audience decided not to stop. now they are demanding the resignation of the government and the appointment of early in the parliamentary elections, the participants announced that they would start a new rally in the morning. france's senate urged raising the retirement age from 62 to 64 riots resumed immediately in paris broken windows and bus stops electricity turned on at the giant state de france sports concert arena and the olympic village summer

games parliament has until midnight sunday to consider pension reform in a year , which is pushing president macron, the day before he refused to meet with the unions. maybe, maybe maybe it was a chance to explain why everything is so in the ratio of working frenchmen and pensioners is changing not in favor of the former, but the macron preferred the support of ukraine today to this problem. they in paris will speak with the british example of rishonk. the next stage of the restoration of the crimean bridge was completed ; the builders installed the first span of the railway part; the giant two-hundred structure was brought on two barges and raised to a height of 27 m; it remains to replace another of the same damaged span. this is expected to happen in april, then the installation of assembly joints of the expansion joints of the upper structure of the track will begin, and also the installation of engineering systems and lighting. everything is going according to schedule. earlier, i remind you that

traffic has resumed in all lanes of the automobile part of the bridge. what's the news so far see you? hello this is a podcast of the psyche and we continue to read the book of human destinies to look for a way out of the most difficult situations and see the light at the end of the tunnel, which, of course, is always there. i am a journalist. my name is natalia loseva my co-host of clinical psychologist mikhail khors and our guest today who is mikhail in the literal sense, both a beauty and an athlete, a wonderful girl oksana hello oksana, what brought you to us? tell your story. i

had a difficult relationship, and we lived with a young man, and 5 years of civil marriage. that was not easy. he was a tyrant and manipulator, and he periodically had breakdowns. and, that is, he shouted, arranged disassembly scandals, and there he could arrange from scratch. ah, the screams. there he raised his hand to us, but there were situations, yes, and kia and 2 years, like me i ran away from him in the sense of the word and, uh, during these two years. uh this man continues to haunt me, and how could i not find a solution to this problem. he pursues you in social networks or in the direct physical even in social networks everywhere, i blocked him on my phone. i blocked him too. that is, he doesn’t,

well, has no contact with me, and the only way to somehow find me and, uh, how to continue trying to renew communication. this is a sport. that is, as if he himself is also an athlete, and you either have a list, and as if we have all tournaments , matches, competitions, they all pass. uh, well, no matter how publicly available information is forced to intersect at competitions, it turns out that he does not play at these competitions does not participate. where are you coming? yes , in what state of mind are you entering the game during these competitions? yes, and what he does in this comes and waits until the game is over. accordingly, you are leaving and that i am leaving. yes, he is trying. so how do you get in touch. let's go sit somewhere. let's be brief, well, let's talk, we need to discuss so much with you, but it's nice, but it's not scary. well, well, you

say, i will not go with you to the cafe with you. we don’t have to explain everything to complex stories, because it’s impossible to get away from him just like that, that is, he clings to himself like claws and just, well, doesn’t give a way out, so i had to ask the girls. uh, so that they are with me, well, either they put me in a taxi, or we went down to the subway together and drove, but again , this is not the way out, because he is again. uh, followed us. and that is, i simply couldn’t do some nasty things to you , i don’t know, some kind of usual story. if there is no prior story, let's let's hear it. yes, we are talking specifically about persecution. here is the last incident that happened in december. i asked my friend to meet me after the game near the subway a new young man. no, this is my friend, just

a friend. yeah and uh, like, well, i mean, he knows, uh, i used to invite him to games from time to time so that he would meet me so that i could be safe could safely leave, but the competition hall. and, accordingly, when he saw him, he once again came to meet me after the competition, and he attacked him. they had a young man. yes, the young man attacked him. they had a fight and it's good that, well, they passed nearby. the man and they, in short, pulled them apart. yes, and , as it were, i immediately called the police , the police arrived. we went to the station to write a statement again. that's why once again why once again the statement? yes? well, as if here, uh, a little more serious situation, that is, beating a person - it is possible that even an article. but how, well, everything is in order , how would everyone remain alive, that is, a couple of bruise scratches, as if, well,

how would it all end, as it were, but the fact itself, and before that i wrote more report five times to the police. uh, about the fact that he comes, uh, to my apartment and covers my front door with epoxy because of this. uh, there liquid nails. so you can't key, then don't bet can. i mean, uh, i've had to do it many times already. yes, let's put aside today's story now. let's try to go back a little. i heard correctly that you lived with this young man for 5 years, yes, yes, and all these 5 years. i understand that this violence continued periodically. yes, it was like such flashes, that is, for a certain period of time. he took himself well. but, probably, due to the fact that we lived on my territory, as if in mine, but this happened only in the house or he could allow himself on the street to somehow expose you. uh no

it was not normal. yes, well, arrival. yes, he lived with me. you told our guys that there was a case in the crimea when he told you. yes, yes, tell us all the same. ah, well, my niece and i turn out 2 years ago, just this happened immediately after our parting , literally, probably, a month. we went to rest. uh, and accordingly, he, uh, was able to track me down, because i myself am a fool. i left my mail. well, on his phone, that is, as it were, but he had pop-up windows. here are the notifications that what kind of operations are doing something there and it turned out that he found out that i was booking a hotel in crimea a and he arrived there. yes, he

arrived, there, and so how. well, i play there every volleyball for me everything. well, i mean, this is my life. uh, how would the guys and i be there with the company and he also plays. just. well, they were putting out fire on the beach and playing ball. well, he just came to us without asking. for me. it was a shock, because, well, i didn’t know what , in principle, could happen. and he, well, starts, like, let's go play. i say i don't want to play. he takes his phone throws me his phone, says, let's go grabs my hand. well, they start dragging. i'm just on it all happening in front of everyone. yes, it's all happening in plain sight. once again we will put aside the situation that after parting, uh , before i a will hand you over, so to speak, into the gentle psychological hands of michael tell me,

please. it went on. here is your not happy life of bullying with violence for five years. why didn't we leave earlier yes, i understand that this looks very absurd. because that as would any healthy person of any conflict situation. can easily pick up and leave. if he doesn’t like something, but here lies another very serious problem. and my personal character. and i would like to talk about it too. it's that i had a sick mother. uh, the fact is that i am a late child in the family, and my mother was 40, when i was born, my father was 50 and you understand, that is, a hard life, perestroika there in the nineties, that is, uh, she did not spare herself three children. and, of course, that is, by the age of 60, she no longer had health.

practically and it turned out that the last 10 years of life. a. well, i practically dedicated to her because, well, she was my favorite dear person in my life. well, i wanted the best for him and i wanted her to be healthy , to cope with problems a little with help, yes, so that she would wish a little for pleasure, but how would health it is what it is and turns out at 60 years old. she had her first stroke. here she was heavy in intensive care, and she was barely pumped out. ah, paralyzed her on the right side, then there is, and it literally ended up in your arms. yes, she was in my arms.

and uh, it's not the most difficult problem there, because i more or less cured her. everything was fine, all the problems started when she was diagnosed 3 years later. uh, diabetes. uh , it was a real sentence, because, and after that it fell down, that is, and you couldn't do anything, you tried, nothing works. yes? hmm it was a very difficult period, because i had scandals in hospitals in a showdown in hospitals. e couldn't write out normal treatment carried out for my mother for my mother's life. yes, she was in the hospital. well, so that you understand with a frequency of once every four months you lost, in the end. ah. i lost at that moment. uh, when she once again, that is, he had two heart attacks. and after

the second heart attack, the doctor tells me that there is nothing we can do. uh, her heart is only working at 18%, and that is , a pacemaker, or bypass will no longer help, that is, only a heart transplant, as it were, but a person, uh, diagnosed with sugar stroke and brought heart attacks, as it were, that is, well, you understand, he, well, this operation, as if she would not have endured mother is dying. and, well, in the end, yes, she dies and it turns out. eh, these are three years. but when we just got acquainted with my civilian, they fell out with this husband, here they were at the peak of the difficult period. e, when my mother was very sick, and i needed psychological support, because

, well, i myself could not cope that he was the person who could become your support to support you, that is, as if in part well, i was looking for, and not just like a man. yes, with whom well, i wanted a friend. well, like support. yes, you didn’t have much time to look for something, but the opportunity to choose. listen well, kipe, i didn’t understand what to know here. i always play big. i hope i have enlightened you. something i'm fighting for my family this time. well hello, what are you, unless i give you to them girl. in what sense? insurance? it is clear that you yourself will not understand here. on a pistol, it’s so intimidating in front of me now, the testimony of valentin gracheva, according to which it turns out that you committed murder in her apartment. good morning everyone management of your own security investigative committee you are detained on suspicion of abuse of office so you want that you

know marina slipped something. there is such an imperfect container, the final episode on sunday on pervy my name is natalya, a journalist, a leading candidate of psychological sciences, mikhail khors, and our today's guest, oksana, a beautiful girl who lived under the rule of a tyrant for 5 years and still hasn't completely got rid of him i still have a question. and you felt the same help and support from him all these years.

he gave you something to the hospital for discharge. they actually started, with its outbreaks , they began about four months later, as we began to live. and you somehow discussed these outbreaks with him. here to talk about this , tell how painful it is for you to tell that he is terrible to experience these outbreaks. he believed that i was to blame for all uh, these situations with him you told how it hurts and scary of course. well, at least he tried to listen to it. well, he listened, but this again, i can catch on again for the word to translate into new scandals, and disassembly is to blame yes, where i would be extremely guilty in all disassemblies. there were moments when he collected all his

things there, walked around the apartment, and folded his suitcase. and i say. everything i'm leaving, and you cried this situation. uh-huh no, i didn't ask to stay. i just look at these things a little soberly, that is, not from the position of a victim. well, how would hmm me, well, how would it be quite difficult, because and in such situations i funny, that is, two adults who live together share the life of life, and they come up with a wet. well, just from scratch some simply fantastic stories. yes, but they can't agree. well, i personally find it funny, it's clear that, and i couldn't handle it. well, with the violence of his desire to hurt me, but to humiliate me, and so on, because, well, i’m by nature a very kind person and you never respond in kind to all his

attempts, but how to cause not suffering only accepted, that is, this is the only thing that oksana did the right thing. it seems to me that this is a very wise position or it is a deepening of the situation. here is the reaction. i am soft , kind, accepting. she is good, if a person has variability. if at some point he can be tough, strong and even aggressive oksana's variability or her, in principle, a person has the right to answer both hard and soft, and he chooses. that's great, but when a person does not have the opportunity to answer harshly, then such a person is called not kind and gentle, but helpless. well, victim, yes in this situation, here is kindness and gentleness, they are kindness and gentleness when we e have the opportunity to answer and as the proverb good should be with fists. i do not

like the word good, but that's what it's about. and what was he supposed to move in response to, when he swung at her, you can understand, but it seems to me that oksana has such a scenario for such a scenario, in principle, i can calmly, right? shine, if you could, would come up and answer. and now, maybe, physically she can, it’s personally forbidden to do this, most likely, on this traditional family values ​​of education with good family women we have. well, maybe it was in the man's family never. here are the assemblies yes, call this upbringing good when the child is not given. e education does not lay the right to defend oneself, including with fists, i would not call this education something family relations the person with whom you

associate some may be a person who does not beat you, you understand, but if he beats. that can be the answer closest to you. it's you, and we 've been forgetting about it for the rest of our lives. tell me, please, oksana a. this is the first man in your life who, in one form or another, used violence against you, not necessarily physical. yes, the coach never allowed himself to somehow press you. dad , well, only psychologically, as it were, this is the norm for sports education. yes, athletes, of course, a different story. it seems to me that they mock in a different way, they don’t know how to motivate, except for the humiliation of mikhail. or maybe, so this is oksana’s life line of her young man, tyrant and rapist. she could somehow be provoked by her previous experienced communication with the coach, because really the coach. moreover

, there are no women's teams yet, that is, history. no. it's a completely different story here. here is a story of not being ready for such an event in your life. she was ready that the scoundrels of the wounds would come, especially since it came in straws, right? o helped with mommy oksana and still has an opinion. but what if you live with a person, then this is the closest person, of course, yes, this is not of course. look, you have already got into a life situation, when you live with a person, and he will take you there bludgeons, insults the naked under the covers together. yes, one more time. it's not a sign of closeness. this is not a sign. this is a fact of business , you understand, but there are other facts, these are people who are close to universality, a person is mistaken if she does not trust him. and women may be different, but there are women of different social responsibility. they can let unrelated men in bed, wait, wait for a psychologist. give the psychologist the same

word to say like this again, but it is important to be an adult in life. did you have any family attitudes and from the parental family, yes? that the family is sacred, that if you live, then hmm we blow off the dust particles, it seems like mom and dad behaved, but in real life you encountered a different behavior. uh-huh, but continued to treat in the old way, uh scenario. see, here's the problem. the problem is that you were not ready to change your attitude towards the world and the realities that you faced. yes, for me personally it turned out. it's easier to change partners. yes, that's just fine. she will, only in 5 years. yes, one more time. but in principle, yes, sometimes such people completely correct themselves hitting the frying pan on the head, and they stop adjoining the statement. maybe so, but, and again. and so, too, i can talk about

a frying pan, as it were, yes, well, there is something of some kind of factor of aggression, for example, because i was brought up again. e in the opinion to be aggressive. it can be bad just with the word yes, two types of people who behave aggressively with these outbursts means, and these can be normal people. mentally healthy, who do not have the skill of self-regulation, they have somewhere irritation accumulates accumulates accumulates splashes out the lid blows. yes, and there are people who are called psychopaths. so, this is their uh, just a characteristic of personality, violence, another characteristic of personality. they have this narcissism when they are there themselves, well , they love very, very much, and the third characteristic is, uh, the rapture of power over another person and unwillingness. here, uh, to rule and the unwillingness of this person to lose the pathology of psychopathy. a little psychopathy. in each of us there is

not the norm, when a person needs these outbursts of aggression does not work. you see well, then he's most likely a psychopath. that is. if he was told once that i was in pain, the second time they said that i felt bad. i'm scared. it's hard for me when you act like this. and he does not correct his behavior , does not try, does not drink. the pill does not go to a psychologist, nor does it do anything. yes, then, most likely, he is a psychopath who will behave like this. here's to our viewers. this is a clear answer. how to distinguish yes , it’s really there your loved one has something accumulated, yes, and it flared up, or is it just a psychopathic hothouse. i have two questions. how to understand? is it possible to work with this person for another second, if you understand that it is useless to work, how to remove him from your life, firstly, how to talk to them, right? there is, there is for conversation. two positions are the so-called position, and you

are the position of people very often, but you choose the wrong position when they say you are behaving badly. you are not good. you are sick. you're a fool. yes, you 're bad aggressive it's you position. and in such a position, well, we only inflame the conflict, and we make it even more, i position is just the one who says when you behave like that without judgment. it's just that when you act like that , it really hurts me badly. i'm your loved one, please, yes. and so, if you once said in position, the third well, the fifth. a person does not correct his behavior, at least to some extent. yes, at least it does not show any dynamics, most likely, this is a psychopathic personality, which must be beaten from. he can also enjoy. just this. yes, she says, it’s hard and painful for me, and such a shameful quiet pleasure begins to rise in him

from his shoulder blade from his range. and definitely psychopaths do not feel ashamed of conscience pleasure. i don't think so. he would have prepared these scandals so subtly. well, that is, using different means. yes, what i'm saying here, i threw the phone there. he even had a case he nailed the phone to the wall, nailed his phone to the wall. well, it's manipulation. see how to what? you brought me and yes i wanted to thereby show that they are not controlled. victimizing through guilt is a classic. what was the last straw? that's when he does decided that you would run away from him. well, the last straw, it was probably what i felt that we survived our relationship. so, how would i, well, that is, he etched the good. you just felt it. yes,

there is nothing more warm for you to him. well, yes, the fact that there is nothing warm. yes, it’s already like she’s already matured like an accumulated computer in me, so to speak . and like, yes. the first year is very, very hard. i was to psychologically survive the loss, as it were , of a loved one, and in the second year, i, well, as if i felt all some kind of force, a resource in order to change this situation. and uh, as if the most impetus was the fact that we somehow went to eat, without maloylov, the park was full of bicycles. and well, i look at me in short, uh, the network did not catch on the phone. i say, like, you can give me your phone , my network does not catch. i want to see. a. well, where are we? well, to get out somehow, just an innocent request, yes, yes, and

he gives his phone. well i take a quick look at where we are and catch a glimpse. in the meantime, he stood smoking , i think, well, yes. i got into his whatsapp and read who he communicates with there, only curiosity will let people down. and no, i don’t feel that how i would have done it, that they did everything right, that they found it, my conscience does not torment me. well, as it were, i just had a desire to make ours, as it were, and the fact that he took away the correspondence of a girl with girls. yes, there are kissing hearts. goodnight sweetie darling when we see you again well anyway everything is in this context, god sent this situation in fact and you do not reproach yourself. get into your correspondence. let the audience in white coats forgive me absolutely deserved in this situation. michael agrees. well, yes, we understand this and it gave us the strength to pack up and just

leave, as it happened. it was a planned operation, because before that i had already tried to escape from him, but it ended in an extremely terrible and negative way. there was a situation where my things were stolen. uh, there i called the police and wrote a statement again. this is a very complicated story. if i i will tell, as it were, that is, this attempt was not the first. yes, more or less successful proof that we agreed again, so to speak. and here, and the second kind of escape i already planned in advance, that is, uh, i rent an apartment, here. thank god in advance at that moment at the moment when i was planning to leave him, and we lived in a rented apartment, then due to the fact that i sold the previous apartment and transferred it to another

project and for some time, well, we were forced to live on rented apartment. and it was like i would like to split these costs in half. he was financially dependent on you, well, in terms of housing. i think yes, and at this moment you are leaving the apartment that you rented together and leaving for another rented apartment. yes, i rented an apartment in advance and found a driver who will transport me all my things. but he once again went to work there, and i just collect all my things in a few hours. eh, i'm loading. it's all a car and i'm leaving. apartments, well, at the same time, well, of course, without reporting anything here. what time is it appeared, and he came home at about 7:00 in the evening and, accordingly, well, he arrived at an empty apartment, and he immediately began to call. eh,

i didn’t move at all for a month, probably a month and a half. that is, as if calmed down, so to speak, not a competition. neither there, nor training, something else, that is, i screwed everything up. and i just waited for the time, i think, well, now, uh, a month or two will pass there. he will calm him down a little, respectively, blocked everywhere. but as time has shown , it has been chasing you for 2 years. yes look here de facto. resolve this situation, you can only use some psychological methods. let's try to help oksana build a strategy, what does she need to do to advise the youngest? what to do? it's useless here, everything is clear. try to meet at least run away. ask other people for help, but it's hell for two years. wait natalia yes, so the only question here is how much oksana will endure, yes, all this work.

and this is work. this is work, if a person became a victim, so it turned out a psychopathic personality, then it’s just important to lay time for yourself so that from these relationships, which on the other hand don’t e, then e don’t cut off, it’s important to get out of them, it’s terribly unfair that she should stand. i don't know, in my opinion, if a person climbs a psychopathic relationship with a psychopath. yes, it is fair that it will be hard and painful for him later. now look at tactics such as dragging this episode on the beach somewhere before you in the literal sense, what should you do? scream okay help save the kill. here's what you don't have to do. do you understand our children screaming understand? the first recommendation is again to parents. please. take the child to the forest and

fight with him in the throat together so that he has internal permission for these cries for help, you understand, yes, this is important. this is the first. yes, that is, that’s all, even if they don’t beat you and don’t drag you, you still scream. no one will judge you site. shout, they will look at you like a crazy fool, but everyone is watching the police department. you know, please, in the head of the people, the allocation of the police, you are treated as a person who brought them difficulties. yes, that's why they try to reject you. they just write back. well, this gives me difficulties. each refuses difficulties, filling out documents and so on, so no, e, do not get in, first of all, into people's heads. many people will sympathize with you and help you. yes, someone will pass by, someone will think a fool. well, let them think you think about yourself, and not about what they think of you? this is

the parental, see what your uncle says about you. yes? well, that means, well, they are clear as in this situation simply does not fit. one of the first steps is not to force a man towards you. you don't have to put a man in here. all if a man wants to hook up with you. this is already such a wake-up call in the modern world, you know, it happens in every way, but in the modern world, the financial situation has its own financial situation, and then maybe a brilliant scientist who in 5 years will take a new one, put down uh 20,000 for an apartment. he can find here, let him come, he says, you have an apartment there, i understand that the rent costs 40, i give these 20. we both live. yes, this is a normal man with fantasy that normal men do. look there, what she says is professional fiction. it turns out that her wife is sharp, the picture is normal, stylish, i don’t know what

an injured woman is in a share across. yes, oksana was undoubtedly injured to some extent , these injuries can be filled. but understand trauma. and we inflict ourselves with an assessment of all this. hmm , for example, somehow the horror of hell. yes, when we ourselves get used to these assessments, they injure us, but in fact you got on statistically in ordinary life a different situation in such situations 1 2 3, 4 5, 26 27 30 40. among your acquaintances, for sure, there is a similar one, therefore, it’s calmer for the assessment , then you will be less nervous , you will have more strength to fight for your future strength is gone from you when you are worried, and you are worried when you read that this hell is some kind of difficult last question, what will michael ask you with what reactions oksana can encourage him to continue the persecution. and how to behave properly