who do i love love shadows?

although no, i ask you to speak home now. simple

you are healthy me. you're healthy, that i'm more on me. i'm busy.

and moon

people hello this is a podcast of the psyche, where i am a journalist, natalia loseva and my co-host clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences mikhail khors, play solitaires of human destinies and find the right solution. well, or at least we are trying to mark the way to them , our today's hero sergey parkunov is divorced, man. in the prime of life. he has two children and is very difficult with them. relationship. especially with my daughter. he doesn’t know what to do, so he came to us so that we would try to find some way out of this situation sergey what happened we got divorced and my daughter’s relationship, the younger ones somehow changed and changed rather

not a very good side , since it ceased to communicate completely at first. and i think somehow. perhaps even a traitor. well, i specifically didn’t hear this conversation process at all in social networks. she succeeded in only monosyllabic expressions. even if you ask i tried not to go out when i had some kind of dialogue, but it was absolutely negative and even a in such a manner that i just don’t want to communicate with you by visiting her on the social network. well, from this page in social networks. she is very interested in drawing. i noticed that quite often she had drawings of this nature concerning the blood of death. well, as i understand it, these are crosses in front of the characters. this means enough is not very good plus. in addition, it is very social, that is, she is constantly, if sasha school, she can just stay this way, go into the room and just stay in the room and not go anywhere to sit only in social networks. well , i sent it here, if these are the terrible social networks that were before, they just scared me and the question. why are

your drawings like this? why are you so social there was no answer at all initially, and then somehow he said, this is my desire. it's my opinion. this is my life not to climb at all. once, she also showed in the photo that he also has it on social networks on drawing on the arm that is very strong to me. of course i was worried. i became. that is, more spouses, what's the matter? what is the problem, in general? she says i don't know, i work with people. e, asking her the same answer was the same. now i thought, the type does not apply. and i say you're breaking my heart. she says can you buy glue? that's all, of course for me. it was enough. yes, teenage bullshit. it's okay. well, nothing terrible is necessary before that , at the initiative of the spouse. yes, i am very much not an adherent of this divorce at the age of 16. well, and there i just, if well, i didn't, i didn't hold candles , i can't say about it, but the background for such is that there is someone else. she no longer changed in life , the children changed in a completely different way, as they were informed

that the parents were transformed that the pope did not want to do anything in the apartment inactive. well, and then what exactly was said was, so i don’t know, i no longer lived in this apartment. oh wait, you live so far away. yes? no, that's right, we live close by literally a kilometer from each other. friend. yes, this one, but here's a meeting, then, except for my son, it doesn't happen to me, that is, your son has a normal relationship. quite right. quite right. yes, the sons come and call him and communicate with him. and, and even here i say, i, well, son, you send money. uh, daughters too. and then maybe i can send you something else. maybe you need something? i don't need anything from you. all if talk even daddy's daughter always called me. yes, we had a very soul to soul. yes, well, a couple of times, maybe i cursed her, there are some actions there that i’m talking about artistically, she can paint the walls of the house there, everything that is there, well, you yourself understand everything that is at this age, but i could

scold them. they talked after the divorce. you once. you know, i talked to her to explain when the divorce happened. yes, she even came home. here in the scientific apartment. yes, where uh, because the former wife of the council, perhaps that she studies poorly. i don't know what to do with her. i say send it to me. let me have live. i somehow this, maybe i will direct her in something, because we, in principle, had time to work with her. she lived for a while, but then she left, and after that everything was like this. no, she said, she says, i'm bored here, bored, what's boring? i don't have any girlfriends here. here you don’t have a computer, you don’t have any of these cable networks on the internet, it’s not interesting to do everything, but you said sergey e that your daughter gave you such a phrase? yes, she wrote that she does not need anything from you. yes, they believed. no of course no one checked. so i can't see it, how it is, maybe a teenager child or something is not needed. well, so good. let's assume. but what

can your daughter need from her dad? well, in my opinion. i thought. somehow it may be some kind of caress. and well, at least. well, at least let's say what caress is. that's how how you can caress this caress now 15 more time. yes, somewhere, somewhere, even go to the same cinema in the same theater, i don’t know there, well, in order to somehow spend time at least you understand, it would be nice for me to get in touch with her, but uh, you see, i have a feeling that we have sergey trying to give the girl what she doesn’t need, what he thinks she needs. and how do i find out what i need? that is, the children also survived the move from another country. it is absolutely true that stress is also, of course, and stress is great, so this is what is important now you decide within yourself. that what is happening to

you is happening to you and to your daughter. and this is the norm. uh-huh this is no exception. it's not some creepy one. nightmare is just a normal average situation. well, someone is brighter, someone is quieter. well, we're splitting up, right? no, well, for starters. yes , now we will talk about how to solve it, but it’s just that you can decide, you can decide, you can and should. e question. in what state behold, if you will face this situation the state of tension. with convictions with such a psychological position, it’s impossible it shouldn't be like that. it's something bad going on. now the whole world will collapse to the ground, only in this tension. it is your daughter who will be reading and most likely she will think that this is stress directed at her so you can ask. how do you understand that this one, and the tension in it due to what is happening in these drawings, which say these actions. you understand, no, no, sergey is not stressing you

because of how she behaves, you are stressed because you think it’s bad and what is not possible? it seems to me that sergei is afraid, he sees these drawings of dead people, and that is, this, apparently, is some kind of subculture. here the murder is afraid that the girl, for example, may not have watched militants as a child. none, where they shot and killed, it looked like the terminator was there, and so on, at the same age. there was also blood. why can she? and here, because there is now a group in social networks, where all sorts of scumbags are manipulators. they lure children, so, uh, all sorts of action algorithms are wedged in there, then the kids jump. let's call things our knowledge, and then the kids jump off the nineteenth floor, 'cause they're uh on the state. here in these groups that taught them that. that's what he's afraid of in the nineties, they also jumped from the nineteenth floor. we know less about it now, it's all being pulled out. here, in fact, there are no friends around, in principle, no girlfriends. if she

is not telling the truth, she told you herself, i have friends where i live with my mother. and here where you live, suddenly the only one that such in the same perspective by the fact that it is not enough for you, but this is not enough, but no. why is one friend not enough, tell me, why is one friend? usually when communication is considered. well, when if someone else judges by himself, like, really, naturally of course, but she is a different person, firstly, she is a girl, secondly, and 15 years old. and secondly, she is not you in the third. and fourth, you may not know much, and this actually scares you. i think what scares you right now is that you are the only source of information about your daughter and her inner world and experiences. because of this, these same drawings, these drawings can really reflect her inner world, or maybe some kind of pose. yes, such a foppishness, you know, some posturing. well, because this is how they manifest themselves outside. yes, this is a kind of image, since you do not understand the true reasons, you do not have this physical contact with the child. i think

it's you and actually tears and bombs. yes, maybe mikhail still think about how to find, but some points of contact, so that, well, i don’t know, go to an exhibition, there is some close subcultures. please publish her drawings. interesting. here, download from it. she shows you in social networks that she is interested, but you say, i don’t know what she is interested in, she shows in social networks. you say it's all bullshit. here. and you know her drawings, make a photo book book, it costs a penny. give her this photo book, bring it and give it to her, show that you see her , respect her, understand that while this is the feeling, you p-invited a 15-year-old. teenager. you don't have internet at home. no, in order to study a little better, so somehow limited then. yes, come in, dear in the cell. i'm more reliable by the hand than you. and you sit, please, and rejoice, say, how

do you feel good in daddy? cool. that's another time you don't see her. i am against these informational dependencies . they work with them, but to see the child as he is, as they are more or less now. that's depending on the internet with some subcultures. well, this is not god, but all sorts of punks in our time. they were generally some kind of game. yes, but somehow our parents lived until that moment. when you got divorced, when she loved you she called herself daddy's daughter and so on, what did you have in common. here you had, for sure, some kind of uh, there traditions, kit rituals, some kind of joint pastime. in principle, i drove to the dances. well, i did not dance for a while. she had already stopped before we moved here. it somehow stopped because and when she performed at concerts and that's it. it was something interesting. yes, but then something is completely complete and i don’t think anything. that what drove her on

dancing. it was the only thing for which she says that my dad and daughter are starting to have something else. maybe conversations are hiking. i don't know which ones. well, some kind of campaign . they just came there to be like. you were happy. what was happiness? tell me, please, when you come home, in principle, they meet you, where the goths from the kindergarten there, for example, and you meet from school, you hug, we studied. and we learned something together. i love to cook. she took on a lot. these , uh, are some of my author's dishes, so to speak, that she really liked to cook, but now he continues. we something you thought together here in this in this respect. yes, just like that, what does it mean in the heart of the gap is still small. however, it was already time to put her to bed. z. well, she doesn't go to bed. that's it, i'm angry and takes the handle. and so in bed once and in the morning she already

lies and must be taken out. i say get up and sleep. she tells me how you put it, and take it away, so this is it. this is the most such this favorite moment, of course, in this life, and the most the happiest when in principle, i worked like this for days. well, he came to medicine, already tired from work. uh, it's she who will lie next to her head on her shoulder. and that's just silence. here we are just silent, i can feel the breath, and next to me, the warm one is so soft. i would like to repeat, of course, now hugging is impossible. only yes, sergey , i think that everything is possible, but no. she grew up a girl, you know, and you still expect from her that she will be a five-year-old child who will come to you under your wing. and breathe under your arm. no she was small. and now she's a 15-year-old teenager impossible. get the same level of warmth of confidence. it's just

not bad. well, maybe different. yes, but the other one needs to be leveled to find it. to understand what can bind you, in order to speak , natalya asked, what did you bind? hello , yes, and you said so, as if you still think that you have exactly the same thing and can connect, it seems not anymore. again, it's just not a problem. what where when the spring series of games from march 19 on the first vitalik can not choose.

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earn. why take a break? get distracted, because when you are, somewhere not in work, where you are even at home, just like that, all these thoughts are pumped up. well, everything from the head and everything. the rest was canceled work. this is an escape. it's not an achievement tool. some goals is a way to escape from some pain. and you didn’t think about calling

your daughter just to drink tea, she doesn’t come, where to go home, and i even offered her. she was infatuated for a while. so i also watched korean culture then, there was something in moscow literally taking place there, like this kind of event. yes, most likely, i offered, because i had the opportunity to bring and acquaintances there. this is all i suggested. she says i don't need it. i don't want it. i do not want it. i am telling you it was interesting. i don't want it now, i don't want to go at all. i want to sleep. this is the standard, by the way, the expression, i argue. well, she might be in pain. now you may be. somehow to talk about mutual pain, maybe you should write her a letter and tell her how difficult it is for you to write a letter if sergey lives a kilometer away from us, yes, from his daughter, but he only communicates remotely, not always.

after all, it is measured in physical kilometers, as i understand it, that physically a kilometer. yes, go, why don't you go to her live, because in that apartment they enter there, your daughter lives. well, there you look more often, and the mother-in-law lives nothing, perhaps sets it up. it's already 100% of it. see the girl is an adult. well, 15 years. this is when it is already possible to understand a lot? well, try talking to her. that's right for an adult. yes, my mom and i got divorced. i'm probably to blame for something, but you can't divorce your child and you can't divorce your parents. and you and i know that girls dad is even more important than just talk to him. i want to be your dad everything

equals. i'm not afraid to admit to you that it hurts me a lot or you try to be such a dad of such an eastern and you said that you were told that your heart broke. and that she could buy glue? well, well, buy it, daughter, buy me glue. well, honestly, right now , i can turn it off as a psychologist. here's what i would do, like a dad, and quite emotional. i would come to the door. i would sit on the floor and say. daughter, until you go to a cafe with me, i won’t sit anywhere at night, you won’t go to work, i’ll kill myself. here i will sit. i want to talk to you. not with mother-in-law not at home there in an apartment without the internet. i want to invite you to beautiful cafes, and i want to go there with you. and until you agree, i won't do something, because firstly, i'm

a man, i'm your father. i so want. i love you very much. daughter, very not very. if i have personally offended you, so i forgive me, i will ask for forgiveness as many times as necessary for you to forgive me, you thought about it no such thing. i didn’t even think about such a moment, what would prevent you from doing it now, since mikhail advice. i think i'll do it, i don't give a damn what's up. wow. thank you. thank you for this. wait, you are afraid of what your mother-in-law will not say in her main action. what will she do? well , i don't understand what she's doing. she will be. yes , of course, it's easy. that is, your mother-in-law does not beat you. i mean it's possible that it will be, right? yes, it was at that time

just talking about a divorce, sergey, if it was like that before, it’s not a fact that it will be today tomorrow yes , but in the end. well, they are afraid of wolves in the forest do not go? well, well, okay no. you have a daughter living there. it seems to me that look, there is some kind of not fully spoken divorce story, which, perhaps, is being speculated at home, and lies at the heart of what the girl feels. let's see, there's probably something that happened. here. let's what is the official version. well, let's just say from your mother-in-law in the eyes of your mother-in-law. why did you divorce? well, because i don’t pay any attention at all, nor my wife, it’s true, and it’s honest, right? what was it like recently, right? here for two years, i won’t say so, they fell out of love with each other, you don’t know, you loved, and in general, it’s right that the soul always haunted everyone, i was just happiness, for me it, maybe some until recently, you were like that now. but

lord why less attention? no, when they moved to moscow, it became already in moscow already. yes, they have already moved, they have already lived , but there, how do we pay attention to life until 12:00 from this i come, as you want and as if there is not enough time. no, no, i did it. such a problem with that, yeah, uh this trading system worked. i came late from work, while you were lying on the tv, as always, i ate, and i would go to bed. i'll sit a little longer. it seems to me that there is very little time. i wish there was more of this somehow. i don't know what it is, what it's called. maybe it's, of course, how it would have been before, as you would understand, we had something at all had attention. yes, we understand, she also, here i say, we staged concerts there dancing there this one in their country. yes, i was the host there, i wrote the script there, she and arranged for her to dance, so that she could study there and receive an education. i brought it to her. here it was something. and not only

a daughter, a wife, a daughter, diets in general, children, but for me it was an eastern husband for me, who organized everything for the family. i knew that here i brought them, i sit and wait, they will dance there and practice. that's it, they're getting ready for the concert. yes, i'm preparing a script, what is it? why it ended, but left for a foreign country. well, yes, it didn’t work out that this article has a son again, this is my own, because i don’t know with bureaucracy with some certain faced. there's something else they haven't been able to confirm. no, he confirmed his diploma. you know these for certification there. well, let's say that there is such and such, and not naksem. it was god , probably, who traumatized, yes, because you came with such pride that now this is all for you. that's all it turned out. in the end, right? as a result, where this one wants me to work. he at least wants you to understand that you are in a situation of such a midlife crisis. you have changed country. you essentially lost the trophy because you

arrived. moscow could not confirm their medical diploma such a self. yes , after all, she still understood that in what situation you were, what kind of fat you are - yes, because all the relatives are all. she has it here, but she 's used to it. she was spoiled, used to you dancing, you her back and forth, and suddenly he saved her. i can't tell from the balloon, because yes i worked. they have two jobs and earn quite well, and from the beginning no, but i did not let them work. i think, for what, in principle, because the children are small. yes and then, after all, in principle, it was necessary, and then i say, i saw an ad somewhere. yes, i want to be different. yes, i can't say. no, he's not good, no. i can't have a bad woman. no. no, i'm just saying what it is. maybe the spouse broke down in fact? shows you that any deviation from her usual

comfortable lifestyle will be associated with her , that's all the level of failed negativity. uh-huh do you think that she e can’t be like that, she’s already like that, well, as she said, that with her words that changed me like interests or something. in general, i say it has changed. that's what i'm saying, i'm telling you, a romantic there, what you liked when you arranged those evenings. yes, it used to be cool, but now it loses all meaning. i need to have comfort. i need to have everything at once. and now she's like on what she lives, she works, because here i say too, when she wanted a family. yes, no family, as such, they are not filming now. it wasn't impossible. now, thank god, they don't was. this is exactly the period. yes, this is what with the work with all the cases. i can't help it here to keep, but as credit you realize that while you lived there you were basically fed, when you came here. well, the one that got into, but in this mess with a diploma

and so on. she made money and you didn't. well, recently i didn’t start earning money there, yes, but when your family began to earn money, rather at the time when you fell out of your usual role as the main support for the family. yes, everything sounds exactly the only question is who allowed it? i, well, it’s okay in general, mikhail, that is, wait, but he didn’t have , or something, the right to this weakness, he didn’t have the right to the fact that he could have a difficult period of life, the right to a difficult period. there is simply a need to teach everyone close to the fact that dad is super strong, everything is always for everyone. he will always decide everything will work and he will never have problems, that is, the previous story taught your loved ones to the fact that you are like this. well, that's the way we're supposed to have been. so weird, maybe then i'm sorry. please and dots now dad is not so cool.

i’m the same, of course, now you are from a strong dad of a handsome almighty a-a mining, who can so easily by the hand by the leg into bed back and forth yes, throw your daughter, who will break into a cake and make the whole event all questions are decided by the person whose kicked out by my mother and grandmother, who is a loser without a job, who does not have internet in the apartment. yes, and so on. yes, once, of course, we don’t criticize or belittle all of this now, on the contrary, we say this, maybe be, this is a normal everyday situation. as it happens, i have everything and take shape now with maximalism. you know, that is, once she, of course, will understand everything. the question is mikhail now sergey has a chance to reach out. so we dug up the situation with you. you realized that it is more difficult, yes, gorgeous. yes, now it is important, if

sergey wants to reach out, then, most likely, hmm will not work. but if sergei wants to knock, as a process, you know , knocking on this door, they may open it for you , or not. but if you want some advice, like, what should i do to immediately open there will be no such advice. check now your, uh, daughter, how well, the door is closed. yes, and you have a bunch of keys. well, pick up or knock, there are different things to be the key, continuing your metaphor, the eldest son sergei with whom he has a relationship. maybe, but again, yes, don't count on the fact that you can somehow turn around and fix everything right away. everything, you already have a crisis in the family, a crisis in relations with your daughter. thank god that the son does not have such a crisis of some kind. surely there is. just no

so strong. here, thank god. well, uh in this crisis. live now say, strive out of it. so here's a click of a finger to take and exit. it will not cool down or that the children and that, as i fear most of all, do not. you are not afraid of this. you are afraid of your illusions that this is not possible and you will lose them. you are afraid that when you, as you say, assess them in your feelings, this connection will be destroyed, because now it is destroyed by these kilometers between you and your mother-in-law, which means she throws herself at you with her fists. yes, crazy, lord but nonetheless. yes, you are afraid that as soon as your emotions change, and you will lose your children. well, you can't lose them, first of all, because the bond is between parents and children. she is inexhaustible. yes, it can become thinner, but it quickly grows meat, and you do not want this. i'm fine with what i say, which means i stay feeling

natural. thank you young, handsome , there is some other. with what kind of child and suddenly i will give more of this love to this child, and there are completely feelings cool down, and i'm afraid of it. why dont know? i don't know, because you think it's bad. you can't let it happen like that. and this can be allowed, this is not good and not bad, and you see the feeling, this is such a thing, and they can cool down, and then they can be heated up again. if you want, wait more than sons. and why do you think that the appearance of a third child in your life somehow understands the love that when you said above, that when you write to her, she answers in such a monosyllabic way or says, don’t touch me in my sleep. i'm going to sleep sleep sleep. and now i really apologize. i have something in my life and a woman of a child will appear, i really hope, i will give this child everything that i now want to give here. children to whoever needs. this explains - i will stop writing there, in general and in general there will be complete silence.

well, listen, you say that as if you are not here, that there are only your feelings that control you. rational person you, too, probably want something, right? of course, if you don't want leave your children, but never leave. well if let's imagine the situation. your relationship with a man will simply disappear. not because you wanted it, but because the daughter herself, her mother, her grandmother did everything to destroy your relationship. this has already happened. and what? scary to imagine. i'm probably still lying about it. no. it certainly won't die. and who will die? maybe i'm something there inside some of my spiritual. i'm here, maybe you will break some kind of cruel cold and everything else. i don't i know, just what's going to happen, you know? well, first of all, you can see what happens. secondly, i once again insist on my phrase. what you can control, what you

don’t know, their tail runs from the fox of the forest, their tail dangles there, yes, that’s emotions. here i am not. you can control your emotions, if you don't want to leave your daughter, don't, but it's just not up to you. and your connections can shed here. it's ok. life is so undulating more less brighter dimmer warmer, colder. so what? let's imagine. what could be some other happy moment, only not in the past, but in your very near future with your daughters. and what is it with me? with regards to travel , constantly somewhere here in such cities, which, as i say, would take for example, on a business trip with me quite right. yes, on a business trip. where is veliky novgorod in general in those cities that are very, very such, they are colorful , all the beautiful old cities there. how much do you give your daughter money when

it’s different, like i have some amount there is. but i can send it. well, how much to send? well, 700 rubles. 1.000 rub. this is a month exactly this it was very rare. yes, i will immediately say before that, because as much as i asked no. and so, well, here is the son of 200 rubles. i just send her 10, for example, i asked for 500 there, he sent it there, damn it, he writes unexpectedly. writes every time. it unexpectedly advise to become. no, wait for the elements, so the relationship we agreed that yes, she sends me from the apartment from all over. and i am this apartment, that is, you left everything and would speak out, so that you do not claim anything jointly acquired and this, as it were, extinguishes the element. well , i think that's pretty fair. well, this is not fair, because as a result, cases in at least in my practice, when several years pass there, but, and the husband is presented

as a result, the gift of documents, unfortunately, agreed to do it now, most likely, i think so that advisers who are already against any documents. we do not sign anything will. you are living in peace now. live this situation pours water on your mother-in-law's mill. here he is without a child in words, from whom you can’t take anything. and that's it. well, if you have a white salary from you, they will take more, i assure you, and you are the first about it. tell me my advice to you. remember yourself. what were you like 10 years ago? here is strong. such an energetic man who earns money, who probably enjoyed great respect in his environment. yes, you knew you were so authoritative with you greeted on the street. yes, it was a pleasure to be your wife. your mother-in-law, probably more than once

emphasized who to take from her miss that state very much, so i'm trying to achieve the same. so, maybe it’s good now that mikhail is so focused on work, maybe he needs to build his life, strive, where and where there is an opportunity, achieve, where you are not interfered with. yes, daughter yes teenager yes dangerous. yes , i'm sorry, i'm the father of two teenage daughters . well, not everything is in our power. not everything is in our power. you see where you can break through, that is, the wall. stop stronger more successfully think about your future. think about your relationship. think about your health, but if you are not asked. well well, what do you run on daughters? and you know, it’s also sometimes useful not to think about practice, not to think about the steps that you will take tonight tomorrow

morning, but think about the result. here i give you this homework. come up with