and it turns out that my mother works three jobs to pay me to go there, i felt so sorry, mother. did you hear that from your sister? did you hear it from your mother or from someone else? well, i was at home, i remember. and well , one of the relatives? yes, someone said it to you. maybe someone just said , that is, i found out, it was by accident, or maybe, my mother and her friends said that she was lying, that she needed to pay for the garden for the next month for the child. or maybe there was nothing or something else. mom always worked. there, she worked at two schools, took tutoring and also mopped floors. that is today. i think the lord is working so hard that i would go to the kindergarten later, i can not go. just got more rest. and that's

what i thought, baby. such a thought, such an idea, usually forms in the child an attitude with which he then goes through life for a long, long time, and this idea is that i can’t just be, i must somehow justify my existence. it ’s as if i’m taking a slightly out of place here, if i occupy it, then it seems to create some awkwardness for other people, and then we start to create some additional value, and we try to adapt to other people. it looks like this is what you did. also, your exit, well, let's call it marriage is very similar to an attempt to relieve the burden on these people. well, now i got married and you don’t have to worry about me anymore, you didn’t have to worry anymore. and of course, then it is very scary

for them to admit that your choice was wrong. what are you thinking right now or what? do you feel now? as they say in the eyes? unpleasant, right? that it's all my fault. i didn't say that. i seem to be watching so you don't hear. you perceive all this through a prism. again, i'm to blame. there is no guilt here. there is no fault here. to face the truth is to get the opportunity to take responsibility the only thing, but a form of life in which not a psychopath, not an abuser, not a tyrant is not able, and with you to use their methods. this form of life is called responsibility. you see,

after all, and the victim of a tyrant or an abuser always has hope for a fairy tale, the hope that he will change, and everything will be fine, the hope that now i will change a little, and he will definitely become better. he will love me there more, better love differently, but this hope takes away your strength. the strength is always the hopelessness the strength is always in your decision that no matter where you are, you are able to change your life. and most importantly, you are old enough to not live up to your mom's or your sister's investment. now you can definitely just be. and it's not sentimental. feeling guilt is what got you there. further, if you continue to look like this. but

now you have this very life of yours, with which you are free to do, taking responsibility for it. they share with someone the freedom to do whatever they want with her. mexico happens. and never give up world championships in norway minks will vomit due to simple muscle pain to dig their talent against you. they fielded dyumin you must win.

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the walls of blood vessels of angionorm, keep the vessels normal, the contribution of the best percentage in sberbank is a reliable investment. let's make repairs, make repairs more profitable to do on credit, take it from the shore. let's not do anything. let's arrange a family. sabantuy will be something to remember justice. so tell me, where is the rush? let them lie to themselves and lie correctly, open a deposit in sberbank, save up, and everything will be fine deposit the best interest in sberbank with a rate of up to 9.5% per annum with you we are psychologist sergey on ourselves and psychologist psychotherapist tatyana krasnovskaya. today we have guests olga and we are listening to her story so that you can now say a little more clearly. tell me the same story, but like you're telling some funny story? accordingly, she met an arab

prince, went and looked, she did not like it, she returned. when, let 's say, we met, i moved there and at the first meeting there were situations when i didn’t like something, when i was painfully unpleasant. then at that moment i had friends, yes, and i would have gone to the girls. and let's say i would have found a job, i would have started working somewhere to earn money myself. i would, regardless. maybe i met someone else. maybe there were some possibilities. yes, that's what to say to go somewhere to fly somewhere. i suggest you not subjunctive this story to rethink me the subjunctive, as it would be . i suggest you look at it. and what it was, but from a slightly different

angle. i was in my early 30s so i decided to taste it. what is truly oriental tale? i found myself an arab prince. i went and uh, passion married him in the desert on the road, and then we began to live there do not know dubai as a result. i realized that this is not mine. i turned around and left. this is a completely different story. and then this story is integrated into your consciousness. as your experience, there is no person who is to blame for everything and there is no you who is to blame for everything. because an attempt to shift this responsibility onto him. this suggests that you are not able to bear your own responsibility. i know a dramatic story much more interesting for girlfriends and for most psychologists. it will be much more interesting, but these are exactly the elements 2 3

elements that we have noticed now. er, changing you, when i asked you to talk about history, to when i asked you to feel what is happening to you at this moment. and when you said that you face the truth. that's the elements of growing up. any other form of arabic script will only exacerbate the patterns. your childish attitude. and make you. well, as if they are not capable of relationships. but sitting in front of me an adult beautiful woman, and who, in general, has her whole life ahead of her. all that matters is just unwind and see. it's different. it can be assumed that this position is where you are not a victim, he is not an abuser. and in general, the circumstances have developed. otherwise, as you wish. she seems to

make this position make you more confident and stronger, and makes you a directly strong woman. what about your relationship now? not with him at all with other men not yet. they don't exist because you don't build them, man. around do you want to eat? there were attempts. yes, but when it's all for some reason, even hello where are you perceived by me like that, that is, everything seemed to me. he controls everything, like control, of course. it seems to me that it all starts right away, i immediately cut it off. that is , either you know, or everything, or you know nothing, i 'll tell you, i will reveal such a secret, when many years ago sms messages were paid. well, they are now paid, but then there were no

alternative forms. ah, cellular companies made most of their money on text messages. hi where are you? all people are in control friend. the question is not who controls you, the question is, but lie down. are you called under this control or not? you can quite calmly give this control, you can take this control back, and you need to observe this boundary that you set in these relations. yes, you need to distance yourself. it is important for you now to take responsibility for what you can take? well, for example, there is work, your activity, your creativity, your health, if you want to do business conditionally. yes, but you understand, that's my responsibility for her. i will never give it to anyone

, then it will become a support for you in any relationship. when you build a bridge based on another person, you are doomed to failure, because no one is going to hold anything on the other side. and so the bridge is always from oneself to oneself, just from oneself today to oneself in a year, let's say. for me, this story is still, probably, a little bit about permission, or what ? yes, right in the first place, you should probably allow yourself to take your place in your chair. allow yourself to be and then if you have will appear, indeed. the solution is a desire to build relationships, that is, those there in this very authorship. i just eat it is very important. thank you very much for leaving. here is

how you evaluate these few minutes of our conversation for yourself. thank you for dedicating this area, which i did not think at all. i thought the reason was in the other, or in me that i was not either in him, but it turns out that i ran it from myself. may i ask you at the end? oh what kind of relationship would you like later when you already want a relationship, what kind of relationship you want, after all, mutual understanding for us and , well, support for each other from communication, complementing each other in some way. yes, i really wanted to eat. now i will train to be, then i will train to want. that's

right. what does the ideal man look like, in your opinion, here is your man who will be ideal for you. eh woman, it's usually a long list. i can shorten it the ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and doesn't exist. i would like to remove. come on, what is it man in your opinion. loving faithful such happens. purposeful, so that he has self-realization, beloved girl, yes , self-actualized, so that he is interesting. educated will you be interesting? what

will you do to be interesting to such a man? it is not with him to learn the world, to discover some new cultures, how the world lives so different. this is very educative and expands the worldview. i wanted to ask, by the way, in what language did you communicate with that young man. english and a little bit of arabic, you know english, yes, i learned arabic, i can understand something , what they are saying, well, it’s time to say words, after all

, it’s quite difficult, yes, and the language barrier is difficult to sort things out difficult to show a sense of emotion. yes, that is something to prove some kind of emotional point of view. you understand that you were hitting some kind of wall, that is, it turns out. this is the wall and emotions are coming back. here, as it were, like this. and what did you do then okay, everything, it was very difficult to reach out and say in russian sometimes yes it is difficult to explain to a person so that he understands, what do you feel, and when in english or there is english arabic, then this, of course, this is just like you know, such a main problem for almost all multilingual families. on the one hand, this makes the family easier, because people think, well, it’s better to remain silent than scandal.

yes, because otherwise it will not cause all this and it is important, but at the same time it often just leads to the fact that we suppress our own emotions, which, well, are actually directed inward, become auto-aggressive and destroy us and this is straight, how important if you will build relationships in the future with a mexican who will speak, respectively, in spanish, then i don’t know how to learn spanish well at first , but at the same time, you know everything, huh? now you are talking, and i just have such a kind of recommendation for you, in fact , you can continue to study the arabic language and arabic culture in order to understand the beauty and historicity and fundamental nature of these laws, and not evaluate them following the example of that fool which a misunderstood them and completely wrong for you, but it will definitely make you very interesting.

super thank you thank you. and can i ask the last question, and so i really count on an honest answer. how are you? do you think you feel? ah, you are the way you are, perhaps to love. i think i'm so nasty, i don't have a simple character. and what about you, but it seems to me that there is still such a person who yes can. and what do you go with? what will you do? do you have any plan, how will you? to deal with this, something has become clearer, probably, you should love yourself for who you are. first of all, bing just like that, thank you thank you very much. thank you

for such an honest conversation. it was a podcast triggers. we were with you sergey on ourselves at tatyana krasnovskaya psychology and today we sorted out the story of olga and her problems. hello this is a podcast of a free program by yamaksim tronkov and today we have a special guest as our guest, we all know that these are tutberidze regions, he very rarely gives interviews, but believe me. there is another person who gives them even less often, this is the honored coach of russia sergey viktorovich dudakov. i greet you, maxim, i am always glad to see you. see. sergey why such an unspoken title has been assigned to you as the most mysterious person in figure skating,

for some reason you rarely give interviews , because you are more a man of action than a word most likely to work such a big comprehensive. i hope the interview, well, first of all. we have known each other for a long time. i think this will make our conversation easier. no need to be so nervous. i know it's stressful for you. here but i hope that i will help you to pass this stress easily. let's start from childhood. who brought you to the skating rink figure skating appeared in my life. well , i think that, probably, like all the guys. and who means started playing sports. this, of course, is my parents mom and dad, that is, he was probably 75 years old, the month of december is winter, why they are hockey, but i don’t know, probably, after all, probably, my mother was stronger. mom had stronger arguments,

probably. that was very fashionable that figure skating was a period. here they gave it. me figure skating. here, uh, everyone from the sixth year later , somewhere in the month of may, there is six months. later while grigorievna was curling up, he was recruiting a group of children for primary cooking. that is, you get almost all your life rolled. at kudryavtsev i would have given it to the end. yes, listen, you had success, uh, in juniors and so on, but you can’t say that you never became a superstar there, like an adult. yes, but as an adult, it’s rather average, that is, there the sixth seventh place was won by the ussr championship in the eighty-fourth year. i was one year old. oh looked interested in figurines. i think even then i suspected that we would someday get to know this redhead guy. and then, back in my junior period, i sort of went to the world championships

in 1986, got into the national team as number three, and off we went. we are the world championship. and why didn’t you overcome this threshold of the junior team? oh yes, i sort of analyzed this time. well, i guess now i'm like, probably, like a coach. yes, i can say that there was probably not enough internal discipline, assertion of patience. yes, where did you burn out? yes, most likely there, and you never regretted that it was gone. i think that we are all when, well, we look back , what happened to us, of course, we draw conclusions and for sure, probably, yes, something at this moment, i would have done differently. here, maybe i paid more attention to this point. yes, of course, yes, that is, he realized himself in his students. and this is already a thousand times multiple, so i think that well, there is still something satisfaction. no, a always wants to move forward.

well, it's not just my students. these are our common students. this is the reaction of daniil markovich well, and when did you decide that sports are over. i'm moving on. and in the ninety-first year , such a decision came and an understanding that yes, the time was already difficult. no, and that's how things were going for me in sports, because i realized that i could count on getting into the national team. yes, that is, the first three places, to participate in the european championships in the championships. mira that is, i have, well, the first three. and so let's remember the good moment urmanov yes urmanov alex tatarov dimka gromov all coaches now yes, yes, you did not immediately become a coach, right? no, uh, well, the next question is, yes, what to do?

and i thought that it was necessary for the mind to know how to ride, but i was 21 years old, and that is, 21 years old already , yes, the decision came that yes, more, well, no matter how seriously i can’t then i need to move on something, i decided to try it, an invitation came. yes, that is, he worked in england for two years then in germany for 3 years and now you look, you are, let's say, from perestroika russia yes, you are a soviet child from perestroika russia moved to nowhere there , as a conglo-saxon, to england yes, to foggy albion there it seems to me that it doesn’t matter had some kind of contrast to be or you have already traveled as an athlete quite a lot and as an athlete on traveled and well, contrast, a word is not. that is, that, probably, first of all there was a contrast - this is probably the contract system, because all your actions are spelled out in contraction, that is, for a russian person. this, of course, here was. well, yes, yes, yes, it was a curiosity that

some kind of responsibility, of course, yes, you were late for the rehearsal, that is, you will pay the story right away, like you. how did you get your first foreign car, which in russia i know this story, so i would like what i told. well, who stole or not? here you can tell about it. and it was the first foreign car. yes, we worked one season in england. well , as if it was always a dream, but the fact is that i have the right, but i did not know how to drive a car at all. i just knew the theory. and so we flew to germany to pick up our cars, which we had already bought. here we flew to vova, that is, i did not see it live. you bought somehow without looking, yes, yes, well, they said which one what year is the mileage? yes, this suits me. we all flew. we took our cars. and so we sat down and went to moscow, i don’t know how

to drive. i got to moscow well done guys. the mechanics pinched me. well, this period of your life is also over for you. you knew right away. that's even when you may have gone to the show, that you will come to coaching, what have you not thought about yet? there was also a ship. yes, this is the final step. the work of my shows and how it is very strange for me, but one moment that you enter the ship, and it turns out you live there, in cabin. i don't know 2x2 cruise ship is huge. yes, you are not everywhere, you can walk, because you are. well, one way or another, serving certain personnel. yes hmm or what not? there is a permit there is a permit, that is, uh, and from the so-called kast. yes, this ice show has the status of officers. uh-huh, and in principle, we kind of could go to a bar, you could go, you could or it was separate. listen, and that's how it turns out for you for half a year you were in swimming or a contract for half a year, yes, 2 weeks

of staging periods of rehearsal and half a year contract and it was interesting, yes, you go to in the caribbean you go by ship. yes , we know that they certainly swim, and everything was interesting, that is, new islands. each cruise is a new island. that is, the caribbean basses are very exotic places, very very beautiful, beautiful sea, perfect clear water, that is, the ship has a draft of 9 m in the port, you see? well, you see, it's resa some kind of small insider then just from me. i know that you are afraid of flying on a plane. well, let's say a phobia that you cope with, but nonetheless. you you don't feel very comfortable. well , i can say that this year, that is, i fly much better on a ship, then it’s generally calm, generally calm, that is, without any worries, calmly. i love water. i'm more

afraid of water than seriously. yes, the plane is not generally calm. but do you go to the sea or in the pool? well, it's always the same somehow on its own, which means we understand each other and why you decided to return from this beauty from this paradise. here, in cold moscow, there is also such a perestroika post in moscow. well, you understand maxim well, there always comes a time to make a decision. that is, well, he said that's enough, then it was very fashionable to leave and stay. i realized that not mine is not mine. yes? it's cool. yes, it's interesting, like there the first two weeks, and then it somehow becomes boring , somehow dreary. and home home wanted to go home, right? seriously. i missed the contract all the time. i missed home all the time, that is, after the contract you return to moscow, make a decision that you stay in moscow and go where crystal immediately crystal crystal stalls stalls, this

was before the show. tell me, come on, well, i tried, well, not really, that is, you tried yourself in business right after that, it didn’t work out. yes, not mine, and what was that business, but an ordinary tent at the station, and what did he trade? and what did you swim in the tents , remember? well, snickers think, yes, chocolate bars kukuruku lemonade yershikov's sweetness. how many years has this been done in khrustalny? so wait, i had a break. uh, in 2.000 the second year. yes, i just came secret, i had health groups. these are kids from scratch who make the first steps on ice. there, at the age of 4-5 years , do you remember your first salary? well, of course, what, well, having finished riding in the show, it was a big

difference in the mountains. yes, and you never regretted that you took off, let's say, the skates in which you are well, because the time has come already, as if coaching. the fact is that it's already 31 years old and how long it can go on. i won’t ride all my life, and it looks like, let’s say they come on equal systems at 18-19 years old. yes, you understand, so it would be better to leave in time. and you know that we will soon pass tournament. show programs did not think to apply no, and you're such a joke. i am a person under it , you will be how to find out you will participate, i don’t even know. i think that they will put me in the hospital earlier. okay, lyrical clutch is also stressful. you have a situation for you. yes? well , yes, i’m more of a realist and a pessimist, which is why

it’s difficult. and where did we stop, were the tents? in general, we will not cut it. it's great. yes? okay, why? i reveal in general as a person who, damn it, is just great, and how they have sleeves that are rubbed in abortive for life. well, that's what's happening now. well, this is now how much he has done before, and also every batter, as it were, but returning to the crystal. yes, you have small children. children and you never had. that's boring with them to take into account the steps of both the teacher and the coaches. yes? that is, i was wondering, of course, then a year passed. children grow up and improve somewhere, because how many there felt that you were succeeding, and it can be seen that the children are progressing. yes, that is, here we are they are not flipping now i look, they went, oh they are already going o have already learned how to hook up. here there are the first triple turns, roller triples. there are threes

forward, inside the changeover appeared rotation appeared, you see what yes, it seems, as if it were not bad and it turns out. but basically there are always three groups on the ice, that is, three coaches and you watch. and how are things there? are they? yeah here? how about mine? that is, you compare and you compete in absentia. yes, there is a little bit like that, but the moment and you look it turns out. and why not try further, and what is the hardest thing to teach? here you go for me, in general, i’m just telling you honestly why i’m just afraid of this like fire, because i don’t know how to teach very young children at all. here are the first steps. and here's what was the hardest thing for you. well , firstly, 10 already three mountain skiing, after all, these are the first steps, when they absorb, they absorb it with their eyes. that is, they must understand, visually see it. that is, you must show, yes, then i was still young and still moving and not visually like now. yes step by step.

let's try it doesn't work. fine let's go on the spot, try it once and it starts to work out. that is, some special technique. you didn't use you don't. these were my first steps and feelings. yes, that is, well, probably, after all, he was repelled by the fact that when he himself studied, when marina grigoryevna explained, when viktor nikolayevich says something, what do you think, that's in modern figure skating. what time do parents bring their kids to the skating rink? now is the optimal age, because 4 years, probably 4 years. but that is, there are some three years of children amazingly, as if developed, yes, that is, they understand. they are talking to the coach. they move well, that is, well , everything is relative, that is, individually, of course.