for a long distance yes, there is a sprint distance and a sprint distance. eh, it requires such a direct return. here's to the last. yes, it will lay out straight, and then fall. here, it's clear. and actually, i love writing so much. there is some truth in every single thing. yes it is indeed. uh, i think it might be the south russian temperament. let's talk about this too, shall we? for me for me it's uh, it's such a property. i want to see, uh, completed things and, uh, it just lays down to the end in every line i think to myself here to write. here, yes, as an altered state of consciousness. yes, how wonderful, well , it’s dangerous to be in an altered state for a long time. yes , therefore, therefore, i understand, so when i enter there i will write these short things. and do i not often say so, here is mine. uh,

my late friend was close to oleg pavlov with me. uh, wonderful my wonderful, of course, and he told me. listen says, here you turn around. this one is in roman, this is this , this is in some kind of roman. that is, each and every one of these little things, we unfold a novel uh, i told him oleg i went. yes, we 'll go crazy. if i do it, because, well, that's my kind of talent attitude. i remember that one of the poems of the white akhatnaya akhmadulina ends quite so long. so, i have written a poem. just get everything. by the way, this is not something that draws strength and makes you alienate yourself from yourself and, in general, uh, somehow fixes the altered consciousness too much. yes, yes, because, uh, in general, i consider that in general writing. it's such controlled madness controlled because i absolutely agree.

yes, because you have to go between sila and kharib, yes, that is, return, that is, there is no thump there, yes, but still, well, someone, someone has the ability to control this madness, for example, on throughout a long novel. i'm afraid to teach myself a lesson. yes and so, how to go every day for three pages, of course. yes, i'm just afraid to fall into these states, because they really are. well, they are painful and you fall out at all when you write, you would away from family life. i even had such a case when i had my dog, my favorite is such a doberman. dinka, i went to the store with her. uh, tied her up, they wouldn't let her into the store. and at this moment, uh, i realized how i need to build a story there, i ran, and i repent of it. yes, he just left his friend. for example, that's what happened next, so i sat down and described the work and suddenly , at some point, she tumbles through the door. that's right, it broke out. she somehow

got out of the collar and ran and i was there. then he repented, wept and asked his forgiveness. but this is because, uh, because you, when you are in this altered state of consciousness during work, yes, the writer's dog just shocked me, really. eh, it really is, well, fine. now. please tell us how it happened that the books that came out. uh, from the beginning of other countries. you come out in russian. usually this doesn't happen. yes, since the time of ivan sergeevich turgenev, we know that first books are published in the homeland of writers, as they say? then someone concrete or ivan sergeevich turgenev says that this should be brought. here it is necessary to translate me or dostoevsky or goncharov and how did it happen that for the first time this was published in russian in such a composition? yes, and it is already known to some readers. tell yourself. well, uh, yes that's what's in this book now that's known to italian french readers. they need to tell eh it's real. here, uh, how

the writer has e nu, as if the nature of his description. yes, here, which we are talking about, yes , organics and there are some more. uh, recurring notes in fate, which are invariably repeated, because when the first time it happened. i thought it was a miracle, and it was like suddenly a bell rings. so in the middle of the night. it's described here. yes this is our readers understood that this is all the announcement of the book, yes, and such and such some. uh, a completely otherworldly voice with such an accent, he says, you can say that he is such a meowing accent a little bit. i say, yes, it’s me, uh, here and uh, it’s not you, you probably thought , what kind of accounts on the cards have now been reset to them, that i had some, to be honest, so the first thought was that someone have friends. here i say, that's because he is because such cases you understand, there now i am a rich german publisher here these rent your book to pay more. and also

such a meowing voice calls me and says that e and when i hear the name of the publishing house, woland rim i understand that this is an account of this. yes, this is no accident. this is, of course, a gamble. but then it turned out that the very famous such verbose italian mario karamiki also called me. here is the publishing house woland - this is the publishing house daniil disor. it's such professor at the university of rome is very famous. she adores bulgakov, so she means her publishing house, which has been her for many years. yes, she, uh, specifically named waves after bulgakov’s character, and uh, but this meowing accent, as i later found out. this is from the native romans. there is such a thing. yes, they a little aspired to say so about him, and indeed, how they turned out. so uh, reading my stuff published in magazines. here is the publisher sent. so,

here's your agent translator mario karamiki, who looked there some other things of mine, and they themselves offered me a book. and at that time i had these things published separately. it’s just that you are there in different magazines, but it seems to me that the spirit of mystification has not completely disappeared, yes, because in this book there are a lot of situations when it is not clear whether the reality is in front of you or a hoax. i remember such a pre-perestroika story, when one is now deceased. ah, great poet. uh, i played everyone, and he began to call a poet and introduce himself as some kind of again, i will not name any countries to foreign critics, who leave for their hometown. and again, i won’t tell anyone a selection of half a sheet of poems, we will translate it, it cost a lot, and this innocent person sees that some people come to him and bring some half a sheet of selections. e picks. in the end, it all worked out. it's translated. that is, it seems to me

that here is a hoax, this is the most. the main thing, it may be, gogolevskaya i don't know, uh, well, and that here and the very name of the outskirts of babylon is uh, well, a metaphor. clearly refers to the beginning books, and here we are talking about languages ​​for our readers. i speak for you. this is not news , of course, but i was simply fascinated, here we are talking about those languages ​​that were, uh, mixed mixes destroyed, yes, which appeared instead of a common language, yes, yes, which everyone spoke , everyone spoke, understood and erected this tower people. e with his pride he ascended above the lord and so the lord confused the languages ​​​​and languages ​​\u200b\u200bhave appeared. here is the first cycle. here it consists of e. hmm different languages ​​the language of the yon people the language of the zibur people the language of the yagurund people. well, finally, i've got it. here is such a page. i even now sit more comfortably. i will try to pronounce it, but it is unlikely that i

will succeed in the language of the nomadic people from nadbuyu buidovir. how do you get it fast? so you understand what vladislav otrashenko can do. what is the metaphor here? do these languages ​​exist or not? either there is almost or there is a little bit of a real basis, or it's just pure fantasy, on the one hand. it's really a fantasy, but on the other hand, it's something that i 've been going to, to be honest, since, uh, such a very, very early childhood. you know, when a child is at a certain age, four or five years old, when he still doesn't speak well, so to speak, in his native language, but at the same time he starts. uh, gibbering something in some kind of yes, yes, yes, as if saying something in some languages. i have the same thing now, my little daughter. sometimes she just sits and draws and rattles in some kind of incomprehensible language, and on the one hand, this is such a childhood memory. the other side, of course. the cec is a writing

tool and reflection on this tool. it happens all the time constantly. you generally think about this violin, which you play on this instrument. and how will he arrange that the language will arrange to die at the moment of pronunciation , usually the language, but the communicative language. i tell you, for example, give me a book. you give me a book, this phrase is dead. but that in my name to you she will die, like a sad sound, this phrase has frozen for centuries. yes, that is, in artistic language something exactly the opposite happens. yes, i think, so that's when highweiger said in his famous work language, that language is to think will here me. e, here, this is his essence to think, build and love, and when the language becomes e even stronger than the native speakers themselves . uh-huh well, brodsky, they say the same thing that language says a lot. yes, something like that language is smarter than me language, in general, the most mysterious thing that exists, right? my mysterious thing

is i am more of a material thing. i can say more than that, if the darwinian is really right and how would a man come from an ape. well, what i'm not sure about, but then the act of creation consisted in the fact that the lord simply endowed with language. and then there was actually a man. behold but it is the gift of calling adam into a mystery. i miraculously opened it. says tarkovsky adam uh, first uh, name things. i have such a game with students, when we talk about e-futurists there zaum at the baker, we say, let 's imagine that we are with you. well, vladislav, for example, here we are together, there is no one else. we say hmm table table table. well agreed yes, it's a chair. in general, she writes like that, of course, of course, this is a cycle about this, on the one hand, this is here, and she is not alive about this

substances, on the other hand. i wanted to portray all possible languages, the most inconceivable ones, and it starts with a language in which there are only five words, giraffe, drum, eternity, barbed chopping, but he combines this yong people in such a way that he has everything, that is, the lord put them on here in a language that has five words, but they created an epic there, and there are all sorts of songs and verses, even a philosophical tract of such a giraffe for a dotted eternity. i laugh not for the first time, because i love this book very much, but a different language. uh next there, uh means, uh, in which e 800 million words the same amount was real, by the way, i read somewhere in a biblical encyclopedia, that the tower of babel had 800 million bricks. here is another number of bricks. yes, lord, it means that another nation has declared such a language in which there are 800 million words and in this sense it does not matter. fool of a million words in the language yes or

five words. e language is such a powerful entity that it generates meanings, regardless of whether it carries something and the height of intonation. yes, here's an interesting one. do you know robert's story? shetles to the ceiling and a little in the russian translation did not come across. it's about the same. there, you know , the american science fiction writer robert was talking about the classics absolutely included in the speech about the language that changes not over millennia, but over the course of several days. that is, first he forgive me our viewers for the term. first it is nagglutinative, then inflectional , first it has six cases, then three cases. well, that is, first you start playing football, for example, yes, and in the middle of the half it turns out that you can play with your hands, and at the end of the half there is no that the goal is not that you score in the goal, but run away from the given stadium. this is such ease. here's the next question. there is sadness about suffering, in general, in your books. well, uh, what kind of russian writer is here

without suffering and sadness, well, everything is so subtle, why do i say that it comes to mind that sasha sokolov’s parallels are so tanky the line between word and reality between this subject, how is it indicated that sorrow? in general, there can not be any, or still. maybe it's all so fun so sparkling so nice. here. uh, as a matter of fact, uh, this angel of angela's death is hidden there, inside and uh in reality. eh, you see, this is my deep conviction that for the angel of death there is nothing more terrible in the form of a person laughing, because in principle, we should be afraid of this. yes, he must wait for you to fear according to the design of the angel of death. we must constantly e be here in a state of snake. because what awaits us yes and here is a laughing man - this is

a contrast. e. as a matter of fact, this can be fear and death and, uh, i think that he is not such a joker. he doesn't laugh. here, yes, ridicule. this is exactly the laughter that a person inspires and exalts, and under this, all the same, under this thin ice. it's all the same there, it's the abyss, it's a very christian thing, the joy of the spirit. yes, despondency is a mortal sin. yes, you just have to think about what? we will surely grow old and die. why stop living? there is no need to live with this internal tragedy, but vladislav otroshenko manages to somehow melt all this in prose. here is the next cycle, short my favorite is the figure of don nu it's time to say, what is vladislav from the lower don from roshenko, he told the people who have no translations. yes and here, for example, tricky's story, from the beginning i can only say how to pronounce it wrong. you

correct me, near eric. narrow cormorants stands on the kurgan ivan zakharovich. sabun. never leaves the kurgan. many have short arms with long arms. he reaches the ground. he leans on her with his fists and looks, he can only look up and straight down and to the side , the sharp hump on his chest prevents him from moving at the head. and if some driver does not put a coin in his hand, he drives along the narrow asphalt road past kurgan towards the don at the ferry crossing, then the sabun is loud, howls it is heard well on both banks of the river, so it's the wind, or something, yes, it turns out that what kind of creature is this? uh conductor controller, what kind of sabun? e on the don leads the crossing here and there, by the way. uh, you know how it happened that all these figures of the house are on the same side. they look absolutely mythological such phantosmogorical. that's but summer uh, it's like everything that we write here is everything. everything has

some kind of real basis, which, in childhood, in dreams, anywhere. that is , uh, uh, it's just like that. it doesn't come. nothing , yes. so, these figures are very strange , including, especially this sabun. where this one was born, when i was little, well , my parents gave birth to me very early. they were young. eh, there my mother was 18 years old, my father was 20. so, uh, respectively, it means that when i grew up a little they threw me off, so my grandmothers grandpa and grandparents were also young there for 40 years. yes, i had nowhere to go and my grandfather. he was a shipping agent. there he was engaged in obtaining, in some places, all sorts of spare parts for some large car depot. and we drove around the lower house in a car with him. he just took me instead of leaving me somewhere to go, i went with him. and that's when you initially go to cherkasskaya's house. there is such a page of bessergika, go down. and there is this ereg e bakla. and the true place of the figures there is also such a sabon,

these are not there, and there stood a very strange such a grandfather who, uh, put a makeshift barrier. he hung his conductor's bag around his neck. he really was collecting tribute and who put him there? why did he collect the letter, exactly 50 kopecks were needed. give wholly. and if they didn’t give him money, they drove through somehow breaking the barrier. he just cursed there, poured some, and these figures are in fact. i have had. here are some of the semi-real, semi-fantastic e, there is a key to everything, either reality or fantasy. this is vladislav otrashenko. well now, as usual, in the middle of our conversation we insert a rubric. this is a book that at one time everyone was very eager to get, as they said then, this is a book from the poet's library series and knowledgeable people will understand that this is the first series of the poet's library, because

there is such a corrugated spine with protruding letters. this is stepan petrovich shevyrev, but the face. uh, very famous. very controversial figure - this is a moscow professor, this is a slavophile. this is a publisher. the closest comrade is mikhail petrovich pogodina, but absolutely not all of them. eh, they understood and understand that this is a very great russian poet. so strange, happens in life. uh, poetic reputations are sometimes built by the forces of chance. they tell me the guns are not tyutchev, but still, very many people perceive it. and shevyreva, as for this eighth row, he is the eighth, this is a wonderful russian poet. in recent years, they began to publish it, but remained to collect it. lady nu and thanks to this, this book has become more accessible. it's not that expensive, but it's not about its cost. but the fact is that my favorite thought is that books talk to us with the very presence. i literally read a couple lines, when nature is silent and

your noisy tongue dozes, then in my soul i hear freedom. it has an invocation. the click is more alive, the heart is pleasure and the thought is sublime light, as if the soul from the body into the world of transfiguration, passed it embraced delight calm and free songs flow more vividly like a river of sonorous harmonious holy silence of nights. when you cast off the dark veil of the virgin shadow and thunder the living word of the bright, the day will light up, then worries bother and drive the work of the soul to peace and songs. my heart is silent when i hear a voice your tyutchev idea, the day with its noise disperses the metaphysics of the soul, my god, how amazingly it was said by stepan petrovich

shevyryov during the life of pushkin, with whom he was in correspondence and sometimes in conflicts. well, let's go back to the present day and talk about one more side of your work. and you are a person who is addicted and, uh, striving to get to the bottom of the truth. yes, i'm not saying that you are a detective or an investigator, but the plot that you took on is just, well, the canonical touchstone for everyone who is russian literature thinks, well, there are such enchanted plots of the secret pushkin's diaries that are a couple, literature and nonsense hoax, but there is a crime that has been attributed to a huge russian dramatist. alexander vasilyevich sukhovo-kobylin, and now this book will be published soon, and now you take this investigation into account. how did it all work out? and what did alexander vasilievich sukhov kobylin manage to find out there, not

only a playwright, but also a tormentor philosopher , the creator of such a hegelian philosophical system in the russian way. yes, that's what you uh, attracted here, was there a murder? uh, the murder was uh, totally brutal. remind us the rules or forget everything , french magistrate, with whom sukhovo was like a young, brilliant man, rich, in general, as an oligarch would say now, because he has 10,000 peasant souls there. uh, the rich are the descendants of the boyar. andrey mares, there from the time of ivan kalita so this is such a boyar family, such a mighty one. and now he is a young man who graduated from the university and is traveling to paris to get acquainted with louise simon demonsh, after some time there she comes to him in moscow, uh, they live. well, he could not marry her, because the emperor. well, she's a

french woman. but they have love for 8 years, they live and, uh, 8 years later, when he has a new love story, known for being very happy with such a naryshkin born to noring, when she was, that is, uh, a socialite, so suddenly, when she is in her third month of pregnancy - this is a socialite, naryshkina, here louise simon shows her finds brutally, killed on the khabib field, and all her rings are diamonds. nobody took anything. robbery excludes rape too, except for more medical investigations that the police did there, uh, and uh, they find him in the outhouse, there was probably no blood. no, it was not. there would be nothing. there would be at that time. medicine, uh, science could determine whose blood is this? yes, it's so simple. yes , human blood is blood. what time does it refer to? but then when the zakrevsk governor-general of moscow sent these boards with this blood plaster sent

forever gone. that is, we are in front of a mystery that cannot be literally told , it cannot be unraveled. yes, the case remained a murder unsolved, uh, 7 years of investigation, and, of course, i understand the punishment in this, but in some way, yes, krichinsky was in prison on precisely the polypakh prison in the resurrection gate. he was sitting there writing papers on official places. it means that this wedding was written with official ink, the reason, which is now being launched, that this did not happen and a person of this kind of tribe. uh, hurt uh, very and on the one hand in this story, there is beauty. he's the barin she's such a rootless international foreigner socialite murderer. an illegitimate child, that is, i even think that this is poor lisa turned face in a sense, this is herself. life wrote. this novel. everything is broken. liza only poor liza threw herself into the pond of the simonov monastery and caused the sea to rise. there's a horrific

violent murder here. and e. me, of course, uh in this story why she does not give me until they i have been for many years. that's what i'm doing in this story, of course, the simple and tragic pushkin question haunts me. compatibility of genius and villainy. this is the pushkin question. uh, which uh, in general, uh, has been haunting our history ever since pushkin left him. this tale of the wanton crowd was not the killers of the creators of the vatican this is the last line just a little bit. i dud and here is mozart salie. yes , this is the most burning no for me, because alexander vasilyevich killed or didn’t kill it is decided. you see, this is a question this is more than the fate of one person. this is the destiny of the nation. this is destiny, the whole world. this is the fate of good and evil - it's in this fate in this fate that all this came together, and therefore i, uh, want to understand this, and i tried

to understand this in this book. i brought everything there. eh, all possible options. uh, how would uh resolve this case and uh, after all, what were you investigating? you kind of contradict yourself. yes, i'm asking you provocatively. eh, on the one hand. you say that the main problem is not in faces. yes, like a portfolio of petrovich said raskolnikov yes, the main thing is the compatibility of good and evil, and this new time is the hero of nikolai karamzin's story poor liza does not just leave the rich poor. that then the pond rushes. this is also not very good, but still does not wear such a shade of horror and violence, after all, what was the main thing that the investigators tried to penetrate the personality. with alexander vasilyevich after all, it was also right? yes, i now understand, he considers himself innocent, he justifies himself. all his work is an apology now, unfortunately, yes, or fortunately, maybe yes, because this is a riddle given to us by history itself

to understand, it is possible only through his personality whether he killed or not killed, because the materials of the case, they turned out to be mutually sharp, the tsar closed this case by his decree. he understood what was going on. there were bribes there, that is, when they realized that they were a snowball there, when they realized one crime, whether it was or not, the second question, but gave rise to others, of course, when i fell into such a fat piece in the hands of these traces, and they started with him about mothers famous person. he. uh, he gave bribes. he gave that he gave a bribe of 30,000 rubles. silver. uh, among the gagatskaya, this order to the prosecutor is uber, the prosecutor, swans him, he gave 50,000 rubles. take custody. close the case. yes , only yes. is it a criminal who cowardly hid or was it a boorish person so fight for the truth. it’s also here to understand what,

what, what actually happened that night on 807.07.08 november 850. and you can, of course, through his personality. now his personality is becoming the most important thing for understanding, because now, to understand what it is was for the person, and whether he could kill or not. uh, now you can only penetrate into his soul and fate, but he has such a family. i worked out a lot. e his sister, but unknown. e. hmm evgeny tour yes, yes, yes, yes countess salias, yes the world that the sky wrote under itself. uh, evgenia artur and whose sister is another who hmm loved nikolai ivanovich nadezhdin. the russian critic of the beautiful priest's son, who became a university professor, was discharged from the class of the spiritual e did not miss. in naturally, in some privileged the circles of this marriage could not be, that is, it is

such a very snobbish environment. why did he have to kill? strictly speaking, the fact is that alexander vasilyevich was a dryly lukaburin man, unusually quick-tempered, as if he beat the serfs from his own hands. and just like that sister you mentioned, who wanted to marry nikolai ivanovich , so he said that i would put a bullet in his forehead by the seminarians. popovich hope. damn uh, not a couple of young imperial university nobles, by the way, huh? yes, he has it, by the way, alexander vasilyevich studied and passed exams for him. what a rootless professor this is , some kind of paraffis would mean too much to lay claim to my hand, which means it could just be fury for a second, yes. to be rage then, of course, naryshkina's pregnancy, which in the end she later ran away from the investigation. here's a consequence missed. this also seems to confirm. yes version. yes, firstly, naryshkina is her pregnancy.

secondly, the temper of alexander sergeevich and thirdly, of course, what is necessary for a child to be legal. it is too very strict legislation. yes, it also happened with tyutchev that there was a law from children sealed only there after many, many years. she was already an adult. this is a whole story, let's remember feta e, who was conceived in another marriage, of course, the situation, so here, of course, from the point of view. well, so, if we talk about, did alexander vasilyevich have reasons to kill, and yes, they were, and they would have been, plus an incredible simple song, which he then, of course, towards the end of his life, and he softened. he himself is a provocative question. we are different it would be if it were not for all this, the philosophical system, i would be sure, but the dramaturgy is the one that we know here is this trilogy of dramatic subjects. it seems to me that it wasn’t either, because he, in fact, then, when

he was already an old man, he spoke as a journalist for very long centuries, yes, yes, he told him, uh, i - says, i don’t know how i could write this comedy wedding. you are a krichinskaya standing under the threat of 25 years of hard labor and the demand for a bribe of 50,000. so how could i write, but i know that i wrote an example. yes you knew from what quarrel do poems grow? well we know exactly what happened on november 7th on november 8th news or in another year. here's what happened, er, in 1850, we'll never know. well, uh, this is another side of the temperament of vladislav otroshenko southern fiery furious very kind, which we met. well, i think that, of course, we are with you again. let's talk, because i'm sure that there will be such wonderful small -sized and very diverse books filled with various meanings. thank you very much vladislav for today's conversation,

see you on air. goodbye. and thanks. as always, i say, and read my magic phrase to our viewers with pleasure. thanks this is a podcast triggers, and with you again today we are sergei on ourselves and tatyana krasnovskaya psychology. hello and today in our studio marina tell us how you came to us , i literally had such a request. i recently realized that i am not aware of my femininity. what is it about the fact that i am a manager and i have such a more masculine

character and how would my position obliges. all the same, behave like this and lately i have been trying to see in myself a woman, only a woman who i will like, what should be there. and that's what literally recently, i hmm realized that i'm chasing, for some kind of some kind of pattern of this femininity, a generally accepted pattern. it must be some kind of vanilla femininity there, yes, there is a vanilla woman, there mimimi there, i don’t know, i hate it. i realized that it's not about me, but i'm chasing after it, but it's not about me at all and well, that's just one little man literally there a few days ago the girl told me, she says, i like your femininity so much. she is special for you, she is different for you, and i realized that i mean her, i don’t see her. well, that is, i don’t understand what kind of mine it is and i’m chasing some kind of template. here is a request that i want to consider

her. and apparently i don’t accept it, as far as i understand from myself again, if for some reason i’m chasing this vanilla, according to your control, as a result of the fact that your masculine character warehouse or still you have a masculine character warehouse, because you control. good question. i think one follows from the other. i have been on my own since childhood. since childhood, i have not been involved, almost my parents. that is, i have always been left to my own devices, even somewhere right from childhood, they delegate some duties to me that, in principle, do not suit a child. yeah, well, i mean at that point, uh, so i think it's probably the one i've always been in charge of. i had to be responsible. i have always been the eldest, as it were, well, respectively, in the course of my management. then how would the logic be different it lines up a little, because you started with the fact that i am a manager, and therefore i have a masculine character. now it's

turning around a bit. and as a result , it is revised, because, well, we need, of course, to detect some determinism, but elements of the psyche. uh, somewhere the dominance of the events of your last year so that we can understand, so to speak, where it all could have begun and started, and you have younger brothers, sisters , younger brother eight years younger. yes, i'm now 442 years old, in fact, have grown from us parents. yes, this period, what you remember about it, i practically don’t remember, but this period. some kind of small flashes there, some kind of new year there, i don’t know, some people went there to visit. well, here's something like that, i'm just like myself. that's what i remember, just the same, when i started to remember better, when my brother appeared. i abruptly became an older older adult. that's

it, i've been here for 8 years. i was already an adult. yes, i don't remember. even that, yes, what you are not wrong. let's. here we are visiting. i'm mom dad. yes, how old are you at this moment, who are you went to visit what is happening right in the present tense. describe friends of my parents, very good friends. there was a certain company there, there were just three or four families, i don’t remember exactly, and we constantly, if we gathered for some holidays, events, especially for the new year. for some reason, i remember exactly the new year, then it was just me, but these families. we were children, i was, well, a girl and another boy, who is older than me, everything that i remember myself, adults are sitting at the table. they somehow communicate on their own topics there, who are in one room, who's in the kitchen here smoking something else there, you feel somehow in your own hand, why? well, i want to say some kind of my own mirok. that is, i do not belong to them.