i've been an older adult for 8 years now. i was already an adult, yes, i don’t remember before that. well let's go today. yes, what you are not. let's. here we are visiting. i'm mom dad. yes, how old are you at this moment, whom did you go to visit, what is happening right in the present tense. describe friends of my parents, very good friends. there was a certain company there, there were just three or four families, i don’t remember exactly, and we constantly, if we were going to some holidays, events, especially the new year. for some reason, i remember it on the new year, then this it was just these families. we were children, i was, well, a girl and another boy, who is older than me, everything that i remember myself, adults are sitting at the table at the table. they somehow communicate on their own topics there , who are in the same room, who is in the kitchen here smokes something else there, do you feel somehow in your own merke why? well, i want to say some kind of my own mirok. that is, i do not belong to them. i myself, i play

relaxed, in principle, somehow, but how would they describe you. here is our marina such an independent marinade, put it there , take it, yes hmm well, in the sense, marina is not going anywhere. you know nothing happened to her. it looked like some form of how indifference in a relationship might seem. i still have a feeling, that is, that, well , as if unloved, probably, yes, she didn’t give scans there or somehow, i don’t know, like a girl. yes, i always have the feeling that i was in may, and even as a child i always played with uh, i don’t know the toys there, the automatic pistol, the ball there is something like that was, that is. well, boy, that's how you were brought up. it's most likely, it wasn't mine, i think you think why you could choose being a boy is the first phrase that

comes to mind? did the pope want a boy? did the father want a son? yes, well, somehow here in some conversations. i heard it so not that directly he told me that, well, no. first of all, i wanted a boy; i don’t remember this. yes , but in some e, that dad really wanted a boy. if i now propose to imagine such a picture, but imagine separate department. and lies a face, this is your mother. and so she gives birth and are born. here you see a little girl. what feelings does this event evoke in you? this is a picture a picture, but i see my mother here is a picture, as if here i am in my mother's hand, that is, i look at her, and what do you feel? so you were born with a girl? here is your mother holding you in her arms. perhaps they did not know who would be born, then i still

can not set the sex until the birth. this is a surprise for them. when will he see you? what feelings in your fantasies, in principle came when dad was around. dad is also happy, well , just at some point, for some reason, you decided marina that you have to be a boy, that in order for dad to be around you have to be a boy. just because the child is in general, in principle, but oh sexual, he does not realize his gender for a very long time he does not understand. what is the difference between boys and girls, that is, e is only in relation to adults, and there girls are dressed in pink; boys are dressed in blue, but the child does not have a sexual

gender, in fact. you asked me about the one there who decided to become a t-shirt, that is, well, is it yours or there, not yours? yes, here i am back, as it were, yes, and there is no such thing. well, who is a boy or a girl? just like i want to say that i'm a favorite child. well, in the sense, yes, the child came out, while asexual in this sense, there i am, yes i am of my decision. no, i don't see it there. i am, well, then marina grows, and at some point marina still seems to be faced with the fact that she is marina, this is not misha yes, and marina needs to choose somehow at this moment, but marina chooses toys urinary games boyish. i will assume that at this moment your own rejection of the fact that you are a woman a girl at that time occurred, if so, what could cause this rejection of the female

essence. how interesting it is now in well, in my head there was a picture like this and the phrase like this yes, dad wanted a boy. mom wants to say that mom is cool, that is. well, the relationship with your mother is cool, but you feel more like dad. i want dad to be good. well, that is, dad like me, probably accepts more. here probably, yes, well, because that way he will understand more. yes, he wanted so much, as if it were more understandable, as it were. well, yes, and therefore this is vanilla, it is not clear to the pope how to deal with this, as if there was this feeling. mom is far from being a vanilla person; in general, she was like dad loved mom. dad was soft. dad was kind, dad was attentive. dad did things that i still remember there, but such moments and hmm what well, let's say,

there with any holiday. well, what a holiday. we are still sleeping. he woke up very early and ran for flowers. and uh, rude saying we woke up with flowers. here it is around the face. well, that is here. well, i don't know, for me it's a bright holiday on march 8th. it wasn't just him on march 8th. it's a birthday. it's some kind of holidays there mmm. well, he often tried. not well, just like that, i don’t remember, but on holidays. yes, he always did this to both my mother and me, yes to my mother, he still showed me in every possible way that you were already a girl. when yes, that is, not quite a child. no i don't remember, suppose the first rejection of your femininity happened then in childhood he was completely unconscious, but he led you to, say, meet with dad, so that there would be more mutual understanding, so that dad would feel good. as he expressed, and then you grow up and, accordingly, at the age of 8, a boy is born, your

brother, your reaction. how did you associate yourself with these events in general, somehow coped with the fact that a new person appeared in the family, hung if you go to your own position. i put this on myself. senior is responsible. well me it it was said, and there you are older, you have become older. now, in general, everything happened to me, when he appeared, it was very much carried away by my brother, she was straight. sorry for the expression kissed, and here it is yes and that's right all the time it's in my opinion. again, here, dad is with him like, well, the son is at least the youngest there, i'm older, but he's a man. a person is a different upbringing is different. did not have.

this is his mother, right here, right, he’s right under his mother ’s skirt, right, he looks like that, the films are there, yes, but, as it were, dad to him like well, like a boy. i don't know how to write it. not fiddling around not lisping, somehow not there. no, i don’t know how good a word he and dad had some activities that you and dad didn’t have. i do not know there to go fishing to hunt in the garage. no, i'll explain now, bro, i don't remember just at what age? but he went to the kindergarten, he was taken to the kindergarten to his grandmother, and i don’t remember. for some reason, i had a little one there, yes, and somehow i didn’t ask further later, it seems, as a matter of health, the climate is different there and my brother was sent to my grandmother. that is, i grew up with my parents and desires all the time. and him there they took him away later , and my parents went there to tambov; now i’ll tell you when he was 12 or 13

years old, about the same as you didn’t live for 14 years as adults. yes, i was 21 years old. i'm 20 yes, 20 21 almost uh-huh. so i've already begun to live separately , yeah. here, but as if my father did not have this time. here, well, with uh, they grew further. here you become a girl there fourteen. well, how did you feel about yourself? how did you feel in this world kid? ah here is, i have perception was always only behavior such. here is our somehow something i don't know there this. well, the behavior is more boyish. well, they don't. well, why do you think? i don't know how correct this is? well, dad perceived me like that, but dad accepted me like that, well, accordingly, probably, other men or other people there, probably, they should perceive it that way, they looked at other girls who behaved. how else would you treat them? here they are, i don’t know , they were conditionally painted, but there were people like

noble girls here, a very interesting moment, because i always looked after myself. though i felt myself. that is, i have such a perception that communication has always been there, right? but if i took care of myself, i put on make-up . hmm there, i don't know, there, well, hair styling, everything there. that is, i always forgot to leave. i always had it, but on vanilla girls like that. well, why do they suddenly become somehow for you, er, images dangerous or unacceptable? well, there were other girls who are different, why are you afraid of them, some here, if it's vanilla right there, they have stupid stupid fools, yes, yes, and, accordingly, it is very important not to become dumb not to become stupid, perhaps. uh-huh maybe yes, well i didn't like it. naturally, as it were. well, i'm not like that, i won't be like that, but in

any case, at some point, uh, physiological processes began. when you realize that you have become a girl, this is the moment when you first had, and these days are so-called, how did you perceive it and who was next to you, and you knew what was happening or you lay down to die from blood loss. it was a little different. we lived in a small village went for a walk, and friends came to visit us there. and how, well, my mother's friend is her daughter. so the four of us went for a walk in the center, let's call it the village in the center. here, and hmm, and when was it some kind of warm summer day, or what? well, in general, it's warm, sunshine, in my opinion, this is we are returning. i don't remember much about this moment at home. i told my mother that something is not right, well, something like that, here we are going home. and he himself did not talk about such topics. that is, i was actually formed in these plans, well,

sincere conversations. never had with mom hmm, so i came home. i have one. well, it's kind of a shock, yes. mom is shown such that you, well, that is, here, well, as usual, well, something are you worried about what's wrong? well, now that's all. here is the same thing. by the way, yes, the meaning is obtained by some kind of individuation, but your mother did not commit the fact that you become a girl. even though she's the one who does it. well, yes, i remember this transition just like this, well, that is, as if by myself and your mom didn't really know, as if from a woman, most likely, uh-huh, i just know my grandmother, that is, too. in general, it’s very clear that this is a controller, but at one time she worked for the fsb, mm. she sat on read, letters, checked somehow listed. in general

, all this is necessary on the noses of everyone there. such are the cases, and, as it were, a grandmother is very tough, very tough. uh, how much i loved to control everything and everyone. well, in general, mom grew up in such circumstances, it turns out that this initiation did not happen and mom did not immerse you in this process, but further all the same, you grow up and then the boys begin, and , accordingly, all sorts of games, marriage of a sexual nature , and so on, yes, that is, you understand that here, too, accordingly, you kind of have to make some kind of decision. you were scared, did you know where life was taking you or basically, i remember my first experience, and it was like, well, everything in a smooth, flowing consciously. yes it was. it wasn't a relationship. at that moment it was an ambiguous relationship. then such long-term ones began. it happened know when

everything is around. uh-huh, i don't have one yet. well , somehow even somewhere ashamed, probably, it was. but this belatedness was also associated, as if there was not even femininity to underdevelopment, that is, immaturity, yes, that's how you perceived it. difficult to complex. uh-huh reacted calmly, but he only said. well, this one sighed a little, but with such an understanding like this. he says, well, it was your choice there, yes, as it were, well, i would like, as he had such a phrase, but i would like to be married there back and forth. in general, as it is supposed to be there, yes to my mother i was afraid to say this , dad said about it, mom's reaction was everything, as usual. and what, like uh-huh well, in general, everything on this has become some kind

of such a sacred secret of yours that now you are a woman with you are you now like all of you now? well, probably partly. yes, i can assume that you have changed, and not to say that i was directly satisfied with all this. i mean, it was kind of like that, right? well, probably somehow it will still be better not what everyone describes. everything is far away, not the same picture. uh-huh so i think that somehow it has changed and how your relationship has developed further. and i just got in a relationship. after that somewhere i don't remember that after some time. well, somewhere in six months, probably, well, i'll start. yes, there the feeling became more somehow yes, and, accordingly, then i had a relationship in which we had a relationship, we lived together then, ah, 5 years. well, in these relationships, you played some kind of female part

, or, nevertheless, you immediately began to play a male one there. no, there is not much male it would have turned out, probably, to play some kind of female one, it was a party. uh, because the man is probably, i can say, stronger, probably, or i was dependent on him there. yes, it's boring. i fell in love there, but i felt at that moment you had feelings. i ’m into him, he’s into me, as it were, but at first everything is so beautifully good there, then somehow it got a little more complicated, that’s all. it felt like a hostage of some kind. well, in general, yes, it depends, well, this is an addiction, that is, there was some kind of after all, i'm another collision with what if you are a woman, then you are correspondingly in danger, because if you play this female part, then, accordingly, you become a hostage of a man on whom you depend. hmm, there was a depreciation of you, yes, as a person, but as a person? like a woman, and there, well, a man walked time straight. well,

and it was not practically covered. well , that is, everyone knew, many knew. well, you continued to stay in that relationship. here i am talking about this, that she was addicted, most likely, as if hostage. yes, you changed it to a softer, or something female position here lay in wait for failure. yes, there was suppression here. that's how a person would like to crush me under him, so that i do. that's right, exactly everything that he wants, and he will do what he wants. well, he wants like this, well, in fact. we have just discovered several stages, at each of which you were faced with being a woman, well, such a story, how is the story itself, in general, somehow, in general, it is tailored to

men according to their request and being a woman often means just serving the interests of the man. yes, i generally disagree with this. somehow i don't agree with this. it's just culturally the way it looks now. i'm not saying that this is correct, but often women seem to find themselves in positions in which they have to serve the interests of a man . a man gets something. many people don't get anything. they just lie on the couch, but still continue to wash themselves. eh, the ruler of the world is among the prey there. yes, and a woman, accordingly, she somehow owes something all the time in this sense, a man also has a lot of debts and his own cockroaches there judging by the way you tell you several times. e, at the moment of initiation of the transition of you, just the same, into this female state, girls, girls, women. yes, u have every time faced with the fact that this is not a very pleasant position. yes, she seems to be returning a little. and there is such a hypothesis.

tell me if it seems true that at the moment when your brother left, and he was sent to grandma, and you stayed with dad, dad, who was waiting for his son, and he had a lot of expectations about it. yes. and as if there was no lot left even then in order to please dad in order to be near him, it is necessary, as if to replace not only himself in the role of a non- vanilla girl, but also to replace his brother , very similar to this. well, that is, that position, it is more convenient, it is more familiar and from it there is a result of what i said, and we are psychologists sergey on ourselves tatiana krasnovskaya, and marina is our guest with whom we are discussing the nature of femininity today. what is the key fear

now to put with this woman, because i said that i hate vanilla women, but to support you, but at the same time, with all this, it was on my part, some kind of trick, which consists in the fact that those images that you reject in many ways carry a danger to you, which means marina has become a vanilla woman? so let's imagine once marina is a vanilla woman and what will happen in this world? well , you know who will die, who will be upset, who will cry? who will be disappointed? well , let's think that means no one at all. well, whoever dies no one dies from this, right. well, if marina suddenly tomorrow, of course. to say weakness vulnerability will come out

that is, here, and hmm sensuality is there, probably, that's why i ask what will happen in the world along with the fact that marina alone dies and does not wake up, this vanilla one will wake up. so clung to, it’s very difficult for her to even imagine somehow this marina, probably it’s hard for me to even imagine how it will be, it will be somehow different in any case there. yes, this is probably what i strive for, what i want to see for myself, and get out of myself. you're kind of scary. even scary. what's frightening there? well, here's what again they can not accept so i say, who will be disappointed, who will be upset? who? i don’t accept myself , it turns out that you don’t accept this part of course, marina hello, how does the service novel alice of the second series come in

a completely different role? well, you come to work, completely different. here is some other femininity in some other hypostasis. your employees will stop listening to you no, our colleagues will stop talking to you. no, your partners will stop communicating with you. now they are facing marina who aggressively cope strongly and thus also devalues ​​the male relationship experience. you are trying to become not up to a man, but at least in front of a woman. why did i say that when

a boy is born a man is born? because in this world, which is absolutely in our head, the idea is formed that women are not quite a person, as if not quite deserving. and all that is possible, but the error lies in the fact that many women begin to enter into this confrontation, and in trying to level out very often they lose just themselves. and we are different simply, that is, men - this is a man, women are women, and we are just different, and here it is very important to allow yourself to be a woman, and allow men to be a man, without trying to remake anyone, because any remake is an attempt at castration. your courage. this is, in general, your castration. if i were a freudian of the brain of bones i would now say that it is your envy of the penis that is expressed in this way. maybe freddie was also not

just a bastard to sew. yes, he understood what was at stake, but at the same time that it is laid right in the very early childhood in the games with the boys. in the realization that i am not a boy, and there all this is laid and laid. the same envy, but it is important to learn how to work with this envy. and how can we work with envy, only realizing that you have your life , i have my own life, and when we begin to enjoy our own life, our own body, our own elements of manifestations, and our own perception, then we begin to get just the same our own life. and here it is very important that it is simple they let go and allowed me not to do anything on purpose, but allowed this femininity to flourish. i could ask, why is this part, which, of course? yes, you have it, it is femininity. this is vanilla even in the most hypertrophied manifestation. it's still there somewhere. yes, it is important to find some balance here, but now you somehow

felt that it is worth discovering it, that it is worth raising it, yes, and somehow showing more that it will give. why is this, perhaps, i want to answer. so uh my masculine behavior, it overlaps my relationship with a man. that's it, well that is me being afraid they don't suit me either. well, maybe i'm unpleasant. it’s just that even in such a manifestation it’s somehow too harsh. yes, when we put on men and, accordingly, starting to somehow measure themselves with them. a hmm i want attention , like any woman i want attention i want normal attention, no language , so that it doesn’t exist there, let’s say, yes, so that it passes by there, yes, but i want it. yes i want attention damn yes attention there is attention there matter of your reaction of attention. well, perhaps, for you, the attention of a man scares you. then you a priori will put on this protection that you didn’t look like that. by the way, that's why i said, there will be no bad

questions here. i wonder if it already exists? why is it dangerous? why is it dangerous to admit and admit it to yourself? let's imagine such a situation. here you are, there is a man who is interesting to you, and he begins to show his attention to you , his care, why is this dangerous? what happens to you any other male taxi driver the seller, there, i don't know, the loader director. uh, oligarch, whatever. here is a man, they still show attention. this is the first experience, most likely a relationship. but these yes, which will be the first right here. well, the first one is long. well, this is abuse. m-m, they don’t consider you a person, i do what i want, it’s even a raising of a hand somewhere, yes, physical impact.

well, that's scary, but i don't know, it seems to me that i've already somehow learned. how to assert boundaries with me. you can not do it this way. well, look, you can talk to you as you like, if i have enough strength, i will beat you and drive around. and whatever i will do, the question lies in the other, it is important for you now in order for this femininity to be found, which you are looking for you are looking not where you lost, where it is light. and if you want her to be found, then the question is that you should be attentive to the attention that is shown, but at the same time, you do not need to marry them , sleep with them, build relationships with them. it's just to let this attention be, and in this attention it will begin to unfold how since your femininity, you don’t have to answer, you have to accept it. because there is an idea, as if that as soon as this attention is shown towards you. you have to quickly, quickly put this protective barrier, because between you and this barrier, as

if there is actually an empty space there very quickly. ah, this dangerous man. yes, it will approach you and there you don’t know how to be there further, even now there is a feeling as if this barrier is being placed there, and as if i owe something. if you're not paying attention i feel like i have to give something in return. something that's right, i should not fig. i don't have to, so i say, learn to just take that attention and be in it and that's it. i understood. yes, i didn’t look here, go away, with what i’m leaving with understanding with him understanding , which i, firstly, we found these moments and honestly, i somehow didn’t even realize i didn’t understand it’s very valuable for me that here let's call these moments of my initiation. so i also saw them, that they were very important on well, as on my becoming, as a woman cool. and, accordingly, that i do not owe anything to anyone in fact. and just this

moment when, mmm, well, i just realized that i'm not where i need to be yet. i came here with this, but now there is still a moment that m-m. just accept, just enjoy, just be. well , simply yes, it will simply open up normally. you don't have to do anything yourself. this is not a forced procedure. yes found that you just have to be it seems. yes, it just sounds like a word there. yes, it's not always clear how to do it. that is, how it manifests itself in fact, do i have a rather understanding of how to do it? he yes it is. i can just write this state, as i understand it, how i feel it, how to just be when you are in the moment, and you don’t have extraneous thoughts in your head. are you thinking of something in the future that i need to do? you are not in the past. the pace is digesting some situation. my aunt lyusya stepped on my foot 2 hours ago, how painful it was, what kind of bastard is she? excuse me yes, but you are here you see a person

some manifestations and well, you know the state some silence. well, i don’t know, inner silence, and you are in observation. you spoke very beautifully about the future, about the past, about the future. this is when the surrounding men show attention to you. and you don’t make plans about how it was to give your grandchildren the past, respectively, you don’t return to the future , it’s to remove this position, i have to do it there, and i’ve already built everything there, yes, and the past is not to drag this one baggage from the past here is the last year of relationships. yeah, yeah, that's just eat just eat man like would and let it be. that's how it was remove this importance. this is the importance of attention approaching you because you are unlike the baby from the girl who had this initiation. you are an adult woman who is actually able to withstand this, this, this

is the border and let you in and approach as much as you feel comfortable, such even this is a pleasant, correct good game. and just in this, there is even femininity, yes, the class is super. great. thank you marin for such a deep conversation at all. thank you very much. thanks, well that was a podcast triggers. we were with you sergey syndrome tatyana krasnovskaya psychologists psychotherapists and marina was our guest with whom we talked about the nature of her femininity. hello, friends. i vadim galygin is a podcast of jokes today, given the theme of our program jokes from musicians and musical jokes about musicians. i want

to introduce my guest right away. this is a music producer. uh, author of many uh songs for himself for other artists. singer composer brandon hi eh, you and i are like this face-to-face today. hmm, we want to turn the conversation about the specifics of jokes, because there are a lot of jokes on some narrow topics and this concerns the professional activities of different people, but people. there are anecdotes about doctors, a huge number of them, i don’t know about policemen, there and so on and so on about builders. well, such a large layer of this humor lies in the musical plane, because musicians are, well, peculiar creative people. yes, uh, not everyone understands how they generally musicians do it pull the strings, press the key

, music sounds, therefore, their humor is peculiar. agree tell me, please, what do you think people related to music are very different from normal people from ordinary people. it probably depends on the degree of musicianship. so, what can i say? that's the more you're a musician. the more you are a genius in music, then, probably, your pain is more somehow specific taste of perception of anecdotes. you don't always take jokes about musicians because it's normal like other people it is perceptible. here, for example, here's what, uh, there are, for example, uh, musicians, not everyone knows absolutely the words, in general, what is absolutely? what is absoluteness? how do you know when the mothers of the children come to me? i sometimes sit on the jury of the competition, says my child has absolute pitch. i say, how did you notice it, what does she hear from me? all i say is absolutely. hearing. it's when you can play a note and you say what

note it is. for example, he plays in the orchestra there. well, or, for example, a chord. say it's at home zhor sol sol major. this is what it is when the musician hears. eh, just hearing the music will say, what kind of parallelism is there. yes , in general, i just can’t say a phone, plus or minus. i have, uh, minus one ton minus plus ton upstairs. i mean, i can't really hear. i have absolutely no hearing. and that's good, because absolutely hearing is a musician's disease, because when, for example, the orchestra plays. you can play any violin there, what is there by? oh, it immediately hurts, that is, it is impossible to listen, yes, that is, this is it everything has to be so perfect. yes yes. well, listen, if a child, for example, does not know what this note is called, but they played it, and he immediately took it and sang it cleanly. just don't confuse it. good hearing is good. and there are some jokes. that's about the rumor about i remember hmm when two friends meet. he says i'm with you. here's a ticket for eight whoppers i won't go. he says why

is this a cool opera? he says no to me yesterday. rabinovich sang like this, but garbage, that is, here, this is about the same anecdote. is it about it or about it how are the musicians? yes, well, because that's in my opinion. yes, there are a huge number of jokes that are based on some kind of inequality . in general, for example, in a team. for example, when there is an anecdote about some musical group, yes, then there are a lot of anecdotes that are also about drummers, about bassists, about some , well, it becomes a joke precisely because these relationships in the team are known to everyone and let's say they are very similar. i don't know, there were the beatles, they had about the same thing , right? or now some metallica, and it doesn't matter, i mean, the guitarist is there or, uh, the drummer of metallica fits that description anyway. i just remembered a joke. let it end from here. there is a roaring crowd there, everything is there, there is a huge rock concert there.