still, you see, i feel like a mother. why does she do this? well, like well, there to have fun you can’t now look, what have you brought your mother to? she came there after a couple of days there. yes? naturally, i am a schoolboy trying to change, and she saw. what are you doing? you have a sick mother, you are having fun here.

so that something somehow changes there, some kind of what you really are, what you then experienced explained to you how you need to behave, too, there was some kind of fading, that now you can’t live in your life, what is it caused? well, fear fright sad, you took on this guilt that your grandmother gave you. well, just for this case. no, no, you and your father . no, you are alone in this situation. no, it was this grandmother who faced the question of loving someone more. and suddenly a situation occurs, after which you and your dad are healthy on one side and a sick, not lying mother, a lying, not finding mother on the other side. how has the configuration changed in your family relationships? i also began to move away,

because he himself did not know how to live his life there. feelings emotions. he, of course, dragged me a little something to work somewhere, but for some reason i then decided that dad would betray me too. and in general, i have no one to turn to you at all. and then what with you, i will make an assumption, you will say. it looks like what you experienced or not. and it seems to me that there was a lot of anger suppressed once something is so unfair. so i should not be a child, like all other children. why is this all happening to me? why should i not asking me. you put me in a position where i have to perform functions that i cannot cope with. oh well, then, from the age of 12, i began to

lose my front teeth. i just had them removed. well, i am there, well, at the moment there are only 13 of them for a girl of 12 years old, of course. mom had never been angry before. these are different things. well, it seemed to me that they didn’t love like that, they should love me like that. do you remember the thoughts that came with a belt, google put it there. well, dad, only his army showed for a week did nothing google put. how is it natural to yell at me? hello ignore me be silent with

me. do you remember your thoughts in childhood such as, for example, that it would be better for me and dad without mom. well, you couldn't help but compete with you, so it's not obvious that your dad betrayed the moment you were left with, uh, in arms with your mom. dad started drinking, it's really a betrayal. it’s just that you couldn’t help but compete with your mother in your youth, like any girl competes with her mother for attention. dad for youth beauty and it could not be. it just goes differently for everyone. how is your daughter? well, my dad seemed to me there, my beloved took more. it seemed to me, there up to 6-7 years. i'm right there with him. no, it was lying, sometimes hugging. then at 9:10 everything stopped. it started at

12:00 in general, it seemed to me that in general. deleted in life and daddy, too, of course, but this here is the period between my mother's accident and my mother's mansurd. and when mom came to her senses how did she manifest herself in relation to you? was whether she is grateful to you, for example, for the care that i provided and somehow the relationship in actions somehow changed. well, i don’t remember that it was also expressed directly, then i appeared on the peak. this is the network business. she's like goofy here and there without end. well, you need to earn money and and, well, as if it is not there either. i myself, too, somehow hunting was. yes, why did loneliness come precisely at that moment , at 12, when the adults were still ready

for this adult life. not all of them were doing their own thing. basically, you were left to their own devices, right? i have a feeling that this is what you started to re-experience when you got married and said that this is such a childish position, that now, finally, i can be a child, though next to a man so, yes, that’s why i covered it all, yes, with vedic knowledge skirts to the floor even so. yes. thank you. uh-huh yes, yes, and , accordingly, flying fluttering. and now you have been such a woman. well, and most importantly, to visit the child for 10 years. you haven't grown up yet. growing up starts so much now it's gotten worse because i allowed it there, i don’t know anymore. not that rudeness, but some can already be started. naturally, all this

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with a reinforced composition to combat headaches and migraines. askofen when the head hurts burger king has become more profitable return 50 rubles. when paying with world burger cards, only in the application of self-service terminals and on the burger king website pentalgin is a remedy for various types of pain pentalgin acts against pain, wherever it is, regardless of the reasons its occurrence, pentalgin will do without pain. and with you, we are sergey on ourselves and tatyana krasnovskaya, psychology psychotherapists we talk to victoria. when my mother died in 2012, how you survived death began to freeze, i had anemia there, then that’s all. i am a camera. why it seems that they were already old enough, my mother was ill for a long time , obviously, and the fate of centenarians did not shine, while why were there illusions on the topic

that i should live forever? uh-huh and what were you to her that only not vyskolnye hatred, and anger and resentment, and there are fears. don't know everything about anything. me there that, just did not express. here's another i remember the period when she died, i went to the training and made a decision. all i pinch with my mother, there i cut the ropes of an emotional connection with her. i stop everything, i can't ride. it was sunday thursday. i kept it and here's another guilt for it was. just said a few minutes ago. look, it turns out that as soon as i cut off my contact with my mother, mom dies and a key form of separation with mom. this is her death and a normal person

to some superstition. yes, but this superstition was not formed in the training. unfortunately, it imposes, yes, everything, when people start talking about the universe about karma, holotropic breathing, no matter what kind of training , when people come out of there, uh, with the idea that there is a certain universe, that there are some signs, streams, resources, vedic aspects, and this whole nonsense, it is, as it were , superimposed on superstition, where does it come from? superstition is another matter. yes you were superstitious before and that's why so it worked out. now look, that's why i assumed that the feeling of guilt was formed at the moment when you were just looking at your mother. when she's in a hospital bed and

a child might develop guilt at that moment, well, of course, grandma helps a lot. she directly fonit it, yes speaking speaking speaking about it. yes, it’s just that i, too, just like you in childhood, were accused of bringing mom here or bringing dad there. so you see what you brought everyone to, but it was like a goosebump from me, yes, it was, but at the same time with everything none of us is able to avoid the thought of when mom beats you, when mom swears, when mom screams that we are better off without you, it would be these thoughts that the child is frightened of, and suddenly the child sees his mother. he knows his thoughts and the grandmother connects them at this moment. look what you brought your mother to, and here a certain subpersonality arises, which speaks about what is happening. and now you just need to stop being yourself, stop laughing. well, as in childhood, you know, we used to say, don’t swear, mom will die with mom. yes, and therefore everything

they believed that it was impossible to swear by mother, they swore by lenin there with a pioneer tie, anything, but something already dead. yeah, but you can’t live, because they each die, and they die. imagine people are dying. yes , mothers, fathers, children, dogs, cats die, everyone absolutely dies. if you are already talking about the existential crisis with which we came, then at the very beginning of your monologue. i noticed one very interesting thing that i said i'll tell you later and i'll tell you now. you are afraid to grow up because growing up will lead you to death. and you said it expressing this phrase to a dying psychologist, no one will go. i wanted to be indignant at this moment and tell you one simple thing. do you really believe that there is a non -dying psychologist? do you really believe that there is anyone who does not die, the only reality that exists is this death your death my death.

i have been dying with you for several minutes here and no one has yet gone in the opposite direction. well here is the idea, superimposed on the suev it makes you helpless death. and here it is important that you kind of understand for yourself and recognize or forgive this child for the thoughts that he had at the moments when his mother beats him. well, because if mom is not just cold, when mom begins to express emotions and beats you, because at that moment you feel that she hates you, a loving mother will not beat you. and in response to you, of course , there was a huge amount of hmm anger , aggression against her. well, of course, it was impossible to show it. and you got that signal that these are taboo feelings and you learned swallow them, erasing the teeth at the root behind this thought. well, this is for playing at school

when your grandmother saw you. yes, not children in life. now. it means that something is wrong behind the door on which death is written. you will open the door, you will understand that you are going out into this world, you will die and no guesswork. i don't know an exalted teenager. you won't stop this flow. yes, i'm already a forty-year-old aunt. soon i do not know how your relationship with your spouse will develop. i don't know how your relationship with other men. yes, but i know for sure that your relationship with yourself will be more honest only after you accept this fact. and the fact that, yes, you were mad at her. and the fact that these are completely unrelated

things her accident and your anger. now, when a crow sits on a palm tree , a coconut falls from a palm tree for ours. well, let's just say that from a linear view it seems that these are related events, but in exactly the same way as a crow could not sit down. the coconut could have fallen before it was planted. yes, here it happens just like that in our psyche. she tries to build everything in linearity, because only when it is clear, yes, that one follows the other and it seems that as a result she writes. and then, when you start to consider it is very difficult. stratify to separate these events, but your task is to allow this to be a kaleidoscope of events. yes, things have happened in your life. you built logic, where it was not necessary to build logic, of course, not in your favor. thank you all,

of course, good teachers understand? but it's not a shame, they could no longer act differently differently. no, the length of which child is hit. that's all you need to build some kind of protection. well , it just doesn't help you now, that's why i'm here and opening this door, which sergei called the name death. you and your daughter will be able to build a real, more honest , or something relationship, without trying to protect her on the one hand with this fading, because she is also about coldness, being a real living mother nearby. and this fear that we feel awe of death. it is the natural norm. you can't run from him. you need to learn how to live it, so here it is very important to live it,

perhaps in some of the practices in bodily practice. it's great to live, but what 's important is to learn to look there and understand that once you become an adult from now on. well, how would you stop, and grow up and begin to age. yes, there, it means that we are going to this very death; moreover, when mom leaves, of course, there is no one else between us and death now, because parents, including psychological ones perform the function of protection between me and death, as long as they exist, it’s like i shouldn’t die yet. well, not next. but that's again in the linear category of categoricalness, when we understand what doesn't really exist. uh-huh well, this is another story about the fact that every decision you make to turn away from what comes from the fact that we are still going to death. it doesn't stop this movement. well

, yes, the process, and these are all more than 20 years old. it still happened to turn away. turn away today. well, this is happening , for example, sergey told his little six-year-old son, three-year-old told him that we are all dying here. this, by the way, is also yes. this child must have been a little surprised. i'm pap what is death and said what's happening to you right now. well , i'll tell you how i say it. you've been dying for three and a half years now. he says, and you her and i die. there he cried for his mother, naturally he cried. well, i was sincerely convinced and still convinced that i would rather tell this truth at 3 1/2 a year before i tell him the story that one day they will come up with a pill and we will all live forever. and this fear, and death

, is very important for you to live it directly and be with it. it is the norm for every living creature on earth . yes, i close, this is her story. there i had a history with it. i open my door with death there in a different way, because to my mother why is philosophical and well, in general it is do as in reality now from the studio. wake up tomorrow, how will you work?

and what i think is true, adults, only people can meet and already. well, yes, there is, because it turns out as if i've been there for so long. disbelief that there is, well , fearing death, well, i'm stuck and in my childhood , the ancients didn't just say moments. mora they said, remember death. they didn't say, avoid her, they said just remember, they uh-huh, and you visit the cemetery once i had this rubbish. this is all the time of our program. me for some reason i really want to recommend that you go to the cemetery, no matter how it sounds now. i was once. after quarantine, there was no selfie for 21 years. i will give you one recommendation, when you go to the cemetery, until you get to her grave, there will be

other graves. and on the graves of all it is necessarily written. uh, the date of birth is the date of death and the dates in between, i want to suggest to you, but to practice this kind of meditation to look at other things, you understand that other things are death, they date at the end. the way he is this aspect and earlier and to you it will just become easier to be with this, that you will realize that today is, in general, the first day of the end of your life and every new day will be the first. it is logical for me to say that dying psychotherapists were with you. well, today is such a deep truth? theme and thank you for coming to us with it today. it became easier for me to breathe, if there was a desire to breathe, thank you very much. thank you thank you this was a podcast triggers and you were. we are tatyana krasnovskaya, sergey

nasabyan, psychologists and psychotherapists, and we talked to victoria about an existential crisis. hello this is a paws podcast and a first-person podcast today our guest is a person who is certainly the first person in the culture of our country, minister of culture of the russian federation olga borisovna lyubimova and i am a journalist natalya lysva hello natalya you became the minister of culture in such difficult times. in general, under-entertainment is not up to art. right now, when you remember the very first month that you remember, what sensations do you know i was amazingly supported by one uh my colleague, and when he came up in the first days after the appointment, and he came up to me and

said the first six months, you will feel as if you were scalded with boiling water. and that's okay. we all go through this so much and this is the comparison. in general, i returned to this with my head several times, because it’s somehow fantasized that you were appointed, and you are driving there in the back seat of cars and this is how i can say, i didn’t have this feeling in any one of the chairs. not in the backseat of a car, not entering uh kremlin administration or, uh, when we come to the government for a meeting. i didn’t have this like that, because these are incredible feelings of responsibility that your nervous system must cope with, which must get used to carrying it, uh, and respond promptly and to joyful and bad news and tragic and

unexpected turns of events, therefore, of course. the fact that ahead of us all was waiting for the coronavirus for 2 years and then a special operation, and then it could not even come to mind. yes, well , definitely roasted, i would even say this here i am roasting a good word. i don't remember any recent appointment that was accompanied. this is such a hype in social networks, and well, let's just say bullying. yes, with pulling out some youthful teenage posts there, some teenage photos. and what was it in general, what kind of reaction was this? it's hard for me to say. you know, i just remembered the moment. remember the movie. stuffed amazing rolan antonovich bykovy amazing team and cameraman mukasia and fantastic roles and remember lenochka there without merging. here with e. i burned at the stake leg screamed. well, i remember this state very well. this is, of course, very unexpected. at the same time, i can’t say that i’m glad that i went through it, but it

made me a lump in life. and what did they do? how these days passed completely introverted, not allowing at all, in principle, to read anything to myself after the first reaction, stopping any, as it were, i then returned to maintaining social networks, which i always try to do myself and now too i returned a month later looks like 3-4. just by turning it all off more, despite the personal, not what was written in the comments, because it would destabilize me very much. i was very worried, including for my family and children. it was most important to me that no one offended my children at school. but it was the most adolescence . as i understand it, yes, they are somehow obtained by the eldest son. he was in perhaps a tenth grade accident. so it is 3 years less. well, in general, it was all the same, on the contrary, they were all very supported, and it was very

important, and at first they too and too. understand here they also didn’t have from the very beginning, even before all these social networks there. hey, here's the first post. they same learned increasingly on tv gave. well, of course, well, of course, both the father and the children are so, well, no matter how daddy knows them. i don't, well, it's wrong. until they appointed it, how would it be incorrect, and they found out on tv. and somehow, on the one hand, this alarmed me, and on the other hand, it made me very happy, because they were not happy. and that they did not write sms were not afraid for me. they were all waiting for me at home, and they are very much especially the son. and the son. why son? why was nikita scared? nikita was absolutely right intuitively afraid that this would entail very serious changes in my life. how will you be, and what will you have even more work? no. it was very important humanly that they were not fantasizing at that moment. and can i now have a new phone model there again. you are now ministers

there, but you can, but now how and where can i go there? i don’t know, to relax with friends, that is, at that moment they were not thinking about the hypothetical benefits that might entail. there some career growth of your parents. they thought more about what would happen to us. and you will have guests. and you can, but we will and we will stay at home. we won’t have to move to another apartment, that is, it kind of calmed me down a lot. to be honest, like a dad. at that moment, he became your subordinate. this is normal, but we spoke separately, even bureaucratic you decide that, of course, you are responsible for the father and sign all this. yes , of course, go to bed. yes but it's simple legal impossible. let's remind you who your dad is. uh, well dad all my life. uh, taught at gitis. now he is the rector of the shchepkinsky school for many, many years, serving the small theater. therefore, i am very happy for him when a person is 76 years old, and he has three or four

works at once, this is really like that. solution it seems to me both my favorite work and my favorite business. and yes, he lives for it. he is such a hereditary workaholic. well, let's talk, then, in general, about your childhood about that circle to which you grew up on nikolai grief. uh-huh, where the traditional as we know the great people of bohemian art live, and as far as i know, from early childhood you were under such patronage, for example. nikita sergeevich mikhalkov nikolina gora is indeed a settlement of workers in science and art, therefore, really, as it were . this environment where we all grew up, i can’t say that it was some kind of major environment, as it was customary then to say , on the contrary, we grew up in the nineties, our great grandparents at this moment and parents received meager salaries of their own. uh, institutes, like my father was, who dragged my mother, my grandmother, me and our

housekeeper, who generation lived in our family and periodically her parents borrowed money from her, because it was very hard to live, so yes, indeed, everything grew before our eyes there were some rich people. people grew up, footage of fences around. well, in general, rather lived in the houses of their great-grandfathers. and in general, we continue to live. just trying to restore them to repair. uh, correct roofs and so on. this is a very, really important component, as far as work is concerned, as they say, that's the industry, really. since childhood, i know and understand well, well, a number of areas in culture. and everything that concerns the fact that nikita sergeevich would be mentioned well, firstly, a certain sergeevich in general, rather about those whom i love, i will kill him. uh, very strict about people being treated well when we were kids no hearts. filmed his outstanding films, if we

were allowed to be present during the filming for their breath tired sun. one, for example, so that most of the scenes take place on nikolina's mountain. well, of course, we held our breath, afraid to move, watched how he worked together, with most of the nikolagorsk children who played pioneers in the extras there and so on, and then it really happened that it happened to me. it is very expensive that nikita sergeevich entrusted me with writing a number of scripts for his non-fiction films. i was once asked, are you a screenwriter mikhalkov and i directly grabbed by the heart and say, are you a screenwriter mikhalkova ibragimbekov, tsarina mikhalkov's hemstitch was, if it was about relatives, especially if mikhalkova this, of course, is not sergeyevich mikhalkov , but our entire team, which i gathered in order to do, uh, this or that project. and of course, i just reverently watched how the master worked and just got high, because working with him is really very very cool. and now

this is such a very close star comrade, to whom, of course, we can consult to argue and share gossip, of course, too, but one of the beliefs that he your godfather no, my dad is godfather nadia, therefore, when nicky sergeevich says yes, it’s true, and my godfather is such a wonderful now living vlad zamansky, amazingly absolutely fantastic actor, he has now practically been living in murom for many years and is praying for me. in this sense, i am a very happy goddaughter , my godmother is no more. this is, in fact, pilyavskaya aunt menshikova from the pokrovsky gates, aunt kostya, she is completely marvelous inside. yes, since childhood, you were born and grew up and matured in this acting theater in general creative environment. here you become a minister over them. is it time on your feet or

vice versa? this is some hint for you, of course, this is a hint. just why be cunning if we say that it is better for a person to hit. uh, it’s just that you can look from one industry to another from above. it can be objective, that you can look from above, when you don’t know everything and the background, yes, everything that concerns something, such as personnel policy, for example, when they leave or leave us, uh, theater directors or leaders, because you need to understand the corpse very well, you need to understand someone you appoint very well, you need to understand the mood very well, you need to know the position of the old people well. it's difficult when you have 200 federal cultural institutions and you really don't really know how the volkov theater differs from the novosibirsk theatre. uh , who probably went out as a girl and for example, you need to know what the word nawat is. if you live in novosibirsk, maybe you don't need something disgusting. here you see. here, look, you

immediately wound up. that's better for the minister culture knew this in advance wednesday, on a business trip in novosibirsk, we will tell you that this is an abbreviation to blame. e of the novosibirsk academic theater ballet. my name is natalya loseva i am a journalist, and my guest is olga lyubimova, the minister of culture of the russian federation so you remembered our life on nikolina's mountain. my parents have been laughing at themselves for a long time that my family is very secular. i have always been there a crowd of friends and all my life. i remember how mom and dad dressed beautifully there and went to premieres returned late. and i, on the contrary, am an introvert and i have been a terrible pathologically clamped child since childhood. it's just painful. they let me go, dug, go, please, well , it’s all some kind of night seating by the fire, and at some point dad told me very funny that i was sitting, gloomy so you are lacing. remember, it was fashionable to wear these boots, so jeans and lace up, which means daddy says shoes, why are you so gloomy?

well, i went to hang out with such doom, so years at 14:15. daddy says you don't wanna hang out? i say i don't want to hang out. for some reason you are going, then i would be doomed with such a one, because my uncle said. some guy's friend needs to hang out, you know, he said no, well, you need to hang out. so you can’t sit stereotypes, right about the people of culture, everyone is all different, and i didn’t intend to go into culture. all the same, my rebellion was a rebel, of course, i remember, and i, by the way, after the gymnasium. i already studied at an english special school, absolutely wonderful and they accepted me there very much you yes me when we there were church girls, yes. well, yes. well, as it were, this is one of the other, well, we are a church girl with disgusting behavior from the knee mountain. well, you know what i am. here. i'm in the service. everything was running fine. at

the lesson, well, here is the hour of the liturgy, i had enough patience. and the hour of algebra did not have enough patience , but then i say that i studied at a school where they loved me and accepted me like that and , on the contrary, began to support my some virtues, i don’t really pay sincere ones. laughing about my shortcomings and some teenage language without bones. here, the only thing i always something witty blather. and, of course, my algebra teacher at the orthodox gymnasium brought it up. he said very sadly to my mother, it seems that i don’t know, unfortunately, i’m afraid that your daughter in life can only become a toastmaster, and dad. in general, with this, my mother lived somehow, i must give them their due, they were very sorry for me. here, uh, but on the other side. papa graduated from the school of working youth and as an illuminator contemporaries began to work. therefore, my children, too, to be honest , are famous. in general, rather human qualities. wait, and

your eldest child is the son of nikita, he should already be at the university at the institute. yes, he is studying to be a producer bronchigs. well, for now, uh, i also think a little that higher education is a ski track. well, that is, varya just said that he comes there to be a teacher. yes. it's interesting, but unexpected, what to teach. right now he is thinking, maybe russian literature, there and so on. this is absolutely unexpected for me, but, of course, at the same time, among other things, i am now very glad that my children do not study in creative universities, because otherwise they would still be studying at institutes. it would also be a conflict of interest on this side. by the way, i would be a mother, who, as it were, on the one hand , they also hide. that is, nikita has friends. eh, here are his classmates now. eh, well, now, maybe someone already guesses. and so, well, this is an additional responsibility. i understand him very well. my grandfather translated

almost all foreign literature , grandfather, who is lyubimov's favorite translator, yes, and cervantes and simply and rable and please, you, uh, there is a mass, in short, a floor. exactly from the second year of studying abroad there at the zherfak of moscow state university, and now it all begins. and thank god we had 200 people, and no one ever asked me if your grandfather was or not, and i never told anyone, because, well, it’s considered that and says, well, here's the granddaughter, please, she doesn't know anything. well , what is it, and you are something, as it were, on your favorite few or beloved, of course, i always said so, they tell me from tanks. i say, like no, like, no, i’m not sure, but loved ones, maybe alexander was more important then at the faculty of journalism. i say exactly. no. precisely i would like to, but no, as it were, and so on the side. he says, well, let's do it, so that the audience does not have a difficult impression. i'll tell you what i knew from your dad's interview, that when you were a girl, he read aloud to you all of dostoevsky and so on, yes, so the question is a little. dad read me all russian and all

foreign literature, not only dostoevsky , just one book. uh, russian literature one book, foreign, literature, and i did the same thing, you read the same thing. and this is the basis of any relationship. i believe at this point about education. you may study poorly. if well, that is, when your family gives you such knowledge, then, of course, we all sat. uh, booty on the floor in the hermitage and looked at the ceiling at the judging glances of those passing by. so people together we tried to guess the flemings. name of the canvas. standing, away. it was important for me to tell them. it was important for me to show them the prodigal son. it was important for me to go together, of course, and then it was important to me when mikhail borisovich petrovsky showed it to me . but then again, who studied for what, as it were, i believe that what i could and knew.