[000:00:00;00] it must be said, dear friends, that you just see how the work with yesenin is built on the part of the apple 2: 0 group, that we don’t hear these sinister alcoholic, but here are the taverns, which for some reason always come to everyone’s mind when taken for e. so, when they try to make a song out of the lyrics of sergeevich, dear friends, without a night, we can’t watch in any way here we have tonight . and here is the night from the point of view of sergei

alexandrovich yesenin do not return this cool night to me, do not see my girlfriend my own, that in the garden i sing the flying beauty of the night. received the weather, blue endless pouring,

rains, autumn weather came, endless gardens of your heart. i'm taking marina here, i'm telling you. i didn't even know we were going to sing it. i won't repeat. this is exactly what i didn’t repeat the energy of live performance, for the sake of which

the anthropology lamp podcast program on channel one was very much started, and you could, well, moving a little away from our main theme of yesenin’s lyrics, our lead in a state of a village holiday, which actually fills not to love the village river of sergei yesenin, but timur pasada smoke to cook in the mouth, when one tattoo, why don’t you love chests of drawers? why don't you fuck posada go?

driver it lay down, what don't you like? why

are you not a driver in the garden. dear friends of the podcast project, lap anthropology, today we enjoyed yesenin's lyrics performed by the apple two point zero group, and now we just have to thank this brilliant team and wish this project, which is called talyanochka, have a good trip, on our new ones,

good luck dear friends. hello, you are watching the podcast triggers and its leading psychologist tatiana krasnovskaya svetlana is with you. hello, we will talk about my exaggerated maternal love, and even you yourself evaluate it this way, to be honest . yes, i appreciate it. this is how i see and feel. svetlana, please, tell us a little about yourself first. how old are you? i am 50 years old. yeah, i live in moscow and i'm a mother to my son. now it will be 30 years this summer. you live together. and now it's been a year. we don't live together before we lived together. yes he

he married very early at the age of 17. you lived together. the son of his wife and i lived together for 12 years, a very great love that could survive everything, or i so wanted my son to be so happy that for everything else, probably, i, maybe, everything that concerned myself, i didn’t paid attention. uh-huh ok, let's get back to the request. how do you feel? why did you call your relationship with your son so defined as my hypertrophied love. yes, probably, because there are few things in life that interest me more than his life. and it makes me very i was very frightened now why a, because, unfortunately, the son divorced his wife.

in the fall, he left, and now he lives his happy life. hmm, an adult , self-sufficient. and i realized that in general there is nothing for me in my life, yes, because all these years. well, how old was he for 30 years, almost i lived only to be a mother. i liked it so much. this is a role. i liked it so much. mom, that's probably the rest of me. i don't even know what it's like to not be a mom. write about what it's like to be a mom. being anxious is everything caring is all the time to think about what else i can do to make my son happy and joyful, so that everything is fine with him, so that, god forbid, he is not upset, upset. it will be very hard for me to be with you. it seems to me that

your description svetlana of being a mother has slowed down in its development, because you describe what it is like to be a mother and a child. you can be the mother of a child, be the mother of a teenager, be the mother of an adult man. these are different mothers, and everything seems to be different there. you describe the child's mother to worry to take care of. you're right. but it's true, why can't i see that my son is an adult self-sufficient person, why? i don't want to see it? well, because while he is a child , you have a growing hope that he needs you. and since there is nothing else, then this, in fact. the only place where you can realize yourself, i would like to say, as a person, but not as a person. well, at least you can realize yourself then with this identity, i am the mother of a small

child. well, she's acting out just fine. your needs to be fit. svetlana, you said that as if in your life there is nothing else but your son, but is it really you who work? what does your social life look like? yes i'm working. i love my job very much. and i have, i guess, a social life. i have girlfriends. i have friends. i also have a mother, whom i also take care of and take care of her like my son. and you are successful in your work in what we do. which one can you rate? uh huh, what's the job? what are you doing? i work in one big metal house. and i'm in charge of the travel departments. yeah, that is , you are occupying a fairly high position. yes, i really love my job. and as if it would be difficult then to say that there is nothing else, other supports. you have a different social life.

is it true, maybe i meant that i don't see myself as another woman? yes, maybe i'm realized as a mother, as a person? well, tell me, in general, about your decision to become a mother, you were 20 19. yes, in fact, it turns out that i was 21 years old. yes i i never wanted to have children and, well, at the age of 21. i did not want to have children to give so, well , yes, they did not want to have them after 21:00. well, i guess i didn't have that desire. for some reason. i don't know even it's difficult now, unfortunately i had a tragic one. my first son died, at what age and it was a very difficult period. and i was very worried about it, and then

let's talk about this child. tell this pregnancy and the decision to become a mother for the first time. you know , i can't say that it was some kind of conscious choice of pregnancy. yes, there was a pregnancy. i was married. i loved my husband and had sex with him necessarily well, that is, as a result of this, children are born. let's look straight ahead, and now you love having sex. and at some point you will know that you are pregnant. that's what 's happening at this moment. i decide to keep this child. that is, you still have the idea of ​​leaving not leaving. do you somehow live with her or do you discuss with someone? with mom, mom, of course, was for sure that i gave birth to this child, and in general, everyone wanted. what words did my mother find, that you also decided

so, for sure, support was not sure that i wanted this child , i was not sure at that moment that i wanted to live with this man, and therefore the whole pregnancy. i had such a state that i don’t want this child, i’m afraid to give birth to him, because as it goes on, then it will go. my life it will be like already for me. like some. well, spoiled, or something , fate, that's how i go on, apparently, i already wanted to divorce my husband, and i was afraid give birth to this child. uh-huh well, for these nine months no cardinal changes in relations with this man happened, as far as i understand. then why didn't you, for example, have an abortion, after all. why did you listen to your mother? she said, i will help you , i don’t worry, of course, my father and mother supported me all the way through the child. yes, then i'm already a child and unfortunately, after

12 hours, he dies. that i already wanted him, how at what point did it happen, what did they want? i do not know clearly that women during pregnancy occurs certain nature made changes so. yes, a woman in the ninth month of pregnancy usually already understands that the child will be born in any way, yes, and nature arranged it in such a way that the biological processes in the body that you could recognize or which you could evaluate also change. like the desire of this child. well, that's great, isn't it? yes? and then he is born and something happens. there, i do n’t know, you looked at him there, but for some reason he was sick, for some reason he didn’t open up. easy for yourself. he was born at eight months and the body weight was large and not to tell so in the hospital. you have finally found out. well, of course, i had

a tantrum and who had a great sense of guilt, how did loved ones react? well, this tragedy was a lot of work for our family, we will move on to the tragedy of the family. i want to understand how a woman who lies in the box feels, there, i don’t know with other women in labor or alone, yes, and you are alone with your grief, there are no relatives somehow. they probably support you, but 20 how 30 years ago there was no mobile communication and all that with this is connected here you are alone. you have learned that the child has passed away. he was supposed to be in the hospital for a while. how did you deal with your grief and did you experience it or what did you do? i cried a lot or not. doctors came to you about this, maybe psychologists also existed 30 years ago. that is, no one helped you to contain this feeling. wow what

have you done with that guilt. himself for the fact that the thoughts were not like this child. yes , what is it not from what i treated this child, so it happened. you managed to forgive yourself for a moment. i'm on my way to it so to speak. oh, well , at least i understand it more or less. i would like to ask myself at the moment when you were already in the maternity hospital, you and your spouse at that time somehow discussed. what will you name the child? you knew that it would be a boy or a girl discussed, that is, you somehow made some plans that collapsed at that moment. you watch the podcast triggers and its leading psychologist tatiana krasnovskaya is with you, and our guest is svetlana, who found

the courage to deal with her relationship with her son after the death of her first child, your son was born. thank god quickly, yes, it was fast, because i didn’t really want a child. now i really wanted a baby. it was easy. well, such an already obsessive idea is something that you promised yourself. and the child was born from the same man, right? i still knew that i, well, most likely, will no longer live with this man. we will have a very difficult relationship, so i really wanted this child. not just wanted you want it i still and still want to, but it's just strange tatiana asks the right question. if at this moment you promised, for example , you know an oath to yourself, i will always

be there. i will always help everyone and everything. and he, apparently, will be the happiest child in the world. have you heard anything about manya grandeur? how is that? well, this is such a good psychiatric diagnosis that describes the schizophrenic behavior of a person. well, yes, the behavior of a person diagnosed with schizophrenia, mania, grandeur, as i, for example, worked in a mental hospital there were napoleons. there, i don't know, gorbachev. that is, there were such people there. there was one person . unfortunately he is. well, if they were there, i'm sure. i'm sure yes, there were mary's mothers, anyone else? well, that is , any form of the best mothers. there was one

man who, uh, conquered me, then still and still remains my idol, who every night, probably every morning. he woke up a few minutes before dawn. even though he didn't have a watch. went to the window and lit matches and brought them to the window and i asked him once what are you doing this happened right through the stress of many years. i just got there, and he was the only patient who was allowed to have matches. he said, like what, i light the sun. and so every morning. this man lit the sun. he was absolutely convinced that if he did not wake up or oversleep, then he, accordingly, well, the sun would not rise. only you are doing you are doing plus or minus the same thing. you light every morning, the sun that she shone us and keeping your little boy warm, so that the rain

would water him there, i don't know, and so on. well, look. it already makes yours. so to speak, mania, greatness well, just understand, this is not a diagnosis. well, this is such an omnipotence complex. let's forgive a little bit in your life. this complex is omnipotence and, of course, having promised oneself such there, yes in oneself such an oath and the problem is included, because being devoted to the oath. you give yourself as a woman. and why did i tell her that i would like to tell you how a person is realized here, but no, you are realized as a function next to this oath, but personality in this, well, because personality is still a broader concept. yes, to endure, a beautiful woman , a successful woman, a woman, educated and at the same time with everything, who initially said

that this is all there is in life. and you are functionally close to that oath. but it's been there for 30 years. okay, the first 10 years. i still agree. perhaps it should have been possible, although i'm not sure, but then the next 20 years, where you could become happy the woman of the beloved woman. i don't know any woman by any astronauts. you chose to be true to this oath that i will always be near the story he becomes. as if now i'll say it directly. rudely, i can't find another word for a pawn in this game, because your whole life is his. it is for the sake of keeping this oath to be committed to this oath, and as if his life, he cannot live his life, his life becomes not as important as the idea of ​​continuing this oath. obey it directly. all

the rules of the game spoil the mood of his life. it turns out a sacrifice in the name of the life of that dead child. you force him to live the life of a dead child, and therefore you idealize it from all sides , because that child died and his life can be imagined in different ways, but in fact, if you look at your relationship does not allow your relationship to develop, yes , that is, those, here, to whom you are not allowed to make you the mother of an adult man, and he essentially becomes the son of a woman, and no matter how they add up. it's just a new stage in the relationship and it's nonsense. that is, she interferes with both of you. i hope that now , when he left you, he left his wife, well, as if he is just starting a period of growing up, which you will have to face, where

it is important for him to face these challenges. go through those spheres that you cover with your love with your care with your attention. it is important for him to go through these difficulties , it is important for him to take care of you. take care of your mother well look there is good news that in spite of this omnipotence complex all this story about omnipotence. he is everything got out anyway. that's for sure. it's true he got out. that is, it turns out such and such power. no, gone your influence does not extend. in fact, it is an illusion on him that you can do this, but he lives his life separately from you. i'm happy. thank you. you are already beautiful, mother svetlana is simple, but you can’t be too good a mother, because

you are too good a mother. unfortunately, it causes no less injury, but to a man, than a bad one. mom any mother, in general, the cause of all psychological problems a and maternal love. on the one hand, it is support like wings, but it is a lasso. which does not allow a man to be a man boy, please, well, well young man. i still agree there, but still you must need me. there is such a concept of psychology good enough mother. and that's it. you say things that i somehow have to no take it take it. you will accept it. you have no other choice. and here the question is, probably, how can you act now in a new way, how can i act in a new way. this is what i'm asking you. how can you act.

come on, now you live with an adult man. that is, you have your universe there are adult men who do nothing at all. it has nothing to do with your previously born child. and you told him very grandmother loves my mother in the family directly. well, it turns out, yes, she lived, such a family, respectively, mom dad, daughter his daughter. there she married for a pregnancy. and in this family there was a great tradition for mothers to love their sons very much. this is such a generic program. now it's completely

respect for her family, because my grandmother loved my father very much for her son, and she lived and laid down her life. and admired it was like this. here is a cult, yes, this is a mother, this is a real mother. my mother, she is exactly the same, m-m, my older brother loved me. and just like that, she loved us, too, everything for us is a lot of care, a lot. guardianship is absolutely and it was also a matter of pride that like this. so we had a difficult period, very difficult, my father had heart attacks. my brother

got very sick. unfortunately. and here in this moment i still have a child with them yes, the child died. and as if the sun is rising in this family. yes, because everyone got their share, well, as it were, love, yes, and they were also able to realize their love, and it was really a great happiness for our family. we always thought that this was some kind of salvation for our family, because andrei was born because each of us had this opportunity. this is how to love. that's right , in the third person. and yes, they were born. andrey wants to say poor, because further, accordingly, all those hopes that were destroyed are in place on him, until this is right. yes, the father’s illness is there the death of the child and it means to him, respectively

, they hang all this and say, look, we will all love you now. and you should be happy. yes, and god forbid you want. whether you like it or not should be happy such violence in this sense. and of course then i'm sure that every holiday there is a family holiday. discussed this topic is always his birth. just yes on his birthday they talked about how he didn’t live here, but how it would have been, probably, differently, and now you understand that it was in this way that you , in general, placed on him the sacrifice that he had to bear all this time to let go. well, as if everyone had already played their roles. everyone has already played their part. it is enough for you to be, as tatyana said, a good enough mother, and a good enough one. mom, this is a mother who is there when needed, but does not interfere when it is not necessary, when she is not asked. i always when he seems to me, he never asked me for anything. here you go, it's because, apparently, he was like that

then. how to stop? to stop means to distance yourself. and calmly observe what is happening. just distance yourself from a man who has nothing to do with you. after our

first husband, i don't know. yes, somehow this topic does not add up for me. i decided to close it. married does not add up. so than the rich. so i thought that three times this is probably the program maximum and enough, but that's the point you can leave in order to be in a relationship, you can not get married leave. especially at your age, you are allowed to thank you, because you can build relationships that are quite distant, but at the same time they can be quite open. uh, there, i don’t know the guest ones, but at the same time, ah, they can be filled with love, tenderness, care there, but it’s clear that what’s the worst thing to say, what you can do now is to get a cat instead of andrey. don’t do this. better start a relationship in this sense and enjoy your relationship more than that, kind of and watch how it will be do. andrey, your task is to be just

witnesses in his life. but not the source of his life anymore. to be honest, i really hoped and hoped that i would have grandchildren. i'll start living i don't understand. a child in an orphanage you can call him a grandson. you can name it whatever you like. you are free in this sense, that is, as soon as you free your hands from andrey, something will appear. i don't know how it will happen, but something will appear on your task to release stop holding it. i will tell one story to the witnesses that i became i sat with a group my guys, with whom i came to kathmandu and before going to the mountains there. we were sitting in some cafe in the city and well, we spent several days there, because we were waiting for a pass to the mountains. and

in the same cafe they drank tea in the evening, and i watched such a picture at sunset , the family, the swallows had already brought out the chicks and the chicks were already the size of an adult, and in the evening they sat in the server on one wire. so there were four chicks there, and mom and dad. well, how would it be, if you are not an ornithologist, it is not clear who is mom, who is dad, yes, but by behavior it was obvious who are the parents, and who are the chicks mom and dad did a very interesting thing, they flew into a bunch of mosquitoes well, sunset. yes, they caught a mosquito, flew up on the fly, gave birth to chicks, as parents do krug and knocked the chick off the wire. and so they made circular movements. over the course of a few days, i watched it. so they taught to fly. and feed when we arrived, well came the last day. these chicks have already flown by themselves.

this is what took 4 days. this is me. i showed it to my colleagues. and i said that this, in my opinion, is the highest form of maternal love to admit it is very beautiful. by the sea by the blue seas with me the sun shines and for you and me the whole day in my worries. what where when the summer series of games from may 21 to first remember the name i sleep badly conducive to memory recovery, reduced

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a sunny weather, it's warm, but here in general it finds up to -22 in winter. imagine, the glass has become jerky longer, lord faster faster everything here is a buying thing a person is a child. that's just. we take 50 g of cotton and start it like this pulling on oh, wait, it’s purely torn with me and wait, how interesting it takes a long time to study, to do this for a short time 10-15 generations, which is not fashionable for you open clothes - this is not accepted. this is such a tribute to the older conquest. the wife should be all in gold. it's true, yes, most of the time that's how it starts. the most important thing is everything a man does. it's all for her. it seems the life of others will premiere tomorrow on

first with you, his leading psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya svetlana, who found herself courage and sort out your relationship with your son. let's kill two birds with one stone. you are such a beautiful , interesting, charming woman. what does not allow? let a little closer men i think distrust. what kind of danger does a man give you? for some reason i don't trust men. well

, i certainly had my reasons. it's all so painful and embarrassing. i probably wouldn't want to go through all this anymore. i understand that i don't know how it can be, okay. but perhaps the problem is that i don't believe it's possible, well. don't believe it's possible everything that is good. relationships cannot be good, because relationships are at least. well, they either change, or they leave, or they die. in general, no one has a good ending. and, of course, it's probably good when you die before your partner. at least you don't suffer from the fact that he left you, there and so on. well, dead and dead. but if a men die earlier, you understand that a man has two bad qualities, they can be ideal,

for example, an ideal man. he's like he's not drinks does not smoke, he does not exist, and such an average man, like me, like any other person there. he can, of course, not drink or smoke, there and so on, but if he exists, he has one problem, two two two negative qualities. the first he can always leave, and the second he will definitely die and with a high degree of probability earlier than you. well , just like that, as if i agree with the statistics, and therefore a man cannot rely heavily on them. as if this is a fact, but at the same time, for all that, look at the problem in the relationship arises when you begin to build relationships in relationships, as with andrey that is, when your partner becomes more for you than yourself. when the life of a partner or your life as a partner becomes more than your life apart from everyone else. yes, there, and you become a hostage, right? it is not necessary to do so. apparently yes, but it must be learned. here is a good start. i think 50 is a good age to