that is, as soon as you free your hands from andrey, something will appear. i don’t know how this will happen, but something will appear, but your task is to release , stop and hold, i will tell one story that i witnessed, which i became, i was sitting with a group of my guys with whom i came to kathmandu and before going there into the mountains. we were sitting in some cafe in the city and well, we spent several days there, because we were waiting for a pass to the mountains. and in the same cafe they drank tea in the evening, and i watched such a picture at sunset. family, swallows have already brought out chicks chicks were already the size of adults, and in the evening they landed in the north on one wire. so there were four chicks there, and mom and dad. well, how would it be, if you are not an ortholog, it is not clear who is mom, who is dad, yes, but by behavior it was obvious who the parents were, and who the chicks were doing

a very interesting thing, they flew into a bunch of mosquitoes, well, sunset. yes, they caught mosquitoes , flew up on the fly, gave chicks, as parents do small krug and knocked the chick off the wire. and so they made circular movements. during, accordingly, i watched this for several days. so they taught to fly. and feed when we arrived, we came on the last day. these chicks have already flown by themselves. it took them 4 days to do it. this is what i showed to my colleagues. and i said that this, in my opinion, is the highest form of motherly love to recognize an adult. thank you. very beautiful. and with you, his leading psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya, she is our guest svetlana , who found the courage to sort out

her relationship with her son, let's return to your personal life. let me think distrust. and what danger does a man give in himself? for some reason i don't trust men. well, i certainly had my reasons. it's all so painful and embarrassing. i probably wouldn't want to go through all this anymore. i understand that i don't know how it can be,

okay. but perhaps the problem is that i don't believe it's possible, well. do not believe that everything is possible, well, what happens is good, there is a relationship where? i agree with you. relationships cannot be good, because relationships are at least. well, they either change either quit or die. in general, no one has a good ending. and, of course , it's probably good when you die before your partner. at least you don't suffer from the fact that he left you, there and so on. well, dead and dead. but if a men die earlier, you understand that a man has two bad qualities, they can be ideal, for example, an ideal man. he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't exist. and such an average man, like me, like any other person there. he can, of course, do not drink do not smoke, there and so on, but if he exists, he has one problem, two

two two negative qualities. the first he can always leave, and the second he will definitely die and with a high degree of probability earlier than you. well , just like that, as if i agree with the statistics and therefore a man cannot rely heavily on them. as if this is a fact, but at the same time, look at everything, the problem in relationships arises when you start building them in relationships, as with andrey that is, when your partner becomes more for you than you themselves. when the life of a partner or your life as a partner becomes more than your life apart from everyone else. yes, there, and you become a hostage, right? it is not necessary to do so. probably yes, but it is necessary to learn. here is a good start. it seems to me that 50 years is a good age for being excellent and, of course , you had reasons not to trust, but what if now you are already quite able to protect yourself

and regulate this distance between yourself with your partner as it is comfortable for you how do you like this sounds very nice. sounds like wonderful. apparently i hadn't thought about it before. i have a suspicion that another factor influenced this. you see, for example, a tigress, when she dipped, she then did not let the male near her for some time. i mean, she'll fight him because she's protecting the kittens. yes, if i remember correctly, it will last somewhere around 9 months. well, because, well, for a year now, plus or minus, as it were, kittens can somehow run away there to do something else, they feed themselves, but that's just about biological processes that occur during pregnancy lactation yes, one of which

, for example , a tigress at this moment greatly increases the level of cortisol and testosterone, which makes her be more aggressive than she is in ordinary life. that is, she will always be at this level, she will never give birth, and therefore nature regulates this. and in general, if a tigress gives birth, but the cubs are taken away from her, and piglets are put in their place, then the reaction will be exactly the same. it's just that she will protect the piglets, because it is important to her. and until then. andrew was next to you. so close, obviously in many ways you protected him from other men , and it is obvious that this could not but affect your relationship with a man. this is true. well, i just assumed. suddenly it's so, and it 's true, well, sort of, but at some point , uh, the tigress must understand that these guys have all left. so, like, well, a tigress is a little smarter than women. well, in a sense, she understands that these cubs need to be released in order to give birth to the next one. otherwise, it's easy.

well, the tigers will end. here in this context. just look, i'm not going to advise you in this sense to recommend. you need to urgently run to enter into this relationship. i think that the men who are watching this program now, as if seeing, in general, a beautiful, successful , self-sufficient woman, without, uh, problems. well , as a problem, there is an understandable one. but yes, yes, with a little mania, greatness, and moreover, such a caring, yes, such a loving such all of herself. i think they'll line up now. but this is true in another transmission. hold on svetlana on the other side. don't hold on it's in a different gear, as usual. zhenya is being bred, but here i can say that i’m sure that now people are watching men, and, as it were, they say that some kind of woman is a fig, yes and suddenly glory will cover you in such a way that you will be recognized on the street? but be vigilant, but at the same time, you will be brave with everything.

try this relationship just when there is no andrey in your relationship andrey is nearby. well, he is not inside your relationship, they just opened some other dimension in general in understanding this all. we are happy, we are joy before you leave svetlana i am leaving simply with a different awareness of the vision and for me it is so priceless. i have never looked at it from that point of view. i was as if i was flying on some rails. i don’t understand, not visions, i really had one goal and task. here, if only andrew was happy. well then i'll be happy automatically, i'm in general. well now you have opened it to me. eyes and i understand that really my son. he grew up so

smart self-sufficient independent. somehow, maybe i have to stop and already stop. maybe it’s already uncomfortable for me, somehow i can somehow, therefore, he is now already at the other end of the earth in general. or maybe it has nothing to do with you, but in the end it’s really me that you are unusually brave women, really light, thank you very much for dealing with this so sincerely, and i think andrei should be very grateful to you. hi andrey he is a very grateful son indeed. thank you very much. thank you. well, it was a podcast triggers, and you were with him, the presenters tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist, psychotherapist , psychotherapist of psychology sergey on himself and we heard the wonderful story of svetlana

hello. with you, the podcast is a must- read. i am batnikova's main director and writer. today we are discussing the diary of maria bashkirtseva with my wonderful guests, olga breininger, writer, literary anthropologist, translator and vladislav gorodets writer, architect, diary of maria bashkirtseva. this is a well-known work. uh, a girl from 12 to 24 kept a diary, so to speak, from adolescence age before death. and this is the end of the 19th century. uh, europe uh, an aristocratic russian daughter of a wealthy landowner, who, uh, studies and spends time

in europe, lives a stormy and social life. but what is interesting to us, and in this diary and in this document why he is included in the corpus of women's autofictional prose , let's call it that in fact, whether he is included or not. it's still a big question, because uh, after all, in form. uh, this is a diary entry diary. uh, how does it differ from all previous diaries in that it e was originally written for an outside observer for the reader. that is, he is not written for himself, but for others and the bashkirs - this is repeatedly emphasized. and what are the elements of e autofix e? because the bashkirtseva considers herself a heroine. she speaks directly about this and describing herself, as if from the outside, she introduces herself into this text, as a heroine, as characters, and often

abstracts into the same e, emphasizing that the author of these lines, of course, understands everything. but the heroine, there was a silly thing like that, that is, she has an element of the game is actually present from the beginning. well , not that games, but some kind of appeal to the public appeal to the public. yes, he says that i intend to take a photograph of my life, and he sets himself the task of being as honest and frank as possible. that is, it is a self-portrait. eh, and the authenticity of this self-portrait. even some ugliness is impossible. this is the condition of the game that the bashkirs set for themselves, we can say so. we can say so, but if we take a into account stands above the author himself, then we need to recognize that this is not an autofish, but an autobiography, because autofiction is always a deliberate mixture of truth and fiction, and since bashkirsky

declares that she will show herself as she is, uh, in an unsightly ugly in any situation, without trying to embellish herself, then in general, if you follow one of the main definitions of autofishing. uh , those should not be referent, it turns out that the bashkirtsev does not agree. it can be perceived here this declaration of absolute truth and to the last word, as also an element of autofictional narrative. she can be, uh, also part of uh, and the plot is part of the story. yes, i'm telling the honest truth, but in fact, you never know, he says, we don't have the opportunity to check this is such a frame. yes, in which we operate, er, and even this text. uh, we're from the start. we can doubt its absolutely documentary.

at least, because we, uh, don't get the exact dates of the heroine's birth. yes , the date of birth of the sixties is indicated in the first publications. uh, the sixties was not exactly the date. uh, the bashkir was born in the fifty-eighth year, because, and the mother after the death of her daughter. here mother was engaged in the publication of the diary was edited. and yes, she cut it. e life for several years, so that fate seems even more tragic for 2 years. yeah she hits the club 27 hits in 20 seconds. 27 - who is kurt cobain kurt cobain is pak shakur and uh, bashkir and maria well, in general, she gets into excellent company to put it mildly, but here's what confuses me. and when she starts walking into them, she is 11 or 12 years old, she still quite transparent, and then at the age of 15-16. she comes back and makes some

edits herself and uh, then the idea comes to her that u diary - this is her opportunity, and to show the life of one woman. and this is her opportunity to become famous. that is, if you look at her trajectory there, the hero arc, then she has changed quite a lot. here is from 15 to twenty-five, and in the beginning she was driven by desire. what are you going to write about? does she write multiple times all the time? i want fame, i dream of being famous. this, by the way, makes her related to kurt kobey. he is also said to have signed that he wanted to be famous since he was a teenager. and she tries all kinds of arts. that is, she draws and sings. e, writes and it seems to me that at the initial stage she is not just looking for herself. she is still looking for that path, a short path to glory. yes, she remains an artist, but still it seems to me that we know her. first of all , it is from her diary. well, probably about

the artistic value of her paintings. i have to ask you, i want to talk about something about whether you, i think the best russian autofiction specialist there is. today. at you have a lecture about mary of the bashkirs. tell us how you imagine her literary work, in some general context of this auto-effective prose. well, here we need to make a small clarification, or what? yes , maria bashkirtseva is not included in the auto-phishing course, but i have a course on literature of the 19th century, the purpose of which was. well, to shake the canons a little to show what we have conditionally, not only pushkin lermontov tolstoy dostoevsky, but also other women authors, yes, women and lectures about all the main male writers were accompanied. uh, short lectures to women. that is, i spoke. look, we have conditional. and turgenev chernyshevsky we also have

bashkirtsev or zodiac, but these are slightly different time periods. so there is a structure after the bashkir one, it is even mentioned. yes, by the way, i am on the side of lisa to the deacons. well, maria of the bashkirs was the first of this, but at the expense of the artistic work of the bashkirs and architects. you studied? e tell me how you rate. this is the breakthrough of the bashkirs to glory through painting, because their last years are the last 6 years. she throws in social life, she stops hanging out, and , uh, starts working hard from morning to night literally, counting the hours that go to her way to the studio. they move closer to the studio, so as not to spend 2 hours a day, because it's 48 days a year and it means that she is rapidly mastering the path from a student to a leader. e picturesque salons on a par with

the pool or the page and other artists , it must be said that i am not an art critic. but if you trust the art they know, they tell you what to talk about real art heritage of the bashkirs hmm impossible, because she left too early her life was the first too early, as art historians note. uh, a real breakthrough departure from academism. she had in the last 2 years. eh, and that is, she went to the peaks on the ascending line and it is not known how high this line would go, but she left. just starting to open up. here in their latest work. and olya, uh, mentioned this and i would like to develop the idea here. uh, i think that uh and diary. e, bashkirskaya and her painting. yes, they initially proceeded from the intention to become famous. yes become uh, popular celebrity. she even writes at the age of 15. such a purely beloved and vain person like me needs to become attached to painting,

because it is a very lively inexhaustible activity. i will therefore neither be a philosopher nor a chemist. i can only be a singer and an artist. this is already a lot. and then i want to be popular. this is the main thing, in general, pragmatic choices, but, er, choosing the path of painting bashkirism. they think that this is just a path to glory, but this choice completely transforms her, as can be seen from the diaries. i agree personality is transformed. she goes from m-m immature infantile whimsical. e ladies into a real sacrificial person who is really ready for the sake of art. uh , give up everything that was dear to him before. and that is. uh, no matter what the intention, uh, the bashkirtseva truly embarks on the path of the artist, eh, but eh. well, you can be like a man. uh, art, yes fine uh, appreciate her dash. you

understand that this is unrealistic. at this level of painting, her painting hangs in russian in the museum, her painting hangs in the durce museum in paris . that is, it is really, the highest level , the highest one, maybe, and she passed it very quickly. do you understand this? you understand that some work is behind this citizen wrote and, of course, i understand. but as it seems to me, this is a debatable issue, but i'll express my own. what, uh, an artist is fair to call important or accomplished, if he set some direction, had some influence on the leading uh, well, not necessarily innovators in general, uh, an artist is considered important if he changed the cultural landscape, if some of his ideas sprouted into the future, so, well, it is important to note that the ideas of the bashkir her, er, some finds in painting. yes, they did not find a proposal, there are no people who would confirm the influence, uh, on their art,

which, by the way, is unlike literature. well, in the diary, her influence is obvious, and many authors of the silver age were carried away. you can even say to some extent in love with this plus tsvetaeva bryusov khlebnikov it would seem that they have completely different aesthetics, but, nevertheless, white a and i that this book begins as a diary of a young girl seeking popularity through ah. appearance is not, through art, uh a little more difficult, but when she stops at painting, and when she becomes real, and uncompromising and cruel to herself in and it seems to me that the artist begins when he is ready to be cruel to himself . that's when this story, which is personally

interesting to me and enchants me, and i become in love with it. and it seems to me that, uh, when an artist devotes himself to everything, that is, puts himself on the altar of his work, then this cannot but cause. here is some profound change. and whether it be art, visual literature, i don’t know what she would not choose, but the fact itself, but such a work, ah, he produces. in any case, yes, and he commands respect, but i can say that really one of the features of this diary is that it begins quite predictably for an aristocratic environment, yes, for a girl who is very rich, very beautiful and, let's say , artistically, yes, and we expect, of course, uh, after describing all the fans scores and the like outfits.

of course, we are waiting for what she looks like to be married to some italian cardinal’s nephew, yes , and or hmm that she will spin some kind of there, i don’t know, crazy romance or well, in general, she will do something, maybe through her appearance yes, connected with her beauty and skill. these are your expectations. in fact, it is very sad that we expect this to be our stereotype absolutely at some point. eh, the template breaks and we understand that this is a serious person. before us is a serious man. she chooses not get married. it can be said that she completely renounces the female path and works like a beast in order to be perceived as a personality . that is, she writes about this that if my painting gets into the salon, i will be perceived as a personality for her. it is very important that she evokes with her work. yes, not by appearance e , not by the money of her parents, but by her work and the fact that she chooses this path, of course, suddenly, it turns out to be unexpected , just like her tragic death earlier, her

demands on herself are growing, because in at some point when her painting enters the salon. she says, or rather, writes about the fact that uh hmm in the cabin, but exposes this daub. and if this is a daub and is real art, then this is not the biggest compliment for me, that is, the level of self-criticism of reflection, in comparison with the girl we are on the first pages, is completely different. and it seems to me that this is self-criticism, it has roots in its narcissistic character. she is by nature a narcissistic person by nature , and this can even be seen from the way she relates to one's own appearance. here, as she is thrown from side to side, uh, she delights in herself and says how wonderful she is and that everyone should bow, and right there, uh, on the next page, she can say that there is nothing special about me and there the standards of soviet women.

i have no interest in these people. i'm not dissembling anything, and i remember such a moment, and she describes how she came to russia because she lives on her father's money in paris in rome in nice well sometimes there is a village near poltava in russia. hmm, and at some point she comes, of course. since then, in this chatter, they make some kind of visits, and she herself mentions that someone says to her, what the daughter of the bashkirs, a wonderful beauty, saw, and she summarizes nothing and these people have not seen in their lives , or here she writes e at 16, if i'm as good with myself as i say, why don't they love me look at me fall in love, but they don't love me, who so need love. well, that is, e and her grades, and own own literary works. she also, uh, often criticizes

herself. e, they say that the description of some primitive e everyday things. i spent such pompous high words, they are proportionate. what does she have? well, such an uneven attitude towards herself, then criticism, then love about how she is, and yes, emotional swings, because sometimes. says yes. do you think that i , uh, spied on someone? no, this is my own thought. or there, she revels in some of her prettiness there. and sometimes she says, oh, i can't describe it. it’s better for you for such details to zulya or there to balzac, yes, go, uh, or there, uh, it’s impossible to describe, in order to feel it you need to be me, that is, she signs her insolvency. as a writer , too, but on the other hand there is a wonderful moment. e in the ending, which i really like, and she reads the essay in thick. ah, in a dimont and says that her soul rejoices and at

the same time, she scolds herself for being a foreigner, she lives in france and does not leave to russia but why doesn't she do it? yes, why, because she can study only in paris she is kept alive, and she writes. i work in the same way for the glory of my motherland, if i have time. some kind of tolstoy's talent will develop. it's quite high. evaluation of myself, i understand, yes, everything, of course , is an ethical swing, but on the other hand, she writes, e, i'm not brilliant, but i want them to consider me as such. but this is already a clean astana. in fact. we can open every page and find two polar quotes and they will all be right. this is a podcast a must-read with you aglaya na batnikova, director, writer, podcast host, we are discussing the diary of maria

bashkirtseva, uh, with olga breininger a literary anthropologist, writer, translator and vladislav gorodetsky writer, author of the book inversion, my lord and architect. i believe that in every person there are certain products of contradiction, and the fact that we note this in the diary of the bashkirs suggests that she is really honest, but she treated her work and this task. olya, did you study at marina abramovic uh, you're a digital artist. if possible, say so. and if possible, say so. uh. please tell me if there are any signs of a conceptual project in the diary of the bashkirs, when a person treats his life as material and makes himself. the object of his art, does this old diary have such signs? i think so, and i think that from the moment she returned to

her diary at 15 hmm wrote a foreword, writing in the foreword that she doesn't like to write a foreword and uh, began to edit his. i think she did. this is to intentionally create a certain image of yourself. and this is the first second. still. she was quite versatile. you're in your best interest, uh, and your creative endeavours, and i think she still has it. eh , of course, this is not marina bravovich, but she did not have the opportunity to rise to such power and comprehend her own work, but women could not get an education at the end of the 19th century. that is, we see a thirst for knowledge. she reads a lot. knows, reads languages there are some classical texts in the original, but nevertheless we understand that she is deprived of a systemic education, and this is felt

even though she reads a lot. eh, well, its possibilities and tools of reflection are quite limited, because after all, this is what education gives us, and it goes in a naive way, but in an intuitive intuitive way, but nonetheless. it seems to me that some kind of vague idea of ​​what the main object of art is. it's not even her diary. these are not her paintings, but she herself , he can be traced, and she gradually to this it's another thing that the saddest thing is that we can never understand a story until we read it to the end, in general, peter brooks has a famous book, religion on photo plates, and he says that we read, and on out of order we we honor it from beginning to end, and in the case of the bashkir e, yes, from the end of the beginning, yes, and in the case of the bashkir e

, we lose that very starting point where we can really appreciate history. you do not understand that the beginning is not exactly the end. we understand that this story is interrupted and that's all she could would become? she probably could become many, she could grow significantly in artistic power and in depth. and this did not happen. by the way, here it is. i think that too. hmm. it could very well have happened. maybe it's this broken life. uh, formerly a tragic death, maybe that's part of the image and part of her charm. is not it, there is romanticism in it. but er, it seems to me that here are the years of such work, which is described in the last part of the diary, they would give her. just more than the romantic aura before of death. and how do you guys feel about such a turn of events that she abandoned

love and relationships. i want to quote on this. one moment i really liked. i get this topic. yes, damn it, you point it, she just entered, uh, to study, yes , to the art school julian. uh, it's a separate thing to say that this is julian's studio. it was the only place where women could study women a serious place where women could be treated and that's why she doesn't leave paris even though she doesn't like paris. some of the days. eh, they got an ugly, nature. they solved it. uh this moment. i thought that how you feel is very beautiful. he was still paid some pennies anyway. so he doesn't care. c i. so they went to the monastery. we enter the monastery and bring with us. so much playfulness, fun, that solemn peace is revealed. we go to the reception room, er, boarding houses, and i

make sister teresa dance. she wants to recruit me and praises the monastery for me. and i also want to recruit her and i praise the world, and they she tells her how cool it is to live in monasteries, and maria is told that the world is beautiful, but the recruitment took place only not along the line of religion, but along the line of renunciation of the world. and the bashkirs naturally turn into a nun when she, uh, gets in the way of art. she naturally refuses from uh, love from uh, the joy of life from the brilliance from the theaters from what she loves and what has surrounded her all her life. she even eventually stops writing. i don't care how i look anymore. yes she becomes here on this path.

this is pure monasticism and she dies a virgin, so ideological recruitment, when a person is offered an idea through which it seems to him, he can, well, either get closer to some desired state or open up in this case, yes, she is very, but it seems to be successful offer this idea, which becomes the vector of teleology of its further movement. i do not agree with the fact that it was a nun who recruited, of course there is another. it seemed to me that it was her voluntary saying that the rhyme happened. she was the punk of her time. it seems to me that she refuses this path precisely because it is too predictable, obvious, too simple, that is, this is a choice towards something complex, that she comes from expectations. no, she goes her own way, do not look back at any expectations. well, that is, without trying. break them without trying to obey them. she just has a different path. i have the third version. although she lists quite a lot of

loves. i always had the feeling that this was falling in love, you know, like medieval kurtaz poetry, when there is a beautiful lady when she needs to be loved and written, but at the same time a knight who writes poetry, he does not even know and has never seen this beautiful lady, that is, the bottom line is this, and the bottom line is just to love, but to be in this able to be emotionally inspired. yes, and it seems to me that for a long time for the bashkirts , and love was not seriously interesting for her, it was important to feed on, and feed on to catch inspiration, but it seems to me that if she thought about the family seriously, this prevented her from working. this was disturbing her. dedicate yourself to painting, and therefore all loves are platonic.