i treat you to coffee. good afternoon lawyer. thank you commissioner, but i'm not going anywhere. you don't want to go to rome with me, i want to show you the colosseum, divide rule.

could have helped me. i killed her, you get rid of her, all the same, i don’t want to stain my best jacket with blood. while

half of calabria hunted for me, where were you, and uncle you have to learn everything. better check next time whose money you're stealing. we made them and taught your mother a lesson properly. you, like your father, fell in love with a cossack girl, huh?

doesn't this concern you? what are you going to tell her? the truth? your father's story. didn't teach you anything. is it the whore that raised you? didn't teach you anything. you can only trust brains, rock, remember that. she will understand.

the end is dedicated to irmana, kurti and fernando delyal.

hello this is a podcast of the psyche, where i am

a journalist, natalia loseva, co-hosted by a clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, mikhail khors, we unravel the labyrinths of psychological problems of tasks. well, different here are such quotes of our beautiful heroes. today we will talk about divorce our heroine, the famous singer natalya vlasova, also experienced a divorce 5 years ago. i went through a very difficult divorce. the most tragic painful situation in my life. it seemed to me that everything just collapsed, that is, all life stopped at the moment. i believe that it was the most correct thing that heaven could send, but you know, one amazing moment remained. for example, i can drive up to the house where we lived for 15 years, right? and suddenly, and this is absolutely uncontrollable, i start to sob. just here it is. i just have tantrums happen. this is a very rare case,

well, once every six months, probably, somewhere i can't explain why i'm crying. why because, because i am aware that everything is much better now and we are great friends and so on, but you know, this is the feeling that the feeling is not there, you know, uh, what, there could be in a different way, or you know, here is such a moment that everything is of course. how old were you when you met we met when i was 20 you were already on stage at that moment do you know almost as soon as i shot a video for the song i, well, that is, literally 3 days later we met my husband. my future husband, so i had 20, he was 205. and you are just children. yes, he did not know any of the artists at all, except for alexander rosenbaum, my oleg mityaev. therefore, the fact that i am there is generally something of no suction at all. he, and we met in st. petersburg, and he and i, uh

, were born there for the sake of it, and he was engaged in a simple business that had nothing to do with show business, here but we had love at first sight. you know, it was like this, an amazing feeling when a psychologist says what it's called, when you know when you look at your eyes and you can't look and think, now he will notice, he will notice that i am not indifferent to him. but, well , sort of, yes, that is, it's impossible not to count and it seems that you're just all naked. i'm this myself this is my most beloved. you know, when i don't even have flirting. this was once in a lifetime. it was with my husband. it's amazing. that is, i explained myself for them, got to know you , passion puffed love, and you will soon got married. yes, we lived 20 years together 20 years a month and we have a daughter of 16 years. yes, and the last 3-5 years there, relations

have become so complicated. hmm. well, that is, we just became strangers, that is, we had nothing to talk about at all. i mean, he didn't, uh , take my uh, well, he never really liked it. this is show business. that's all that takes a woman from the family. well, how about these trips, well, everything in general, that is, he is such an hmm introvert, that is, he does not go anywhere at home, where there are a lot of people, that is, my whole lifestyle. it's complete the opposite of how he wanted to see his life, but it happened. it's crazy love it took 20 years for you to understand that you understand, at first crazy love. she, uh, compensated for everything, that is, the person abandoned his business. he followed me from st. petersburg to moscow, he did what he didn’t like, because he believed that i was writing brilliant songs, and he simply had to. well, that is, it fell out like this, still respected what you are doing, of course, he is the person whom i caught at night, when he thought,

that everyone is sleeping sitting in the hall. in addition to listening to my songs under the piano and thinking, in general, over all this, that is, he says, he was the main like-minded person in the world. that is , roughly speaking, when no one could believe in me, he could give the last money so that we record the song in the studio. i remember very well the time when they plundered all his business in st. petersburg from him and we lived only for a day on the money that she brought, well, ours was done with him. well, that is, mine and he helped me in everything, and i remember that there was a situation, when we broke the piggy bank to buy food, but at that time we recorded 5 songs in the studio. well, recording in the studio is very expensive, of course, and there have never been questions that, perhaps, it’s different, and then we came to the moment 7 years later, when daughter was born. and here it is, that is, the daughter

was born 7 years after , like we also got married after 7 years, because we we didn’t get married before, that is, when i got pregnant, we decided to formalize the relationship, and we signed and but by this moment he was already in your, in fact, business -partner. well yes, that is, we were some others and there were some companies. you know, when we moved to moscow in 2000, and our daughter was born in 2006. ah. we periodically tried to collaborate with different labels, but let's put it this way. we didn't get it all right. well, in general, who are when i got pregnant, we came, uh, hmm, with the fact that he realized that show business was not his at all. well, that is, he just can’t find how to live with him, because he is an extremely decent person who doesn’t understand what a word is gave. tomorrow he was abandoned there , some of these things are completely impossible, so he all understood that he had gone into some other business. yes, he just

started a new business in moscow from scratch. and i gave birth to a child, and 2 weeks after the birth, i already performed and that's it. he didn't care for me anymore. only such an adviser at home, yes, but he could, well, he certainly helped me, there is money there , clips, some kind of clip to shoot and so on. although i ’ve been there for 10 years, i didn’t shoot anything at all, at some point we gradually gradually came to a point 15 years into our relationship where we just had nothing in common because he didn't drive. me for any of my business. he did not attend my concerts at first because he was worried, and then because he simply hated show business. that is, for example, i played there with valentina a vegetable gaft on stage for several years, he has never been on ours. well, never at concerts. uh, there i played on the stage of a musical. he also never saw me on stage. well, that is, that is, the last 10 years.

he was nowhere for me, that is, until a certain moment you were connected with him by a common cause, yes, then this business flew apart, that is, only the house of life and daughters remained in common. and how did you decide to divorce? it was his initiative, your initiative, since we have, and i was endlessly offended by this one, well, like indifference, which they came to. that is , i understood that and what can we discuss if i come? i have some kind of life event for me. yes, and he may not even ask to see what kind of song is over there, well i mean, completely. you, of course, excuse me for interrupting, but for me this whole story is a huge egoism. from your side of mine, right? yeah, it means that while my husband was investing , he was running around, watching concerts, drinking all his money to the penny. you must have been with him. i didn't think so at all. here he means that he has ceased to be interested in your

work, that the business and the formulations immediately began to have nothing in common. we have absolutely nothing to do with anything. and after that he went. no wait, as primitive as possible. yes, i can ask both. please tell me if we always instead of music or show business. yes, let's say any business of life any business, i do not know the master. uh, you do this by laying out the tiles in the bathroom, but from the side of the inscription it looks. so i have a life's work, then my partner is obliged to participate in this matter, no, and russia did not participate very much. no, i'm the opposite, so i went out. so what, this is an infinitely primitive look, i understand that you want very beautiful such lace to betray all this, but in fact it turned out. that's what. well, if you want to, you can, of course,

formulate it this way. no, everything was different in my life, tell me, when did you start so much and he had his own business of some kind. here's yours, to be honest. here you are now, as some remember, yes, your conversation is in the kitchen there or in the car. you were driving somewhere. they mostly revolved around your interests or, nevertheless, they affected you. what he did. and you know there's a moment where he did what he did just for the money. well i mean it wasn't a day, uh it might to do, as a talented person, this fifth tenth - this is not something that even he himself would like to talk about there, well, just just business. i just don’t know, they sold, they bought, they sold, well, some things like that, yes, he refused completely without reverence from his business when he decided not, but of course he was, because he drowned moving around, that is, the business was pulled to pieces, and because he drowned in what he was doing at the waist, tell me, he had no doubt that this was the right thing to do. he understood that he

could either follow me to moscow or we let's part. that's why the ego did not have a choice at all, yes, either you follow me, or we part. i didn't propose to him at all. he himself decided to make this choice. but i really could have met. i already worked in moscow already, and like you go there with me, or we don’t stay. no, no, no, that doesn't sound right. i want the opposite, i went to moscow on business and on one of the trips. i arrived and, uh, found that he had moved in with me, having made the decision to live with me and be with me. that is, it is just completely birth. yes for 7 years before birth. but you didn’t have love , accepting this person differently than you want, not drowning in your personality, you didn’t have a sublime one, therefore, as soon as he stopped drowning in your rays. you said we have nothing in common. goodbye, psychotherapy. usually they look, please keep this in mind, i now conclude that it

is very correct that i am doing the right thing, that i am not walking anything. i'm the only one, of course. can you say what you don't like, yes happy and my husband. now after this divorce also feels like a lot of people get into the head of us, well, we just know, but he loves me and lives from and his family and the new ismoise is not evidence of your husband's happiness. that is, now you don’t have problems, in principle, now i want to shout to the whole world, please, call, endure relationships in which there is no love. when you are happy, love you enough pops. but when your heart is broken, what to do, how good it is without women and without phrases, our guest is a devilish virtuous performance of sergey

fedotov associates vertinsky having learned. this is an absolutely monstrous story. here's a song he wrote literally there in half an hour and sang. he's right in the face. this is a novella. i was able to re-educate gentlemen. do not be afraid, we will be friends and began to collect money to help the kids there and you know the money the school director bought a carpet for his office, when vertinsky found out about this, he almost strangled this director. now you want to sing, you don’t need a song, yes, the song tomorrow on the first tinkov

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tinkoff cash loan to the card immediately deferral of the first payment up to 90 days issue a cash loan and receive money right now, he is the only one. this is a podcast of the psyche, my co-host mikhail horst my name is natalya loseva and our guest today

is singer natalya vlasova and we are talking about divorce, correctly i understand that this one the path to divorce, it was for your spouse . you know, business failures are marked with milestones. why and where does the business of failures have to do with it? well, because he finished his business, which was then started in moscow with another business, which was a business, and there and there he was not successful, he was not successful in show business. and when he did everything else, he was fine. of course, i knowingly clarified with you both. is it possible to transfer this situation to some other profession, because i know families of doctors who divorced because they worked in one department. yes, i know families of teachers who divorced because they worked at the same school. and we are with you. find unfortunately, there are many examples when people get divorced not because they fell out of love

with each other, so many marriages burn out burn out. it’s just that these ashes turn into volcanic ones, when a man and a woman, in addition to the love relationships of children in everyday life, also have a common job or some common work tasks , it’s very correct that we stopped working together - it’s glory to you, lord, if we continued to work together. we would never 20 did not live for years. let's go back a little more. so here. tell us about the circumstances of the divorce. as i understand it, as far as i know, there appeared information that there was another child. yes , it means, uh, this is the situation in which we, and as strangers, could not communicate with each other at all. it led to the fact that we decided to live in the grove. he is at the dacha in the city and pelaga did not know anything. well, as if it ’s more convenient for dad to live outside the city. ah, i'm

in the city, and we came to the country for the weekend, everyone talked together, and then i was normal again for weeks. yes, and so it went on. uh, 4-5 months. i did not allow the thought that it was possible, well, if there is no bad and happiness, just go get a divorce and find other people. that is, it was something incomprehensible to me. that is, i listened to the stories of others and thought about how they even do it. but this is the husband. this is the hand and foot. how can you unfasten and move on. so when we parted for him, lord, please do this, so that just here, so that i don’t know what, but so the whole world just turned upside down in four months. so he came and said pelageya would be a sister. that is, god sent me what i asked him, of course, to voluntarily tell it. and as it was at that moment , at that moment my world literally collapsed. that is, i had a feeling that

they just cut off a part of the heart, a part of how it was, dear, pour me, please, there's tea. you know, oh , by the way, plagiarising joy will sister no, but yes. we did have. well, sort of a strained relationship. he just came there to see pelagia. i don’t know, there to kiss her before going to bed, for example, after work and went to the country. and back where and hmm here, he just came one evening and said, we need to talk and just said it. well, he was kind of shocked himself. you didn't know he had another woman already. no, i don't know, but usually children are made with those. who you have known for a long time. no, it was an accident, no one planned for a child, that is, but how would he be such a person that an accident an accident when he left, that you then there are no concepts i have what will happen next, that is, will we be together with this woman, because it's all just that fell like snow on our heads, but the child will be like, well, of course,

i was in complete shock . i cried for 2 months 2 months. i was in such a tragedy that, but then i realized that you, as a psychologist, would probably give me an answer here. and it was in fact. at this point , it was selfishness. that is, like, not because i need him not because i would like to give birth to this child, but simply that how it is, how it is here is someone alien to me, that is, something very mine, that is, there was something in it. well, yes, i don’t know for men for men, you can excuse me, but still psychologists are here. yes, we make recommendations. some to myself in the plural yes, here are recommendations for men not to drown in women. come on, don’t give up everything for the sake of women, even if a woman really

wants and demands it. still, leave something of your own, including women. yes, even keep it for yourself too, so that the wife of these yes, don’t hear, don’t focus, but don’t drown, don’t cut off all your own, because, firstly, don’t valued 100% is beginning to be perceived as the norm, of course, what does it mean that another person has dissolved in me. this is at first very nice excellent. no. that is, when a man begins somehow to return to his selfhood, it turns out that you don’t need one like that, what is it? ugh? phew, i just belong. it is very important for me that a man be a personality. that is , i would never want in my life to have nothing but me. well, this is the story told. i, you know, i want to finish this thought very

important that here i am at this moment, that is, or rather, when 3 years have passed. i absolutely sincerely came to the idea that through this shock, through this shock, well, first of all , uh, heaven, the universe god can call it whatever she gave me. that's what i wanted to return the bottom everything turned upside down, yes, and without this. that is, he did not give me the opportunity for us to stretch it out for another year, because at that time we were already 3-5 years old. we saved our relationship, and it was, but absolutely a regression, how did you try to be saved and the relationship told him that he must e be. eh, you are dissolved again. well, i don't even know. why are you talking this nonsense. that's how he tenderness i affairs plunged interested, what would they be in life in their affairs? she didn't let me. we do not need it, of course, absolutely of course , when he had to work, he did not tell.

yes, listen, such a deal was a heavy force, as the goddess says, and here you are with your business. well, it’s impossible in things he told, but, in principle, he didn’t like it when i was the other way around, what’s there, but tell me how you have it or somehow found it, what you don’t, but global things. i knew, but there, like. tell me how the meeting with this one, like that one, but he liked to have some kind of space of his own, and i don’t have anything in common with you, except for pelagia. what hasn’t been talked about for the last three to five years, that’s the point, because when asked how i’m doing , he’s not interested in hearing that he doesn’t like it all, of course, that is, this one has accumulated , but the invasion burned. why am i even telling myself, i didn’t want anything, you understand, right? and that is, uh we're his life like so can? well, of course, i was interested in him. eh, as if by life as much as he

is with us, his whole life, in fact, took place. well, as if in our house, that is, friends all came to visit us because he never liked to go anywhere, so his friends are our mutual friends, they all came to visit us, and we don’t know there at the big tables fireplace, if it's summer, then there are tables on the grass, there are conversations of infinity. i mean , we didn't have anything in common. is not common, here are the friends were common. well, you know, here there was an interesting moment, by the way. here tell me, as a psychologist, when friends come. all is well. well, i mean, we're wondering, we're talking to friends that you're pretending and, uh, pretending to be a happy family, you really had a good time with friends, i mean, it was much easier for us with friends than alone, as soon as the guests left, such silence, and everything tells us nothing , you understand, that is, they continued the topic there, i don’t know about football, about the weather, about the police. somehow not only that was in a friend of friends. and you did not pick up this conversation and the two of you

there was nothing. this is the first time i'm thinking about this, i'm thinking for the first time. so i thought, but it was just like that, was it possible? what do you think? michael by the way, what do you think natalya could this marriage still be saved? i'll still notice. here is this very important moment when topics for conversations end, not because these topics do not exist. yes, we, er, when we communicate with dear close pleasant people. we don't make that up over dinner tonight. i was yes about that, it's the same intimacy openness. well it will go of course, yes they have it gone yes it is let me tell you how my wife communicates with her mother. so she keeps a plan for several days, what to tell mom about, my god, and then sits down on the phone and tells, because my wife wants to talk with mom to find common topics. and he knows that, perhaps, mother herself, well, she will not

do this. yes. here is how a person who wants to find common fellowship behaves. there is a psychologist, because there is a word mother, and yet between a man and a woman. it seems to me that there are other cases, you need to look for guys for me it’s very, and the call is so shaking was, yes, when this moment comes, when it starts to annoy you. well, that didn’t bother me at all before. well, it’s annoying everyday things that you haven’t paid attention to for years, but here in the classics it simply says that there is no love, that’s all about the fact that the crisis has come, you understand, but here we are fanatically infantile for 5 years that there should be no crisis. why shouldn't. i'm telling you this, you can't hear me. we have been trying to overcome chris five for 5 years. what to do? it's huge. let's try. i am i suggest you now hypothetically

imagine that there is also a magic barrel that puts time back and there are these five years for your question. it was possible to save the marriage, and how it could be saved was the only way i believe to become, but that's not when you felt the crisis. there , the responsibility is on the man once again, this is his dissolution in life at the waist. yes, it led to the fact that they lived for some time, here in the clouds of wakme, and then the usual real life seemed to them a painful gray. here's to me you need to drive relationships there, you know what happens to most people after that, when they fall over there, over there. develop. and what is it called? here is this syndrome, when from there to there? and, what do you call there a disorder of 7 years, and uh, they just breathed each other. here of course it was necessary to breathe without each other. so

it was necessary to part ways somehow to think like that and decide that or maybe something our life is going on there, that is, they should have understood at some point. yes, natalya do so at some point, she should have understood that they are a friend other perry saturated period. yes, of course they overheat and it was necessary, moreover, it was not in vain that i focused on the fact that you have a business. general has become. yes, i didn’t let go, even in the store just one, so that there was an understanding. i mean, we got caught. listen, this is already a victim. my husband did not let me go, then 7 years. you got fed up with each other, didn't you? yes, it was overkill. i think that initially, if in these 7 years we are so right, you say that the husband is his own business. it wasn't right at all it was wrong that he started uh do show business. it was wrong to devalue yourself and be such a servant of you, but at the same time he knew about

the triangle. yes, there is a tyrant, a victim and a judge. so at first he was like yours, i don’t know, he served as a savior or served as a victim, but then he became such a tyrant when e no, i won’t let you into the store. here i am, yes, here, look, it was wrong for you to get high. like a drug addict to sit on this needle of this constant service, and on his part, of course, it was wrong in you dissolve further from your side. the mistake was that you obeyed when he said you wouldn't go to the store without me, i should have said. bam, honey, i'm a free man. i'm going to the store without you. and unmistakably, this means that when we parted, they each shared that it was a shock for them. and for me it's the norm.

it was as if i didn’t understand that it was possible in a different way, because if i ended up somewhere alone , we were on the phone all the time so that he wouldn’t worry that here i live, i’m alive and healthy, that is, roughly speaking, i have personal there was no space, in general it, well, as if it was absent in life. we had such a common space. it was wrong. here, that is, you at some point turned. yes, you understand from this. well, although you know, when i got pregnant, i remember this pregnancy , and it was the happiest period of my life, and we became even happier, when i was pregnant, it’s true, and so we hugged endlessly now. how do you know? how do you think it is possible to live with a woman and not feel when she is happy or unhappy or a happy man, of course you can have no evidence. that he was happier he behaved like a happier person. yes? did he want, maybe we were shown very much during pregnancy during childbirth, the distortion was

terrible, when she got pregnant, he started his own business, he left and started show business, so just when i gave birth everything was harmonious . i just then thought that it's great that, like, i had some kind of even, happy family life. yes and that is, after this beautiful plateau, it began, as i understand it, gradually. yes, yes gradually. and he means you why , because you began to resist, what did you do , what did your husband do wrong, that everything was fine, look, firstly, this is still a very important point. you know what i'm saying, he tells me, they devalued this plato plato this is a plateau of equal happiness, in which there was no sun. donuts of these prominences that burn everything out. you understand, this is it. oh, shortness of breath from happiness, and this is an experience, decide.