yes, i threw off their money before december. i think there's a bunch of them out there. i think it should be interesting. i go in , rake everything out, start counting, understand that i can buy an apartment, and i bought it. i also bought my first apartment in 1995, and also on the first day. i thought so somewhere in august ninety-five, because it was in september that i bought the first apartment the best hits of the camets.

and the rains will wait today, i'll turn off the phone. we will be just the two of us, let the sadness pass. you are more important to me today. and others wait? you tell me where you were, what you did.

you tell me where you've been. you tell me how you are a wife, what did you do, what did you do without me, and my dear, where are you, my dear? where are you?

golden glasses we tried to warm, but we do not feel the heat. i can not hear you. can't we understand each other?

and something started with you, like sex symbols have gone into money. by the way, we have a podcast in the paws podcast, easy money, there is no easy money. i'll tell you, firstly, you have to pay for all the money, and secondly, if they light, they will go away easily. how much do i believe? well, i want to say an important thing now, look, if something bad does not happen in life, an experienced lesson, all of our it would seem enemies. these are our teachers, of course. it seems to me that everything that happens. eh, in our lives. this is our path, after all, in which we do not know how to fight with our own egoism. we always have the opportunity to either become better or stay. this is the way to solve these problems in the outside world in the outside world, these problems are not solved. they become stronger stronger stronger stronger. but once you're a tumbler. i switched for myself. you said

this situation doesn't bother me anymore. i passed it and everything is fine and the situation around is also changing, thank god if i am growing popular for myself, as well as on the part of september 27, 1995 . yes, i have my own set of qualities. could, probably, not withstand, therefore, this is that is, he stretched it. this is for 3 years and 3 years. i was preparing for 3 years, and therefore, when they suddenly showed me, these calls began to fall. my phone has become be silent. i would be ready for it, but the persecution had to bow. well, bowing, probably not, but skinhead people in the nineties who wanted to say this to find out if i liked their city, how we would divide the day, and there were many. here, the most extreme case that i remember, it was the ninety-sixth year. uh, january. i had two big sonics in the russian concert hall which have now been demolished a long time ago. and on the eve of the first concert, i was according to all laws. the genre

is taken to the forest and carried out. there with me until the morning outreach activities. here i mean the director is being arrested. they come keyboardists scared. and so i come to this concert almost naked, like sokol, and this is a huge audience. here is the leader. yes, thank god, they sent me back somehow. so these two concerts have passed. and to be honest, i experienced it. that was such a big injection of such a vaccination, which then , uh, now they tell me, and what was there, kiev in the nineties, when everything was fine, in principle, this bracket was an organized crime group or is it straight? this is my director. there, he twisted some of his nuances. this is how it affected me. yes, ir we will return to you. e your stories are connected with calmness, someone became, kiril was pursued by someone, what the fans gave were expensive, there were no gifts,

there was no such thing from the fans. here i answer. firstly, i could not take it, because it is a responsibility. so from those with whom she lived. yes, there were, and my fans were different at some point, she calls me, the girl says, good evening. arina you want to shoot some kind of advertisement there. let's meet and discuss. i meet there near my house. with a girl to hear. uh, i called you for a completely different reason, and my boss. he wants to meet you and give you a car. well, apparently for the night or something there? i say, shame on you, in general, why? have you called me here? she wait, wait there, like, he's very modest, shy, and so on. i say, look, i don't want to hear this

bullshit at all. she says, or is he ready to give 100,000 money, like, but right now i i say, no thanks before that to the boss , that he is a fool , he says more. this is a hint 20 years later. today, irina saltykova and kai metov are visiting me, what was happening in your list at that time. namely in. what time is 95, look in the ninety -first year, i developed with my first wife . hmm. to be honest, the divorce was hard for me. i lay there for 2 months, then i didn’t see the child for some time. but, probably, this all led to the fact that i wanted to, but it was motivated anyway for some global changes in life. and that's where the whole story started. that's up to the ninety-fourth ninety-fifth year. i practically, uh, distrusted women a lot. excuse your presence. yes, and somehow i was so afraid

to avoid any such serious relationship. so, and then it slowly began to more or less, so to speak, move away and be converted into a more or less normal relationship. two stories that turn out to be so a little similar, and two very difficult partings, two difficult divorces. spurred you, uh, to naturally teeth and take their fate their hands in my case, if not for the divorce, of course, i would not have achieved anything. this is clearly a desire to prove desire. no, there is no desire to survive. survive, of course, and now what is happening in your personal life? now all is well in the creation of personal life financially. well, of course, good. well, how good, or good, or normal, a person always wants to be better and more creative. i recorded a new song, why? i'm very happy. i'm on streaming sites. she goes very well people are downloading it. here i am very pleased,

because why did i not write for so long, because i did not like not the texts that were offered to me, nor the music. i thought i sang it a long time ago. and here everything worked out. i was offered, i was stunned, i think the song is my new song run by irina saltykova girl, why do you shed tears and shake your feelings on the film? he is not yours, he does not sing, he is not yours. i know i was, where are you crying now, but hung, happy will still be even without him and without him you without him and back, who was guilty. forgive what is not your order.

he had a choice. he did not choose you from the wrong lips, run to admire her on the run. do not dance with your father's back to take care, you run, the lord is not needed. i know the sun is hiding behind the moon through the fog, flowers will break through again with rays, warmth, your heart is your heart. believe me, i know all this kitchen and when it seemed that the whole world collapsed, but no more, but no more, but no. don't look

back yet. who was to blame for them. forgive me, the fact that there is no your order, he had it and raven did not choose you. they are faithful lips of his run the rain. see what's behind your back.

who else is not afraid. my god! what do you want if our cube, while weak , could fulfill wishes in another 20 years? i want human happiness. i want grandchildren. i want success in my daughter. first of all, honestly, not about yourself. although i understand that you need to think about yourself, the second miracle is to think about the future. if you have to live a real goal,

honestly, i swear to myself for this, that i don’t have any goals, especially for myself. a. well, i want to be a tv presenter. maybe it's mine for a long time. let's just say it's a dream on any topic. i don't know which one it is. health is food. i do not know the beauty of a calm normal person. yes, you have to live this life with dignity. it is very important. yes, after 20 years, you know what the goal is, my mother left me 2 years ago. this is pretty hard to come by. so many of my priorities in life have changed. that is, i realized that mm. here. i just said to ira, these words here and now these are really very important words, because here and now you need to perform all those feats for the sake of your loved ones, for your own sake. and then the future will be independence from that

, but i set some goals for myself good and wonderful, but of course, you need to dream, because if you dream about something, you bring it closer, it first cuts on your horizon. here, then closer closer and closer, and then it becomes a part of your life, but talk about it. better not. i always say that the most important thing in life for everyone would be health. we'll do the rest. it was a podcast 20 years later, visiting. we had irina saltykova and stone. hello, you are watching the podcast triggers and its leading psychologist, psychotherapist, tatyana krasnovskaya and psychotherapist sergey are with you . beautiful

svetlana is our guest today. what are we going to talk about? hello, let's talk. about my hypertrophied maternal love, so you even evaluate it yourself, to be honest, already. yes, i appreciate it. this is how i see and feel svetlana , please tell us a little about yourself first. how old are you? i am 50 years old. yeah, i live in moscow and i'm a mother to my son. here now summer will be 35 years will survive together. and now it's been a year. we don't live together before we lived together. yes, he got married very early at 17 . you lived together. yes, the son of his wife, and i lived together for 12 years, svetlana

or maybe a very great love that could survive everything or i so wanted my son to be so happy that everything else, probably, i can be everything i didn't pay attention to myself. okay, let's get back to the request. how do you feel? why did you name your relationship with your son like that defined as my hypertrophied love. yes, probably, because there are few things in life that interest me more than his life. and it scared me very much now, but because, unfortunately, the son divorced his wife. in the fall, he left, and now he lives his happy life. he is an adult self-sufficient. and i realized that in general there is nothing for me in my life, yes, because all these years. how much he is there 30 years old almost in order to be a mother

i liked it so much. this is a steering wheel. i liked it so much. mom, that, probably, everything else me. i don't even know what it's like to not be a mom. it's all the time to be anxious. it's been taken care of all the time. it’s all the time to think about what else i can do so that my son is happy, joyful , that everything is fine with him, so that, god forbid, he is not upset, because if he gets upset, if he gets upset, it will be very hard for me, what will happen to you, i will be 10 times more upset. it seems to me that your description svetlana of being a mother, but slowed down in its development, because you describe what it's like to be a mother and a child. you can be the mother of a child, be the mother of a teenager, she says, a mother and an adult man

. they are different mothers, and everything seems to be different there, and you describe the mother of a child to worry about taking care of. there are no words, you are right. but it's true, why can't i see that my son is an adult self-sufficient person, why? i don't want to see it? well, because while he is a child, you have a growing hope that he needs you, and an act since there is nothing else, then this, in fact. the only place where you can realize i want to say myself as a person, but not as a person. yes, but at least you can realize yourself then with this identity. i am the mother of a small child. well, as it were, she fully wins back your needs to be needed. svetlana, you said that as if in your life there is nothing else but your son, but is it you who work?

what does your social life look like? yes, i work. i love my job very much. and i have, i guess, a social life. i have girlfriends i have. i also have a mother whom i also take care of and take care of her like my son. and you are successful in your work in what you do. which one can you rate? uh huh, what's the job? what are you doing? i work for a large medal house and i run the travel department. yeah, even that is , you occupy a fairly high position. yes, i really love my job. and as if it would be difficult then to say that there is nothing else, other supports. you have a different social life there, it's true. maybe i meant that i don't see myself as a woman. well yes, maybe i'm realized as a mother, as a person. tell us about your

decision to become a mother. you were 20 there 19, let's say it turns out one year. yes, i never wanted to have children, and well, as if i were 21 years old, i didn’t want to have children so, well, yes, they didn’t want to, after twenty-one they had them. well, i guess i didn't have that desire. for some reason. i don't know, even that's hard. uh-huh now tragic uh. experience i have the first son died. at what age? i was 20 years old. no, you were 20 the child died. he is lived only 12 hours 12 hours, and it was a very difficult period. i was very worried about this, and then let's talk about this child. tell this pregnancy and the decision to become a mother for the first time. you know , i can’t say that it was some kind of conscious choice of pregnancy. yes,

there was a pregnancy. i was married. i loved my husband and had sex with him will definitely see. here you like to have sex. and at some point you will know that you are pregnant. here is what is happening at this moment. i make a decision leave this child. that is, you still have the idea of ​​leaving not leaving. do you live with her somehow or do you discuss it with someone? how she reacted with my mother, mother, mother, of course, was in favor of me giving birth to this child, and in general, everyone wanted to. and what words did mom find that you also decided so? remember them, to be honest, i don't remember, well, there was definitely support. well, i wasn't sure i wanted this baby. i was not sure already at that moment that i wanted to live with this man. and so the whole pregnancy. i had this

the state that i do not want this child, i am afraid to express it, because as it goes on, then it will go. my life it will be like already for me. like some. well, spoiled, or something, fate, that's how i went on, apparently, i already wanted to divorce my husband, and i was afraid to give birth to this child, but in these nine months there were no cardinal changes in relations with this man, i understand, then why you, for example, did not have an abortion, after all. why did you listen to your mother? she said i'll help you don't worry, of course. mom supports me child. yes, then i have a child and unfortunately, after 12 hours, he dies. why unfortunately. because i already wanted it at what point it happened that you wanted it. i do not know clearly that women during pregnancy there are certain

changes nature has so arranged. yes, that a woman in the ninth month of pregnancy usually already understands that a child or be born in any way, yes, and nature arranged it in such a way that the biological processes in the body that you could recognize or which you could evaluate also change. how desire of this child. well, that's great, isn't it? yes? and then he is born and something happens. there, i don’t know, you looked at him there, but for some reason he was sick, for some reason he didn’t open up. easy for yourself. he was born at eight months old and his body weight was large, and so he was in the hospital. you found out what you've been through. well, of course, i had a tantrum and who had a great sense of guilt, how loved ones reacted, but this tragedy was a big grass for our family. wait before we move on to the tragedy of the family. i want to understand how a woman feels which lies in the box, there, i don’t know with

other women in labor or alone, yes, and you and your grief are not there alone, no relatives somehow. they probably support you, but 20 to 30 years ago there was no mobile communication and everything connected with it. here you are alone. you have learned that the child has passed away. he was supposed to be in the hospital for a while. how did you deal with your grief and did you experience it or what did you do? i cried a lot or not. well, you talked to someone about it. no, doctors came to you, maybe well psychologists also existed 30 years ago. that is, no one could contain anything for you. this feeling. wow what have you done with that guilt. for the fact that thoughts were not like this child. i think, yes, that this is not because i belonged to this series, that's why it happened. you

managed to forgive yourself at some point. i'm on my way to it so to speak. oh, well , at least i'm more or less understandable would like to ask myself. at that moment, when you were already in the hospital, you and your spouse are on that moment was discussed. what will you name the child? you knew that it would be a boy or a girl discussed, that is, you somehow made some plans that collapsed at that moment. you watch the podcast triggers and its leading psychologist tatiana krasnovskaya is with you, and our guest is svetlana, who found the courage to sort out her relationship with her son after the death of her first child , your son was born. thank god quickly, yes, it was fast, because i didn’t really want

a child. now i really wanted a baby. it was easy. well, such an already obsessive idea is something that you promised yourself. and the child was born from the same man, right? i still knew that i, well, most likely, will no longer live with this man. we will have a very difficult relationship, so i really wanted this child. not just wanted you still want it and still want it, but just strange tatiana asks the right question. if at this moment you promised, for example, you know an oath, i will always be there, i will always help everyone. will be the most happy child. well, this is such a good

psychiatric diagnosis that describes the schizophrenic behavior of a person. well, yes, the behavior of a person diagnosed with schizophrenia, megalomania. for example, i worked in a mental hospital where there were napoleons. there, i don't know, gorbachev. that is, there were such people there. there was one person. unfortunately, but if they were there, then i'm sure, i'm sure that yes, there were the mothers of teresa maria , anyone else. well, that is, any form of the best mothers. there was one man who, uh , won me over, then and still remains my idol, who every night, or rather, every morning, woke up a few minutes right here, just a few minutes before dawn. even though he didn't have a watch.

went up to the window and lit the matches and brought it to the window and i asked him once what are you doing this has been going on right through the years. i just got there, so he was the only patient who was allowed to have matches, the sun, i light it. this man lit the sun. he was absolutely convinced that if he did not wake up or oversleep, then he, respectively, well, the sun will not. i'm going to be hysterical now. stop. you do the same plus or minus. you, on the other hand , turn on the sun every morning so that it shines and warms your little boy, so that the rain irrigates him there, i don’t know, and so on. well, look. you are already doing this. so this is your pure water, so to speak, mania, greatness well, just understand, this is not a diagnosis. well, this is

such an omnipotence complex. let's make your life a little easier. this is the omnipotence complex. and of course, i promised myself such there, yes in myself such an oath and return. what is svetlana because being committed to the oath, you attach yourself as a woman. and why did she say that i would like to tell you how a person is realized , not here, you are realized as a function next to this oath, but personality is in this, well, because personality is still a broader concept. yes, to wear beautiful women, a successful woman, a woman educated and at the same time with everything, who initially said that this is all there is in life. you functionally next to this oath. but it's been there for 30 years. okay, the first 10 years. i still agree. perhaps it should have been possible, although not sure, but then the next

20 years, where you could become a happy woman of the woman you love. i don't know what kind of woman anyone likes astronauts. yes, you chose to be true to this oath that i will always be there for your story it becomes. as if now i’m going to say it right. rudely, i can’t find another word for a pawn in this game, because your whole life is his. she is for to keep this oath to be committed to this, as if his life, he cannot live his life, his life becomes not as important as the idea of ​​​​continuing this oath. obey it directly. the mood of his life his life - it turns out a sacrifice in the name of the life of that dead child.

you make him live the life of a dead child, and therefore you idealize from all sides, because that child died and his life can be presented in different ways, but in fact, if you look at your relationship does not allow, your relationship to develop, yes, that is, those in which you are located do not allow you to become the mother of an adult man, and he becomes, in fact, the son of a woman, and, as it were, they do not add up there either. just a new stage of relations and this is underdevelopment. she disturbs both of you. i hope that now , when he left you, he left his wife, well, as if he is just starting a period of growing up, which you will have to face, where it is important for him to face these challenges. go through those spheres that you cover with your love with your care with your attention. it is important for him to go through these difficulties , it is important for him to take care of you. take care of your

mother. well, look, there is good news that despite this omnipotence complex, all this story about omnipotence. he still got out. that's for sure. it's true he got out. that is, it turns out such and such power. no, he left. your influence does not spread. actually, it's not. oh, it's an illusion that you can do it, but he lives his life separately from you. i'm happy. thank you. you are already beautiful, mother svetlana is simple, but you can't be too good a mom, because you're too good a mom. unfortunately, it causes no less injury, but to a man, than a bad one. mom any mother, in general, the cause of all psychological problems a and mother's love. on the one hand, it is

support like wings, but it is a lasso. which does not allow a man to be a man boy, please, well, well young man. i still agree there, but still you must need me. there is such a concept of psychology good enough mother. and that's it. you say such things that i somehow need to no accept this accept this. you will accept you have no other choice. and here the question is, probably, how can you act in a new way now, how can i act in a new way? how can you act? you are now living with an older man. that is, you have your universe there is an adult man who does nothing at all. he has nothing to do with your previously born child, while our grandmother

loves us very much. my mom is in the family straight. well, it turns out, yes, such a family lived, got married for pregnancy. and this family had a great tradition for mothers to love their sons very much. this is such a generic program. now it’s completely respectful to her family, because my grandmother loved my father very much for her son, and she lived and laid down her life. and admired it was in such a

cult, yes, this is a boy. this is the real mother. my mother, she is exactly the same, m-m, my older brother loved me. and just like that , she loved us, too, everything for us is a lot of care, a lot. guardianship is absolutely and it was also a matter of pride that like this. so we had a difficult period, very difficult , my father had heart attacks. my brother got very sick . unfortunately. and at this moment i also have a child with them yes, the child died. and here andrey is born and it is as if

the sun is rising in this family. yes, because everyone got their share, well, as it were, love, yes , and they were also able to realize their love, and this was really a very great happiness for our family. we always thought that this was some kind of salvation for our family, because andrey was born because that each of us here is this opportunity here. this is how to love. that's right, in the third person. yes, they were born. andrey wants to say poor, because further, respectively, all those hopes that were destroyed before yes , the father’s illness there, the death of the child, and it means, they hang all this on him and say, look, we will all love you now. and you should be. and you should be happy. yes, and god forbid you want. yes like it or not must be happy such violence in it sense. and of course then i'm sure every

one of them. there is a family holiday you discussed this topic always his birthday birthday . yes, on his birthday they told that here, but here he didn’t live there and how it would have been, probably, differently, and now you understand that you it was in this way that you, in general, placed on him the sacrifice that he had to all this time bear to let go. well , as if everyone had already played their roles. everyone has already played their part. you are enough to be, as tatyana said, good enough mother, but good enough. mom, this is mom , who is there when necessary, but does not interfere when it is not necessary, when she is not asked, he seems to me, he never does anything. well, this is because, apparently, he was like that then. stop means. and just watch what happens.

also, yes, i was also married twice, right? and nothing, i don’t know, it was all somehow. yes , it seems to me that in my life there was not much room for men. they were so and accordingly, now it is necessary. i would just like to ask now is there a relationship or not? why? why because what is the old once? what's wrong? but how? i have this topic. i decided to seal it three times married.