this is a russian zhaleyka at the russian zhaleyka , the kurai instrument performed throat singing, and the compositions are called durlin. bashkir folk melody.

dear friends, will i express a common opinion, but in this little thing, in this bashkir rap cybernetic brew, there is one thing i want it to not end, of course.

how do you get it, yes. you yes. why are you pentatonic? yes listen to it like this, it's just understandable, even for someone who's not particularly sensitive here to understand that the auditory suckers are still so, understandable, and so straight sausage, comrades. may i think you are now up to barely a cross. it fits very well. and we not only brought bashkir instruments. i myself studied at the musical gymnasium in the class of trombone. here i am a tromba player myself and we even make such mixes, and with different instruments from rammed zur to dumbba. everywhere has ripened you represent? how did this boy annoy his parents? he also knocked on everything that he had in his hands, you also, listen if there is everything that glitters. if there is a trombone, it is already in the hands of the zaynedine. if there is anything here this one

a russian horn, it is immediately found on well, how, well, it’s necessary, and even uh duduk and even duduk uh, hmm somehow there was such a story. uh, they stopped me. uh, well, traffic cops, and in order to let go, i began to put on a concert. uh, they let me go until i played on my finger. then they were only surprised , you can take your fingers and play. learn to play the finger and go wherever you want fantastic. and i brought a lot of tools. in fact. i have wooden cubes with this tool. we have called kumyssk this is vagan different nations call it differently. that is, we call it kubys. eh, they call it a jew's harp. yakutian khomus is called one for you, thank you. and what

to do with it? this is a wooden blacksmith, and a wooden kubys. we have, uh, found a very long time ago. that is, in ancient times this instrument was played. he made from birch. and here is a thread like this. and you can play it like this. this is such a wonderful instrument, this is how salavat yulaev enchanted emelyan pugachev a hundred years ago. i brought a lot of kuraev he left a big one for you as a keepsake, but in the trombone he played the trombone, of course. well then, now we will listen to the trombone, what will happen in the hands of a talented

person. i would like to thank dear friends again and again. uh, bashkar, tatarstan , who gave me and my colleagues a meeting with such a talented person of new conquests for you. and to you, dear friends, new interesting meetings, like those that just happened. all the best. all the best.

if

possible, dear friends. come on, come on.

hello this is a podcast of the psyche. my name is natalya loseva i am a journalist, and my co-host is a clinical psychologist, phd in psychology, mikhail khors hello dear friends. here we unravel the most complex tangles of human relationships. and even more than life, we write such a book, judging for you, dear friends, heroes come to us with their difficult, but very sincere stories. we listen to these stories. we disassemble them and many of you will recognize perhaps a reflection and your own lives, but it is also important to understand that these stories are not so complicated. really. it is possible to solve these difficulties and problems. the main thing is not to be silent about them, our today's heroine, a real excellent student. her name is evgenia petrikova, she is 32 years old. she is your mother's shadow, yes, and you came to us with your complete drama of the situation. i understand

that your mom gave your dad. there were some conditions. yes, unfortunately, my parents divorced and the problems are as follows. i cannot accept that after the divorce my father had another woman. and now, for my part, i began to communicate worse with my father. i began to forbid her children from appearing in his apartment, but simply because i have some kind of internal stopper, and i can’t do anything about it. how old are you eugene i am 32 years old. you are, of course, absolutely amazing. yes why did the divorce happen? as far as i know, it was my mother's initiative, and my mother decided to play, but probably outplayed herself. maybe, what happened? what are the conditions? mom put yes, my mom, she really, but thought that divorce could help, on the contrary, restore the family. they communicated quite badly in the last 15 years before the divorce, especially badly, and in the last 5 years before the divorce.

they stopped communicating altogether, that is, 200 in general. we talk , they lived together and did not talk, and my mother, she simply did not know how to cope with this, to be honest, with dad. she didn't specifically say anything. she is the kind of person who does not really like to discuss , especially some psychological problems, unlike, for example, me. and here she is, but she decided that if she gets divorced, that is, she will bring the situation to a close. to the extreme point, sub-peak, then maybe dad will change and pay attention to the problem that they have not spoken for 5 years. something needs to be done about this and he will return to her, as if changed. and she how old was at that time at that time you know, honestly, i'm not very good with mathematics. mom, i can count the sixty-eighth year, and in 2018 my dad divorced the sixty-sixth year. and you have a large family. yes, a large family. yes, and relatives were simply shocked that our family had broken up. we have four children , the oldest. and why in shock, in shock,

because in fact my parents always played in public. the role, as it were, of an exemplary family, and dad, when they went to the theater together somewhere, for example, or somewhere else to visit. dad always hugged mom and looked after her, that is, defiantly everything was decorous and decent. so my parents got divorced. ugh and suddenly. i understand it was completely unexpected for my mother. dad didn't remember. yes, i ran to my mother. yes, yes, that's how i brought another woman and brought her, as i understand it, to the house in which i grew up yes, to the house in which i grew up, but it didn't happen like that soon, that is, a year passed. a year after the divorce, he brought this woman. yes, and his mother, mother , was waiting for him, a year later, you found out, yes, i found out about this when i brought it unknown. maybe, maybe even earlier. so, by the way, yes, mom is waiting for him, that is, they parted after a divorce, and it turned out that mom left for some other apartment, a fairly

wealthy family, and dad stayed in the apartment in which you four children grew up, your large large family , that is, your paternal home. yes, that's right, and there now where went, your mother in the baths that your mother bathed in the kitchen in which she cooked, especially the bedroom bedroom, which we do not know how. well, somehow they shared a marital lie, despite another woman living in a crisis. yes, that's right, yes, you can't accept this situation. yes, i still cannot accept this situation. the problem is that initially, when he brought her, my younger brother still lived there. that is, we are the younger brother. he was forced to live in the same apartment with this woman. of course, i didn't like it and he had not yet reached the age of majority, and he lived for 2 years, it turns out with this woman and then entered the university and left for moscow in principle , many of us from cheboksary leave for moscow to study uh-huh so i tried to at least talk with my dad . but maybe they can meet in another

territory or something. well, or just my right, as the older sister tried to be the manager of this situation. i tried to at least get some advice. hmm, won't that have a bad effect on the boy? that is, as if on my brother, because the brother himself openly said that he did not want to live with this woman. well, dad was, in principle, no difference whether he wants to or not, and and his younger brother at that moment was 16 years old. yes, 16 years old. yes, that's what the request is now, if you try to isolate it from you michael as a psychologist, why would you want to understand me like i am like a person. well, i think it's appropriate. i understand that in fact everyone lives like this and that's normal. so so, well, in a civil marriage, that is, they get divorced, for example, and then they don’t got married, they didn't get married. i have it here, especially working out with my mother was normal. yes, they were still married oh, i see, and they didn't get married and do you really care that they live in a civil marriage or do you care that

this woman comes into your mom's bedroom , uh, it worries me, what's more, that it's them live in a civil marriage more. that is, this woman, of course, has me worried in the capacity that she is an unofficial spouse, but it does not work out. here, that is, if they were officially married, you would come to us here didn’t come and wouldn’t want to solve your problems, because i don’t know how i would react 100%, but i suspect that i probably wouldn’t come to you, because in fact the parental attitude was from childhood, that, well, as if there should be only an official marriage, and once is excellent. and you understand, i should be very right, but here it is wrong. yes, yes, you want michael to help you. focus now, let's try to answer. honestly , first to myself, and then to mikhail , let's go. do you want michael to help him accept this situation or build such a strategy of behavior so that they eventually

get married and formalize the relationship. no , i would like her to disappear altogether honestly, i would like, uh, to accept this situation, because if she disappeared with the apartment. no, why do i need this, that is, in fact, i personally have nothing against her. i just really have a mindset that it ’s bad that my dad is now living with an outside woman, and they are not officially married, and for me it’s a sin, let’s say, that is, like i support and accept a person of orthodox self-consciousness. so i would like to, but at the same time i understand that my dad he is already an adult to decide for himself how he should. live and how should he behave? i understand that he has the right to do so. he has the right to live like this, but for me the dramaturgy is that in the end i can’t help myself, and i limit the children from him. that is, to him on the territory of the apartment, for example, i do not let children. i just can't because there are photos of them all over the place, for example, and

i can't m-m your new woman. yes, with a new woman, you literally talked about this topic with her. i didn't do anything to him, she didn't do anything to me. no, agreed. listen , maybe there is somehow there to formalize the relationship to live. well, i talked about this with my dad more than once, that is, somehow i don’t have much, yes, with my dad, as it were. well, he does not want to formalize anything after the divorce, they divided the property in half. and he said he was disillusioned with the judicial system. and he doesn't want michael found. something is bugging me right now in this situation. it seems to me that evgenia is not entirely sincere, because he is deceiving us. and it seems to me that he is deceiving himself. let's try to figure it out. i watch i don't see. and no sincerity, to be honest, for me, this is how you behave quite sincerely. here is another question, that your emotions are dictated by certain opinions, yes, about this situation and you consider these opinions to be correct. i want to eradicate it. i really want to get rid of this, i understand that it

prevents me from living, because, but the world cannot be the same as someone once taught you this. he is versatile and human. the pope has the right to live as he sees fit. well, i honestly can't accept it. i'm still a shower mom. no, don't be sorry. no, i'm not sorry, she's okay with all this, that is. here's what she did to herself. yes, mom has some grievances. here's how to share it. yes, my mom and i communicate very well, well, much more than with dad. that's how in childhood she was just a very good-natured person, but, of course, after the divorce to dad. she's frankly angry, but she still counts. someday they will be reunited, that is, she does not lose this hope in her mother's partners. she is not going to even look for him, moreover, she is pretty and she has it. in principle, there are many fans who tried to somehow look after her, but she is not, that is, she is not going to, even she is waiting for him. in fact, she call that's some kind of assessment. yes, these mothers,

what she is like in the end, based on this situation, that she initiated a divorce under 50 years old. and in order to teach someone something, that she is still waiting for a man who has been living there for years with others with other women. well, after all, there is one woman, well, mechanics a little bit. yes, it is in the clouds. she's so romantic, i guess i got a little bit of that too. but what do you think, why? i asked several times about the age of your mother, your brother, maybe we are infantile people. yes, this is flying in the clouds, more precisely, it is called infantilism. yes, but infantilism is what you can tell our viewers, i myself am not a psychologist. i don't know, but i guess you here, if by itself then it's probably a little more iridescent kind of view of the world. maybe some kind of infant. this is who will give

the child. yes, it's not an adult. so that's infantilism. this is the inadequacy of his and physiological age. yes, social inadequacy. it's true there is a minute like this, so the only way to cope with infantilism is to grow not physically, yes, but intellectually, socially there, which means morally. here, and further on, here you have a wonderful phrase, you said, i am an adequate person, that is, i meant this phrase. yes, i understand that now, well people can live adults people decide for themselves how to live and that's fine. well, from the point of view of society and society, that dad has this woman, but the internal unit does not let me in, even my feet on the threshold of his house, that is, yes, why. because further you have, it seems, in words, the normality of this is

recognized. i want to dock, but emotionally no why? and because we have an attitude, yes, there should be only an official marriage, i quote. it's bad that dad doesn't live in an official marriage. 100% you are correct. and now the question is important and for you, too, yes, since you natalya joined this opinion , why is it bad that dad lives in an unofficial marriage proof of this statement? well, well, look, yes, since you can already come to me and start, and then look at yevgeny. but when we accept certain foundations of christian morality, we do not question them, because these are already questions of faith, questions of beliefs, and so on. i would not now, in fact, it is focused, because if you are, well, like any christian, then your answer is this, because i believe in it, because that i believe in it, because these are the obligations that we declare with the symbol of faith, but there is another question.

again, you and i know that this applies to any situation in christianity. what are we doing? we cover with love. yes, we understand that man is weak man. weak, yes, the lord loves us in any way , which means that we, as it seems to me, should. well, at least strive to at least try to love too. uh-huh people of any kind, especially dad, the question is always how to love? yes, this is, this is, uh, like any, in fact, a book on practical psychology, which is now a million yes, you must have read it once. you are fond of love, it means to love yourself to love do not tell how to love. tasty, where is my article about russian football players? i threw it out. i need a story about how savages will be taught to play football, who is going on here, where are the state flags, where is the transport, we are generally met by someone you are afraid to lose, we are not afraid based on real

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nothing in fact, but in reality not confirmed. even if dad tells you that it hurts, although he didn’t tell you, he says, he says, yeah, that means, even if he tells you, it’s not a fact that it is so. a? well, why don't you interrupt? i have insight now. tell me again. this is an interesting thought. uh-huh because maybe i'm wrong that he's in pain, maybe he says that for other reasons. ugh well done. maybe he wants it. well, at least fix the situation and make sure that i still, more often he had at least due to the fact that i sympathized with him. of course, i sympathize with him, but still do nothing. i can't, that is. this means that you can't do anything. this is also a mistake. we'll talk about yours now. well, here's the first one. yes, you do not know what is going on in the minds of other people, even if they tell you something, this is a very thought

that i would never have thought of myself. now this is really great. yes, it's good that we still didn't interrupt you. yes and gave you this one is like this. finish this thought. yes , great, and the younger brother. yes, this story is also important separately. you respond to you with pain. it is also important for me to separately consider you said, so my younger brother was forced to live with him and endure the presence of this woman is a lie. uh-huh it was your little brother's choice. he is 16 years old, 16 years old. people of our generation have already left home. eh, so they went somewhere back and forth. yeah, and people of the previous generation at 16 years old. it has already been plowed somewhere, built bam and so on not knows that the generation of today's 16 year olds is much more infantile much less mature your brother, if he wanted to leave, he would

leave. and why, by the way, he did not go to the guy? again? do not interrupt, natalya, tell me you agreed that my brother, if he wanted to leave, i now thought again. you take me from a completely different point of view. great not in vain would be a professional. yes, i thought, in fact, because my brother had a choice, and not just a good one to go home, where he was provided back and forth on free bread or to go to you or something else yes, the choice of mom, that is, mom mom moved out to another apartment. the only thing is, and my mother felt sorry for herself, well, it turns out her son, because she moved out to a odnushka. dad stayed at four. well, that is, brother, actually made a choice in favor of comfort yes . and you still feel sorry for him, right? you are still overloading your nervous system with this pity for him and some kind of resentment. thanks, yes it is. it would be unfair, michael, imagine, here is a large family, four children, and now dad stays with a new four-room woman

apartment, and the boy should go with his mother to a one-room apartment, not even honestly. and who decides? what is fair? do you even word justice? here's how, study what it is there two roots natalya tell the root etymologically this word. true uh-huh and the word to know, that is, to understand to know. it's great to understand justice is to know the truth? and the truth is, this is a description of reality as it is, cool, i didn’t think about it from this angle at all, but i understand that you are bad for the right, because everything adds up. if you think about it, he indeed, after all, he made a choice and his mother offered him, in fact, she said, but if you are uncomfortable, come to me, well, he said, that’s the bed, you see, yes, that is, he crossed these mental suffering, that is, brother. he said that no matter how much i dislike living with this woman, but he still remained there, yes, that is, there were actions that he stayed, but mikhail is purely in mathematics. well, ours together. acquired

property a quarter of the children gave birth to four children. he raised this youngest, he is 16 years old. you haven't raised him yet. and you have to raise them. that's why they are so infantile that we raised them with our children. i help them. well, okay. let's call it, like, and this is just the father. i can't imagine a situation that i don't have to insult me. but even more so my fatherhood. that's why helping children is one thing, you know, raising good ones. by the way, you understand. uh, how many more times are there three kids? i have three. yes, here is a good adviser for you. and you, for sure, honestly support me, and little peat only learning to walk for 9 months, just super falls. yes, what does the majority of mothers passing by run raise. yes? yes, you need what the crazy father of the version of natalya does. he comes up to kneel next to him, gives a pen and says, come on, how beautiful you are. i

will help you. here i am right here. i do not stand on the sidelines, i smoke indifferently. yes, but at the same time i don’t drown in this child, rather, rather, blow , knock on the floor three times. here from here. they are infantile with us, yes, that we are raising them . natalya, they helped with these children, but not you need to be completely direct, but to speak. well, and there , how close are you here, as your mother did about yours, which means your younger brother. come here, i'll take you. uh-huh, and then you make a decision on the issue and evgeny, like mikhail, comes to you, yes, but the question is such a uh-huh. it's not clear e nature of the association, when you talked about the father and the child, but nevertheless, they arose for me. look, your father, perhaps, also needs some kind of dialogue , some kind of your support. and i got

the feeling that here is your dialogue. perhaps even internal is not literally with the father is a dialogue. only daughters, and the eldest daughter at that. yes, the eldest daughter in a large family, this is such a vice-mother, yes, that is, the same uh, who is responsible for other children, and so on. and here is your dialogue, uh, with your father, your inner one, as it seems to me, it was understood that you only as a father did not fulfill the role that in our ideal family, which you taught me, should have taken place. yes, and it seemed to me that you do not perceive dad at all as a person who is certainly close to you, but here is a separate man. you really have natalya, i don’t know where you get such an ability to turn everything upside down. we have the same error. now here, look how this situation really is from the point of view of psychology. you said evgenia perceives the pope as the pope does not perceive him. as a man

, a separate personality, no, evgenia just perceives in this whole situation dad as a separate person, they are like a younger dad. you understand, you climb to him with your moralizing, not as a dad, but as a separate peasant whom you teach how to live? i in fact, do not teach him how to live? i just say the opposite, so i don't know what to do. naturally, i understand that you probably don’t climb. yeah they don't ask for forgiveness. just didn't agree. yes, here, but when will you start treating him exactly like dad? dad is a husband, mom is not a husband, mom, and then dad will feel better for you. it ’s hard for me to perceive him a little, directly, as such a dear beloved dad, and you don’t always have to deceive. if you are offended by him, you are completely at least inside yourself. well let me

yourself this insult, but why are you doing this, but forcing yourself to be nice and good with everyone. you are so-so. this is your strategy personality. tell here. what is especially painful and offensive to you uh-huh in this situation. well, probably, michael said to take it as a dad after all. yes, it’s difficult for me, because in fact, i seem to be already an adult. i already seem to have experienced this insult, but in childhood. basically, i was the only person. but when dad he loved, he was quick-tempered, in principle, such a person, he loved to quarrel and childhood. i had a heavy one. i think from the point of view of psychological pressure, as if on me and on all other family members, but here i am the only one who could get angry with dad from nonsense. here there is some small mess, for example, or the number of cutlery, or it differs there, let's say by one. and it could turn into

a terrible mat. now he has changed, by the way, now he has changed. now he doesn't act like that anymore. after the divorce, he especially changed. but while i was little three years. it was a solid mat, that is, behind the scenes, but people always swore about it, and the outside is an ideal family, right? and that's why i ran to my mother, it seems to me that i emasculated my daughter a little, uh, the feeling of my daughter, as if to him, maybe, that's why she's still so pretty. i want to be, how can it be a defensive reaction in order to somehow survive in this world to adapt or so that dad does not swear, so that no one swears, because, well, i saw that dad swears, and how i would argue with him, that is, very actively argued, and now they have stopped, it happens sometimes. but look, i'll give you such a task. try this. take a sheet of paper. write a letter well? where do you write, and the grievances that you have against him and

the one that we explain, and especially those children's ones. and what would you write, for example, i would write about of course, about this obscenity is constantly very loud and the insults were big, too, my address, including the address in general, well, other family members, that is , they told me that, roughly speaking, i piece there. why manure, which can be trampled back on the ground? if anything, that is, i heard a lot of things during my childhood, it was hard. yeah , that's why i was still glad, including leaving for moscow, as if to enroll in studies. here, i understand you very much, and here i don’t even see the point at this stage of your life, this is it, let's forgive everyone. there it is no is. so i’m sure, in fact, you didn’t completely get angry at dad. for this, yes , they didn’t allow me to live this anger at him right away. i had these attempts, but apparently not to the end. and when will you write out this piece of paper. so fold. let

her lie down natalya do not interrupt to lie down. then open and something else. add it there and only after that decide you know everything, i really, probably, would write later. now yes, yes, and they did so, and then only after that. uh-huh, decide, give it back, they drank it or not to give it to dad, nightmare is a very difficult task. but i think it's worth it. you entered the mgims cambridge and became an excellent student, this is also for there seems to be no need to prove to dad that you are not a piece of this plant at the brain level , but at the internal level, most likely, it is there. i think so, that is, on an internal level. i probably wanted to show, dad, well , it’s worth watching something, i studied on a budget, it turns out 4 years of bachelor’s degree.